Tag Archives: Lisa Marie Bowman

Horror Film Review: Hellraiser (dir by David Bruckner)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I started watching the Hellraiser reboot.  I fell asleep about 40 minutes in.

That’s never a good sign, especially when it comes to a horror movie.  A horror movie is supposed to be so scary that you can’t sleep.  It’s supposed to be so intense and disturbing that it gives you nightmares, even if you actually do manage to get some rest.  A horror movie is supposed to haunt you, not bore you.  That’s especially true of the Hellraiser movies, which are defined by their grotesque imagery and the terrifying implications of the Cenobites.

This morning, I finished watching the movie.  Somehow, I did not fall asleep again.

The Hellraiser reboot asks the question: “If Doug Bradley isn’t playing Pinhead, is there any point to watching this crap?”

Based on this movie (and, to be fair, the two previous Hellraisers as well), the answer would appear to be no.  Jamie Clayton takes over the role of Pinhead in the new Hellraiser and the results are a bit underwhelming.

I mean, the Cenobites still look somewhat frightening, don’t get me wrong.  And the puzzle box is a huge part of the reboot’s plot.  And there’s still a lot of blood and a lot of talk about how suffering can be music and a lot of people get ripped apart by magical space chains.  But, with all that in mind, the Cenobites still come across as being kind of boring.  They’ve gone from being frightening creatures beyond imagination to just being generic bad guys.

A big problem is that Jamie Clayton never quite captures the all-encompassing contempt for existence that Doug Bradley brought to the role.  Bradley played Pinhead as a regal sadist, delivering his lines with a withering condescension.  As played by Bradley, Pinhead was really neither good nor evil.  He had transcended such concerns in his search for experience.  Hence, he could get away with announcing that he and the Cenobites were angels to some and demons to others.  In the original Hellraiser, Pinhead (and Bradley) made his first appearance by saying, “You called, we came,” and that pretty much summed up what made the character so frightening.  Bradley’s Pinhead had no concern as to the circumstances that led to him being  called and he certainly had no patience for anyone who thought they could talk their way out of the situation.  Bradley’s Pinhead was beyond such concerns and that made him all the more frightening.

Jamie Clayton’s Pinhead, on the other hand, is smug and not much else.  She’s playing a game with humanity but that leaves her vulnerable to losing.  That’s a mistake that Bradley’s Pinhead would not have made.  (Or, at least, he wouldn’t have made it in the original movie.  The Hellraiser sequels are a different story.)  There’s nothing particularly regal about Clayton’s Pinhead.  She’s just another horror villain.  With her demanding a sacrifice from anyone who cuts themselves on the puzzle box, she’s not that much different from the little girl in Ring.

(In Clayton’s defense, she’s not the first person to replace Doug Bradley as Pinhead.  Bradley also did not appear in the two previous Hellraiser films, Revelations and Judgment.  Bradley felt the scripts were poorly written and, perhaps more to the point, Dimension Films wanted him to take a pay cut.)

As for the reboot itself, it’s about Riley (Odessa A’zion), a recovering drug addict who, along with her boyfriend Trevor (Drew Starkey), steals the puzzle box and then cuts herself on the box which leads to the Cenobites stalking all of her annoying friends.  Riley is an incredibly unlikable character and her friends are kind of whiny so who cares?  Gordan Visnjic plays a decadent businessman who is trying to manipulate the box to his own ends.  Visnjic has a good scene at the start of the film, one that perfectly captures the privileged ennui that would lead to someone getting involved with the Cenobites.  But, eventually, even Visnjic is reduced to being a one-dimensional character.

The main lesson of this Hellraiser film (and the previous two films as well) is that things work better with Doug Bradley than without him.

Horror On The Lens: The Phantom of the Opera (dir by Rupert Julian)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s horror movie on the Shattered Lens is both a classic of silent era and one of the most influential horror films ever made.  It’s one that I previously shared in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2108, 2019, 2020, and 2021 but it’s such a classic that I feel that it is worth sharing a second (or fifth or even a sixth or perhaps an eighth) time.

First released in 1925, The Phantom of the Opera is today best known for both Lon Chaney’s theatrical but empathetic performance as the Phantom and the iconic scene where Mary Philbin unmasks him. However, the film is also a perfect example of early screen spectacle. The Phantom of the Opera was released during that period of time, between Birth of the Nation and the introduction of sound, when audiences expected films to provide a visual feast and Phantom of the Opera certainly accomplishes that. Indeed, after watching this film and reading Gaston Leroux’s original novel, it’s obvious that the musical was inspired more by the opulence of this film than by the book.

This film is also historically significant in that it was one of the first films to be massively reworked as the result of a poor test screening. The film’s ending was originally faithful to the end of the novel. However, audiences demanded something a little more dramatic and that’s what they got.

