Dutch Treat”

Posted on July 22, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, we have a two-hour episode of The Love Boat!

Episodes 8.2 and 8.3 “Vicki and the Fugitive/Lady in the Window/Stolen Years/Dutch Treat”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on September 29th, 1984)

This week, the crew is assigned to a European cruise! Aboard the Royal Viking Sky, the crew and their passengers sail from England to the Netherlands and back again. This is one of those episodes that was shot on location and, as always, the scenery is lovely.

The stories on the other hand….

Vicki falls for a deckhand named Peter (Patrick Cassidy). In fact, Vicki even finds herself falling in love with him. (In this episode, it’s established that Vicki is now 17. Is she old enough now to actually get paid a salary for all the work she does on the boat?) However, Peter is actually Anton, a young man who is being pursued by Interpol. The show spends a lot of time trying to make it appear as if Antono is a criminal of some sort. Actually, he’s just a royal prince who ran off because he wasn’t ready to accept his official duties. Vicki is happy to discover that Anton isn’t a criminal but unhappy that he now has to stay behind and rule a kingdom in Europe.

Captain Stubing probably could have helped Vicki during all of this but he was too busy pursing a romance with Inga Van Damme (Elke Sommer), a mysterious passenger who, much like Anton, appeared to be keeping a secret from her romantic partner. Telling Stubing that she couldn’t be with him, Inga left the ship early. Stubing wandered all over Amsterdam, searching for her. And he discovered her …. working as a madam. “It is legal here,” Inga explains. “But is it morally right?” Stubing replies.

Speaking of being morally right, Dr. Foster (Pat Harrington, Jr.) finds himself on the boat with both his wife (Eileen Brennan) and his mistress (Teri Copley)! Wow, how many times can the exact same thing happen on the Love Boat? As always with this show, the husband went back to his wife but, fortunately, his mistress met someone while leaving the boat. “Can I help you with your bags?” the charming stranger asks. “Are you married?” the former mistress replies.

Finally, Danish Lisa Anderson (Cloris Leachman) meets Erik Larsen (George Kennedy), another Dane, on the boat. (George Kennedy speaks with his normal American accent.) Erik falls in love with Lisa (Hey! That’s my name!) but Lisa is haunted by memories of her former lover (Tim Robbins) being dragged away by the Nazis during World War II. At first, it seems that Lisa is too haunted by what happened to move on. However, it is eventually revealed that her former lover is Erik Larsen! Somehow, Tim Robbins grew up to be George Kennedy. In her memories, it appears that Lisa betrayed Erik but actually, by pointing him out to the Nazis, she bought him time. While everyone else in the town square was being executed, Erik was being interrogated and, because of this, he was still alive when the Americans returned.

So, here’s the problem. Cloris Leachman, not surprisingly, gives a great performance as Lisa. And George Kennedy, once you get over the idea that he’s supposed to be Danish, gives a pretty good performance as Erik. But flashbacks of Nazi atrocities feel very much out-of-place when mixed in with scenes of Vicki dating a prince and the doctor trying to balance being on a cruise with both his wife and his mistress. Tonally, this episode is all over the place.

That said, the scenery’s lovely (am I repeating myself) and Ted McGinley fit in nicely with the rest of the crew. Pat Klous isn’t bad as Judy but, at least at this point in the season, she doesn’t have the same sort of brother/sister chemistry that Lauren Tewes had with Fred Grandy and Bernie Kopell. McGinley, of course, had the advantage that, while he was new, he still wasn’t replacing anyone. Poor Pat Klous still has to escape from the shadow of the former cruise director.

Beavis and Butt-Head Do America (1996, directed by Mike Judge)

Posted on March 19, 2026 by Jedadiah Leland

While having a dream about being a giant who can destroy a city and almost score, Butt-Head is woken up by his friend Beavis. Beavis points out that their TV has disappeared. Muddy footprints lead away from the television’s former location and out the front door. Anyone who is familiar with MTV’s Beavis and Butt-Head will immediately realize that this is a crisis. Animated and voiced by Mike Judge, the moronic teenage duo of Beavis and Butt-Head really don’t have anything in their lives beyond television and heavy metal. Beavis and Butt-Head set off to find their television, a quest that will see them traveling all the way from Highland, Texas to Las Vegas and eventually Washington D.C. Along the way, they’ll be pursued by ATF Agent Fleming (Robert Stack), they’ll get hired by alcoholic Muddy Grimes (Bruce Willis) to kill his wife, Dallas (Demi Moore), and Dallas will set them up as the perfect patsies for a terrorist attack on Washington D.C. Chelsea Clinton will beat up Butt-Head. President Clinton will declares the boys to be heroes. They’ll even meet their fathers, though everyone involved will be too dumb to realize it. But will Beavis and Butt-Head ever find their TV?

