The Professor’s Wife”

Posted on October 23, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, we start season 5 of The Love Boat!

Episode 5.1 and 5.2 “The Expedition/Julie’s Wedding/The Mongala/Julie’s Replacement/The Three R’s/The Professor’s Wife”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on October 10th, 1981)

The fifth season of The Love Boat opens with a two-hour spectacular. Our Love Boat crew is in Australia, where they will be guiding The Sea Princess on a voyage through the South Pacific. It’s a bit odd to start off a season of The Love Boat on a different boat but I guess the plan was to show off all the different ships that sailed for Princess Cruise Lines. This episode was actually shot on the boat during a cruise. It’s interesting to see how different the Sea Princess is from the show’s usual location. It has nicer hallways than the Pacific Princess and a much larger lobby. However, I prefer the relative privacy of the Pacific Princess’s multi-level dining room to the wide open space provided by the Sea Princess.

Captain Stubing, Gopher, Isaac, and Doc are shocked when Julie does not board the ship. She’s been on vacation with her boyfriend, Tony (Anthony Andrews), for the last few months. Tony lives in Australia so, really, it shouldn’t be too hard for Julie to make it to the ship. Instead, a substitute cruise director named Yvonne (Delvene Delaney) shows up. Doc and Gopher are happy because it gives them a new co-worker to lust after. Captain Stubing is upset because Julie has sent them all a letter in which she explains that she will be marrying Tony and retiring to the animal habitat where he works. She asks Stubing to give her away and she invites Vicki to be a bridesmaid. Gopher, Isaac, and Doc will be ushers.

Doc is briefly distracted from chasing Yvonne when he spots Barbara Carroll (Michelle Phillips) boarding the boat. However, Barbara has eyes for Ralph Sutton (Patrick Duffy), a rancher who is blind without his glasses. Unfortunately, that means that he can’t read the love letter that Barbara wrote him. Because she wants Ralph for herself, Connie Walker (Jennilee Harrison) lies about what the letter says. *GASP* (Don’t worry, it all works out.)

Meanwhile, an expedition headed by shady Deke Donner (Jose Ferrer) goes to an island and captures a hairy man (Patrick Ward) who they believe is the Mongola, a.k.a., the missing link! (Wait, what?) They hide the ape-man in the ship’s cargo area (huh?) and try to keep anyone else from learning that they’re transporting a living thing. Everyone acts like he’s a caveman but it’s kind of obvious that the Mongola is just a confused guy with a beard. Dr. Jill McGraw (Donna Dixon) falls in love with the Mongola, much to the consternation of her colleague, Dr. Barry Mason (Gary Frank). Meanwhile, Deke’s old friend, Prof. Milo Ender (Harry Morgan), is stunned to discover that the Mongola has a vaccination scar. Milo’s wife, Vivian (Katherine Helmond), encourages Milo to keep the secret to himself so that they can at least make some money off of the Mongola. (Like, seriously, what the Hell is even going on with this story?) Milo agrees, though it doesn’t seem to occur to him that, if he could notice the vaccination scar, then pretty much anyone could notice the vaccination scar. Eventually, the Mongola gets loose from his cage and jumps overboard. “He’s shark food,” Deke says. (What in the name of God is going on here?) However, the Mongola apparently survives because the police are waiting to arrest Deke as soon as the ship docks in Australia.

But what about the wedding!? you’re saying. Well, the wedding doesn’t happen. It nearly happens. Julie shows up at the church. However, Tony finds out that he’s going to die in a month or two so he leaves Julie at the altar. Julie flies back to Los Angeles with the rest of the Love Boat crew.

Seriously, this is the most morbid episode of The Love Boat that I’ve ever seen.

Still, morbid or not, it’s an entertainingly weird episode and the Australian and New Zealand scenery is lovely to look at. (As with all of the two-hour episodes of The Love Boat, there’s a lot of travelogue padding.) There’s something oddly appealing about seeing the usual Love Boat shenanigans mixed in with a story about the Missing Link and Julie discovering that the love of her life is terminally ill. I mean, the song isn’t lying. The Love Boat really does promise something for everyone.

