The Dummies”

Posted on May 17, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Welcome aboard. Don’t expect much from your cruise this week.

Episode 2.14 “Julie Falls Hard / Double Wedding / The Dummies”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on December 16th, 1978)

Agck! It’s the most horrifying episode in the history of the Love Boat!

Your eyes do not deceive you. There are indeed two ventriloquists on this week’s cruise. Married entertainers Patti Harmon (Ruth Buzzi) and Michael Harmon (Sid Caesar) have been hired to amuse the ship’s passengers. Unfortunately, they’ve recently separated. Patti thinks that Michael is incapable of expressing his emotions unless he’s carrying around his dummy. And it turns out that she’s right because Michael really does carry that dummy around with him everywhere and he has frequent conversations with it. Even when Michael inevitably apologizes for being a bad husband and asks Patti for another chance, he has to use the dummy to do it.

Seriously, it’s creepy! I mean, everything works out in the end. Michael and Patti decide to give their marriage a second chance and their dummies end up kissing as well. But seriously, ventriloquist dummys are just weird. Have you seen that episode of The Twilight Zone where the guy tries to switch one dummy out for another so the original dummy gets mad and destroys his replacement? Have you seen the classic Anthony Hopkins film, Magic? CREEPY!

Of course, this episode features not just the scariest story in Love Boat history. It also features the stupidest. Two twins (Cyb Barnstable and Trish Barnstable) board the cruise with their fiancés (played by David Nelson and Fred Travelena). No one can tell the twins apart! Not even Isaac!

Anyway, the twins worry that they might be making a mistake because it seems like each one is marrying a man with the opposite personality. The twin who likes to stay up late is engaged to the man who goes to bed early. The twin who likes to be responsible and level-headed is engaged to man who is wild and unpredictable. So, when the twins disembark the boat so that they can get married in Mexico, they decide to switch places on their wedding day. But then when the twins return to the boat with their new husbands, they decide that they made a mistake so they switch back. They can do that because they’re twins! Seriously, that’s the entire story.

Bleh! This was so stupid. Even writing about it was painful.

Finally, Julie’s in love!

Jack Chenault (Tony Roberts) is taking the cruise with his two young daughters and, when he sees Julie, it’s love at first sight. The daughters wants their Dad to marry Julie as well. One of the daughters is played by a very young Melora Hardin, who would grow up to play Jan Levinson on The Office.

After knowing Julie for one day, Michael announces that he’s in love with her and he wants her to come live with him in Alaska. Julie is tempted but ultimately, she can’t leave her life on the boat behind. Jack is heart-broken but Julie promises to see him the next time that she’s in Alaska. So, I imagine we will never hear about Jack again.

This third storyline wasn’t bad. Especially when compared to the other two, it was actually sweet and rather touching. It helps that Tony Roberts gave a convincing performance Jack. That said, asking someone to marry you after only knowing them for one day? Unless you’re a young king looking to legitimize the Treaty of Troyes, that’s never a good idea.

This week’s cruise was not a good one. Hopefully, next week’s will be less scary and less dumb.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 5/7/23 — 5/13/23

Posted on May 13, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Accused (Tuesday Night, FOX)

The season finale of Accused started out strong but, towards the end, it felt like propaganda for euthanasia. Plus, the big twist — i.e., the accused taking the blame for a crime that was actually committed by a loved one — was one that the show had already done before. It’s a bit early for this show to be repeating itself. That’s one reason why I think Accused would be well-served by having a regular set of writers and a regular set of directors as opposed to bringing in new people for each episode. That said, Keith Carradine gave a powerful performance as the man on trial. The first season of Accused was extremely uneven but hopefully, they’ll work out the kinks by the time the second season begins.

Barry (Sunday Night, HBO)

The rumors were true! There has indeed been a time jump and Barry and Sally are now living in the middle of nowhere and raising their son, John. Sally, who now wears a dark wig and works as a waitress, is miserable and, on Sunday’s show, nearly strangled a guy. Barry is oddly obsessed with Abraham Lincoln. Barry spends a lot of time with John and obviously considers himself to be a good father but, ultimately, Barry is just as manipulative towards his son as Monroe Fuches was towards him. When Sally came across a news story about Gene Cusineau coming out of hiding to consult on a Barry Berkman biopic, Barry replied, without hesitation, “I have to kill Gene Cusineau.” That’s where this week’s unsettling episode of Barry ended.

As I watched this week’s episode, it occurred to me that if someone ever did decide to do a new version of The Shining, Bill Hader would be an ideal Jack Torrance.

Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount Plus)

Episodes that feature both the young and the old Beavis and Butt-Head are so depressing. It’s so easy to laugh at them when they’re young and they’re trying to plant cigarettes and destroying the community garden. But then you see what the future has waiting for them. Butt-Head’s a fat alcoholic and Beavis looks like he’s about 70 years old when he should just be in his 40s. It’s sad but it’s also funny. I do take some comfort in the fact that Beavis and Butt-Head always seem to be blissfully unaware of how terrible their lives truly are. Beavis never seems to give up hope.

