Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.3 “Down’s Syndrome”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu!

This week, we get to know a very bad doctor.

Episode 1.3 “Down’s Syndrome”

(Dir by Mark Tinker, originally aired on November 16th, 1982)

St. Eligius is home to several doctors, some of whom are good at their job and some of whom are really, really bad.

One of the bad ones appears to be Dr. Peter White (Terrence Knox), a resident who was in the background during the previous two episodes but who was at the center for a good deal of this episode.  Peter has a terrible bedside manner, absolutely no social skills, and his knowledge of medicine appears to be subpar at best.  When a homeless man comes in and complains of pain, Peter gives him a dose of potassium that nearly kills him.  (Only the quick thinking of Dr. Ehrlich — who himself hardly appears to be the perfect doctor — keeps the patient alive.)  Dr. White seems to be overwhelmed and it certainly doesn’t help that his wife is constantly calling the hospital and demanding to speak to him about every little thing.  That said, it’s hard to have much sympathy for Dr. White.  Yes, he’s overwhelmed but his mistakes nearly kill a man.

I have to admit that, as I watched Dr. Peter White on this week’s episode, I kept thinking about some of the doctors who treated my father after he had his car accident in May.  Whenever I spoke to them, they would brusquely answer my questions, usually in technical language that reflected that it had been a long time since they talked anyone who hadn’t gone to medical school.  At the time, I made the same excuses for them that I just made for Dr. White.  They were young, they were busy, and they were overwhelmed.  After my father died, though, I stopped making excuses for them and I instead just accepted that they weren’t very good at their job.  And perhaps Dr. White should admit the same.

It doesn’t help that Dr. White is contrasted with Dr. Auschlander, a kind and elderly liver specialist who is battling cancer but who still manages to treat all of his patients with kindness and respect.  The episode made it clear that all of the residents should hope to become a doctor like Dr. Auschlander.  While Peter snaps at his patients and nearly kills a man, Auschlander takes the time to play cards with a woman who is dying.  We should all be so lucky as to have an Auschlander in our life.

Finally, Brian Whitehill (Tony Bill) and his pregnant wife, Denise (Maureen Whitehill) are informed that their baby will be born with Down’s Syndrome.  In a scene that brings to mind Icelandic eugenics, Brian suggests that Denise get an abortion but Denise refuses, especially when she learns that she’s going to have a son.  (She already has two daughters.)  A day later, Brian comes home from work and tells Denise that he’s realized that she’s right and he’s prepared to be the father of a special needs child.  Denise replies that she had the abortion earlier in the day.  Seriously, what a depressing story!  That said, I respected what the show was doing here.  The patients are just as important as the doctors.

(And while Denise is getting an abortion, Dr. Morrison is learning that he’s going to be a father and, in contrast to Brian Whitehill, joyfully cheering in the hospital stairwell.)

As with the previous episode, there was a lot going on in the background.  Dr. Beale attempted to analyze terrorist Andrew Reinhardt (Tim Robbins), who is still basically acting like an arrogant prick.  Kathleen McAllister, the victim of Reinhardt’s attack, is still in a coma.  Dr. Westphall gave a tour of the hospital to two community leaders who both suggested that St. Eligius should shut down and move its operations to a wealthier neighborhood.  Dr. Fiscus got a blow job in an elevator from Kathy Martin.  (“Going down?” Fiscus asked the next guy who got on the elevator.)  It was a busy day at the hospital!  It was a good episode, even if it didn’t really have any of the big wow moments that the previous two episodes featured.  This episode was more about following a few days in the life of a hospital and the emphasis was on the nonstop flow of patients and doctors, some of whom were doing their best and some of whom were on the verge of giving up.  In the end, the main thing I took away from this episode was that there may not be enough Aucschlanders to make up for all the Peter Whites.

 

Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.3 “For The Love Of Larry”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This episode features a very good boy.

