Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.6 “Counterfeit”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

Tonight’s episode is weird.

Episode 3.6 “Counterfeit”

(Dir by John Florea, originally aired on October 20th, 1979)

Ponch is shocked to discover that he’s carrying several counterfeit twenties.  He turns the money into the Treasure Department, hoping that it will mean receiving an monetary award.  Instead, he’s told that his reward is helping the government crack down  on the bad guys.  Ha!  Take that, Ponch!

That said, you better believe that Ponch is there to help arrest the counterfeiters, who turn out to be a bunch of phony preachers working out of a church.  I know that sounds like the sort of thing that could be interesting.  But, for the most part, these guys are still just generic CHiPs bad guys, even if one of them is played by veteran screen tough guy Ralph Meeker.

Meanwhile, Ponch goes on a date with a woman and is upset when it appears that she’s shallow and doesn’t want to talk about anything that is the least bit intellectual.  That’s our, Ponch!  He’s never shallow!  Fortunately, it turns out that his date isn’t shallow either.  She was just pretending to be shallow to test whether or not Ponch was shallow.  And now, it’s time to dance!  Wait, what?  That doesn’t make any sense.  Ponch — when are you going to settle down?  Disco isn’t going to last forever.

While that’s going on, architect James O’Hara (played by veteran dwarf actor Billy Barty) becomes frustrated with people assuming that he can’t drive because of his size.  He gets tired of all the dumb jokes and the condescending remarks.  As a result, he keeps getting into minor accident whenever he drives on the highway.  This was a strange storyline, largely because O’Hara’s scenes made up over half the episode despite the fact that he had never appeared on the show before and he barely interacted with the members of the Highway Patrol.  A part of me wonders if maybe this episode was meant to be a backdoor pilot for a series about James O’Hara.  The other weird thing about this episode is that O’Hara’s frustration over people making fun of his height was often played for laughs.  The whole thing just felt well-intentioned but oddly tone deaf.

If you’re keeping track, this episode had two Ponch storylines and a storyline about a guy we had never seen before.  Sorry, Baker!  If we had any doubts about who was the favored partner as far as this show goes, this episode erased them.

This whole episode just felt weird.  On the plus side, there was a lot of nice California scenery and there were quite a few accidents, which is the main reason why most people would have been watching the show in the first place.  But this episode really is an example of how a show can get bogged down with a character that we’ve never seen before and that we’ll probably never see again.  The episode just never comes together.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.15 “Duty and Honor”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, another figure from Castillo’s past comes to Miami.

Episode 3.15 “Duty And Honor”

(Dir by John Nicollela, originally aired on February 6th, 1987)

There is apparently some controversy over what this episode should be called.  When it originally aired in 1987, it was called The Savage, after the serial killer who is pursued by Castillo.  When the episode later turned up in syndication, the title was changed to Duty and Honor, a reflection of the fact that the episode links back to Castillo’s (and, to a lesser extent, Crockett’s) service in Vietnam.  Since the imdb has chosen to go with Duty and Honor, I’ve decided to do the same.

The episode opens in Saigon, in the early 70s.  A clean-shaved Castillo (with a pony tail!) investigates the ritualistic murder of a prostitute.  It’s one of several murders that have occurred over the past few days, with all of the victims being sex workers.  Jump forward to Miami in the 80s and prostitutes are now once again being murdered.  Castillo recognizes the M.O. and soon, Crockett and Tubbs are investigating the local VA.  The doctor (Gary Basaraba) refuses to compromise the confidentiality of what his patients have told him but he does allow Crockett and Tubbs to speak to some of them.  One of the patients talks about a mysterious man who was known as The Savage, who was used as an assassin by the CIA.  The Savage was obsessed with killing and hated women because one violent encounter led to him getting castrated.