Bubblegum Crisis (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Saturday morning but, to be honest, I was half asleep. All I know for sure is that a lot of stuff blew up.

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

On Sunday, I sat through three episodes of this old 90s talk show on YouTube. A son demanded that his mother apologize for robbing him. (She didn’t.) A man told his fiancée that he was an exotic dancer just for her to then reveal that she was a stripper. (The audience went crazy.) A woman demanded that her friend apologize for “sleeping with my first love.” (“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” the friend replied.) Mother Love said to never forget the power of forgiveness.

On Friday, I watched one more episode. A woman begged another woman to forgive her for backing out of an adoption arrangement. No one was forgiven. Mother Love started to cry.

Jury Duty (Freevee)

I absolutely loved this 8-hour, semi-improvised comedy about jury duty. Essentially, the series followed one guy as he took part in a very strange court case and got to know his fellow jurors (including James Marsden, who played a comedic version of himself). The catch was that everyone else in the court room was an actor and our hero was being filmed without even knowing it. It was wonderfully weird, funny, and ultimately rather sweet. It helped that the main guy, Ronald Gladden, came across as being incredibly likable and nice, even when James Marsden went out of his way to annoy him. Give Marsden an Emmy!

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

This was a pretty dumb episode this week. Cosgrove got shot by this week’s suspect after the suspect got out on bail. Because he was captured at the scene, everyone knew who shot Cosgrove but, at the trial, no one brought up the fact that the suspect had shot a cop and, unless I missed it, I don’t think he was ever charged with shooting Cosgrove either. Instead, Price was worried he wouldn’t be able to get a conviction on the crime that the guy was originally accused of and I was just like, “Uhmm, he shot a cop while trying to kill the state’s main witness against him. Isn’t that pretty good evidence that the cops were onto something when they arrested him?”

Cosgrove considered retiring and going to Florida but, at the end of the episode, it appeared that he was planning on staying in New York. I got the feeling that entire storyline was just included as some sort of “That that!” to Florida. But, honestly, Cosgrove is 50 years old and politically and culturally conservative. Why wouldn’t he want to move to Florida?

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about this week’s episode here!

The Master (Tubi)

Since Freddy’s Nightmares is no longer available on Tubi, I decided to watch and review all 13 episodes of this 80s ninja show instead. You can read my review of episode 1 here!

Mystery Science Theater 3000 (Tubi)

Apparently, after the show went off the air, NBC edited the first two episodes of The Master together and they released the result theatrically under the name Master Ninja One. And then, years later, the guys at Mystery Science Theater 3000 watched Master Ninja One and spent a lot of time pointing out Lee Van Cleef’s stunt double. Anyway, I watched the Mystery Science Theater version on Thursday, after I finished writing up my review of The Master. It made me laugh!

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

The season came to an end much as I predicted it would. Abbi and Rand broke up. Dan went to Louisiana and became a judge but I imagine he’ll be back whenever season 2 starts because, if there was anything that was consistent about the first season, it’s that the action always grinds to a halt whenever John Larroquette isn’t onscreen.

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Monday night. Sally talked to parents who had out-of-control children. The kids were forced to take part in the Scared Straight program. Did it do any good? Probably not.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about this week’s episode over at Reality TV Chat Blog!

The Traitors (Peacock)

I binged this enjoyably silly reality show over the course of the week. Basically, a combination of newbies and reality TV vets moved into a Scottish castle and tried to figure out which of the three of them had been designated as “traitors” by host Alan Cumming. The traitors could “kill” a guest every night. (Well, not literally.) I was happy to see Survivor’s Cirie Fields do well and outlast Big Brother‘s Rachel Reilly. “I’m an icon!” Rachel exclaimed at one point. (Truth be told, I may complain about Rachel whenever she shows up on yet another reality show but she knows exactly what the audience wants from her and she plays her role well so good for her!)

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.13 “El Kid/The Last Hundred Bucks/Isosceles Triangle”

Posted on May 10, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome aboard! Get ready for tonal whiplash on this week’s episode of The Love Boat!

Episode 2.13 “El Kid/The Last Hundred Bucks/Isosceles Triangle”

(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on December 9th, 1978)

Wes (David Madden) and Renee Larson (Dena Dietrich) are happy to be setting sail with their friend and business partner, April (Rue McClanahan). They’re even more excited when the widowed April meets Van Milner (Dabney Coleman), a recently divorced businessman. Not only is April falling in love with Van but it also appears that Van might even be willing to join the board of April’s hospital and invest some of his money into fixing the place up. Except, of course, Van lost his job over a year ago and he really doesn’t have that much money left. April is crestfallen to discover that Van is not the wealthy man that she believed him to be. Was he just romancing her for her money? When Van wins a few thousand dollars at the craps table, he donates the money to the hospital and April realizes that he was being honest about his feelings towards her.

This was a pretty predictable story and April was way too quick to forgive Van for his dishonesty but it was interesting to see an actor like Dabney Coleman, someone who brought a naturally cynical edge to any character that he played, on a show like The Love Boat. As played by Coleman, Van seemed to be suffering from very real inner pain. For once, the emotional drama on The Love Boat felt, if not quite real, then at least credible.