Episode 3.3 “For the Love of Larry”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on October 8th, 1986)

At the start of this episode, we find Jonathan and Mark on a dangerous assignment.  They’re in the city and apparently, they’re working as undercover cops and trying to catch a local drug dealer.  At least, I assume that the people working with Jonathan and Mark were supposed to be cops.  None of them were in uniform so I guess they have just as easily been a neighborhood vigilante group.  As Jonathan and Mark prepare to confront the dealer, Jonathan says that the scourge of drugs is the greatest threat that American will ever face.

It’s a heavy assignment but it doesn’t really seem like a Highway to Heaven sort of assignment.  Usually, Mark and Jonathan are specifically assigned to help someone.  This time, though, it appears that they’ve just been assigned to help the cops do their job.  Jonathan and Mark don’t really do anything that any other cop couldn’t have done.  Mark gets excited when the dealer tries to shoot him because he’s convinced that God is causing the bullets to miss him.  Only after the dealer is captured does Jonathan reveal that God didn’t do Mark any favors.  Mark just got lucky.

Mark’s earned a break!  He and Jonathan drive off to another one of those small towns that always seem to show up on this show.  They rent a cabin for a few days.  However, Mark’s attempts at relaxation are continually interrupted by a dog.  First, the dog runs in front of the car.  Then, the dog somehow shows up at the cabin.  Even though Mark took the dog to a shelter, the dog somehow managed to get out and track Mark down.

Eventually, Mark and Jonathan figure out that they need to follow the dog.  The dog leads off the main road, to an overturned car that is hidden away in the woods.  A father and a son, both badly injured but still alive, are in the car.  Jonathan and Mark are able to rescue them but then they notice that the dog is in the back seat and was apparently killed in the crash.

The camera pans up to the sky and gets lost in the clouds.  Suddenly, the dog’s ghostly form appears and seems to actually wink at the audience, letting us know that the dog may have died but his spirit stayed on Earth long enough to rescue his owners.  (The Larry of the title is the son of the dog’s owner.)

Did this episode make me cry?  You better believe this episode made me cry!  I’m not even a dog person and I was still sobbing at the end of this episode. As I’ve mentioned before, there’s an earnest sincerity at the heart of this show that makes it effective even when it should be silly.  Having the dog appear in the clouds is the type of thing that a lot of shows probably would have screwed up.  In lesser hands, it would have been too heavy-handed and overly sentimental to work.  But, on this show, it does work.  It helps that the dog was cute.

This was a simple episode but sometimes, it’s the simple episodes that work the best.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.19 “Jason’s New Job”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, I continue to torture myself by watching this dumb show.

Episode 1.19 “Jason’s New Job”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 28th, 1999)

Frustrated with always being the one who is accused of screwing things up at the restaurant, Jason decides to get a new job.  That seems a bit petulant on his part, especially when you consider that Jason is the one who is always screwing everything up.  But anyway….

Jason ends up working at a gym.  His job title is Customer Relations.  His actual job is cleaning up after people.  He’s a janitor, basically.  Meanwhile, at the restaurant, Peter hires another waiter, who is also named Jason and who is totally responsible.  He’s so responsible that Peter and Scott start calling him “Super Jason.”

And I’ll say this …. as stupid as this show is and as much as I regret deciding to watch and review it, the Super Jason thing was kind of funny.  Mostly it was funny because the other Jason is such a douchebag that it’s fun to watch him get humiliated.

Anyway, Super Jason “cleans out” the restaurant.  Peter thinks that means that Super Jason is really working hard to keep the place clean but no, actually, Super Jason stole the cash register, the deep fryer, the security cameras, and just about everything else he could get his hands on.  What’s funny is that, even when Peter and Scott are looking at their now empty restaurant, they still keep calling the guy Super Jason.

Suddenly, a food critic shows up.  She’s not amused when she’s told that she can’t have what she wants because the kitchen has been cleaned out.  She’s going to give the restaurant a bad review!  Oh no!  Oh wait, there’s Ordinary Jason with a plate of food.  He saves the day by making her order.  How does he do that when there’s no supplies left in the restaurant?  Who knows?

