Tag Archives: Lisa Marie Bowman

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 2.8 “High Plains Dreamer” and 2.9 “Bwa Ha Ha Means I Love You”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Tony turns out to be a total coward while the Dreams attempt to record their first album.

But first, the opening  credits.  Again, because the post-Jenny opening credits for season two have not been uploaded to YouTube, you have to imagine Jennie Kwan in the place of Heidi Noelle Lenhart.

Episode 2.8 “High Plains Dreamer”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 30th, 1993)

Oh Good God.

Like all TNBC shows, California Dreams had its share of bad episodes.  In fact, technically, you could argue that the majority of them were bad.  It’s not like anyone was trying to win an Emmy for a writing or directing a show like Saved By The Bell, Hang Time, or California Dreams.  Still, even the knowledge that we’re not exactly dealing with Friends or Seinfeld here, left me unprepared for the crappiness of High Plans Drifter.

High Plains Drifter is the worst episode of California Dreams that I have seen so far.  At the movies, Tony is threatened by a bully.  Tony reacts by passing out.  Seriously, he doesn’t even get knocked unconscious in a fight or anything like that.  Someone gives him a mean look and he faints!  And then, while he’s passed out, he imagines that he’s a drifter who becomes the sheriff of an old west town.  Matt shows up as the town’s singing cowboy.  Jake is the blacksmith who promised his wife, Tiffani, that he would never pick up a gun.  Sly is the rich ne’er-do-well who owns the town.  Sam runs the town’s dancehall, which is obviously meant to be a brothel.

One gets the feeling that the cast had fun with this episode, because everyone got to wear a costume and speak with an exaggerated Southwestern accent.  But, for the most part, the humor is painfully corny (even by the standards of California Dreams) and the cast’s overly theatrical performances quickly wear out their welcome.

Let’s move on!

Episode 2.9 “Bwa Ha Ha Means I Love You”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 6th, 1993)

Jake and Tiffani’s seven-week anniversary is coming up and cash-poor Jake hasn’t even bought her a present yet!  It looks like it’s time for to Jake to set aside both his pride and his leather jacket and take a job at Maniac Music.  Jake puts on a tie and a red vest and soon, he’s the one handing out flyers and saying, “Welcome to — Bwa ha ha! — Maniac Music!”

Unfortunately, only Tony knows that Jake has taken a job.  When the other Dreams — and Tiffani — begin to wonder why Jake appears to be sneaking around, Jake’s fumbling attempts to answer their questions leads to Sam deciding that Jake must be cheating on Tiffani.  And, of course, Tiffani believes it because …. well, who knows?  This is another one of those annoying episodes where a lot of conflict could have been avoided by people just not being stupid.

Meanwhile, the Dreams record their first album!  And hey, it only takes an hour or two!  They perform in Matt’s garage and Sly hits record on the big tape recorder.  They don’t even need a producer or a mixing board or anything else like that.  Sly takes the tape and heads down to Maniac Music.  When he discovers that Jake is working there, Sly convinces him to pressure the store manager into carrying the tape.

The members of the Dreams hear that their album is for sale at Maniac Music so they head down there.  Not only do they discover that Jake has a job at the store but they also discover that all of the tapes are blank!  Sly screwed up the recording but why would the store manager agree to stock the tapes without checking to make sure that there was actually something on them?  Meanwhile, Tiffani is so mad that Jake lied to her that she refuses to speak to him.  Jake angrily quits his job.

Fortunately, all it takes for Jake to get back together with Tiffani is one impassion speech at Sharky’s.  Plus, the Dreams record their performance so I guess they’ll survive the whole blank tape fiasco.  Yay.

This was an incredibly busy episode.  In fact, it was a bit too busy.  Nothing anyone did made sense.  Sly was somehow allowed to remain the manager of the Dreams despite screwing up their big break.  Jake told increasingly elaborate lies to hide from Tiffani the fact that he had a job even though Tiffani has consistently been the only Dream who probably wouldn’t have made fun of him for having to wear a dorky vest.  This was an annoying episode but it was still a hundred times better than the old west episode so it had that going for it.

Seriously, that old west episode was bad!

Retro Television Review: One World 2.8 “Treasure of the Sierra Lotto” and 2.9 “A Walk On The Side”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

The Cast of One World

Are we still living in One World?  Let’s find out….