Speaking of pain, that’s what Larry (Robert Urich) and Cybill Hartman (Heather Menzies) had waiting for them when they took the Love Boat to Mexico so they could adopt a baby. Upon arriving at the local orphanage, they were told that the mother of their baby had changed her mind and would not be giving up her baby after all. Instead, Larry and Cybill left with 12 year-old Pepito (Gabriel Melgar), a little brat who steals Larry’s watch and sells it on the boat. When Larry gets upset, Pepito grabs an inflatable lifeboat and prepares to jump overboard. Fortunately, Larry and Cybill talk him out of it and he agrees to be their son and to stop stealing stuff. This was an annoying story, largely because Pepito was so whiny. It was hard not to feel that Larry and Cybill deserved better than having to raise Pepito.

Finally, Julie’s friend, Karen Maynard (Connie Stevens), boards the boat and both Captain Stubing and Doc Bricker spend the entire voyage pursuing her because it’s not like the Captain and the ship’s doctor would actually be expected do their job while the ship is floating in the middle of the ocean. Gopher, Ike, and Julie take bets on who Karen will choose but, in the end, Karen chooses neither because both Doc and Stubing decide to respect the other’s feelings and stop pursuing Karen. This whole storyline was silly because there was really no doubt about who Karen would have picked. Seriously, anyone who is a passenger on a cruise is automatically going to fall for the captain because the captain is the most powerful person on the boat. But, on the plus side, the storyline showed off the chemistry between all of the show’s regulars. It was likable, even if it never quite felt plausible.

This was an episode about which I had mixed feelings. The three storylines were so tonally dissimilar that they didn’t really seem that they all should have been happening on the same cruise. Plus, Pepito was the most obnoxious orphan since the kids on One World. I’m glad things worked out for Dabney Coleman, though.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/30/23 — 5/6/23

Posted on May 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Accused (Tuesday Night, Fox)

As frustratingly uneven as Accused can be, this week’s episode was enjoyably melodramatic and over the top. A teenage girl’s attempt to find her real father led to her discovering that he not only lived right next door but that she was also on the verge of dating her half-brother! In this case, the big crime was breaking into a sperm bank. In many ways, it was a silly episode but it was also undeniably enjoyable. Accused should do more weird episodes like this and give the politics a rest.

Barry (Sunday Night, HBO)

Wow, what an unsettling episode this week! Cristobal is dead. NoHo Hank is back in the Chechen mob. Gene shot and probably killed his son. And, according to the time jump towards the end of the episode, Barry and Sally ended up living on a farm with a son named John. And, in the world of Barry, Sian Heder is following up CODA with the worst comic book movie since The Eternals. I’m looking forward to seeing where all of this goes but I have a feeling the show is building up to the most traumatic conclusion of all time. We’ll see if I’m right!

Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount Plus)

Beavis and Butt-Head fell in the sewer and thought they were in Hell. Then, after that, Beavis ended up in the hospital and nearly died due to Butt-Head continually punching him in the testicles. Guys are weird.

The Coronation of Charles III (Saturday Morning, Everywhere)

Supposedly, the British are indifferent to Charles III’s official coronation but it certainly has been a big deal here in the States. Honestly, maybe the entire Royal Family should just move over here and take over again. They would be greeted as liberators!

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

It was raining on Wednesday afternoon so Jeff and I watched some old 90s talk shows on YouTube. In an episode of Forgive or Forget, delinquent daughters were giving their mothers trouble. The show’s host, Mother Love, yelled at everyone and forced them to go backstage and think about all of their sins before then choosing whether or not to come through the door of forgiveness. Towards the end of the show, the format changed a little as a former out-of-control teen asked her mother to forgive her, just to have her mother refuse to come through the door. What a terrible mother. Seriously, this was a weird show.

Geraldo (YouTube)

It was raining on Wednesday afternoon so Jeff and I watched some old 90s talk shows on YouTube. We watched a 1996 episode of Geraldo, featuring a young-looking but still overdramatic Geraldo Rivera talking to girls who were in gangs. The highlight of the epiosde was when the current gang girls were confronted by former gang girls who accuse them all of being bad mothers. “My babies are more important than my homies!” one former gang girl announced while the audience went crazy.

Half Nelson (YouTube)

I wrote about the finale of Half Nelson here!

Jenny Jones (YouTube)

It was raining on Wednesday afternoon so Jeff and I watched some old 90s talk shows on YouTube. On the Jenny Jones show, the permanently flustered host talked to mothers and daughters who teamed up to “play more than one guy.” The mothers and the daughters would come out on stage. The audience would boo. “Be an appreciator, not a hater!” one mother yelled back. Nothing was really resolved by the end of this episode. To be honest, I wasn’t really sure what the point of it all was.

The second episode that we watched feature couples taking lie detector tests to determine whether or not they were cheating. The audience booed a lot. No cheating allowed! “WHY YOU STAYING WITH THAT MAN!?” some guy in the audience yelled. Jenny Jones looked really nervous.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

This week, Cosgrove’s daughter became an important witness in Price’s case against the accused murderer. To me, it seems that, as soon as it became apparent that his daughter could be a part of the case, Cosgrove should have been taken off the investigation but Law & Order takes place in a world where “conflict of interest” is no big deal.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about this week’s episode of The Love Boat here!

