Tony’s Family”

Posted on April 19, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time to give thanks as the Love Boat sets sail for another holiday adventure!

Episode 2.10 “Man of the Cloth / Her Own Two Feet / Tony’s Family”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on November 17th, 1978)

It’s time for the big Thanksgiving cruise and love is in the air!

Unfortunately, the ship’s chief engineer calls in sick the day of the cruise. The ship can’t sail without a chief engineer! Rather than cancel the cruise, Captain Stubing decides that assistant engineer Tony Santini (Larry Storch) will just have to give up his Thanksgiving and work on the cruise. Needless to say, Tony is not happy about this. As he explains to Gopher and Julie, his entire family is in town and he was planning on spending his holiday with them. Julie comes up with a brilliant idea! Maybe Tony’s family could secretly take the cruise with Tony. They can just sneak on board and remember to stay away from the captain. Tony agrees. Of course, it then turns out that Tony has a gigantic family. Along with his wife and his children, he is also accompanied by his parents, neither of whom speak English. His parents bring a chicken with them.

The crew goes out of their way to keep the Captain from discovering the stowaways but, eventually, the chicken gets loose and Stubing figures out what is going on. The entire crew — including the Captain — volunteers to pay for the family’s tickets but Tony announces that he doesn’t take charity. He’ll figure out a way to pay the bill.

While that’s going on, Rev. Gerald Whitney (Peter Graves) is excited to find love on the cruise. The only problem is that the woman who he’s fallen in love with (Roz Kelley) is also a stripper! Rev. Whitney doesn’t care but unfortunately, Barbara Sharp (Vivian Blane) does. Barbara just happens to be a member of Whitney’s church and she is shocked to see the reverend and the stripper together on the cruise. Barbara gets so judgmental that her husband, Phil (Alan Young), threatens to divorce her. Barbara and Phil finally have a heart-to-heart talk in the casino. Barbara agrees to stop being so judgmental. Phil agrees to stop gambling as soon as he puts his last silver dollar in the ship’s slot machine. That silver dollar was given to him by one Tony’s kids and when the slot machine pays off, Phil and Barbara give all of the money to Tony’s family. Yay! Now Tony can pay for the cruise.

(I guess the lesson here is that, if you’re going to be a stowaway, make sure the ship has a casino.)

Finally, Bert (Van Johnson) and his wife, Audrey (June Allyson), are having to adjust to life now that Audrey has gone blind. Fortunately, Doc Bricker takes a break from hitting on every woman on the boat and gives them some words of encouragement. Soon, Bert is no longer lying about Audrey’s condition and Audrey is using her cane and learning how to read braille.

This episode felt a bit weird. Obviously, the most interesting story was the reverend falling in love with a stripper but the show itself devoted more energy to Tony and his family and Phil gambling. To be honest, with the amount of time that Phil spent in the casino, he came across like he might have a problem. Hopefully, he went straight from the cruise to Gamblers Anonymous. The guest stars themselves just seemed to be going through the motions and the end result was a fairly forgettable Thanksgiving.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/9/23 — 4/15/23

Posted on April 15, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

This week, Janine’s mom (Taraji P. Henson) made an appearance, hoping that she could get Janine to pay her phone bill. This was a really touching and very emotional episode. Sheryl Lee Ralph was especially moving as Barbara tried to save Janine from being taken advantage of by her mother. While that was going on, Gregory struggled to improve his people skills and Jacob amazed everyone with his magic tricks. “The magic doesn’t work if you lie, Melissa!”

Accused (Tuesday Night, FOX)

This week’s episode was a nicely melodramatic one, in which an angry man tried to frame his ex-wife as a drug smuggler. To be honest, it was kind of a silly episode but it was so over-the-top that it was still enjoyable.

American Idol (Sunday and Monday Night, FOX)

Not surprisingly, I wasn’t really that happy with the Top 24. Many of the singers seemed to be a bit generic and, after all the suffering he went through to just make it through Hollywood Week, Aden was eliminated. I was happy that Nutsa made the top 24. She’s a force of chaos so I hope she wins but I fear that the show’s efforts to turn her into Hollywood Week’s villain will lead to the voters punishing her.

Farmer Wants A Wife (Wednesday Night, FOX)

I was cleaning around the house while watching this week’s episode so I have to admit that I wasn’t paying the show 100% attention. That said, the farmers still do not have wives.

Half Nelson (YouTube)

I wrote about this week’s episode here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about this week’s episode here!

The Masters (Sunday Afternoon, CBS)

“Lisa Marie,” so many people said to me on Easter, “you’re watching golf?”

You better believe I was watching golf! Seriously, the golf course was very relaxing to look at and I enjoyed the restrained applause of all the people watching the game. Later that night, while rest of my family was enjoying the danger of NASCAR, I was remembering the calming day on the golf course. As for who won the game …. well, to be honest, I don’t know who any of the golfers are, outside of Tiger Woods (who dropped out by the final round of the Masters) and that guy that Necromoonyeti doesn’t like. But no matter! I’m happy for whoever it was that won.