Episode 2.8 “Treasure of the Sierra Lotto”

(dir by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on November 6th, 1999)

After the Blake kids pool their resources and buy a lottery ticket, they agree that, if they win, they’ll give the money to the poor.  Guess what happens?  They don’t win the big jackpot but they do win $50,000!  Suddenly, no one other than Jane feels like giving the money to the poor.  Jane gets so frustrated with everyone’s greed that she announces that she doesn’t want any of the money and….

Uhmmm, when did Jane become an activist?  Seriously, Jane has spent a season and a half being self-centered and greedy but suddenly, she’s obsessed with giving money to charity.  The only person who is willing to stand with Jane is St. Neal, who refused to contribute any money to the lottery pool to begin with.  So, why exactly is he even allowed to have an opinion?

(At least Neal has been annoyingly self-righteous since the first episode.  Jane apparently developed an entirely new personality from out of nowhere.)

While all of this stupidity is going on, Dave is offered a contract to pitch in Japan!  Will Dave abandon his chance to make a career comeback for his annoying foster children?  Of course he will!  What a chump.  Maybe if Dave had spent a few months in Japan and made some money, his adopted children wouldn’t have to play the lottery just to have enough money to eat.  Ever think about that, Dave!?

Anyway, Jane steals the lottery ticket and uses the money to start a free lunch program at the “hottest under-21 club in Miami,” The Warehouse!  It’s amazing that it only took Jane a day start a free lunch program and she was somehow able to do it all without any other members of the family noticing.  (Marci is assistant manager at the Warehouse so you would think someone would have mentioned it to her.)  Anyway, the Blakes forgive Jane for stealing the money.  St. Neal looks around the Warehouse says, “This soup kitchen looks a little understaffed.”  Everyone pitches in to help and…

God, I hated this sanctimonious, painfully unrealistic episode.  If you give a bunch of teenagers $50,000, there’s a lot that is going to happen but none of it is going to involve opening up a soup kitchen.  Let’s move on.

Episode 2.9 “A Walk On The Wild Side”

(dir by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on November 13th, 1999)

Jane’s old friend from the streets, Lori (Joanna Canton), shows up and stays with the Blakes for a night.  Lori tells Jane that her foster family is totally lame and Sui, Marci, and Cray prove her right by convincing themselves that St. Neal is actually a serial killer known as the “Miami Mangler.”

Eventually, Lori tries to convince Jane to rob The Warehouse but, when Jane says that she can’t steal from the place that employs her family, Lori accuses Jane of being a sell-out.  Jane makes plans to run away from home but Ben talks her out of it.  Meanwhile, Neal is revealed to not be the Miami Mangler but instead to be an aspiring magician.  Neal does a really simple magic trick and the studio audience goes crazy.

This was a weird episode.  The whole thing about Jane being tempted to “walk on a wild side” seemed like it was taken from an entirely different episode from all the stuff about the Blakes thinking that Neal was a murderer.  Jane and Lori broke into The Warehouse after it closed.  A scene later, Neal invited Marci, Sui, and Cray to come see him at the Warehouse, again after it closed.  Why is this family always hanging out at The Warehouse after it closes?  It all made little sense.  Jane should have gone to Chicago with Lori.

Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix for Laserblast!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 10 pm et, I will be hosting #FridayNightFlix!  The movie? 1978’s Laserblast!

Which film has Kim Milford, Roddy McDowall, Eddie Deezen, Keenan Wynn, Rainbeaux Smith, Gianni Russo, Dennis Burkley, and two Claymation aliens!?  This film!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag!  I’ll be there tweeting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well.  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Laserblast is available on Prime, Tubi, YouTube, Pluto, and almost every other streaming service!  On twitter, I’ll be sharing a commercial-free link for the film begins.

See you there!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 2.9 “Big Brother” and 2.10 “Over the Speed Limit”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Let’s return to Manny High, with the neat guys who are smart and streetwise!

Episode 2.9 “Big Brothers”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 7th, 1998)

It turns out that the students at Manny High are required to take on “community service projects!”  I mean, it’s not bad enough that they already have to deal with bullies, drug dealers, and gun violence.  They also have to do give back to the community.  While Dawn signs up to spend time with a grouchy old man, Jamal and Chris are assigned to be big brothers to a 10 year-old delinquent named Ernesto.

Ernesto, incidentally, is played by Brandon Baker who would later go on to play Cray on One World.  On One World, Cray was a fairly annoying character but that had less to do with Baker’s performance and more to do with the fact that he always got the worst lines of every episode.  While the scripts for City Guys were often full of cringey dialogue, they were still marginally better than the scripts for One World and that works to Baker’s advantage.  He’s actually not bad Ernesto.

