Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.8 “Balancing Act”

Posted on January 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

This week, we discover how it all began!

Episode 1.8 “Balancing Act”

(Dir by Gus Trikonis, originally aired on November 18th, 1995)

The eighth episode of Baywatch Nights opens with Ryan and Garner on a stakeout. It’s the middle of the day and they’re waiting for someone carrying an envelope full of evidence. Mitch is nowhere to be seen, which actually makes sense. I mean, Mitch is still working as a lifeguard. Over the past seven episodes, I’ve often wondered how Mitch can work full-time as both a detective and a lifeguard captain. This episode finally acknowledges that Mitch actually does have another job.

Garner and Ryan start talking about the first that they met and how they came to be partners in a detective firm. It’s flashback time! The flashbacks are to the show’s previously unaired pilot. What’s funny is that, even though Garner is the one who is telling the story, the flashbacks are all narrated by Mitch. I know that Garner and Mitch were extremely close friends during the early seasons of Baywatch but I didn’t realize they could actually hear each other’s thoughts.

Flashback Mitch explains that both he and Garner were wondering if there was anything more to life than their jobs. Garner wanted to be more than just a beach cop. Mitch was wondering if maybe there was something more out there than just being a lifeguard. One day, when Mitch on vacation from his lifeguarding job, Mitch decided to accompany Garner to investigate a mysterious boat that had been showing up around the marina. It was during the investigation that Mitch and Garner first met Ryan. Ryan had paid $25,000 for a private detective agency in California, just to discover that the agency was not the high class operation that the previous owner, Nicky Pine (Philip Bruns), claimed it was. However, before Ryan could confront him, Nicky was apparently killed by a group of criminals who wanted a valuable bracelet that Nicky owned. Except the bracelet, which he gave to Ryan, was actually a fake and Nicky wasn’t actually dead and….

Ugh, this is complicated. Seriously. I hate to admit that I couldn’t follow the plot of an episode of Baywatch Nights but this plot had so many nonsensical twists and turns that I pretty much gave up on trying to make sense of it all. The important thing is that Garner got fed up with the police and quit, Mitch realized that he wanted to be a private eye, and Ryan got to be totally awesome as usual. At one point, Ryan explained to Mitch that she was tough because she was from Dallas. Woo hoo! You tell him, Ryan!

Because this was a pilot, there were a few examples of early installment weirdness. Troy Evans showed up as a police detective and one got the feeling that he was originally envisioned as being a recurring character. Lisa Stahl’s Destiny was nowhere to be seen but there was a character named Andy (Linda Hoffman) was acted quite similarly to Destiny. Even Nicky and his girlfriend, Rose (Jeanette O’Connor), seemed to be set up to become semi-regular characters. Obviously, there was some retooling done after this pilot was produced.

Anyway, this episode’s plot is impossible to follow but the California scenery is lovely, which I think is the most that anyone could realistically demand from any show from the Baywatch universe. Having now watched the pilot, I’m glad that the show went forward with just Mitch, Garner, and Ryan as regulars. They’re a good team.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.7 “Pressure Cooker”

Posted on December 26, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Mitch, Ryan, and Lou are held hostage!

Episode 1.7 “Pressure Cooker”

(Dir by Gus Trikonis, originally aired on November 11, 1995)

Episode seven of Baywatch Nights opens with Mitch and Garner, once again, whining about their job. They have been hired to work undercover in a fried chicken restaurant that has been robbed five times. Garner wears a chicken costume and greets the customers. Mitch works in the kitchen. This is not the type of work that Mitch and Garner had in mind when they decided to become part-time private investigators.

In his opening voice over, Mitch says that sometimes, you have to do what you have to do to pay your bills. Here’s the thing, though. Mitch is a lifeguard. He’s not just a lifeguard but he’s one of the top lifeguards in California. So, no, he doesn’t need to work as a private eye to pay his bills. I don’t care how much Mitch complains about the job. I think he just secretly enjoys working as a cook in a fast food restaurant. And good for him, if that’s the case! Myself, I like fried chicken and I respect anyone who cooks it for a living.

