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Late Night Retro Television Review: Good Morning Miss Bliss 1.11 “Stevie”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Good Morning, Miss Bliss, which ran on the Disney Channel from 1988 to 1989 before then moving to NBC and being renamed Saved By The Bell.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This is perhaps the dumbest episode of this show yet.

Episode 1.11 “Stevie”

(Dir by Burt Brinckerhoff, originally aired March 4th, 1989)

The world’s most popular pop singer (Suzanna Tara) is performing at her old middle school, JFK Junior High!  The world knows her as Stevie but Miss Bliss still calls her “Colleen Morton.”  Since Colleen/Stevie’s parents are no longer living in Indiana, Miss Bliss suggests that Stevie should stay with her.  Stevie agrees because, when you’re a millionaire who can literally stay anywhere, why wouldn’t you want to stay with a condescending middle school teacher?

During her concert, Stevie will be singing to one student who will join her on stage.  Zach wants to be that student, especially since he’s made a bet that he’ll kiss Stevie before the week ends.  Zach sends Stevie a letter, claiming to be terminally ill.  Stevie is touched.  Mr. Belding is touched.  Miss Bliss sees right through Zach and exposes him for being a liar.

When Zach goes to Miss Bliss’s house to apologize, he meets Colleen.  Like Zach, Colleen is also a damn liar and claims to be Miss Bliss’s niece.  Zach and Colleen talk about how Stevie is retiring to go to college.  Zach thinks that is crazy and I agree.  Colleen kisses Zach on the cheek.

Later, watching Stevie sing to Screech, Zach realizes who she is.  “I kissed Stevie!” he shouts.  Nikki tells him to get bent.

This was an annoying episode.  I could buy the idea of Stevie wanting to perform at her old high school but seriously, who would ever want to return to middle school?  Who remembers their middle school teachers?  Who would want to stay with Miss Bliss?  Add to that, this was yet another episode of Good Morning Miss Bliss that was so poorly lit that I almost went blind from the glare of Mark-Paul Gosselaar’s hair.

This whole thing was just dumb.

Retro Television Review: The American Short Story #17: The Greatest Man In The World

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing The American Short Story, which ran semi-regularly on PBS in 1974 to 1981.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime and found on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, The American Short Story comes to a close.

Episode #17: The Greatest Man In The World

(Dir by Ralph Rosenbaum, originally aired in 1981)

In this adaptation of a James Thurber short story, a country boy named Jack Smurch (Brad Davis) briefly becomes a celebrity when he breaks Charles Lindbergh’s record for flying nostop around the world.  Two reporters (Reed Birney and John McMartin) are assigned to write a glowing profile of him.  The U.S. Secretary of State (William Prince) wants to make him a symbol of America.  The only problem is that Smurch himself is a violent and dull-minded habitual criminal who can barely fly his plane and who almost crashes when he comes in for a landing at the end of his flight.  Before he took off in his plane, the only person who cared about Smurch was his girlfriend (Carol Kane).  Even Smurch’s own mother says that she hopes that he crashes and drowns.  But once he manages to land, Smurch becomes a hero.  As the saying goes, print the legend.

Smurch, unfortunately, isn’t smart enough to play along with the hero routine.  At a meeting with the Secretary of State and the President (who is implied to be FDR), Smurch proves to be so obnoxious that he’s tossed out of a window.  He plunges to his death but he dies an American hero.

The final episode of The American Short Story was also the best, a wonderfully dark satire on the media and our cultural need for heroes.  Brad Davis’s naturally obnoxious screen presence — the same presence that made audiences enjoy seeing him get tortured in Midnight Express — is put to good use here.  Jack Smurch is such a jerk that you really can’t blame anyone for tossing him out that window.  If nothing else, it got him to stop talking.

The American Short Story was, overall, an uneven series.  Too often, the episodes failed to really capture the tone and style that made the original stories so memorable.  That said, there were a few good episodes, like this one.  If nothing else, perhaps this series inspired people to read the original stories for themselves.  That would have been the best possible outcome.

Next week …. something new will premiere in the time slot!  What will it be?  I’ll give you a clue — it’s set on the beach but it’s not Pacific Blue.  Let’s just say that some people stand in the darkness….

Late Night Retro Television Review: Freddy’s Nightmares 1.10 “The Bride Wore Red”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Plex!

This week, who the Hell knows?

Episode 1.10 “The Bride Wore Red”

(Dir by George Kaczender, originally aired on December 18th, 1988)

This was a dumbass episode.