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

Dan had a chance to become a billionaire by investing in a new tech company. Abbi ruined it for everyone. Oh, Abbi! Seriously, I like Melissa Rauch and I think she does about as good as anyone could with the character but, at some point, I’m going to start wondering why everyone puts up with Abbi continually screwing up their lives.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about this week’s episode here! Where is Jeff Probst always trying to be so nice nowadays? It’s weird.

Yellowjackets (Sunday Night, Showtime)

Now, I not only have to worry about the new dog but I also have to worry about Elijah Wood! I swear, I may never recover from the anxiety that this show brings me.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.9 “Till Death Do Us Part–Maybe / Locked Away / Chubs”

Posted on April 12, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time for another cruise!

Episode 2.9 “Till Death Do Us Part–Maybe / Locked Away / Chubs”

(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on November 11th, 1978)

The Love Boat is haunted!

Well, no, not really. Instead, one of the passengers is haunted. Ellen Garner (Vernee Watson) is having a difficult time getting over the death of her husband, Mickey (Jimmie Walker, who also appeared on the very first episode of The Love Boat, though as a different character). It’s been two years since Mickey died and Ellen still has not been able to move on. Some of that might be because Mickey’s ghost is still following Ellen around. Only Ellen can see and hear Mickey. This leads to a lot of scenes of her arguing with Mickey while everyone standing around her assumes that she’s talking to herself.

(To be honest, I think most people would be made nervous by a woman who spent the entire cruise loudly arguing with herself but the passengers and the crew of The Love Boat are oddly unconcerned. It was the 70s so I assume everyone just assumed it was due to the cocaine.)

Mickey wants Ellen to move on and he pressures her to find a new husband on the cruise. In fact, Mickey thinks that Ellen should spend some time with Greg Elkins (Greg Morris), who is handsome, polite and wealthy. At first, Ellen resists Mickey’s attempts to push them together but finally, she gives in. Suddenly, Mickey starts to get jealous. By the end of the cruise, though, Mickey is at peace with Ellen moving on and Ellen accepts Greg’s marriage proposal. Mickey tries to congratulate Ellen, just to discover that she can no longer see or hear him. Mickey vanishes into thin air, giving this otherwise frothy story a somewhat bittersweet aftertaste.

Whether you were being haunted or not, would you get married after only knowing someone for a week? I know that there are reality shows built around this very idea but still, I have to wonder how many of these spontaneous Love Boat marriages ended in divorce. Speaking of divorce….

Also on the cruise is a young married couple, Linda (a young Jamie Lee Curtis, looking relieved to not have to deal with Michael Myers or any other knife-wielding madmen) and Wayne (Peter Coffield). Linda and Wayne are on the verge of divorce. Ever since her parents, Les and Gail (Conrad Bain and Curtis’s real-life mother, Janet Leigh), acrimoniously split up, Linda hasn’t believed in love. Linda and Wayne spend most of the cruise fighting, though it’s never quite clear what they’re fighting about. What they don’t know is that Les and Gail are on the cruise as well. Les and Gail came to the ship to see their daughter off and then, as they tried to exit, they accidentally got locked in an unused cabin. Trapped together and subsisting only on peanuts, water, and stowaway sex, Les and Gail discover that they are still in love and they agree to get married for a second time. At the end of the cruise, everyone is reunited and, seeing that her parents are going to give marriage another shot, Linda agrees to give Wayne another shot. Awwwww!

(Again, it should be kept in mind that Les and Gail fell back in love because they literally didn’t have anything else to do. They were trapped in cabin for several days! Will their rekindled love continue once they have to deal with each other in the real world? Considering how much they hated each other before getting trapped, it’s easy to be pessimistic. Can you imagine how Linda will feel if her parents get married a second time just to then get a second divorce? Then again, this is The Love Boat. Perhaps the whole point is not to give it too much thought….)

Finally, Gopher is super excited that his sister will be celebrating her 18th birthday on the cruise! However, Gopher is shocked and horrified to discover that Jennifer (Melissa Sue Anderson) has grown up and now has every guy on the ship hitting on her. Gopher asks Doc Bricker to look after her, which is an odd request given that Doc is a walking HR nightmare. That said, for once, Doc tries to do the right thing. However, Jennifer is eager to lose her virginity and she’s decided that Doc would be the perfect man to which to lose it….

Really? Out of all the guys on that cruise, you’re going to pick Doc?

Stories in which Doc is portrayed as being a legendary lover are always a bit strange because Doc was played be Bernie Kopell, a likable actor who gave off suburban Dad vibes as opposed to international playboy vibes. Kopell, Anderson, and the usually underused Fred Grandy all give likable performances in this storyline but it’s still just odd to think that Jennifer has apparently spent years dreaming about Doc Bricker.

It’s also strange that Captain Stubing mentions that it’s been years since he last saw Gopher’s sister. The previous season established that Captain Stubing had just recently been assigned to the boat and that he was still getting to know the crew. So, either several years passed between the first and the second season or someone in the writer’s room wasn’t paying attention to continuity. Then again, I imagine that continuity wasn’t as big a concern in the days before the Internet. Even if someone did notice the mistake, who would they tell?