Eventually, the scummy Sosa brothers show up at the restaurant and try to rob the place. Garner and Mitch are able to stop the robbery but they only manage to capture one brother, Manny Sosa (Cliff Dorfman). Duke (Joseph Spencer) and Nick Sosa (Rich Werner) escape.

Later, Duke and Nick show up at Nights, which is the nightclub that doubles as the office of the detective agency. Because it’s the afternoon, Nights is not open to general public but that doesn’t stop Duke and Nick from taking Mitch, Ryan, and Lou Raymond (Lou Rawls) hostage. (Lou is the owner of Nights. Despite the fact that Lou Rawls was prominently featured in the opening credits of each episode, this is only his second appearance on the show.) Duke demands that Manny be released from prison or he’s going to start shooting hostages!

While they wait out the situation, Lou plays the piano and sings a song while Duke dances with Ryan. Meanwhile, Garner waits outside the club with the police and the press. Eventually, reporter Stormy Walters (Sandra Dee Robinson) is invited to enter the club with her crew so that she can interview Duke and get some footage of him dancing with Ryan. Garner puts on a fake beard and pretends to be Stormy’s sound guy.

As soon as Mitch sees Garner, he nudges Ryan and says, “It’s Garner!” Even though Mitch whispers, it still seems like a reckless thing to point out when there’s two gun-toting maniacs in the club. Fortunately, the Sosa brothers are pretty stupid so Mitch, Garner, and Ryan are able to give them a beat down. Unfortunately, before the situation is resolved, both Lou and Garner are shot but, apparently, not seriously.

This episode …. eh. As I’ve said elsewhere on this site, I am just not a fan of shows about hostage situations. As soon as the Sosa brothers show up at the club, the narrative momentum comes to a grinding halt and all that’s left is 30 minutes of sweaty losers pointing guns at people and shouting. It gets a little boring. As well, the Sosas were so stupid that, even when they were shooting people, it was difficult to take them seriously as dangerous criminals. They were just idiots.

Next week, we get the origin story as we learn how Mitch and Garner came to work with Ryan in the first place!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 12/17/23 — 12/23/23

Posted on December 23, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s been a busy week. I haven’t even had a chance to watch the finale of Survivor yet! But that’s okay. My mind is on the holidays right now.

Here’s some thoughts on what I watched this week:

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here! I’m really enjoying this extremely silly show.

The Bear Who Slept Through Christmas (YouTube)

This cute animated Christmas special from 1973 followed the adventures of a bear who decided not to hibernate for the winter because he wanted to experience Christmas firsthand. All of the other bears thought he was crazy. I was proud of him for following his dreams.

A Charlie Brown Christmas (Apple TV+)

I watched this on Friday evening. It’s one of my favorite Christmas traditions, from poor Charlie Brown’s attempts to direct the play to Snoopy’s impersonations. A few years ago, my sister wrote about this special.

Check It Out! (Tubi)

This week’s episode was a strange one. My review will drop in another 30 minutes or so.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here! Wow, Ponch really is a terrible cop, isn’t he?

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High and the start of season 2 here.

Fantasy Island (YouTube)

I’m happy to say that Fantasy Island has been re-uploaded to YouTube so now I basically have to binge as many episodes as possible before they get yanked down again. Otherwise, I’ll have to use that terrible Daily Motion site to watch the show. Anyway, I wrote about this week’s episode here.

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about this week’s David Cronenberg-directed episode here!

Frosty The Snowman (DVR)

I recorded this classic Christmas special when CBS aired it on Saturday and then I watched it on Sunday. It always upsets me when Frosty melts. I think that’s because I live in Texas, where it hardly ever snows. So, when a snowman melts down here, it’s totally possible that he will never be able to return.

