A Cat’s Perspective On The Fifty Shades Darker Teaser

Posted on September 12, 2016 by Doc Bowman

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Meh! Humans are weird! Not only do they have trailers for movies but they also have teasers for trailers! They need to be more like me — sleep, eat, and learn to love the ennui!

Humans are also weird because they read books like The Fifty Shades trilogy and spend all their time talking about how bad they are. The flame-haired one even threw her copy of Fifty Shades of Grey across the living room once and totally woke me up! (Don’t worry, I was able to get back to sleep … eventually.) But then after hating the book, they get all excited about the movie and then they get all upset when the movie turns out to suck too! I ate a spider once and it tasted terrible so you know what? I stopped eating spiders. If I was a human, I guess I would think, “Spiders are yucky! Let’s go eat a few while watching a movie about them!” Meh!

There’s a new Fifty Shades movie coming out and it’s called Fifty Shades Darker! It’s based on another book that the flame-haired one threw across the living room but she’s still planning on seeing it! It’s such a big deal that instead of just releasing a trailer, the humans are releasing a teaser and then a trailer! If they make another Fifty Shades movie, maybe they can release a teaser for the teaser of the trailer!

Someday, maybe they’ll stop making movies all together and they’ll just make teasers for trailers of pretend movies. People will watch the teaser and say, “This is going to be a great trailer!” I hope that happens because if there’s no more movies that means even less to distract from feeding the kitty!

Here’s the teaser for Fifty Shades Darker! The trailer’s coming out tomorrow and the flame-haired one will probably share it because the kitty is planning on sleeping through Wednesday. Meh!

Back to School Part II #32: Kids (dir by Larry Clark)

Posted on September 11, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The first time that I ever saw Kids, the 1995 directorial debut of Larry Clark, my initial response was to wonder what the Hell everyone was talking about.

Seriously, I couldn’t understand a word that anyone was saying. The two main characters — 15 year-old Telly (Leo Fitzpatrick) and his friend Casper (Justin Pierce) — talked almost constantly. In fact, Telly even narrated the film. But both of them had such thick Northern accents and both of them were so inarticulate that I spent 75% of the movie trying to understand what they were going on about. (Add to that, Casper is pretty much either drunk or stoned through the entire film.) Don’t get me wrong. I understood enough to know what was going on in the movie. I knew that Telly was obsessed with having sex with virgins and that he didn’t know that he was HIV positive. I knew that Casper considered himself to be the “dopest ghost in town,” and that he ended the film by coming out of his daze long enough to look straight at the camera and ask, “What the fuck happened?” But a lot of the dialogue in-between got lost as a result of Telly growling and Casper slurring.

So, when I rewatched Kids for this review, I turned on the close captioning so that I could read what it was that Telly and Casper were actually saying to each other while they were walking around New York City. After a few minutes, I started to really wish that I had just remained ignorant. Seriously, you may hate Telly but you’ll hate even more once you understand everything that he actually says during the opening scenes of the film. Telly is literally one of the most disgusting pervs to ever be at the center of a motion picture. “Virgins,” he announces at the start of the film, “I love them!” He also infects them and what’s truly disturbing is that you get the feeling that, even if he knew he was HIV positive, Telly wouldn’t change his behavior at all.

Reportedly, Leo Fitzpatrick got death threats after starring in Kids. Because he was making his film debut in Kids and because the film’s cast was reportedly made up of actual street kids, many viewers assumed that Fitzpatrick was playing himself. Fitzpatrick is one of the few members of the cast to have actually maintained an acting career after Kids and, by most accounts, he’s not Telly. That said, Telly is such a demonic character and Fitzpatrick does such a good job playing him that, admittedly, it is strange to see him subsequently play characters who are far different from Telly. (His performance as faux hitman in Clark’s Bully is one of the highlights of that film.)

Justin Pierce also continued to act after Kids, though his efforts to maintain a career were reportedly hampered by his own personal demons. Sadly, Pierce committed suicide in 2000, hanging himself in Las Vegas. As raw as it may be, Pierce probably gives the best performance in Kids. I’m sure that some would be tempted to say that Pierce was just playing himself but there’s also a sly humor to his performance that isn’t necessarily present in the script. Casper is a despicable character who not only possibly beats a man to death but who also rapes one of his so-called friends when she’s passed out on a coach. At times, Casper seems to almost be brain-dead. (We’re told that he’s been sniffing glue since the 4th grade.) But then there’s a few scenes where we get hints of who Casper could have been if he hadn’t fried his brain.