I mean, in the end, we all know that Julie couldn’t get married because then she’d have to leave the show and that wouldn’t happen until Lauren Tewes’s cocaine use became a problem during the seventh season. Tony could either cheat on her or he could die. (Better he die than do what almost every man does at his bachelor party.) The episode ends with Tony still alive so I guess the show’s writer were leaving their options open. Maybe Tony will make a miraculous recovery, who knows?

Myself, I’m just happy that the crew is back together. It’s time to set sail …. again!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/13/24 — 10/19/24

Posted on October 19, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I watched a lot of horror movies this week but I didn’t watch much television. Starting on November 1st, I’m going to have a lot of shows to get caught up on.

I caught the latest installment of American Sports Story: Aaron Hernandez. Like a lot of Ryan Murphy’s recent miniseries, American Sports Story started out strong but the last few episodes have felt like padding. It’s not that the episodes aren’t contributing to the story. This week, we watched as Aaron committed what was apparently his first murder and as he started to show signs of CTE. But it’s still hard not to feel as if each episode is basically 20 minutes worth of story stretched out to 50 minutes. We’re halfway through this series and it has yet to really give us a reason why we should care about Aaron Hernandez. He just comes across as being an idiot, regardless of his athletic skills, his terrible childhood, or his status as a self-hating gay man trying to survive in a homophobic culture. He doesn’t seem to be worth all of this trouble.

I watched Hell’s Kitchen. The chefs continue to compete at a high level and they continue to have disastrous dinner services. Hell’s Kitchen is one of the few reality shows not to have massively changed its format over the past four years. The producers know there’s no need to fix something that’s already working. If only the producers of Big Brother and Survivor understood that!

I watched an old episode of Night Flight on Friday. It featured Elvis snarling at the camera.

I watched the episode of Dr. Phil in which Phil and cult expert Rick Ross confronted a guy who said he wasn’t a cult leader despite the fact that he clearly was. There’s a lot negative things that can be said about Dr. Phil’s show but the episodes where he exposed cults and their leaders were always entertaining and worth watching.

I watched and reviewed Homicide, Miami Vice, and The Love Boat! I also watched and shared several episodes of One Step Beyond.

And that’s it!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.28 “Tony and Julie/Separate Beds/America’s Sweetheart”

Posted on October 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, season 4 comes to an end!

Episode 4.28 “Tony and Julie/Separate Beds/America’s Sweetheart”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on May 16th, 1981)

Wedding bells are in the air!

Carl Mitchell (William Christopher) boards the boat without his wife. As he explains to Gopher and Isaac, he was married when he booked the cruise but now he’s not married because his wife was too much of a slob. However, Carl is still determined to take his cruise and enjoy himself. As soon as Carl goes off to find his cabin, his wife, Lynn (Toni Tennille), boards the ship and tells Gopher and Isaac that she just broke up with her neat freak husband but she’s determined to go ahead and take the cruise that they booked before their break-up.

Carl and Lynn are not happy to discover that they’re both on the cruise and that they’re sharing a cabin. Carl wants to date a younger woman. Lynn flirts with Doc Bricker. Of course, Carl and Lynne are still in love with each other. Lynn decides to win Carl back by cleaning up the cabin. Carl decides to win back Lynn by messing the cabin up. It’s like the most pointless story that O. Henry never wrote. The important thing is that Carl and Lynn decide to give their marriage another chance.

(Personally, I couldn’t live with someone messy. And Lynn really does just toss stuff all over the place. I think they should get a divorce.)

While this is going on, Vicki is super-excited when her favorite actress, Becky Daniels (Alison Angrim), boards the boat. But Becky is actually a spoiled brat and, when she hires Vicki to serve as her stand-in for a movie that’s being shot on the boat, she goes out of her way to make sure that Vicki is humiliated. Vicki is briefly disillusioned with Hollywood, until Becky apologizes and she and Vicki become friends. Okay, then. Glad that worked out!