Beavis and Butt-Head Do America was the first movie to star Beavis and Butt-Head and I can still remember when it first came out in 1996. No one expected much from it but it turned out to be one of the funniest movies of the year, a triumph of animation, social satire, and jokes about wood. A lot of the film’s humor comes from just how stupid Beavis and Butt-Head are but even more of the humor comes from everyone’s inability to understand just how stupid they are. Agent Fleming may think he’s saving America but he’s actually just chasing two teenagers who don’t even know how to read their own names. Muddy may think that he’s hired two experienced hitmen to “do” his wife but instead, he’s promised to pay two idiots to do his wife. (With the money, “we could buy a TV,” Butt-Head tells Beavis.) Everyone, from Fleming to Muddy Grimes, assumes that there must be some sort of grand scheme behind Beavis and Butt-Head’s journey across America. There isn’t. They just want to find a television.

Beavis and Butt-Head were and still are two wonderfully comedic creations. Watching them, I’m always surprised to remember that Mike Judge provided both of their voices. When they argue with each other about where their TV has gone or if it’s a good idea to jump out of a speeding car, Judge is arguing with himself. Butt-Head may be the leader but the heart of the duo is definitely Beavis and maybe Cornholio. The non-stop laughing, the inability to read, the obsessively crude humor, Beavis and Butt-Head were the future and they didn’t even realize it. Voicing the boys and their neighbor Mr. Anderson, Mike Judge generates most of the laughs in the movie but he still gets first-class help from Bruce Willis, Demi Moore, and especially Robert Stack.

Beavis and Butt-Head Do America was considered to be a surprise commercial and critical success but the only people who were really surprised were those who hadn’t previously experienced Mike Judge’s sense of humor and satirical viewpoint. Beavis and Butt-Head Do America is smart comedy about some very dumb people.

October True Crime: In Broad Daylight (dir by James Steven Sadwith)

Posted on October 7, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On July 10th, 1981, Kenneth Rex McElroy was gunned down in Skidmore, Oklahoma. He was shot while sitting in his truck. Over 40 bullets were fired into the truck but only two actually hit McElroy. His fourth wife, Trena (who Kenneth first met when she was 12 and he was 35), was sitting beside him at the time but was not hit by any bullets. McElroy was 47 years old when he was gunned down in broad daylight. There were reportedly 46 witnesses who saw the shooting occurred. When interrogated by the police, not a single one said that they saw anything. Quite a few did mention that Ken McElroy had gotten exactly what he deserved.

Ken McElroy was a high dropout, a barely literate career criminal who rustled cattle, burned down houses, raped his fourth wife when she was just 12, and then killed her family’s dogs in order to intimidate them into not pressing charges against him. He was known as the town bully, a surly man who had 17 children with 6 different women and who would shoot anyone who disagreed with him. Whenever he was charged with a crime, he would intimidate the witnesses into not testifying against him. In 1980. he got angry at a store owner after one of his kids was accused of shoplifting candy. McElroy shot the man and was put on trial for attempted murder. For once, he was convicted but he was freed on bail while awaiting appeal. When it become apparent that McElroy would not be going to prison for a while, the citizens of Skidmore….

Well, I should probably chose my words carefully. The truth of the matter is that no one has even been charged with or convicted of killing Ken McElroy. It is known that several citizens did have a meeting a few night before McElroy’s death and that they discussed what they could best do to keep McElroy from hurting anyone else. It’s also knoqn that, a week before he was shot, McElroy walked into the local bar with his rifle and dared anyone who wanted him dead to come get him. Does that mean that a group of concerned citizens took it upon themselves to dispense vigilante justice? That’s what Trena always claimed but again, no one was every charged, indicted, or convicted. The death of Ken McElroy remains officially unsolved.

