October Positivity: Revelation Road: The Beginning of the End (dir by Gabriel Sabloff)


Eric Roberts is in the 2013 film, Revelation Road: The Beginning of the End.

Of course, he’s only in it for a few minutes.  In fact, if you blink, you will miss him.  He plays Sheriff Jenson, who is in charge of enforcing the law in a small desert community.  He appears long enough to tell salesman John McManus (David A.R. White) not to leave town.  McManus has just killed three armed men who were attempting to rob a general store.  The store’s owner (Ray Wise) invites him to dinner but the cops are curious as to how a salesman could be so proficient at killing people.

Revelation Road plays out over the course of one long night.  A group of bikers, led by the fearsome Hawg (Brian Bosworth), are seeking revenge for the death of their compatriots.  Meanwhile, Iran is pushing the world towards war.  In a motel, a woman asks John for money.  Lighting flashes.  Lights flicker on and off.  The Earth shakes.  It’s a fearful time, largely because the world itself is coming to an end.  A little over an hour into this 88 minute film, there’s a sudden blinding light and suddenly, a fourth of the cast vanishes.  One person who does not vanish runs into a kindly stranger, played by Bruce Marchiano.  Marchiano will be well-known to viewers of faith-based cinema for the number of times that he’s played Jesus.  So, you can probably guess what’s happened.

Revelation Road ends with the promise of a sequel, which means that the film also ends with a lot of unanswered questions.  It makes Revelation Road difficult to really review because it’s obviously meant to be a prologue to the actual story.  I will note that Revelation Road is a surprisingly violent movie, at least by the standards of most faith-based films.  Then again, most of the violence was in self-defense and the Bible itself is full of stories of violent men who found redemption.  In fact, you could probably argue that it’s impossible to do an apocalypse movie that isn’t violent.  We’ll just have to wait to see where this story is heading.

I’ll review the sequel tomorrow.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

  1. Paul’s Case (1980)
  2. Star 80 (1983)
  3. Runaway Train (1985)
  4. To Heal A Nation (1988)
  5. Best of the Best (1989)
  6. Blood Red (1989)
  7. The Ambulance (1990)
  8. The Lost Capone (1990)
  9. Best of the Best II (1993)
  10. Love, Cheat, & Steal (1993)
  11. Voyage (1993)
  12. Love Is A Gun (1994)
  13. Sensation (1994)
  14. Dark Angel (1996)
  15. Doctor Who (1996)
  16. Most Wanted (1997)
  17. Mercy Streets (2000)
  18. Raptor (2001)
  19. Rough Air: Danger on Flight 534 (2001)
  20. Strange Frequency (2001)
  21. Wolves of Wall Street (2002)
  22. Border Blues (2004)
  23. Mr. Brightside (2004)
  24. Six: The Mark Unleased (2004)
  25. We Belong Together (2005)
  26. Hey You (2006)
  27. Depth Charge (2008)
  28. Amazing Racer (2009)
  29. The Chaos Experiment (2009)
  30. In The Blink of an Eye (2009)
  31. Bed & Breakfast (2010)
  32. Enemies Among Us (2010)
  33. The Expendables (2010) 
  34. Sharktopus (2010)
  35. Beyond The Trophy (2012)
  36. The Dead Want Women (2012)
  37. Deadline (2012)
  38. The Mark (2012)
  39. Miss Atomic Bomb (2012)
  40. Assault on Wall Street (2013)
  41. Bonnie And Clyde: Justified (2013)
  42. Lovelace (2013)
  43. The Mark: Redemption (2013)
  44. The Perfect Summer (2013)
  45. Self-Storage (2013)
  46. Sink Hole (2013)
  47. A Talking Cat!?! (2013)
  48. This Is Our Time (2013)
  49. Bigfoot vs DB Cooper (2014)
  50. Doc Holliday’s Revenge (2014)
  51. Inherent Vice (2014)
  52. Road to the Open (2014)
  53. Rumors of War (2014)
  54. Amityville Death House (2015)
  55. Deadly Sanctuary (2015)
  56. A Fatal Obsession (2015)
  57. Las Vegas Story (2015)
  58. Sorority Slaughterhouse (2015)
  59. Stalked By My Doctor (2015)
  60. Enemy Within (2016)
  61. Hunting Season (2016)
  62. Joker’s Poltergeist (2016)
  63. Prayer Never Fails (2016)
  64. Stalked By My Doctor: The Return (2016)
  65. The Wrong Roommate (2016)
  66. Dark Image (2017)
  67. The Demonic Dead (2017)
  68. Black Wake (2018)
  69. Frank and Ava (2018)
  70. Stalked By My Doctor: Patient’s Revenge (2018)
  71. Clinton Island (2019)
  72. Monster Island (2019)
  73. The Reliant (2019)
  74. The Savant (2019)
  75. Seven Deadly Sins (2019)
  76. Stalked By My Doctor: A Sleepwalker’s Nightmare (2019)
  77. The Wrong Mommy (2019)
  78. Exodus of a Prodigal Son (2020)
  79. Free Lunch Express (2020)
  80. Her Deadly Groom (2020)
  81. Top Gunner (2020)
  82. Deadly Nightshade (2021)
  83. The Elevator (2021)
  84. Just What The Doctor Ordered (2021)
  85. Killer Advice (2021)
  86. Megaboa (2021)
  87. Night Night (2021)
  88. The Poltergeist Diaries (2021)
  89. The Rebels of PT-218 (2021)
  90. Red Prophecies (2021)
  91. A Town Called Parable (2021)
  92. Bleach (2022)
  93. Dawn (2022)
  94. My Dinner With Eric (2022)
  95. 69 Parts (2022)
  96. The Rideshare Killer (2022)
  97. The Company We Keep (2023)
  98. D.C. Down (2023)
  99. Aftermath (2024)
  100. Bad Substitute (2024)
  101. Devil’s Knight (2024)
  102. Insane Like Me? (2024)
  103. Space Sharks (2024)
  104. The Wrong Life Coach (2024)
  105. Broken Church (2025)
  106. When It Rains In L.A. (2025)