Meanwhile, Julie is late arriving at the boat because she’s been busy visiting her aunt (a glowering Nancy Kulp). She even gets into an argument over a cab with Tony Selkirk (Anthony Andrews), a veterinarian. Julie wins the argument and the cab but imagine her shock when Tony turns out to be a passenger on the boat! She’s even more shocked when she sees Tony walking around with two chimpanzees. Of course, as you’ve probably already guessed, Tony and Julie fall in love. And Tony asks Julie to marry him. And Julie says yes!

And that’s where season 4 ends.

Is this the end of Julie’s tenure as cruise director? I guess we’ll find out next week. As for this episode, it was pleasant-enough way to end the fourth season. The stories did not particularly interest me but the Love Boat crew has become a strong enough ensemble that the show is no longer as dependent on its guest stars as it used to be. This episode, I enjoyed watching the crew more than the passengers. Seriously, I want to take a cruise now.

Next week, we start season 5!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/6/24 — 10/12/24

Posted on October 12, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s my thoughts on what I watched this week.

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

Abbott‘s back. Jeanine and Gregory are dating and they’re a cute couple. That said, I can’t help but remember how The Office kind of started to become less interesting once Pam and Jim officially became a couple. Single, neurotic people are always funnier than stable people in love.

It’ll be interesting to see how this season goes. Last season, I got annoyed with Jeanine working for the district and the show itself occasionally got a bit heavy-handed in a way that it hadn’t during the previous seasons. At the time, I choose to believe that season’s weaker moments were due to the season being shortened by all the strikes that were going on. I’m hoping this new season will prove me correct.

Ava continues to be the best character on the show.

Accused (Tuesday Night, FOX)

After an incredibly uneven first season, Fox’s crime anthology show is back for a second season. The first episode featured a psychic accused and on trial. Felicity Huffman (who hasn’t really been seen much ever since she was implicated in the so-called Varsity Blues scandal) and William H. Macy provided some star power but the overall results were still pretty dull. I’m not a huge fan of anthology shows in general. They always seem to be trying a bit too hard.

American Sports Story: Aaron Herndanez (Tuesday, FX)

This week, Aaron started to find fame as a pro football player with the New England Patriots, while continuing to deal with stress by hanging out with lowlifes and criminals. While struggling to maintain the squeaky clean image that the NFL demanded from its players, Hernandez also beat up his abusive stepfather. Much as with last week, this episode was well-done but it still feels as if the show is dragging out the story a bit too much. This episode was about 20 minutes worth of story stretched out over 50 minutes. Needless to say, it did start to feel a bit repetitive after a bit. The attempt to use Aaron Hernandez’s stupidity as a way to comment on American society continues to feel a bit half-baked.

Dr. Phil (Pluto TV)

“Shut up!” Kaye yelled, when confronted about her Nigerian boyfriend, who she has never actually met despite selling her house and sending him the money. I know Kaye was embarrassed but yelling shut up isn’t going to get her money back.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

One chef left the show to go to the hospital. Another hurt his back and voluntarily withdrew from the competition. The Blue Team had a terrible dinner service and a Chef Ramsay sent another chef home. The Red Team is getting pretty cocky, which I’m going to assume means that they’re going to fall apart next episode. Getting cocky is always the worst thing that any chef can do on Hell’s Kitchen. Hell’s Kitchen remains one of the few reality shows to remain as entertaining today as when it first aired. The show has been smart enough to stick to its formula and not change things up just to satisfy whatever the current cultural trend may be.

Homicide: Life On The Streets (Peacock)

I wrote about Homicide here!

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

This week’s episode saw SVU‘s Mariska Hargitay making a guest appearance on Law & Order and it really does show just how much things have changed as far as this franchise is concerned. At one time, SVU was kind of like Law & Order‘s sordid and little-acknowledged bastard cousin and it was a big deal if anyone from L&O lowered themselves to make an appearance on SVU. Now, things are reversed. Law & Order is still struggling to find its voice in the 2020s and it’s SVU that’s providing some star power to its struggling cousin.

On another note, I’m surprised that there’s any tech gurus left in New York as they seem to be the number one victim of choice on Law & Order. If they’re not getting murdered, they’re going to jail.

I continue to miss Jack McCoy.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Miami Vice (Amazon Prime)

I wrote about Miami Vice here!