October Positivity: The Perfect Race (dir by Dave Christiano)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In this 2019 sequel to Remember The Goal, cross country coach Courtney Smith-Donnelly (Allee Sutton Hethcoat) finds herself coaching at the college level.  One of the runners that she coached in high school, Brittany (played by Bethany Davenport), is now the best runner at Bethany University.  In fact, she’s the second best runner in the nation!  Coach Michaels (Clarence Gilyard, Jr.) brings in Courtney to work with Brittany while he deals with some health complications.

So, pretty much all the stuff that happened during the first movie happens during the second.  Once again, everyone doubts Courtney’s training methods.  Once again, Courtney takes it upon herself to tell all of the runners how to live their lives.  Brittany’s father gets angry when Courtney tells Brittany to run slower than usual.  Considering that Courtney is now a local celebrity because of how well the cross country team did in Remember the Goal, you might think that the other coaches would know about her techniques and would prepare for them.  But nope.  No one has any faith in Courtney’s ideas but she’s vindicated in the end.  In fact, over the course of two movies, Courtney is never once incorrect about anything.  To be honest, that’s kind of annoying.

The main difference between Remember The Goal and The Perfect Race is that Courtney is a thousand times more preachy in the sequel.  In the first film, she cited a verse from Corinthians and later talked about Jesus raising a girl from the dead and that was about it.  In The Perfect Race, it’s rare that a scene goes by without Courtney saying, “Do you remember the story about….” and then offering up a Biblical lesson.  It gets a bit tiring and, again, it’s hard not to get bored with Courtney having all of the answers all of the time.  For example, when she’s told that the track team doesn’t practice when its raining, she promptly asks everyone in the room to raise their hand if their parents are divorced.  Courtney goes on to explain that, if you’re not willing to train while it’s raining, you probably won’t be able to make a marriage work either.  WHAT!?  You know what else might end a marriage?  Dying of pneumonia.

For a film about athletics, The Perfect Race is a very talky film.  Unfortunately, most of the conversations are very repetitive.  When Courtney tells Brittany to slow down during one of her races, we got several scenes in a row of people asking each other why Courtney did that.  Brittany’s father asks Brittany why Courtney told her to slow down.  Brittany replies that she doesn’t know.  In the very next scene, Brittany’s father tells Coach Micheals about what Courtney told Brittany to do.  Coach Michaels asks Brittany’s father why Courtney did that.  “I don’t know,” Brittany’s father replies.  Coach Michaels asks Brittany why Courtney did that.  “I don’t know,” Brittany replies.  In the next scene, two rival coaches talk about Brittany slowing down.  One coach asks, “Why did she do that?”  “I don’t know,” the other coach replies.  And it just kept going and going until eventually, I wanted to throw something at the TV.

Anyway, my frustrations aside, Courtney is triumphant at the end of the movie, largely because Courtney is perfect and never makes any mistakes.  Did I mention how annoying that can get?

This film inspired me to go for a run, if just to have an excuse to stop watching it.  And, before anyone asks, I do not like carrots.

Horror On TV: Circle of Fear 1.19 “Graveyard Shift” (dir by Don McDougall)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

On tonight’s episode of Circle of Fear, John Astin plays a former actor who now makes a meager living as a security guard at the studio where he once worked.  Unfortunately, the studio is shutting down.  John Astin will be out of a job but, as he discovers one night, he’s not the only one who fears being forgotten.  This is the type of story that could only have been told in the days before physical media, streaming sites, and cable.

Patty Duke, who was married to Astin at the time, plays his character’s wife.  Playing their baby is John and Patty’s newborn, future actor MacKenzie Astin.  William Castle, who served as executive producer of Circle of Fear, appears as the head of the studio.

This episode originally aired on February 16th, 1973.

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Scissors (dir by Frank De Felitta)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The plot of the 1991 film, Scissors, is not easy to describe. That’s not because the plot is particularly clever as much as it’s because it doesn’t make much sense.

Basically, Sharon Stone plays a woman named Angela Anderson. She is oddly obsessed with scissors and terrified about getting close to anyone. She’s been getting hypnotherapy from Dr. Carter (Ronny Cox) in an effort to understand why she’s so repressed but she doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere. This could possibly have something to do with the fact that Dr. Carter is continually distracted by the adulterous activities of his wife, Ann (Michelle Phillips).

Angela lives in a lonely but surprisingly big apartment with only her cat for company. Her cat is named Midnight and he’s a black cat so he automatically became my favorite character in the film. Living next door to her are two twin brothers. Alex (Steve Railsback) is a soap opera star. Cole (Railsback, again) is an artist in a wheelchair who continually paints cartoonish pictures of Angela being attacked by a man with a big red beard.

