Retro Television Review: Baywatch 1.6 “The Sky Is Falling”

Posted on November 29, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001. The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, the ocean is full money!

Episode 1.6 “The Sky Is Falling”

(Dir by Kim Manners, originally aired on October 27th, 1989)

Baywatch was a show that was often known for being unintentionally funny.

Of course, it’s open for debate just how self-aware Baywatch may or may not have been. Some of the show’s writers and directors have claimed that the show was meant to be campy. At the same time, there are cast members who specifically left because they felt that there was no way to play some of the scenes they were expected to perform. Professional surfer Kelly Ward left the cast after he read a script that involved him fighting an octopus that tried to steal his surf board. Jason Momoa has said that appearing on Baywatch Hawaii early in his career made it difficult for him to convince other casting directors to give him a chance. That said, David Hasselhoff reportedly continues to swear that Baywatch was a sincere tribute to lifeguards and that it was responsible for people learning how to perform CPR and the Heimlich Maneuver. Once you’ve watched Hasselhoff tear up while talking about a girl who saved her little brother using a technique she saw on Baywatch, you’re left with little doubt that Hasselhoff took the show very seriously.

That said, I do think most of the humor on Baywatch was unintentional. That’s especially true of the first season, which was about as earnest as a network television show can be. With this week’s episode, Baywatch tried to be intentionally funny and the results were definitely mixed.

The humor came from Harv (James Sloyan) and Sylvia (Carol Siskind), two frumpy bank robbers who crashed their private plane in the ocean and subsequently lost a suitcase containing thousands of dollars. Throughout the episode, there are shots of the suitcase floating in the ocean. Finally, a boat collides with it and money goes flying everywhere. Soon, everyone is running into the water and getting trapped in a riptide. Lifeguards to the rescue! As for Harv and Sylvia, they were meant to be funny but instead, their constant bickering just got annoying. Watching them, I thought to myself, “If these two idiots can rob a bank, anyone can do it!” That’s not a Hasselhoff-approved message.

Slightly more successful was a storyline about Captain Thorpe (Monte Markham) deciding that he needed to get back on the beach. For Thorpe, this meant working a tower with Eddie and Shauni. For Eddie and Shauni, that meant having to spend hour after hour listening to Thorpe’s long-winded stories. Billy Warlock and Erika Eleniak actually did a pretty good job portraying the mind-numbing boredom of being stuck with Captain Thorpe.

As for the serious storyline, Gail has accepted a job in Ohio and wants to move there …. with Hobie! However, when Mitch helps Gail pack, they both get sentimental and end up sleeping together, leading Hobie to believe that his parents are going to get back together. Hey, divorced parents — DO NOT DO THIS! Seriously, divorce is hard enough on a child without giving them false hope. In the end, Gail decides to let Hobie stay in California after Hobie uses his junior lifeguard training to save the life of a drowned girl. Hobie’s a hero and his big reward is that he doesn’t have to go to Ohio. I’m going to say “Ouch!” on behalf of the Buckeye State.

In the end, this episode was pretty uneven. The thieves weren’t ever a credible threat but I did laugh at everyone running into the ocean to try to grab the stolen money. The important thing is that the show didn’t have to relocate to Ohio.

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 1.4 “Message In A Bottle”

Posted on November 1, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Save me!

Episode 1.4 “Message In A Bottle”

(Dir by Kim Manners, originally aired on October 20th, 1989)

Hobie’s such a dumbass.

For the second time in like four episodes (and that’s not counting the pilot), the entire Baywatch team is mobilized to search for him after he goes missing. This time, Hobie overhears Mitch and his ex-wife arguing over who should have custody of him so Hobie and two of his stupid little friends head off to an island that’s also being used by a couple of murderous modern-day pirates.

Seriously, Hobie — stuff like this isn’t going to look good when Craig is in court and trying to argue that you should stay in California with your Dad. So far, Hobie has nearly been killed by a collapsing pier, he’s ended up getting chased by a murderer on a jet ski and, in this episode, he’s menaced by two other murderers. It’s time to send Hobie to Indiana or some place else where there’s no ocean.