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

Dan’s been appointed to a judgeship in Louisiana and is planning on leaving New York City without telling anyone. Dan is not the sentimental type. However, Abbi and Rand insist on throwing him a going away party. As usual, this show works best when it focus on John Larroquette and Melissa Rauch. I spent most of this episode marveling at just how tall Larroquette is. Especially standing next to Melissa Rauch, Larroquette appeared to be about 9 feet tall. (Of course, Melissa Rauch is only like 4’11 herself.) Anyway, Dan was about to leave for Louisiana when he got a call that Abbi was in jail and needed him to defend her. This led to the dreaded “To Be Continued” card.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

This week, I watched a compilation of three episodes from 1991. I learned about European Rock and guitar gods!

Radio 1990 (Night Flight Plus)

This was apparently an entertainment-related news show that aired on PBS in the 80s (despite the name). I watched an episode from 1983 on Saturday morning. My favorite part was “Radio 1990 on the movies.” The week the show aired, the number one movie was Sudden Impact and Scarface had just been released.

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

It was raining on Wednesday afternoon so Jeff and I watched some old 90s talk shows on YouTube. The episode that we watched of this show dealt with out-of-control teens. The teens were angry and bratty but then they all got sent to boot camp. Most studies have confirmed that the whole boot camp thing was usually counter-productive but audiences just loved to watch wannaba drill sergeants scream at a bunch of bratty kids.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about this week’s episode of Survivor here!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.12 “The Captain’s Cup/ The Folks From Home/ Legal Eagle”

Posted on May 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the Love Boat departs on one weird cruise.

Episode 2.12 “The Captain’s Cup / The Folks from Home / Legal Eagle”

(Dir by Alan Rafkin, originally aired on December 2nd, 1978)

This was a strange episode.

Let’s start with the simplest of our three stories first. Danny Holt (Bert Convy) is recently divorced and still crying over having to pay his wife alimony. When he boards the boat, he specifically asks Gopher if there are any single men onboard who might be interested in marrying his ex-wife. His ex isn’t even on the cruise! Danny is one bitter passenger. From the minute he boards the boat, he’s whining about how unfair his divorce was and how badly he was treated by his wife’s divorce lawyer, Ann Sterling (Leigh Taylor-Young).

Uh-oh, it turns out that Ann is one the cruise as well! And she’s been assigned to be Danny’s dinner companion. Danny isn’t happy about this but then, from out of seemingly nowhere, the two of them end of falling in love. It’s hard to say why they suddenly fall in love. Danny is superbitter over his divorce and Ann knows all of the details about what type of husband he was so it seems like the last thing that would ever happen would be them leaving the ship, arm-in-arm. But somehow, that’s what happens. It was a straight-forward story but it lacked any scenes that would have explained why the two of them fell in love. They just did because they were characters on The Love Boat. (It certainly wasn’t due to any noticeable romantic chemistry between Bert Convy and Leigh Taylor-Young.) This story felt lazy and generic.

In the episode’s second storyline, Captain Stubing is excited because he’s due to receive the Captain of the Year Cup. Diane DiMarzo (Florence Henderson, proving that former Bradys just cannot stay off The Love Boat) boards the ship with the Cup but she’s shocked to discover that 1) her boss — the guy who actually decided to give Stubing the Cup — will not be on the ship and 2) Stubing fully expects her boss to personally present him with the Cup. Now, I’m not really sure how the logic works here but apparently, Diane could lose her job if her boss isn’t there to give Stubing the cup. But why would that be Diane’s problem? She did what she was supposed to do. She boarded the ship with the Cup. Her boss is the one who decided not to show up and he is the boss so it’s not like there was anything Diane could have done about it.

Anyway, Diane recruits one of the ship’s handymen to pretend to be her boss. Though he works on the boat and the rest of the crew know him, it appears that the Captain himself has never met Hank Vosnik (Pat Harrington, Jr.), which kind of leads one to wonder if Stubing really deserves his award. Anyway, Hank falls in love with Diane and is crestfallen when she turns down his marriage proposal. (Seriously, at this point, they had only known each other for like three days so I’m not sure what Hank was expecting.) But, despite being turned down, Hank still pretends to be Diane’s boss. So, Diane decides that she might as well marry him. WHAT!?

Finally, Doc Bricker is happy to meet two passengers from his hometown. George (John McIntire) and Gloria (Jeanette Nolan) spend every moment with Doc and they even announce that, as far as they’re concerned, the 40-something Doc is a member of their family. Doc is touched. But then Gloria falls down a flight of stairs and Doc has to do emergency surgery on her. Gopher calls a doctor in San Francisco and he talks Doc through the surgery. Doc removes Gloria’s spleen and saves her life! Yay! Only at the end of the surgery does he get George to sign a consent form. In real life, that would lead to Doc to losing his job and the cruise line getting sued. But, on The Love Boat, it just leads to more laughter.