Perhaps that’s why the names were changed for the 1991 made-for-television movie In Broad Daylight. Brian Denney may be playing a character named Len Rowan but, for anyone familiar with the case, it’s obvious that he’s playing Ken McElroy just as Marcia Gay Harden is obviously playing Tena McElroy, even if her character is called Adina. The film doesn’t change the name of the town and it doesn’t change the circumstances that led to McElroy’s death. W watch as McElroy intimidates the owners of a grocery store (played by Cloris Leachman and John Anderson) and even attempts to bully the local police (represented here by Chris Cooper). The film features a gun-toting crowd surrounding Len Rowan’s vehicle but it’s shot in such a way that their faces are blurry.

In Broad Daylight was filmed in Texas and it definitely captures both the beauty and the potential danger that comes with living in a rural community. Everyone in town knows everyone else. There’s a strong sense of community but, because the community is so small and isolated, it’s easy for a man like Len Rowan to bully the entire town. Some of the actors lean a bit too hard into their country accents. (Lord protect us from Yankees trying to sound Southern.) But the main members of the supporting cast — Cloris Leachman, John Anderson, Chris Cooper, Marcia Gay Harden — all give convincing performances. As for Brian Dennehy, he’s absolutely horrifying as the astoundingly cruel Len Rowan. Dennehy plays Len as being a man who might not exactly intelligent (the real Ken McElroy dropped out of school early) but who is positively brilliant at intimidating people. Dennehy plays Rowan as if he has a death wish. All of his threats and his speeches make it clear that he’s just daring someone to shoot him. Even when he realizes he’s about to get shot while sitting in his truck, he sit there and accepts the inevitable. Perhaps even he was getting sick of dealing with himself.

After watching In Broad Daylight, it’s easy to understand why no one came forward as a witness. By his own actions, Ken McErloy was destined to die violently. A few people just decided to speed things up a little. Who knows who?

The History of the World, Part I (1981, directed by Mel Brooks)

Posted on June 28, 2025 by Jedadiah Leland

Overlong, wildly uneven, gimmicky too a fault, and often laugh out loud funny with a mix of jokes that range from the crude to the sublimely clever to the surprisingly sentimental, The History of the World, Part I is the ultimate Mel Brooks films.

Narrated by Orson Welles and featuring five historical stories and a collection of coming attractions, The History of the World Part I follows man from his caveman origins to the French Revolution and the thread that ties it all together is that humanity always screws up but still finds a way to survive. Moses (Mel Brooks) might drop and break one of the three tablets listing the 15 Commandments but he’s still able to present the other ten. Stand-up philosopher Comicus (Mel Brooks) might make the mistake of poking fun at the weight of Emperor Nero (Dom DeLuise) but he still makes his escape with Josephus (Gregory Hines), Swiftus (Ron Carey), and Miriam the Vestal Virgin (Mary-Margaret Humes) and ends up serving as the waiter at the Last Supper. (“Jesus!”) The Spanish Inquisition may have been a catastrophe but it also gave Torquemada (Mel Brooks) a chance to show off his performance skills. The French Revolution may have been a bloodbath but the future still held promise. Ask for a miracle and he’ll show up as a white horse named Miracle, no matter what era of history you’re living in.

The humor is very Mel Brooks. During the Roman Empire sequence, Madeline Kahn plays Empress Nympho. Jackie Mason, Harvey Korman, Cloris Leachman, Spike Milligan, Jan Murray, Sammy Shores, Shecky Greene, Sid Caesar, Henny Youngman, and Hugh Hefner all make cameo appearances. Carl Reiner is the voice of God. John Hurt plays Jesus. The film ends with the promise of a sequel that will feature “Jews in Space.” Not every joke lands. The entire caveman sequence feels forced. But when the film works — like during The Inquisition production number — it’s hard not get caught up in its anything-goes style. The entire Roman Empire sequence is probably more historically accurate than the typical Hollywood Roman epic. That’s especially true of Dom DeLuise’s naughty performance as Emperor Nero.

Mel Brooks is 99 years old today and he says that he has at least one more film to give us, a sequel to Spaceballs. I’m looking forward to it! I’m also looking forward to rewatching and enjoying all of the films that he’s already given us. The History of the World, Part I may not have initially enjoyed the critical acclaim of his earlier films but, in all of its anarchistic glory, it’s still pure Mel Brooks.

I CAN ONLY IMAGINE (2018) – a movie that came out at just the right time in my life!