October Positivity: Sarah’s Choice (dir by Chad Kapper)


You can probably just look at the title and guess what is going on with this 2009 faith-based film.

Sarah Collins (Rebecca St. James) is pregnant and she’s thinking about getting an abortion.  She doesn’t feel that she’s ready to become a mother.  Her quasi-boyfriend works in the same office that she does and, at first, he seems more interested in just hanging out with the boys than actually doing anything that would indicate he would be a good father.  Sarah is up for a promotion at work and, as her best friend (Andrea Logan White) is quick to point out, the bosses aren’t going to promote a woman who might put her family before her job.

On the other hand, Sarah keeps having visions of herself in the future, married and with a daughter who loves her.  Sarah’s sister-in-law (Staci Keanan) talks about how much she loves being a mother.  A local minister (Dick Van Patten) gently suggests that God might be trying to tell Sarah something.  Sarah realizes that her best friend is hardly an unbiased observer when it comes to Sarah’s choice.  Plus, the film takes place during the Christmas season.  There’s happiness and joy everywhere!

As you probably guessed, this is an anti-abortion movie.  That said, as far as faith-based anti-abortion movies go, it’s actually a bit more fair-minded than one might expect.  Sarah struggles with her decision and the film is at least willing to take Sarah’s concerns seriously, as opposed to just portraying her as being either selfish or immature (which is the usual path that most anti-abortion films take).  One character expresses regret for her own past abortion but, again, the film treats the character fairly.  It may not seem like much but compared to something like Allison’s Choice, which featured Jesus Christ showing up and then breaking into tears while standing in an abortion clinic, Sarah’s Choice is downright moderate in its storytelling.

The truth of the matter is that there really aren’t that many subtle films made about abortion, on either side of the debate.  Yes, pro-life films tend to be heavy-handed and too quick to villainize those who feel differently.  But the same can be said of most pro-abortion films as well.  Abortion is one of those issues that tends to bring out the extremists on both sides.  When you see a film like Sarah’s Choice — a film in which no one is accused of committing murder and no one attempts to bomb anyone else — it’s almost a relief, even if you don’t agree with the film’s overall message.

Rebecca St. James gives a sympathetic performance as Sarah and Andrea Logan White brings so much-needed nuance to the role of her best friend.  Dick Van Patten, with his friendly manner and nonjudgmental attitude, is the ideal counselor.  Sarah’s Choice is not a film that is going to win any converts and I imagine that people who are far more politically-minded than me will find a lot to get annoyed about with this movie.  I think that, overall, it’s well-acted and well-made.  It’s a movie not a manifesto.