Frosty Returns (DVR)

Frosty’s back and he sounds a lot like John Goodman! I recorded this the same night that I recorded Frosty the Snowman. Frosty Returns is not quite as charming as the first special, as the environmental message is so heavy-handed that it almost feels like a parody. Still, I like snow and I like snowmen. Come back, Frosty!

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

By wonderful coincidence, this week’s episode of Highway to Heaven was a Christmas episode! I reviewed it here.

Jennifer Slept Here (YouTube)

My review can be found here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

This week’s episode was really good. I wrote about it here!

Monsters (Tubi)

I reviewed Monsters here!

The Murder of Jill Dando (Netflix)

This three-part true crime series took a look at the still unsolved murder of a famous and influential British journalist and television host. It was an intriguing series, full of twists and turns and questions to which we may never get an answer.

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer (DVR)

This special is undoubtedly a classic but it always bothers me to see what a jerk Santa is.

Seinfeld (Netflix)

Earlier today, I watched the Festivus episode and the episode where Kramer becomes a department store Santa Claus and is accused of being a communist. “Hey, this guy’s a commie! He’s spreading propaganda!”

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back, Kotter here!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.6 “976 Ways To Say I Love You”

Posted on December 19, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Ryan goes undercover!

Episode 1.6 “976 Ways To Say I Love You”

(Dir by Charles Bail, originally aired on November 4th, 1995)

The sixth episode of Baywatch Nights opens with Mitch and Garner doing a surveillance job on someone. They are sitting out in their car and watching their target and talking about how much they hate having to work surveillance.

One thing that I’ve noticed about the first few episodes of Baywatch Nights is that Mitch and Garner both seem to spend a lot of time complaining about their job. It’s a bit odd because it’s not like there’s any reason why they have to work as private detectives. Garner could rejoin the police department if he wanted to. Mitch actually has another full-time job as one of the top lifeguards in California. There’s nothing that says they have to spend their nights doing surveillance. (In fact, I’m not even sure how Mitch is balancing being a lifeguard with being a private eye.) I mean, if it’s such a bother being a private eye, just don’t do it anymore!

The surveillance subplot doesn’t really have anything to do with the rest of the episode. (It’s mostly just there so the episode can feature a joke about Garner and Mitch getting dusted by a crop duster that happens to fly over their convertible.) Instead, the majority of this episode deals with Mitch, Garner, and Ryan helping Addy (Heather Campbell), a former phone sex operator who was scammed by her boss and who is now apparently being stalked by someone who is trying to murder everyone who was involved with Addy’s former career. This is one of those cases that doesn’t really add up to much but it does provide Garner with a chance to do some real detective work and abandon his idea to abandon crime fighting and open a chicken franchise.

(Seriously, that’s what Garner was planning on doing.)

The investigation also leads to Ryan putting on a blonde wig and going undercover as a phone sex operator. Watching this episode, I got the feeling that the entire pitch was, “Angie Harmon says sexy things on the phone,” and the plot was basically developed around that one idea. It should be said that Angie Harmon actually does a pretty good job playing up Ryan’s irritation with having to go undercover. The way she rolled her eyes whenever some mouth-breather started to talk to her told us everything we needed to know about the experience. Unlike her whiny partner, Ryan did what she had to do to solve the case and good for her! Really, this entire series should have just been Ryan kicking ass and solving crimes. Garner and Mitch are just taking up space.

Along with Angie Harmon’s work as Ryan, this episode was also distinguished by the performance of Robert Ginty as the owner of the phone sex company. Ginty was wonderfully sleazy as a businessman who made no apologies for how he made his money. As well, Police Academy fans will probably be happy to see Michael Winslow, as a surveillance technician who imitates static.

The episode was not bad, even if it wasn’t particularly memorable. Ryan did a good job and again proved herself to be the best private eye in California. Seriously, though, Mitch and Garner need to stop crying so much. If you don’t want to do detective stuff, don’t become a detective!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 12/10/23 — 12/16/23

Posted on December 16, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s the holidays and, as a result, I haven’t had much time to watch television this week. In fact, outside of the stuff that I watch for my Retro Television Reviews, I only watched three shows this week.

