Not Tonight, Jack!”

Posted on May 15, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week’s cruise did not make me want to set course for adventure.

Episode 4.16 “Gopher’s Bride/Love with a Married Man/Not Tonight, Jack!”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 24th, 1981)

This week’s episode is all about cabins.

For instance, Jack Clayton (Patrick Wayne) invited his girlfriend of four weeks, Helen Mann (Trish Stewart), to join him on the cruise without telling her that they would be sharing a cabin. Sorry, Jack — Helen doesn’t go for that sort of thing! Jack is kicked out and spends most of the cruise trying to find some place else to sleep. (He also ends up awkwardly lugging his suitcase around with him.) Eventually, Helen gets some romantic advice from Julie (always a mistake) and decides that it’s not fair to kick Jack out of the cabin that he paid for. She tells him that he can stay in the cabin. Jack’s like, “Finally, let’s get it on!” No, Jack, Helen doesn’t go for that. Instead, she plans on sleeping outdoors for the rest of the cruise!

The two of them work it out eventually. When Jack objects to Helen sleeping outside, even if it means Jack would again have to find someplace else to go, Helen realizes that he actually does care about her and he’s not just interested in sex. They leave the boat together, with Helen promising that she and Jack will always sleep in the same bed from now on. I give their relationship another two weeks or so.

Meanwhile, Kay Tindal (Susan Oliver) wants Ned Beacham (Paul Burke) to come visit her cabin and Ned is sorely tempted because his wife, Margo (Dana Wynter), is such a workaholic. Fortunately, Ned and Margo’s 24th anniversary falls right in the middle of the cruise and it causes Ned to realize that he still loves Margo and it causes Margo to realize that she spends too much time worrying about her career. Ned and Margo leave the ship together while Kay can only watch from the staircase. Ha! Take that, homewrecker!

Finally, Gopher risks his job so that Nicole (Marie Laurin) can stay in his cabin. Nicole is Gopher’s pen pal from Quebec. (Actually, she was writing to Doc and Isaac who, for reasons that are never made clear, signed Gopher’s name to all of the letters.) When Nicole shows up on the boat, Gopher takes one look at her and says that she can stay with him. Of course, it’s against ship regulations for passengers to stay with crewmembers so, in order to keep Captain Stubing from finding out, Gopher tells him that Nicole is a new maid. Gopher ends up doing all of Nicole’s work and Nicole ends up meeting and getting engaged to a passenger named Frank (Paul Gale). Sorry, Gopher!

This was a pretty forgettable episode and it was a bit hard to sympathize with any of the passengers. Jack was a cad. Helen was a prude. Kay was a homewrecker. Ned was a wimp. Margo was cold. Nicole was so self-centered that she didn’t even notice that Gopher was killing himself with extra work to keep her from getting kicked off the boat. I wouldn’t want to be on a cruise with any of these people.

On a slightly positive note, Captain Stubing did ask Vicki if she had done her homework so I now definitely know that Vicki has a tutor and is getting an education while living on the boat. At least I don’t have to worry about that anymore!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 5/5/24 — 5/11/24

Posted on May 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

This Abbott Elementary Mother’s Day episode was sweet and funny. No, Janine, Kevin Hart is not your father.

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Check It Out (Tubi)

My review of this week’s episode will be dropping shortly.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about ChiPs here!

Coronation Street (Hulu)

On Tuesday, I watched two episodes of Coronation Street on Hulu. They were both from January of this year. Bethany returned home! I have no idea who Bethany is or who anyone else on this show is but I still found it interesting to watch. Maybe I just miss London. Due first to the pandemic lockdowns and now to the way that anti-Semitism is spreading its shadow across Europe, it’s been a while since Jeff & I last visited.

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here!

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

On Monday morning, I watched a really sad two-parter in which Phil talked to an old widow named Kaye who had basically become so enthralled by a catfish that she gave him the password to her bank account. Kaye’s daughter tried to tell Kaye that her online boyfriend was a fake but Kaye was very angry and would not listen. I felt terrible for her and her family.

On Tuesday, I rewatched the episode with the woman who was convinced that she was married to Tyler Perry, despite having never met him before. Dr. Phil, of course, took time to point out that he knows Tyler Perry and is apparently one of his best friends. Dr. Phil knows everyone! I followed this up with an episode featuring a man who thought he was engaged to a Kennedy cousin named Misty. Not surprisingly, there is no Kennedy named Misty.