October True Crime: Ed Kemper (dir by Chad Ferrin)


In 1964, 15 year-old Edmund Kemper murdered his grandparents.  When he was asked why he had killed the two people who basically raised him, Kemper reportedly replied, “I just wanted to see what it was like to kill grandma.”

Kemper spent the next five years imprisoned by the California Youth Authority.  He was discovered to have an IQ of 138.  The psychiatrists who examined him all commented on what a friendly and conscientious prisoner Kemper was.  Kemper never caused trouble.  He always cleaned up after himself.  He seemed to be truly happy while incarcerated.

When Kemper turned 21, he was released back into the world.  He moved in with his domineering mother, who worked as an administrative assistant at the local college.  Because it had been determined that he would probably never reoffend, his juvenile record was expunged.  Kemper went to community college.  He hung out at a local cop bar.  (He applied unsuccessfully to be a police officer.)  He got a job with Departments of Highways.  Because he stood 6’9, everyone knew him as the friendly and somewhat dorky “Big Ed.”

Edmund Kemper went on to kill eight more people, including his mother and her best friend.

Kemper turned himself into the police and confessed to his crimes.  At his trial, his lawyers unsuccessfully went with an insanity defense.  When he was convicted, Kemper requested the death penalty, just to learn that the Supreme Court had (temporarily) outlawed capitol punishment.  Kemper was sent to prison, for life.  And that’s where he is to this day.

What’s odd about Kemper is that, once he was back in prison, he again impressed everyone by being a friendly, polite, and conscientious prisoner.  Unlike most convicted murderers, Kemper admitted his crimes and was even willing to analyze the darkness that drove him to commit them.  In the early days of criminal profiling, Edmund Kemper was frequently interviewed by FBI agent Robert Ressler and his insights into his own mind are still frequently used to profile serial killers to this day.  Both Ressler and profiler John Douglas described Kemper as being a sensitive and likable man with a good sense of humor.  Thomas Harris has said that Kemper was one of the inspirations for Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Released earlier this year, Ed Kemper stick fairly closely to the facts of the case.  Brandon Kirk may not be as a tall as the real-life Kemper but he’s still convincing as a socially awkward, somewhat nerdy man who seems to be as shocked as anyone by his crimes.  The majority of the film deals with Kemper’s relationship with his mother (Susan Priver), who is portrayed as being a deranged tyrant who alternates between gently teasing Kemper and telling him that he’s destined to be miserable and alone forever.  Gava gives a convincing performance but, at times, the film almost seems as if it’s putting all the blame for Kemper’s crimes on his mother.  In the end, Kemper’s the one who killed those hitchhikers, regardless of how much his mom yelled at him beforehand.

Ed Kemper is a bit of an uneven film.  Brandon Kirk, Susan Priver, and Brinke Stevens (cast as Kemper’s mom’s best friend) all give good performances but some of the other actors are a bit less convincing in their roles.  The film deserves some credit for not shying away from the darkness of Kemper’s crimes but the pacing is also off, with some scenes dragging forever and others ending quickly.  The film’s best scene comes towards the end, when Ed Kemper is interviewed by the FBI and points out that he could kill the agent anytime that he felt like it.  It’s a tense scene that reminds us that even the likable killers are still killers.

(An earlier version of this review mistakenly listed Cassandra Gava as the actress who played Kemper’s mother.  Gava plays Kemper’s grandmother.  Susan Priver played Kemper’s mother.  I regret the error and I apologize to both actresses.)

Horror Film Review: The Old Ones (dir by Chad Ferrin)


2024’s The Old Ones opens with an animated sequence of an old sea captain being tossed into a light, an apparent sacrifice.  On the one hand, it’s properly macabre, featuring as it does a cult sacrifice.  On the other hand, it’s also kind of cute because it’s animated.  That juxtaposition between the horrific and the cute pretty much defines the entire film.

The sea captain is Russell Marsh (Robert Miano).  He eventually washes up, 95 years after he left his home on a sea voyage.  Russell is discovered by Dan (Scott Vogel) and his son, Gideon (Brandon Philip), who are camping and having some father-and-son bonding time.  Russell tells them that he was born in 1865 and that he last set sail in 1930.  Dan and Gideon point that’s not possible because it’s 2025 and Russell doesn’t appear to be a day over 65.  Russell says that he’s spent the last 95 year being possessed and controlled by the Old Ones, the cosmic beings who control the universe.  Dan is skeptical but then Dan is promptly killed by a monster who materializes out of nowhere.  Russell and Gideon go on the run, trying to avoid cultists and others who have been possessed by the Old Ones.  Russell says that, if he can find the mysterious Nylarlahotep, he may be able to travel through time and stop himself from going to sea in 1930.  Russell would never be possessed by the Old Ones and, in theory, Gideon’s father would never had died.