(For instance, it’s interesting to note that, alone among the male characters, Casper is the only one who occasionally behaves in a generous manner. He may steal a piece of fruit but he then gives it to a young girl waiting outside of a dilapidated building. In the famous scene in which a legless man asks for money while singing, “I have no legs/I have no legs,” Casper gives him money while Telly rolls his eyes. Casper may be awful but, unlike Telly, he’s not a total sociopath.)

(It’s also interesting to note that, while we meet Telly’s mom and hear from her that Telly has a strained relationship with his dad, we never meet or hear about Casper’s family. While Kids may be critical of Telly and Casper and their friends, it’s true scorn is reserved for the frequently unseen adults who all either seem to either be in denial or just incredibly callous as far as their children are concerned.)

And then there’s Chloe Sevigny and Rosario Dawson, both making their film debut in Kids. They play friends who, at the start of the movie, both go to a clinic to get the results of their HIV tests. The promiscuous Ruby (Dawson) is negative. Jennie (Sevigny), however, is positive. Since she’s only had sex with one person, she knows that she caught it from Telly. What little plot that Kids has deals with Jennie’s efforts to track down Telly before he has sex with another virgin. From the minute that Jennie starts searching for Telly, you know that it’s a pointless mission. Even if Jennie did manage to track down Telly, it’s doubtful he would listen to her.

Kids was the directorial debut of Larry Clark. It was also the screenwriting debut of Harmony Korine and reportedly, it was considered to be very shocking and controversial when it was first released. I have to admit that, even speaking as someone who grew up far away from the streets of New York on which Kids was cast and filmed, I’ve never been that shocked by Kids. Don’t get me wrong — it’s a raw and powerful film and the scene where Sevigny sits in a cab and repeats to herself that she’s not going to die brought tears to my eyes. But, no — the idea of kids and teenagers having sex, doing drugs, and getting violent is no longer shocking (if it ever was).

It’s just another day.

Doc Bowman Takes A Look At The Trailer For Are We Not Cats

Posted on September 11, 2016 by Doc Bowman

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I was super excited to see a trailer called Are We Not Cats because I thought it would be about me! But then I watched it and there’s no cats at all in this trailer! Meh!

According to the description on YouTube: “After losing his job, his girlfriend, and his apartment in a single day, a young man attempts to restart his life, but is diverted when he meets a woman who shares his strangest habit; an inclination for eating hair!” Eating hair does not make you a cat! Grooming is not the same as eating, silly humans! Meh!

Here is the trailer! It doesn’t have a U.S. release date yet but the movie opened in Italy on Friday! There’s a lot of good cats in Italy but they’re not allowed in theaters! Meh!

ALOHA! What is your deepest pit? #TheFundamentalsOfCaring

Posted on September 11, 2016 by paddiesthoughts

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Ok, going to preface this review by just saying three things:

1: I needed a good cry movie tonight; I had to get some things out of my system.

2: The rest of this review might not be SFW!

Oh, forgot, the technicalities:

The Fundamentals of Caring is a Netflix original movie based on the book “The Revised Fundamentals of Caregiving” by Jonathan Evison

Stars:

Paul Rudd: as Ben (Friends, Anchorman, 40-year-old virgin)

Selena Gomez: as Dot (Yeah, all that teenage stuff, singer turned amazing actress.)

Jennifer Ehle: as Elsa (Fifty Shades of Grey, The Black List, also born in my home town!)

Craig Roberts: as Trevor (Being Human, Red Oaks)

Director: (Emmy Award Winning) Rob Burnett

Plot:

A man (Rudd) after suffering a horrible loss decides to reach out and, not in his best interest, become a caregiver. Trevor (Roberts), a bitter kid without a Dad decides to take him on. How does this end up? Well, on a road trip across the country with the kid he is there to care-give for, fountains of youth are found….In a deep dark pit between them….

Review:

I needed a good cry movie tonight, and The Fundamentals of Caring did that for me! Actually, Selena Gomez kinda took the movie in a way I wasn’t expecting.Got to give her a lot of props for what she did in it. Was it a great movie? By no means…Does it fill a deep pit in your soul when you need a movie to cry too?…Yes, it absolutely does!

The Fundamentals of Caring is on Netflix now… and if you want to see a trailer you can…..

WAIT…WAIT…WAIT…. I said there was three things in my preface!!