Of course, Jamal and Chris totally screw up being big brothers.  Is there nothing that those two didn’t screw up?  However, eventually, they realize that Ernesto is an aspiring artist.  Meanwhile, Dawn’s old man is former architect.  The three of them decide to have Ernesto hang out with the old man.  Problem solved!

Meanwhile, L-Train is somehow assigned to be a teacher’s assistant for Driver’s Ed.  L-Train turns out to be a harsh and demanding teacher but it turns out that it was all for the best as everyone passes, including Al and Cassidy!  Yay!  Everything works out for everyone!  That’s what happens when you roll with the city guys.  As improbable as it may be that L-Train would end up teaching a class, the episode does give Steven Daniel a chance to show once again that he probably had the best comedic timing of the entire cast.

Episode 2.10 “Over The Speed Limit”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 14th, 1998)

Cassidy gets hooked on speed!  Well, it’s not really speed.  It’s diet pills that also provide a burst of energy but they also lead to Cassidy missing class and generally overacting and …. what?  Yes, you are correct.  This is indeed the same basic plot as the I’m So Excited! episode of Saved By The Bell.  Cassidy says that she needs the pills because she’s both starring in a play and going to school.  Of course, she ends up having a speed-induced meltdown during the premiere of the play.  It was, needless to say, totally unrealistic.

Meanwhile, Al and L-Train got a radio show of their own and started to become more popular than Chris and Jamal.  However, Al and L-Train’s egos got the better of them, allowing Chris and Jamal to continue to dominate the airwaves or whatever the Hell it is that they’re supposed to be doing in the school radio station.  To be honest, I’ve never quite understood how the whole radio station thing works.  I mean, are they hosting the show during class time or are they showing up at school super early in the morning so that they can entertain everyone before the bell rings?  Or are they hosting their show while everyone else is eating lunch?  Add to that, it seems like Al and L-Train had a point.  Why should Chris and Jamal be the only people hosting a radio show?

Perhaps that question will be answered next week.  Perhaps not.  We’ll see!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.10 “Dear Beverly/The Strike/Special Deliver”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard!  We’re expecting you!

Episode 10.10 “Dear Beverly/The Strike/Special Delivery”

(directed by Allen Baron, originally aired December 3rd, 1977)

Tonight’s voyage is all about misunderstandings!

For example, Beverly Blanchard (Eva Gabor) is an advice columnist who has built a career out of helping people work their way through misunderstandings.  When she boards the Love Boat, she is swarmed by fans who all want her advice.  She even leads a little seminar by the pool, in which she asks people if they have any problems that she can help with.  Unfortunately, what she doesn’t understand is that her husband, Russ, is feeling neglected.  Usually, I would say that Russ should stop feeling sorry for himself but Russ is played Leslie Nielsen, who is so superlikable in his stiffly earnest way that it’s hard not to have some sympathy for him.  When Beverly finds out that Russ has been spending time with another passenger (Stephanie Blackmore), she writes a column in which she announces her retirement so that she can give Russ the attention he deserves.  Personally, I would think a better column would be about why husbands shouldn’t cheat on their wives, especially with someone who they’ve known for less than 24 hours.

Speaking of cheaters, Jeff Smith (Robert Urich) cheated on his wife, Gail (Pamela Franklin), and now they’re separated.  When Jeff boards the ship, he tries to pursue a romance with Julie but he quickly admits that he’s still hung up on his wife.  What Jeff doesn’t know is that Gail is also on the ship and she’s 9 months pregnant!  Now, considering that this is The Love Boat, it probably will not surprise you to learn that Gail goes into labor while on the boat and it’s up to Doc and Jeff to deliver the baby while the rest of the crew waits outside.  Fortunately, the baby makes it and Jeff and Gail get back together.  But what about Jeff cheating on Gail?  Well, Gail takes responsibility for that, saying that she drove him to it.  I was expecting at least one member of the crew to tell her that Jeff was responsible for his own decisions but instead, everyone nodded alone.  Like, what the Hell?

Meanwhile, Captain Stubing was upset to learn that Chef Antonio Borga (Al Molinaro) was going to be in charge of the ship’s kitchen for the cruise.  Apparently, there was bad blood between the two.  When Borga refused to work, Stubing attempted to prepare dinner himself.  The results were disastrous but the Chef respected the Captain for trying.  And perhaps Chef Borga realized that Captain Stubing could probably get him fired for insubordination.  Well, the important thing is that everyone came to an agreement and people got to eat.