On Friday and Saturday, I watched too many episodes. Most of them were about feuding in-laws.

Fantasy Island (Daily Motion)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

On Tuesday evening, I watched last week’s episode of Law & Order and I have to say that I groaned a bit when I saw it was going to be yet another episode about a murder involving a wealthy family. There’s a lot that I have liked about this season but I’m a bit bored with every episode revolving around the same generic wealthy characters. Not every case has to be a society scandal. That said, last week’s episode did feature some interesting twists and turns and personally, I think the jury made the right decision. Overall, it was a good episode though, once again, we had to spend some time listening to Maroun whine about having to do her job.

On Friday, I watched this week’s episode. The defendant was an ex-con who had previously been given a lenient plea deal by Nolan Price. Because of Price’s involvement, Baxter took over as lead prosecutor on the case and demoted Price to second chair. This not only kept Maroun out of the courtroom and minimized her involvement in the episode (yay!) but it also gave Baxter a chance to show off his abilities. The great thing about this episode is that Price finally got called out for being so wishy-washy and self-righteous.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Malibu, CA (YouTube)

I wrote about Malibu, CA here!

Miami Vice (Freevee)

I wrote about Miami Vice here.

Monsters (YouTube)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Snub (Night Flight Plus)

On Friday, I watched a bunch of music videos from 1987. It was fun!

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.15 “The Trigamist/Jealousy/From Here To Maternity”

Posted on May 8, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, both Doc and Captain Stubing try to get out of doing their jobs.

Episode 4.15 “The Trigamist/Jealousy/From Here To Maternity”

(Dir by Howard Morris, originally aired on January 17th, 1981)

Finally, Captain Stubing has found love!

He is totally smitten with passenger Linda Bradley (Pat Crowley) and Linda seems to like him as well. (Why wouldn’t she? He’s the Captain. No one wants to date the people who are in the bottom of the boat and shoveling coal in the furnace. The Captain is the one who has his own special table.) Stubing is soon spending all of his time with Linda. Vicki gets jealous. Myself, I’m wondering who is steering the boat.

Vicki gets so jealous that Linda eventually picks up on it and breaks things off with the Captain. The Captain is heart-broken but, when a contrite Vicki explains that Linda was just trying to protect her feelings, the Captain cheers up, Vicki agrees to accept Linda as a possible stepmother, and Linda promises to return for another cruise as soon as possible. Will we ever see Linda again? I doubt it. Charo seems to be the only performer who regularly returns to the Love Boat as the same character. We might see Pat Crowley again but she probably won’t be playing Linda.

This storyline, I could relate to. I’m a child of divorce and I’ll just say that I was Hell on anyone who I thought was trying to be either a new father or a new mother to me. So far, at least, the stories about the Captain and Vicki have always been handled well. Gavin MacLeod is always at his best when he’s playing the fatherly side of Stubing.

Captain Stubing is not the only person trying to get laid on this cruise. Doc Bricker — of course! — is eager to spend time with his latest girlfriend, Mona (Rebecca Holden), but he keeps getting summoned by the Talmadges. Betty Talmadge (Murphy Cross) is pregnant and her husband, Arthur (Michael Young), is worried that she’s going to give birth on the cruise event though she’s not due for another 9 weeks. “I was born on airplane!” Arthur yells at one point. Eventually, Doc tells Arthur that he should take up jogging to deal with his nervousness. Arthur ends up breaking his leg as a result. That, at the very least, confines him to his cabin but Doc is now so worried about him that he still can’t find time for Mona. Finally, as the ship docks in Los Angeles, Betty goes into labor.

Finally, Judge Joanne Atkinson (Nancy Walker) boards the ship and is surprised to see that Harrison Harper (George Gobel, who is an even less convincing womanizer than Doc Bricker) is also taking a cruise. The judge previously sentenced Harrison to probation for being a bigamist. The Judge and Harrison fall in love and get engaged. Of course, Harrison is also engaged to five other women. I’m sure it’ll all work out.

This was a weird cruise. The main theme seemed to be that both Doc and the Captain will do anything to avoid actually doing their jobs. Meanwhile, the Judge and Harrison’s relationship appears to be doomed from the start. Getting arrested and being sentenced to probation has done nothing to dissuade Harrison from getting engaged to everyone he meets. Julie looks worried as Harrison and the Judge leave the ship together and I don’t blame her!