Posted on February 13, 2025 by Bradley Crain

I CAN ONLY IMAGINE (2018) is the story of Bart Millard, the lead singer of the band MercyMe. He also wrote the song of the same name that inspired the movie. I remember when the song was released in 2001 as it immediately became a huge hit. As a person who attended church regularly and listened to contemporary Christian music, I heard it often either on radio or when other people would sing it at church. There was no getting away from the song as it was so popular. I really liked the song, but to be completely honest, it wasn’t especially meaningful to me. I just really liked it as a beautiful song. Fast forward to March of 2018 when the movie came out. 2018 was probably the most difficult year in my life, and I was needing hope. I saw I CAN ONLY IMAGINE at the movie theater, and its message of redemption and reconciliation provided glimmers of hope for me when my life had gotten really dark.

The movie provides us snapshots of Bart’s early life. We see him at church camp where he meets the girl who would go on to be the love of his life, Shannon. We see him as a boy dealing with the fact that his mother has left the family because she was no longer able to deal with the abusive behavior of his dad, Arthur (Dennis Quaid). We also see how that abuse has extended to Bart himself. We see him as a high schooler (actor John Michael Finley) playing football in Greenville, TX, to try to please his dad. When he gets injured playing football and turns to the school’s music program, we see him hide the fact that he got the lead in the school production of “Oklahoma” because he knows his dad will make fun of him. Arthur is the kind of man who never has a nice word to say to his son. When he does find out about Bart performing in the musical, he tells him that it “sounds like a good joke.” It all boils over when the two get into a fight before Bart heads to church one morning, and Arthur smashes a plate over his head. Bart leaves for good, he thinks.

With his love of music and great singing voice, Bart joins a band in need of a singer. Now we get snapshots of this portion of Bart’s life as the band hits the road and performs at different places, trying to sell as many of their homemade records as possible. Through sheer determination, Bart is able to convince Scott Brickell (Trace Adkins) to take over management of the band. After traveling with the group for a while, Brickell believes that they have a shot at making it in Nashville, so he secures the band, now known as “MercyMe,” a showcase in front of a group of top record executives. Unfortunately, the executives aren’t that impressed, with one even going so far as to tell Bart that he’s just not good enough. With those words bringing back all of the doubt that his father had instilled in him, Bart decides to quit the band. Sensing that Bart needs to resolve his family issues, Brickell asks him to take some time for himself. Bart asks the band to give him some time so he can go home for a while, not knowing what might be in store for him.

When Bart returns home, he finds his dad Arthur acting really strange… he’s being nice. He makes his son breakfast and then tells him about a project he’s hoping they can work on together, which is the restoration of his old Jeep. Bart doesn’t know what to make of this and even confronts his dad. Arthur tells him that he has become a Christian and even goes so far as to ask Bart for forgiveness for the way he has treated him in the past. Bart refuses to forgive him and gets in his dad’s truck to leave. While looking for the keys, Bart sees papers in his dad’s truck that reveal a terminal pancreatic cancer diagnosis. Discovering this information allows Bart to soften his heart towards his dad, and he even begins the process of forgiveness. The two men would be inseparable up to the point that Arthur passes away. Bart would say of his dad during this time that “he went from being a monster to the man I wanted to be.” At the funeral, Bart’s grandma (Cloris Leachman), who he called Me Maw, tells Bart, “I can only imagine what your dad’s seeing right now.” Ultimately inspired by his Me Maw’s words, as well as his own journey of grief and healing with his dad, Bart would write the lyrics that would turn into the most-played song in the history of Christian radio as well as the best-selling Christian song of all time (linked just below).

Movies that feature relationships between dads and sons always get to me, and I’m not even sure why that is. My dad and I have always had a great relationship. We were inseparable when I was growing up. My dad was my coach in sports, we always worked together on his projects, and he loved to take us fishing. My dad has always shown unconditional support and love towards me, and he continues to do so to this day. Maybe it’s my appreciation for my dad that leads me to this sort of emotional response when those relationships are presented on screen, but I think it’s even deeper than that. There’s a scene near the end of I CAN ONLY IMAGINE where Arthur shares his conversion experience with his son that always makes me cry like a baby. It seems that same day that he smashed that plate over Bart’s head, Arthur listened to his son sing at church on the radio and decided to turn his life over to God. Watching Arthur admit to his faults and become a man who shows great love and kindness to Bart is a beautiful sight to behold. And watching Bart accept that love and show that forgiveness may even be more beautiful. As a deeply flawed Christian myself, I think that’s why this movie means so much to me. I never tell other people how they should live their lives. In my opinion, each person has their own journey, and their lives will be based on their own decisions and actions. But it’s my personal belief that God is in the business of making things that seem impossible, possible, and He does it all while showing unconditional love and forgiveness. I can honestly say that when I’ve been at my lowest points in my own life (here’s looking at you 2018), it has been the process of turning things over to God that has opened me up both spiritually and emotionally to opportunities for meaningful, life-changing connections with other people. This movie tried to tell me that, and my own life is proving it out.

