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Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.10 “Kind of a Drag”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

Episode 1.10 “Kind of a Drag”

(Dir by Bernard L. Kowalski, originally aired on December 2nd, 1995)

Someone is putting on a dress and a rubber Richard Nixon mask and attacking drag performers!  After one performer is pulled out of the ocean (“It’s a wig!” a lifeguard shouts after pulling off the performer’s blonde hair), Mitch, Garner, and Ryan are hired to discover what’s going on.

They suspect that the attacker could be Duncan Valentine (Stuart Fratkin), the son of a former sitcom star who is trying to put together a movie about her life.  (His mother’s catchphrase was, “Wait until your father comes home!”)  Needless to say, someone is going to have to go undercover as a drag performer to catch the killer.  Which means that it’s time for Ryan to give Mitch a makeover!

Garner also goes undercover as Whoopi Goldberg but we don’t really get to see much of him in his red dress and wig.

While Mitch is performing a song, the assailant in the Richard Nixon mask shoots him!  No worries.  Mitch is wearing a bullet-proof vest.  What does worry me is that the assailant then heads to the dressing room but no one bothers to call the police or follow him down there.  Are they trying to catch this guy or not?  Instead, everyone gathers around Mitch to make sure that he’s okay.  Eventually, Ryan does say, “Call 911,” but I’m not sure why you would wait so long to do that when there’s a gun-toting maniac in the same building as you.

Anyway, it turns out that Duncan is innocent.  Instead, the assailant is revealed to be a drag performer who is upset that he wasn’t cast as Duncan’s mother in the biopic.

This episode was …. actually, considering that it’s from the 90s, it could have been worse.  Yes, a good deal of the show is taken up with scenes of David Hasselhoff struggling to walk in heels and revealing that no one has ever taught him the right way to sit down while wearing a short skirt.  (Ryan really should have given him some advice as far as that’s concerned.)  And yes, Mitch’s girlfriend did happen walk in on Mitch while he was wearing a dress.  (Fortunately, she’s thrilled to discover that Mitch is getting in touch with his feminine side.)  And yes, the villain did turn out to be a deranged drag performer who apparently believed that he actually was Duncan Valentine’s mother.  However, for the most part, the show did treat the other drag performers with respect and it didn’t attempt to play the attacks on them for laughs.  Mitch, Garner, and Ryan treat them like they would any other clients.  In 1995, that was probably the best anyone could expect.

Next week, the show undergoes the first of many format changes!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: CHiPs 1.10 “Highway Robbery”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Baker meets an old friend and Ponch is nearly commits a crime.

Episode 1.10 “Highway Robbery”

(Dir by Nicholas Colasanto, originally aired on December 1st, 1977)

There’s a man on a motorcycle who is driving up and down the highways of California.  Whenever he comes across a traffic jam, he pulls up to people’s car and snatches whatever he can.  One man loses his wallet and his watch.  A woman has her purse taken.  When Ponch and Baker arrest him, the thief is revealed to be Leo Norrison (David Wilson), an old high school classmate of Baker’s.

Baker and Leo used to play on the school’s football team.  As Baker explains it, Leo was the student that everyone looked up to.  He was “Mr. Most Likely To Succeed.”  However, Leo fell on hard times after high school.  He won a scholarship to play football in college but then he flunked the entrance exam.  He joined the army but ended up losing his temper and striking his captain.  Now, with a dishonorable discharge on his record, Leo is unemployable and bitter.

Baker offers to help Leo out and Leo seems to appreciate the offer.  But, soon enough, Leo is back to stealing purses.  When Baker and Ponch arrest him for a second time, it’s clear that Leo will not be getting any more chances at redemption.

Wow, what a sad story for an episode of CHiPs!  Larry Wilcox can be a bit of a stiff actor but he actually did a really good job in this episode.  Baker couldn’t believe that his high school hero was now a petty criminal and Leo couldn’t believe that Baker had ever looked up to him.  As I watched this episode, I found myself wondering how many of my old high school classmates were now in jail.

