Cleaning Out The DVR: Psycho Wedding Crasher (dir by David Langlois)

Posted on January 4, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Hi there! So, as you may know because I’ve been talking about it on this site all year, I have got way too much stuff on my DVR. Seriously, I currently have 183 things recorded! I’ve decided that, on January 15th, I am going to erase everything on the DVR, regardless of whether I’ve watched it or not. So, that means that I’ve now have only have a month to clean out the DVR! Will I make it? Keep checking this site to find out! I recorded Psycho Wedding Crasher off of Lifetime on September 3rd, 2017!)

There were three “psycho” movies on Lifetime this year. I’ve already watched and reviewed Psycho In-Law and Psycho Brother-in-Law, two films that I liked quite a bit. But as insane as the psychos were in those films, neither of them can hold a candle to Jenna (Heather Morris), the title character in Psycho Wedding Crasher.

“Oh my God! She did not just do that!” That’s something that I shouted so many times, while watching Psycho Wedding Crasher, that I eventually lost track of the number of times Jenna’s behavior shocked me.

The first time I shouted it was when Jenna, while attending a party, searched her host’s bedroom and not only stole a pair of panties but actually put them on before leaving. I shouted it again when Jenna started physically beating herself up in her car so that she could accuse Scott (Robert Salvador) of assaulting her. This was followed by Jenna making use of a stranger’s bed, hiding in a closet so she could watch Glenn (Jason Cermak) take a shower, strangling someone with measuring tape, having an imaginary wedding, and of course engaging in a lot of knife action. By the time the movie was over, I was nearly hoarse from yelling at the TV.

The title is correct. Jenna is both psycho and a wedding crasher. That said, she has her reasons. For one thing, her parents are dead and she’s been raised by an abusive aunt (Joan Van Ark) who constantly tells Jenna that she’s neither smart nor pretty enough to ever find a man. Jenna spends day after day sewing wedding dresses but when will she find love? She spends all of her time haunting wedding receptions, hoping to meet the man of her dreams. One gets the feeling that she’s had many dreams.

Jenna knows that Glenn is the man for her but there’s only one problem. Glenn is married to Marci (Fiona Vroom). Whatever can Jenna do to take care of this situation? How about becoming Marci’s friend and then conspiring to try to break up her marriage? Sure, why not?

Jenna is totally crazy but it’s impossible not to feel sorry for her. Her aunt is just so cruel to her and no one else in the film seems to realize just how lucky they are to be happy and in love. It helps that Heather Morris gives such a lively performance in the lead role. While everyone else in the film tends to be a bit bland, Morris turns Jenna into a force of nature. Eventually, of course, you do lose sympathy for her. She just kills or tries to kill too many people. That said, she is always entertaining to watch, even though I certainly wouldn’t want her at my wedding.

Lisa’s Way Too Early Oscar Predictions for January!

Posted on January 4, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

How early can one predict the Oscars?

Well, it depends on how you look at it. You can predict the Oscars at any time during the year. However, predicting them correctly is next to impossible before October. That said, I’m going to give it a shot!

Now, to be clear, this is not an attempt to predict who and what will be nominated later this month. Instead, these are my predictions for what will be nominated next year at this time! I’ll be updating my predictions every month of this year.

So, with all that in mind, here are my way too early predictions for what will be nominated in January of 2019! As of right now, these predictions are a collection of instinct and random guesses. For all we know, some of these films might not even get released in 2018. In all probability, we’ll look back at this list in December and laugh.

Best Picture

Chappaquiddick

First Man

Lizzie

Mary Queen of Scots

The Miseducation of Cameron Post

Mortal Engines

A Star is Born

Widows

Wildfire

The Women of Marwen

Best Director

Desiree Akhavon for The Miseducation of Cameron Post

Damien Chazelle for First Man

Paul Dano for Wildfire

Steve McQueen for Widows

Robert Zemeckis for The Women of Marwen

Best Actor

Steve Carell in The Women of Marwen

Jason Clarke in Chappaquiddick

Ryan Gosling in First Man

Jake Gyllenhaal in Wildfire

Joaquin Phoenx in Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far On Foot

Best Actress

Viola Davis in Widows

Chloe Grace Moretz in The Miseducation of Cameron Post

Carey Mulligan in Wildfire

Saoirse Ronan in Mary Queen of Scots

Chloe Sevigny in Lizzie

Best Supporting Actor

Jeff Daniels in The Catcher Was A Spy

Bruce Dern in Chappaquiddick

Sam Elliott in A Star is Born

Robert Duvall in Widows

Hugo Weaving in Mortal Engines

Best Supporting Actress

Elizabeth Debicki in Widows

Claire Foy in First Man

Leslie Mann in The Women of Marwen

Kate Mara in Chappaquiddick

Kristen Stewart in Lizzie

A Blast From the Oscar Past: 12 Years A Slave Wins Best Picture

Posted on January 4, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

165 years ago today, a slave named Solomon Northup received his freedom.