Tranh (Haing S. Ngor), who investigated the Saigon murders with Castillo, comes to Miami and shows Castillo that, whenever an enemy or critic of the United States has been assassinated overseas, it’s always coincided with a serial killer targeting prostitutes.  Tranh believes The Savage has come to Miami to assassinate a South American activist who is in town to give a speech.  Tranh and Castillo’s investigation leads them to the Savage’s CIA handler, Jack Colman (Brad Sullivan).  Colman makes clear that he really doesn’t care what The Savage does on his own time.

And yes, The Savage (played by Michael Wright), is indeed in Miami and he is killing prostitutes.  As played by Wright, The Savage is one of the most frightening villains to show up on Miami Vice.  He’s a relentless and sadistic killer who has no control over his impulses.  The CIA turned him into a weapon of war and now that the war is over, he no longer has a place in the real world.  Instead, he’s a nightmare creature who exists to execute anyone who Colman considers to be a threat.

(Around the same time this episode aired, Michael Wright also played the high school gang lord in The Principal.)

Up until the final twist, this episode is Miami Vice at its best — dark, moody, thought-provoking, and morally ambiguous.  After spending most of the season staring at the floor, Edward James Olmos finally gets to be the center of the action.  Unfortunately, the film ends with Tranh revealing that he was actually a spy for North Vietnam and that he’s now a colonel in the Vietnamese army.  He leaves Castillo a note, saying that he hopes they can still be friends and promote the type of peaceful world where nations will not create men like The Savage.  And while I agree that the CIA should not be breeding assassins, I still have to say, what’s up with all the pro-commie crap this season, Miami Vice?

Anyway, other than that, this was a good episode.  I should mention that Helena Bonham Carter briefly appears as Sonny’s new girlfriend.  Apparently, she’ll be the center of next week’s episode.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi High 1.9 & 1.10 “Sixteen”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1989 to 1991!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, we have a special one-hour episode of Degrassi High!

Episode 1.9 and 1.10 “Sixteen”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on January 9th, 1990)

Everyone’s turning sixteen at Degrassi High and they’re all dealing with in their own different ways.

Snake and Joey, for instance, are old enough now to take Driver’s Education.  Snake is nervous. Joey says that he’s been driving since he was twelve.  Both of them end up failing their driving test.  Don’t feel bad, guys!  It took me a few tries too!  Snake actually turns out to be an even worse driver than Joey and even takes out a cardboard family at one point.  Thanks to Joey and Snake’s bad driving, their poor driving instructor ends up with two black eyes and wearing a neck brace.  Nancy (Arlene Lott) finally get her first storyline in forever as she easily shows up Joey and Snake and gets her license on the first try.

(When I was learning how to drive, the instructor claimed that I had a lazy eye and yelled at me so much that I went home in tears.  My mom went to the driving school and raised Hell.  I never had to drive with that instructor again.)

Michelle, meanwhile, celebrates her birthday by moving out of her house.  Apparently, in Toronto, you only have to be sixteen to leave your parents and live on your own.  Michelle moves out because her racist father (Richard Krovsky) is upset with her for dating BLT.  Michelle gets her own apartment but she also has to take a job to pay the rent and she soon finds herself exhausted and sleeping through school.  Concerned with his physical and academic well-being, BLT sets aside his differences with Michelle’s father and tells him where to find her.  Michelle and her dad have a conversation.  Michelle is going to continue to live on her own but her father is going to help with the rent.  So …. okay.  I mean, Michelle left him because she didn’t want to live under her father’s rules and that was understandable because Michelle’s father really is a jerk.  But now that she’s on her own, Michelle’s father is going to pay her rent.  So, presumably, Michelle is once again in a position where her Dad can make the rules.  What if he tells her that he won’t pay her rent if she keeps seeing BLT?