This episode was a fairly entertaining one. Janet Leigh and Conrad Bain were definitely the highlight of this episode and it was fun to watch Leigh and Curtis acting opposite of each other. (That said, you just know the show’s producers probably tried to convince Tony Curtis to play Janet Leigh’s ex-husband before they asked Bain.) The ghost subplot had a few funny moments and Gopher finally got to do something. All in all, it was a pleasant cruise on the Love Boat.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/2/23 — 4/8/23

Posted on April 8, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

Gregory is teacher of the year, even though he himself doesn’t understand why. This was an enjoyable episode and a nice relief from all of that heavy-handed charter school nonsense. (Just from the lack of in-depth interaction between Gregory and Janine, I got the feeling that this episode may have originally been meant to air earlier in the season.) The parent/teacher conference storyline was surprisingly poignant and Janine’s response to being called a bad teacher was perfectly handled.

Accused (Tuesday Night, Fox)

This week’s episode was actually pretty well-done and a definite improvement over the last few episodes. That said, I didn’t buy the ending. The jury may have sympathized with Jiro but he still basically admitted to committing the crime. Juries usually aren’t that compassionate. That said, we didn’t actually see the verdict being read so maybe Jiro got a hung jury as opposed to an actual acquittal. I could buy the idea of one or two members of the jury refusing to convict far more easily than the idea that the entire jury was like, “Let’s just do it and be legends!”

American Idol (Sunday and Monday Night, ABC)

It’s Hollywood week! At one point, Katy Perry announced that three people were going through, despite giving a subpar performance, because of their compassionate nature and their good attitudes. Like what does that have to do with singing? Where’s Simon Cowell when you need him?

I hope Nutsa wins it all.

The English (Prime)

This was an excellent western miniseries, starring Emily Blunt and Chaske Spencer. The story was intriguing, the performances were captivating, and the visuals had a wonderfully surreal grandeur to them. Watch this one if you haven’t already. (I will probably be writing and posting a longer review later this month.)

Farmer Wants A Wife (Wednesday Night, Fox)

Woo hoo! Demolition derby! “You’re actually watching this?” my sister Melissa asked me this week. Of course, I am! It’s an adorable show, even if it does tend to go a little heavy on the rural stereotypes. Still, Farmer Wants A Wife feels more much sincere and heartfelt than the just-completed season of The Bachelor.

5 Days At Memorial (Apple TV+)

What a devastating miniseries! I was left emotionally drained by the end of it. As good as Vera Farmiga was in the lead role, Andrew Pine was just as strong as one of the few doctors willing to criticize her actions.

Half Nelson (YouTube)

I reviewed this week’s episode of Half Nelson here!

It’s The Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown (Apple TV+)

Erin and I watched this on Wednesday. Read her thoughts on it!

Jail (Tuesday Evening, Reelz)

A sex worker was arrested for public intoxication and refused to give her name to the arresting officer. She was tossed in a holding cell. Another prisoner threatened to kill himself so he was tossed in a padded cell. Personally, I would have just let them all go. The people who worked at the jail were all stocky and bald and tended to speak extremely slowly. The existence of this show is probably something that will be used against humanity in the future.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

On this week’s episode, a young woman died of an untreated infection which was the result of being branded. The branding was a requirement for being a member of the Lodestar Cult. (“Lone Star?” dumb ol’ Cosgrove said, as he misread the brand, “You mean Texas?” Get over it, New York.) Lodestar was obviously based on NXIVM. When the leader of the cult was killed in prison, Price initially wanted to go after his second-in-command, despite having offered her a deal earlier in return for her testimony. In the end, he honored the plea agreement.

The best thing about this episode is that Maroun spent the entire Order half of the show rolling her eyes at Price and basically telling him that he was screwing up the case. This is quite a chance from the way that Maroun was portrayed last season and for most of this season. I prefer the free-thinking Maroun to the one who just blindly went along with whatever Price wanted. I also prefer the vengeful, eye-for-an-eye Maroun to the mousy bleeding heart that she used to be.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

The New Wave Theatre (YouTube)

I watched an episode of this public access music show on Saturday morning. It was from the very early 80s and it featured four punk bands that I had previously never heard of. The music wasn’t really my taste but I did enjoy the episode as a time capsule.

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

Abbi went to a snobby club to try to convince the District Attorney to pursue judicial reform. It turns out that the D.A. was just trying to get Abbi to say something stupid so that he could use it against her. This episode would have been better if Abbi’s ideas for judicial reform had been something more than just shallow platitudes. As it is, Abbi is still way too naïve to be a believable judge (especially a New York City judge) and John Larroquette is practically the only member of the supporting cast who is the least bit interesting.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

I watched two episodes on Friday night. The first was about 80s dance music. The second was about Talking Heads. The music was great!