Of course, this episode wasn’t all sad.  For instance, there was a rather lengthy scene that centered around a minor accident involving a traveling circus.  One of the circus’s elephants helped to pull a truck over to the side of the road.  Good elephant!

And then there was Ponch’s storyline.  In this episode, Ponch is even more cringey than usual.  He has grown obsessed with a model in an ad for suntan lotion, to the extent that he’s constantly putting on suntan lotion and he has a cut-out of the ad hanging in his locker.  When Ponch learn that the model is a friend of Getraer’s family, Ponch begs Getraer to set him up on a blind date.  Getraer says it’s not a good idea but Ponch insists.  Finally, Getraer relents.

Ponch shows up at the model’s house and discovers that Getraer is already there, having a glass of brandy with the model’s father (James Beach).  They tell Ponch that “Janey” will be right down.  When Janey (Wendy Fredericks) finally does come down to meet her date, Ponch is shocked to discover that …. SHE’S 15!

Getraer mention that Janey looks older in photographs.  Baker and two other officers — Fitz (Lew Saunders) and Grossman (Paul Linke, a future series regular) — step into the living room and start laughing.  Getraer laughs.  Janey’s father laughs.  Janey accepts Ponch’s flowers and then rests her head on his shoulder as the credits role….

So, just to repeat — SHE’S FIFTEEN!

Obviously, Ponch didn’t know that but still, it’s bizarre to see Janey’s father laughing about a 30 year-old showing up at the house to go on a date with his fifteen year-old daughter.  Getraer essentially set Ponch up to potentially commit a felony and everyone thinks its hilarious.  As the end credits rolled, I kept expecting Chris Hansen to step in the room and demand that everyone have a seat and explain what exactly it is they though they were doing.

Weird episode.  The stuff involving Leo was surprisingly well-done for this show.  The stuff with Ponch was truly cringe-inducing.  I mean, even if Janey had been an adult, Ponch’s obsession with her would have been creepy.  In the end, Baker’s friend went to jail and Ponch was thoroughly humiliated.  I guess it all balances out.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 1.18 “Made For Each Other”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, two supporting players get an episode all their own.

Episode 1.18 “Made For Each Other”

(Dir by Rob Cohen, originally aired on March 8th, 1985)

After spending most of the first season as background comedic relief, Detectives Switek (Michael Talbott) and Zito (John Diehl) are at the center of this week’s episode of Miami Vice.

With the Vice Squad trying to make a case against criminal fence John Costeleda (Johnny “Vatos” Hernandez), Switek and Zito recruit two informants — Noogie (Charlie Barnett) and Izzy (Martin Ferrero) — and send them in undercover to get close to Costeleda’s lieutenant, an electronic store owner named “Bonzo” Barry Gold (Mark Linn-Baker).  For once, it’s Zito and Switek who are pushing ethical boundaries to take down the bad guy though, notably, they never get quite as angsty about it as either Crockett or Tubbs.  If Crockett and Tubbs are secretly aware that they’re fighting a losing war against crime, Switek and Zito are a bit more earnest in their outlook.

This episode also takes a look at Switek and Zito’s life outside of Vice.  Zito likes to take care of fish and is something of an eccentric.  Switek is dating Darlene (Ellen Greene), who used to date Zito.  Switek is also a big fan of Elvis, though Darlene has tossed almost all of his Elvis stuff out of the apartment and instead replaced it with pictures of Princess Diana and baby Harry.  (Prince Harry’s father is not seen in any of the pictures.  Neither is the future King Charles III.)  When Zito’s house explodes due to a gas leak, he moves in with Switek and Darlene.  Darlene is not particularly happy about that and, by the end of the episode, Switek has decided that his partner is more important to him than his girlfriend.  As the title says, Switek and Zito are made for each other.

