Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.14 “Lookalikes/The Winemaker”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

This week, Tattoo goes rogue!

Episode 3.14 “Lookalikes/The Winemaker”

(Dir by Lawrence Dobkin, originally aired on December 22nd, 1979)

“Ah.  So you thought you would handle her teeny, weeny fantasy your teeny weeny yourself,” Roarke says to Tattoo as they watch a nun depart from the plane and step onto Fantasy Island.

On the one hand, after the past few episodes, I guess we should be glad that Roarke is actually talking to Tattoo again.  But, as the comment shows, it’s pretty obvious that Roarke still despises his assistant and Tattoo doesn’t have much respect for Roarke’s authority.

As for the fantasy, it involves Sister Veronica (Celeste Holm), a wine-making nun who wants to enter her wine in the Fantasy Island Wine Tasting Contest and hopefully win enough money to save her orphanage.  At first, Roarke is a bit annoyed that Tattoo promised Sister Veronica a fantasy that Roarke is not sure that he can make come true.  (Of course, after three seasons, we know that Roarke can do just about anything so, to be honest, Roarke’s objection mostly seems to be about having to do anything to help out Tattoo.)  When Roarke tastes Veronica’s wine, he is pleasantly surprised.  It’s quite good, he says.  However, when he and Tattoo taste the wine a second time, they discover that it’s actually quite bad!

At first, Tattoo tries to substitute a different wine for Sister Veronica’s but Roarke catches him and tells him that the integrity of Fantasy Island cannot be compromised.  However, greedy winemaker Armand Fernandel (Ross Martin) decides do to the same thing, switching the label of a bottle of his wine with the label of a bottle of Sister Veronica’s.  As a result, Veronica wins the competition but has the win taken away when the judge (Jonathan Harris) discovers that the labels were switched.  (Armand doesn’t get the win either, having been disqualifies for cheating.)  So, it looks like Veronica’s fantasy is a bust….

….except, amazingly, oil has been discovered on the grounds of the orphanage.  Yay!  Everything works out and Tattoo is able to keep his promise to Sister Veronica.

As for the other fantasy, it features Ken Berry as Harry Simpson, an Idaho salesman who is convinced he has an exact double and who wants to live the double’s life for a weekend.  It’s an oddly specific fantasy but somehow, Roarke pulls it off.  (But if Roarke could find Harry’s double and allow Harry to live the double’s life, why couldn’t he fix a wine tasting competition?)  It turns out that Harry’s double is a high-living gambler.  Harry is excited to live his life until he discovers that his double is in trouble with a gangster (Michael V. Gazzo) and that he owes all of his gambling success to a 12 year-old card reader named Jimmy (Johnny Timko).  In order to adopt Jimmy and give him a normal childhood, Harry has to win a game of blackjack on his own.  Once again, it’s time to head down to the Fantasy Island casino!  Mr. Roarke, of course, will not allow Jimmy to help Harry because the casino has a strict 18 and over age requirement.  It’s strange how sometimes, Mr. Roarke is in charge of the casino and how other times, Roarke claims to have absolutely no power over the casino.  Personally, I suspect the casino is a money laundering scheme.

This was an enjoyably silly episode, featuring guest stars who appeared to be having a good time.  Celeste Holm is convincingly saintly as Sister Veronica while Ross Martin is enjoyably cartoonish as the greedy Armand.  Ken Berry is so totally cast against type as a gambler that it actually kind of works.  This episode managed to strike a balance between over-the-top silliness and melodrama and, as such, it was an entertaining weekend on the Island.

Here’s The Trailer For Totally Killer


Here’s the trailer for Totally Killer, the latest Blumhouse horror film to go straight to Prime.  The premise looks intriguing but it’s also true that Blumhouse always seems to send their weakest stuff straight to Prime.

That said, Lochlyn Munro’s in it!