While that’s going on, Lucy shoots a video for LD’s 16th birthday.  LD is still in the hospital, battling Leukemia.  LD doesn’t want anyone to know that she’s sick or that she’s lost all of her hair.  Still, Lucy does tell the Farrell twins about what’s going on.  Anyway, there’s a sweet scene in which Lucy, the twins, and Alexa visit LD in the hospital and bring her a birthday cake.  It was a nice scene and well-acted by Anais Granofsky (who plays Lucy) and Amanda Cook (who plays LD).  This episode was LD’s final appearance on Degrassi High which …. well, that’s kind of ominous, isn’t it?

Finally, Alexa can only watch helplessly as everyone announces that they will be missing her sweet sixteen birthday party.  Even her boyfriend, Simon, is going to be busy filming a commercial on Alexa’s birthday.  “Fine!” Alexa shouts, after cancelling her part, “I’ll be fifteen forever!”  In fact, the cake that Alexa brings to the hospital for LD was actually supposed to be for Alexa’s party.  “I’ll just have my mother bake another,” Alexa says.  Good for you, Alexa!

This was a bit of an uneven episode.  I actually preferred the driving class scenes to all of the birthday drama.  Of course, as a longtime Degrassi fan, I know that Joey is going to grow up to be a used car salesman.  Watching him struggle to drive made me smile.

Next week: Caitlin discovers that Claude is no good!  It’s about time!

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 3.1 “Nearer My God To Thee”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, we begin the third season!

Episode 3.1 “Nearer My God To Thee”

(Dir by Tim Hunter, originally aired on October 14th, 1994)

The third season of Homicide opens with a disgusted Stan Bolander watching a relatively tame soap opera in the breakroom.  He’s offended by the fact that two of the show’s characters are shown in bed.  To Bolander, that’s the equivalent of pornography on network television.  Lewis points out that television execs force showrunners to add sex in order to bring in ratings.  Munch mentions that it’s strange that television is allowed to show sex but not nudity.  Munch then goes on to predict that there will soon be hundreds of channels, a channel for every interest.  There will be channels about animals and religion and politics and soon, anything you want to see will be at your finger tips and it will lead to people becoming dull and lazy.  John Munch, super prophet!

Hmmm …. do you think maybe Tom Fontana, who wrote this script and was one of Homicide’s executive producers, was maybe venting some of his own frustration over the demands that NBC was making in return for giving a third season to the critically acclaimed but low-rated Homicide?  Because the third season premiere of Homicide is a bit different from the previous two seasons.  For one thing, Jon Polito is no longer in the cast.  (Lewis mentions that Crosetti is on vacation in Atlantic City.)  Isabelle Hofman, who is certainly more attractive than anyone who has previously appeared on the show, has joined the cast as Lt. Megan Russert, the second shift commander.  And this episode features its share of nudity and sex.

At the same time, it’s still an excellent episode of Homicide.  Isabelle Hofman gives a tough and no-nonsense performance as Russert and, by the end of the episode, she seems as if she belongs in the ensemble as much as her less glamorous castmates.  And this episode has its share of sex and nudity but it’s all essential to the plot.  This episode lets us know that, for now, Homicide is a show that can adjust without losing its integrity.

The episode’s case is a red ball (which is a term used to indicate it’s a case that’s going to get media attention).  Katharine Goodrich, the 30 year-old founder of a shelter for battered women, has been found dead in a dumpster, nude except for a pair of long white cotton gloves, the type of gloves that you might expect to see at a royal procession but not at a crime scene.  Russert’s shift has picked up the case and, to everyone’s horror, the incompetent and racist Roger Gaffney (Walt MacPherson) is the primary detective.  The brass ask Giardello to keep an eye on Russert because they feel she’s too inexperienced to handle the investigation.  Giardello (and let’s take a moment to acknowledge just how wonderful Yaphet Kotto was in this role) calls in his own detectives to help out the second shift.  As you might have guessed, the two shifts do not have much respect for each other.  It’s chaos, especially when Gaffney and Pembleton nearly come to blows over Gaffney’s racism,  Russert defuses the situation and the scene, to be honest, is a bit overwritten.  From the first minute she appeared in the episode, Hofman has been credible as a detective and a lieutenant so writing one heavy-handed scene just so she can further prove herself feels almost an insult to the strength of her performance.  Hofman (and Russert) has already proven herself without having to dare Pembleton to shoot Gaffney and throw his life away.