As always, the ocean scenery was pleasant and I appreciated the sincerity of the scenes that Gavin MacLeod and Jill Whelan performed together. Still, I was kind of happy when the boat docked this week.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/28/24 — 5/4/24

Posted on May 4, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This was another week where I wasn’t feeling particularly well so I spent more time sleeping than watching television. Here’s a few thoughts on what I did watch:

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

I’ve been pretty critical of the third season but I absolutely loved this week’s episode of Abbott. Yes, the whole double date thing was fun and Tyler James Williams, who can sometimes seem to be a bit one-note with his performance as Gregory, was hilarious as he grew more and more paranoid and then more and more embarrassed. That said, for me, the best part of the show was the disastrous book club. I would have joined forces with Melissa and Mr. Johnson.

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

On Tuesday morning, I watched an episode in which Phil interviewed a woman who claimed that she was the reincarnation of Pocahontas and, because she insisted on dressing like Pocahontas whenever she left the house and speaking in what she claimed was Pocahontas’s native tongue, she was having trouble holding down a job. Phil said he would get her help. Good luck with that.

I followed that up with an episode about a woman who thought images were being electronically implanted in her mind and an episode about a woman who was “married” to man who she had never met but who needed her to send him money so he could get out of Algeria. In the end, the implant woman agreed to get help and the married woman declared herself to be divorced.

New Sounds (Night Flight Plus)

The show was called New Sounds but it originally aired in 1983 so, for me, it was old sounds. Anyway, I watched an episode on Friday night and I enjoyed the music videos.

World’s Most Evil Prisoners (YouTube)

On Sunday morning, I watched an episode about James Robertson, a prisoner who was so determined to get on Death Row that he murdered his own cellmate. Agck! That was a disturbing episode. I followed this up with an episode about Edward Johnson, who used a hammer to commit the murder that got him sent to prison and then went on to use even more hammers inside the prison. Because of the seriousness of the crime, I will not mention a Beatles song that had a similar plot. Considering Johnson only killed people when he had a hammer, it seemed like there was an easy solution to getting him to quit.

Watched and Reviewed Elsewhere:

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.14 “First Voyage, Last Voyage/April, the Ninny/The Loan Arranger”

Posted on May 1, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh, hey, Charo’s back.

Episode 4.15 “First Voyage, Last Voyage/April, the Ninny/The Loan Arranger”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on January 17th, 1981)

April’s back!

Played by Charo, April Lopez was one of the few recurring characters on The Love Boat. Whereas other actors appeared frequently but always as different characters, Charo was always April whenever she boarded The Love Boat. The first time she boarded the ship, she did so as a stowaway. The next two times, she boarded as the cruise’s entertainment. This season, however, April boards as someone who has grown tired of show business. When last we saw her, April was in love with a guy named Tex and planning on playing Las Vegas. However, when April boards this time, she quickly informs both Julie and Isaac that she and Tex are no longer a couple and Vegas didn’t work out because she was expected to play her guitar while naked.

(“They could have at least gotten you a cello,” Isaac replies.)

April wants a new career, which she gets when she meets Ty Younger (Larry Linville), who is wealthy but who also has two bratty kids who are always chasing off their nannies. They can’t chase off April, who understands that the best way to calm a bratty child is to grab your guitar and sing to them at night. April gives up show business to become a nanny but I don’t think it’ll last. April is too impulsive to settle down, and Ty’s kids really are the worst. (As well, Charo and Larry Linville didn’t exactly generate a lot of heat in their scenes together.) April may leave the boat with a new family but hopefully, she’ll return alone in the fifth season.

Speaking of the worst, Cindy Simmons (Maureen McCormick) is dying but her parents (Ty Hardin and Kathleen Nolan) haven’t gotten around to telling her yet. Cindy thinks that she’s made a full recovery from her recent illness. Her parents don’t want to upset Cindy but when Cindy meets and falls in love with Paul Harris (Jay Thomas), they realize that they’re going to have to tell Cindy the truth. Poor Cindy! Fortunately, this is The Love Boat and Paul isn’t going to let a little thing like impending death get in the way of romance. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve seen Maureen McCormick on both The Love Boat and Fantasy Island. For this episode, McCormick does a pretty good job with her role and she and Jay Thomas make for an attractive couple.

“I guess I’m still getting my sea legs,” Cindy says to Paul.

“Your legs look mighty fine to me,” Paul replies.

That’s about as witty as things get on this cruise.