Poker Face (Peacock)

I finished up the first season of Poker Face this week and seriously, I can’t believe that I was ever hesitant to watch this show. The guest stars are great, the plots are both amusing and poingant, and Natasha Lyonne is wonderful in the lead role. (I love that Charlie changes jobs from episode to episode but she always manages to be a consistently terrible employee.) I can’t wait for the second season!

Saved By The Bell: The New Class (YouTube)

It’s amazing to me that the original Saved By The Bell can be found basically everywhere but, unless you want to spend a lot of money on the DVD boxsets, it’s next to impossible to see an episode of Saved By The Bell: The New Class! I grew up with The New Class! I mean sure, it’s awful but still….

On Thursday afternoon, my sister Megan and I did find an episode on YouTube. Ryan Parker (Richard Lee Jackson), the Zack Morris-substitute, wanted to make the wrestling team so that he could get a letter jacket for his girlfriend (Sarah Lancaster). Unfortunately, Ryan wasn’t a very good wrestler and his training methods proved to be dangerous to his health. He learned an important lesson about being happy with being who he was. In our discussion following the episode, Megan pointed out that Ryan never even bothered to ask his girlfriend whether she even wanted the jacket. I replied that it was probably just assumed that she wanted Ryan to make the team because, seriously, why would anyone want to date a loser?

This episode also featured Dustin Diamond, destroying his career by playing Screech Powers long beyond the character’s expiration date. Screech returned to Bayside to act as Mr. Belding’s assistant. Poor Mr. Belding!

Seinfeld (Monday Afternoon, TV Land)

Because his girlfriend had mono, George gave up having sex and suddenly became super intelligent. Elaine stopped having sex with her boyfriend (played by Bob Odenkirk) so that he would be able to concentrate on passing his medical exams. Unfortunately, this led to Elaine becoming dumb. Meanwhile, Jerry kept getting bumped from career day and eventually, David Letterman refused to take his calls. Jerry’s agent was the mother from That 70s Show. It made me laugh!

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about this week’s episode of Survivor here!

Tiny Beautiful Things (Hulu)

I watched the first two episodes on Friday but I really couldn’t get into Hulu’s latest limited series. At this point, I’m kind of bored with shows about dysfunctional people who have addiction issues. The first two episodes of Tiny Beautiful Things just tried too hard and felt a bit too calculated to shock. Even the constant cursing felt like something that would have been daring in 2003 but, in 2023, it just seemed kind of lazy and repetitive. I’ll give it another shot during this upcoming week.

Unsolved Mysteries (Pluto TV)

I watched two episodes on Wednesday. Both of the episodes aired in the 80s so I assume the mysteries have been solved by now. And if they aren’t, they probably never will be.

Yellowjackets (Sunday Night, Showtime)

Oh my God, they ate Jackie! I’m not sure why that surprised me, as I knew the cannibalism was going to start up at some point and, being dead and frozen, Jackie did seem like the most likely meal. Meanwhile, in the present, Callie is going to end up getting her mother thrown in jail if she doesn’t watch the attitude. And I’m still worried about the safety of the new dog. Run, puppy, run!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.8 “A Time for Everything / The Song Is Ended / Accidental Cruise / Anoushka”

Posted on April 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, hearts are broken on a special 90-minute episode of The Love Boat!

Episode 2.8 “A Time for Everything / The Song Is Ended / Accidental Cruise / Anoushka”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on November 4th, 1978)

What a sad episode!

Seriously, this cruise is all about heart break.

For instance, when Russian Commissar Anoushka Mishancov (Loretta Swit) first boards the boat, Doc Bricker is upset when he’s assigned to keep an eye on her. As has been established over the previous 32 episodes, Doc prefers to spend his time talking to women who are about twenty years younger than him and who are from capitalist countries. Anoushka, on the other hand, is a communist (boo!) who, for some reason, is boarding the Pacific Princess so that she can learn about how Americans handle catering. (I said it was weird.) At first, Anoushka is so determined to do her duty that she insists on wearing her uniform at all times.

However, after Anoushka reveals that she does find old Doc Bricker to be a little bit intriguing, Julie tells her that she’s going to have to loosen up if she’s going to capture Doc’s attention. Which, Anoushka does at dinner that night….

Eyes up, Gopher!

Doc does notice Anoushka. In fact, he falls in love with her and, at the end of the cruise, he asks her to marry him! Anoushka confesses to having fallen in love with Doc but then she explains that she also loves her country. (Really? It’s just Russia.) Doc loves America and Anoushka loves Russia and, as a result, they cannot marry. Anouska leaves the ship and a heart-broken Doc looks like he’s actually about to cry. And let’s give credit where credit is due. It’s a really well-acted scene. Doc Bricker has always been a fairly ludicrous character but, in this episode, Bernie Kopell does a good job of suggesting that, even if he is a lecher, Doc Bricker is a lecher with a heart.

