The TSL Grindhouse: Exterminator 2 (dir by Mark Buntzman)


Four years after the end of the first Exterminator, the man they drove too far is driven too far again….

As you may remember, the first Exterminator ended with the CIA shooting vigilante John Eastland (Robert Ginty) because Eastland’s anti-crime activities were somehow making the President look bad.  The wounded Eastland fell into the Hudson River.  “Washington will be pleased,” the CIA agent said to the gunman.  However, the film’s final shot revealed that Eastland had survived his plunge.

1984’s Exterminator 2 opens with Eastland returning to New York City.  He’s got a small apartment and a police scanner and when he hears a report that an elderly couple is being menaced by a group of thugs, he puts on a welding mask and uses his flame thrower to set the criminals on fire.  Of course, he doesn’t actually arrive in time to save the old couple from getting shot and killed.  Just because Eastland has decided to become a vigilante, that doesn’t mean that he’s particularly good at it.

The first Exterminator was a grim and gritty thriller that took itself very seriously.  In fact, one could argue that it took itself a bit too seriously.  Exterminator 2, which was produced by Cannon Films, takes a slightly different approach.  This is obvious as soon as Mario Van Peebles shows up as X, a cult leader who is looking to take over the New York drug trade.  Van Peebles, with his model good looks and his quick smile, is not exactly the most intimidating of villains.  And X is not exactly the most brilliant of bad guys.  For one thing, he drives a car with a big red X spray painted on one of the doors, which doesn’t seem to be the smartest thing to do when you have both the police and crazed vigilante hunting for you.

Fortunately, for X, John Eastland is easily distracted.  After he sets a few people on fire, he seems to lose interest in actually being a vigilante and instead, a large portion of the film is taken up with him getting a job collecting garbage with his friend, Be Gee (Frankie Fasion).  (Much like the previous film’s Michael Jefferson, Be Gree served with Eastland in Nam.)  Eastland also meets and falls in love with a dancer named Caroline (Deborah Geffner).  Unfortunately, a trip to Central Park leads to Caroline getting attacked by a bunch of X’s followers.  With Caroline in a wheelchair, Eastland has little choice but to pick up his flame thrower and transform his garbage truck into a tank of destruction….

Exterminator 2‘s production was a troubled one.  Director Mark Buntzman was one of the producers of the first Exterminator and apparently, Cannon disliked his first cut of Exterminator 2.  Director William Sachs (who was Cannon’s resident “film doctor”) was brought in to do extensive reshoots in Los Angeles.  Unfortunately, by the time Sachs was brought in, Robert Ginty had already moved on to another project and Sachs was forced to use his stunt double for any scenes involving Eastland.  (This is one reason why Eastland spends much of the film wearing a welder’s mask.)  Also because of Ginty’s absence, Sachs ended up adding a lot of scenes that focused on Van Peebles’s performance as X, with the end result being that the film often seems to be more about X and his gang than it is about Eastland and his hunt for revenge.  (Unfortunately, this also led to a lot of unresolved subplots, including one in which X orders one of his roller skating henchman to kidnap a woman off the street so she can be used to test a new batch of heroin.)  Many of the scenes featuring Ginty have a totally different feel to them from the scenes featuring Van Peebles and Ginty’s stunt double.

The end result is a film that really doesn’t have any sort of narrative momentum.  One is never really sure what either X or Eastland is hoping to accomplish.  Instead, they just kind of wander around until they have their final confrontation.  Along the way, there’s a few poorly edited fights but there’s also a lot of scenes that are just included to serve as filler.  As I already mentioned, Van Peebles is not a particularly menacing villain but Ginty also isn’t a particularly compelling hero.  Ginty’s goofy screen presence was nicely subverted by the grime and grit of the first Exterminator but, in the second film, he just comes across as being petulant and even a bit whiny.

The first Exterminator famously ended with the lines, “Washington will be pleased.”  I don’t think anyone would particularly be pleased with Exterminator 2.  As a final note, I will admit that I was so bored with this film that, when I watched it, I barely noticed when it ended and Tubi segued into showing a film called Executioner 2.  That pretty much sums up the entire Exterminator 2 experience.

The TSL’s Grindhouse: The Incredible Melting Man (dir by William Sachs)


What goes up must come down
What goes ’round must come ’round
What’s been lost must be found

As the song says, what goes up must go down.  The 1977 film, The Incredible Melting Man, is about a man who went up and then came back down and …. AGCK!  What a mess!

The Incredible Melting Man opens with the launch of the first manned spaceflight to Saturn.  That’s right, Saturn.  The film takes place in the 70s, when mankind was still lucky to just be able to make it to the Moon and back.  But somehow, this rocket and its three passengers are going to fly all the way to Saturn, land, and then return to Earth.  And speaking of landing, how exactly do you land on a planet that doesn’t have a solid surface?  And, even more importantly, why do all of the shots of Saturn look like the sun?  How come there aren’t any rings?  WHAT IS GOING ON!?  Could it be that the rocket went off track and went to the sun instead?  It’s possible, I suppose.  Mistakes cannot be avoided, much like a spinning wheel turning around.