All In The Family (YouTube)

On Friday night, my friend Pat suggested checking out the 1976 Christmas episode of All In the Family, in which a draft-dodging friend of Mike’s visits from Canada. He shows up at the Bunker household, right on Christmas day! At the same time, a friend of the Archie Bunker’s is visiting. Pinky lost his son in Vietnam.

Now, really, the whole conflict in this episode could have been avoided if the draft dodger had just kept his mouth shut when Archie started asking him what was so great about living in Canada. But the dodger felt that he had to reveal the truth about why he went up north. Archie wanted to kick him out but Pinky was understanding and forgiving.

This was a well-acted episode with a powerful message but I do have to admit that I could kind of see Archie’s point. It’s his house! He’s the one who paid for the Christmas dinner that they’re all eating. If he doesn’t want to have a draft dodger sitting at the table in his house and eating the food that he paid for, that’s actually Archie’s right. Still, I’m glad that Archie didn’t kick the draft dodger out because the guy actually was reasonably polite and everyone should have some place to go on Christmas.

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Check It Out (Tubi)

My review of Check It Out should be dropping in about 30 minutes.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here!

Fantasy Island (Daily Motion)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, Fox)

Why would anyone agree to hold a charity event at Hell’s Kitchen? That’s what I found myself wondering as I watched the latest episode of Hell’s Kitchen on Thursday. Surely, they’ve seen enough episodes of this show to know that they’re going to be running the risk of getting raw chicken and rubbery scallops.

Anyway, I was sad to see Donya go. I think the only reason Ramsay is keeping Jason around is for the drama. Go Ryan!

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

Jennifer Slept Here (YouTube)

I wrote about Jennifer Slept Here …. here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Monsters (Tubi)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town (Tuesday Night, ABC)

It’s the holidays so, naturally, I had to watch this classic. The old Christmas specials have never really been topped, despite Disney’s best efforts.

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.5 “Just A Gigolo”

Posted on December 12, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Mitch and Ryan go undercover!

Episode 1.5 “Just A Gigolo”

(Dir by Martin Pasetta, originally aired on October 28th, 1995)

David Hasselhoff is a gigolo!

No, not really. Mitch may be wearing sunglasses and speaking broken French but that’s just because he has gone undercover as a con artist. He’s trying to expose the actual gigolo, a younger man named Grant Styles (Joel Beeson). Grant swindled a good deal of money from Mitch’s friend, Julie (Candy Clark), but, because Julie voluntarily handed over the money and told Grant that he didn’t have to pay her back, no crime was committed.

“To catch a gigolo,” Mitch tells us, “I decided to become a gigolo.” This is followed by a lengthy exercise montage. Finally, after a week of lifting weights and jogging on the beach, Mitch is ready to make his debut at the local country club. Accompanying him is Ryan (Angie Harmon), who is pretending to be a wealthy divorcee. (Mitch’s aunt agrees to allow Ryan to use her mansion.) Grant immediately starts hitting on Ryan and Mitch can only watch as Ryan flirts back. Mitch actually starts to feel jealous and Ryan, for her part, starts to feel jealous whenever she sees Mitch flirting with the older women at the club. Could Mitch and Ryan be falling in love?

Actually, Mitch and Ryan do kind of make a cute couple. I mean, seriously, they just look like they belong together. From the first episode of this series, David Hasselhoff and Angie Harmon have had a playful chemistry and their personalities definitely compliment each other. These two definitely need to get together.

For now, though, the important thing is exposing Grant and his “manager,” Margo Curtis (future reality star Lisa Vanderpump). Though Mitch can’t stand the idea of Grant spending time with Ryan, he still has to do things like stand perfectly still while Grant beats him up because fighting back would apparently blow his cover. (To be honest, I think the only reason the fight scene was included was so Hasselhoff could look directly at the camera and do a “Why me?” shrug.) After Grant beats up Julie, Mitch and Ryan realize that Grant is far more dangerous than the average gigolo. After Grant, while flying a paraglider, tries to shoot Mitch on the beach, Mitch and Ryan trick him into breaking into Ryan’s mansion so that he can be captured and sent away.

