Horror Film Review: Alligator (dir by Lewis Teague)


1980’s Alligator begins in 1968.  While on vacation in Florida, a teenage girl named Marisa Kendall purchases a baby alligator named Ramon.  When she returns home to Chicago, her jerk of a father flushes Ramon down the toilet.

12 years pass.  Marisa (Robin Riker) becomes a herpetologist.  As for Ramon, he actually survives being flushed down the toilet and thrives in the sewer.  He eats the carcasses of animals that had been a part of an experiment involving a growth serum.  The serum had the desired effect of making the animals bigger but it also increased their metabolism to the extent that they became aggressive and had to eat constantly.  Evil industrialist Slade (Dean Jagger) is convinced that, by tossing the carcasses in the sewer, he’s ensured that no one will ever find out about the experiments.  Instead, he’s turned Ramon into a giant alligator who is always hungry.  Soon, the super-intelligent alligator is ambushing and eating sewer workers.

Burned-out Detective Dave Madison (Robert Forster) teams up with Marisa to solve the mystery of why so many body parts are turning up in the sewers.  It’s not easy.  No one wants to admit that there might be a giant alligator living under the city.  Everyone wants to believe that’s just an urban legend.  But, after a tabloid reporter (Bart Braverman) manages to snap a few photographs of Ramon before being devoured, the police are forced to deal with the fact that they’ve got an alligator on their hands.  As Slade continues to try to cover up his involvement, big game hunter Colonel Brock (Henry Silva) comes to town and announces that he will be capturing the alligator.

Directed by Lewis Teague and written by John Sayles, Alligator is a dark comedy disguised as a horror film.  While numerous people get eaten and the film ends on a properly ominous note, Alligator is obviously not meant to be taken seriously.  The cast is full of good actors who send up their own images.  That’s especially true in the case of Henry Silva, who appears to be having a blast as the hyper macho Colonel Brock.  Robert Forster, meanwhile, delivers his lines with a self-aware weariness that seems a bit more appropriate for a noir hero than a film about a detective investigating a giant alligator.  One reason why the film works is because Forster, Silva, and the rest of the cast understood exactly what type of film they were appearing in and they delivered their overheated lines with just enough wit to let the viewer know that the film was in on the joke.  The big and somewhat stiff-looking alligator may not look entirely real and it may move somewhat awkwardly but ultimately, it’s the most likable character in the movie.  It just wants to relax in the sewers but, every few minutes, someone else is bugging him.

When first released, Alligator struggled at the box office but it has since gone on to become a cult favorite.  Quentin Tarantino is a self-described fan and he had said he was inspired to cast Robert Forster as Max Cherry in Jackie Brown after seeing him as Dave Madison in this film.  That’s not bad for a movie about a giant alligator!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.17 “E.M.T.”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch and Baker go to school!

Episode 3.17 “E.M.T.”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on January 19th, 1980)

Thinking that it will be an easy class and a chance to meet female college students, Ponch convinces Baker to attend a special EMT course at UCLA.  Ponch also thinks that they’ll get paid overtime for taking the class but it turns out that he didn’t read the fine print.  No one gets paid for going to the class.  Oh well.  At least he and Baker will get a chance to relax, right?  Nope!  The instructor, Michael Adams (played by veteran screen bad guy William Smith), is someone who Ponch and Baker earlier stopped for a minor traffic violation.  He takes an immediate dislike to Ponch and Baker and basically spends the entire class accusing them of just wanting to show off.  And, considering everything that we know about Ponch, he’s probably right.

Michael Adams is bitter because his son, Warren (Pat Petersen), was in an accident and, due to the cops not knowing how to handle someone with a spinal injury, Warren now has to use crutches to get around.  Michael is so bitter that he almost seems to be embarrassed by his son’s disability.  Boo, Michael, boo!  Seriously, what an unlikable creep.  And yet, I get the feeling that we’re supposed to understand and respect Michael, even if he is a jerk.  Part of the problem is that William Smith was one of those actors who always came across as being naturally sinister.  Smith played a lot of bikers and corrupt cops over the course of his career.  He was someone who just looked menacing and perpetually annoyed.  In this episode, I kept expecting him to try to kill Baker and Ponch.  Don’t get me wrong.  William Smith was a good actor but, in this episode, he just seems miscast.