The first half of the episode dealt with Gavin (Eddie Driscoll) and his anxiety about his upcoming wedding to Jessica (Diane Franklin).  His friends take him out to a bar (called the Ball and Chain) where a stripper (Michele Pawk) ties him up and then taunts him about how bad marriage is going to be.  At the wedding, Gavin keeps seeing a mysterious woman (Katherine Moffat) who is dressed in red.  Then, we flash forward and see how miserable Gavin and Jessica are as a married couple.  Jessica no longer wear dresses and instead spends all day in sweatpants.  Gavin only kiss her when he wants sex.  He spends all of his time at the office.  Suddenly, we’re back at the church and Gavin says, “I do,” and kisses Jessica while the woman in red watches from her pew.

Obviously, the flashforwards were all a part of Gavin’s fantasy while standing at the altar.  But if the flashforwards were the fantasy, what are we to make of the equally cartoonish scenes at the bar?  Was all of that supposed to be real?  Even more importantly, who cares one way or the other?  There really wasn’t much of a story here.

The second half of the episode opened with Jessica and Gavin returning from their honeymoon.  Jessica is upset when she learns her father wants them to come over for dinner.  Jessica then goes out on her own, picks up a married man, ties him to a hotel room bed, and takes his picture.  She has an entire album full of pictures so apparently, she’s been doing this for a long time.

A dream sequence reveals that, when Jessica was a child, she caught her father cheating on her mother and he told her that if she ever told anyone, it would lead to divorce and Jessica would be carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey.

Back in the “real” world, Jessica and Gavin arrive for dinner but Jessica freaks out when she sees that her father (Arthur Roberts) is holding a carving knife.  Jessica reveals that her father cheated on her mother (Margaret Shinn) but her mother reveals that she already knows.  Jessica runs from the house and is kidnapped by the guy she previously photographed.  Soon, she’s the one who is tied to a bed while the guy sharpens a knife….

But then, suddenly, Jessica is tied down to a bed in a mental hospital and her husband is telling a doctor that “this always happens” whenever she has dinner with her parents.  Hey, Gavin — maybe y’all should just stop having dinner with her parents.  Just a thought.

Despite the presence of the talented Diane Franklin, this episode felt pretty superfluous.  Gavin’s story felt pointless.  Jessica’s story at least had a point but it still fell flat.  I’m not sure why Freddy would waste his time with either one of these nightmares.

 

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 2.17 “Vanity”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week’s episode was available on neither Hulu nor Prime.  I had to watch a really terrible upload that I found on Daily Motion.  Bleh.

Episode 2.17 “Vanity”

(Dir by Mark Tinker, originally aired on March 7th, 1984)

I was relieved to see that this episode featured Kathy Martin returning to the hospital.  I was seriously worried that Peter White had killed her.  With Peter in jail for attacking Wendy Armstrong, Kathy doesn’t tell anyone that Peter raped her.  From the minute we first see her, it’s clear that Kathy is suffering from severe PTSD.  As a character, Kathy Martin was not always treated well by this show.  During the first season, she was often portrayed as being a caricature, the quirky pathologist who liked to have sex in strange places.  This episode finally allowed Kathy to emerge as a fully-developed character and Barbara Whinnery gave a strong performance in the role.

Peter is in jail.  Despite Wendy’s anger, Dr. Morrison regularly visits him.  Morrison says that Peter is obviously sick and needs help but, at the same time, he hasn’t accepted that Peter is also the Ski Mask Rapist.  (Peter wasn’t wearing his mask when he attacked Wendy.)  As for Peter, he continues to feel sorry for himself.

Dr. Craig is upset when he receives a cop of the documentary about him and he discovers that he comes across like an arrogant martinet.  Dr. Craig threatens to sue the director (played, again, by Michael Richards) though one gets the feeling that Craig is mainly angry because he knows the documentary is true.

Nurse Rosenthal gets reconstructive breast surgery.  Joseph, the construction worker who has been having attacks of blindness, is successfully operated on.  Sometimes, things work out well at the hospital.  Not often, but sometimes.

Finally. Mr. Entertainment (Austin Pendleton) returns, singing to patients and upsetting his supervisor.  (Mr. Entertainment now works as a janitor at the hospital.)  To be honest, the majority of this episode was devoted to Mr. Entertainment and it was a bit too much.  Austin Pendleton is a good actor but Mr. Entertainment is such a cartoonish character that I mentally checked out of his story.