This was a weird episode.  The Chef storyline seemed like filler.  The other two stories both featured women making excuses for cheating husbands.  If this episode wanted to remind me that The Love Boat is very much a show of the 70s, it succeeded.  This episode had a lot of boat but not a lot of love.

Hopefully, next week’s cruise will be a bit less problematic.

An Election Day Blast From The Past: Jerry Springer Isn’t Afraid Of The Truth

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today, we have a special election day blast from the past!

In 1982 (and not 1980, regardless of what the title of the YouTube video says), former Cincinnati Mayor Jerry Springer entered the race for governor of Ohio.  He was one of three major candidates to enter the Democrat primary.  During the campaign, Springer cut this memorable commercial in which he let voters know that, a few years earlier, he “spent some time with a woman (he) shouldn’t have” and that he “paid her with a check.”

Despite Jerry’s claim that “the nomination is finally within grasp,” he came in a distant third.  Of course, if Springer had won that election, America would never have had the Jerry Springer Show or any of the shows, like Maury, that followed its example.  So, Ohio, it’s all on you.  Elections have consequences.

Happy Election Day From The Shattered Lens

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

To our American readers (and writers), Happy Election Day!

Don’t fear, everyone.  I’m not a Get Out The Vote evangelist.  I think whether or not you cast your vote is your decision and, quite frankly, I think that you can make as legitimate a statement by refusing to vote as you can be casting your vote.  That’s one of the great things about America.  If you dislike all of the candidates, you don’t have to vote for them.  Don’t let tell anyone tell you otherwise.

That said, I vote in every election that I can because I like seeing all of the names on the ballot and, in the end, I do like to have some sort of say in how things go.

Here is TV’s Hank Hill with his thoughts on why you should register to vote.

Happy Election Day, everyone!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 2.5 “War of the Roses” and 2.6 “Short Cuts”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

The season continues!

Episode 2.5 “War of the Roses” 

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 5th, 1996)

Mary Beth (Megan Parlen) proves once again that she is the coolest girl at Deering High by painting the boy’s locker room pink without asking them.  Vince (Michael Sullivan) freaks out about the pink (actually, it’s salmon) and leaves Mary Beth an angry note.  Mary Beth gets angry about the note and hires a muscle-bound dude to threaten Vince in front of his friends.  Vince tries to get Mary Beth to eat a poisoned chili dog.  Eventually, Mary Beth somehow changes Vince’s grades to make it appear the Vince is ineligible to play basketball while Vince STEALS COACH FULLER’S WALLET and tries to frame Mary Beth.

Like, seriously, what the Hell?

It all leads to a really weird scene in which a mock trial is held to determine whether or not Mary Beth and Vince should be barred from being involved in basketball.  Finally, Mary Beth acknowledges that she shouldn’t have repainted the locker room without talking to anyone (how exactly did Mary Beth repaint the locker room without anyone noticing?) and Vince admits that his note was rude.  Everything works out.

Meanwhile, in the B-plot, Julie again proves herself to be the world’s worst girlfriend by getting angry at Josh for trying to throw her a surprise birthday party.  This whole Julie/Josh subplot felt like it belonged in a first season episode but it did lead to Mary Beth smashing a birthday cake in Julie’s face, which was kind of satisfying considering how whiny Julie was in this episode.  (“This is why I hate surprise parties!” Julie yells.)

This was …. well, look, it was pretty dumb.  But Megan Parlen was a good enough comedic actress to save her storyline.  And personally, I’m on her side as far as the locker room is concerned.  That shade of pink really was pretty.

Episode 2.6 “Short Cuts”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 12th, 1996)

Wow, Vince sure is a screw-up.  He spent the previous episode trying to destroy Mary Beth’s life.  This episode, he starts taking steroids.  Of course, this leads to him getting acne and roid rages but it also helps him win a few basketball games so …. well, let’s just say that everyone is quick to jump on Vince’s back for taking drugs but no one suggests giving back any of their victories.

Vince is using drugs because he wants to attend a basketball clinic with Coach Fuller and a short basketball player named Muggsy.  (I went on Wikipedia and discovered that Muggsy actually was a real basketball player, even though he was shorter than me!  That’s kind of neat!)  At the start of the show, Fuller announces that only Julie and Josh qualify for the clinic because, in the world of Hang Time, Julie and whoever she’s dating at the time are the only people who can actually play well.  Once Vince starts taking the steroids and having rages, he qualifies for the clinic but he is just as quickly disqualified because of his drug use.  Fortunately, Muggsy is there to tell him to stop being a whiny baby and to stay off the pills.