In other news, Shauni accidentally drives over Eddie’s foot so Mitch orders them to work the 24-hour shift together so that they can learn how to work as a team. Truth be told, Eddie is a bit of whiny punk and he definitely needs to learn how to work with other people. That said, I think Mitch is overlo0king the fact that Shauni, a trained lifeguard, drove over someone’s foot. (Shauni was apparently backing out and didn’t realize Eddie was behind her, which is even worse.) Mitch finds the whole thing to be amusing and, later, Shauni has a good laugh when she nearly runs over Eddie a second time. I don’t think any of these people should be anywhere near anyone who needs help. Sometimes, people really should just stand in the darkness.

This episode was supposed to make me appreciate the efforts of the Baywatch lifeguards to protect the beach and to find missing kids like Hobie. Instead, it just made everyone look incompetent and irresponsible. Halfway through this episode, I wanted someone to get attacked by a shark. It hasn’t happened yet but at least the show has given me something to which to look forward.

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 1.3 “Second Wave”

Posted on October 25, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Trouble comes to Malibu!

Episode 1.3 “Second Wave”

(Dir by Scott Brazil, originally aired on October 13th, 1989)

Jimmy Roche (Daniel Quinn), an old friend-turned-enemy of Eddie’s, is in Malibu and he and his gang are eager to give Eddie a hard time. When Eddie tries to rescue a man in the water, Jimmy trips him and then plays keep-away with Eddie rescue can. Dang, these guys are hardcore!

Eddie doesn’t want to tell anyone about his past, even after Jimmy files an assault complaint against him. (Eddie was provoked into throwing a punch.) Jimmy threatens to robs Gina and Craig unless Eddie gives him some money. Eddie agrees to meet with Jimmy but then tells the cops. Garner Ellerbee decides to set up an undercover sting, which basically means that Garner stands next to Eddie while Eddie waits for Jimmy to show up. Somehow, Jimmy figures out what’s going on. Looks like Eddie will just have to beat Jimmy up on the beach and prove that he’s no longer a delinquent from Philadelphia.

That would be an intense storyline, if not for the fact that Jimmy himself comes across as being kind of a wimp. I mean, a young David Spade is a member of his gang! Eddie allows himself to be intimidated by a young David Spade! Think about that. This storyline just made Eddie seem kind of dumb,

Meanwhile, a young Mariska Hargitay gave a terrible performance as Lisa (hey!), the daughter of the head of the country club. Lisa (!) decided to pursue a romance with the country club’s lifeguard, Trevor, as a way of upsetting her father. When Lisa (!) jumped into the ocean to make a point (though I’m not sure what point), Trevor rescued her. However, Lisa (!) later went into shock because she still had water in her lungs. Trevor was able to get her to the hospital in time but he learned an important lesson about not being a cocky lifeguard.

“The county lifeguards know about secondary drowning,” he’s told.

Okay, so why wouldn’t Trevor know about that? The whole idea behind Trevor’s character is that he was a hotshot lifeguard in Australia before he came to California. So, is the show implying that he wasn’t trained in lifeguard basics in Australia because given how famous Australia is for its beaches, I find that hard to believe.

Anyway, after she recovers Lisa (!) announces that she’s going back to New York and Trevor realizes that she was only using him to make her father angry. Trevor stops by Baywatch HQ and talks to Mitch and admits that he doesn’t enjoy working as a lifeguard. Lifeguard Jill Riley gives him a sympathetic look. It looks like they’re falling in love but I’ve seen this series before so I already know that Jill is going to get eaten by a shark and Trevor is going to vanish after a few more episodes.

This episode could have used a shark.

We love you, Roboshark!

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 1.2 “Heat Wave”

Posted on October 18, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Save me!

Episode 1.2 “Heat Wave”

(Dir by Gus Trikonis, originally aired on September 29th, 1989)

Not much of an episode this week, I’m afraid.

California is dealing with a heat wave and no one has air conditioning (really?) so everyone in Los Angeles is heading down to the beach so that they can relax in the hot sand. Eddie and Trevor keep giving each other the side eye because Eddie is a Baywatch lifeguard and Trevor is a country club life guard. Eddie tries to hit on a woman who has spent the entire day relaxing near his tower but it turns out that she’s visiting from Australia and only has eyes for Trevor. “Maybe next time,” she tells Eddie.

Craig is told by his boss that he has to choose between being a lawyer at a big firm or a lifeguard. Craig’s wife, Gina, suggests that Craig quit the law firm and become a beachfront lawyer. She says that he can still be a lifeguard and he can just use their kitchen table as his desk. I don’t know if I would be as understanding as Gina. Craig was making a lot of money as a big corporate lawyer, even if he apparently couldn’t afford to get an air conditioner.