Here’s The Trailer For Mike Flanagan’s The Fall Of The House of Usher


With October approaching, it’s time for yet another Mike Flanagan-directed horror miniseries to premiere on Netflix.  This year, he’s bringing us what appears to be an updated version of The Fall of the House of Usher.  Here’s the trailer.  The series itself is scheduled to be released on October 12th!

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.1 “Brother’s Keeper: Part One”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Legend has it that Miami Vice was originally pitched as being “MTV Cops.”  That may or may not be true but what is known is that it was a show that, for many people, continues to epitomize the 80s.  Its cynical and frequently surrealistic portrait of life in Miami continues to be influential to this day.  With Florida currently being at the center of so many discussions, it just seemed like a natural pick for Retro Television Reviews.

(Up until a few days ago, the mayor of Miami was running for President and two other Florida residents are currently the front runners for one party’s presidential nomination.  As I sit here writing this, national politics are often described as Florida vs California.  Even more than in the past, America revolves around Florida.)

Though Miami Vice is often describe as being a Michael Mann production, the show itself was actually created by Anthony Yerkovich, who felt that Miami in the 80s had become the American equivalent of Casablanca during World War II.  Mann served as executive producer and he played a big role in creating the show’s trademark visual style.  And, of course, the theme song was provided by Jan Hammer:

Episode 1.1 “Brother’s Keeper, Part One”

(Dir by Thomas Carter, originally aired on September 16th, 1984)

Though the show is considered, to this day, to be the epitome of the Southern Florida aesthetic, Miami Vice actually begins in New York City.

On a dark and wet New York Street, a detective named Tubbs (Philip Michael Thomas) sits in his car.  When a group of young men approach the car and demand that Tubbs give them some money, Tubb responds by coolly pointing a shotgun at them.  The men take the message and leave.

Tubbs is staking out a Colombian drug dealer named Calderone (Miguel Pinero).  Tubbs follows Calderone and his associates to a club, the type of place where even the neon lighting seem to be shadowy.  When Tubbs gets into a fight with some of Calderone’s bodyguards, Calderone flees into the dark night.

The action moves to Miami, which is as bright and sunny as New York was cold and dark.  Undercover vice cop Sonny Crockett (Don Johnson), wearing a white suit and a green t-shirt, gives advice to his partner, Eddie Rivera (a young and charismatic Jimmy Smits, making his television debut).  Eddie talks about how his wife is nervous about him being a cop.  Sonny tells Eddie to call her after they get finished dealing with a local drug dealer named Corky.

Corky knows Crockett as “Sonny Burnett” and he believes Eddie is a buyer from California.  When Corky arrives, they drive out to an underpass.  Corky and Eddie walk over to another car to check out Corky’s product.  Sonny spots the bomb that’s been taped under car’s hood but he’s too late to keep it from blowing up both Corky and Eddie.

When Lt. Rodriguez (Gregory Sierra) arrives on the scene, he’s not amused to discover two of his detectives — Stan Switek (Michael Talbott) and Larry Zito (John Diehl) — joking about how the police dogs are going to get hooked on all of the cocaine residue.  However, he’s even more annoyed with Sonny, who is quickly established as being the type of cop who does not “do it by the book!”  Rodriguez also says that Sonny hasn’t changed since his “football days.”  Sonny says that Eddie was killed by a mysterious dealer known as The Colombian.  Rodriguez replies that Sonny can’t even prove that the Colombian exists.  Rodriguez is particularly angered when Sonny says that there must be a mole working in the department.

While Sonny tells Eddie’s wife the bad news and then heads over to his son’s birthday party (it’s established that Sonny is divorced), Tubbs lands in Miami.  Hanging out at a strip club and doing an elaborate dance to Rockwell’s Somebody’s Watching Me, Tubbs is approached by a man named Scott Wheeler (Bill Smitrovich).  Pretending to be a Jamaican named Teddy Prentiss, Tubbs arranges to meet a drug dealer that Wheeler claims to know.