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

On Friday, I watched an episode from 1988. The first half of the episode featured music videos, including X’s Devil Doll. The second half took a look at “upcoming” films, including one in which Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jim Belushi teamed up to fight crime. No, it wasn’t The Principal.

One Step Beyond (YouTube)

This week, I have continued to watch and share episodes of this old anthology show. I’ve been having a lot of fun watching this show.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.27 “Maid for Each Other/Lost and Found/Then There Were Two”

Posted on October 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a baby is abandoned, an aunt visits, and for some reason, Joe Namath is on the boat.

Episode 4.27 “Maid for Each Other/Lost and Found/Then There Were Two”

(Dir by Howard Morris, originally aired on May 9th, 1981)

Ted Harper (Joe Namath) boards the boat with his best friend, Richard Henderson (Fred Willard). Ted and Richard were fraternity brothers. While in college, the members of the frat decided that, whenever one of them got married, some money would be contributed to a pot. The last single member of the frat would end up getting all of the cash, which is now up to $60,000. Ted and Richard are the last two single members of the frat and they’re competing to see who can hold out the longest.

(Can we just agree that guys are weird?)

Ted has a plan to get the money. He’s gotten his ex-girlfriend, Paula (Karen Grassle), to agree to trick Richard into falling in love with and marrying her, in exchange for some of the money. However, Richard is smarter than Ted realizes and instead offers Paula even more of the money to get Ted to marry her. However, Karen falls for Ted for real. Karen and Ted do get married when the ship docks in Mexico. When Richard announces that he paid Karen to marry Ted, Ted is hurt at first but then he realizes that he was willing to do the same thing to Richard and nothing matters more than love. Awwww!

Now, it may seem strange to cast Joe Namath and Fred Willard as friends. To me, it’s even stranger that this was not the first time that Joe Namath, who was not much of actor, appeared on The Love Boat. Just as he did the last time he was on the boat (and also just as he did when he last visited Fantasy Island), Namath wanders through the story with a goofy grin on his face.

Speaking of goofy, Gopher is super-excited when his wealthy aunt Loretta (Jane Powell) boards the boat. Loretta, however, is scared to tell Gopher that she has lost all of her money and is now working as a maid. Loretta need not have worried. I mean, it’s not as if Gopher has a particularly glamorous job. Plus, Loretta’s not going to be poor for long, not after she meets and falls in love with wealthy Duncan Harlow (Howard Keel).

Finally, Eddie Martin (Gary Burghoff) is a mechanic on the Love Boat who decides to abandon his baby with the captain. The captain, who apparently doesn’t know much about the people who work for him, has no idea who the baby’s father is. But when the baby is taken ill and needs a transfusion of super-rare AB blood, Eddie is forced to stand up and accept the responsibility of being a father. Good for him, I guess. Personally, I like fathers who don’t abandon their babies in the first place.

This was a fairly bland episode. The fourth season is nearly over and, with this cruise, everyone seemed to mostly be going through the motions. This episode seemed like a collection of stories that the show had already handled (and handled better) in the past.

Next week …. season 4 comes to an end!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.25 & 26: “This Year’s Model/The Model Marriage/Vogue Rogue/Too Clothes for Comfort/Original Sin”

Posted on October 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, it’s time for the fashion festival!

Episode 4.25 and 4.26 “This Year’s Model/The Model Marriage/Vogue Rogue/Too Clothes for Comfort/Original Sin”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on May 2nd, 1981)

This week, the Love Boat sails to Acapulco for the International Fashion Festival! Vicki, who hopes to grow up to be a fashion designer, is excited about meeting her idols. Doc, Gopher, and Isaac are excited about the models. Captain Stubing starts the cruise by reminding everyone to do their job for once. It’s about time Stubing told them that. Does Doc even keep office hours anymore?

This one of those two-hour episodes of The Love Boat that gets chopped into two episodes for syndication. As such, it’s double-sized, with twice as many guest stars and the boat actually sailing to Acapulco during filming. That doesn’t mean that the storyline are any more complicated than usual on this episode. Despite being longer then usual, the episode follows the usual Love Boat pattern. The extra time is largely taken up with a travelogue of Mexico (watch as a limo very slowly drives to a luxury hotel!) and the fashion show.