I like the fact that Miami Vice would occasionally allow people other than Crockett and Tubbs to headline an episode.  After all, the show is called Miami Vice and there’s more to the Vice Squad than just Crockett’s houseboat and Tubbs’s fake Jamaican accent.  Michael Talbott and especially John Diehl are both likable in their roles, with Diehl in particular making Zito into the type of strange guy who you can’t help but love.  That said, this episode was a bit too silly for its own good.  It would have been interesting to see Zito and Switek go after the type of criminals that Crockett and Tubbs regularly went after but instead, Costeleda was too much of a buffoon to really be a serious threat.  The emphasis here was on comedy but Miami Vice works better as a serious show with funny moments than as a funny show with serious moments.

It was nice to see that Zito and Switek were made for each other but, otherwise, this episode never worked as well as one might hope.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Degrassi Junior High 2.3 “Great Expectations”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

Finally, after being preempted two weeks in a row, Degrassi Junior High returns!

Episode 2.3 “Great Expectations”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on January 18th, 1988)

There’s a new student at Degrassi Junior High.  Her name is Liz O’Rourke (Cathy Keenan) and she’s not happy to be starting at a new school in a new country.  (Liz formerly went to school in London.)  Liz dismisses the students at Degrassi as being a bunch of “preppy” snobs and Stephanie and the Farrell twins do their best to prove her right by making a bunch of catty comments and making her feel even more like an outsider.  Only Spike and Joey attempt to befriend Liz.  Spike knows how it feels to be an outsider at Degrassi.  As for Joey, he’s desperate to lose his virginity and he’s convinced himself that Liz, because of the way she dresses (even though she doesn’t dress all that differently from anyone else at the school), wants to have sex with him.  When Joey shows up at Liz’s house to work on a school project and then, from out of nowhere, asks to have sex with her, Liz kicks him out.

Oh, this episode broke my heart.  As someone who moved around a lot when she was younger and who frequently had to get used to new schools and as someone who learned early on that teenage boys almost always had one thing on their mind, I knew exactly what Liz was going through.  In true Degrassi style, this episode opened with Liz feeling miserable about starting at a new school and ended with her feeling even more miserable about being at a new school.  One of the many things that set Degrassi apart from and elevated it over other teen shows was that Degrassi rarely ended on an altogether happy note.  The problems that the students dealt with on Degrassi could rarely be solved in just 30 minutes.  Cathy Keenan did a great job capturing Liz’s brief hope that she may have found a new friend and also the crushing heartbreak of discovering that friend was only talking to her because he thought she was “easy.”

For those of us who first discovered the character on Degrassi: The Next Generation, it can be a bit jarring to see the way Joey Jeremiah behaves on Degrassi Junior High.  There’s a big difference between the mature, adult Joey of Degrassi: The Next Generation and the immature and self-centered Joey of Degrassi Junior High.  But I suppose that’s true of most people.  Everyone does foolish things when they’re younger and everyone makes mistakes when they’re immature and unsure of themselves.  As the episode ends, Joey tells Wheels that he actually did like Liz and that he made a huge mistake.  Joey realizes what he did was wrong but that’s not going to make things any easier for Liz, who starts another day of school while feeling more alone than ever.

Things work out a bit better for Arthur and Yick Yu.  Arthur is freaking out because he’s been having wet dreams so Yick encourages Arthur to call Dr. Sally (Sue Johanson), a sex educator who has her own radio show.  Arthur calls and Dr. Sally tells him that his dreams do not make him a pervert.  It’s a pretty simple storyline but an important one as it introduces the character of Dr. Sally, who will be mentioned many times throughout both Degrassi Junior High and Degrassi: The Next Generation.  It’s also an important storyline because of the contrast between how Arthur and Joey handle their questions about sex.  Arthur asks an adult and is lucky enough to get a straight-forward and nonjudgmental answer.  Joey convinces himself that he’s ready for sex when he’s obviously not, freaks out just trying to buy condoms, and then ruins his friendship with Liz.

Finally, Stephanie is once again secretly changing into her trampy clothes at school in an attempt to get Simon to notice her.  However, whenever Stephanie tries to talk to Simon, she gets interrupted by the Alex, the dorky student council treasurer.  Even if Alex didn’t keep showing up, I doubt it would have made a difference.  Simon’s just not that into her.