(What the Heck, California? How are you surviving with air conditioning!?)

Meanwhile, two stupid kids get trapped in a storm drain. Mitch sends the junior lifeguards out to look for them. Hobie asks, “What can a bunch of junior lifeguards do?” Mitch replies that this is an opportunity for the junior lifeguards to go to all the places that they’re usually not allowed to go. So, basically, Mitch’s plan to find the missing kids is to put a bunch of other kids at risk. I guess that’s why he’s the lieutenant.

Luckily, the two dumb kids are rescued. One of the kids is the son of Steve Humboldt (Jeffrey Byron), a former Baywatch lifeguard. It turns out that Steve lost custody of his kid in a court case and he basically abducted him. But, after the kid nearly dies, Steve is like, “We’re going to call your mom and go home!” and that apparently makes everything okay under the “He Changed His Mind Afterwards” clause.

This was all pretty dumb. Stay out of the storm drain, kids! It’s not that difficult.

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 1.1 “In Deep”

Posted on October 11, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Hobie’s a snitch!

Episode 1.1 “In Deep”

(Dir by Peter H. Hunt, originally aired on September 22nd, 1989)

Hobie, you idiot!

Mitch’s young son is spending the summer with his father and he’s supposed to be concentrating on summer school. Instead, he hanging out with two older guys, Scott (Christopher Murphy) and Ron (Lance Gilbert), and basically letting himself be used as a slave in return for jet ski lessons.

Mitch is not a fan of jet skis. They’re unregulated and they’re dangerous, he says. As if to prove Mitch’s point, Scott collides with a windjammer! The woman on the windjammer is killed. (Craig and Eddie pull her body out of the ocean, which is the type of sad thing that Baywatch would eventually stop featuring.) Hobie, realizing Scott is guilty, tries to find the evidence to prove it and nearly gets himself killed as a result. Fortunately, Mitch is able to save him and Scott is arrested. I have to say that, after this episode, I kind of found myself agreeing with Mitch’s ex-wife. The beach is too dangerous!

Meanwhile, Craig caught Eddie sleeping in his lifeguard tower and realized that Eddie, who I assume is getting paid to be a lifeguard, doesn’t have a home. Did he ever have a home? Has he been sleeping on the beach all this time? How did he apply for Lifeguard School without an address? Anyway, Craig takes Eddie back to his Venice loft, where Craig’s wife (now played by Holly Gagnier, replacing the pilot’s Gina Hecht) decides that they should let Eddie rent their storage room. It’s even got a view of the beach, if you ignore all the other buildings in the way and instead just find that one unobstructed alley to look down. (Actually, Eddie finding and looking down that alley was cute and likable. He was so excited!) I have to say that, for a lawyer, Craig’s loft really sucked. It was pretty impressive for a lifegaurd, though.

The other big development this week is that Garner Ellerbee (Gregory Alan Williams) made his first appearance as the beach cop who hates sand. (Then why become a beach cop?) He and Mitch appear to be old friends. Little do they know that they will eventually open up a detective agency together.

This episode was predictable but the cast was super likable. The earnestness of it all carried the day.

Forever Knight – S1:E3 – “For I Have Sinned”

Posted on October 7, 2025 by Leonard Wilson

“He was brought across in 1228. Prayed on humans for their blood.
Now, he wants to be mortal again.To repay society for his sins.
To emerge from his World of Darkness. From his endless Forever Night.”

The Prologue opens in the back of an electronic store, where a couple is making out. The woman pushes her Security Guard lover away playfully and states she has to go, fastening a cross around her neck before leaving. Inside her car, the woman puts on a wedding ring. Before she can leave, a figure grabs her from the back seat, ripping the cross from her neck and whispering “You don’t deserve this.” as she screams. It’s time for another case!

Nick arrives at Janette’s nightclub, greeting each other with a small dance before Nick relays the recent murders in the city. “Two women, one decapitated, one disembowled.” Janette wonders why he came to her. She doesn’t care about mortals and reminds Nick that he’s “not people”, by dipping her finger in her blood filled glass, offering a taste. Schanke arrives in the club, getting a little close to one of the vampire patrons when Nick escorts him out. “It’s dangerous in there, Schanke.”, to which Schanke argues that his entire lineage are filled with ladies men who fooled around. They don’t have much time to go into details as he tells Nick about the latest crime scene.