3: fuck you…No, Fuck you…NO…FUCK you!…Now Stand up and take your piss! Stand up and take a PISS!

Told ya, Not all of this review would be SFW!

BTW: Trevor Conklin was handsome and cool……ALOHA!

Back to School Part II #31: Empire Records (dir by Allan Moyle)

Posted on September 10, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1995 film, Empire Records takes place in a fictional record store. The store is located in a state called Delaware, which I’m pretty sure is fictional as well. (Have you ever actually met anyone from Delaware? And don’t say Joe Biden because we all know he’s just a hologram…) Empire Records is a beloved institution, an independent record shop that’s as well-known for its lively employees as its amazing selection of music!

However, things are not perfect in the world of Empire Records. The store is owned by a heartless businessman named Mitchell (Ben Bode). Mitchell hates Empire Records and usually just lets the store manager, former drummer and Scott Stapp-lookalike Joe (Anthony LaPaglia), run the place. However, Mitchell has decided to sell Empire Records to the soulless and corporate Music Town franchise. Oh my God! If Empire Records becomes a Music Town, the employees will have to wear orange aprons! They won’t be allowed to wear anything too revealing or have any visible piercings! And nobody will be allowed to dance in the aisles!

Over the course of just one day, can the staff of Empire Records find a way to save their store!?

It would be easier if not for the fact that a hundred other things happen over the course of that same day. A shoplifter (Brendan Sexton III, who co-starred in the very different Welcome to the Dollhouse the same year that he appeared here) keeps trying to steal stuff and, at one point, he even shows up at the store with a gun! Is it possible that he just wants to join the Empire Records family and is just hoping that he’ll be offered a job?

And then there’s Rex Manning! That’s right — it’s Rex Manning Day! Who is Rex Manning? Well, he used to star on a show called The Family Way and his nickname is Sexy Rexy. He has truly memorable hair. Middle-aged people love him but most young people think that he’s a joke. Rex is going to signing copies of his latest album at Empire Records and you better believe that he’s brought blue cheese salad dressing with him. There’s a reason they call him Sexy Rexy and it’s not just that Rex Harrison is no longer around to object. Rex is played by Maxwell Caulfield. Caulfield steals every scene that he appears in and it’s hard not to feel that he’s playing a version of who he could have become if Grease 2 hadn’t bombed at the box office.

And, of course, all the members of Empire Records staff have their own personal problems to deal with. Fortunately, since this is a breezy and comedic movie, nobody has problem that can’t be solved within ten to fifteen minutes.

For instance, Debra (Robin Tunney) is suicidal and shows up for work with a big bandage on her wrist. After clocking in, she promptly shaves her head. Debra is depressed and troubled but guess what? All she needs is for her friends to hold a mock funeral in the break room. (And who is taking care of the customers while everyone else is eulogizing Debra? Probably Andre but we’ll talk more about him in a moment…)

Berko (Coyote Shivers) appears to be Debra’s boyfriend but he doesn’t seem to be that good of a boyfriend. Berko’s a musician and he wants to make it big. Solution to his problem: an impromptu concert on the roof of Empire Records! And you know what? Coyote Shivers was not the world’s best actor but the song he performs, Sugar High, will stay in your head long after you hear it.

Eddie (James ‘Kimo’ Williams) has no problems, probably because he also works at a pizza place and he makes the best brownies in the world. Except, they’re not ordinary brownies … hint hint hint….

Mark (Ethan Embry) only has one problem: his character, as written, is pretty much interchangeable with Eddie’s. But, fortunately, Embry gives such a totally weird performance that you never forget who he is.

Lucas (Rory Cochrane) tried to help Joe out by taking the previous night’s cash receipts to Atlantic City. Lucas, however, is not a very good gambler and ends up losing all of the money at the result of one roll of the dice. Lucas’s problem is that Joe is going to kill him. The solution is to spend almost the entire movie sitting on the break room couch and making snarky comments.

Gina’s problem is that everyone thinks that she’s a slut, mostly because that’s how the character is written. Fortunately, Gina is played by Renee Zellweger and she brings a lot of depth to an otherwise underwritten role. One of the film’s best moments is when Gina and Berko perform together because Zellweger really throws herself into the song. Watching that scene always makes me want to sing along with them. It’s funny that Zellweger has even a stronger Texas accent than I do and yet, she can really sing while I mostly certainly cannot.