This was an odd episode.  There was a lot to work but it was almost all overshadowed by Mr. Entertainment.  Sometimes, you can tell a writer has fallen so in love with a minor character that they’ve forgotten about what the audience is actually interested in.  The episode felt like an example of that.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 4.15 “Time In A Bottle”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, it’s another courtroom drama on Highway to Heaven.

Episode 4.15 “Time In A Bottle”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on January 20th, 1988)

A homeless man who goes by the name of Humphrey Bogart (Henry Bal) is arrested for trying to steal a bottle of cheap wine from a liquor store.  The hard-nosed assistant D.A. (Robin Strasser) charges him with a felony.  Jonathan and Mark recruit Humphrey’s friend, Matthew (John Rubinstein), to defend him in court.  Matthew may be homeless but he’s also a lawyer!

It turns out that a corrupt city councilman (Alan Fudge) wants to crack down on the homeless because he wants to turn the homeless district into a commercial area.  If you already guessed that this episode ends with Matthew leading a march of homeless people into a city council meeting while they chant “We will be heard,” then you’ve obviously seen quite a few episodes of Highway to Heaven.

Highway to Heaven frequently did stories about the homeless and I really can’t criticize the show for that.  This was an issue that Michael Landon obviously cared a lot about and the show was usually so earnest and sincere that you could overlook just how heavy-handed it often was.  The homeless people on Highway to Heaven are always a lot more clean-cut and polite than the ones that I used to yell at me when I worked in downtown Dallas.  On Highway to Heaven, the homeless are always funny and philosophical and they have wonderful lessons to teach everyone.  In Dallas, they come up to your car window while you’re stuck in traffic.  In order to visit my aunt when she was dying at Medical City last month, I had to endure being shouted at and occasionally threatened by all sorts of people.  By the end of it, I was running red lights because paying a fine was less annoying than having that guy whole lived at the Forest/Central intersection calling me the C-word while I was waiting for the light to change.

(That’s not say that the homeless should not be treated with compassion or helped because they certainly should.  I’m just saying that this habit that some people have of idealizing and infantilizing anyone living on the streets is, in many ways, as destructive as just ignoring the problem.)

As for this episode, it was a bit too preachy for its own good.  And I know what you’re going to say.  “It’s Highway to Heaven, it’s always preachy.”  That’s true to an extent but the first three seasons were also a bit less self-righteous than the fourth season has been.  The first three seasons featured characters who were often misguided but who were also capable of being redeemed.  In the past, this episode would have been about the city councilman seeing the error of his ways.  This season, though, the city councilman is just evil because he is.  It’s a far more heavy-handed approach to take and, as a result, far less effective.

This is another episode where one impassioned speech manages to change everyone’s mind.  If only things were as simple in the real world.

Retro Television Review: The Decoy 1.5 “Dream Fix”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Decoy, which aired in Syndication in 1957 and 1958.  The show can be viewed on Tubi!

This week, Casey goes after a drug dealer.

Episode 1.5 “Dream Fix”

(Dir by Teddy Sills, originally aired on November 11th, 1957)

This week’s episode opens with Casey walking down a city street.  She tells us that she’s working Juvenile undercover, which apparently means that she just walks around the city and waits for a teenager to do something strange.  When she sees a teenage girl collapse on the sidewalk, Casey runs over to her and looks at the powder in her hand.  Casey tastes it.

“Heroin!” Casey snaps.

(How are cops always able to dip their fingers in random powers and then taste it without anything bad happening?  What if the cocaine turned out to be strychnine?  It just seems like a poor training and an unnecessary risk.)

Joanne Kittridge (Phyllis Newman) is indeed hooked on cocaine and heroin.  However, neither her rich father (Les Damon) or her attorney (Frank Bandimer) want her to work with the police to track down her dealer.  Her attorney arranges for Joanne to be sent to a rehab.  Casey’s lieutenant (played, in this episode, by Simon Oakland) assigns Casey to undercover as a nurse.

In the end, Joanne not only gets straight but she reveals that her drug dealer is her lawyer!  When the attorney pulls a gun on Joanne, Casey pulls her gun and shouts, “Freeze, police!”