While all of this is going on, Garner (Gregory Alan Williams) and Destiny (Lisa Stahl) worked together to catch a notorious bail jumped named Bobby Bahama (Jeff Dashnaw). Most bail jumpers would probably try to leave the state but Bobby jumps bail and then decides to just keep hanging out at the beach and his favorite club. Destiny meets Bobby at the club, invites him to her hotel room, and then handcuffs him to the bed.

“Kinky,” Bobby says.

No, Bobby, the term is “captured.”

I enjoyed this episode, not so much for the basic plot but for the chemistry between Angie Harmon and David Hasselhoff. Like I said earlier, they’re an appealing couple and they have a fun chemistry whenever they’re acting opposite each other. Any show that features David Hasselhoff pretending to be a gigolo is going to have a bizarre appeal to it but Mitch’s relationship with Ryan was strong enough that not even a rather silly storyline could sabotage it.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 12/3/23 — 12/9/23

Posted on December 9, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Amazing Race (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I swear, as if I didn’t already have enough reasons to resent Big Brother, the latest season took up so much of my time and energy that I still haven’t been able to get caught up with my favorite reality show, The Amazing Race. The season ends next week and I’m still struggling to get up-to-speed with it all. That said, I did enjoy this week’s trip to Ireland.

Bar Rescue (Paramount Plus)

On Monday morning, I watched an episode from the first season. Jon Taffer went to an Irish bar in Redondo Beach. Because this was the first season, Taffer didn’t yell as much as he would in later seasons and a lot more emphasis was put on “bar science.” It was kind of nice. I’m not a huge fan of nonstop yelling. A little anger goes a long way.

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Check It Out (Tubi)

My review of the week’s episode of Check It Out! will post on this site in about 30 minutes.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Dancing With The Stars (Tuesday Night, ABC)

Between Big Brother and the holidays, I didn’t really keep up with the latest season of Dancing With The Stars. (And, to be honest, So You Think You Can Dance was always the better dance competition show.) I did catch the finale this week. Congratulations to Xochitl and Van! I kind of wish Jamie Lynn Spears had made it to the finale as a competitor, just because twitter or X or whatever the heck it’s called now would have exploded.

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here!

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

On Monday, largely as a result of watching HBO’s Love Has Won docuseries, I went down the Dr. Phil cult rabbit hole and I watched two episodes. The first featured an unstable woman who had been brainwashed by a fake psychic. I followed this up with an episode in which a cult leader was confronted by anti-cult activist Rick Ross. The cult leader started out trying to be smooth and clever but he lost it as soon as he was challenged. I’ve been pretty critical of Dr. Phil in the past but I do always enjoy watching him take down a cult leader.

On Wednesday, I watched an episode about a husband and a wife who had been having issues ever since the wife lost a good deal of weight and became “too hot.” Personally, I think everyone was too judgmental of the wife. She was just having a good time and if her husband couldn’t handle not being the center of attention anymore, well then I guess it just sucks to be him.

Fantasy Island (YouTube)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Frasier (Paramount Plus)

Finally, after being so disappointed with the premiere, I watched episodes two and three of the Frasier revival. The second episode featured Frasier trying to connect with Freddy and meeting his son’s co-workers (none of whom knew that Frasier was Freddy’s father). The third and marginally better episode featured Frasier trying to overcome his “celebrity” status and be taken seriously as a Harvard lecturer.

Both episodes suffered from the same problem, which was also present in the premiere. Kelsey Grammer does his usual good work. At this point, he might as well be Frasier Crane. But all of the other characters are either underwritten or just plan unlikable. Freddy is a self-righteous jerk and, considering who his parents are and how he was portrayed as a child, it makes no sense that he would grow up to become a blue collar sports fanatic. Next door neighbor Eve is boring. Frasier’s Harvard colleagues are clichés. Watching the show is depressing because you’re like, “Frasier gave up that great apartment in Seattle for this!?” That’s the problem with reboots. No one wants to think about classic TV characters getting older and moving into a less impressive apartment.