Meanwhile, Murray and Tracy are convinced that they (and Stads) have been cursed with bad luck.  They convince Stads to put on a bird costume and dance on the beach.  A guy who likes Stads sees Stads doing it and cancels their date.  Stads is like, “My friends betrayed me!”  Seriously, when did lifeguards get so whiny?

This episode was pretty stupid, if slightly (and just slightly) more amusing than the typical episode of Malibu, CA.  As I watched, I thought about the show’s pilot, in which both Jason and Scott were sociopathic, Peter was a cool surfing legend, Stads was the tomboy lifeguard, Murray was crazy, and Samantha was the girl that Jason and Scott were both in love with.  The pilot introduced us to the principal of the high school and suggested that she and Peter were in love with each other.  Now, 19 episodes in, Scott is the responsible one while Jason is an immature douchebag.  Peter is now a dorky restaurant owner.  Stads is whiny.  Samantha is so bland that it’s easy to forget that she’s on the show.  Neither the high school nor the principal have been seen since the pilot.  And Murray and Tracy are probably the only redeeming things about this show, if just because Brandon Brooks and Priscilla Inga Taylor really throw themselves into playing those ludicrous characters.

Next week …. oh, who cares?  It’ll be dumb whatever it is.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.23 “The Bargain”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, a woman gets more than she bargained for when she gives it all up for love.

Episode 2.23 “The Bargain”

(Dir by Tom Noonan, originally aired on May 27th, 1990)

Sarah (Kim Greist) is a lonely woman who owns a used bookstore and who is in love with the man who appears to be her only customer, Joe (Kevin Geer).  Joe is a TV repairman and he presents himself as being a typical blue collar guy, except for the fact that he’s always buying books of romantic poetry.  He claims that they’re for a friend.  Sarah recites a French poem for him.  “I don’t speak French,” Joe replies.

Sarah feels that she’s too shy and plain to ever catch Joe’s eye.  But then, while looking through an old magazine, she comes across an advertisement for a mask that will make all of her dreams come true.  On a lark, Sarah calls the number.  Soon, a horribly scarred woman named Carmen (Sharon Sharth) comes to the store.  Carmen gives Sarah a mask but she says that there’s a price.  First off, by putting on the mask, Sarah will be agreeing to give up all of her books to Carmen.  Secondly, Sarah must never remove the mask.  Sarah agrees.

The mask does make Sarah beautiful.  Now going by the name of Mandy, she turns her empty bookstore into a video store.  When Joe comes in, Mandy flirts with him but it turns out that Joe is angry about the bookstore going away and also, he was in love with Sarah.  Mandy protests that she is Sarah, just for Carmen to show up with Sarah’s old face.  Carmen has assumed Sarah’s identity and Joe is now in love with her.  Desperate to prove her actual identity, the real Sarah rips off her mask, leaving her face just as disfigured as Carmen’s used to be.

As Sarah cries, Carmen tells her that the only she can ever fix her face is by selling the mask to someone else….

Featuring three strong performances and a storyline that’s a bit more nuanced than usual for this show, this is a pretty good episode of Monsters.  Interestingly enough, it was directed by actor Tom Noonan, who has played a number of villains over the course of his career, including the memorable killer from Manhunter, in which he co-starred with Kim Greist.  (Kevin Geer actually looks enough like Noonan that, at first, I thought Tom Noonan was pulling double duty as both director and star.)  Noonan directs the episode like a particularly fast-paced play, emphasizing character and location over easy shocks.  Not only do the characters seem real but so does Sarah’s beloved bookstore.  The twist at the end is effective, even if it is a bit predictable.

Next week, we finish up season 2 of Monsters!

 

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.6 “Chef’s Special/Beginning Anew/Kleinschmidt”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Set sail for adventure, your mind on a new romance!