While Doc is falling in love with a commie, Captain Stubing is getting to know Vicki (Jill Whelan), the 9 year-old daughter of Captain Stubing’s former lover, the late Georgina (played, in flashbacks, by Melendy Britt). Vicki was originally supposed to travel with her aunt, Delores (Sandra Deel). However, something has come up and Delores will not be able to travel with her. Captain Stubing agrees to look after Vicki and even allows Vicki to stay in his quarters. Over the course of the cruise, Captain Stubing and Vicki bond. Everyone agrees that they have the same eyes. Of course, that’s because Vicki is actually Captain Stubing’s daughter!

Vicki wants to live on the ship but the Captain explains that a cruise ship is not a good place for a nine year-old to grow up. Stubing considers retiring and living on dry land but Doc Bricker reminds Stubing that he would never be happy if he wasn’t on the ocean. Stubing promises that Vicki can return to the boat whenever she has time off from school and he tells her that, when she gets older, she could even “be a cruise director, like Ms. McCoy.”

(In other words, don’t even think of trying to become a captain, girl!)

Now, of course, Vicki did later return to the ship. In fact, she returned just a year later and became a regular during the third season. I guess Captain Stubing decided that going to school on dry land wasn’t that important after all. (We’ll find out when we reach the third season!) That said, even with that in mind, it was undeniably sad to watch as Stubing sat in his cabin and struggled to hold back the tears after Vicki left the ship. Much like Bernie Kopell, Gavin MacLeod gave a surprisingly heartfelt and sincere performance in this episode.

It wasn’t all sadness

Luckily, it wasn’t all heartbreak on this episode. After getting drunk and boarding the boat by mistake, Sandy Beal (Jo Anne Worley) and Victor Marshall (Soupy Sales) fell in love for real. And jingle writer Charlie Godwin (Robert Goulet) ran into his old song-writing partner (Richard Dawson) and the two of them saved Charlie’s marriage to June (Juliet Mills). There were two happy endings but they were overshadowed by all the sadness.

This was a good episode. Even The Love Boat needs a little heartbreak every once and a while.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 3/26/23 — 4/1/23

Posted on April 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s some thoughts on what I watched this week!

Accused (Tuesday Night, FOX)

This week’s episode featured a couple seeking revenge on a white supremacist who drove a car into a protest and who was never punished for his crime. The search for vengeance is usually a compelling topic and the episode had the potential to explore some very interesting ethical issues but, as has been the case for many of Accused‘s more recent episodes, it was all a bit too heavy-handed to really work. It didn’t help that this week’s episode was rather poorly acted by almost everyone involved. A part of me thinks that Accused‘s biggest weakness is its anthology format. Between introducing a new group of characters on a weekly basis and also trying to tell a complex story, Accused often seems as if it’s trying to cram a bit too much into just 45 minutes of runtime.

The Bachelor (Monday Night, ABC)

It’s over, that’s the important thing. It’s hard not to feel that, for all of the drama surrounding sex week, Zach mostly just slept with Gabi because he knew he probably wasn’t ever going to see her again after he dumped her for Kaity. This was a season of The Bachelor that left me feeling just a little bit icky so let us never speak of it again.

Dirty Pair (YouTube)

I watched this 90s anime on Saturday morning. The plot was next to impossible to follow but a lot of things blew up and the theme song was pretty cool.

Farmer Wants A Wife (Wednesday Night, FOX)

Agck! Listen, just because you marry a farmer doesn’t mean that you have to castrate a bull. Seriously, I’ve spent some time on some farms and I’ve seen some bulls and I assume that I’ve met some people who have castrated bulls but it was definitely not something that I needed to know about or be in any way involved with. Just saying.

Five Days At Memorial (Apple TV+)

I started watching this absolutely devastating miniseries on Saturday. I’ve still got one episode left to watch so I’m going to hold off on saying much more about the show until I’ve watched that episode. I will say that Five Days At Memorial, which deals with what happened at a New Orleans hospital in the aftermath of Katrina, features some truly horrific images but it’s not just out to shock the audience. There’s a lot going on beneath the surface and it’s impossible to watch this series without wondering what you would have done if you had found yourself in the same situation as the doctors and the nurses at Memorial Hospital. I’d like to think that I would have refused to abandon my patients. I would also like to think that I would have been the one person willing to stand up to the doctors who had decided to play God. But, in the end, it’s impossible for me to say what I would have done in that situation because I’ve never been in that situation.

Ghosts (Thursday Night, CBS)

Todd, the obnoxious podcaster, returned! Alberta was happy when her great-granddaughter checked into the B&B but Alberta was much less happy when it looked like she might hook up with Todd. This was a sweeet episode. Not only was it nice to watch Alberta discover that her talent had been passed down to her descendants but it’s always enjoyable to watch the ghosts recoil from Todd’s very presence.

Half Nelson (YouTube)

I reviewed Half Nelson here!

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

I enjoyed this week’s episode of Law & Order, mostly because everyone from Cosgrove to Sam to McCoy got a chance to call Price out for being arrogant and self-righteous. Sam is typically such an underwritten character that it was immensely satisfying to watch her shut down Price with an armor-piercing one liner. (It’s just unfortunate that the show left some ambiguity as to whether Sam’s anger was motivated by her ethics or her feelings for Price.) Price definitely did not prove the judge’s guilt beyond a reasonable doubt and I imagine the verdict will get overturned on appeal. To be honest, I kind of suspect that’s what happens with most of the guilty verdicts on this show because some of Price’s legal strategies are seriously unconstitutional.