The Old Ones is “based on the writings of H.P. Lovecraft” and it should be noted that the film does contain references to a lot of Lovecraft’s stories.  Nylarlahotep (played here by Rico E. Anderson) is a character straight out of Lovecraft and his behavior here — menacing and enigmatic, if slightly bemused by the foolishness of humanity — very much conforms to Lovecraft’s portrayal of him.  The Old Ones will be familiar to anyone with even a passing knowledge of the Cthulhu Mythos.  That said, the film itself doesn’t always feel particularly Lovecraftian, if just because of the amount of humor that is found during Russell and Gideon’s quest.  Gideon is often in a state of shock while Russell is the one who has seen it all and faces every horror with a studied nonchalance.

(One of the film’s best moments is when Russell pragmatically suggests that Gideon should sacrifice himself since Russell is just going to reverse time anyways.)

Considering that the budget was obviously low and that the writings of H.P. Lovecraft are notoriously difficult to adapt, The Old Ones works far better than I certainly expected it to.  The story moves quickly and even the humor adds to the overall feel of the chaotic energy of the Old Ones invading human existence.  The strongest thing about the film is the performance as Robert Miano as Russell Marsh.  As played by Miano, Russell is the perfect hero for this type of story, compassionate but also pragmatic enough not to shed any tears if someone happens to die on Russell’s way to reversing time.  Even if the humor may not reflect the source material, the film still ends on a very Lovecraftian note.  One person’s happy ending is another’s nightmare.

The Eric Roberts Collection: Beyond The Trophy (dir by Daniel J. Gillin)


Does this plot sound familiar?

There’s a gang war brewing.  An undercover cop is sent into one of the gangs and ends up falling in love.  Another cop is involved in the undercover operation but he’s actually working for one of the mob bosses.  And then there’s a Russian mob boss who keeps complicating things.  The whole thing plays out with a lot of scenes of people pointing guns at each other and randomly shouting before gunfire erupts.  No one can trust.  There’s plenty of twists.  There’s narration from one of the mob bosses.  The plot is actually pretty confusing as one person after another turns out to be working for someone else.  The whole thing leads to so many betrayals that it almost become comical in its indulgence.

The Departed, you say?

No, this isn’t a Scorsese film.  Instead, this is 2012’s Beyond The Trophy, which  has a plot that borrows a lot from The Departed.  Then again, the film actually borrows a lot from every other mobster film that’s ever been made.  Most gangster films aren’t really about the activities of real-life gangsters as much as they’re about recreating the classic film scenes that the director enjoyed while growing up.  As a result, we get a few Scorsese-style freeze frames to go along with the narration.  We get plenty of Tarantino-style stand-offs.  We got the Russian mob because every film has to have the Russian mob nowadays.

We also get Michael Madsen and Eric Roberts.  Roberts plays Sgt. Bachman and his role is small.  He smiles while barking out orders and he looks after his daughter, another undercover cop named Chastity (Brooke Newton).  Roberts doesn’t get to do much and I’m not sure how many big city police departments are run by people with long hair but he’s Eric Roberts.  You can’t help but love him.  As for Madsen, he narrates in his trademark threatening whisper.  Madsen is one of those actors who was born to play tough guys so he’s credible as a mob boss, even if he doesn’t really put much effort into the film.  You can usually tell whether or not Madsen is invested in a film by whether or not he bothers to wash his hair.  For the most part, his hair look pretty oily in this film.

The majority of the film revolves around Stephen Cloud and Michael Masini as the two cops and they both give credible-enough performances.  Because the script is basically just a recreation of scenes from other mob films, neither one really gets a chance to surprise us.  The one member of the cast who actually does manage to break free and make an impression is Robert Miano, who makes his Vegas mob boss into a somewhat sympathetic figure.

