In this 1988 film, a group of college friends visit Uncle Ive (Theodore Lehmann), a crippled taxidermist who lives next door to a film set. (We never actually see this film set, but we are assured that it’s there.) Uncle Ive is taken care of by his devoted housekeeper, Ms. Camden (Judy Gordon). And he needs a lot of taking care of because, for some reason, there’s a haunted screenplay on his property. The title of the screenplay is constantly changing, but the one thing that remains consistent is the word “Victim.” The screenplay goes from being “Victim #69” to “Victim #70,” but what never changes is that there has to be a victim. The screenplay predicts how each person in the film is going to die. It’s not so much Death By Dialogue as it is Death By Rewrite.

Speaking of screenplays, this film has a strange one. It’s never really clear why the screenplay is on the property of Uncle Ive, but there are more than a few deaths that manage to be memorable. There’s a standard bursting into flames death. There’s a decapitation by scarf death. There’s a death by impalement on the blade of a bald demon. Strangest of all is the moment when one of the victims stumbles across an ’80s hair band that just happens to be performing behind some bushes. This leads to death by having one’s head smashed with a musical instrument. What’s odd is that we never really know where the band came from. Were they demons? Were they a legitimate band? What happened to them after the head smashing? How come no one heard them playing? Is this the sort of thing that regularly happens near film sets? I mean, I imagine that sort of thing happened at the Spahn Ranch on a daily basis, but I always figured that was the exception to the rule. Eventually, a big scary demon shows up and we’re left to wonder if he wrote the script and if he did so on spec. During WGA strikes, can the cursed screenplay still kill people, or do they have to hire a scab to write the death scenes until the strike is settled? Personally, if anyone wrote my death in a screenplay, I would hope that the studios would, at the very least, bring in an Oscar-winner to do an uncredited rewrite.

(Actually, now that I think about it, my best friend Evelyn and I wrote a pretty good slasher screenplay when we were in college. We gave the best death scenes to ourselves and the people we liked the most. The people we disliked just got dragged offscreen. I really should get it out of storage and do some work on it.)

Anyway, have I rambled enough? If this review seems a bit disjointed and random …. well, so does the film. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. This is one of those films where the incoherent story actually works to the story’s advantage. It really does create the feeling of being at the mercy of beings that simply cannot be understood or reasoned with. Featuring a game cast and an intriguingly weird premise, Death by Dialogue is enjoyable almost despite itself. No rewrite was necessary!