That said, this was a strong episode.  Goodrich was a devout Catholic and Pembleton and Bayliss discuss their own views on religion.  Bayliss has tried out all the Protestant denominations (even the — *snort* — Unitarians) and is a bit of a cynic.  Pembleton was educated by Jesuits and says at one point that, “There are two types of Catholics.  Devout and fallen.  I fell.”  It’s a scene that could have been awkward but Andre Braugher and Kyle Secor pull it off wonderfully.  Secor, especially, has really come into his own.  Bayliss is no longer the awkward and earnest rookie from the first season.  In fact, Bayliss has so come into his own that he agrees to invest in a bar with Lewis and Munch.  They’re burying the Waterfront!

(Before Bayliss offers to invest, there’s a humorous scene where Much and Lewis try to convince Bolander to not only invest but to also be the bar’s mascot.  “A big man deserves a big meal,” Munch says.  Bolander — who I’m happy to say is far less whiny in this episode than he was during the previous two seasons — is not interested.  It’s kind of funny how Munch basically hero worships a guy who really seems like he wants nothing to do with him outside of work.)

Kay spends the episode taking calls from Felton’s wife, Beth (Mary B. Ward).  Beth recently kicked Felton out of the house because she thought Felton was cheating on her.  Felton admits to Kay that he is cheating on her.  When Kay isn’t running interference for her partner, she’s defending Russert when the other detectives insinuate that Russert must be slept her way to the top.  Kay lists all of Russert’s qualifications and commendations.  Yay, Kay!  You tell them!  Later, Russert sees Kay looking exhausted and snaps at her to get to work.  “Bitch,” Kay mutters.  Ouch!  Still, I laughed.

Felton breaks into his house to retrieve a suit, just to be confronted by Beth.  An obviously unstable Beth proceeds to take a pair of scissors to Felton’s jacket before then stripping down to her underwear, getting in bed, and asking Felton to leave so she can get some sleep.  (I’m going to guess that rather disturbing and deliberately anti-erotic scene was Fontana’s subversive answer to the NBC execs who asked him to sex up the show a little.)  Later, Russert finally goes home to get some rest and check in on her daughter.  Felton shows up at her front door and, after he tells her the one of his leads on the Goodrich murder went dry, she responds by passionately kissing him.  Now, we know where Felton has been going whenever Beth kicks him out.

As for the Goodrich murder, it turns out that, despite what everyone assumed, she was not raped.  After a nun tells Pembleton and Bayliss that Katherine never wore gloves, Pembleton deduces the gloves were put on her body after she was killed.  Gaffney insists that Katherine’s murderer was probably the boyfriend of one of the women at the shelter but Pembleton disagrees.  (This leads to the fight that I mentioned earlier.)  While Russert wants to keep the gloves out of the news, a smarmy reporter (Tony Todd) threatens to reveal their existence unless she agrees to come to him first with any developments.  As the episode ends, Pembleton and Bayliss are canvassing the crime scene and it’s hard not to notice that they are now the ones wearing white gloves, rubber in this case.  Bayliss says its pointless to keep canvassing the crime scene.  But then he and Pembleton spot a storage shed with a busted lock.  As they open the door, the end credits begin.

To be continued!

What a great way start to season 3.  Yes, I realize that this case is pretty much the exact opposite of the gritty, pointless murders that the first two seasons focused on but still, I am now very much wondering who killed Katherine Goodrich and why they put the gloves on her hands.  I hope this won’t be another unsolvable Adena Watson case.  Fortunately, I have total faith in Frank Pembleton.

I can’t wait to see what happens next week!

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 3.5 “Not For Commercial Use”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the news comes to Cobb’s!