File this one under standard mafia nonsense.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

  1. Star 80 (1983)
  2. Runaway Train (1985)
  3. Blood Red (1989)
  4. The Ambulance (1990)
  5. The Lost Capone (1990)
  6. Love, Cheat, & Steal (1993)
  7. Voyage (1993)
  8. Love Is A Gun (1994)
  9. Sensation (1994)
  10. Dark Angel (1996)
  11. Doctor Who (1996)
  12. Most Wanted (1997)
  13. Mercy Streets (2000)
  14. Wolves of Wall Street (2002)
  15. Mr. Brightside (2004)
  16. Six: The Mark Unleased (2004)
  17. Hey You (2006)
  18. Amazing Racer (2009)
  19. In The Blink of an Eye (2009)
  20. Enemies Among Us (2010)
  21. The Expendables (2010) 
  22. Sharktopus (2010)
  23. The Dead Want Women (2012)
  24. Deadline (2012)
  25. The Mark (2012)
  26. Miss Atomic Bomb (2012)
  27. Bonnie And Clyde: Justified (2013)
  28. Lovelace (2013)
  29. The Mark: Redemption (2013)
  30. Self-Storage (2013)
  31. A Talking Cat!?! (2013)
  32. This Is Our Time (2013)
  33. Inherent Vice (2014)
  34. Road to the Open (2014)
  35. Rumors of War (2014)
  36. Amityville Death House (2015)
  37. A Fatal Obsession (2015)
  38. Stalked By My Doctor (2015)
  39. Enemy Within (2016)
  40. Joker’s Poltergeist (2016)
  41. Prayer Never Fails (2016)
  42. Stalked By My Doctor: The Return (2016)
  43. The Wrong Roommate (2016)
  44. Dark Image (2017)
  45. Black Wake (2018)
  46. Frank and Ava (2018)
  47. Stalked By My Doctor: Patient’s Revenge (2018)
  48. Clinton Island (2019)
  49. Monster Island (2019)
  50. The Reliant (2019)
  51. The Savant (2019)
  52. Seven Deadly Sins (2019)
  53. Stalked By My Doctor: A Sleepwalker’s Nightmare (2019)
  54. The Wrong Mommy (2019)
  55. Exodus of a Prodigal Son (2020)
  56. Free Lunch Express (2020)
  57. Her Deadly Groom (2020)
  58. Top Gunner (2020)
  59. Deadly Nightshade (2021)
  60. The Elevator (2021)
  61. Just What The Doctor Ordered (2021)
  62. Killer Advice (2021)
  63. The Poltergeist Diaries (2021)
  64. The Rebels of PT-218 (2021)
  65. A Town Called Parable (2021)
  66. Bleach (2022)
  67. My Dinner With Eric (2022)
  68. Aftermath (2024)
  69. The Wrong Life Coach (2024)
  70. When It Rains In L.A. (2025)

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.3 “Cyrano/The Magician”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion, YouTube, Plex, and a host of other sites.

This week …. someone’s missing!

Episode 5.3 “Cyrano/The Magician”

(Dir by Dan Chaffey, originally aired on October 24th, 1981)

Hey, where’s Tattoo!?

Technically, Tattoo does appear in this episode but it’s only in the stock footage that appeared at the start of every episode.  Tattoo rings the bell and announces, “Da plane …. da plane!” but that’s it.  He does not meet Mr. Roarke outside of the bungalow.  He is not present to greet the guests.  He’s not present to say goodbye to the guests.  Tattoo is nowhere to be seen and, somewhat disconcertingly, no mention is made of why he’s missing.  Instead, Mr. Roarke and Julie handle the fantasies in this episode.

If I had to guess, I’d say that Herve Villechaize was having a salary dispute with the producers.  It seems obvious that Julie was brought in as a way to tell Villechaize that he was replaceable.  However, Tattoo’s absence is felt so strongly in this episode that it seems likely that all the producers did was prove Villechaize’s point about why he deserved more money.  Wendy Schaal is a likable performer but she had close to no real chemistry with Ricardo Montalban and Julie was such a blandly-written character that there was no way she could replace the enigmatic and rather cynical Tattoo.