On the plus side, this storyline featured the charming performances of McIntire and Nolan, who were married in real life. The story was also written by Fred “Gopher” Grandy and Bernie “Doc” Kopell so, not surprisingly, it actually allowed Grandy and Kopell to do something more than just leer at the passengers. The show rarely gave Grandy or Kopell a chance to show off the fact that they were both capable of giving good dramatic performances so, whenever they got that rare chance to do so, they took advantage of it. That said, it was still a bit awkward to see Doc suddenly performing major surgery in his tiny examination room. It was all for the best on the show but, in real life, it would have led to a major lawsuit. Even though Doc Bricker saved Gloria’s life, it still seems like the ship could probably be held liable for her getting injured in the first place. I mean, the boat is in the middle of the ocean. Shouldn’t there at least be a warning posted on the stairs?

Well, who knows? Strange things happen at sea. Let’s just be happy that everything worked out in the end.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.11 “Heads or Tails/Mona of the Movies/The Little People”

Posted on April 26, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Let’s set sail for adventure!

Episode 2.11 “Heads or Tails/Mona of the Movies/The Little People”

(Dir by George Tyne, originally aired on November 25th, 1978)

The Love Boat crew is super excited because the glamorous movie star, Mona Maxwell (Rhonda Flemming), is going to be on the cruise. Apparently, this is not her first time to sail on the Love Boat. Captain Stubing can’t wait to get reacquainted with her. The walking HR nightmare that is Doc Bricker can’t wait to flirt with her. Artie D’Angelo (Orson Bean), a passenger who owns a chain of garages, is shocked to see that his favorite movie star in on the boat.

Artie may be a big fan of Mona’s but, whenever he tries to talk to her, he finds that he simply cannot find the words. With Doc’s help, Artie finally works up the courage to ask Mona to have dinner with him. Mona accepts and the two of them soon find themselves falling in love. The only problem is that Artie just cannot bring himself to believe that a big movie star like Mona would be interested in a guy like him. Really, Artie is being way too hard on himself. He’s a likable guy! And, fear not, he and Mona leave ship arm-in-arm.

Meanwhile, two frat dudes — Alex (Adam Arkin) and Wally (Richard Gilliand) — have made a bet over who will be the first to sweep Julie off of her feet. When they start the betting, it’s for money but eventually, they decide to just bet a pizza. Julie spends time with both of them and has fun, especially with Alex. But then a jealous Wally reveals the truth about the bet and Julie announces that she doesn’t want anything else to do with either of them. Gopher tells Julie that she should actually be flattered that the two guys were both so determined to date her. Apparently deciding that she’s not really bothered by the fact that both of her suitors just spent an entire weekend lying to her, Julie forgives them and then says that she’s going to spend an equal amount of time with both Alex and Wally so neither one of them will win or lose the bet.

Finally, Doug Warren (Edward Albert) is on the cruise with his parents, who are celebrating their anniversary. Coincidentally, Doug’s co-worker, Beth (Patty McCormack), is also on the cruise! Doug and Beth quickly fall in love but then Beth is freaked out when she sees two little people in the ship’s lounge. She explains to Doug that little people make her nervous. She always worries about what would happen if her child turned out to be a little people. What she doesn’t know is that the little people — Ralph (Billy Barty) and Dottie (Patty Maloney, who also guest-starred on the famous disco-themed episode of The Brady Bunch Hour) — are Doug’s parents!

Without telling Beth why, Doug says that he can no longer see her. A heart-broken Beth goes to the Acapulco Lounge where she gets into a conversation with Ralph and Dottie. She discovers that Ralph and Dottie are just like everyone else and she also finds out that Doug is their very tall son. She tells Doug that she’s no longer worried about their potential children being little people and …. you know, this plot line is just ridiculous. Beth is prejudiced against people based on their height and she’s basically told Doug that she would freak out if her child was anything other than “normal.” And yet, Doug and his parents act all excited when Beth announces that she still loves Doug, regardless of who his parents are. Doug, sweetie — you can do better!

I definitely had mixed feelings about this episode. Orson Bean and Rhonda Fleming were both perfectly charming in their storyline but the other two stories were both pretty icky. I spent the entire episode waiting for Julie to tell off Alex and Wally and for Doug to tell off Beth and, in both cases, it didn’t happen. This was definitely not one of the better cruises of the Pacific Princess.

Hopefully, next week’s destination will be a bit nicer.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/16/23 — 4/22/23

Posted on April 22, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Barry’s back!

Barry (Sunday Night, HBO)

Barry returned last Sunday with the first two episodes of season 4.

The first episode updated the viewers on what happened after Barry was arrested. Barry went to jail, where he was reunited with Fuches. Fuches briefly became an FBI informant until Barry told him that he loved him, which led to Fuches not only stepping away from the FBI but also declaring that he was going to start his own prison gang. Sally went back to Joplin and promptly got into a fight with her mother over the television show and its portrayal of Sally’s abusive ex. Gene plotted to control how the story of his relationship with Barry would appear in the media. Cristobal and NoHo Hank plotted to start a semi-legitimate business, selling sand to construction sites. Directed, as all of this season will be, by Bill Hader, the first episode was full of surreal touches and it left me feeling rather unsettled. Sitting in prison and only showing emotion when Sally briefly came by to visit and demand to know whether he had killed their dog, Barry appeared to have finally snapped. He went as far as to taunt a guard into nearly beating him to death. The show had its funny moments but, make no doubt, the first episode was all about tapping into Barry’s heart of darkness.