Episode 3.5 “Not For Commercial Use”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on October 18th, 1987)

The local news station is coming down to Cobb’s to do a story on how things have changed at the store now that the company is under new management.

Really?

Is it just a super slow news day or something?  The insinuation is that it’s actually going to be a 30-minute news special, all about an obscure grocery store in the suburbs of Ontario.  (In this episode, Check It Out! finally admits that the show is taking place in Canada.)  I mean, even if it is a slow news day, I just can’t imagine that a thirty-minute story about Cobb’s would be a huge ratings grabber.

Howard is excited about the idea of being on television.  He calls his Aunt Lil and promises to tug on his ear so that she’ll know that he’s thinking of her.  Howard imagines himself as a TV star.  There’s Howard hosting a talk show!  There’s Howard as a tough detective.  It’s all kind of silly but, in its way, kind of cute.  Howard is a lot more likable this season than he was during the previous two seasons.  And Don Adams, who can sometimes seem a bit indifferent when it comes to playing Howard, actually gave a lively performance in this episode.

TC Collingwood (Elizabeth Hanna), who I guess is supposed to be the liaison between the store and the corporate offices, does not want Howard to appear on TV.  She feels that Howard is a bit too …. I guess “dorky” would be the right term to use here.  She thinks that Howard is going to embarrass the store with his bad jokes and his Bogart impersonation.  TC would rather focus on employees like Leslie, who now wears a chef’s hat and who has apparently transferred from working as a cashier to working in the deli.

(One thing that I’ve noticed is that, during season 3, the show finally hired enough extras to make the store seem like a real place.  There are now employees and shoppers all over the place.  Marlene is no longer the only cashier and Leslie appears to have a good crew working with him at the deli)

As for Howard, he does manage to get on television.  He simply cannot be stopped!  He wanders in front of the camera.  He tells bad jokes.  He does even worse impersonations.  TC ends up locking him in a meat locker but it turns out that the CEO of the company really enjoyed Howard and his antics.  Good for Howard, I guess.

This episode continued this season’s pattern of being far better than the two that came before it.  For once, every member of the cast was allowed a chance to shine.  This episode was worth watching for Viker’s attempt to tell a knock knock joke alone.  Check It Out! was a deeply silly show but at least in the third season it’s finally got consistently funny.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back Kotter 4.15 “Barbarino’s Baby”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

This week, a longtime Sweathog makes his final appearance.

Episode 4.15 “Barbarino’s Baby”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on February 3rd, 1979)

This episode was John Travolta’s final appearance as Vinnie Barbarino.  That means no more visits to his ugly apartment, no more confusion as to whether or not Barbarino is actually still enrolled in high school, and no more of John Travolta trying his best to give a good performance while the rest of the cast sleep walk through their roles.  Seriously, you have to admire that Travolta was still trying to give a good performance even under the weird circumstances of the fourth season.  The studio audience was going to cheer no matter what Travolta did.  Travolta could have just shrugged off the entire show and character.  I’m sure the temptation to do so was there.  Instead, he did his best.

His final episode really isn’t worth the effort, though,  Barbarino wants to get promoted from scrubbing the floors of the hospital to working in the emergency room.  The head nurse says that there’s no way someone as dumb as Barbarino could be trusted in the ER.  Barbarino asks Mr. Woodman to write a letter.  Julie takes it upon herself to call the hospital and put in a good word for him.  As for Gabe …. he’s not in this episode.  Gabe does nothing!

Maybe Barbarino would get promoted if his idiot friends weren’t always hanging out at the hospital.  Seriously, does that group have nothing better to do than hang out in the world’s ugliest medical facility?  Couldn’t they go hang out on Christopher Street with Horshack or something?  Remember when the Sweathogs were an actual gang who committed crimes?  Epstein was once voted most likely to kill someone.  Freddie used to get accused of stealing every other week.  Beau showed up and they all got wimpy.