Solomon hadn’t been born a slave. He was born a freedman in Rhode Island and settled, with his family, in New York. He was a man of many trades, though probably best known as a fiddler. He was 32 when, in 1841, he was kidnapped by two men who, claiming he was a fugitive slave that had been recaptured, sold him into slavery. He spent 12 year separated from his family, working on plantations across the Deep South. It was while he was owned by the cruel (even by the standards of the slave trade) Edwin Epps that Northup met a Canadian carpenter named Samuel Bass. Northup told Bass the truth about his identity and it was with Bass’s help that Solomon Northup was finally reunited with his family. Northup went on to write the memoir 12 Years A Slave and traveled the country, lecturing on abolition.

His later life is a mystery. He vanished in 1857, while on a speaking tour in Canada. At the time, there was speculation that he had once again been abducted and sold into slavery. Others thought that he may have been murdered by pro-slavery partisans. Of course, there were other who said that they met Northup in the 1860s and that he was helping slaves escape to the North during the Civil War. One man, a Rev. Smith, even reported meeting Northup in 1863.

Over a century later, Solomon’s memoir was adapted for the screen. Directed by Steve McQueen, 2013’s 12 Years a Slave was a powerful and haunting film, one that deservedly won the Oscar for best picture of the year. Here’s that moment:

Cleaning Out The DVR: Psycho In-Law (dir by Jeff Hare)

Posted on January 3, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Hi there! So, as you may know because I’ve been talking about it on this site all year, I have got way too much stuff on my DVR. Seriously, I currently have 184 things recorded! I’ve decided that, on January 15th, I am going to erase everything on the DVR, regardless of whether I’ve watched it or not. So, that means that I’ve now have only have a month to clean out the DVR! Will I make it? Keep checking this site to find out! I recorded Psycho In-Law off of Lifetime on October 5th, 2017!)

You’re probably looking at the picture above and you’re thinking to yourself, “Oh my God, that’s one psycho in-law!”

Well, that picture doesn’t even begin to do justice to just how crazy Joyce (Catherine Dyer) tuns out to be. I’ve seen a lot of crazy people in a lot of Lifetime films and it’s hard to think of any who go quite as batshit insane as Joyce.

Joyce, of course, does have her reasons for being upset. She was overjoyed when her daughter, Lorna, married the handsome and successful Brock (Mike Faiola). She was even happier when Lorna gave birth to her granddaughter, Harper (Brooke Fontana). But then Lorna died, the result of an accident that was pretty much all Joyce’s fault. In the two years since Lorna’s death, Joyce has doted on both Brock and Harper. She’s become a very important member of their family.

But now, Brock has met Tina (Katie Leclerc). After dating Tina for six months, he finally feels that he’s ready to move on and to marry her. Brock is happy. Tina’s happy. Harper’s happy. Tina’s sister, Ellen (Pamela Mitchell), is happy even if she chooses not to admit it. You know who isn’t happy? Joyce.

And it makes sense, it really does. After all, Joyce sees Tina as someone who is trying to not only replace her daughter in Brock’s life but also to replace Joyce in Harper’s life. It’s no surprise that Joyce wouldn’t approve of Tina. That’s just the way people are. However, Joyce does take things a little bit too far.

For instance:

She hires a private investigator to dig up dirt on Tina.

She murders her husband when he suggests that she’s getting a little too obsessed.

She contacts Tina’s ex-boyfriend and leads him to believe that Tina wants to get back together.

She tricks Tina into throwing away a hairbrush that Lorna gave to Harper.

She pushes someone out of a window.

She lies to Tina about what time Harper gets out of school, causing Tina to look irresponsible when she doesn’t pick Harper up.

She tries to poison Tina.

She utters every passive aggressive comment that pops into her mind.

She cases Tina around with a big knife…

Yes, Joyce does taking things just a little bit too far.

Anyway, Catherine Dyer’s completely and totally twisted performance as Joyce is the main reason to watch Psycho In-Law. She totally throws herself into the role and she’s a lot of fun to watch. That said, my favorite character — and the one to whom I definitely related — was Tina’s sister, Ellen. As played by Pamela Mitchell, Ellen had a sarcastic quip for every occasion. I related.

Psycho In-Law, of course, was followed by Psycho Brother-in-Law. I’m looking forward to Psycho Second Cousin sometime this summer.