The second episode had a bit more of the show’s trademark bizarre humor. Cristobal and NoHo Hank attempted to convince two rival crime families to join them in their sand enterprise. In order to convince them, they arranged for a meeting at the happiest place on Earth …. Dave and Buster’s! The meeting went well, up until NoHo Hank announced that freeing Barry from prison would be a part of the plan. An upset Cristobal told NoHo Hank that his loyalty to Barry made him appear to be “soft.” However, Fuches then called NoHo Hank for prison and told him that Barry had decided to become an FBI informant. A stunned NoHo Hank announced that Barry would have to die.

While that was going on, Gene finally gave an interview about his experiences with Barry but, being Gene, he couldn’t just sit down and answer questions. Instead, he put together a one man show, one that actually turned out to be pretty good, even if Gene’s version of events was a bit self-serving. Meanwhile, Sally has returned to Los Angeles and is trying to put the pieces of her life and her career back together. Unfortunately, her career still hasn’t recovered from last season’s viral video scandal and, to top it all off, she is now known for being the girlfriend of a serial killer.

As for Barry …. well, Monroe wasn’t lying. At the end of the second episode, it appeared that Barry has decided to work with the FBI!

What a wonderful way to start the fourth season! This is the final season of Barry and I can’t wait to see how the story wraps up. I have a feeling that there won’t be many happy endings.

Beavis and Butthead (Paramount Plus)

Barry’s not the only one to have returned this week. These two morons, Beavis and Butthead, have returned as well. This week, Beavis and Butthead ruined meditation for everyone and then they went hunting with Mr. Anderson and nearly got killed. Of all the supporting characters on this show, Mr. Anderson is probably my favorite because he’s basically just a really old version of Hank Hill. His World War II flashback was wonderfully odd.

Beef (Netflix)

Unfortunately, it’s been a long week so I’ve only had time to watch the first four episodes of this miniseries. Ali Wong and Steven Yeun are both giving outstanding performances in this series about a road rage incident that spirals out of control. I’m looking forward to finishing it up during this upcoming week.

Dynaman (Night Flight Plus)

I watched an episode of this Japanese series on Saturday morning. A bunch of fish monsters were trying to take over the world. Dynaman stopped them. Sometimes, a picture is worth a thousand words so here’s a screenshot:

Farmer Wants A Wife (Wednesday Night, Fox)

The farmers are still not married.

Half Nelson (YouTube)

I reviewed Half Nelson here!

Hang Time (YouTube)

I have watched and written up reviews for several hours of Hang Time this week. In fact, I’m nearly done with the show. (My reviews of the show will be running through September.) Read this week’s review here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I recapped this week’s episode for the Reality TV Chat Blog!

Tulsa King (Paramount Plus)

I finally got around to watching the second episode of Tulsa King this week and I’m afraid the show still isn’t working for me. I think it’s because Stallone’s character is a bit too aggressive. Stallone is at his best when he’s playing either a dumb but likable mook (i.e., Rocky) or when he’s fighting for his survival, like in First Blood. But when he’s the one who is actually barking out orders and intimidating innocent people, it’s just not as much fun. Plus, there’s only so many times that any show can go to the “Old people sure are confused by technology” well before the joke starts to run dry. That said, I’ve been told the show get better so I’ll stick with it and see what I think of the third episode.

Waco: The Aftermath (Sunday Night, Showtime)

This miniseries picks up where Showtime’s last Waco miniseries left off. The Branch Davidian compound has been burned down. David Koresh is dead. The main FBI negotiator (Michael Shannon) feels guilty about what happened at the compound but he also fears that the stand-off is going to embolden the militia movement. (And he’s right!) Meanwhile, the surviving Davidians are being railroaded in court and treated as scapegoats for the failures of both Koresh and the government. Things got off to a strong start on Sunday. I look forward to seeing where this show ends up going.

Yellowjackets (Sunday Night, Showtime)

This week’s episode was intriguing. I loved the scene where Shauna confessed to Callie. I’m still worried about Walter and Misty though. I can just see Walter getting on Misty’s nerves and getting poisoned as a result. I’ll also say that, as much as I enjoy this show, I’m starting to get a bit tired of the whole Taissa thing. The show need to either explain what’s going on with all that or just move on.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.10 “Man of the Cloth / Her Own Two Feet / Tony’s Family”

Posted on April 19, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time to give thanks as the Love Boat sets sail for another holiday adventure!

Episode 2.10 “Man of the Cloth / Her Own Two Feet / Tony’s Family”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on November 17th, 1978)

It’s time for the big Thanksgiving cruise and love is in the air!