Finally, Joey (Richard Kline) is a mob enforcer who has been sent to collect a debt owed by Tony Patacchio, a gambling addict. However, Joey gets distracted when he meets a woman named Antoinette (Lisa Hartman) who enjoys gambling. Joey falls for Antoinette and, unable to find Tony, he even spends the night in her cabin. Hmmm …. Tony …. Antoinette …. Toni….

Yes, Joey has fallen in love with the person he was supposed to rough up. Fortunately, Joey is willing to fix a poker game so that Toni can win enough of his money to pay off her debt. When Toni realizes that Joey lost his money to her on purpose, she declares that she can’t take his money. “If we were married,” Joey says, “It would be our money.”

Richard Kline is not a particularly believable debt collector. (Tony Soprano would have tossed him in a dumpster.) It’s also strange that his boss would send him to collect a debt without bothering to give him a physical description of the person he was supposed to intimidate. The whole storyline was full of holes but I’m surprised to say that I did end up rooting Kline and Hartman to get together. The two of them had enough chemistry to overcome the fact that their story made very little sense.

Previously, whenever Charo was a guest star, she dominated the entire episode, for better or worse. With this episode, she seems kind of bored with the whole thing, as if Charo was just as fed up with show business as April. Instead, it was Maureen McCormick and Jay Thomas who dominated the episode with Richard Kline and Lisa Hartman also getting their share of good scenes. It makes for a bit of an uneven episode but I defy anyone not to feel something when Paul declares that he wants to spend the rest of Cindy’s life with her. Mixing romantic melodrama and goofy comedy is what made The Love Boat a treasure of American pop culture.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/21/24 — 4/27/24

Posted on April 27, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Baby On Board (YouTube)

I wrote about Baby on Board here!

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Check It Out! (YouTube)

My review of this week’s episode will drop in about 90 minutes.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here! Poor Wheels.

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

On Sunday, I watched an episode in which Dr. Phil confronted a pathological liar named Brittany. She stormed off stage. The audience gasped.

On Monday, I watched a two-part episode featuring a crazy woman who insisted that both of her children were paranoid schizophrenic. Dr. Phil said he would help her if she agreed to delete her YouTube channel. “No,” the woman replied. The audience gasped.

On Tuesday, I watched a two-part episode in which a man was falsely accused by his ex-wife and mother-in-law of sexually abusing his daughter. What a toxic family! I mean, the guy was kind of a jerk but no one deserves to be falsely accused of something like that.

On Wednesday, I watched a divorced couple yell at each other over who was responsible for their son’s video game addiction.

On Thursday, I watched a two-part episode in which a masseuse named Tarek came on the show to try to clear his name after he was accused of sexually assaulting 18 of his clients. Tarek asked to be on the show and demanded to take a polygraph exam. What was weird about that was the fact that Tarek was obviously guilty and a terrible liar. No one was shocked when he failed the polygraph.

Later, I watched an episode about a mother-in-law who accused her son’s wife of being the “spawn of Satan.” Yikes! The wife was actually very nice and had the patience of a saint.

On Friday morning, I watched an episode in which Phil got annoyed with a teenage girl who hoped that getting pregnant would lead to her getting her own reality show.

On Saturday, I watched an episode featuring a young woman who insisted that her mother had kidnapped her son. The young woman wanted to sue her parents but she also wanted them to lend her the money for the attorney.

Dragnet (YouTube)

On Sunday, I watched my favorite episode of this old cop show. Friday and Gannon appeared on a talk show and debated an underground newspaper editor and a sociologist. Someday, I’ll write a full-length review of this episode because, from a historical point of view, it’s really is spectacular.

I followed this up with my second favorite episode, in which Friday enrolled in night school and promptly arrested one of his classmates.

Fantasy Island (Daily Motion)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Highway to Heaven (Freevee)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Miami Vice (Prime)

I wrote about Miami Vice here!

Monsters (YouTube)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Snub UK (Night Flight Plus)

I watched an episode of this old music show on Friday night. The music videos were enjoyably trippy.

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here.

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back, Kotter here!

World’s Most Evil Killers (YouTube)

On Friday, I watched an episode about Arizona’s Baseline Killer. He was definitely evil and he was a killer so I guess the show delivered what it promised.

World’s Most Evil Prisoners (YouTube)

On Wednesday morning, I watched a profile of Christa Pike, the youngest inmate on Tennessee’s Death Row. And yes, Christa Pike did appear to be really, really evil. As a fellow redhead, I was upset to see a member of the 2% behaving so badly.