Sad to say, one of this episode’s fantasies feels as if it would have been perfect for Tattoo’s commentary.  Marjorie Denton (Carol Lynley) is a bus driver who wants to go back to a time when men were at their most chivalrous.  She finds herself back in 17th century France, a time when men were chivalrous but woman had absolutely no rights.  At first, she is thrilled to be the subject of the attentions of both the handsome Gaston (Simon MacCorkindale) and the poetic Cyrano de Bergerac (John Saxon).  She is less thrilled to catch the eye of the Marquis de Sade (Lloyd Bochner).  It’s not a bad fantasy, though Cyrano and De Sade were not quite contemporaries.  But it’s hard not to think about how Villechaize was always at his best when dealing with wounded romanticism.  Since Cyrano himself turned out to be a guest having a fantasy, it’s hard not to regret that Tattoo was not around to encourage him.

As for the other fantasy, it’s one of those silly and kind of boring comedic fantasies that was obviously included for the kids.  (“Mommy, who is the Marquis De Sade?”)  Timothy Potter (Bart Braverman), no relation to Harry, is a bad magician who wants to be a great magician.  Mr. Roarke gives him a collection of old spell books and an assistant named Suva (Judy Landers), whom Timothy proceeds to fall in love with.  Unfortunately, Timothy doesn’t bother to study the books like Roarke told him to and he accidentally makes Suva disappear.  In the end, though, Roarke assures Timothy that he just sent her to Cleveland, which just happens to be his hometown.  There’s a chimpanzee in this fantasy and the chimp gives the most compelling performance.  The only thing that could have saved this fantasy would have been some snarky Tattoo commentary.

Is it possible to have Fantasy Island without Tattoo?  Based on this episode, the answer would be no.  Let’s hope he returns next week.

A Time To Die (1991, directed by Charles T. Kanganis)


Jackie (Traci Lords) is a single mom and a photographer who loses custody of her son when she’s framed for cocaine possession by a corrupt cop named Eddie Martin (Robert Miano).  Jackie is released from jail early, on the condition that she do 400 hours of community service.  Specifically, she is ordered to take pictures of the LAPD doing a good job and not killing people.  Captain Ralph Phibbs (Richard Roundtree) makes it very clear that she is to take only positive pictures of the LAPD or she could go back to jail and end up never seeing her son again.

However, even while doing community service, Jackie’s a rebel.  She decides to follow around Eddie and get pictures of him engaged in the same type of corruption that got her sent to prison.  Jackie manages to get Eddie on film murdering a pimp but, instead of going to the authorities, she wants to use the picture to blackmail Eddie into clearing her name.  Eddie, who has a cocaine problem, doesn’t respond well to being blackmailed and he decides to get the negatives and kill Jackie, not necessarily in that order.

While Eddie’s trying to kill Jackie, Frank (Jeff Conaway), another cop, is trying to maneuver his way into Jackie’s bed.  At first, Jackie doesn’t trust Frank because he’s a cop but then Frank takes her on a date to a domestic disturbance call and soon, she’s falling for him.  Frank, though, might not be as trustworthy as he seems.

This is one of the many direct-to-video thrillers in which Traci Lords appeared in the years immediately following her forced retirement from the adult film industry.  As was often the case with her 90s films, Lords is the best thing about A Time To Die.  In this film, Traci Lords again shows that she was a good actress.  Unfortunately, because of her past, she never got the type of roles that she really deserved.  In A Time To Die, she is believably tough and she makes the clunkiest dialogue credible.  Unfortunately, the other members of the cast don’t try anywhere near as hard as Lords does to bring some sort of reality to their stereotypical roles.  Conaway and Miano both sleepwalk through their roles while Richard Roundtree is reduced to getting mad and doing a lot of shouting.  Though the plot is sometimes predictable and it doesn’t take a psychic to know that Eddie is eventually going to go after Jackie’s son, the story is still interesting enough to hold your attention while your watching the movie.

A Time To Die is an occasionally interesting B-thriller that is elevated by the efforts of Traci Lords.

Cinemax Friday: The Last Hour (1991, directed by William Sachs)


Because Eric (William Sachs) is a wealthy stockbroker who has just stolen five million dollars from the mafia, mob boss Lombardi (Bobby Di Cicco) sends a group of his enforcers to get both Eric and the moeny.  However, when they arrive at Eric’s home, they discover that he’s not there but his wife, Susan (Shannon Tweed), is!  After they kidnap Susan, they take her to an abandoned skyscraper and they wait for Eric to show up with the money.  However, Susan’s ex-husband, Jeff (Michael Pare), is a tough cop who is not going to let anyone get away with holding his ex-wife hostage.  After reluctantly teaming up with Eric, Jeff infiltrates the skyscraper and takes on the kidnappers, one-by-one.