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, Fox and Hulu)

I got caught up on Hell’s Kitchen this week. Both Jason and Carmen need to get over themselves. I hope Ryan wins because I like listening to the sound of his voice.

Jennifer Slept Here (YouTube)

And my review is here!

Kitchen Nightmares (Monday Night, FOX)

There were two new episodes this week. Gordon Ramsay saved a historic hot dog place and then he saved an Indian restaurant. The first episode was entertaining because of all the personal drama between the owners. Seriously, don’t ever try to run a business with someone who you are no longer sleeping with. The second episode was sweet because the owner was such a nice guy but he also drove everyone crazy because he was a micromanager. By the end of the show, he was trying to enjoy being retired. It’s always kind of nice to see Chef Ramsay being nice to people, as opposed to telling them to “GET OUT!”

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Monsters (Tubi)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

On Friday night, I watched a Christmas special from some time in the late 80s. There was some fun new wave-style Christmas music, though the show was stolen by Tony Bennett’s far more traditional style.

Shrek the Halls (ABC, Saturday Night)

I didn’t realize how much I miss Shrek and the gang until I watched this 2007 special earlier tonight. Christmas is a season that even an ill-tempted ogre can enjoy!

The Simpsons (Disney+)

On Tuesday night, I watched an old episode of The Simpsons. Feeling that The Itchy and Scratchy Show needed to be shaken up with a new character, the show’s producers demanded that an obnoxious dog named Poochie be added to the cast. Homer was cast as Poochie but the viewing public did not react quite as positively to the new character as Homer was hoping. This episode made me laugh more than a few times. I especially liked that a new character named Roy suddenly showed up in the Simpson household at the same time Poochie was showing up on Itchy and Scratchy. Everyone pretended like Roy had always been there but, after Poochie was killed off, Roy also announced that he was leaving the Simpson household to move on with “two sexy ladies.”

Survivor (CBS, Wednesday Night)

Emily was voted out after Julie played an immunity idol. Boooo! Seriously, that sucks. Emily was the only person on the show that I liked. All of the stupid twists and immunity idols are causing good players to get voted out and I’m getting kind of tired of it. What I wouldn’t give for a season that was a return to Survivor basics, with no idols, no twists, and no weepy backstories.

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back, Kotter here!

Last Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.4 “Deadly Vision”

Posted on December 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight, Mitch reveals a new talent!

Episode 1.4 “Deadly Vision”

(Dir by Paul Lynch, originally aired on October 21st, 1995)

The highlight of this week’s episode is an extended sequence in which Mitch (David Hasselhoff) goes undercover. He’s trying to protect his friend Destiny (Lisa Stahl) from a serial killer. Because Destiny spends her days doing Tarot card readings in Malibu, Mitch decides that the best way to keep an eye on her is to dress up like a mime and perform for the crowds.

The crowds love Mitch, which leads me to wonder if maybe Mitch has some sort of previous mime experience. I mean, either Mitch has had some professional training or pretending to be in a box is the easiest thing in the world to master because Mitch pulls it off like a pro.

At one point, Mitch poses with a cardboard cut-out of Bill Clinton.

Mitch does quite a bit as a mime. He gets locked in an invisible box. He juggles invisible balls. He sings a silent song. He even chases down and catches a thief. What Mitch does not do is catch the serial killer. The serial killer, who is probably not a fan of mimes, does not show up. In fact, one could argue that Mitch doesn’t really accomplish any thing of particular importance while pretending to be a mime but the whole sequence pretty much epitomizes everything that makes Baywatch Nights so much fun. David Hasselhoff as a mime? It makes no sense but it’s fun! A random cardboard cut-out of Bill Clinton? It makes no sense but it’s fun! Baywatch Nights is a fun show, precisely because it is so shamelessly silly.