On Friday, I watched an episode about T.D. Bingham, a leader of the Aryan Brotherhood. He was definitely a scary guy, as well as being an evil prisoner. So, just as with World’s Most Evil Killers, this show delivered what it promised.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.13 “Isaac’s Teacher/Seal of Approval/The Curse of Dumbrowskis”

Posted on April 24, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Get ready for a very odd cruise!

Episode 4.13 “Isaac’s Teacher/Seal of Approval/The Curse of the Dumbrowskis”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on January 10th, 1981)

This is a weird episode.

Harriet (Florence Henderson) boards the ship with her husband, Harold Rogers (Jeffrey Tambor). Now, the idea of Florence Henderson and Jeffrey Tambor as a married couple may sound strange but it’s even stranger when you actually see it. Henderson and Tambor have absolutely zero chemistry together. Tambor looks more like Henderson’s no-good stepson than her husband.

Harriet is convinced that she is destined to die at an early age so she continually pressures Harold to find a woman that he can marry after she’s gone. In fact, Harriet thinks that maybe Harold could marry another passenger on the boat, Cindy (Christina Hart). Harold is getting frustrated with the pressure that Harriet is putting on him to find a new lover. Doc Bricker suggests that maybe Harold should make Harriet jealous by cheating on her with Cindy. What? I mean, I’m not surprised that Doc would make that suggestion but it is a bit odd that the show itself seems to think that this is a good idea. Harold goes along with the idea because, even if Harriet doesn’t get jealous, he’ll still get to sleep with Cindy. Wait. What?

Harriet is okay with Harold cheating on her until Harold says that he wants to give her favorite necklace to Cindy. Harriet realizes that she’s not okay with Harold giving her jewelry to his adulterous lover and she decides that she’ll no longer pressure Harold to find a new wife. They leave the ship with their marriage stronger than ever. Doc saves the day!

Meanwhile, Karen (Georgia Engel) boards the boat and immediately falls for Oscar Tilton (Donald O’Connor). Now, as mismatched as Florence Henderson and Jeffrey Tambor are, they seem like soulmates compared to Georgia Engel and Donald O’Connor. For one thing, O’Connor appears to be about 20 years older than Georgia Engel. Secondly, Donald O’Connor’s ebullient style clashes wildly with Georgia Engel’s inability to speak above a whisper.

Oscar is an entertainer who is traveling with his seal, Shirley. When Shirley sees that Oscar and Karen are falling in love, Shirley gets jealous and throws herself overboard. She leaves behind her rubber ball, apparently as a way to taunt Oscar. Oscar is depressed. How can he do his act without Shirley? Karen encourages him by telling him that he doesn’t need the seal to be entertaining. Gopher even helps out by playing the horns that Shirley would have played had she not jumped into the ocean….

I am not making this up.

Anyway, good news all around. Shirley survives jumping into the ocean and swims back to Oscar’s beach house. Shirley shows up when the boat docks in Los Angeles. Oscar tells Shirley that Karen is going to be a part of his life from now on. Shirley claps her fins, indicating that she approves.

NO, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!

All I can say is thank goodness for Lillian Gish. Gish plays Mrs. Williams, who boards the boat with her hulking nephew (Reb Brown). Mrs. Williams is also Isaac’s former teacher. Isaac is insecure about just being a bartender and pretends, with Gopher’s help, to be the ship’s first officer. Captain Stubing is not amused. Isaac tells Mrs. Williams the truth and Mrs. Williams replies that she is proud of Isaac, no matter what he does for a living.

Awwwwwwww!

This was a really simple story but it was sweet. Lillian Gish’s natural class provided a balance to Jeffrey Tambor cheating on Florence Henderson and Donald O’Connor’s seal trying to scare off Georgia Engel. And Ted Lange — seriously, episodes like this remind the viewer of how lucky The Love Boat was to have him. Yes, everyone knows that pointing thing that he does. But Lange also played Isaac as being a genuinely nice guy. I don’t drink but if I did, I would want Isaac to be my bartender.

Again, this episode was weird but at least it gave Lillian Gish and Ted Lange a chance to shine.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/14/24 — 4/20/24

Posted on April 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, CBS)

Yay! Janine is finally back at the school, where she belongs. Hopefully, we won’t have to spend any more time with those district dorks. Considering how much I disliked the whole district storyline, I’m kind of thankful this is a shortened season. I don’t know I could have handled 20 episodes of Janine working for the district.

