Jason Marsden – Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001. The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, Hobie and Summer learn an important lesson about hanging out with the wrong people.

Episode 3.5 “Pier Pressure”

(Dir by Gus Trikonis, originally aired on October 12th, 1992)

This week’s episode is called — wait for it — “Pier Pressure.” Ha! Get it?!

Both Hobie and Summer find themselves dealing with peer pressure on the beach. Summer meets two popular girls from Malibu Beach High, where she’ll soon be taking classes. Courtney Brimmer (Elizabeth Berkley) is rich and spoiled and probably addicted to pep pills. When Summer catches Courtney and her friend drinking on the beach, Summer tells them to stay out of the water. Technically, she could have had them arrested for underage drinking, but that would have made high school a little rough. Anyway, Courtney ignores Summer and nearly drowns. Summer saves Courtney’s life and tells Mitch that Courtney was drinking. Courtney accuses Summer of being a liar. Courtney brings up the fact that, earlier in the episode, Summer thought she had a date with Slade, but it turned out Slade just invited her to his surfing competition so she could see him compete. Slade pops up and says that Courtney was drinking and that he did have a date with Summer but “I blew it.” Courtney is humiliated, and I’m sure she will not take her anger out on Summer once school begins. Should high school students be working as lifeguards? Probably not.

Meanwhile, Hobie witnesses a fight between Tony Valentino (Jason Marsden) and Andy Van Pelt (Mike Simmrin), two slightly older kids. Unfortunately, Hobie doesn’t see who actually started the fight. Also, the fight took place outside the liquor store that Mitch specifically told him to stay away from. Both Tony and Andy pressure Hobie to tell the police that the other boy started the fight. This is yet another episode that features Hobie running for his life. Hobie is barely 12 and I’ve lost track of the number of times he’s nearly gotten killed on this show. He’s got to be the most traumatized kid ever.

This episode felt like it was made for the kids, in that it had a pretty simple message about not giving in to peer pressure, and Pamela Anderson, Alexandra Paul, and David Charvet were nowhere to be seen. The episode itself felt a bit off, but Saved By The Bell fans will be excited — so excited! — to see Elizabeth Berkley playing a bitchy mean girl. Courtney thought she was going to get Jimmy Slade to lie for her, but that’s not the Jimmy Slade way.

Next week: Summer starts high school with Matt Brody.

The 1997 film Trojan War may be a bit obscure (and, in fact, I had never heard of it until I came across it On Demand two weeks ago) but it has earned a place in the Hollywood record books as one of the biggest box office bombs of all time. Made on a $15,000,000 budget, Trojan War was released into one theater, played for one week, and made a total of $309.

But, as far as simple-minded teen sex comedies, are concerned, it’s not that bad.

Brad Kimble (Will Friedle) is a nice but dorky high school student who, for years, has had a crush on an unattainable cheerleader, Brooke (Marley Shelton). When Brad is invited over to Brooke’s house to tutor her in biology, he arrives just after Brooke has had a fight with her jock boyfriend, Kyle (Eric Balfour sans facial hair). Soon, Brooke and Brad are making out. Brooke asks Brad if he has a condom. Of course, if Brad did have a condom, there wouldn’t be a movie. The rest of the movie deals with Brad’s attempt to not only find a condom in California and but to also get back to Brooke.

(Apparently, in the 1990s, there was some sort of sudden condom shortage in California. That’s all that I can guess after having seen Trojan War.)

Of course, that’s not as easy as it sounds. Brad’s car (actually, it’s his dad’s car) gets stolen. Brad ends up having a run in with a crazy homeless man (David Patrick Kelly) who — in a rather obvious shout out to Better Off Dead — wants two dollars. Brad gets chased by a crazy dog. Brad has to deal with a cameo appearance by a crazy Kathy Griffin. Brad runs into a crazy bus driver (played by Anthony Michael Hall). Brad ends up being pursued by a crazy police officer (Lee Majors). And since the film itself is a bit of an unacknowledged remake of Some Kind of Wonderful, Brad is also pursued by his not crazy best friend, Leah (Jennifer Love Hewitt, who I’ve always liked because we’re both Texas girls and I share her struggle). Leah is in love with Brad and Brad is in love with Leah. He’s just not smart enough to realize it.

And indeed, that’s the key to understanding the plot of Trojan War. Brad is just not that smart. This is one of those films where the great majority of Brad’s problems could have been avoided if Brad just wasn’t a moron. Fortunately, Brad is played by Will Friedle who was always the best part of Boy Meets World and who displays the unique ability to make stupidity cute. Friedle is so likable as Brad that you’re willing to forgive the film for a lot.

That doesn’t mean that Trojan War is necessarily a good movie. It’s likable but it’s never really good. For every joke that works, there’s one that doesn’t. I could have really done without the extended sequence where Brad gets lost over on the bad side of town and the movie suddenly trots out every negative Latino stereotype imaginable. But, when the movie just concentrates on Will Friedle and Jennifer Love Hewitt, it’s likable enough to waste 90 minutes on.

If nothing else, it’s certainly more entertaining than most movies that made less than 400 dollars at the box office.