This was a sad episode but I’m glad I finally reviewed it!  Between taking time off for the holidays and getting ill, I was worried I’d never review Degrassi again!  But, as the theme song says: “In yourself, you must believe.”

Retro Television Review: Thief (dir by William A. Graham)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1971’s Thief!  It  can be viewed on Tubi and YouTube.

Neal Wilkinson (Richard Crenna) would appear to be living a great life.  He has a nice house in the suburbs.  He has a beautiful girlfriend named Jean Melville (Angie Dickinson).  As he heads into middle-age, he is still fit and handsome and charming.  He dresses well, or at least well by the standards of the early 70s.  (By the standards of today, a few of his ties are a bit too wide.)  Everyone believes that Neal has a nice and comfortable job as an insurance agent.

Of course, the truth is far different.

Neal is a veteran con man and a thief.  He’s just recently been released from prison and his deceptively friendly parole officer (played by the great character actor, Michael Lerner) is convinced that Neal will screw up again eventually.  And, of course, Neal has screwed up.  A gambling addict, he is $30,000 in debt.  Can Neal steal enough jewelry from enough suburban homes to pay off his debt?  Can a man like Neal change his ways?

This is a surprisingly somber made-for-TV movie.  Just from the plot description and the film’s first few minutes, you might expect Thief to be a light-hearted caper film in which Neal and Jean work together to pull off one last heist so that Neal can retire.  Instead, Neal spends almost the entire film lying to Jean and there’s hardly a light moment to be found.  Neal says that he wants to retire from his life of crime but, as the film makes clear, that’s a lie that he’s telling himself.  Neal cannot stop stealing and gambling because he’s as much of an addict as the wild-haired junkie (Michael C. Gwynne) who briefly confronts Neal at the parole office.  At one point, Jean tells Neal, “The more I know you, the less I know you,” but the truth of the matter is that Neal is so deep in denial about the futility of his life that he doesn’t even know himself.

It’s not a particularly happy film.  Richard Crenna is ideally cast as Neal, playing him with enough charm that the viewer can buy that he could talk his way out of being caught in a stranger’s backyard but with also with vulnerability that the viewer can see his fate, even if he can’t.  Thief also provides a rare opportunity to see Cameron Mitchell playing a sympathetic role.  Mitchell is cast as Neal’s attorney, who continually tries to get Neal to stop messing up but who ultimately knows that his attempts to reform Neal are just as futile as Neal’s attempts to go straight.

The movie ends on a surprisingly fatalistic note, one that suggests that there’s only one way to truly escape from a life of crime.  I can only imagine how viewers responded in 1971, when they turned on their television and found themselves watching not a light-hearted caper film but instead a bleak examination of criminal ennui.  It’s not a happy film but it is more than worth watching for Richard Crenna’s lead performance.

Song of the Day: Lo and Behold, covered by Marjoe Gortner

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s Marjoe Gortner’s birthday!

Marjoe is a former child evangelist who, in 1972, appeared in the candid documentary, Marjoe.  The Oscar-winning film featured a look behind the scenes of the religious revival industry, with Marjoe as an amoral tour guide who discussed how he didn’t believe what he was preaching and who had basically been forced into the business by his parents.  Marjoe described how every word he preached was calculated to inspire people to donate more money to his ministry.  Marjoe described himself as being “bad but not evil.”

Marjoe Gortner would go on to have a long career as an actor in films, usually playing sinister characters.  His most-seen film was probably Earthquake.  My favorite Marjoe film is Starcrash.

In 1972, Marjoe recorded an album called, after his famous documentary quote, Bad But Not Evil.  Today’s song of the day is Marjoe Gortner covering Bob Dylan’s Lo and Behold on that album.

Happy birthday, Marjoe Gortner!