What do we have with this movie?  We’ve got an abandoned skyscraper.  We’ve got a group of flamboyant hostage takers.  We’ve got a beautiful woman being held prisoner.  We’ve got a hero who is a tough cop and who loses his shirt early in the movie.  You probably think this is a Die Hard rip-off but consider this!  In Die Hard, the main bad guy was a European terrorist.  In The Last Hour, he’s an American mafioso.  Otherwise, this is totally a Die Hard rip-off.  It’s Die Hard with a much lower budget and with a wooden Michael Pare serving as an unconvincing stand-in for Bruce Willis.

However, The Last Hour does have two things that Die Hard could have used.  First off, it’s got Danny Trejo as one of the hostage takers.  Any movie with Danny Trejo is going to automatically be cooler than any movie without Danny Trejo.  Of course, this movie asks us to pretend that Michael Pare vs Danny Trejo would be a fair fight but we all know that, in the real world, Danny would totally win that battle.  The other thing that this movie has that Die Hard doesn’t is Shannon Tweed.  Shannon doesn’t get to do a lot.  If you want to see a Die Hard rip-off where Shannon really gets to show what she can do, watch No Contest.  Still, just as with Danny Trejo, any film with Shannon Tweed is automatically better than any film without her.

The Last Hour is no Die Hard, no matter how much it tries.  But if brings together Danny Trejo and Shannon Tweed and for that, late night Cinemax viewers everywhere give thanks.

Ministry of Vengeance (1989, directed by Peter Maris)


David Miller (John Schneider) is a former soldier who served in the Vietnam War.  Though David managed to survive the war, the majority of his platoon did not and he is still haunted by the day when he was forced to blow up a kid who was working for the VC.  After getting out of the army, David renounces violence and war and he becomes an Episcopal priest.  (His denomination is never really made clear but he wears a collar and he’s got a family so I assume he’s Episcopal.)  He marries Gail (Meg Register) and they have a daughter named Kim (Joey Peters).  Eventually, the Millers find themselves in Rome, where David works with a kindly minister named Hughes (George Kennedy) and preaches the word of the God and the gospel of nonviolence.

Unfortunately, the Millers just happen to be in an airport when it’s attacked by a group of terrorists led by Ali Aboud (Robert Miano).  As David watches, Aboud personally executes his wife and daughter.  Though David survives the attack because Aboud says, “Leave the priest alive!,” his faith is shaken and he goes from renouncing violence to renouncing peace.  After the local CIA agent (Yaphet Kott) refuses to tell David the name or the location of the terrorist who killed his family, David just happens to open up a magazine and finds himself staring at a picture of Ali Aboud.  Ministry of Vengeance may claim to be about faith but it’s mostly about coincidence.

After David discovers that Aboud is in Lebanon, he decides it’s time for him to fly over and dispense some “eye for an eye” justice.  First, David has to get trained by his old drill instructor (James Tolkan).  Once he’s back in fighting shape, David heads off to Lebanon, little aware that Aboud is actually a CIA informant and that the agency is prepared to kill to protect its assets.

Ministry of Vengeance is one of those direct-to-video films where the majority of the budget was spent on getting a handful of “name” actors to make a brief appearance and give the entire production the feel of being a legitimate movie.  So, along with George Kennedy and Yaphet Kotto, Ned Beatty shows up as a quirky minister in Lebanon while Prince’s former protegee, Apollonia Kotero, plays Beatty’s daughter.  None of them get to do as much as you might like.  It’s always good to see Kotto, even if he’s appearing in a bad film, but his role here is mostly just a glorified cameo.  Most of the film is about John Schneider, trying to balance his faith with his desire for vengeance.  That’s a potentially interesting angle to bring to the story but the movie’s handling of the issue is shallow.  David has doubts about his mission but only when it’s convenient for the film’s narrative.

There are a few good action scenes.  James Tolkan is a blast in the R. Lee Ermey roll of the hardass drill sergeant.  Otherwise, Ministry of Vengeance is as forgettable as a guest sermon.

Insomnia File #35: Donnie Brasco (dir by Mike Newell)


What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!

Last night, if you happened to be awake at 2:30 in the morning, you could have turned over to Starz and watched the 1997 film, Donnie Brasco.