(No, I don’t know why I’m taking Law & Order so personally. If I can figure out why, I’ll let you know.)

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

I watched it but I don’t remember a thing about it. I do know that I groaned whenever anyone other than Abbi and/or Dan was onscreen.

Poker Face (Peacock)

“Play Staplehead!” I watched the fourth and the fifth episodes of Poker Face this week. After initially being hesitant about the show, I have to say that I’m pretty much hooked now. The fourth episode, with the heavy metal band murdering their drummer so that they could steal a song that he unwittingly stole from an old sitcom, was wonderfully executed.

Saved By The Bell (Wednesday, E!)

E! was doing a Saved By The Bell marathon! I watched the No Hope With Dope episode. I loved how everyone else was talking about celebrities who had died as a result of doing too much cocaine and Jessie immediately started talking about how she was hooked on caffeine pills for a week. Like, I get the feeling Jessie probably brought up that experience a lot and her friends probably got tired of having to listen to her go on about it.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about Survivor here. Poor Matthew! He seemed like a genuinely good guy and my heart broke for him when he talked about how much pain he was in. That said, if I never have to watch that clip of him falling off a cliff again, I’ll be happy. Seriously, I was shocked he wasn’t pulled from the game earlier. (I do hope that he gets a second chance.)

Tulsa King (Paramount Plus)

I finally got around to watching the first episode of this show. Sylvester Stallone plays an old school mobster who is released from prison and sent down to Oklahoma by his bosses. The Family says that they want Stallone to set up business down there but actually, they just want to get him out of New York. I have to admit that, as much as I like Stallone, I didn’t care much for the first episode. Maybe if everyone in Tulsa was a jerk, it would be fun to watch Stallone threaten them but everyone seemed to be so nice that I just wanted Stallone to go back to New York. I’ve been assured, though, that the show gets better so I’m not going to give up on Tulsa King just yet.

Waco: American Apocalypse (Netflix)

This three-part docuseries about the siege of the Branch Davidian compound in Waco is a real Rorschach test. Do you watch it and see a story about a manipulative and dangerous cult leader or do you watch it and see a record of law enforcement incompetence and government arrogance? Either way, it was a fascinating and thought-provoking look at the tragic siege.

Welcome to Chippendales (Hulu)

I binged this miniseries on Sunday. It was enjoyable in its own tacky way. Murray Bartlett was well-cast as the doomed choreographer. Kumail Nanjiani should play more villains.

Yellowjackets (Showtime)

I’m glad that Yellowjackets is back for a second season and I’m intrigued to see what happens. But seriously, I am so worried about what’s going to happen to the new dog!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.7 “Ship of Ghouls”

Posted on March 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Vincent Price comes aboard for a special Halloween episode!

This is actually, the second time that I’ve reviewed this episode. I also watched and reviewed it back in 2021. I enjoyed it the first time that I watched it and my opinion remained the same the second time I watched it. Still, I’m glad that I rewatched the episode as opposed to trying to write a second review from memory. There were a few details that I had forgotten.

Anyway, it’s time for…. SHIP OF GHOULS!

Episode 2.7 “Ship of Ghouls”

(Originally aired on October 28th, 1978, dir by Roger Duchowny)

It’s time for the annual Halloween cruise and Captain Stubing is super excited because he has hired The Amazing Alonzo (Vincent Price) to provide the cruise’s entertainment. Alonzo is a master illusionist and hypnotist, who can trick people into seeing just about anything. The episode really doesn’t explain just how exactly Alonzo is able to hypnotize people by just saying a few words to them but no matter. This is The Love Boat and Vincent Price is …. well, he’s Vincent Price. Vincent comes across like he’s having the time of his life in this episode and, as such, we accept that Alonzo can cause a bunch of people to think that Gopher and Doc have been turned into two donkeys. We accept that he can fool the Captain into thinking that the ship’s pool has been turned into a giant ice cream sundae. We even accept that he can make Isaac’s head appear in a glass of beer. We accept all of it because it just feels wrong to get hung up on logic when Vincent Price is involved.

The Amazing Alonzo is having so much fun flirting with his elderly groupies and casting spells that his long-suffering fiancé, Ramona (Joan Blondell), dumps him and instead moves into the Captain’s quarters. At first, Alonzo is jealous of the Captain but he soon comes to realize that the Captain is not romantically interested in Ramona and is just letting her stay in his quarters because she needs some place to stay. Alonzo also discovers that he can no longer hypnotize people without Ramona’s support. At the big Halloween party, Alonzo freezes time and apologizes to Ramona. He also confesses to her that his real name is Wendell. They walk out of the ship’s ballroom, hand-in-hand. Yay!

Needless to say, Vincent Price was the highlight of this episode. However, as was always the case with The Love Boat, there were other passengers on the cruise.