This was a good episode, one that was well-acted by the entire cast and which featured Beverly Garland at her best.  (Garland even gets to show off some karate moves when she disarms the attorney.)  That said, it’s starting to bother me how almost all of Casey’s assignments seem to involve her pretending to be someone’s friend.  I get that she’s working undercover but it’s sometimes hard not to wonder what’s going to happen to people like Joanne after they realize that the only reason Casey talked to her in the first place was because someone ordered her to.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 1.11 “Rona’s Fling”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, the Bulls try to keep their season alive.

Episode 1.11 “Rona’s Fling”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on February 3rd, 1985)

Rona (Ruta Lee) has been Diane’s best friend and biggest supporter since she first appeared during 1st & Ten’s pilot.  And yet I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned her in any of my review because her character just wasn’t that interesting.  She was a sarcastic society maven who was always drinking.  She was a bit of a sitcom cliche and I didn’t really see any need to waste a lot time on her character.

This episode, however, opens with Rona getting out of rehab.  She’s stopped drinking!  And she’s also met a guy, a fellow alcoholic.  Tim (Will Bledsoe) is a young and handsome and he and Rona have great sex.  Tim is also the Bulls’s new punter!  With Tim on the team, the Bulls are guaranteed to make it to the playoffs!  (I never knew punters were so important.)

Meanwhile, the Arcola Brothers are also determined to make sure the Bulls make it to the playoffs.  They bribe a referee.

The referee, however, is knocked out early in the game when two plays collide with him.  However, the Bulls win the game on their own, no doubt thanks to Tim and his amazing punting abilities!  Rona would be happy except she’s recently learned that Tim is married.  Tim was separated when he went into rehab but, once he got out, his wife fell in love with him all over again.

And that’s pretty much the episode.  It wasn’t a bad episode, even if the whole thing with the referee felt a bit anti-climatic.  Ruta Lee gave a good performance as Rona and I appreciated the fact that she was still sober at the end of the episode.  And, hey ….. The Bulls are going to the playoffs!

Thank God for the kicking team, I guess.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.18 and 6.19 “Isaac’s Aegean Affair/The Captain and The Kid/Poor Rich Man/ The Dean and the Flunkee”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, we have a special two-hour episode!

Episodes 6.18 and 6.19 “Isaac’s Aegean Affair/The Captain and The Kid/Poor Rich Man/ The Dean and the Flunkee”

(Dir by Alan Rafkin, originally aired on February 5th, 1983)

The Love Boat is going to Greece!

This is another one of those two-hour Love Boat episodes.  The crew is assigned to work a Greek cruise.  Love and sight-seeing follow.  Isaac, for instance, falls in love with a passenger named Reesa (Debbie Allen) and even resigns from the crew so that he can spend the rest of his life in Greece with her.  Unfortunately, Isaac forgets to ask Reesa ahead of time and, when Isaac returns to Reesa’s Greek flat, he discovers that she had reconciled with her husband (James A. Watson, Jr.).  It’s back to the Love Boat for Isaac!

Meanwhile, the graduating class of Captain Stubing’s old college is holding their graduation ceremony at the ruins of a Greek temple.  The class  valedictorian (Jameson Parker) give a speech in which he shows appreciation to his Greek aunt (Eva Marie Saint), even though he’s discovered that she’s not as a wealthy as he originally assumed she was.  The Dean (Eddie Albert) is finally convinced to give a makeup exam to a student (Leigh McCloskey) who missed his history final.  A teacher (Shirley Jones) finally agrees to marry the dean.  And Vicki briefly falls in love with a 16 year-old prodigy (Jimmy McNichol) and she gets engaged to him for about an hour or two.  Captain Stubing wonders how Vicki would be able to continue her education if she got married.  I’m wondering how she’s continuing her education while living and working on a cruise ship.

There was a lot going on in this episode but the true star of the show was the Greek scenery.  This episode was filmed on location and, as such, it’s basically a travelogue.  Fortunately, Greece looks beautiful!  Seriously, the 2-hour, on-location episodes of The Love Boat must have been a blast to shoot.

This week?  This week was probably a 10 out of 10 on the How Coked Up Was Julie Scale but hey, she was in Greece.  She had every right to live a little.

Now, I want to take a cruise!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.21 “The Last Ride”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, wild things are happening in Malibu.

Episode 2.21 “The Last Ride”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on April 13th, 1997)

Mahmoud (Shaun Toub) has promised everyone that he will be going straight as soon as he completes his community service.  However, we all know better than to trust Mahmoud!  It turns out that he’s gotten involved in an elaborate con job to sell Malibu Pier to some naive investors.  Oh, that Mahmoud!