Then there’s Andre! Andre’s problem is that he ends up getting cut out of the film. However, he’s still listed in the credits, which is how we know that he was played by Tobey Maguire.

A.J. (Johnny Whitworth) is an artist. How can you not love a struggling artist? His problem is that he’s in love with Corey (Liv Tyler) but Corey is obsessed with losing her virginity to Rex Manning.

Actually, that’s not the only problem that Corey has. Corey, who is in high school but has recently been accepted to Harvard, is a driven overachiever. Occasionally, we see her popping a pill. Oh my God, is she using speed!? Of course. she is. How else is she going to be able to both study late and maintain her figure? If I don’t seem too concerned about Corey’s pills, it’s because I pretty much take the same thing to keep my ADD under control. They’ve worked wonders for me!

But not so much for Corey. In fact, they cause Corey to kinda freak out and attack a cut-out of Rex Manning. Fortunately, the solution to her drug problem is pretty simple. She just has to splash some water on her face.

As for her virginity problem, well … it is Rex Manning Day! Judging from this film and Stealing Beauty, it would appear that film goers in the mid-90s were obsessed with Liv Tyler losing her virginity.

Anyway, there are like a hundred overly critical things that I could say about Empire Records. I’ve seen this film a number of time and there are certain scenes that always make cringe — like Debra’s funeral or when Joe starts banging away on his drum set. A lot of the dialogue is overwritten and the whole things occasionally seems to be trying too hard.

And yet, I can’t dislike Empire Records. In fact, I actually really like it a lot. It’s just such an earnest and sincere movie that you can’t help but enjoy it. Meanwhile, the cast has so much energy and chemistry that they’re just fun to watch. This is one of those films where it’s best just to shut off your mind, say “Damn the man!,” and enjoy what you’re watching for what it is.

Add to that, I love that ending. Everyone dancing on top of the store? Perfect.

Film Review: Sully (dir by Clint Eastwood)

Posted on September 10, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The new film Sully is about several different things.

Most obviously, it’s about what has come to be known as the Miracle on the Hudson. On January 15th, 2009, US Airways Flight 1549 had just departed from New York’s LaGuardia Airport when it was struck by a flock of geese. (They say that it was specifically hit by Canadian Geese but I refuse to believe that Canada had anything to do with it.) With both of the engines taken out and believing that he wouldn’t be able to get the plane back to either LaGuardia or an airport in New Jersey, the flight’s plot, Chelsey “Sully” Sullenberger (played by Tom Hanks) landed his plane on the Hudson River. Not only did Sullenberger manage to execute a perfect water landing but he also did so without losing a single passenger.

I’m sure that we can all remember that image of that plane sitting on the river with passengers lined up on the wings. We can also remember what a celebrity Sully became in the days following the landing. At a time of national insecurity and cynicism, Sully reminded us that people are still capable of doing great things. It also helped that Sully turned out to be a rather humble and self-effacing man. He didn’t use his new-found fame to host a reality TV show or run for Congress, as many suggested he should. Instead, he wrote a book, raised money for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, and appeared in two commercials for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.

Wisely, Sully opens after the Miracle on the Hudson, with Sully still struggling to come to terms with suddenly being a celebrity. (That said, we do get to see the landing in flashbacks. In fact, we get to see it twice and it’s harrowing. The “Brace! Brace!” chant is pure nightmare fuel.) Tom Hanks plays up Sully’s modesty and his discomfort with suddenly being a hero. Even while the rest of the world celebrates his accomplishment, Sully struggles with self-doubt. Did he make the right decision landing the plane on the Hudson or did he mistakenly endanger the lives of all the passengers and crew members?

A lot of people would probably say, “What does it matter? As long as he succeeded, who cares if he actually had to do it?” Well, it matters to Sully. Some of it is a matter of professional pride. And a lot of it is because the soulless bureaucrats at the National Transportation Safety Board are investigating Sully’s landing. If it’s determined that he could have made it back to airport and that he unnecessarily endangered the lives of everyone on the plane, he could lose his job and his pension. As we see in a few scenes with Sully’s wife (Laura Linney, who is somewhat underused), the Sullenbergers really need that pension.

That brings us to another thing that Sully is about. It’s a celebration of not only individual heroism but individuality itself. The NTSB claims that they have computer-generated recreations that prove Sully had enough time and fuel to return to an airport but, as Sully himself points out, the NTSB has ignored the human element in their recreations. As a result of their obsession with regulation and procedure, the bureaucrats have forgotten that planes are not flown by computers but individuals who have to make split-second decisions.