I pulled out for San Anton’I never felt so goodMy woman said she’d meet me thereAnd of course, I knew she would
The coachman, he hit me for my hookAnd he asked me my nameI give it to him right awayThen I hung my head in shame
Lo and behold! Lo and behold!Looking for my lo and beholdGet me outta here, my dear man
I come into PittsburghAt 6:30 flatI found myself a vacant seatAnd I put down my hat
“What’s the matter, Molly, dear?What’s the matter with your mound?”“What’s it to ya, Moby Dick?This is chicken town!”
Lo and behold! Lo and behold!Looking for my lo and beholdGet me outta here, my dear man
I bought myself a herd of mooseOne she could call her ownWell, she came out the very next dayTo see where they had flown
I’m going down to TennesseeGet me a truck or somethingGonna save my money and rip it up
Lo and behold! Lo and behold!Looking for my lo and beholdGet me outta here, my dear man
Now, I come in on a Ferris wheelAnd boys, I sure was slickI come in like a ton of bricksLaid a few tricks on them
Going back to PittsburghCount up to 30Round that horn and ride that herdGonna thread up
Lo and behold! Lo and behold!Looking for my lo and beholdGet me outta here, my dear man

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Check It Out! 1.14 “Supermarket Superbowlers”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week is all about bowling!  Wasn’t CHiPs also all about bowling this week?

Episode 1.14 “Supermarket Superbowlers”

(Dir by John Bell, originally aired on January 15th, 1986)

Cobb’s has got a bowling team!

They’ve managed to get into the league finals and, according to Howard, all of the credit goes to their stockboy, Murray.  Murray may not be good at bagging groceries but he is apparently a great bowler.  He’s such a good bowler that it doesn’t even matter that Edna is a terrible bowler.  In fact, Edna is so bad that she doesn’t even get to bowl.  The only reason she is on the team is so she can step in if someone gets injured.

Someone does get injured!  Murray breaks his arm and right before the big game too.  However, Mrs. Cobb (Barbara Hamilton) has told Howard that she wants the store to win that championship trophy and she’ll give everyone on the team a $500 bonus if they win.  But if Edna plays, they don’t have a chance.  In order to keep Edna on the sidelines, Jack Christian tracks down a former pro bowler and hires him to be the temporary stock boy.  “Big Ed” Politowski (J. Winston Carroll) is a total slob who doesn’t appear to have taken a shower in months but apparently, he’s really good with a bowling ball.

Seeing how disappointed Edna is, Howard decides to fake a foot injury so that he’ll have to withdraw from the team and Edna will be able to play in his place.  But, no sooner has he faked one injury than Christian drops a bowling ball on Howard’s other foot.  (Why was Christian walking around the store with a bowling ball?  I’m not sure.)  Big Ed picks up Howard to take him to the hospital, which leads to an unseen but definitely heard crash in the parking lot.

The end result is that Howard ends up on crutches, the store does not win the trophy, and no one gets five hundred dollars.  But everyone is really impressed by the fact that Howard faked an injury just so Edna could play.  Of course, if Howard hadn’t faked an injury, they might have won the tournament and they would all be five hundred dollars richer.  Apparently, Cobb’s only hires those who have a very, very generous spirit.

This was a fairly forgettable episode, one in which there really weren’t any stakes other than a trophy and a little extra money.  Considering the big deal that Mrs. Cobb made about wanting to win that trophy, no one seemed to be particularly worried about any bad consequences from losing the game.  Considering that Murray broke his arm at work, no one seemed to be worried about whether or not he would recover or perhaps sue the store.  There were no consequences to anything that happened in this story and that’s fine.  Not everything has to be a matter of life and death.

Probably the most interesting thing about this episode is that neither Alf the Security Guard nor Jennifer the Cashier appeared.  In-universe, I going to assume the episode took place on their off-days but you do have to wonder if either one of them could bowl.

 

 

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 1/7/24 — 1/13/24

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I’m sitting here as a cold front rolls through my town.  The temperature is way below freezing and it will remain that way for at least the next three days.  So, I look forward to hiding underneath a lot of blankets and watching a lot of TV between now and Thursday morning.

Here’s some thoughts on what I watched this week:

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Check It Out (Tubi)

My review of Check It Out will be dropping later tonight.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

My review of Degrassi Junior High will (finally) post tomorrow!  Keep hope alive!