Fashion designers Gloria Vanderbilt, Bob Mackie, Halston, and Geoffrey Beene all appear as themselves. They’re listed as guest stars but they don’t actually do anything other than board the ship and then show off their designs. They don’t find love on the boat, nor do they search for it. (Well, Halston probably did….) Interestingly enough, none of them — not even the famous Halston — has much of a screen presence and in the scene where they introduce themselves to the crew, they’re all so stiff that it is somewhat difficult to watch. It’s obvious that none of them were actors but it’s also interesting to consider that there was a time when someone could be internationally famous without being a natural on camera.

There are also a few fictional designers on the cruise. They’re the one who actually have storylines. Harvey Blanchard (Dick Shawn) is not aware that his daughter, Mandy (Debra Clinger), has married his nerdy assistant, Alvin Beale (Richard Gilliand). Mandy wants Alvin to tell her father that they re married during the cruise but first, Alvin is going to have to figure out what to do after he accidentally dumps some designer clothes down a laundry chute and they end up shrinking in the dryer. (“Have you ever considered designing children’s clothing?” Alvin asks his boss.)

Benita James (Elke Sommer) is an “up-and-coming” fashion designer who falls in love with Sidney Sloan (Mike Connors), despite the fact that he’s an industrial spy who has been hired to steal her designs. Sid falls in love with Benita as well and decides that he can’t betray her. But when Sid’s partner (Steve Franken) ransacks Benita’s cabin, will Sid be able to convince her that he wasn’t involved?

Charles Paris (Robert Vaughn, looking somewhat embarrassed) is a cosmetics tycoon who boards the boat looking for the new Ms. Paris, the model who will be the face of his company. Will he pick Liz(Morgan Brittany) the model with whom he is falling in love, or will he pick Joanne Atkins (Carmilla Sparv), the model who has been told that, since she’s now over 35, her career is over?

Speaking of Joanne, she falls in love with Captain Stubing and Stubing falls in love with her. Meanwhile, the married heads of her modeling agency (Anne Baxter and McClean Stevenson, who looks almost as embarrassed as Robert Vaughn) argue over whether or not Joanne is too old to continue on as a model.

Julie is excited because her former sorority sister, Melissa (Cristina Ferrare), is a model on the cruise. Julie can’t wait to spend the whole cruise with her but Melissa meets and falls in love with Larry (Chris Marlowe). When Melissa and Larry run off to get married, Julie takes her friend’s place in the fashion show.

And really, the fashion show is what this episode is all about. The stories aren’t particularly important. We’re here for the clothes!

Bob Mackie starts things off with a really cute collection of lingerie and pajamas, which happen to be my favorite things to wear. I loved his collection.

Gloria Vanderbilt follows with sporty summer fashion, and watching her collection, I found myself wanting to go play tennis with my neighbors.

Geoffrey Beene follows with a collection of plaid suits that will be familiar to anyone who has ever binged a 70s sitcom.

“Up and comer” Benita James presents a collection of truly hideous cocktail dresses.

And Halston closes things out with evening wear. “Red is my favorite color,” Halston says, “It’s so fun.” This redhead appreciates the sentiment, even if it was kind of obvious that Halston didn’t bring his top designs on the cruise with him.

As the highlight of the episode, the fashion show was definitely entertaining though. it was impossible not to smile at just how ugly Benita James’s designs actually were. Seriously, someone went to the trouble to hire two industrial spies to steal those designs?

As for everything else, it all works out. This is The Love Boat. Everything always works out. Charles Paris announces that the new Ms. Paris will be Joanne but then he asks Liz to be “Mrs. Paris.” Sid and Benita decide to get married as well. Captain Stubing gets to have sex for once. I think that may be the first time that’s happened since this show started. Julie enjoys modeling. Everyone either finds love or decides not to get divorced. That’s a successful cruise!

