Bigfoot’s such an attention hog.

Don’t get me wrong.  Whether we call him a Sasquatch or a Yeti, we all love Bigfoot.  For a few centuries now, people have been spotting him and yet, to the best of my knowledge, he’s never actually attacked anyone.  He seems to have a good attitude towards his place in the world.  There may be multiple Bigfoots (Bigfeet?) or maybe there’s just one extremely old missing link wandering around out there.  But regardless, they seem to be harmless.

That said, there’s been so many movies about Bigfoot that it’s easy to forget that there are other cryptids out there.  Here are 6 paranormal beings who may (or may not) exist and who, in my humble opinion, all deserve to star in a film of their own.

1. The Goatman of Maryland

Who is the Goatman of Maryland?  He used to be a scientist at the Beltsville Agricultural Research Center in Beltstville, Maryland.  He did experiments on goats until, one day, karma intervened and he was transformed into a being that was half-man and half-goat.  Grabbing an axe, the Goatman disappeared into the woods and now haunts the backroads of Beltsville.  He’s been described as being a hermit but he apparently has a strong hatred of the teenagers who foolishly hang out in the woods.  Seriously, how has Goatman not starred in a major film yet?  Get on it, horror filmmakers!  I want to review a Goatman movie next October.

2. Champ

Champ is America’s very own version of Nessie.  It ia said to live in Lake Champlain, a body of water that’s shared by New York, Vermont, and Quebec.  Since at least 1819, people have wrote about spotting a giant sea serpent swimming around Lake Champlain.  In 1873, the famous showman P.T. Barnum offered a monetary reward to anyone who could capture Champ and bring the creature to me.  To me, that’s the plot of your movie right there.  Get on it, all of you aspiring screenwriters!  Champ needs a film worthy of a champion.

3, Ludwig the Bloodsucker

Ludwig was an urban legend in New York City back in the 1860s.  He was said to be an undead creature from Eastern Europe who haunted the back alleys and the bars of the Bowery district.  As you might guess from his name, he had a taste for blood.  (In all probability, Ludwig’s legend was probably the result of a combination of Know Nothing and Anti-Saloon League propaganda.)  Ludwig has been described as being “America’s first vampire” and that right there is why he needs to start in a movie of his very own.  I think Christoph Waltz would make a great vampire.

4.  Dark Watchers

Who are the Dark Watchers?  Reportedly, they hang out in the Santa Lucia Mountains in California.  They wear wide-brimmed hats and carry walking sticks and they’re described as being giants.  They never emerge from the shadows but many people have reported spotting their silhouettes while hiking through the mountains.  What are they watching for and where do they live?  Are they dangerous or are they merely observers?  You know what would answer those questions?  A movie!

5. Jackalope

One of the biggest disappointments of my life was when I learned that jackalopes apparently don’t actually exist.  How can you not love a rabbit with antlers!?  Seriously, if any creature has earned the right to star in a PIXAR film of its very own, it’s the mighty jackalope.

6. Wicked Wanda

Wicked Wanda was the ghost who supposedly lived on the top floor of my dorm during my first semester of college.  I never found her, though I did go searching a few times.  There really wasn’t much to her legend, beyond the fact that she was supposedly up there and she was wicked.  Still, if they can make a thousand movies about Annabelle, how about one movie about Wanda?