What Tubbs doesn’t know is that Wheeler is an undercover DEA agent and that he’s also Sonny Crockett’s former partner.  Sonny is the “dealer.”  That night, Sonny and a real-life drug dealer, Leon (Mykelti Williamson) show up at the meeting with Wheeler and “Teddy.”  Unfortunately, Zito and Switek show up earlier than expected and they end up arresting everyone before Leon can lead Sonny to the Colombian.  Tubbs makes a run for it, jumps into the boat that Sonny drove to the meeting, and speeds away.  Sonny jumps into his own car and chases the boat while the Miami Vice theme song plays in the background.  (Trust me, it’s a supercool scene.)

Finally confronting Tubbs on a bridge, Sonny reveals that he’s a detective.  Tubbs produces his own badge and introduces himself as Raphael Tubbs of the NYPD.  He explains that he’s in Miami because he’s after a Colombian drug dealer named Calderone.  Sonny explains that he’s too busy searching for the Colombian to worry about Tubbs’s search.  Finally, Lt. Rodriguez shows up and helps them to understand that they’re both looking for the same guy.  Rodriguez suggests that they work together but Sonny refuses.

The next morning, Tubbs tracks Sonny down on the houseboat on which he lives.  It’s a tense meeting, with Sonny punching Tubbs for suggesting that he wasn’t a good enough cop to save Eddie’s life.  Sonny apologizes afterwards and Tubbs accepts the apology and then punches Sonny so that they’ll be even.  Sonny then introduces Tubbs to his pet alligator, Elvis.  It’s male-bonding, 80s style!

Sonny and Scott head over to the courthouse so that they can be “arraigned,” along with Leon.  I really liked the performance of Howard Bergman, who played the eccentric judge, Clarence Rupp.  At one point, the lights went out in the courtroom and when they came back, everyone from the judge to the bailiffs to the court reporter had drawn a gun.  After mentioning his appreciation of the second amendment, Judge Rupp announces that Leon is free to go without bail because he’s cooperating with the police.  A panicked Leon yells that he’s not cooperating.

Later, a fearful Leon calls Rodriguez and offers to cooperate in return for protective custody.  Leon is hiding out at the beach, where Tubbs is keeping an eye on him.  When Sonny arrives, he’s not amused to see Tubbs there.  Meanwhile, a hitman who has disguised himself as a woman shoots and kills Leon while Girls Just Want To Have Fun plays on the soundtrack.

And so ends part one of Brother’s Keeper.  And you know what?  Even after all this time, it’s still easy to see why Miami Vice took off and why it continue to inspire a slew of imitators.  The pilot was genuinely exciting, with the perfect mix of music, visuals, and charismatic performances.  Jimmy Smits broke my heart in his tiny role.  Mykelti Williamson made Leon into an almost sympathetic character as he realized that the cops were willing to sacrifice him to get at his boss.  From the start, Don Johnson’s gruff performance as Sonny feels like a perfect match for Philip Michael Thomas’s more earnest portrayal of Tubbs.  If Sonny is a cynic, Tubbs seems to feel that he can make a difference by taking down men like Calderone. We’ll have to see how long that lasts.

Next week, we’ll finish up the pilot with part two of Brother’s Keeper!

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us For Burning Vengeance and Play Misty For Me!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasionally Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We snark our way through it.

Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be 1989’s Burning Vengeance!  Selected and hosted by Bunny Hero, this movie has the word “burning” right in the title!  So, you know it has to be good!

Following #MondayActionMovie, Brad and Sierra will be hosting the #MondayMuggers live tweet.  We will be watching 1971’s Play Misty For Me, starring and directed by Clint Eastwood!  The film is on Prime!

It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up Burning Vengeance on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag!  Then, at 10 pm et, switch over to Twitter and Prime, start Play Misty For Me, and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag!  The live tweet community is a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.   

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Brian De Palma Edition


4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today is the birthday of Brian De Palma and that means that it is time for….