That’s one of the things that I loved about Sully. In this time when we’re constantly being told that our very future is dependent upon always trusting the bureaucrats and following their rules and regulations, Sully reminds us that the government is only as good as the people who work for it. And, far too often, the people are smug and complacent morons.

(For the record, Sullenberger has said that the real-life hearings were not as confrontational as the ones depicted in the film. However, even taking into account the dramatic license, the overall message still rings true.)

And finally, Sully is a film about what America has become in the wake of 9-11. Just as in real-life, the film’s Sully suffers from PTSD in the days immediately following the Miracle on the Hudson. Even while the rest of the world celebrates him, Sully has nightmares about what could have happened if he hadn’t made the landing. When we watch as Sully’s plane collides with a New York skyscraper, it’s impossible not to be reminded of the horrible images of September 11th. Not only does it drive home what was at stake when Sully made that landing but it also reminds us that, regardless of what some would want us to beg, there are still heroes in the world. Not every story has to end in tragedy. People are still capable of doing great things. Heroism is not dead. With tomorrow being the 15-year anniversary of the day when 3,000 people were murdered in New York, Pennsylvania, and D.C., it’s important to be reminded of that.

Sully is a powerful and crowd-pleasing film. (The normally cynical audience at the Alamo Drafthouse broke into applause at the end of the movie.) Director Clint Eastwood tells this story in a quick, no-nonsense style. During this time of bloated running times, Sully clocks in at 97 minutes and it’s still a million times better than that 150-minute blockbuster you wasted your money on last week. Toss in Tom Hanks at his best and you’ve got one of the best films of the year so far.

Back to School Part II #30: Welcome to the Dollhouse (dir by Todd Solondz)

Posted on September 9, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

1995’s Welcome to The Dollhouse is a seriously dark movie.

That really shouldn’t be too surprising. The film was written and directed by Todd Solondz, a filmmaker who goes out of his way to showcase the darkest corners of human existence. For that matter, the film stars Heather Matarazzo. Matarazzo won an Independent Spirit Award for playing Dawn Wiener, a 12 year-old outcast who is nicknamed “Wiener Dog” and essentially spends Welcome to the Dollhouse being tormented by almost everyone in her life. According to Wikipedia, upon winning the award, Matarzzo announced that she hoped to spend her career playing characters “whom are ostracized for some reason.”

And, if nothing else, Dawn is certainly ostracized.

There’s been a lot of movies that have claimed to be about teen outcasts. Whenever you watch those films, one thing you immediately notice is that the “outcasts” rarely seem to truly be outcasts. Instead, they’re often portrayed as artistic types who just need to take off their glasses, let down their hair, and go on a shopping spree. For instance, Rachael Leigh Cook was an outcast in She’s All That but it turned out that all she needed to do was go out on a date with Freddie Prinze, Jr. Sissy Spacek, Chloe Grace Moretz, and Emily Bergl all played outcasts in different versions of Carrie but, fortunately, they could always use their psychic powers to kill all the bullies at their school. Unfortunately, Dawn doesn’t have psychic powers and it’s doubtful that even dating Freddie Prinze, Jr. would help her out.

There’s a scene in Welcome to The Dollhouse in which Dawn witnesses a group of bullies shoving another outcast into a locker. When Dawn steps forward to ask him if he’s okay, her fellow outcast snaps, “Leave me alone, Weiner Dog!” and then runs off. Dawn is the outcast that even the other outcasts make fun of.

The entire film is pretty much told from her point of view. It’s a true journey into the life of an outcast and a chance to see what life looks like when you’re on the outside looking in. We watch as her family ignores her and instead lavishes their attention on her bratty younger sister, Missy (Daria Kalinina). When Missy is briefly kidnapped (largely because Dawn neglected to let Missy know that their mother wouldn’t be able to pick her up after ballet class), Dawn even goes, by herself, to New York City and searches for her. Dawn wants to be the hero of this story but not only does she not find her sister but, when Dawn returns, she discovers that no one even noticed that she was gone.

Dawn does have two friends. One is a fifth grader whose friendship she quickly loses. The other is Brandon (Brendon Sexton III), an angry delinquent who, before becoming her friend, tries to rape her. Brandon, who has a horrific and abusive home life, lights a joint at one point. Dawn tells him that she doesn’t smoke but then earnestly adds that she does think marijuana should be legal.