Ponch and Baker do put their training to good use, especially when a makeshift cave collapses on two boys who were using it as a hideout.  Ponch and Baker also use their skills to save a man who fell out of a truck.  In one of those weird coincidences on which CHiPs thrived, Ponch and Baker just happened to be hang gliding nearby when the accident with the truck happened.  Oh, Jon and Ponch!  Don’t ever let anyone say that you guys spend way too much time together.

(Seriously, does Baker have no friends outside of the police force?  At least Ponch seems to know his neighbors.)

Eventually, Ponch and Baker win Michael over, especially when Michael himself needs to be rescued.  Later, they visit Michael in the hospital and everyone has a good laugh as the end credits roll.  Good for them!  As for this episode, I actually liked getting to see Ponch and Baker doing something other than riding their motorcycles on the highway.  To me, this show’s main worth is as a time capsule and this episode allowed us all to see what UCLA was like back in 1980.  It was pretty nice!

Insomnia File #64: Once Upon A Midnight Scary (dir by Nell Cox)


What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable or streaming? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!

If you were having trouble getting to sleep last night, you could have gone over to YouTube and watched 1978’s Once Upon A Midnight Scary.

Made for CBS and featuring Vincent Price as the sardonic, cape-wearing host, Once Upon A Midnight Scary was a special designed to encourage young viewers to pick up a book and read.  Price introduced three different stories, each centering around ghosts and each based on a book.  In the first story, based on the book The Ghost Belonged To Me, a young farmboy discovers a ghost hiding in a barn and becomes a hero when the ghost warns him about an impending disaster.  The second story is an adaptation of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow and it features Rene Auberjonois as a rather neurotic Ichabod Crane, who finds himself being pursued by the headless horsemen.  The third and longest story is an adaptation of The House With A Clock In Its Walls, featuring Severn Darden and a rather annoying child actor.

One thing you immediately notice about this show is that the special doesn’t actually reveal how any of the stories end.  Instead, each story is basically a recreation of the most exciting or interesting parts of the larger story but, whenever it appears that we’re heading for a conclusion, Vincent Price suddenly appears and says, “What happened next, you ask?  Read the book!”  This special basically casts Vincent Price as the world’s most devilish book salesman and while that might be annoying if you’re watching the special because you want to see how the stories turn out, it’s a lot of fun if you’re just watching the show to watch Vincent Price act like Vincent Price.  Vincent is not in the special as much as you might want but he still shows off his unique charm.  It’s impossible to be in a bad mood while watching Vincent Price.

Previous Insomnia Files:

  1. Story of Mankind
  2. Stag
  3. Love Is A Gun
  4. Nina Takes A Lover
  5. Black Ice
  6. Frogs For Snakes
  7. Fair Game
  8. From The Hip
  9. Born Killers
  10. Eye For An Eye
  11. Summer Catch
  12. Beyond the Law
  13. Spring Broke
  14. Promise
  15. George Wallace
  16. Kill The Messenger
  17. The Suburbans
  18. Only The Strong
  19. Great Expectations
  20. Casual Sex?
  21. Truth
  22. Insomina
  23. Death Do Us Part
  24. A Star is Born
  25. The Winning Season
  26. Rabbit Run
  27. Remember My Name
  28. The Arrangement
  29. Day of the Animals
  30. Still of The Night
  31. Arsenal
  32. Smooth Talk
  33. The Comedian
  34. The Minus Man
  35. Donnie Brasco
  36. Punchline
  37. Evita
  38. Six: The Mark Unleashed
  39. Disclosure
  40. The Spanish Prisoner
  41. Elektra
  42. Revenge
  43. Legend
  44. Cat Run
  45. The Pyramid
  46. Enter the Ninja
  47. Downhill
  48. Malice
  49. Mystery Date
  50. Zola
  51. Ira & Abby
  52. The Next Karate Kid
  53. A Nightmare on Drug Street
  54. Jud
  55. FTA
  56. Exterminators of the Year 3000
  57. Boris Karloff: The Man Behind The Monster
  58. The Haunting of Helen Walker
  59. True Spirit
  60. Project Kill
  61. Replica
  62. Rollergator
  63. Hillbillys In A Haunted House