Check out the trailer below:

Horror On TV: One Step Beyond Episode 1.4 “The Dark Room” (dir by John Newland)

Posted on October 4, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On tonight’s episode of One Step Beyond, Cloris Leachman plays Rita Wallace, an American photographer in France. She’s looking for a model whose face will serve as the ultimate symbol of the country. One day, a haunted-looking man (Marel Dalio) shows up at her apartment. She thinks he’s a model. The truth, needless to say, is something quite different….

This episode features good performances from both Leachman and Dalio. In real life, Dalio was an icon of French cinema and a favorite of Jean Renoir’s. When the Nazis invaded France, the Jewish Dalio fled Paris and, after a harrowing journey, eventually made it to America. In America, he played the croupier in Casablanca and appeared in several other films. Tragically, the rest of his family did not escape and were murdered by the Nazis. Dalio returned to France after the end of the war and remained an in-demand character actor for several more decades, making his final film appearance in 1980.

The Darkroom originally aired on February 10th, 1959.

Retro Television Reviews: Suddenly Single (dir by Jud Taylor)

Posted on January 28, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1971’s Suddenly Single! It can be viewed on YouTube.

Suddenly Single opens with middle-aged Larry Hackett (Hal Holbrook) loading his suitcases into the back of his car. His neighbors (David Huddleston and Pamela Rodgers) come over to say goodbye. Larry has just gotten divorced and, as a result, he’s lost his perfect house in the suburbs. Now, he’s going to have to move into the city and start a new life but he assures his neighbors that he’ll be okay and that there aren’t any hard feelings between him and his ex, Joanne (Cloris Leachman). Sometimes, marriages just don’t work out….

Then Joanne shows up….

With her new husband, Ted (Fred Bier)!

While Larry can only watch, Ted insists on picking up Joanne and carrying her over the threshold of what used to be Larry’s house. As it dawns on him that Joanne was having an affair during the final days of their marriage, Larry is understandably miffed.

Larry just isn’t ready to find himself in the world of the early 70s. He’s an extremely conservative pharmacist who will now have to deal with hippies and the single scene. His co-worker (Harvey Korman) encourages Larry to hit the bars. Marlene (Agnes Moorehead) encourages him to figure out what he wants to do with his life. His new and much younger neighbor, Jackie (Margot Kidder), tells him that he needs to get a gym membership and be more open-minded. At first, Larry pursues a relationship with the classy Evelyn Baxter (Barbara Rush) but then he’s drawn to Jackie. And Jackie, oddly enough, is drawn to him….

Quicker than you can say Breezy, Larry is dating the much younger Jackie and he’s starting to wear hip clothes and hang out with cool, long-haired people. When he runs into his old neighbors on the street, he discovers that he no longer has much in common with them. However, Larry still finds himself becoming jealous and possessive of Jackie, who is not the type of to give up her freedom for a relationship. In the end, Larry is forced to admit that, while he has become more open-minded following his divorce, he still can’t magically change who he is.

Suddenly Single has a great cast and it’s not surprising that it’s a well-acted film. At the same time, Larry can be a bit of a jerk. Evelyn is the nicest person in the entire movie and Larry basically breaks her heart so that he can pursue an obviously doomed relationship with the younger Jackie. It’s a bit sad to watch because everyone but Larry can see what he’s doing. Larry may be wiser by the end of the film but that’s small solace to Evelyn. Suddenly Single is about flawed characters and, as such, it can be easy to get annoyed with Larry and Jackie while also appreciating the fact that, like all of us, they’re just trying to figure out life as they go along.