For instance, nine year-old Bobby Diller (Charlie Aikman) is a habitual liar and prankster. His behavior may be bratty but that’s largely due to the fact that his parents (Gary Collins and Mary Ann Mobley) are getting back together after previously getting a divorce and he’s worried that they’re going to split up again. Fortunately, Bobby’s lying comes in handy when he spots Karen (Barbara Anderson) preparing to throw herself overboard. Bobby tells Karen that his mother committed suicide and that he’s never gotten over it. Karen changes her mind about committing suicide. Once Karen is safely back on deck, Bobby admits that he lied but then adds, “It’s the last lie I’ll ever tell!”

Why was Karen suicidal? Karen was a model until a car accident left her with a scar on her face. Karen is convinced that no one will ever find her to be beautiful again. Of course, Gopher and Doc both find her to be beautiful and they spend the entire cruise hitting on her and arguing over which one of them has the right to dance with her and have dinner with her. (As I’ve said in the past, The Love Boat really was a floating HR nightmare.) Karen, unfortunately, thinks that they’re just doing this as a favor to Karen’s best friend, cruise director Julie. Fortunately, Bobby’s lie convinces Karen that people can sincerely care about one another. Also, Karen realizes that she’s too good for either Gopher or Doc. Good for her!

This was a good episode. Vincent Price was a delight as always and Barbara Anderson was sympathetic Karen. All Halloween cruises should be as entertaining as The Love Boat‘s!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 3/19/23 — 3/25/23

Posted on March 25, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

To be honest, I feel as if I’ve already reviewed just about everything that I watched this week. For instance, I spent ten hours watching Dahmer on Netflix and then I posted a review here on the site. So, this week in television is going to pretty much be full of links. For that reason, I considered not doing a post for this week but what can I say? I’m a completist. I haven’t missed a week yet and I don’t want to start.

Anyway, here’s what I watched this week!

Accused (Tuesday Night, FOX)

I started to watch Accused this week but as soon as I saw that dusty courtroom with the big Texas flag hanging over the door and the title cared announced that this was “Lubbock, Texas,” I realized that I probably wasn’t going to make it through the entire episode. Then, the accused was escorted into the courtroom by some old guy wearing a string tie and I said, “Nope,” and stopped watching. I’ve been told by some folks on Twitter that this week was actually a good episode but I don’t care. There were too many dumb clichés in the first three minutes for me to devote another 44 minutes of my life to the episode.

American Idol (Sunday Night, ABC)

Is it Hollywood week, yet!? I know it’s not any different from any other season but the auditions just seem to be going on forever!

The Bachelor (Monday Night, ABC)

Sex week turned out to be a disaster, as I think we all knew it would. After announcing that he would not be having sex with the three remaining bachelorettes, Zach went on to have sex with Gabi and then decided it would be a good idea to tell Kaity all about it …. DURING THIER DATE! Meanwhile, Ariel — who was the most accepting of Zach’s decision not have sex with any of three finalists — was sent home. The Fantasy Suite pretty much exists to create drama and that’s what it did this week. That said, Zach’s really not interesting enough for this season to be the emotional rollercoaster that it’s supposed to be. Boring Guy Turns Out To Be A Jerk …. wow, that’s a shock.

Dahmer (Netflix)

As a part of my preparation for covering the Emmys in another few months, I watched all ten episodes of Dahmer this week. I reviewed the miniseries here.

Farmer Wants A Wife (Wednesday, FOX)

Hey, it’s the State Fair of Texas! And a rodeo! Look at everyone having fun! Take that, Bachelor!

Half Nelson (YouTube)

I reviewed the pilot for this Joe Pesci detective show on Friday.

King of the Hill (FX)

On Wednesday, I watched two episodes of King of the Hill. The first was one of my favorites, featuring Minh, Peggy, and Nancy all running for a seat on the school board. The second one featured Bobby going to military school and discovering that it wasn’t quite as strict as his grandfather claimed it would be. King of the Hill always makes me smile.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

Law & Order returned with a new episode, in which the murder of a journalist was investigated. The story was obviously based on a recent murder that happened out in Las Vegas. The real-life story is pretty interesting but the Law & Order version wasn’t. The scenes with Cosgrove and Shaw interrogating suspects and investigating the crime often felt like self-parody. Sam Waterston still has his natural gravitas but it’s hard not to feel that both he and McCoy have earned the right to retire.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I reviewed The Love Boat here.

Survivor (Wednesday, CBS)

I reviewed Survivor here!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.6 “Mike and Ike / The Witness / The Kissing Bandit”

Posted on March 22, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, I learned that there’s no way to escape the Bradys!

Episode 2.6 “Mike and Ike / The Witness / The Kissing Bandit”

(Dir by Allen Baron and Roger Duchowny, originally aired on October 21st, 1978)

This week, The Love Boat continued to be a floating HR nightmare as Newton Weems (a very young Billy Crytsal) donned a mask and spent his nights running around the ship and kissing every single woman that he came across. Fortunately, Newton’s such a fantastic kisser that no one demands that the police be alerted. Unfortunately, with every woman on board eager to get kissed, that means that no one is reacting to the lame flirtations of Doc, Gopher, and the Captain. The Captain decides that the best way catch the Kissing Bandit would be to use Julie as a decoy. If I was Julie, I would point out how reasonable I was about the Captain’s uncle and demand more money. Instead, Julie allows herself to be kissed and soon, she’s in love with the Kissing Bandit as well.