Of course, Destiny is not having as much fun as Mitch is. Destiny is continually having vision of people with whom she is casually acquainted being murdered. Mitch and Garner (Gregory Alan Williams) have no problem believing that Destiny is having visions of the killer attacking people. Ryan (Angie Harmon) is a bit more skeptical and I was happy about that, just because I’m also pretty skeptical about people who say that they can see the future. It’s nice to have a character to whom I can relate on this show. Mitch, Ryan and Garner think that the killer might be a con artist and a gigolo who they’re already investigating. However, the show reveals early on that Destiny is being stalked by a crazed painter named Burt (Carl Weintraub). Burt is obsessed with Destiny and he doesn’t like it when Destiny talks to other people, whether she’s telling their fortune or helping them investigate a crime.

In the end, the killer is thwarted and Destiny’s life is saved. Hopefully, Mitch will continue to pursue his career as a mime because he’s got the talent! I mean, you can’t lifeguard forever, right?

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 11/26/23 — 12/2/23

Posted on December 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Bar Rescue (Paramount Plus)

On Tuesday, I watched an episode in which Jon Taffer went to a bar in San Antonio and yelled at the owner, who was basically spending all of her time drinking as opposed to actually running her business. The thing that amuses me about this show is how Taffer acts like running a bar is the most important calling in the world.

On Wednesday, I watched an episode in which Taffer went to a bar in Brooklyn and his camera crew was actually attacked by some unruly bar patrons. Agck! That was kind of scary. That said, I always enjoy the New York episodes of Bar Rescue because it’s fun to watch the rudest people in the world get yelled at by the rudest television host.

On Thursday, while it rained outside, I watched as Jon Taffer tried to save an ant-infested music venue. He got mad because the owner kept laughing awkwardly but I think the guy just had a nervous habit. I followed this up with an episode in which a drunk sports bar owner turned out to be so obnoxious that his entire staff quit on him and Taffer didn’t even invite him to the grand re-opening of his bar. (The owner still showed up, completely drunk.) It was actually kind of a sad episode. Taffer kept yelling at the guy for not smiling enough but some people just aren’t natural smilers.

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Check It Out! (Tubi)

My review of this week’s episode will drop in about 30 minutes.

CHiPS (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here!

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

On Saturday, I watched a really sad episode featuring this crazy woman who was harassing a mother who had lost one of her daughters to cyberbullying. The woman was incredibly unstable and never seemed to understand just how loathed she was by the audience. Seriously, the ability to go online on a whim has done terrible things to some minds.

On Monday, I watched a rare three-part episode in which Dr. Phil confronted a professional catfisher named Khalid. Khalid tried to be very charming when the interview began but, over the course of 90 minutes, he grew more and more hostile and defensive. It was interesting to watch, even if Khalid ultimately got away with his crimes.

On Tuesday, I watched an episode featuring a woman who was planning to leave her husband so that she could pursue Kip Moore. The audience was amused but I found the episode to be kind of depressing. Dr. Phil once again claimed that his son was a country music star, which I don’t think was actually true.

On Saturday, after watching a docuseries about the Love Has Won cult on HBO, I watched two episodes that Dr. Phil did about the group.

Fantasy Island (Daily Motion)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

Jennifer Slept Here (YouTube)

I wrote about Jennifer Slept Here …. here!

Kitchen Nightmares (Monday Night, Fox)

This week, Chef Ramsay went to a restaurant in South Brooklyn, where the two owners had an extremely toxic relationship. I enjoyed this episode because everyone involved was extremely Italian. I was happy when Rey walked out of the restaurant because I felt his behavior was abusive. I was less happy when Danny quit but I can understand his logic. He just wanted to do his job but instead, he kept getting dragged into everyone’s personal drama. I was really happy when Kelly learned how to run the business on her own but I was disappointed that she apparently took Rey back as her partner.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Love Has Won: The Cult of Mother God (Saturday Afteroon, HBO2)

This creepy three-party documentary provided a look inside the Love Has Won cult and its leader, a former McDonalds manager who was believed to be God by her followers. She and her followers were addicted to filming themselves and the documentary was filled with footage of the group. It was easy to be dismissive of the members of the cult but almost all of them seemed to be damaged souls, people who dealt with their personal traumas by going down the rabbit hole of conspiracy-thinking and flakey spirituality.