Episode 5.6 “Chef’s Special/Beginning Anew/Kleinschmidt”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on October 7th, 1981)

As the passengers board the boat and prepare to set sail, Isaac and Vicki can’t help but notice Gertrude Turner (Trish Noble) and Kurt Kleinschmidt (Siegfried van Kapelhoff).  Gertrude is rich, single, and wearing a very valuable ring.  Kleinschmidt is a German insurance agent who Gertrude has hired to guard her jewelry, though she later reveals that she’s not really that worried about her jewels but instead, she just enjoys Kleinschmidt’s company.

“That man looks just like Doctor Bricker!” Isaac says.

And yes, it must be said that, despite his thick German accent, Siegfried van Kapelhoff, the actor playing Kleinschmidt, does indeed look a lot like Bernie Kopell, the actor who played Doc Bricker.  They’re both tall, thin, in their early 40s, and they even have the same hair color and bone structure.  What are the chances of that happening?  I mean, seriously….

Wait a minute….

THAT’S NOT SIEGFRIED VAN KAPELHOFF AT ALL!

Just as Gavin MacLeod used to do whenever one of Stubing’s brothers boarded the boat, this episode finds Bernie Kopell playing two roles.  Not only does he play Doc Bricker but he also play Kleinschmidt.  And yes, there is a scene where Kleinschmidt talks to Doc Bricker.  It’s done via split screen and it’s not at all convincing.  Bricker doesn’t even appear to be looking at Kleinschmidt while talking to him.

Gertrude’s ring does vanish at one point, which leads to Kleinschmidt interrogating the crew and eventually attempting to arrest Gopher.  Of course, the truth of the matter is that Gertrude herself hid the ring so that Kleinschmidt would stay on the boat with her.  (Kleinschmidt, feeling insecure about his detective abilities, was originally planning on flying home as soon as the boat docked in Mexico.)  When Stubing learns that Gertrude faked the robbery, he is surprisingly understanding, despite the fact that doing so led to Kleinschmidt harassing his entire crew.  I’m not sure that I really bought Stubing’s reaction but maybe he just thought Kleinschmidt was Doc in disguise.

The Kleinschmidt story was far more amusing than it really had any right being.  That was almost totally due to Bernie Kopell, who seemed to really enjoy the chance to play such an over-the-top character.  Kleinschmidt was definitely a bit cartoonish but Kopell’s likability went a long way towards making the character’s stupidity not just tolerable but also kind of sweet.

While all that’s going on, the Love Boat’s chef (Jay Johnson) gets upset when a new chef (Leslie Easterbrook) is hired to work in the kitchen with him.  This storyline requires the audience to believe that 1) no one would bother to warn the original chef that he’s getting a new colleague and 2) that the new chef would risk ruining her reputation just to avoid hurting her predecessor’s feelings.  The less said about this story the better.

Finally, Jenny Langley (Joan Fontaine) boards the cruise and is stunned to see that her former lover, Stan Ellis (Richard Basehart), is on the boat.  Jenny and Stan haven’t seen each other since the end of World War II.  Now, Stan is a widower who has been in a wheelchair ever since the car accident that killed his wife.  Jenny tries to help Stan come out of his shell and find the courage to embrace life.  Stan is resistant but finally comes around.  But when Stan asks Jenny to marry him, Jenny refuses.  Jenny is going blind.  Stan, however, doesn’t care about that.  And, also …. Stan can walk!  It turns out that his paralysis was just psychosomatic.

This storyline was one that I probably would have liked better if I hadn’t found myself thinking about my Dad whenever Stan was onscreen.  (Before he died, my Dad was also in a wheelchair as the result of a traffic accident.)  I will say that Joan Fontaine is wonderful in her role.  This storyline was handled well but right now, the pain of losing my Dad is still too fresh for me to have really enjoyed it.  That said, Fontaine and Basehart were old pros at this type of melodrama and this storyline had a lot to offer fans of old school romance.  This was definitely a storyline for the TCM crowd and I mean that as a compliment!