With the chalk outline and blood splatter, Nick is quickly able to discern the crime as a crucifixion and has the cops on the scene bring in the guard as a suspect. One thing is certain, there is a an incredible about of blood loss. Could another vampire be doing this? At the morgue, Natalie’s analysis supports Nick’s theory. Death by a coronary. As she removes the victim’s cross, she sees Nick flinch and says “These things really make you uncomfortable, don’t they?” His response is that they make him sick. Natalie apologizes, noting he’ll have to keep the cross as evidence, with the other two woman all having had crosses with them and were all Catholic.

In a church, a priest listens to a confession. The voice in the other room explains that he’s not a sinner, that he holds the keys of perdition and of death. Father Pierre Rochefort (Michael McManus, TV’s Lexx) tries to dissuade the individual, but only receives a warning that more sinners will face his wrath. The priest hears footsteps scamper away, visibly shaken.

At his apartment, Nick tries some garlic pills that send him into a short fit. As he recovers, he examines the cross Natalie gave him that causes him to remember being in a chapel in the Dark Ages. He recalls Joan(Christine Cox, who ironically played a cop in her own vampire show, Blood Ties) who tells him he’s cursed because his salvation has him living in fear of death. As he raises his hand to the nearby cross in the flashback, his hand catches fire. At the same time, he drops the evidence cross into his palm, which burns a small imprint. “Well, the garlic pills are definitely an improvement.”, he whispers.

The next day, Father Pierre approaches another priest and asks his advice about going to the police. The elder price reminds him that what’s said in the confessional stays there, and has to be protected. This leaves Father Pierre a bit troubled. That night, Schanke makes a visit to Janette’s nightclub, where he catches the attention of Alma (Tracey Cook). She dazzles him with her vampire eyes and leads him into the back of the club, away from the others. Janette breaks up Alma and Schanke before she can have a drink. Janette warns Schanke to stay away from the club, else he might find himself a permanent member of the night shift. Schanke quickly runs out of the room and the club.

At a Naughty phone line service desk, a woman named Magda receives a call from the villain. He tells her he knows her name and that she “profanes the church by feeding the fires of lust”, threatening to burn her alive. Playing the call for her manager, she’s sent home. The poor girl can’t even make it out of the building before she’s caught by the masked killer. Nick, who happens to just be driving in the vicinity, hears her screams and pulls over his car, taking flight. He arrives in the building from the room and pulls his firearm on the villain. The villain pushes the girl into Nick’s arm and reveals a revolver of his own, shooting Nick at point blank range before darting down the stairs. Nick makes the girl call an ambulance, using the moment to change the villain out into the alleyway. He stops the masked individual who turns out to be Father Pierre. Nick’s seen a lot over the years, but even he seems shocked at the revelation.

In the Interrogation Room, Father Pierre says that he’s not protecting the killer, but the rules and beliefs of his religion. Nick scoffs at this, but the Captain (who’s also in the room) kicks Knight out after his outburst. Father Pierre poses a question: “Faith is the cornerstone of the church…I believe in it. Is there nothing you believe in that strongly?” We see another flashback, with Nick talking to Joan, who is due to be burned at the stake. He offers to make her a vampire, but she refuses. It’s something Nick can’t understand. She gives him her cross to remind him that “the faith you’ve lost is always there to regain.”

At the Precinct, Magda finds Nick, asking him if he’s okay. He shrugs off the shooting as just a grazing and that he’ll be fine. Magda suggests setting herself up as bait, but Knight refuses, sending her away. She then turns to Father Pierre, who comes into the hallway from the interrogation room, but he sends her away as well. The Captain has Nick find someone to put Magda in a hotel until everything’s safe.

Back at Nick’s apartment, Natalie discovers the old wooden cross and Nick tells her it belonged to Joan of Arc. Natalie is amazed by this, gently caressing the cross while listening as Nick talk about Joan. “You know, she had this incredible strength, this courage…” he smiles, reminiscing. “Faith.” Natalie smiles, still admiring the cross. Nick asks Natalie to bring the cross closer to him. When she does, he flinches, but fights against it. To Nat’s question of why he fears it, he says it’s because it’s “the One True Light and we’re creatures of the Dark.” Nick tells Natalie that he has to spend the day in the church in case the villain returns.