Cleaning Out The DVR: Psycho Brother-in-Law (dir by Jose Montesinos)

Posted on January 3, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Hi there! So, as you may know because I’ve been talking about it on this site all year, I have got way too much stuff on my DVR. Seriously, I currently have 186 things recorded! I’ve decided that, on January 15th, I am going to erase everything on the DVR, regardless of whether I’ve watched it or not. So, that means that I’ve now have only have a month to clean out the DVR! Will I make it? Keep checking this site to find out! I recorded Psycho Brother-in-Law off of the Lifetime Movie Network on December 28th, 2017!)

From our friends at the Asylum comes a film about love, marriage, family, and murder!

You may think that Eric (Mike Duff) has the perfect life. He’s got a good job and a nice house. He has a loving wife named Kay (Brittany Falardeau) and an intelligent teenage daughter named Laura (Megan Ashley Brown). Good for Eric, right?

However, scratch the surface and you start to discover that things aren’t quite as perfect as they may appear.

Eric’s good job is keeping him away from his home and his family. That nice house isn’t cheap and it’s big enough to store a lot of hurt feelings.

He sees his wife Kay (Brittany Falardeau) so sporadically that she has been reduced to scheduling sex with him. “After date night?”

Laura, meanwhile, is dating Ron (Billy Meade) and we all know that Ron is bad news because he plays the guitar and he’s always hanging out in the high school’s hallway, instead of actually going to class. Eric says that he thinks Ron is a punk. Kay thinks Eric is overprotective.

And then, there’s David.

David (Zack Gold) is Eric’s brother. One night, he mysteriously shows up at the front door, needing some place to stay. At first, David seems like a good guy to have around the house. He’s seems to be a nice guy. He’s good at fixing stuff. When Eric misses date night, David takes Kay to a movie. When Laura rolls her eyes a little too much at her mom, David reminds Laura about how hard Kay has been working.

But there are little hints that David has some issues. For one thing, he has trouble holding down a job and he’s remarkably tight-lipped about what he’s been doing for the past few years. For another thing, Eric doesn’t seem to be too happy to see him, even though David is always willing to beat up anyone who gives his brother a hard time. It seems that David is a bit overprotective himself. He’s the type of guy who you never know whether he’s going to use a wrench to fix the sink or to bash your head in.

Of course, the main clue that we have that something is wrong with David is the title of the movie. Since David and Eric are the only brothers in the film and Eric is the only one of them who is married, it doesn’t take much thought to figure out who is going to be the psycho…

BUT NO MATTER! I love Asylum films like this. The Asylum is so shameless and unapologetic about embracing the melodrama that you can’t help but love them. I fell in love with this film as soon as David’s eyes bugged out when some fat slob accidentally bumped into Eric at the bar. I was like, “Yes, this movie is totally going to live up to its title!”

And it did! This was a fun movie, with Zack Gold totally turning it up to 11 in the role of the psycho brother-in-law. According to the imdb, it only cost $200,000 to produce Psycho Brother-in-Law. It was money well spent.

Cleaning Out The DVR: Cradle Swapping (dir by Michael Feifer)

Posted on January 3, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This year, there was a surprisingly large number of Lifetime films about babies either getting kidnapped or switched at birth. If Lifetime films tend to use to melodrama to bring to life the fears of its audiences, 2017 was a year when everyone was scared about who or what their baby would grow up to be.

In Cradle Swapping, Grandma (played by Patrika Darbo) takes one look at the baby that her daughter has brought home from the hospital and announces that it doesn’t look anything like her supposed parents. Needless to say, neither Alicia (Amanda Clayton) or Ray (Brandon Barash) are happy to hear this. They argue that all babies look the same.

No, Grandma says, all of her babies looked exactly like her.

Of course, that’s not the only time that Grandma points this out. Later, after Alicia and Ray have just returned from the hospital with their baby, Grandma takes another look at it and announces that the baby still looks nothing like her mother or father. This time, Alicia gets even more upset about it. “Way to go,” everyone tells Grandma.

Grandma actually has a pretty good point but it’s understandable why Alicia doesn’t want to hear it. Alicia already has a lot to deal with. Baby Hannah refuses to look her in the eye. Baby Hannah refuses to breastfeed. Baby Hannah is always crying. When Alicia and Ray take Hannah to the hospital, a doctor demands to know if Alicia has ever used drugs. “Just in college,” Alicia replies, “experimenting.”

It turns out that Hannah is going through opioid withdrawal!

At first, Ray blames Alicia for taking prescription medication. Alicia blames Ray for not being supportive. Maybe they should be redirecting their blame at hospital…

See, it turns out that Hannah is not their baby. Instead, their baby was taken by the incredibly sleazy Tony (Tyler Johnson), who left another baby in her place. Getting little help from the hospital or the authorities, Alicia and Ray take matters into their own hands, setting out to track down Tony and find their baby. However, what they don’t know is that Tony is involved in a much bigger conspiracy than they even suspect….