In the B-plot, Danny directs a really crappy sci-fi film.  Unfortunately, he also accidentally films Vince with his dealer so Vince destroys the tape.  Damn, Vince!

This episode was a reworking of the episode of California Dreams in which Tiffani got hooked on steroids and the episode of Saved By The Bell where Zach needed to raise money to replace the school’s video camera.  It was predictable but the cast did a fairly good job.  If nothing else, this episode showed that Reggie Theus improved quite a bit as an actor between seasons 1 and 2.  And he didn’t need steroids to do it!  Let that be a lesson to all.

Film Review: Project Skyquake (dir by József Gallai)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Project Skyquake, the latest film from director József Gallai, opens with a voice in the darkness.  The voice belongs to Andrew Derrickson (Simon Bramford), the stepfather of a student journalist named Cassie.  Andrew explains that Cassie and her friend Margot have been missing for a while.  They are actually one of the many people who disappeared all in the same day, an event that changed the world.

As he speaks, we see scenes of empty roads, abandoned buildings, and ominous forests and we can’t help but notice that there does not seem to be many people around.  We know that something big has happened but we don’t know what yet.  However, when looking at these desolate images, it’s hard not to think about what the real world has gone through over the past two years.  Due to the pandemic and lockdowns, many people did literally seem to disappear.  They retreated into their homes and they locked their doors and some have yet to emerge.  In the early days of the Pandemic, images of empty streets and deserted buildings were a regular feature on the news and online.  Some news sources even took to referring to the pre-COVID days as being the “before time,” as if the expectation was that the world would just have to accept the new normal of a empty streets and missing faces.  Project Skyquake, I should make clear, is not directly a COVID film but it is a film that resonates because of what most of humanity has just been through (and what many people are currently still experiencing).  At a time when many are trying to memoryhole what it was like and pretend as if it really wasn’t as bad as all that, Project Skyquake is a film that reminds us of exactly what it felt like to feel as if one was witnessing the end of the world.

We watch footage of the days leading up to the disappearance of Cassie (Laura Ellen Wilson) and her friend Margot (Laura Saxon).  Cassie is fascinated by “skyquakes,” a very real phenomena in which people have reported hearing explosions and trumpets coming from the sky.  As Cassie explains it, some people think that the skyquakes are UFO-realted.  Some blame the government.  Some say it’s a natural occurrence with a scientific explanation.  Others view the skyquakes as being the sound of heavenly trumpets announcing the start of the rapture and the end of the world.  Cassie explains that the skyquakes could be holes in time and we are hearing the sounds of the future.

After receiving a video from Hank (Tom Sizemore), another skyquake researcher, Cassie and Margot drive out to a location where skyquakes have frequently been reported.  They’re hoping to capture the phenomena on film.  Instead, they find themselves driving further and further into what appears to be a deserted forest.  Of course, the forest isn’t as deserted as it may appear and Cassie and Margot soon discover the truth about the skyquakes….

Project Skyquake is an enjoyably creepy found footage film.  The film makes good use of its atmospheric locations, with the forest and the things found within growing significantly more threatening with each passing moment.  (The shots of the abandoned buildings and the unwelcoming wilderness reminded me a bit of Jean Rollin’s The Night of the Hunted, with its portrayal of semi-deserted and dystopian Paris.)  The film does a good job of capturing the frightening and powerless feeling of being lost, both physically and mentally.  Laura Ellen Wilson and Laura Saxon are both immediately sympathetic as Cassie and Margot and, even more importantly, they’re believable as lifelong friends.  The viewer really does care about what is going to happen to them.

The film also does a good job of portraying the underground network of paranormal investigators and hobbyists who are convinced that there is more to the world than what can be easily seen.  Along with Tom Sizemore’s Hank. we also hear from Scott Carmichael (Robert LaSardo), an expert on the phenomena, and a Professor Stokkebø (Jon Vangdal Aamaas).  They are people who come from different parts of the world and different backgrounds but what they all share in common is a belief that there is more out there than we know or have been told about.

Project Skyquake is a short but effective film about a real-world phenomena.  It’ll make you listen to the sky a little more carefully then next time you’re standing underneath it.