Dawn. We find Nick staring at the front of Father Pierre’s church. He has a quick conversation with Schanke, letting him know he doesn’t need any extra backup as it might tip the villain off. In the church, Knight moves through the pews, pausing at a row of candles. He remembers watching Joan, burning at the cross. He tries to run out the door, but with the sun already out, he’s trapped. Instead, he hides himself inside Father Pierre’s confessional box. Schanke, still feeling some guilt over his antics at Janette’s, steps into the church and into the other area of the confessional. Knight hears Schanke out, having some fun at the poor guy’s expense.

As the evening starts, the police are ready to close the stakeout when Schanke catches sight of Magda. She snuck out of the hotel and made her way into the church. Schanke gets knocked out in his car, and Magda is kidnapped by the villain and is taken behind the church to a hilltop where a large cross awaits. The villain ties Magda to the cross, preparing to start a bonfire. Knight arrives (via flight) and tackles the villain, eventually knocking him out. The villain’s torch lands in the kindling, starting the bonfire. Remembering Joans words about Faith being ready to be reclaimed, he leaps over the fire onto the platform and unties Magda. He covers her head with his jacket and jumps away from the bonfire saving them both. “How….” she breathes, “How did you do that?!” to which Knight replies…”A little bit of adrenaline…and a lot of faith.”

With the day (or night) saved, everyone’s at the precinct. Magda thanks Father Pierre and Nick as well, giving him her cross. He refuses at first, but she places it in his hand and closes it, smiling. Nick makes his way to the recovering Schanke and Natalie. Natalie notices the cross in Knight’s hand, amazed he’s able to hold it. “It still burns, but not as much.”, he says. Natalie suggests that he’s perhaps one step closer to redemption. Schanke offers to get them all food, but Nick states he can’t, putting on his sunglasses in a move that would make CSI’s Horatio Caine proud…”..the sun is coming up.” are his final words.

Retro Television Review: Baywatch: Panic At Malibu Pier

Posted on October 4, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today, I start a new series of reviews. Since I already did Baywatch Nights, it just made sense to go ahead and do Baywatch. All together, this show ran for 11 and a movie so it should only take 241 weeks to finish up the series….

“Baywatch: Panic At Malibu Pier”

(Dir by Richard Compton, originally aired on April 29th, 1989)

It’s not easy being a lifeguard.

That would seem to be the main theme running through Panic at Malibu Pier, the two-hour movie that also served as a pilot for Baywatch. Consider the drama:

Mitch Buchanan (David Hasselhoff) loves the beach and he loves getting in the water but it’s cost him his marriage and now, his ex-wife (Wendie Malick) is suing for sole custody of their young son, Hobie (Brandon Call). Hobie doesn’t like going to school. He doesn’t understand why he can’t just spend all day on the beach like his father. Mitch, meanwhile, has been promoted to lieutenant of Baywatch and he’s now no longer supposed to do rescues. He’s just supposed to supervise the other lifeguard. His boss, Captain Thorpe (Monte Markham), is very insistent on that. Mitch explains that he doesn’t even like wearing socks. Ewwww. You have to wear socks, Mitch!

Eddie Kramer (Billy Warlock) is a rookie lifeguard. He finished at the top of his class but he’s also a tough kid from Philadelphia who grew up in the foster system. Shauni (Erika Eleniak) is another rookie lifeguard who freezes up when she has to provide CPR to a drowned girl. Her mentor, Jill (Shawn Weatherly), tells Shauni that it happens to every lifeguard. I bet it’s never happened to Mitch. Shauni seems to have a crush on Eddie and Eddie seems to be driven to prove himself. Eddie has guts because he wears a Philadelphia t-shirt in California.

Al Gibson (Richard Jaeckel) is the veteran lifeguard who is reaching retirement age and who dies at the end of the episode and gets a big lifeguard funeral on the beach.

Trevor (Peter Phelps) is the Australian lifeguard who calls everyone “mate.”

Finally, Craig Pomeroy (Parker Stevenson) is the attorney who prefers to spend his time in his lifeguard tower. Even when he should be at the office and working for his clients, Craig just hangs out at his tower. He saves the life of a disturbed teenager named Laurie (Madchen Amick). Laurie subsequently becomes obsessed with him. When the married Craig tells her to stay out of his lifeguard tower and stop taking off all of her clothes, she accuses Craig of assaulting her. Later, she tries to murder Craig’s wife (Gina Hecht). This all could have been avoided if Craig had just gone to his office like he was supposed to.