With two stories that worked and a third one that wasn’t too much of a distraction, this was a worthwhile cruise.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.19 “The Eighth Seal”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Mitch gets possessed!

Episode 2.19 “The Eighth Seal”

(Dir by Jon Cassar, originally aired on April 26th, 1997)

Twice, Mitch saves a young girl named Jenny (Esme Ganz) from jumping off a bridge.  When Mitch discovers the Jenny’s adoptive parents don’t seem to care whether she lives or dies, he brings her back to his house and lets her stay the night while he tries to figure out what to do about her.

What Mitch doesn’t know is that Jenny is possessed by a demon named Teddy.  When Mitch does discover that Jenny is housing a denizen of the damned, he does the worst possible thing that one can do in that situation.  He pulls a Karras and allows the demon to enter him.  Now, Mitch is possessed.  Can Daimont and Ryan get the demon out of Mitch or will Mitch have to run in front of truck in order to knock Teddy out of him?

Believe it or not, Mitch does the latter.  He runs in front of a truck!  The truck hits him and sends Mitch falling backwards.  Mitch is out cold.  While Ryan and Daimont try to revive him, Mitch’s spirit is visited by Stephanie Holden (Alexandra Paul).  Though this was Stephanie’s first (and only) appearance on Baywatch Nights, she was a prominent member of the Baywatch ensemble for several seasons.  Her character, who was always implied to have feelings for Mitch, was eventually killed off.  Stephanie’s spirit appears and yes, she is wearing the red Baywatch swimsuit.  And while it’s actually a pretty sweet scene as Stephanie tells Mitch that it’s not his time to die, it’s hard not to smile at the fact that Stephanie is apparently still a lifeguard in the afterlife.  It’s like she went to Heaven and said, “Give me the reddest and tightest one-piece that you have.”

Things end happily.  Mitch is no longer possessed.  Jenny is no longer possessed.  Jenny’s adoptive parents are consumed in Hellfire but that’s okay because they sucked.  And, for once, the viewer is happy as well because this is actually a pretty good episode of Baywatch Nights.  Seriously, you have not lived until you’ve seen David Hasselhoff pretend to be possessed by a demon.  Beyond that, though, his reunion with Stephanie was actually pretty poignant, red swimsuit and all.  If nothing else, it gave Mitch a chance to say goodbye to Stephanie, which was something he never really got to do in Baywatch.

Speaking of Baywatch, do you think Mitch went to his day job and told all the lifeguards, “Hey, you won’t believe what happened to me this weekend!”  Probably not.  I don’t know if I’d want to work with someone who had a history of getting possessed by demons.  That may just be me, though.

 

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.18 “Sitting Duck/Sweet Suzi Swann”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

Smiles, everyone!

Episode 5.18 “Sitting Duck/Sweet Suzi Swann”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on March 6th, 1982)

Once again, Julie is not involved in either of this week’s fantasies.  At the start of the episode, Roarke tells Tattoo that Julie has been trying to help a guest whose fantasy was to introduce “women’s lib” to cavemen.  A woman then runs by while being chased by a caveman.  Apparently, the fantasy did not go well.  I’m a bit worried that Julie might lose her job because none of the fantasies that she’s involved with ever seem to go well.

As for this week’s guests, Chuck Conners shows up as Frank Barton.  Barton is a big-game hunter.  He has hunted and conquered almost every type of animal.  Now, he wants to hunt the most dangerous animal of all …. okay, okay, you’ve heard all this before.  This is not the first time that Fantasy Island has looked to The Most Dangerous Game for inspiration.  However, this is the first time that the show has featured a hunter who specifically wants to stalk Mr. Roarke.

It’s a bit of an odd fantasy, though.  Frank doesn’t want to chase Mr. Roarke through the forest or anything like that.  Instead, Frank just wants to plant booby traps around the Island.  If Mr. Roarke survives 24 hours, he’ll be fee to set a few traps of his own.  Roarke agrees, explaining to Tattoo that, if Frank doesn’t come after him then he’ll go after someone else.  Roarke is doing the world a favor by distracting Frank.