Anyway, Barbarino and the Sweathogs get on an elevator with a pregnant woman.  The elevator  stops between floors.  The woman goes into labor.  Time for Barbarino and the Sweathogs to deliver a baby …. *sigh*.  Seriously, there is nothing more stress-inducing than the idea of a bunch of 30 year-old high school students delivering a baby.  The important thing is that the head nurse is able to talk Barbarino through the delivery and Barbarino gets his promotion!  Barbarino is going to the ER!  That’s good news for Horshack because there’s no way he’s not going to end up getting his stomach pumped in the ER eventually.

And that’s John Travolta’s final episode of Welcome Back, Kotter.  It’s a bit of a let down, considering how important the character of Vinnie Barbarino was to the success of the show.  Imagine if The Office finale only allowed Michael Scott to appear for two minutes and only gave him one line of dialogue?  THAT WOULD BE INSANE!

I can only wonder what the rest of this show is going to be like without Kotter and Barbarino.  My fear is that it’s going to involve a lot of Horshack,  We’ll find out.  There’s only a few episodes left!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.25 “The Prisoner”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, Johnny goes to prison!

Episode 2.25 “The Prisoner”

(Dir by Armand Mastroianni, originally aired on June 5th, 1989)

After Johnny Ventura’s father is killed by an invisible man….

Wait, what’s Johnny doing here?

No, don’t get me wrong.  I understand why Johnny’s there, mostly because I have the benefit of hindsight.  I know that Johnny is going to replace Ryan during the third season and this episode was obviously designed to get the audience used to the idea of Johnny being a part of the show.  The majority of the episode follows Johnny as he’s sent to prison, having been framed for murdering his own father.  The culprit is another prisoner, Dayton Railsback (Larry Joshua).  Dayton has a kamikaze pilot’s jacket that allows him to turn invisible whenever blood is spilled on it.  Whenever Dayton’s invisible, he sneaks out of the prison and searches for some money that he stole ten years earlier. Johnny is the only person in the prison who knows what Railsback is doing so soon, he’s being targeted by the invisible man.

While Johnny is dealing with life in prison, Micki, Ryan, and Jack are attempting to prove that Railsback is the murderer.  It’s a bit odd because the three of them — our stars! — are barely in the episode and, when they do appear, they’re just hanging out in the antique shop.  They talk about all of the investigating that they’ve been doing but we don’t actually see them doing it.  Watching the episode, one gets the feeling that John D. LeMay, Robey, and Chris Wiggins all shot their scenes in one day and then left on an extended vacation.  They showed up just long enough to establish this as being an episode of Friday the 13th, despite the fact that almost the entire episode is about Johnny.

Needless to say, it was a bit of a disjointed episode.  The show kept jumping from Johnny in prison to Railsback killing people outside of prison to everyone hanging out in the antique shop and it was a bit difficult to keep track of who was planning what.  Myself, I was surprised at how quickly the show went from Johnny’s father being murdered to Johnny getting tossed into prison.  We don’t even see Johnny’s trial.  Johnny was passed out when his father was shot and, quite frankly, it seems like he could have made a very credible argument that he was framed.  (The invisible Railsback puts the gun in Johnny’s hands but he doesn’t manipulate Johnny into pulling the trigger so it’s not like there would have been any powder residue on Johnny’s fingers.)  Johnny and his father appeared to have a pretty good relationship so you really have to wonder what type of case the prosecution made.  The episode ends with Johnny killing Railsback and then being released from prison.  So, is Johnny going to have to on trial again?  I mean, he just stood there while Railsback burned to death.

Weird episode.  It didn’t do too much for me.  I’m going to miss Ryan once season 3 starts.

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.9 “Rain”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, a famous face shows up in the ER!

Episode 1.9 “Rain”

(Dir by Victor Hsu, originally aired on January 3rd, 1983)

Last night, after writing my review of Goodfellas, I watched the ninth episode of St. Elsewhere and there was Ray Liotta!