4 Shots From 4 Brian De Palma Films

Carrie (1976, dir by Brian De Palma, DP: Mario Tosi)

Dressed to Kill (1980, dir by Brian De Palma, DP: Ralf D. Bode)

Blow Out (1981, dir by Brian De Palma, DP: Vilmos Zsigmond)

Scarface (1983, dir by Brian De Palma, DP: John A. Alonzo)

Lisa Marie’s Week In Review: 9/4/23 — 9/10/23


Jeff and I have been up at Lake Texoma since Labor Day.  The weather has been warm but nice.  The lake is beautiful.  This upcoming week, we’re supposed to be getting storms, which will provide just the right atmosphere for watching and writing up review for the horror films that we’ll be featuring during the annual October horrorthon!

Here’s what I watched, read, and listened to this week:

Films I Watched:

  1. American Ninja 4 (1991)
  2. The Astronaut (1972)
  3. At Close Range (1986)
  4. The Bird With The Crystal Plumage (1970)
  5. Double Nickels (1977)
  6. My Dad’s On Death Row (2016)

Television Shows I Watched:

  1. Big Brother 25
  2. Dr. Phil
  3. Fantasy Island
  4. The Love Boat
  5. Night Flight
  6. South Central
  7. Steve Wilkos Show
  8. T and T
  9. Welcome Back Kotter
  10. Yes, Prime Minister

Books I Read:

  1. The Housemaid’s Secret (2023) by Freida McFadden

Music To Which I Have Listened:

  1. Big Data
  2. Bjork
  3. Britney Spears
  4. The Chemical Brothers
  5. Coldplay
  6. Dillon Francis
  7. Dire Straits
  8. DJ Snake
  9. Jennifer Lopez
  10. Kid Rock
  11. Lynard Skynard
  12. Muse
  13. Saint Motel
  14. Selena Gomez
  15. Skrillex
  16. Smash Mouth
  17. Tomoyasu Hotei

Trailers:

  1. 6 Trailers For Labor Day
  2. Godzilla Minus One
  3. Dangerous Waters
  4. Creepy Crawly
  5. Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget
  6. The Exorcist: Believer 
  7. No One Will Save You
  8. The Bikeriders
  9. Pain Hustlers
  10. In The Land of Saints and Sinners
  11. Thanksgiving
  12. The Burial
  13. One Life
  14. Nyad

Live Tweets:

  1. Double Nickels
  2. At Close Range
  3. American Ninja 4
  4. The Bird With The Crystal Plumage

News From Last Week:

  1. Smash Mouth’s Steve Harwell Dies At 56
  2. Danny Masterson sentenced to 30 years to life for two rapes
  3. Danny Masterson’s ex-stepdad accuses siblings of lying about upbringing to help rapist ‘That ’70s Show’ star
  4. Ashton Kutcher, Mila Kunis address ‘pain’ caused by Danny Masterson letters: ‘We support victims’
  5. Leah Remini speaks out against Church of Scientology after Danny Masterson rape sentencing: ‘I am relieved’
  6. ‘Poor Things’ Takes Top Prize at Venice Film Festival

Links From Last Week:

  1. Have You Heard Of The Secret Village Of Guarene Italy? A Castle Stay And Barbaresco Too!
  2. Tater’s Week in Review 9/8/23
  3. Happy Caturday! (9.9.2023)

Links From The Site:

  1. I reviewed The Astronaut, Backtrack, The Old Way, Enemies Among Us, 88, Office Space, Creed II, Creed III, The Toxic Avenger, Back To The Drive-In, Big George Foreman, Hired!, The Chemical Brothers At Glastonbury, and Abducted By My Teacher!
  2. I reviewed Hang Time, Fantasy Island, The Love Boat, South Central, T and T, and Welcome Back, Kotter!
  3. I shared my week in television!
  4. I shared an AMV of the Day!
  5. I shared scenes from The Day The Earth Stood Still, Happy Gilmore, Deep Red, Aguirre The Wrath of God, and The Caine Mutiny!
  6. I paid tribute to Fred Olen Ray, Elia Kazan, Werner Herzog,  and Edward Dmytryk!
  7. Jeff shared music videos from The Cars, Aerosmith, Green Jelly, The Pretenders, Slaughter, Smash Mouth, and Van Halen!
  8. Erin shared Ace Sports, Adventure, Exciting Love, Picture News, Inside Detective, Whisper, and Amazing Stories!
  9. Erin shared the covers of Gold Key’s Star Trek, Future Science Fiction, and Labor Day Pulp Covers!
  10. Erin offered up a Rangers update!
  11. Leonard shared the trailer for Thanksgiving!

More From Us:

  1. At her photography site, Erin shared Salute, The Corner, Lights In The Night, Be Prepared To Stop, Somebody Was Enjoying The Sunny Weather, Campus, and Road Work Ahead!
  2. At my music site, I shared songs from Skrillex, The Chemical Brothers,  Jennifer Lopez, Selena Gomez, Bjork, Smash Mouth, and Dire Straits!
  3. At Reality TV Chat Blog, I wrote about Big Brother!

Want to check out last week?  Click here!

Retro Television Review: The Astronaut (dir by Robert Michael Lewis)


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1972’s The Astronaut!  It  can be viewed on YouTube!

NASA has successfully landed a man on Mars!  The entire world watches as Col. Brice Randolph (Monte Markham) makes his way across the Martian surface.  However, suddenly, the signal goes out.  Viewers are assured that this is the sort of thing that happens all the time with interstellar travel.  What they don’t know is that the signal went down because Brice suddenly died.  While the surviving members of the mission return to Earth, NASA tries to figure out how to keep anyone from finding out what happened to Brice.  NASA director Kurt Anderson (Jackie Cooper) knows that the President wants to cut the budget and the death of an astronaut would probably provide the perfect excuse for taking money away from NASA and canceling the Mars program.

Anderson’s solution is to recruit a substitute.  Eddie Reese (Monte Markham) has a slight resemblance to Brice, one that can be perfected through plastic surgery.  While the mission returns from Mars, Eddie goes through a crash course to teach him how to talk, walk, and think like Col. Brice Randolph.  Eddie is told that he’ll have to be Brice until the NASA scientists can figure out what led to Brice’s death.  Once they do know what went wrong with the mission, Eddie will have to go into NASA’s version of the witness protection.

Eddie proves to be a quick learner and it helps that he, like so many others, looked up to Brice.  However, while Eddie can fool almost everyone else, he cannot fool Brice’s wife, Gail (Susan Clark).  When Eddie actually treats Gail with kindness and shows sympathy for her nervous condition, she realizes that there’s no way that Eddie is actually her husband.  Apparently, Brice was not quite the saintly figure that the public believed him to be.  Eddie and Gail soon fall in love for real but when NASA finally discovers what led to Brice’s death, it looks like their new life together might be over as abruptly as it begun.

The Astronaut is a low-key conspiracy …. well, I hesitate to call it a thriller.  There’s little of the things that one typically associated with a conspiracy thriller.  There’s no black helicopters.  There’s no shadowy assassins.  There’s no army of men walking around in black suits.  Instead, there’s just a bunch of nervous bureaucrats who are desperate to keep the rest of the world from discovering just how much they screwed up.  As played by Jackie Cooper, the head of NASA isn’t so much evil as he’s just way too devoted-to-his-job for his own good.  In many ways, this is probably one of the most realistic conspiracies ever portrayed on film.

In the end, The Astronaut is a portrait of two lonely people who find love in the strangest of circumstances.  Susan Clark and Monte Markham make for a likable couple and the viewer really does hope that things will work out for them.  What this film lack in conspiracy thrills, it makes up for in human drama.  It appealed to both my romantic and my rabid anti-government sides.  What more could one ask?