This pilot film for Baywatch has everything that the show would make famous — stiff line deliveries from the supporting cast, red swimsuits, David Hasselhoff’s earnestly goofy sincerity, slow motion, and plenty of musical montages. Amongst the guest cast, Madchen Amick stands out at the obsessive Laurie, showing an ability for handling melodrama that would be put to good use on Twin Peaks. Take a drink every time Mitch says, “Rescue can,” and see how long you can go before passing out. Unlike a lot of pilots that don’t really resemble the eventual show, Panic at Malibu Pier is unmistakably Baywatch.

And, watching it, you can see why the show eventually became a success. The beach scenery is nice. The men are athletic, the women are pretty, and the slow motion is cool the first time you see it. Of course, the most important thing about the pilot — and the show itself — is that it doesn’t require a good deal of attention. It’s one of those things where you can step away from the screen for a few minutes and then come back without having worry about having missed anything important.

Panic at Malibu Pier was a ratings hit. Baywatch followed. We’ll get into that next week.

Retro Television Reviews: Acting Sheriff 1.1 “Pilot”

Posted on January 25, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Acting Sheriff, which aired on CBS in 1991. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Who is Brent McCord?

Why, he’s the acting sheriff!

Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

(Dir by Michael Lembeck, originally aired on August 17th, 1991)

At a small country jail in North Carolina, the staff is waiting the arrival of the new sheriff.

Dispatcher Helen Munson (Ruth Kobart) is grumpy and sarcastic, as all older characters were required to be in 1990s sitcoms.

Deputy Judith Mahoney (Diane Delano) is a blonde badass who can’t wait to enforce the law and lock up every criminal that she sees, despite the fact that there aren’t many criminals to be found in this small, rural county.

Deputy Mike Swanson (John Putch) is the smart, responsible deputy who ran for sheriff in the last election but lost, despite his years of hard work and his likability.

Who is the new sheriff? Why, he’s Brent McCord (Robert Goulet), a former Hollywood star who went from starring in films like Get Al Capone and A Fistful of Courage to appearing in books with titles like Where Are They Now? Brent once was a huge star but, after several failed television shows and a handful of divorces, he has returned home and …. run for sheriff, for some reason.

When he does show up at the jail, Brent swaggers around like John Wayne and says things like, “Is the slime infecting the streets waiting for me?” Brent McCord doesn’t know anything about being a county sheriff but he does know how to act like a character in a movie. He walks into the station, draws his gun, and accidentally fires it.

Deputy District Attorney Donna Singer (Hilary B. Smith) is not happy about the new sheriff. She tells him that, “Someone should put a tent over you and charge admission!” She’s even less happy when a banker robber (Lee Tergesen) escapes from the jail, largely due to the sheriff’s incompetence. Fortunately, Deputy Mike remembers a scene from Get Al Capone where McCord’s character recaptured a bank robber by leaving more money around for him to steal. Following the same strategy, Mike recaptures the bank robber but he allows Sheriff McCord to have all the credit. Mike’s a good guy who doesn’t hold a grudge over a silly thing like losing an election to a B-actor.

This pilot, which was produced by Disney for CBS, aired once and that was it. It didn’t lead to anymore episodes and, watching the pilot, it’s easy to see why. The pilot struggles to combine the relatively realistic portrayal of a county jail with the over-the-top performance of Robert Goulet. Occasionally, Goulet will get a laugh by delivering his pompous lines in the most self-serious manner possible. But, far too often, the character is so cartoonish that the other actors don’t seem to know how to keep up with Goulet’s hammy performance. (At times, Goulet seems to be copying William Shatner’s technique without any of Shatner’s charm.) Probably the biggest problem is that pilot fails to answer the most obvious question that one would have while watching the show. Why did Brent McCord run for sheriff? Does he want to do a good job or was he just bored? Does he care about the county or did he just want to see his name in the newspapers? Is he well-intentioned or just buffoonish? The pilot doesn’t seem to know and, as a result, audiences would never find out.

Horror Film Review: Poltergeist (dir by Tobe Hooper)

Posted on October 23, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1982 film Poltergeist tells the story of the Freeling family.