Frank tries, he really does.  He tries poison.  He tries explosives.  Even though Mr. Roarke agrees not to use any of his “special powers,” he always manages to stay a step or two ahead of Frank.  Finally, Frank kidnaps Tattoo and that’s when Mr. Roarke says enough of this.  If you’ve ever wanted to see Mr. Roarke beat up a guest, this is the episode for you.  Frank ends up leaving the Island in the custody of two burly men who are apparently going to check him into a mental hospital.  Frank got his fantasy but it didn’t turn out well for him.  At least he wasn’t trying to reason with cavemen….

Meanwhile, Suzi Swann (Helen Reddy) comes to the Island with her boss, fashion designer Jack Becker (George Maharis).  Suzi is in love with Jack but Jack takes her for granted.  Suzi’s fantasy is to fall out of love with him and …. wait a minute!  Didn’t Helen Reddy sing “I am Woman?”  Why is the show wasting her time with this fantasy when they could have cast her as the guest who wanted to teach the cavemen about equality?  If they had done that, Julie could have worked with Helen Reddy and Roarke and Tattoo would have been free to concentrate on Frank and his homicidal fantasy!  I mean, I think it was a mistake to give Roarke two assistants for this season but if you’re going to have Julie around, at least let her take part in one of the main fantasies….

Oh well.  Let’s get back to the fantasy that actually did happen.

Roarke gives Suzi some magic gumdrops that were apparently made with special Fantasy Island berries.  The gumdrops make Suzi feel the opposite of whatever she previously felt.  She takes one and immediately announced that she doesn’t like either Roarke or Tattoo.  “You’re short!” Suzi says to Tattoo which …. ugh.  That’s a terrible line, considering that the show has previously always treated Tattoo’s height with a good deal of sensitivity.

Suzi is no longer in love with Jack and instead, she finds herself attracted to the mysterious Claude Duvalle (James Darren).  But the fact that she is no longer willing to be Jack’s doormat leads to Jack realizing that he failed to appreciate her.  Jack falls in love with Suzi and Suzi falls back in love with Jack.

As Suzi and Jack leave together, Tattoo suggests that Rorake failed to give Suzi her fantasy.  Roarke explains that Suzi fell out of love with the old Jack but then she fell in love with the new Jack so actually, he totally succeeded.  Uhm….whatever you say, Mr. Roarke.

Roarke then takes a magic gumball and tells Tattoo, “I don’t like you.”

AGCK!  But actually, the gumball makes its user for the opposite of what they actually feel so Mr. Roarke actually does like Tattoo!  Awwww!  I’m glad that’s cleared up.

I enjoyed this episode.  Much like last week’s episode it felt like a throwback to the first two seasons of Fantasy Island.  Neither fantasy really made much sense but both Roarke and Tattoo got to do a lot and that really made all the difference.  Fantasy Island always works best when Roarke and Tattoo are more than just bystanders.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.21 “CHP BMX”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Ponch saves us all.

Episode 2.21 “CHP BMX”

(Dir by John Florea, originally aired on March 3rd, 1979)

The California Highway Patrol is sponsoring a BMX racing team!  Sindy and Baker are the coaches while Ponch is …. well, Ponch is mostly just hanging out.  He does find time to flirt with Ms. Ramirez (Mina Vasquez), a teacher who hopes that joining the team could help out an at-risk student named Danny (Kirk Calloway).  Danny likes to vandalize things.  He’s on his way to juvie if Ponch can’t reach him …. hey, you know the drill.  By this point, we all know how this show works.  Of course, Ponch is going to reach the kid.  With that dazzling smile, Ponch can do anything.

It’s Getraer who has the most to deal with during this episode.  After his son is struck by a car, Getraer becomes so distracted on the job that he messes up the arrest of a drug dealer (Henry Olek).  Told by his superiors to take a week off while his son recovers, Getraer instead starts to tail the dealer on his own.  Getraer is determined to put the man in jail.  Fortunately, Ponch is there to help catch him.  Is there nothing that Ponch can’t do?