This cruise was fun in its silly way. Bob Mackie definitely won the fashion show. Though the designers may not have been comfortable on camera and McClean Stevenson looked like he was on the verge of jumping overboard from embarrassment, this was The Love Boat at its most entertaining.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 9/22/24 — 9/28/24

Posted on September 28, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Just as with last week, I’ve been busy getting ready for Horrorthon and watching a lot of movies. I haven’t watched much episodic television over the past few days.

I binged my way through several episodes of Fantasy Island and The Love Boat. I’ll be reviewing those episodes over the next few weeks. I watched the second season finale and the the third season premiere of Miami Vice. I’ll be posting my thoughts on the show tomorrow. I watched a few episodes of One Step Beyond, a horror-themed anthology show from the 60s. I’ll be posting episodes of that show throughout October. The fun thing about One Step Beyond is that all of the shows were claimed to be based on fact. Every episode seems like it should feature Criswell asking, “Can you prove it didn’t happen?”

On Netflix, I watched the second season of Monsters (the Ryan Murphy-produced true crime anthology show and not the old Canadian anthology series that I review for this site). This time, the series focused on Lyle and Erik Menendez. Though overstuffed with ten episodes, it was a clear improvement over the first season. At first, I was worried that the series was going to glamourize the Menendez brothers in much the same way that it previously glamourized Jeffrey Dahmer. Fortunately, that didn’t happen. The Menendez brothers came across as being two spoiled rich sociopaths and the fact that one of them reached out from prison to complain about how he was portrayed leads me to suspect that the miniseries got closer to the truth than some of the other shows that have been made about the Menendez murders. As is typical of Ryan Murphy’s miniseries, the end result was uneven and occasionally a bit tasteless but it was still interesting to watch. I plan to write and post a longer review sometime next week.

Speaking of Ryan Murphy-produced true crime, I watched the third episode of American Sports Story: Aaron Hernandez. It was okay, even if it did feel as if it wasn’t really adding anything new to what we previously learned from the first two episodes. I liked Patrick Schwarzenegger’s portrayal of Tim Tebow, even the show itself didn’t exactly treat the character fairly. The actor playing Aaron Hernandez continues to come across as being a bit of a blank.

I plan to get caught up with Survivor next week. I might even check in on the Big Brother House, now that this season is nearly over. I did get a chance to watch the premiere of Hell’s Kitchen this week. I can’t wait for the first dinner service and elimination. Just based on the first episode, this looks like it will be another good season. Unlike Jeff Probst, who seems obsessed with changing Survivor simply for the sake of changing it, Gordon Ramsay seems to understand that there’s no need to fix something that is already working. I always enjoy Hell’s Kitchen and I’m looking forward to this season.

And that’s it for this week!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.24 “That Old Gang of Mine/Love with a Skinny Stranger/Vicki and the Gambler”

Posted on September 25, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Vicki learns how to gamble.

Episode 4.24 “That Old Gang of Mine/Love with a Skinny Stranger/Vicki and the Gambler”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on April 11th, 1981)

It’s an anniversary cruise!

Captain Stubing and Vicki are celebrating the anniversary of Vicki coming to live on the boat with her father. Captain Stubing has already picked out the gift that he’s going to give Vicki, a beautiful and valuable pearl necklace. As for Vicki, there’s a watch in the boat’s gift shop that she would love to give her father but she can’t afford it. Then again, Vicki is the Captain’s daughter. Can’t she just take whatever she wants? I mean, who is going to snitch on the Captain’s daughter? Add to that, it was only two weeks ago that the manager of the gift shop was juggling three lovers on one cuise. Who is she to judge anything Vicki might do?

Admirably, Vicki is an honest person and does not want to just steal something for her father. But when her father’s old friend, Wade Hubbard (Gene Barry), boards the ship, he shows Vicki that she can easily make enough money to buy the watch by betting on a horse race! Wade, it turns out, is a compulsive gambler and Vicki soon falls under his influence. Captain Stubing is not happy about that so Wade pretends to lose all of his money (and Vicki’s necklace!) in order to trick Vicki into not only hating him but also hating gambling.

