Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, season 2 begins!

Episode 2.1 “Career Day”

(Dir by Bill Hobin, originally aired on September 23rd, 1976)

The 2nd season begins with Gabe telling Julie a joke about the time that his aunt went to a pet store and complained that the turtle she had bought had blisters on the bottom of its feet.  Apparently, there was a kid who thought that the turtles were toy trucks.  Julie gets angry over the punchline and storms out of …. the principal’s office?  Why was Gabe telling Julie a joke in the principal’s office?

It’s career day at Buchanan High!  A radio DJ comes by the class and talks about the joys of being on the radio.  He tells Horshack that there’s no way that he could ever be a successful radio DJ.  After the DJ leaves, Epstein points out that everyone they’ve seen for career day makes more money than their teacher.  As if on cue, Mr. Woodman enters the room with a special guest …. hey, it’s Pat Morita!

Pat Morita explains that he is Taro Takahashi and that he is an inventor.  Among his inventions is “transistorized underwear,” which the Sweathogs think is a crazy idea.  Takahashi gets offended and leaves.  Gabe and the Sweathogs follow Takahashi to Woodman’s office.

“My class has something to say to Mr. Takahashi,” Gabe says.

“What?” Barbarino asks.

Eventually, all of the Sweathogs realize that Gabe expects them to apologize and, somewhat reluctantly, they do so.  Epstein apologizes for not being a good student but he points out that teachers don’t make much money.  Takahashi asks how much money teachers make.  Woodman whispers the amount to Takahashi.  Takahashi whispers it to the Sweathogs.  Everyone has a good laugh, except for Gabe.

Takahashi is impressed by Gabe’s determination and offers him a job in Chicago and offers to pay him twice his current salary.

“I don’t think you understand how dedicated Mr. Kotter is to his students.” Horshack says.

“SHUT UP, HORSHACK!” Gabe replies.

Mr. Woodman announces that he’ll take the job and work for less than Kotter.

Takahashi says that he’ll be in New York for a week and he will be awaiting Gabe’s answer.

Gabe goes back to his apartment and tells Julie about the job.  Julie tells Gabe that he should take the job so that they can get a two-room apartment and a second pair of shoes.  She makes a good argument.  Takahashi then shows up at the apartment, looking for an answer.  And then Woodman shows up, wearing a kimono and still trying to get Takahashi to hire him.  “I could learn to love raw fish!”  Somewhat disturbingly Takahashi says that the biggest mistake he ever made was picking up a hitchhiker who looked a lot like Woodman.

The next day, Takahashi accompanies Gabe to school.  At the classroom, the Sweathogs dress up in white karate outfits, bang a gong, and speak in exaggerated accents that I think are meant to sound Japanese and …. uhm, yeah, this episode is getting REALLY cringey.

Fortunately, Takahashi then spends about two minutes calling out everyone on the show for being insensitive, stupid, and crazy and Pat Morita totally kills it, perfectly capturing Takahashi’s growing annoyance with Buchanan High’s students and staff.  (If you watch the scene carefully, you can catch both Gabe Kaplan and John Sylvester White breaking character and laughing in the background.)  Takahashi’s Horshack imitation is peerless.

Gabe gives a speech about how much he enjoys being a teacher and why he could never give up his current job.  Takahashi respects his decision and leaves so that Pat Morita can star in a short-lived spinoff called Mr. T and Tina.  However, Takashi does return briefly at the end of the episode so Gabe can tell him about “Uncle Max and his friend” who used to enjoy discussing global politics as their local Chinese restaurant.

This episode suffered because it was obviously a pilot for another show.  It felt off because the Sweathogs were largely sidelined by Mr. Takahashi.  That said, Pat Morita was funny and Mr. Woodman’s gradual descent into madness continued to be entertaining to watch.  It wasn’t an ideal season opener and a lot of the humor hasn’t aged well but, as is so often with this show, the chemistry of the cast turned out to be the episode’s saving grace.

Episode 2.2 “Inherit The Halibut”

(Dir by Bill Hobin, originally aired on September 30th, 1976)

Gabe asks Julie if he’s ever told her about his Aunt Esther “who was a matron in a movie house.”  Julie politely listens as Gabe tells the story of a moviegoer who fell from the balcony to the floor.

At school, the Sweathogs check the big plastic halibut in which class treasurer Freddie has been keeping the class fund and they are shocked to discover that the halibut is empty!  Everyone accuses Freddie of taking the money.

“You’re calling me a thief!?” Freddie says.

“No,” Horshack says, “an embezzler.”

It’s mock trail time!  Gabe agrees to act as Freddie’s defense attorney.  Horshack puts on a suit and plays prosecutor.  Epstein serves as bailiff.  Barbarino throws on a bathrobe and serves as the judge.  The other Sweathogs are the jury.

Speaking in a bad Southern accent and carrying a paper fan, Gabe announces that “when you walk through the pasture of evidence, you’re bound to step in some facts.”

Horshack calls a witness who reveals that Washington bought a new bicycle at a police auction.  He paid eight dollars, the same amount as what was in the halibut.  Gabe points out that no one asked Washington from where he got the eight dollars.  Mr. Woodman is sworn in as a surprise witness and says Washington did it.

“Objection!” shouts Gabe, “This witness is hostile!”

“Thank you, Kotter,” Woodman replies, “I’m glad we’re starting to communicate.”

Woodman goes on to reveal that he saw Washington counting money outside of the school.  (“I checked my wallet,” Woodman says.)  Gabe claims that Woodman is too bitter to be a credible witness.  Woodman announces that Gabe’s students will be spending a lot of time in the court in the future and runs out of the room, laughing maniacally.

Gabe only has one witness.  He calls Freddie to stand and asks him if he took the money.  Freddie refuses to answer questions from either Gabe or Horshack.  While Horshack dramatically asks his questions, he accidentally breaks open the halibut and several coins and dollars fall out of it.

“There’s a lot more than eight dollars here!” Gabe declares.  In fact, there’s $32 in the fish!

Horshack suggests a plea bargain — “Let’s pardon Washington and split the money 50/50.”

Instead, Gabe calls Horshack to the stand.  Horshack says that he’ll never snap before admitting to putting $8 in the fish to try to clear Freddie’s name.  Epstein is called to the stand and admits that he also put $8 in the fish.  Barbarino, as judge, then interrogates himself and bullies himself into admitting that he contributed $8 of his own to the fish.  The other Sweathogs then announce that they also put $8 in the fish.

Gabe says that they still need to determine whether Freddie stole the money.  The jury takes a second to convict Freddie.  Freddie finally reveals that he did take the $8 but just so he could put it in the bank.  Freddie reveals that he kept quiet because he was offended at everyone assuming that he stole the money.  Still, Freddie realizes how the money’s disappearance looked to the class, so he forgives everyone and takes the $32 to the bank.

At the apartment, Gabe tells Julie to guess what he’s hiding in his hands.

Gabe explains that he’s hiding an elephant and Julie smacks him.

I liked this episode, largely because it gave Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, who felt a bit underused during the first season, a chance to take center stage.  I also respected Freddie’s refusal to answer a question that he shouldn’t have been asked in the first place.  Good for you, Freddie!