Seriously, when I watch an episode like this, I can understand why Larry Wilcox apparently did not enjoy working with Erik Estrada on this show.  While Baker humbly does his job without asking for any special recognition, Ponch is portrayed as being so perfect that you half-expect him to start walking on water.  The theme of this episode — and really, the theme of much of the second season — has been that Ponch can ultimately do no wrong.  Even when it looks like Ponch has screwed up, he ultimately turns out to be infallible.  He’s more than just a member of the California Highway Patrol.  He’s St. Ponch of Los Angeles, saving souls while riding his motorcycle amongst the heathens.

It probably sounds like I’m being critical of this episode but I actually enjoyed it, for much the same reason that I enjoy most episodes of CHiPs.  The car and motorcycle stunts were spectacularly filmed and the scenery was nice to look at.  Even though it rains through a good deal of this episode and Getraer, Baker, and Ponch aren’t exactly hanging out in the most glamorous sections of Los Angeles, this episode still manages to make L.A. look like the loveliest city in the world.

And really, even Erik Estrada is entertaining.  It’s easy to laugh at his big smile and his less-than-subtle acting technique but that’s just Estrada being Estrada and, in the world of CHiPs, it works.

The important thing is that everything works out.  Danny wins his race.  Getraer’s son gets out of the hospital.  And maybe Baker will get to do something more than smile at Ponch next week.  We’ll see!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.8 “Better Living Through Chemistry”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Tubbs’s cover is blown …. again.

Episode 3.8 “Better Living Through Chemistry”

(Dir by Leon Ichaso, originally aired on November 14th, 1986)

While working undercover as Ricardo Cooper (and yes, I’m pretty sure I heard the fake Caribbean accent at the start of this episode), Tubbs is stunned to discover that his former partner from New York, Clarence Batisse (Victor Love), is now working as a DJ at a club owned by a local drug lord.

Tubbs is even more shocked when Clarence announces to the entire club that “Ricardo Cooper” is actually an undercover cop.

Somehow, and it’s not really made clear how, Tubbs is able to escape the club without getting shot.  Sonny also somehow manages to convince the drug dealers that he didn’t know that Tubbs was actually a cop.  So, Sonny “Burnett” continues to play his part in the undercover operation while Tubbs tries to figure out why Clarence blew his cover.

Clarence is bitter.  His career with the NYPD came crashing down when he shot a bookie during a raid.  Clarence claimed the bookie had a gun but the gun was never found.  Tubbs didn’t see the gun and refused to lie for his partner.  However, when Tubbs realizes that Clarence has been reduce to working for a drug lord, he sets about to try to clear Clarence’s name.

Meanwhile, informant Izzy (Martin Ferrero) has been hired to babysit the drug lord’s chemist, nerdy Henry Luna (Nelson Villamor).  Luna has developed cocaine that is so pure that most people can’t even survive doing one hit.  The Vice squad know that, if the cocaine hits the streets, it will lead to a gang war.  But then Luna does a hit of his own cocaine and falls over dead.

Tubbs does manage to clear Clarence’s name but it doesn’t matter.  Clarence has gone so far over to the dark side that he sets up Tubbs and Crockett to be attacked in a surprise raid.  Tubbs and Crockett kill the bad guys and, at the end of the episode, Tubbs takes Clarence into custody.  A good cop has gone very bad….

This was a weird episode.  It was technically a Tubbs episode but it seemed like the majority of the running time was taken up with Izzy babysitting the chemist.  Izzy is one of those supporting characters who works best in small amounts.  Building almost an entire episode around him just serves to highlight that there’s really not much depth to Izzy as a character.  He’s cowardly and he talks a lot.  It’s funny until it isn’t, which is another way of saying that it gets old after ten minutes.  The comedy of Izzy and the Chermist didn’t really fit in with the scenes of Tubbs trying to clear his former partner’s name.  The tone of the episode was all over the place, making this a rare Miami Vice episode that didn’t seem to know what it wanted to be.