What was that?  What did you ask?  Oh, who is Mahmoud?

I asked that exact same question when I watched this episode.  I had no idea who Mahmoud was or why exactly he was at the center of an episode of a show about bicycle cops.  Chris and Cory did show up occasionally to harass him but, still, it really did seem like Mahmoud belonged on a different show.  After this episode ended, I did a search of my previous reviews and discovered that Mahmoud actually has appeared on the show before.  As a vendor on the beach, he sold Chris a necklace that made her neck turn green.  But that was about eight episodes ago and it was a rather minor subplot, all things considered.

As for Mahmoud in this episode, he was annoying.  His dialogue was overwritten, his story felt cartoonish, and Shaun Taub’s overacting didn’t help things.  Still, it’s interesting to think that the regular characters were so boring that the show’s writers decided they would rather do a show about a minor supporting character than actually try to come up with anything for Chris and Cory to do.

The episode’s other subplot actually does feature the bicycle cops.  Victor’s childhood friend has been released from prison and is now the head of a violent car theft ring.  Victor is forced to deal with his own guilt over being a juvenile delinquent as he and TC try to take down the car thieves.  This was pretty standard stuff but it did feature one scene that was just stupid enough to be entertaining.  With the car thieves opening fire on them, Victor and TC ride their bikes straight toward the thieves.  Eventually they both stand up on their still-moving bikes and, leaning forward against the handle bars, they start shooting their guns back at the bad guys.  Somehow, they’re able to do this and aim well-enough to take out the car thieves while also keeping their bikes rolling forward.  (TC does get shot but it turns out the bullet only grazed his forehead.  “He’ll just have a headache for a while,” Chris says.  Yeah, I would think so.)  This is one of those moments that would have been really badass if not for the fact that Victor and TC were still wearing their dorky bike cop uniforms during it.  The blue shorts, the white polo shirts, the bicycle helmets — sorry, you just can’t look cool when you’re wearing all that.  Nice try, guys!

Next week, season 2 ends!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.11 “Games People Play/The Sweet Life”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

“Smiles, everyone …. SMILES, DAMMIT!”

Episode 7.11 “Games People Play/The Sweet Life”

(Dir by Cliff Bole and Don Weiss, originally aired on January 14th, 1984)

Three women who all work for a toy company come to Fantasy Island.  Nora Leonard (Lynda Day George) has closed off her heart after getting hurt in too many past relationships.  Barbara Jessup (Jenilee Harrison) wants her boss to look past her appearance and realize that she really does have a brain to go with her beauty.  Sandy Hoffman (Berlinda Tolbert) wants to have the courage to present her ideas….

Oh hey, it’s a Wizard of Oz thing!  Except it’s not.  There’s no Dorothy and there’s no Toto.  There’s a corporate spy named Steven Curry (John McCook), who wants the details of the company’s new video game and who also falls for Nora.  And there’s Dick York as Mr. Sutton, who wears a bowtie as all toy company execs do.

What there is not is an interesting fantasy.  Even with three separate fantasies in one, this storyline was pretty blah.  Everyone seemed a bit bored, even the usually dependable Lynda Day George.

The other fantasy was slightly more interesting, but only because it featured the great character actor Kevin McCarthy as Daniel Koster.  Daniel wanted to give his wife and his children the lifestyle they could have had if Daniel had been rich.  In fact, Daniel sent his family to Fantasy Island ahead of him so that they could enjoy being rich without him around.  (What?)  I was always under the impression that guests at the Island only stayed for a weekend.  Daniel comes to the Island and discovers that his family appears to be very happy, even if his son is still writing bad poetry.  (There’s no money in poetry, Daniel gruffly explains and, as a poet, I can say that’s very true.)  Along with his son’s rhyming habits, Daniel has other things to deal with, like his bad heart.

In fact, Daniel dies of a heart attack while on the Island but not before realizing that his family always loved him, even if they weren’t rich.  Having Daniel die was depressing.  What made it even worse is that Roarke apparently knew Daniel was probably going to die on the Island but he didn’t really seem to do anything to try to prevent it from happening.  Instead, he just made a bunch of cryptic comments to Lawrence about how Daniel’s weekend on Fantasy Island could be his last.  Lawrence looked concerned but didn’t do anything to help.  Why is Lawrence even there?

Eh, this episode.  I always enjoy watching Kevin McCarthy and he gives a typically solid performance but otherwise, this was a disappointing trip to the Island.