However, Newton eventually realizes that he’s actually in love with another passenger, Roberta (Laurie Walters), and that he doesn’t have to wear a mask to be romantic. Though this disappoints his biggest fans (played by Nancy Kulp, Pat Carroll, and Sharon Acker), it does make the rest of the crew happy. It seems like the Captain should be worrying more about running the ship than hitting on every woman who comes aboard but I guess big luxury liners pretty much run themselves.

While this was going on, Isaac was reconnecting with his old friends, Lenore (Marilyn McCoo) and Mike (Billy Davis, Jr.). When they were younger, they used to perform on street corners for spare change. Now, Mike is an executive vice president and he’s so work-obsessed and stuffy that his own son (Todd Bridges) thinks that his father doesn’t love him! Fortunately, things work out in the end. Mike realizes that there are things more important than business. Ted Lange gets to show off his dance moves, though it’s hard to forget that Isaac once accused another passenger of being a sell-out for doing the same thing.

Finally, Frank McLean (Robert Reed) is taking a cruise so that he can avoid testifying in a murder trial. He is spotted by Suzanne (Toni Tennille), who knows Frank from the old neighborhood. At first, Frank denies even being from New York but, eventually, he tells Suzanne his story. Suzanne falls for Frank but she has a secret of her own. By Love Boat standards, this story is fairly dramatic but it ultimately fails because there’s not a hint of chemistry between Reed and Tennille. In fact, Robert Reed looks even more miserable after he falls in love than he did before.

On a personal note, I just can’t escape The Brady Bunch, can I? Last week, even as I was finishing up The Brady Bunch Hour, Robert Reed showed up on Fantasy Island. This week, Eve Plumb went to the island while Robert Reed boarded the ship. There’s just no way to escape those Bradys!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.5 “Julie’s Aunt/Where Is It Written?/The Big Deal”

Posted on March 15, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Things get a bit icky this week. Ugh!

Episode 2.5 “Julie’s Aunt/Where Is It Written?/The Big Deal”

(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on October 14th, 1978)

How icky can one cruise get?

Well, consider this. On this week’s episode of The Love Boat, Captain Stubing’s uncle (Red Buttons) is a passenger on the boat. Uncle Cyrus decides that he likes Julie. How does he express how much he likes Julie? He invites her to his cabin and then lunges at her and starts kissing her. Julie runs out of the cabin and Uncle Cyrus chases her through the corridors of the boat. Once Julie does get away from him, she tells Doc and Gopher about what happened. Doc and Gopher both think that it’s funny.

(Uhmm, guys, this isn’t some old guy with a crush. This is someone who invited the cruise director to his cabin …. AND ATTACKED HER!)

Everyone agrees that Julie should just try to avoid Cyrus and that she should not tell the Captain about what happened. Unfortunately, because Uncle Cyrus told the Captain about how much he enjoys Julie’s company, Stubing insists that Julie spend as much time as possible with Uncle Cyrus. Every time that Julie goes down to his cabin, Cyrus grabs her and starts kissing her. Scene after scene, Julie has to push Cyrus off of her so that she can escape, screaming, into the hallway.

Finally, realizing that she can’t go on like this, Julie realizes that she has to do something, even if both Doc Bricker and Gopher refuse to take the situation seriously. Out of the three choice below, which do you think she goes with?

Call the police
Tell Captain Stubing and demand that he call the police
Have Gopher dress up like a woman and pretend to be a member of the police

If you picked number three, you could have been a writer for The Love Boat!

Ugh! I hated everything about this storyline!

I wasn’t a fan of the other two storylines as well. The first featured Hope Lange as Sandra Newberry, the wife of publisher Alfred Newberry (Gene Barry). She is upset to discover that Alfred has invited a Norman Maileresque writer named Mark Littlejohn (Richard Mulligan) to accompany them on the cruise. Alfred wants Mark to hurry up and finish the final chapter of his autobiography. Make wants to steal Sandra away. In the end, Alfred and Mark get into a fight. They’re too clumsy to actually hit each other but they do manage to knock out Captain Stubing. Again, you would think that this would be the sort of thing that would eventually involve the police but instead Stubing just accepts a payment that will come from the royalties of Mark’s book. Whatever. Go deal with your uncle, Captain.

Finally, Martin Scott (Allen Ludden) is a businessman who is selling his business to Brad Collins (Sam Groom). Martin’s daughter, Allison (Mackenzie Phillips), feels like she has to date Brad even though she’s actually in love with a musician named Jim Warren (Erik Estrada). It was hard not to feel that, intentionally or not, Martin was basically pimping out his daughter. Again, it was just icky.

This was not a fun cruise. Hopefully, next week will be better.