On the plus side, the drug lord owned a club that was full of motorcycles and where Peter Gabriel’s Sledgehammer was the most popular song.  There was one very exciting shoot-out at the club.  That was a good thing.  Otherwise, this was Miami Vice at its least effective.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi High 1.1 and 1.2 “A New Start”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1989 to 1991!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, Degrassi Junior High becomes Degrassi High!

Episode 1.1 and 1.2 “A New Start”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on November 6th, 1989)

It’s a new school year and, due to the Junior High burning down, all of the Degrassi kids are enrolling at Degrassi High!  Along with finally getting to go to a new school, they also finally get a new theme song and title sequence.

Just going to a new school isn’t going to stop the drama, of course.  Joey is still trying to make the Zit Remedy into something more than a mediocre garage band.  Snake and Wheels are still politely listening to Joey’s plans.  Caitlin and Joey are now dating but there’s a smarmy junior named Claude Tanner (David Armin-Parcells) who really seems to appreciate the blonde streaks in Caitlin’s hair.  (Caitlin, it should be noted, does have the best hair in the school.)  Arthur and Yick Yu, who both appear to have had major growth spurts over the summer, are growing apart.  Alexa is not happy when Simon’s recent success as a male model makes him popular with all of the other girls at the Degrassi High.  For neither the first nor the last time, Alexa dramatically gives Simon back his ring while Simon responds with genuine confusion.  We even meet the new homeroom teacher, who assigns the students to read Lord of the Flies.  (If you’ve seen the entire series, including the sequels to the original Degrassi High, it’s hard not to smile at the first of many references to Lord of the Flies.)

Dwayne Meyers (Darrin Brown), the bully who beat Joey up during the second season of Degrassi Junior High, is now attending high school and, as soon as he sees the new students, he decides that it’s time to bring back initiations.  Soon, students are getting covered in white paste, tied to flag poles, and being otherwise ritually humiliated.  Dwayne especially has it out for Joey.  Unfortunately, for Joey, Mr. Raditch has found a new job as DHS’s vice principal and he doesn’t have much sympathy for Joey’s predicament.

That said, the main storyline here involves the Farrell Twins.  I have to admit that I groaned a bit when I discovered this was going to be a Farrell Twin episode because the twins were always the weakest characters on Degrassi Junior High.  However, I have to say that Angela and Maureen Deiseach actually did a pretty good job in this episode.  Erica Farrell (Angela Deiseach), having lost her virginity at camp over the summer, discovers that she’s pregnant and considers getting an abortion.  Her twin sister, Heather (Maureen Deiseach), is opposed to abortion and, at first, refuses to go with Erica to the clinic.  After talking to Spike, who also opposes abortion but who, as a single mother, also understands Erica’s fear, Heather finally shows up at the clinic to support her sister as she walks through a throng of protestors.

Eventually, unwanted pregnancies would occur so frequently on Degrassi that they would become something of a cliche, as would the inevitable decision to get an abortion.  A New Start is one of the better pregnancy episodes, handling the storyline with sensitivity but also bringing nuance to its portrayal of the abortion debate.  Especially when compared to how heavy-handed the show would get in its final seasons, it’s really interesting to see how intelligently and respectfully both the pro-life and the pro-choice positions are presented in this episode.  The episode makes clear that there are no easy answers and there’s also no easy villains, which is something that Degrassi itself would forget during it’s four seasons on Netflix.  As Erica and Heather enter the clinic, a protestor holds up a plastic fetus, an image that was considered to be so controversial that PBS actually censored it when this episode aired in America.

(At least this episode actually made it to America, albeit in edited form.  The next Degrassi pregnancy episode would sit unaired for three years.)

It’s not a great way for the Farrell twins to start the school year but it’s proof that, even as Degrassi Junior High becomes Degrassi High, it will continue to “go there.”