Plus, it looks like Ava Fest was a huge success! Congrats to all!

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Blind Date (YouTube)

On Saturday evening, I watched an episode featuring a guy named Igor who had a terrible date. I wonder if, back in 1999. Igor had any idea his bad date would still be available for viewing in 2024.

Check It Out! (Tubi)

My review of this week’s episode will be dropping in about 90 minutes.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here!

Fantasy Island (Daily Motion)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

On Sunday night, I watched last week’s episode of Law & Order. I have to admit that I cringed at first, especially when it appeared that the villain was going to be a Republican congressman. Law & Order is always at its worse when it tries to deal with partisan politics and the stuff with the congressman was painfully heavy-handed. (One can tell that it’s been a while since anyone in the writer’s room talked to an actual Republican.) Fortunately, the show’s signature twist was that the congressman had nothing to do with it and the murderer was a Ukranian refugee who claimed to be suffering from PTSD. Naturally, Maroun wasn’t sure if the woman should be prosecuted because she had family members who suffered from the same thing. Price told Maroun to stop crying and do her job and good for him. Anyway, this episode turned out to be stronger than I was expecting. It was another entry in what has, so far, been a pretty good season.

On Thursday night, I watched the latest episode of Law & Order. A chef, who had previously been wrongly convicted of rape and murder, was killed by someone. His attorney was arrested but then Nolan started to have doubts as to whether or not the guy was actually guilty. It turned out that it was actually the attorney’s wife who committed the murder. This episode was obviously designed to try to make Nolan into a more likable figure. (“Nolan Price does it again!” Shaw happily said at one point.) But the whole thing just fell kind of flat. The only moment that really worked for me was when D.A. Baxter told Nolan to stop whining and do his job.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

The Masters (Sunday Afternoon, CBS)

Congratulations to Scottie Scheffler! And yes, I do enjoy watching golf. I like the peaceful beauty of the courses.

Miami Vice (Prime)

I wrote about Miami Vice here!

Monsters (YouTube)

I wrote about Monsters here!

New Sounds (Night Flight Plus)

This was a music video show that aired in the late 80s, I believe. I watched an episode on Friday night. Some of the music was good and some of it was kind of forgettable. Such is life.

Our America With Lisa Ling (YouTube)

On Saturday, I watched an episode of this old news program in which Lisa Ling interviewed parents whose children had been taken away from them. Lisa Ling is one of those reporters who has a tendency to do a fake “journalist voice” whenever she speaks and it kind of made it difficult for me to treat the episode with the seriousness it deserved.

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Veronica’s Video (YouTube)

I sacrificed my eyesight to review Veronica’s Video.

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.12 “Doc’s Dismissal/A Frugal Pair/The Girl Next Door”

Posted on April 17, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Doc’s in trouble!

Episode 4.12 “Doc’s Dismissal/A Frugal Pair/The Girl Next Door”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 3rd, 1981)

Carl (Lew Ayres) and his wife, Violet (Janet Gaynor), board the boat in a good mood. Carl has just retired from the post office and they’re about to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. Awwwww! Carl and Violet are the sweetest couple ever, frequently referring to each other by pet names. They’re also very frugal. Violet brings her own tea bag on board. Carl turns down a bottle of champagne. They are a nice old couple who know the value of pinching a penny.

But, on the morning of their anniversary, Violet tells Carl a secret and everything changes. It turns out that Violet has been buying stock for years. She based her purchases on whatever pet name Carl used for her that day. If the name started with a G, she bought General Motors. If it started with an S, she bought Standard Oil. Once, Carl used a name that started with a “Z,” and she bought stock in Xerox. She explains that she didn’t know how Xerox was spelled at the time. (So, how did she buy the stock?) Anyway, the important thing is that Carl and Violet are rich and they have been for several decades.

Carl is upset by this news. If he had known he was rich, he wouldn’t have spent years at the post office! I see his point though, to be honest, they’re not that rich. The total stock portfolio is only worth $200,000. Still, Carl and Violet stop speaking to each other. Julie, Isaac, and Gopher jump into action and throw them an anniversary party, which causes Carl and Violet to remember how much they love each other.