You know, Wade and Captain Stubing could have just told Vicki not to gamble anymore. Vicki seems like she’s pretty smart and level-headed so I’m sure she would have listened if Wade and the Captain had just told her that they didn’t want her placing bets as a minor. Instead, Wade created an elaborate lie and basically traumatized Vicki for life. That seems a bit extreme to me but, then again, I don’t have a gambling problem.

As for the other passengers, Patty Beller (Vicki Lawrence) is stunned when she discovers that her long-distance boyfriend, Phil Manning (Charles Siebert), has spent the last month at a fat farm and is now totally athletic and handsome. Patty always took it for granted that Phil would only have eyes for her but suddenly, every other woman on the cruise appears to be trying to get his attention. This story would have perhaps worked better if Patty hadn’t come across as being so self-centered. Phil explains that he lost the weight because he was worried about his health and tired of people making fun of him. To me, it seems like Phil should be applauded for his self-discipline and his desire to make a better life for himself. Instead, Patty gets upset that Phil is taking care of himself. Seriously, Phil — you can do better!

Finally, three old-time crooks (Jack Gilford, Jesse White, and Kaye Ballard) board the cruise and make plans to rob the safe. That shouldn’t be too hard since Gopher is the person in charge of watching the safe. However, the crooks are all elderly and out-of-touch with life in the swinging 80s. The safecracker has gone deaf and needs someone else to listen as he turns the dial. It’s all a bit silly but it was kind of a sweet story, largely due to the performances of Gilford, White, and Ballard.

The safecracker’s story aside, this episode of The Love Boat was a bit of a sour ride. Between Wade lying to Vicki and Patty wishing that her boyfriend was at risk for heart disease, this just wasn’t a very likable cruise. Hopefully, next week will be a bit more fashionable. Considering that the upcoming episode guest stars Glorida Vanderbilt, Bob Mackie, and Halston, I imagine it will be.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 9/15/24 — 9/21/24

Posted on September 21, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I have spent most of this week getting ready for the annual October Horrorthon, which means that I’ve been watching a lot of horror movies and not a lot of television. As a matter of fact, I haven’t watched one episode of Big Brother this year and I didn’t even realize that Survivor started last week.

(Most years, I blog about Big Brother for another site but, due to my father’s passing, I took a leave of absence of this year. I may, however, write about Survivor because it’s only a once-a-week show as opposed to a 7-day a week gig.)

Here’s a few thoughts on what I did watch this week:

American Sports Story: Aaron Hernandez (FX)

I watched the first two episodes of the latest Ryan Murphy-produced true crime miniseries on Saturday. This show deals with the life and crimes of Aaron Hernandez, a pro football player who ended up going to prison for murder and who is suspected of carrying out a lot more murders over the course of his short life. The first two episodes followed Aaron in high school and college, struggling to live up to his father’s ambitions and also with his own sexuality. The episodes were well-directed but I have to admit that the culture of sports remains extremely odd to me. So far, the defining image of the series is a bunch of naked football players hugging on each other while loudly talking about how much they hated anything that they considered to be gay.

So far, Josh Andres Rivera is believable as Aaron, even if he doesn’t exactly have the most exciting screen presence. Then again, Aaron Hernandez appears to have been kind of an idiot so maybe it makes sense that he would be kind of a blah person. The best performance so far has come from Tony Yazbeck as Aaron’s college coach.

The Emmy Awards (ABC)

Jeff and I watched the ceremony on Sunday but we muted it fairly early on. From what I saw, it was a pretty boring ceremony, up until Hacks beat The Bear for Best Comedy. I’m not really a huge fan of Hacks but it’s definitely more of a comedy than The Bear. That said, and this may be my film snobbery coming through, The Emmys have always felt a bit pointless when compared to the Oscars. Maybe that’s the Oscars have different nominees every year whereas the Emmys will nominate Only Murders In The Building until it finally ends its run.

Get Judged By Byron Browne (Nosey)

I watched an episode on Friday, in between horror movies. A guy called in, upset because his father sold his childhood home. (The guy had been led to believe, by his grandmother, that the house belonged to him.) Byron basically told the guy that promises from grandma have no legal standing. Poor guy. I felt bad for him. GIVE THE MAN HIS HOUSE!