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

On Tuesday afternoon, I had a two-part episode of Dr. Phil on as background nose.  Dr. Phil was talking to people who felt their sons and daughters had been brainwashed by a cult in Louisiana.  And indeed, they had been.  Cults are weird.  I never know how to react to people who fall for that stuff.

Fantasy Island (YouTube)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Highway to Heaven (YouTube)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Maury (YouTube)

On Friday, I used two paternity tests episodes of Maury for background noise while I was watching.  I feel very disappointed in myself.  On Saturday, I disappointed myself even further by watching an episode of Maury that featured lie detector tests.

Miami Vice (Tubi)

I wrote about Miami Vice here!

Monsters (Tubi)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

On Friday, I watched an episode of this show from the 90s.  It featured music video profiles of The Kinks and The Cure, along with a tour of Universal Studios.

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

I watched an episode of this ancient talk show on Thursday.  Sally talked to kids who were being bullied and then confronted the bullies on the air.  I felt bad for all of the bullied kids, except for the one who said being bulled made him hate America.  If that’s how you feel, move.

On Friday, I watched an episode about women who could not forgive their men for cheating.  I don’t blame them but I bet half of them ended up marrying the guy anyways.

Saved By The Bell (Sunday Morning, MeTV)

Casey Kasem hosted a dance contest and encouraged everyone to do the sprain.  Jessie freaked out because a short guy wanted to date her.  A new substitute teacher taught everyone to appreciate Shakespeare.  Wow, this was a dumb but addictive show.

The Steve Wilkos Show (YouTube)

On Tuesday afternoon, I put on an episode of Steve Wilkos for background noise.  Steve was screaming at a woman who he felt was an unfit mother.  And who knows?  Maybe she was an unfit mother.  But Steve definitely came across as being a bully and his chanting audience didn’t help matters.

On Saturday morning, I watched an episode in which Wilkos threw several chairs across the stage while the crowd chanted, “Steve!  Steve!  Steve!”

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Turn-On! (YouTube)

I wrote about the second episode of Turn-On! here!

TV 2000 (Night Flight Plus)

On Friday night, I watched an episode of this old music video show.  The episode was from 1985 and it featured a lot of good music, along with some slightly annoying hosts.

Welcome Back Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back, Kotter here!

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.5 “Buddy, Can You Spare A Million?”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Gabe is really poor and Epstein has a chance to get really rich!

Episode 3.5 “Buddy, Can You Spare A Million?”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 29th, 1977)

Gabe tells Julie a joke about his Aunt Brenda, who believed in reincarnation.  Brenda went to a psychic to find out what had happened to her late husband, Sidney.  Sidney’s spirit informed Brenda that he woke up every morning and made love.

“Are you in Heaven?” asked Brenda.

“No,” Sidney said, “I’m a bull in Montana.”

Welcome back….

Continuing this season’s weird thing of keeping Barbarino separate from his fellow Sweathogs, this episode finds Barbarino in the hospital.  It’s nothing serious.  He’s just getting his tonsils out.  However, since Barbarino is not in school (and not even in the 11th Grade until he passes that makeup exam), he is not around to contribute his weekly quarter to the Sweathogs’s lottery fund.  Gabe reluctantly contributes a quarter in Vinnie’s name so that Epstein can buy a ticket.

Gabe’s reluctance turns to frustration when the ticket turns out to be a winner!  The Sweathogs split the money amongst themselves but all Gabe gets is a quarter from Barbarino.  As the father of newborn twins, Gabe could really use some of that money.  Finally, after Julie basically calls him a wimp to his face, Gabe heads down to the hospital to demand his share of the money.  As Gabe puts it, Barbarino gave him his word about sharing the money.

“My word ain’t worth nothing,” Barbarino says but we all know that Vinnie Barbarino isn’t as tough as he pretend to be.  Barbarino does the right thing and agrees to split his share with Gabe, 50/50.