Then, one day, Angela goes out to buy some scissors. When she returns and gets on the elevator to head back up to her apartment, she’s attacked by a man …. A MAN WITH A RED BEARD! Fortunately, Angela is able to stab him with her scissors. After the man with the red beard runs off, Angela is discovered in the elevator by Alex and Cole. Alex and Angela fall in love. Cole’s not too happy about that.

Following so far?

Angela get a call about a job interview, one that requires her to go to a stranger’s apartment. Despite the fact that the film has spent nearly an hour setting up Angela as being intensely agoraphobic, she has no problem going to this apartment. However, once she enters the apartment, she finds herself locked in! She also discovers that the red-bearded man is also in the apartment. Fortunately, he’s dead. Unfortunately, it appears that he was killed by Angela’s scissors. There’s also a raven in the apartment. The raven continually taunts Angela, saying, “You killed him!” Let’s just be happy that Edgar Allan Poe wasn’t around to see this.

Trapped in the apartment, Angela has flashbacks to her past. Is Angela the murderer? Is all of this just happening in her mind? Or is someone trying to drive her over the edge?

Though Scissors is set up as a psychological horror film, it’s really more of an extended acting exercise for Sharon Stone. Stone wanders around the apartment. She talks to herself. She had a nervous breakdown or two. She discusses life with a puppet. Every single scene seems to be designed to make audiences go, “Wow, she really can act!” but, despite all of the histrionics on display, Angela is still a very one note character. By making her obviously unstable from the start, the film doesn’t really leave the character with much room to develop or take us by surprise. The film attempts to end on a bit of an ambiguous note as far as Angela’s character is concerned but that type of ambiguity has to be earned. There’s nothing to Stone’s performance to indicate that there’s anything about Angela that isn’t totally on the surface. To suggest that there was more to her than originally appeared is to insult the audience’s ability to discern hidden depths.

The film does eventually wrap up its mystery and present a solution of sorts. Unfortunately, it’s a totally unsatisfying solution and one that’s dependent on otherwise intelligent people coming up with a ludicrously overcomplicated scheme to deal with one not particularly complicated problem. It’s all pretty forgettable but at least the cat survives.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.7 “Julie’s Old Flame / The Jinx / The Identical Problem”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Love, exciting and new!

Let it go, it floats back to you!

We all float down here!

Episode 1.7 “Julie’s Old Flame / The Jinx / The Identical Problem”

(Directed by Don Weis, originally aired on November 12th, 1977)

The Love Boat is jinxed!

Or, at least, that’s what the crew assumes when they meet Horace and Henrietta McDonald (played by Ray Bolger and Harriet Nelson).  Horace and Henrietta first met when they were children and they’ve been in love ever since.  In fact, they met each other on a cruise.  Unfortunately, that cruise was the Titanic!

(Remember, when this episode aired, it had been 65 years since the Titanic sank.  So, there were still a few elderly survivors around.)

Anyway, the crew worries that Horace and Henrietta might bring bad luck with them and, before you know it, everyone’s getting injured.  Doc Bricker gets hit by a door and ends up having to wear a bandage on his head.  Gopher trips in the lounge.  Isaac gets whiplash after falling in the pool.  Julie ends up wearing an eye patch.  To be honest, I think the crew is just clumsy.

While the crew is trying not to die, identical twins Ellen and Helen (Diana Canova) are trying to keep the crew from realizing that they’re both on the boat.  (They only bought one ticket.)  One of the twins falls in love with Doc Bricker.  The other can’t stand him.  Bricker being Bricker, he really doesn’t care how the twins feel about him.  He just wants to get laid.  Still, Bricker spend most of the episode very confused and very afraid of the Titanic jinx.

Meanwhile, Julie is shocked when she discovers that Buddy Stanfield (David Hedison) is on the cruise!  Buddy is a wealthy and handsome attorney and he’s also Julie’s former lover.  They had a whirlwind romance in Paris but then Julie discovered that Buddy was married and her heart was broken.  Now, Buddy claims that he’s divorced and Julie starts to fall for him again.  It’s pretty obvious that Buddy is lying but who can blame Julie when he’s played by the classy and suave David Hedison.  Hedison played Felix Leiter in Live and Let Die and License to Kill.  In between dealing with the jinx, the crew tries to proect Julie from Buddy.  Of course, Buddy’s wife eventually shows up but at least Julie has her friends to support her!

Anyway, this was a pretty predictable episode and the plot with the twins was way too silly to believed.  It didn’t help that the twins appeared to be in their early 20s while Doc Bricker is in his 40s at least.  But David Hedison was a perfect cad and Ray Bolger (who, of course, is best-remembered for playing the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz) and Harriet Nelson were an adorable couple.  This episode was nothing special but it was still enjoyable while it lasted.