Meanwhile, Charley Cole (Sal Viscuso) tells Pam Madison (Lynda Goodfriend) that he’s with the CIA so that she’ll let him stay in her cabin so that he can spy on his girlfriend (Denise DuBarry) and the guy (Stephen Shortridge) with whom she is cheating. Got all that? This storyline was incredibly dumb but it was saved by the frantic performance of Sal Viscuso, who managed to make even the lamest of lines seem funny.

Finally, Sally (Jessica Walter) boards the ship with her lout of a husband, Hank (Alex Cord). Hank is the type of jerk who looks at other women while his wife is sitting right next to him. Complaining of a headache, Sally goes to Doc Bricker’s cabin for some aspirin. Doc, who has witnessed Hank’s bad behavior, is sympathetic to Sally. Later, Sally tries to make Hank jealous by saying that Doc hit on her when she went to see him.

Angered, Hank calls the captain and accuses Doc of sexually harassing his wife. The Captain is forced to suspend Doc from his duties until an investigation can be launched. The crew is shocked. Doc would never hit on a patient, they all say. Except, of course, Doc does exactly that every single episode! Seriously, Doc is a walking HR nightmare. (Fortunately, for Doc, he was played by the always likable Bernie Kopell.) When the captain makes it clear that Doc could be fired and lose his medical license, Sally admits that he never hit on her. Doc keeps his job and somehow, all of this fixes Sally and Hank’s marriage. Later, Gopher and Isaac joke about how Doc got in trouble for the one time he “didn’t hit on a passenger.” Gopher and Isaac aren’t blind to what’s happening.

This was a surprisingly effective episode. Lew Ayres and Janet Gaynor were adorable and Jessica Walter’s intense, method performance as a desperately unhappy wife provided a good change-of-pace from all of the usual Love Boat goofiness. Even with all of the CIA nonsense, this was an entertaining cruise.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.11 “That’s My Dad/Captive Audience/The Captain’s Bird”

Posted on April 10, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Merry Christmas!

Episode 4.11 “That’s My Dad/Captive Audience/The Captain’s Bird”

(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on December 20th, 1980)

It’s time for the Love Boat’s annual Christmas cruise and, appropriately enough, this cruise is all about family.

For instance, Captain Stubing has decided that the perfect Christmas gift for Vicki would be a parrot. After the bird is brought on board, Stubing decides that the perfect place to hide it would be in Gopher’s cabin. Gopher goes along with this because it’s something of a miracle that he hasn’t been fired yet. I mean, when you’ve screwed up as much as Gopher has, you’re not really in a position to argue with your boss. The only problem with all of this is that the parrot won’t talk. Stubing isn’t happy about that so Isaac and Gopher try to teach the bird to sing a Christmas carol. Instead, the bird starts saying, “Captain Stubing is a jerk!” Uh-oh!

Meanwhile, singer Bobby Braddock (Jack Jones, who sang The Love Boat theme song) boards the ship with his wife, Susan (Laraine Stephens). What Bobby doesn’t know is that his father, Richard (Allan Jones), and his mother, Lil (Dorothy Lamour), are also on the ship. Bobby got his start as a part of Richard’s act and Richard has never forgiven Bobby for going solo. Julie, Lil, and Susan all hope that they can bring father and son back together again. Needless to say, Richard doesn’t appreciate being tricked into boarding a boat with his son. He grimaces while listening to Bobby sing Winter Wonderland and then storms out of the lounge when Julie asks him to join his son on stage. Merry Christmas, I guess!

Still, as bad as Bobby Braddock has it, it’s nothing compared to what’s going on with young Scotty (Meeno Peluce). Looking to escape an abusive life at home, Scotty sneaks on board the ship by telling the crew that another passenger, Jeff Dalton (Dirk Benedict), is his father. Scotty then proceeds to follow Jeff around the boat. Jeff has no idea that everyone thinks that he is Scotty’s father. When Jeff meets a woman and politely tells Scotty to scram, the crew is scandalized. When Stubing sees the bruises on Scotty’s back, he assumes that Jeff is responsible.

Well, don’t worry. Things may look bleak at the halfway mark but everything works out in the end. Jeff realizes that maybe he would like to be a father to a random runaway. Richard realizes that he can forgive his son for wanting to make his own way. Crew members dress up like Santa Claus and Vicki has a happy holiday on the ocean.

You know what? This was a silly episode but I enjoyed it. I’m a sucker for Christmas episodes and this one had enough comedy and drama to keep me entertained and the story involving Scotty and Jeff even touched my heart a little. This was definitely a cruise worth taking.