(Except, of course, I think it’s debatable whether it was the right thing because Gabe only put in a quarter because Barbarino wasn’t there to do it himself.  He essentially loaned Barbarino the quarter and Barbarino paid him back.  So, really, Gabe should stop whining.)

Because his ticket won, Epstein is entered into a million dollar lottery.  Epstein and Horshack go to Gabe’s apartment to watch the drawing.  The million dollars is won by Juan Ep — EVERYONE GOES CRAZY! — uh oh, the announcer can’t make out the handwriting!

“Epstein!” everyone yells at the TV.

“Juan Eppinger!” the announcer says.

Congrats, Juan Eppinger!  Unfortunately, Juan Epstein is not Juan Eppinger.  Esptein looks like he’s about to cry, making this kind of a depressing ending.

Fortunately, Juan’s misfortunate does not keep Gabe from telling a stuffed animal a joke about his Uncle Eddie, the bank robber.

This episode felt a bit off, just because Barbarino belongs with the Sweathogs and the Sweathogs belong with Barbarino and keeping them all separate throws off the chemistry that made the first two seasons so successful.  I’m going to assume this was due to Travolta also doing Saturday Night Fever while working on Welcome Back, Kotter.  I imagine the show had to work around Travolta’s suddenly very busy schedule and this was not an easy task.  But still, without Barbarino, the Sweathogs are just lacking something and turning Horshack’s weirdness up to 11 is not substitute.

Next week …. Barbarino finally takes his makeup exam!

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 2.12 “Wendell’s Story”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

T.S. Turner protects a man who finds some money!  Didn’t he already do this?

Episode 2.12 “Wendell’s Story”

(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on January 30th, 1990)

Who is Wendell?

Wendell (played by Wayne Robson) is beloved figured in this show’s fictional Canadian city.  Wendell lives on the streets, sleeping in a tent in an alley and spendinh his days eating whatever food he happens to come across.  Wendell is good-natured and he doesn’t take it personally when the local teenagers toss a half-eaten apple at him.  Wendell is such a nice guy that, when he comes across a duffel bag full of money, he doesn’t keep the money for himself but he instead starts handing it out to random people.  It’s his way of thanking everyone for helping him and everyone is very polite about waiting their turn to be handed some money.

Way to go, Wendell!

Unfortunately, the duffel bag belonged to two incompetent crooks named Errol (Gareth Bennett) and Fritz (Dominic Cuzzocrea).  Now, when I say incompetent …. listen, T and T has featured it’s share of dumb criminals but there have never been any dumb as these two.  Not only do they lose the duffel bag but they also continually lose track of Wendell.  They’re the type of crooks whose ammo clips regularly fall out of the guns.  These guys may be incompetent but they do fire a gun at T.S. at one point.  T.S. escapes injury but, as he explains to Amy, shooting at him makes things “personal.”

T.S.’s plan to protect Wendell and catch the bad guys is to have his friend Decker wear a fake beard and pretend to be Wendell.  It’s a good plan, except the bad guys come up with a similar plan and, as a result, there are two fake Wendells wandering around and T.S. has to figure out which one to beat up.  T.S. gets so confused that it gives the bad guys time to to get the drop on him.  Fortunately, the bad guys once again fail to load their guns correctly, which gives T.S. and Decker time to knock them both out with one punch.

This was not a particularly complicated episode.  Nor was it a very suspenseful one, as the bad guys were such idiots that they never came across as being any sort of threat.  More time was spent with Wendell teaching Joe how to live on the streets than on the villains trying to get their money back.  (Why is Wendell teaching Joe how to live on the streets?  It was T.S.’s idea, which leads me to wonder if T.S. is planning on kicking Joe out of the gym at some point in the near future.)  As for Amy, she spent most of this episode setting up her new office and getting annoyed with the perfectly nice guy who had an office across the hall.  The show may be called T and T but it’s usually one T who gets to do anything.

This was a bit of a forgettable episode but Mr. T did yell, “Hey, fool!” after the bad guys attempted to shoot him so that was kind of fun.