Liotta played Murray, a young man who came into the ER with a deep cut on his back.  Orderly Luther took one look at him and decided that he was a member of the same gang who mugged Fiscus a few episodes ago.  Luther then told Fiscus right before Fiscus was due to stitch Murray up.  Murray was indeed rude but Fiscus wasn’t particularly polite to him.  Fiscus didn’t stich up Murray’s wound but he did pull his gun on him.  Murray fled the ER and, after knocking over several doctors who were in his way, he jumped out of a window and escaped from St. Eligius.

As for Fiscus, he got a stern talking to from Dr. Westphall.  Westphall ordered Fiscus to get rid of the gun and told him that if he ever brought a weapon to work again, his residency would come to an end.  Fiscus agreed to not bring the gun to the ER anymore but he later told Dr. Chandler that he was terrified for his life.  I’ve been critical of Howie Mandel’s performance on this show but he actually did a pretty good job in this episode.  He was able to hold his own while sharing the screen with Denzel Washington.  That’s quite an accomplishment.

While Dr. Westphall yelled at Fiscus, Dr. Craig yelled at Ehrlich for spraining his pinkie while playing handball.  Dr. Craig demands to know how Ehrlich will ever make it as a surgeon if he doesn’t protect his hands.  Ehrlich spends the entire day trying to protect his hands and he continually fails.  (Ehrlich’s a bit of a klutz.)  Finally, Ehrlich storms into Craig’s office and interrupts a meeting to announce that he’s going to continue to play handball.  Craig shrugs and dismissively says, “He’s from California.”

As for the rest of this episode, it took place over one very long and rainy day.  Peter is still struggling as both a doctor and a husband.  When his daughter (a very young Candace Cameron Bure) was rushed to the hospital after eating mothballs, Peter blamed his wife and his wife blamed Peter.  Returning home from the hospital, Peter nearly hit his wife after she tossed his dinner on the floor.  It was scary to watch.  I’m getting a bad feeling about what’s going to happen with this marriage.

Dr. Morrison made the mistake of making a house call and soon, he discovered himself constantly being called by Mr. Lukovic (George Morfogen) whenever any of Lukovic’s neighbors were taken ill.  Morrison kept telling Lukovic to take his friends to the hospital but Lukovic talked about how, in the past, doctors would always make house calls.  When Morrison finally refused to go to Lukovic’s building, Lukovic brought his neighbor to the hospital.  The neighbor was in cardiac arrest but Morrison managed to get his heart beating again.  Rather than be thankful, Lukovic blamed Morrison for not responding to his call.  Morrison lost his temper and told Lukovic that he couldn’t keep living in the past.  “I will not call you again,” Lukovic replied.  Roll the end credits!

This was a pretty good episode, one that not only answered the question of why doctors don’t make housecalls but also which featured Ray Liotta being tough and dangerous.  There were a few annoying scenes involving the guy who thinks that he’s a bird but otherwise, this was a well-done and rainy hour.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.10 “Man to Man”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week’s episode made me cry.

Episode 3.10 “Man to Man”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on November 26th, 1986)

As so often happens on this show, the episode begins with Mark visiting an old friend.  Luke Morgan (Joe Dorsey) grew up with Mark but, while Mark became a blue collar policeman, Luke went on to become a fabulously wealthy tycoon.  That actually seems a bit odd to me.  I mean, why has Mark never mentioned having a millionaire friend before?  All of the times that Jonathan and Mark have had to deal with other millionaires, Mark has always acted like he’s had no experience being around wealthy people.  Now, suddenly, we discover that Mark just happens to have a millionaire friend?

Anyway, Luke invites Jonathan and Mark to stay at his mansion and that’s a good thing because Luke is their mission for the week.  Luke devoted so much time to building up his business that he often wasn’t around when his son, Gary (Lee Montgomery, the kid who got crushed by the chimney in Burnt Offerings), was growing up.  Now Gary is in his twenties and his relationship with his father is strained.  Gary spends all of time lifting weights and working with his computers.  Luke wants to take a road trip with Gary but Gary refuses.  Mark makes a bet with Gary.  If Mark can lift more weight than Gary, Gary will go on the trip.  Jonathan temporarily gives Mark “the stuff.”  Mark wins the bet.  Gary goes on the trip!