Unfortunately, the ship’s chief engineer calls in sick the day of the cruise. The ship can’t sail without a chief engineer! Rather than cancel the cruise, Captain Stubing decides that assistant engineer Tony Santini (Larry Storch) will just have to give up his Thanksgiving and work on the cruise. Needless to say, Tony is not happy about this. As he explains to Gopher and Julie, his entire family is in town and he was planning on spending his holiday with them. Julie comes up with a brilliant idea! Maybe Tony’s family could secretly take the cruise with Tony. They can just sneak on board and remember to stay away from the captain. Tony agrees. Of course, it then turns out that Tony has a gigantic family. Along with his wife and his children, he is also accompanied by his parents, neither of whom speak English. His parents bring a chicken with them.

The crew goes out of their way to keep the Captain from discovering the stowaways but, eventually, the chicken gets loose and Stubing figures out what is going on. The entire crew — including the Captain — volunteers to pay for the family’s tickets but Tony announces that he doesn’t take charity. He’ll figure out a way to pay the bill.

While that’s going on, Rev. Gerald Whitney (Peter Graves) is excited to find love on the cruise. The only problem is that the woman who he’s fallen in love with (Roz Kelley) is also a stripper! Rev. Whitney doesn’t care but unfortunately, Barbara Sharp (Vivian Blane) does. Barbara just happens to be a member of Whitney’s church and she is shocked to see the reverend and the stripper together on the cruise. Barbara gets so judgmental that her husband, Phil (Alan Young), threatens to divorce her. Barbara and Phil finally have a heart-to-heart talk in the casino. Barbara agrees to stop being so judgmental. Phil agrees to stop gambling as soon as he puts his last silver dollar in the ship’s slot machine. That silver dollar was given to him by one Tony’s kids and when the slot machine pays off, Phil and Barbara give all of the money to Tony’s family. Yay! Now Tony can pay for the cruise.

(I guess the lesson here is that, if you’re going to be a stowaway, make sure the ship has a casino.)

Finally, Bert (Van Johnson) and his wife, Audrey (June Allyson), are having to adjust to life now that Audrey has gone blind. Fortunately, Doc Bricker takes a break from hitting on every woman on the boat and gives them some words of encouragement. Soon, Bert is no longer lying about Audrey’s condition and Audrey is using her cane and learning how to read braille.

This episode felt a bit weird. Obviously, the most interesting story was the reverend falling in love with a stripper but the show itself devoted more energy to Tony and his family and Phil gambling. To be honest, with the amount of time that Phil spent in the casino, he came across like he might have a problem. Hopefully, he went straight from the cruise to Gamblers Anonymous. The guest stars themselves just seemed to be going through the motions and the end result was a fairly forgettable Thanksgiving.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/9/23 — 4/15/23

Posted on April 15, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

This week, Janine’s mom (Taraji P. Henson) made an appearance, hoping that she could get Janine to pay her phone bill. This was a really touching and very emotional episode. Sheryl Lee Ralph was especially moving as Barbara tried to save Janine from being taken advantage of by her mother. While that was going on, Gregory struggled to improve his people skills and Jacob amazed everyone with his magic tricks. “The magic doesn’t work if you lie, Melissa!”

Accused (Tuesday Night, FOX)

This week’s episode was a nicely melodramatic one, in which an angry man tried to frame his ex-wife as a drug smuggler. To be honest, it was kind of a silly episode but it was so over-the-top that it was still enjoyable.

American Idol (Sunday and Monday Night, FOX)

Not surprisingly, I wasn’t really that happy with the Top 24. Many of the singers seemed to be a bit generic and, after all the suffering he went through to just make it through Hollywood Week, Aden was eliminated. I was happy that Nutsa made the top 24. She’s a force of chaos so I hope she wins but I fear that the show’s efforts to turn her into Hollywood Week’s villain will lead to the voters punishing her.

Farmer Wants A Wife (Wednesday Night, FOX)

I was cleaning around the house while watching this week’s episode so I have to admit that I wasn’t paying the show 100% attention. That said, the farmers still do not have wives.

Half Nelson (YouTube)

I wrote about this week’s episode here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about this week’s episode here!

The Masters (Sunday Afternoon, CBS)

“Lisa Marie,” so many people said to me on Easter, “you’re watching golf?”

You better believe I was watching golf! Seriously, the golf course was very relaxing to look at and I enjoyed the restrained applause of all the people watching the game. Later that night, while rest of my family was enjoying the danger of NASCAR, I was remembering the calming day on the golf course. As for who won the game …. well, to be honest, I don’t know who any of the golfers are, outside of Tiger Woods (who dropped out by the final round of the Masters) and that guy that Necromoonyeti doesn’t like. But no matter! I’m happy for whoever it was that won.

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

Dan had a chance to become a billionaire by investing in a new tech company. Abbi ruined it for everyone. Oh, Abbi! Seriously, I like Melissa Rauch and I think she does about as good as anyone could with the character but, at some point, I’m going to start wondering why everyone puts up with Abbi continually screwing up their lives.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about this week’s episode here! Where is Jeff Probst always trying to be so nice nowadays? It’s weird.