I have to admit that I liked Cradle Swapping more than I thought I would. Amanda Clayton and Brandon Barash were sympathetic as the parents and they were easy to relate to. I appreciated the fact that they started the movie in over their heads and they were still in over their heads when the movie ended. They never turned into action heroes or superhuman investigators. Instead, they were just two ordinary parents trying to find their baby. You want them to succeed and the end result is an above average Lifetime film.

Here’s The 2nd Trailer For Eli Roth’s Death Wish!

Posted on January 3, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Judging from the majority of the comments on YouTube, a lot of people do not seem to understand that Eli Roth’s upcoming Death Wish is a remake of an earlier film. And the few who do realize it seem to be under the impression that it’s either a remake of one of the Punisher films or a rip-off of The Foreigner.

I mean, seriously, that’s kinda pathetic. There’s no excuse not to know your film history.

Anyway, here’s the 2nd trailer for Death Wish! It doesn’t really look that good but hopefully, it’ll still be better than The Brave One!

I Dare You To Watch The Trailer For Truth or Dare

Posted on January 3, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

AGCK! Those smiles are creepy!

Otherwise, Truth or Dare basically looks like a remake of It Follows with a little bit of The Ring tossed in. I have a bad feeling that this is going to be one of those movies where the entire plot is dependent on everyone being beyond dumb but as long as it’s scary, who cares?

Things Get Creepy With The Slender Man Trailer!

Posted on January 3, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

You know, I think we all know that the Slender Man movie is not going to be that good but the trailer, which dropped earlier today, certainly is creepy!

Here’s the trailer:

(Myself, I’m hoping the 2019 will see the release of a related film called Fat Man, to be followed in 2020 by Slender Man vs. Fat Man.)

Cleaning Out The DVR: The Wrong Mother (dir by Craig Goldstein)

Posted on January 3, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Hi there! So, as you may know because I’ve been talking about it on this site all year, I have got way too much stuff on my DVR. Seriously, I currently have 187 things recorded! I’ve decided that, on January 15th, I am going to erase everything on the DVR, regardless of whether I’ve watched it or not. So, that means that I’ve now have only have a month to clean out the DVR! Will I make it? Keep checking this site to find out! I recorded The Wrong Mother off of Lifetime on April 8th, 2017!)

(aka The Wrong Mother)

The Wrong Mother is a pretty typical example of a type of Lifetime movie that I like to call a “Trust No One Film.”

These films always deal with the same basic plot. Take a perfect family, consisting of a perfect wife, a perfect husband, at least one perfect kid, and a perfectly outspoken best friend. Open the film by establishing that they all live in a perfect house. Then, the wife makes the mistake of inviting a seemingly friendly person into the house and suddenly, things aren’t so perfect anymore. Suddenly, the husband is being tempted. The wife is being deceived. The children are being brainwashed. And the best friend usually ends up either dead or in the hospital. It all happened because the wife trusted someone. If only she had been willing to embrace her paranoia.

In The Wrong Mother, the perfect wife is Kaylene (Vanessa Marcil), who is run down by a SUV one day while she’s out jogging. The perfect husband is Drew (Stephen Snedden), who works as an airline pilot and is often not home. The perfect best friend is Samantha (Elizabeth Bond), who immediately realizes that the key to Kaylene’s recovery will be Kaylene washing her hair and not spending too much time in bed. The two perfect children are twins and they’re just adorable. And the perfect stranger is a nurse named Vanessa (Brooke Nevin). After meeting Kaylene and Drew in the hospital, she talks them into hiring her as a home care giver. Soon, Vanessa is lounging around the pool in a bikini and forcing Kaylene to take all sorts of pills. Vanessa is so dangerous that she even wears Lolita-style sunglasses. Samantha suspects that Vanessa might be hiding something…

And she’s right!

For one thing, Vanessa isn’t actually a nurse. She’s just someone who was hanging out around the hospital. For another thing, she knows that Kaylene had the twins via in vitro fertilization. In fact, Vanessa donated the eggs. Now, Vanessa wants the children for her own and she’s willing to go to any lengths to get them, even murder.

The lesson here? TRUST NO ONE!

Anyway, The Wrong Mother is a fairly typical Lifetime film. Once you’ve seen enough of these films, it becomes fairly easy to predict everything that’s going to happen and that certainly was the case with The Wrong Mother. (At this point, I can usually guess how many commercial breaks will pass before the best friend has an unfortunate “accident.”) The main reason to watch this movie is for the performance of Brooke Nevin, who delivers her snarky asides and rolls her eyes with such enthusiasm that she provides The Wrong Mother with a few enjoyable sparks.