Benjamin “Lefty” Ruggiero (Al Pacino) has spent his entire life as a loyal Mafia soldier.  It’s the only life that he knows and he can tell you some stories.  He remembers the early days, back when men like Lucky Luciano, Frank Costello, and Meyer Lansky were in charge of things.  Lefty is proud to say that, over the years, he’s successfully carried out over 20 hits.  Lefty is lucky enough to be an associate of an up-and-comer nicknamed Sonny Black (Michael Madsen).  While Sonny was in prison, Lefty kept an eye on Sonny’s family.  Lefty feels that Sonny owes him.  Whether Sonny feels the same way isn’t always quite clear.

Lefty’s problem is that everyone loves him but few people respect him.  The aging Lefty is viewed as being a relic and, at most, they merely tolerate his constant bragging.  Lefty may fantasize about the big bosses knowing who he is but, when he tries to greet one of them at a party, it becomes clear that he doesn’t have the slightest idea who Lefty is.  Lefty spends his time worrying that he’s dying and dreaming of one last opportunity to make a name for himself.

In fact, perhaps the only really good thing that Lefty has going for him is his friendship with Donnie Brasco (Johnny Depp).  Donnie is a jewel thief, a tough and volatile orphan who Lefty introduces to Sonny.  Sonny is immediately impressed with Donnie.  In fact, Sonny thinks so highly of Donnie that he assigns Donnie to look over his operations in Florida.  Lefty can only watch as his protegé’s star starts to eclipse his own.  But that’s not necessarily a bad thing.  As Lefty explains it, Donnie’s success is also Lefty’s success because Lefty is the one who brought Donnie into the crew.  Of course, if Donnie ever fails, the failure will be on Lefty as well.

As for Donnie … well, his name isn’t actually Donnie.  His real name is Joe Pistone and he’s a FBI agent.  When he first agreed to work undercover, he was told that the assignment would only last for a few months.  Instead, the months turn into years and, piece by piece, Joe vanishes as he transforms into Donnie.  The formerly soft-spoken college graduate is soon beating up waiters and chopping up bodies in basements.  His wife (Anne Heche) fears that her husband may no longer exist.  “I  am not becoming like them,” Joe/Donnie says at one point, “I am them.”

Donnie Brasco is hardly the first film to examine life in the Mafia.  It’s not even the first movie about an undercover FBI agent who manages to worm his way into the mob’s hierarchy.  What sets Donnie Brasco apart are the performances of Pacino, Depp, Heche, Madsen, and, as a talkative mob associate, Bruno Kirby.  As played by Pacino, Lefty may be a hardened killer but he’s also just a working class guy who wishes that his boss would just show him a little appreciation.  Lefty may be capable of casually shooting a guy in the back of the head but, at the same time, there’s something heartbreakingly sad about the sight of him tearing up a greeting card that he hoped to personally deliver to the big boss.  As for Johnny Depp, he gives a surprisingly restrained performance, rarely raising his voice except when he’s yelling at his family.  Donnie may appear outwardly calm but the stress of losing his identity is always present in his eyes.

Interestingly, for a mob movie, there’s little violence to be found in Donnie Brasco.  It’s not until 90 minutes in that we get the expected scene of rival mobsters getting ambushed and gunned down.  Donnie Brasco isn’t about violence.  Instead, the film’s heart is to be found in the  story of Lefty and Donnie’s odd friendship.  Instead of being about who is going to kill who, this film is about Lefty’s desire to be something more than he is and Joe’s struggle to remember who he used to be before he became Donnie.  It’s a touching and effective gangster film and one to keep an eye out for.

Previous Insomnia Files:

  1. Story of Mankind
  2. Stag
  3. Love Is A Gun
  4. Nina Takes A Lover
  5. Black Ice
  6. Frogs For Snakes
  7. Fair Game
  8. From The Hip
  9. Born Killers
  10. Eye For An Eye
  11. Summer Catch
  12. Beyond the Law
  13. Spring Broke
  14. Promise
  15. George Wallace
  16. Kill The Messenger
  17. The Suburbans
  18. Only The Strong
  19. Great Expectations
  20. Casual Sex?
  21. Truth
  22. Insomina
  23. Death Do Us Part
  24. A Star is Born
  25. The Winning Season
  26. Rabbit Run
  27. Remember My Name
  28. The Arrangement
  29. Day of the Animals
  30. Still of The Night
  31. Arsenal
  32. Smooth Talk
  33. The Comedian
  34. The Minus Man