Horror Scenes I Love: Gnahgi and the Head from Dellamorte Dellamore

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This scene is from the 1994 Italian film, Dellamorte Dellamore.  Gnaghi is upset that a girl upon whom he had a crush has been killed in a terrible bus accident.  But then Gnaghi remembers that the dead come to life when they are buried in the town’s cemetery.

Novel Review: The Overnight by R.L. Stine

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Did you know that Fear Street had a Fear Island?

It’s does.  It’s sitting right in the middle of Fear Lake.  It’s a bit of an isolated place.  For whatever reason, it’s never occurred to anyone to actually make commercial use of Fear Island, even though that seems like the most obvious thing to do.  There are rumors that Fear Island is cursed and overrun with mutants and ghosts….

Unfortunately, even though the majority of the book takes place on Fear Island, there are no mutants or ghosts to be found in The Overnight.  First published in 1990, The Overnight was the third of the Fear Street books and it’s one of those books where nothing supernatural happens!  What a let down!

Instead, it tells the story of what happens when the members of Shadyside High’s Outdoors Club (really?  What a lame club) sneak off and spend some time on Fear Island without adult supervision.  One of the members of the club is approached and then attacked by a strange man who eventually ends up at the bottom of a ravine.  The members of the club leave his body there and return home, determined not to tell anyone.  They’re less concerned with getting accused of murder than they are of their parents finding out that they went on an unsupervised trip.  Soon, the phone calls begin.  “I know what you did,” the voice on the other end rasps.  Next, two of club members are chased by a mysterious car.  Who could it be?

While the members of the Outdoor Club try to figure out who is stalking them, their faculty advisor makes an announcement.  They’re going on an overnight trip and they’ll be camping on …. FEAR ISLAND!

AGCK!

I will admit that I laughed out loud when the club found out that they were returning to Fear Island and that there was no way that they could avoid it.  I think it’s because, by the point I reached that point in the book, I already started to imagine The Overnight as being an episode of Saved By The Bell. 

“We’re going to Fear Island!” Mr. Belding announces.

“TIME OUT!” Zack says, before looking at the audience and saying, “I can’t go back to Fear Island!  They’re going to hack Zack!”

Anyway, as I said before, this book is disappointing in that there are no ghosts or monsters and it’s a bit difficult to really relate to anyone who would want to join something as dorky as the Outdoors Club.  (Shadyside High has a club for everything!)  That said, it’s hard not to be amused by the fact that there’s apparently a Fear Island sitting in the middle of Fear Lake.  Apparently, Fear Island was mentioned in a few other Fear Street books, some of which I do remember reading.  So, I guess I just blocked the island’s existence from my memory.

Anyway, the important thing is that everything work out in the end.  Fear Island?  More like Love Island, right?

Non-Fiction Review: Disaster Movies by Michael Rose and Glenn Kay

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

What’s the only thing scarier than being trapped in a real-life disaster?

Being trapped in a disaster movie!

First published in 2006, the full name of this guide to the disaster genre is Disaster Movies: A Loud, Long, Explosive, Star-Studded Guide to Avalanches, Earthquakes, Floods, Meteors, Sinking Ships, Twisters, Viruses, Killer Bees, and Alien Attacks In The Cinema.  That title tells you pretty much everything you need to know about this affectionate but likably snarky look at all the movies that have been made about earthquakes, fires, torandoes, and …. well, basically all the stuff listed in the title.  

On a movie-by-movie basis, this guide reviews disaster movies that are both well-known and obscure.  All of the big ones — Airport, Towering Inferno, Titanic, Independence Day, Poseidon Adventure — are listed here but, even more importantly, so are the obscure ones.  In fact, the book features a lot of films that you might not have heard about but will probably want to track down after you’ve read about them.  The reviews are respectful to the conventions of the genre while also acknowledging the obvious, i.e., a lot of these are not good films.  But the authors understand that sometimes, a bad disaster film can be even more enjoyable than a good one.  The Poseidon Adventure is a classic of sorts but how about Beyond The Poseidon Adventure?  How about Flood!, a film so exciting that it even has an exclamation mark in the name?  How about Avalanche, the best of the snowy disaster films?  What about Meteor?  If love The Swarm but you can’t appreciate Meteor, I don’t know what to tell you.  

Disaster Movies is a well-written guide.  Most readers will discover the existence of at least one film that they previously knew nothing about.  And, hopefully, they’ll be inspired to watch a few of the film reviewed in this book.  In a disaster, it’s always helpful to be prepared.