Dawn does have an older brother named Mark (Matthew Faber). Mark is as nerdy as his sister but he appears to have made peace with it. (Either that or he’s so used to being on the outside that he doesn’t even notice anymore.) Mark assures Dawn that things will get better but it’ll be a few years. He also starts a band, which leads to Dawn getting a huge crush on the lead singer, Steve (Eric Mabius). In fact, Steve is so handsome and charismatic (in a teenage rock star wannabe sort of way) that Dawn doesn’t even realize that, during the rare times that he does talk to her, he’s actually talking down to her…

Welcome to the Dollhouse is one of those films that you watch and you keep waiting for that one moment that Dawn is going to be allowed some sort of victory. You wait for her to get a compliment. You wait for her to make a new friend. You wait for her to smile after coming to some sort of sudden realization. And it never happens. If anything, Dawn is more miserable at the end of the movie than she was at the beginning.

In the end, you realize that her only triumph comes from the fact that she’s managed to survive and she now has a better understanding of just how much life is going to suck. It’s not exactly a happy movie. It gets even worse if you know that Solondz’s 2004 film, Palindromes, opens with Dawn’s funeral. (Dawn, we learn, committed suicide after getting pregnant in college.)

And yet, Welcome to the Dollhouse remains compulsively watchable. Heather Matarazzo does such a good job as Dawn that you find yourself rewatching and hoping things turn out differently. Whenever I watch Welcome to the Dollhouse, I always think to myself that I would have been nice to Dawn if I had known her. Of course, that’s probably not true. No one was nice to Dawn in the movie and no one would probably be nice to her in real life. At the best, if I had gone to school with Dawn Weiner, I probably would have just patted myself on the back for not being mean to her face.

What sets Welcome to the Dollhouse apart from other teen films is that Todd Solondz is willing to admit this.

Back to School Part II #29: A Friend To Die For a.k.a. Death of a Cheerleader (dir by William A. Graham)

Posted on September 8, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Over the past couple of year, I’ve had so much fun making fun of Tori Spelling’s performance in the original Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? that I almost feel like I have an obligation to review a movie in which she gave a halfway decent performance.

That film would be another 1994 made-for-TV-movie. It was apparently originally broadcast as A Friend To Die For but most of us know it better as Death of a Cheerleader. That’s the title that’s used whenever it shows up on Lifetime. There actually was a time when Death of a Cheerleader used to show up on almost a monthly basis but that was a while ago. Lifetime has since moved on to other movies about dead cheerleaders.

Technically, as my sister immediately pointed out when I made her watch the movie, the title isn’t quite correct. Though Stacy Lockwood (Tori Spelling) does try out for and is named to her school’s cheerleading squad, she never actually gets to cheer. Instead, shortly after the school assembly in which her selection is announced, Stacy is found stabbed to death. But really, Death of A Future Cheerleader doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

As for who killed Stacy … well, it’s no secret. This is one of those true crime films where the murderer is not only portrayed sympathetically but is the main character as well. Angela Delvecchio (Kellie Martin) was a high school sophomore who was obsessed with trying to become popular. She looked up to Stacey and desperately wanted to be her best friend. (Why she didn’t just offer to bribe Stacey, I don’t know. Maybe she hadn’t seen Can’t Buy Me Love….) When Stacey got a job working in the school office, so did Angela. Of course, the school’s somewhat sleazy principal (Terry O’Quinn, coming across like John Locke’s worst nightmare) only made it a point to talk to Stacey and pretty much ignored Angela. When Stacey applied to work on the yearbook, so did Angela. When Stacey tried out for cheerleading, so did Angela.

In fact, the only time that Angela stood up to Stacey was when Angela was taunting the school’s token goth (played by Kathryn Morris). That turned out to be a mistake because Stacey never forgave her. When Angela invited Stacey to a party, Stacey was reluctant to go. When Stacey did finally accept the invitation, Angela stabbed her to death.

A Friend to Die For/Death of a Cheerleader is based on a true story and the film tries to lay the blame for Angela’s crime on the affluent neighborhood she was raised in. Just in case we missed the message, the film actually features a Priest (played by Eugene Roche) who says that the community put too much pressure on Angela to succeed.

Uhmmm….okay, if you say so.