The Jerry Springer Show (Nosey)

The episode I watched on Monday featured Jerry interviewing the Ku Klux Klan and the Black Hebrew Israelites (which, despite the name, is a Black supremacist group) at the same time. Needless to say, none of them were happy about being on stage together and the whole thing devolved into a bunch of shouting. One white woman in the audience shouted that black men received the right to vote before white women. A black woman then said that the Bible says that women are not supposed to vote because men were created first. It was a strange episode.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

Read this week’s review here!

Miami Vice (Prime)

Read this week’s review here!

Monsters (YouTube)

I binged and wrote reviews of several episodes of Monsters. Read this week’s review here!

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

This Friday, I watched an old episode of this 90s music show. It was all about guitar rock and it was pretty cool. Of course, the whole thing was pretty much just videos of Eric Clapton, Stevie Ray Vaughn, and Jeff Beck but they all sounded good. This EDM girl enjoyed listening to them.

One Step Beyond (YouTube)

I watched a few episodes of this paranormal anthology show on Thursday as I prepared for this year’s Horrorthon.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.23 “The Duel/Two For Julie/Aunt Hilly”

Posted on September 18, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Hollywood royalty boards the Love Boat!

Episode 4.23 “The Duel/Two For Julie/Aunt Hilly”

(Dir by Ray Austin, originally aired on March 14th, 1981)

Who is Aunt Hilly?

She’s Olivia de Havilland!

And who is Aunt Hilly’s latest husband, Col. Von Ryker?

He’s Joseph Cotten, making his final screen appearance before retiring from acting!

Even for a show that was known for featuring stars from Hollywood’s Golden Age, de Havilland and Cotten are welcome additions to this episode of The Love Boat. They bring a lot of class to the ship, both as themselves and as the characters that they’re playing. It’s not just all of the wonderful Hollywood history that they bring with them. It’s also that they both give charming performances, showing that they still had the screen presence that made them stars to begin with.

Hilly is Captain Stubing’s aunt, a wealthy woman who has devoted so much of her life to work that she missed out on spending much time with her family. She wants to make up for the past by arranging for Vicki to attend an exclusive private school in Switzerland. Captain Stubing is reluctant but ultimately, he agrees that it would be best for Vicki to be able to have friends her own age and to get a formal education as opposed to just receiving lessons from the occasionally mentioned but never-seen tutor who apparently lives on the Love Boat.

However, Col. Van Ryker knows that Vicki would be happier on the boat and that Hilly is just trying to deal with her own guilt over her strained relationship with her son, Conrad. With the Colonel’s gentle help, Hilly realizes that it would be better for Vicki to stay with Captain Stubing.

Now, to be honest, I do kind of wonder if it’s a good idea for Vicki to live on the boat. I mean, does she really have any friends outside of the members of the crew, all of whom are much older than her? Personally, I think going to school is Switzerland and spending her summers on the Love Boat would have been a great idea. But no matter! This was a sweet story. What I really appreciated is that, even though they were on opposite sides, both the Captain and the Aunt had the best of intentions and motivations. It would have been easy to just portray Hilly as being a snob who thought living on a cruise ship was beneath the dignity of a Stubing. Instead, she was a genuinely nice woman trying to do what she felt was the right thing. Gavin MacLeod, Jill Whelan, Olivia de Havilland, and Joseph Cotten all did wonderful work with this story.

The other two stories were overshadowed by Cotten and de Havilland. In the sillier of the two, Linda Cristal played a woman who tried to make her husband jealous by flirting with Doc Bricker. Her husband (Alejandro Rey) reacted by challenging Doc to a duel. Isaac and Gopher tried to convince the husband that Doc was an experienced and deadly duelist. Again, it was just as silly as it sounds.

Meanwhile, Julie had two men (Ken Kercheval and Dack Rambo) hitting on her. The two men were also competing to be the new vice president of Don Ameche’s company. In the end, Julie remained single and good for her.

One silly story. One boring story. And one story that was so good that the other two stories didn’t matter. This was a great cruise.