Monsters (Tubi)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Sunday morning. Mike and the bots watched the 1959 film, Santa Claus. I like Tom Servo because he’s an intellectual.

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Welcome Back Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.3 “Silent Witness”

Posted on November 28, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Mitch proves that he still has much to learn about being a private investigator.

Episode 1.3 “Silent Witness”

(Dir by Richard Friedman, originally aired on October 14th, 1995)

Have you ever wondered why Mitch’s career as a private investigator didn’t last longer than just two years?

The simple answer, of course, is that Baywatch Nights did not exactly get the best ratings and the show was canceled after two seasons. Despite the fact that Baywatch Nights is an undeniably fun show, it was undoubtedly harmed by the fact that it didn’t feature lifeguards running in slow motion. It was a Baywatch spin-off that had little of what attracted viewers to the original show. Personally, I would think that the presence of David Hasselhoff would be enough but apparently, audiences in the 90s disagreed.

However, in-universe, I think Mitch’s failure to stick with the detective thing is that it doesn’t appear that he was very good at it.

Consider this episode. Hayley Cartwright (Paige Moss) is a teenage runaway who, while walking along the beach, spots a man in the ocean being pulled under the water and drowned by someone wearing a diving outfit. The murderer emerges from the ocean and tries to grab Haley. Haley gets away but not before the killer shouts at her to keep quiet or she’ll be next.

Mitch, who is jogging across the beach, spots a stunned and bruised Haley collapsing on the beach. Mitch checks out her injuries and assures her that she’s okay but Haley, who is understandably scared of everyone, runs away from him.

Later, Mitch is approached by a woman (Debby Boone) who says that her name is Lorraine and that she is Haley’s daughter. Lorraine says that she just wants her daughter to come home and she asks Mitch to help find her. Mitch agrees and sets out to find Haley while giving Lorraine regular updates.

Here’s what Mitch does not do. He doesn’t bother to ask for any identification from Lorraine. He doesn’t check out Lorraine’s story before agreeing to help her. He doesn’t stop to consider that Haley might have a reason for acting like she’s scared for her life. And really, it would have been good if Mitch had considered all of that because guess what? LORRAINE IS NOT HALEY’S MOTHER! Instead, she’s working with the killers!

Fortunately, Haley’s real mother (Janet Eilber) shows up and tells Ryan and Garner that she’s looking for her daughter. Ryan and Garner actually ask the woman for identification and the woman reveals that she not only has her driver’s license but she also brought Haley’s birth certificate! It’s a good thing that Haley’s real mom showed up because Mitch has found Haley hiding on a fishing boat and now, he’s having to defend her from the killers! Now, fortunately, Mitch may not be a good detective but he’s still David Hasselhoff so he is able to beat up the killers and save Haley’s life.

It’s a fairly standard episode, in that it’s not particularly memorable but the California scenery is nice to look at and it’s a show you can relax with. That said, the episode does have a brilliant opening, in which Mitch and Garner save Destiny from some bank robbers that are menacing her in an amusement park. This leads to a fight on a Ferris wheel and a miracle-go-round. Destiny is nearly run over by a miniature train! It’s a fun and over-the-top sequence, one that has next to nothing to do with the rest of the episode but it does indicate that the people involved in the show knew better than to take any of this too seriously.

Finally, Ryan gets a minor plot, in which she buys a home in Malibu, just to discover that she’s basically purchased land in a trailer park. It was silly but it showed off Angie Harmon and David Hasselhoff’s likable and playful chemistry. Watching the two of them together, it’s hard not to regret that Mitch wasn’t a better detective.