Luke, it turns out, is dying.  He has Leukemia and he doesn’t have much time left.  He wants to patch things up with his son before he dies but he doesn’t want Gary to know that he’s dying.  Mark, realizing that Gary needs to know, tells Gary anyway.  Gary accuses Mark of lying but then he realizes that his father actually is dying.  Gary stops being a brat and he and his father enjoy their last road trip together.  Eventually, Gary reveals that he knows the truth.  He knows that Luke is dying.  Gary finally says that he loves his father and Luke says the loves his child.

And that’s pretty much the episode!  This was a pretty simple episode but it still made me cry.  It makes me think about all the people in my life who have passed on.  Every moment that you have with someone is precious and I think that people tend to take those moments for granted.  You never know when someone could get into a wreck while trying to drive home from the store.  I know when my Dad was in his car accident last May, I never expected him to die in August.  I’d give anything to have those final moments back.

This episode is sentimental and earnest and heavy-handed but it is also an example of what Highway to Heaven does so well.

 

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.25 “The Yacht”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Jason and Scott do something stupid!

Episode 1.25 “The Yacht”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on May 16th, 1999)

Because they’re dumbasses, Scott and Jason accidentally destroy their father’s new watch.  At first, they try to do the right thing and buy him a new watch.  But it turns out that watch cost $2,000!

How can they possibly raise $2,000?

Hey, here’s an idea!  Maybe they can just borrow Murray’s yacht and throw a casino night!  (Actually, the yacht belongs to Murray’s father but whatever.)  Surely, that’ll be enough to raise $2,000!

Uhmm …. hey, guys?  Let’s think about this logically.  It’s a casino night.  Now, admittedly, you’ve got the yacht for free because it belongs to Murray’s Dad.  Still, you have to rent (or buy) all of the slot machines, roulette wheels, and poker tables that are necessary for a casino night.  You have to pay the dealers at each table.  You probably have to pay security to keep an eye on all the money that’s floating around.  You have to pay for all the refreshments.  If you have the money to put on a casino night then guess what?  YOU’VE GOT THE MONEY TO REPLACE YOUR DAD’S WATCH!

Good Lord, this show is stupid!

Anyway, Murray shows up at casino night wearing a white captain’s uniform and for once, I agreed with the audiences applause.  Murray looked good!  Brandon Brooks has been this season’s saving grace and he was the best thing about this episode.  Unfortunately, Murray panics when he hears that his father is coming home early.  He tries to steer the yacht back to the docks and instead, he accidentally hits a reef.  The $2,000,000 yacht sinks!

We have spent this entire season hearing about what a monster Murray’s Dad is.  This is the first episode in which he actually appears and he turns out to actually be a pretty cool guy.  Yes, he’s upset that his yacht sank.  And yes, Murray’s in some trouble.  But Murray’s dad says he’s still proud of Murray for taking responsibility.  Awww, what a great guy!

And what a stupid episode!

Actually, speaking of stupid, check out the B-plot.  Stads wants to star in a film about lifeguard training.  Since Traycee’s an actress, she agrees to teach Stads how to perform on camera.  Stads accepts Traycee’s help but doesn’t ever really seem to appreciate it.  As you can probably guess, Traycee ends up with the role and Stads gets even more upset.  At this point, I’m a little bit bored with episodes that center around Stads getting upset about stuff.  Stads is always upset about something.  Even when something good happens to her, Stads gets upset about it.  Stads started out as an interesting character but, halfway through the season, the show’s writers decided to just make her into a permanent killjoy.

Speaking of killing joy, this season is nearly over!  Next week, season one comes to a close.