Seriously, this is a pretty good little true crime film and both Tori Spelling and Kellie Martin give really good performances but this whole “It’s society’s fault” argument is typical, mushy, made-for-TV, bourgeois liberal BS. Angela picked up the knife, Angela committed the crime, end of story. That said, A Friend To Die For is pretty good as far as these movies go. I already mentioned the performances of Spelling and Martin but also keep an eye out for Marley Shelton, who gets a really good scene in which she explains that she never liked Stacey that much while she was alive.

You can watch A Friend To Die For/Death of a Cheerleader below!

Back to School Part II #28: School’s Out (dir by Kit Hood)

Posted on September 7, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

School’s Out, a 1992 film that was made for Canadian television, is historically important for two reasons.

First off, it featured not only the first use of the F-word on Canadian broadcast television but the second as well! The first actor to say the word was Stefan Brogren who, in the role of frustrated lifeguard Snake Simpson, complained, “Joey Jeremiah spends his summer dating Caitlin and fucking Tessa!” About a minute later, Stacie Mistysyn (in the role of Caitlin), yelled, “You were fucking Tessa Campanelli!?”

I’m not sure what exactly went on behind-the-scenes before School’s Out broke the F-word barrier. Help me out, Canadian readers. Was this a big deal in your country? Was this controversial? Did you get weeks of warning or was everyone taken by surprise? And was happened afterwards? Does the F-word now show up regularly on Canadian television? I’m sincerely curious and I guess I’ll find out for myself when, after the presidential election, I move to Toronto.

Still, regardless of whether there was any drama behind-the-scenes, it’s interesting that, in 1992, Canada had already progressed beyond America, as far as censorship and broadcast standards concerned. 24 years later, actors on American network television are still not allowed to say what Stefan Brogren said during School’s Out.

Of course, if you’re a fan of Degrassi, you can probably appreciate the irony of Stefan Brogren being the one to break the Fuck Barrier. Brogren plays Archie “Snake” Simpson. When Degrassi: The Next Generation began in 2001, Archie was a teacher at Degrassi Community School. Over the course of the series, Archie married, became Emma Nelson’s stepfather, and was eventually appointed principal. Through it all, Archie has been a well-meaning but somewhat dorky authority figure. Simpson has always been the guy who you can depend on to explain why condoms are important and stalkers are bad but he’s also always been the guy who inevitably says something unintentionally humorous and then wonders why everyone is laughing at him.

But before Degrassi: The Next Generation, there was Degrassi Junior High and Degrassi High. These two shows aired in the 80s and featured Brogren (and Snake Simpson) as just another student, worrying about getting a girlfriend and occasionally dealing with an issue-of-the-week.

That brings us to the other reason why School’s Out is historically important. School’s Out was meant to serve as the finale of Degrassi High, a chance for the show’s fans to get one last chance to hang out with Snake, Caitlin, Wheels (the tragic Neil Hope), and Joey Jeremiah (Pat Mastroianni, with hair!) and perhaps get a glimpse of what the future held in store for them.

Though the producers may not have realized it at the time, School’s Out also perfectly lay the foundation for Degrassi: The Next Generation. I have to admit that, as much as I love Degrassi, I haven’t seen many episodes of Degrassi Junior High or Degrassi High. Fortunately, that didn’t make it difficult for me to follow School’s Out. In fact, many of the things that happened in School’s Out would regularly be referred to in Degrassi: The Next Generation.

The film opens with the senior class of Degrassi High graduating and preparing for their final summer before university and responsibility. Joey Jeremiah plans to ask his longtime girlfriend, Caitlin, to marry him. However, when Joey proposes to Caitlin, she turns him down. She’s not ready for that type of commitment, not when she’s about to leave town to go to college. (For his part, Joey failed a grade during Degrassi Junior High and, as a result, he’ll finally be starting his senior year while all of his friends are getting on with their lives. While Caitlin is studying journalism at university, Joey will presumably still be trying to pass Mr. Raditch’s history class.) Hurt over being turned down by Caitlin, Joey ends up sleeping with Tessa Campanelli (Kirsten Bourne). Soon, he is — as Snake memorably puts it — dating Caitlin and fucking Tessa.

What amazed me, as I watched School’s Out, was just how much of asshole Joey Jeremiah was truly portrayed as being. If, like me, you previously only knew him from Degrassi, then you know Joey as being a widowed used care salesman, a loving father, and an all-around good guy. So, it’s strange and a little bit jarring to see him here as a remorseless cheater who brags about betraying Caitlin and who cruelly teases Snake for being a virgin.