Suddenly Single acts as a bit of time capsule and watching it is as probably as close as one can get to 1971 without a time machine. It’s a trip to the past with some of the best actors of the era.

Retro Television Reviews: Death Sentence (dir by E.W. Swackhamer)

Posted on August 27, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

There’s been a murder!

A young woman has been strangled in her own home. The nosy neighbor (Hope Summers) testifies that the woman often argued with her woman and that she heard the woman yelling on the night of the murder. The husband, John Healy (Nick Nolte), is found in a neighborhood bar and, when he’s brought back to his house, his drunken reaction to seeing his dead wife doesn’t do much to keep him from looking totally guilty.

However, the viewer knows that John is innocent because the viewer has already seen that the woman was murdered by Don Davies (Laurence Luckinbill), the man with whom she was having an affair. She demanded that he leave his wife for her and Don, realizing that his cheating was about to revealed, responded by strangling her.

Don’s wife is Susan Davies (Cloris Leachman), who knows that she and Don have been going through a rough patch but who certainly had no idea that Don was cheating on her. Shortly after the murder, Susan is called up for jury duty. She’s placed on the jury and told that she will be an important part of a major trial. As a result, she and the other jurors will be sequestered in a hotel….

And who is the defendant in this trial? John, of course!

As opposed to the other members of the jury, who are ready to convict John even before the first bit of testimony is heard, Susan pays attention to what is said in the courtroom. She listens to Lubell (Alan Oppenheimer), the prosecutor. She listens to Tanner (William Schallert), the defense attorney. She comes to believe that John is innocent but will she be able to hold her own against the rest of the jury? And will she ever figure out that the murder was actually committed by her husband?

It’s an intriguing premise, even if it is a bit far-fetched. I mean, it really is an amazing coincidence that Susan just happened to end up on the jury for a case involving a murder that was actually committed by her husband. However, this is a made-for-television movie and, as soon as “Produced by Aaron Spelling” appears on the screen, most viewers should be savvy enough to know what they’re getting into. Instead, the main problem with the film is that it opens by showing us who the murderer is. Therefore, there’s really zero suspense as to who actually committed the crime. Instead, the viewer spends the entire movie waiting for Susan to catch up. Since the majority of the film takes place in court, it’s a very talky film but there’s no joy to be found in paying close attention to every word said and picking up on the details that will allow you to solve the crime for yourself. This is a case where the film spoils its biggest twist and, despite good performances from Leachman and Luckinbill, it’s a bit dull.

(Nick Nolte, for his part, spends most of the movie silently sitting in the courtroom. He’s not bad and his look of anguish is believable but it’s hardly a starring role, regardless of what the film’s video packaging might otherwise claim.)

In the end, what I’ll mostly remember about Death Sentence were the atrocious fashion choices made by the prosecutor. Seriously, would you trust a man wearing this suit?

Retro Television Reviews: Haunts of the Very Rich (dir by Paul Wendkos)

Posted on February 12, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1972’s Haunt of the Very Rich! It can be viewed on YouTube!

The 1972 made-for-TV movie Haunts of the Very Rich opens with a lengthy shot of Lyle (Tony Bill) and Laurie (Donna Mills) sharing a very long kiss. Obviously, they’re very happy and why shouldn’t they be? They’re young. They’re beautiful. They’re in love. They’re newly married. And …. they’re on an airplane!

It’s a private plane, one that’s heading towards a resort called The Portals of Eden. There’s only a few other people on the plane. David Woodrough (Lloyd Bridges) is a businessman who is looking forward to spend some time away from his wife, especially if it means a chance to get to know one of the other passengers, Ellen Blunt (Cloris Leachman). Annette Larner (Anne Francis) is also traveling alone and is hoping she might finally be able to get some sleep without having to take a handful of pills beforehand. Rev. Fellows (Robert Reed) appears to have lost his faith. And then there’s Al Hunsicker (Ed Asner). Hunsicker’s a little bit confused about how he ended up on the airplane. As far as he knows, he’s supposed to be on his way to a business meeting in Dallas. Portals of Eden? Al’s never heard of the place! Of course, nobody on the plane really seems to be sure where they’re going or how they even got on the plane in the first place. Strangely, Al appears to be the only one who finds any of this to be strange.

When the plane lands, they discover that the Portals of Eden is a large hotel sitting at the edge of a tropical wilderness. Their host, the always polite Mr. Seacrist (Moses Gunn), welcomes them but avoids answering anyone’s questions. Seacrist tells them to enjoy their stay.