Yellowjackets (Sunday Night, Showtime)

Now, I not only have to worry about the new dog but I also have to worry about Elijah Wood! I swear, I may never recover from the anxiety that this show brings me.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.9 “Till Death Do Us Part–Maybe / Locked Away / Chubs”

Posted on April 12, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time for another cruise!

Episode 2.9 “Till Death Do Us Part–Maybe / Locked Away / Chubs”

(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on November 11th, 1978)

The Love Boat is haunted!

Well, no, not really. Instead, one of the passengers is haunted. Ellen Garner (Vernee Watson) is having a difficult time getting over the death of her husband, Mickey (Jimmie Walker, who also appeared on the very first episode of The Love Boat, though as a different character). It’s been two years since Mickey died and Ellen still has not been able to move on. Some of that might be because Mickey’s ghost is still following Ellen around. Only Ellen can see and hear Mickey. This leads to a lot of scenes of her arguing with Mickey while everyone standing around her assumes that she’s talking to herself.

(To be honest, I think most people would be made nervous by a woman who spent the entire cruise loudly arguing with herself but the passengers and the crew of The Love Boat are oddly unconcerned. It was the 70s so I assume everyone just assumed it was due to the cocaine.)

Mickey wants Ellen to move on and he pressures her to find a new husband on the cruise. In fact, Mickey thinks that Ellen should spend some time with Greg Elkins (Greg Morris), who is handsome, polite and wealthy. At first, Ellen resists Mickey’s attempts to push them together but finally, she gives in. Suddenly, Mickey starts to get jealous. By the end of the cruise, though, Mickey is at peace with Ellen moving on and Ellen accepts Greg’s marriage proposal. Mickey tries to congratulate Ellen, just to discover that she can no longer see or hear him. Mickey vanishes into thin air, giving this otherwise frothy story a somewhat bittersweet aftertaste.

Whether you were being haunted or not, would you get married after only knowing someone for a week? I know that there are reality shows built around this very idea but still, I have to wonder how many of these spontaneous Love Boat marriages ended in divorce. Speaking of divorce….

Also on the cruise is a young married couple, Linda (a young Jamie Lee Curtis, looking relieved to not have to deal with Michael Myers or any other knife-wielding madmen) and Wayne (Peter Coffield). Linda and Wayne are on the verge of divorce. Ever since her parents, Les and Gail (Conrad Bain and Curtis’s real-life mother, Janet Leigh), acrimoniously split up, Linda hasn’t believed in love. Linda and Wayne spend most of the cruise fighting, though it’s never quite clear what they’re fighting about. What they don’t know is that Les and Gail are on the cruise as well. Les and Gail came to the ship to see their daughter off and then, as they tried to exit, they accidentally got locked in an unused cabin. Trapped together and subsisting only on peanuts, water, and stowaway sex, Les and Gail discover that they are still in love and they agree to get married for a second time. At the end of the cruise, everyone is reunited and, seeing that her parents are going to give marriage another shot, Linda agrees to give Wayne another shot. Awwwww!

(Again, it should be kept in mind that Les and Gail fell back in love because they literally didn’t have anything else to do. They were trapped in cabin for several days! Will their rekindled love continue once they have to deal with each other in the real world? Considering how much they hated each other before getting trapped, it’s easy to be pessimistic. Can you imagine how Linda will feel if her parents get married a second time just to then get a second divorce? Then again, this is The Love Boat. Perhaps the whole point is not to give it too much thought….)

Finally, Gopher is super excited that his sister will be celebrating her 18th birthday on the cruise! However, Gopher is shocked and horrified to discover that Jennifer (Melissa Sue Anderson) has grown up and now has every guy on the ship hitting on her. Gopher asks Doc Bricker to look after her, which is an odd request given that Doc is a walking HR nightmare. That said, for once, Doc tries to do the right thing. However, Jennifer is eager to lose her virginity and she’s decided that Doc would be the perfect man to which to lose it….

Really? Out of all the guys on that cruise, you’re going to pick Doc?

Stories in which Doc is portrayed as being a legendary lover are always a bit strange because Doc was played be Bernie Kopell, a likable actor who gave off suburban Dad vibes as opposed to international playboy vibes. Kopell, Anderson, and the usually underused Fred Grandy all give likable performances in this storyline but it’s still just odd to think that Jennifer has apparently spent years dreaming about Doc Bricker.

It’s also strange that Captain Stubing mentions that it’s been years since he last saw Gopher’s sister. The previous season established that Captain Stubing had just recently been assigned to the boat and that he was still getting to know the crew. So, either several years passed between the first and the second season or someone in the writer’s room wasn’t paying attention to continuity. Then again, I imagine that continuity wasn’t as big a concern in the days before the Internet. Even if someone did notice the mistake, who would they tell?

This episode was a fairly entertaining one. Janet Leigh and Conrad Bain were definitely the highlight of this episode and it was fun to watch Leigh and Curtis acting opposite of each other. (That said, you just know the show’s producers probably tried to convince Tony Curtis to play Janet Leigh’s ex-husband before they asked Bain.) The ghost subplot had a few funny moments and Gopher finally got to do something. All in all, it was a pleasant cruise on the Love Boat.