Anyway, the rocket eventually returns from Saturn or the sun or wherever it went.  Unfortunately, most of the crew is dead.  The only survivor is Steve West (played by Alex Rebar).  Apparently, West was so physically strong that he was able to survive whatever killed the other astronauts.  Unfortunately, West was still infected with Saturn microbes and now he’s slowly melting.  Steve doesn’t react well to that news so he escapes from the hospital and goes on a poorly-defined rampage.  He kills a nurse.  He rips the head off a fisherman.  He kills two old people who were trying to steal oranges.  Steve loses an eye.  His arm falls off.  He leaves behind a trail a radioactive goo.  Apparently, Steve has to consume human flesh to slow down the melting process but make no mistake, there’s no way he’s not going to end a puddle of goo.

Steve’s friend, Dr. Ted Nelson (Burr DeBenning), decides to try to track down Steve so that he can get Steve to stop eating people and just melt away in peace.  Ted can’t even tell the local authorities what he’s doing because that information is classified and Ted’s boss is like a total jerk.  Ted does tell his wife, Judy (Anne Sweeny).  Judy and Ted then get into an argument because Judy forgot to buy crackers the last time she went to the grocery store.  Some may scoff that the lengthy and not very relevant cracker discussion was included just to pad this film’s running time but I think it adds a level of reality to the proceedings.  People like crackers, even when they’re looking for a friend who is melting.

Anyway, The Incredible Melting Man is a weird little movie but I always kind of enjoy it.  As played by Burr DeBenning, Dr. Ted Nelson is one of the least likable heroes to ever show up in a movie.  He always seems to be annoyed about everything.  Even when Steve West is killing people, Ted mostly just seems to be annoyed by the fact that he’s having to go outside to deal with it.  Fortunately, Ted’s unlikability makes it fun to watch as absolutely nothing goes right for him over the course of the film.  Ted is beyond surly and Steve is beyond melty.  As bad as most of the dialogue and the acting may be, the melting man makeup is actually really effective and Alex Rebar does about as good a job as anyone cast as a melting man could.  Let’s give this one two and a half star and wonder how many people in 1977 saw it on a double bill with Saturday Night Fever.

Horror on the Lens: The Incredible Melting Man (dir by William Sachs)


Today’s horror on the lens is a science fiction/horror film from 1977!

In The Incredible Melting Man, the first manned spaceflight to Saturn does not go well.  Three astronauts went up but only one came down.  And that one astronaut is both kinda crazy and melting!  Seriously, it’s a big mess.

Apparently, one of the victims of the incredible melting man is played by director Jonathan Demme.  See if you can spot him!  It’ll be fun.

Enjoy!

Cinemax Friday: The Last Hour (1991, directed by William Sachs)


Because Eric (William Sachs) is a wealthy stockbroker who has just stolen five million dollars from the mafia, mob boss Lombardi (Bobby Di Cicco) sends a group of his enforcers to get both Eric and the moeny.  However, when they arrive at Eric’s home, they discover that he’s not there but his wife, Susan (Shannon Tweed), is!  After they kidnap Susan, they take her to an abandoned skyscraper and they wait for Eric to show up with the money.  However, Susan’s ex-husband, Jeff (Michael Pare), is a tough cop who is not going to let anyone get away with holding his ex-wife hostage.  After reluctantly teaming up with Eric, Jeff infiltrates the skyscraper and takes on the kidnappers, one-by-one.

What do we have with this movie?  We’ve got an abandoned skyscraper.  We’ve got a group of flamboyant hostage takers.  We’ve got a beautiful woman being held prisoner.  We’ve got a hero who is a tough cop and who loses his shirt early in the movie.  You probably think this is a Die Hard rip-off but consider this!  In Die Hard, the main bad guy was a European terrorist.  In The Last Hour, he’s an American mafioso.  Otherwise, this is totally a Die Hard rip-off.  It’s Die Hard with a much lower budget and with a wooden Michael Pare serving as an unconvincing stand-in for Bruce Willis.

However, The Last Hour does have two things that Die Hard could have used.  First off, it’s got Danny Trejo as one of the hostage takers.  Any movie with Danny Trejo is going to automatically be cooler than any movie without Danny Trejo.  Of course, this movie asks us to pretend that Michael Pare vs Danny Trejo would be a fair fight but we all know that, in the real world, Danny would totally win that battle.  The other thing that this movie has that Die Hard doesn’t is Shannon Tweed.  Shannon doesn’t get to do a lot.  If you want to see a Die Hard rip-off where Shannon really gets to show what she can do, watch No Contest.  Still, just as with Danny Trejo, any film with Shannon Tweed is automatically better than any film without her.

The Last Hour is no Die Hard, no matter how much it tries.  But if brings together Danny Trejo and Shannon Tweed and for that, late night Cinemax viewers everywhere give thanks.

Horror on the Lens: The Incredible Melting Man (dir by William Sachs)


Today’s horror on the lens is a science fiction/horror film from 1977!

In The Incredible Melting Man, the first manned spaceflight to Saturn does not go well.  Three astronauts went up but only one came down.  And that one astronaut is both kinda crazy and melting!  Seriously, it’s a big mess.

Apparently, one of the victims of the incredible melting man is played by director Jonathan Demme.  See if you can spot him!  It’ll be fun.

(I’m not really sure what Jonathan Demme looks like so you’ll probably have better luck with it than me.)

Enjoy!