For the first day, that’s exactly what everyone does. They relax. They indulge in a little pampering. David gets to know Ellen. Al is still worried about getting to his business meeting but he is assured that he can always fly out to Dallas the following day.

The night, a violent storm hits. The next day, everyone wakes up to discover that the resort is nearly deserted. There’s no electricity. There’s no way to call out. There’s not much food. Seacrist tells them not to worry. He assures them that help is on the way. As the guests wait to be rescued, they finally start to wonder just how exactly the ended up at the resort in the first place. They realize that they’ve almost all had a recent brush with death. David swears to Ellen that he’ll file for divorce as soon as they get back home but what if they don’t have a home to which to return? Occasionally, the guests hear a plane flying overhead. At one point, they even see one land. But every time, just when it seems like they’re on the verge of finally being rescued, the plane vanishes.

And things just get stranger from there.

If Jean-Paul Sartre had ended up in the United States, writing for The Bold and the Beautiful, the end result would probably look a lot like Haunts of the Very Rich. Considering that this is a made-for-TV movie from the early 70s, Haunts of the Very Rich is a surprisingly effective and atmospheric little horror film. The story itself won’t exactly win any points for originality. You’ll guess the secret of Portals of Eden long before any of the characters in the film. But still, it’s a well-directed and nicely acted film, one that’s topped off with a suitably surreal (if somewhat abrupt) finale.

Haunts of the Very Rich can currently be found on YouTube and I recommend it for anyone who likes their melodrama served with a side of existential dread.

Retro Television Reviews: Hitchhike! (dir by Gordon Hessler)

Posted on January 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Claire Stevens (Cloris Leachman) is an emotionally vulnerable woman who is dealing with her loneliness and depression by driving to San Francisco to visit her sister. As she’s driving, she spots a young man named Keith (Michael Brandon). Keith is standing on the side of the road and holding out his thumb. At first, Claire does the smart thing and she drives by him without stopping. However, Claire starts to feel guilty so she turns around and — NO, CLAIRE! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!? — offers him a ride. It turns out that he’s going to San Francisco as well!

At first, the drive is awkward. Keith says that he doesn’t want to talk and he doesn’t appreciate it when Claire tries to make him listen to the classical music station. But, as they drive, Keith starts to let down his defenses. He says that he wishes that he could just sail away on the ocean. He encourages Claire to embrace life and to just go for it. They stop at a pier and have lunch. Claire buys Keith a silly white hat and she places it on his head because, as she puts it, “it’s cute.” Keith argues with her but he doesn’t take off the hat. However, when Keith spots some cops, he immediately leads Claire away from them.

The viewer watches all of this with a sense of dread because the viewer knows what Claire doesn’t. The viewer knows that Keith is the son of a wealthy man. The viewer knows that Keith had been having an affair with his stepmother, who was only a few years older than Keith. And the viewer knows that Keith murdered his stepmother with the same weapon that he’s currently carrying in his bag. The police are looking for Keith and Keith is willing to do just about anything to stay free.

I have to admit that I yelled a little when Claire offered Keith a ride because it was such an obviously stupid thing to do. Everyone knows that it’s never a good idea to pick up a hitchhiker. And, if you’re a woman who is driving down an isolated road by yourself, the last thing you should ever do is offer a ride to some strange man standing on the side of the road. Claire’s actions were foolish but, because she was played by Cloris Leachman, it was still hard not to sympathize with her. Claire is someone who feels as if she’s been abandoned by the world and, quite obviously, she sees Keith as a kindred spirit. Over the course of their journey, it becomes obvious that Claire is using Keith as a substitute for what she’s missing in her life. He becomes both a son and a companion to her. Unfortunately, Keith tends to go into a rage whenever he sense anyone getting too close to him.

Hitchhike! is a short movie and, for all the dramatic build-up, it ends on a rather anti-climatic note. Cameron Mitchell shows up as a detective who is looking for Claire and Keith and he gives a mannered performance that is oddly over-the-top by even his generous standards. That said, Michael Brandon has the blandly handsome look of a generic but charming serial killer while Cloris Leachman gives a credible and sympathetic performance as Claire. If nothing else, this film can be watched with The Hitcher as a double feature. Never stop your car for anyone!