(Then again, seeing School’s Out adds an interesting shading to Joey’s character. Watching the film, I suddenly understood why Joey often seemed so overprotective of his stepson, Craig. During the third season of Degrassi, Craig made many of the same bad decisions that Joey previously made in School’s Out. Much as Joey was “dating Caitlin and fucking Tessa,” Craig was dating Ashley and fucking Manny. Watching School’s Out, I finally understood that, during seasons 3 and 4 of Degrassi, Joey was often looking at Craig and seeing himself.)

Of course, it wouldn’t be Degrassi if there weren’t a few other subplot going on at the same time as the Joey/Caitlin/Tessa love triangle. Seriously, hardly anyone gets a positive ending in School’s Out. Not only does Joey cheat and Snake curse but there’s also an unplanned pregnancy. There’s a party that leads to a major character driving drunk, killing a child, and blinding a classmate. Yes, the film does end with a wedding but we barely know the people getting married. Nobody, it seems, gets a truly happy ending.

Seriously, Canadian readers, how traumatizing was School’s Out when it was originally broadcast!?

Fortunately, I was able to watch School’s Out with the knowledge that, as bad as the summer was, Joey would eventually find love and Snake would get a job. As for Caitlin, she would not only end up hosting a public affairs show called Ryan’s Planet but, at the end of the 4th season of Degrassi, she would have a brief flirtation with director Kevin Smith.

(Both Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes were in Canada, filming Jay and Silent Bob Go Canadian, eh? It’s a long story.)

Anyway, I’m very happy that I finally watched School’s Out. I may even go back and watch Degrassi Junior High and Degrassi High. They’re all available on YouTube now!

On a final note — LOVE YOU, CANADA!

Back to School Part II #27: Benny’s Video (dir by Michael Haneke)

Posted on September 7, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For our next film in this Back to School series of reviews, let’s take a look at the 1992 Austrian film, Benny’s Video. It’s a dark and disturbing film about murder and the death of morality.

“A disturbing Austrian film about murder and the death of morality?!” you’re saying, “What is this!? A Michael Haneke film!?”

Well, as a matter of fact, it is. Benny’s Video was Haneke’s second film and one of the interesting things about it is that it reveals that, even this early in his cinematic career, Haneke was already a master at telling stories about characters estranged from society. Benny’s Video is remarkably assured film but it’s also one that is so disturbing that you may never want to watch it for a second time.

Benny is a an affluent teenager. He’s obviously intelligent and he has friends but, from the minute we meet him, we can tell that there is something off about Benny. Maybe it’s the flat monotone that he uses to express his thoughts. Maybe it’s the cold and rather pitiless look of his eyes and the way that Benny always seems to be on the outside observing his family and friends. Or maybe it’s the fact that, when we first meet Benny, he is obsessively watching and rewatching a video of pig being slaughtered with a bolt pistol.

When his parents go out of town for the weekend, Benny meets a girl (Ingrid Stassner) outside a video store. He brings her back to his house and, while his own cameras record the action, Benny shows her the footage of the pig being slaughtered. He tells her that he’s never actually seen a dead body but he knows “the tricks they use in action films” to make someone appear dead. He then shows her that he has a bolt gun of his own. As opposed to what happened to the pig, it takes three shots from the bolt gun to kill the girl.

Benny, who seems to be as confused by his actions as we are, puts the body in a closet and then goes out to a club. He sees a movie. He visits with friends. He gets his head shaved. And when his parents return home and snap at him for his new haircut, he shows them the video of him killing the girl.

Amazingly enough, the murder is not the most disturbing part of the film. What’s far more disturbing is the way his parents react. After sending Benny to his room, they sit at the kitchen table. Benny’s father (Ulrich Muhe) starts to calmly discuss their options and points out that, if Benny’s crime is discovered, they could be held responsible. Benny’s mother (Angela Winkler) is much more shaken by Benny’s crime. When, in a state of shock, she starts to giggle at her husband’s dispassionate demeanor, he snaps at her to remain calm…

And, seriously, it is so disturbing to watch! Haneke directs the film in an understated, almost documentary-like fashion and Arno Frisch gives a performance that somehow manages to be both compelling and soulless at the same time. Benny remains a mystery to not only his parents and the audience but to himself as well. Much like Gus Van Sant’s Elephant, Benny’s Video invites us to consider the enormity of a destructive act without offering any easy answers as to why the act happened in the first place.

Benny’s Video is a powerful film that will stick with you and one that shows that, even early in his career, Michael Haneke was a cinematic force to be reckoned with.