There’s Steven the father (Craig T. Nelson) and Diana the mother (JoBeth Williams). There’s the snarky teenager daughter, Dana (Dominique Dunne), who has a surprisingly good knowledge of the local motel scene. There’s the son, Robbie (Oliver Robins), who is scared of not only a big ugly tree but also a big ugly clown doll that, for some reason, sits in his bedroom. And then there’s the youngest daughter, Carol Ann (Heather O’Rourke).

They live in a planned community in Orange County, sitting just a few miles away from the cemetery. (Or so they think….) They’ve got a nice house. They’ve got nice neighbors. They’ve got a nice dog. They’re getting a pool in the backyard. There are hints that Steven and Diana may have once done the whole rebellion thing. They still occasionally get high, though they do it with a smugness that somehow manages to make marijuana seem less appealing. But, for the most part, Steven and Diana are happy members of the establishment. Steven sells real estate and is a favorite of his boss, Mr. Teague (James Karen). Diana is a stay-at-home mom who doesn’t get upset when some unseen spirit rearranges all the furniture in the kitchen (seriously, that would drive me crazy). They’re the type of family that falls asleep in front of the TV at night, which is a bit of a mistake as Carol Ann has started talking to the “TV people.”

Strange things start to happen. As mentioned earlier, furniture starts to rearrange itself. Whenever Carol Ann sits down in the kitchen, an unseen force moves her across the floor. Diana, for whatever reason, thinks this is the greatest thing ever. Then, on the night of a big storm, the big ugly tree tries to eat Robbie and Carol Ann goes into a closet and doesn’t come out. Though Carol Ann has vanished, the Freelings can still hear her voice. Apparently, she’s been sucked into another dimension and she’s being encouraged to go into the light.

Of course, this leads to the usual collection of paranormal researchers moving in. The house decides to pick on one unfortunate guy and he ends up not only eating maggot-filled meat but also imagining his face falling apart over a sink. A medium named Tangina (Zelda Rubinstein) comes by and reprimands Steven and Diana for not doing exactly what she says. Of course, it turns out that Tangina isn’t quite as infallible as she claims to be….

To me, Poltergeist is the epitome of a “Why didn’t they just leave the house” type of film. Don’t get me wrong. I understand that once Carol Ann vanished, Diana and Steven had to stay in the house to rescue their daughter. I’m talking about all the stuff that went on before the big storm. Seriously, if a ghost started moving furniture around in the kitchen, I’m leaving the house. At the very least, I’m not going to take my youngest daughter and invite the ghost to push her around the kitchen. Even stranger is that, at the end of the film, the Freelings still don’t leave the house even though the situation with Carol Ann has been resolved. They hire a moving truck and make plans to leave but, instead of spending a night in a hotel, they instead decide to spend one more night in a house that’s apparently possessed by Satan.

Poltergeist is famous for bringing together two filmmakers who really seem like they should exist in different universes. Steven Spielberg produced while Tobe Hooper directed. It seems like it’s impossible to read a review of Poltergeist without coming across speculation as to how much of the film should be credited to Spielberg and how much should be credited to Hooper. It must be said that the film does occasionally feel like it’s at war with itself, as if it can’t decide whether to embrace Spielberg’s middle class sensibilities or Hooper’s counter-culture subversiveness. On the one hand, the emphasis on special effects and the early scenes where the Freelings watch TV and Steven gets into a remote control fight with his neighbor all feel like something Steven Spielberg would have come up with. On the other hand, the obvious joy that the film takes in tormenting the Freelings feels more like Tobe Hooper than Steven Spielberg. Or take the film’s finale, where the special effects are pure Spielberg but the scene of Diana getting assaulted in bed and then thrown around her bedroom feels like pure Hooper. Really, it’s the mix of two sensibilities that make the film compelling. Poltergeist’s planned community is appealing but it’ll still kill you.

Anyway, I like Poltergeist. I certainly prefer the original to the remake. It’s a silly film in many ways but it’s still effective. Once you get over how stupid Diana acts during the first part of the film, JoBeth Williams gives a strong performance as a mother determined to protect her children. And Craig T. Nelson gives a classic over the top performance, especially towards the end of the film. Just listen as he screams, “Don’t look back!” That said, my favorite performance comes from James Karen, who is perfectly sleazy as the outwardly friendly, cost-cutting land developer.

Poltergeist is still a good, scary film. And, if anyone wants to play a lengendary prank this Halloween, show it to someone who has a fear of clowns.