Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.21 “Scott’s Secret Dream”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, I continue I wonder why I ever started reviewing this show in the first place.

Episode 1.21 “Scott’s Secret Dream”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on April 18th, 1999)

This week’s episode of this terrible show revolves around the local television news.  Everyone is looking for a job.

Traycee, for instance, gets a job as the weather girl and spends her time saying that she doesn’t want it to rain in Malibu so she’s decided that it will be sunny instead.  The judgmental and humorless station intern is not amused by any of this.  Anyone who has watched this show should have little trouble guessing that the intern is Stads.

(It’s kind of sad how, in just a few episodes, Stads went from being the fun, kooky lifeguard to being a hyperjudgmental killjoy.)

Jason is excited because the station is sponsoring a jingle contest.  He wants to be a professional songwriter so maybe this could be his chance!  Jason does manage to win the contest but he spends so much time working on the jingle that he keeps his brother, Scott, from getting so much-needed sleep.

Scott has a secret dream.  He wants to be the station’s sports reporter.  (How about finishing high school first, Scott?)  Even Stads thinks that Scott would be a good sports reporter.  Unfortunately, Scott shows up for his audition exhausted and blows his big chance.  The station hires someone over the age of 17 to be the sports reporter.

Fortunately, for Scott, the newly hired sports reporter turns out to be a sexist pig and he’s fired after he follows Jason’s advice and hits on the station manager.  (Why is anyone following Jason’s advice about anything?)  So, Scott gets another chance to audition but this time, he drinks too much coffee and ends up jumping on the news desk and dancing.

(Because, y’know, that’s something you totally do if you drink a lot of coffee.)

Can Jason and Stads get Scott a third audition?  Yes, they can but the way they do it is so stupid that I don’t even want to talk about it.  The important thing is that Scott gets the weekend sports job and …. well, I guess he’ll just work as a busboy at the restaurant for the rest of the week.

(I’m starting to think this show isn’t very realistic.)

Meanwhile, Peter is upset because he’s single and he’s taking out his frustration on Murray.  So, Murray sends Peter a note from a secret admirer and …. you know what?  This is too stupid to talk about.  Brandon Brooks, as always, deserves some credit for bringing a touch of genuine sweetness to Murray’s odd behavior but …. no, no, I’m not going to talk about it.  This whole subplot was just too stupid.  Brandon Brooks and Ed Blatchford were probably the closest thing this show had to genuinely talented actors but the show always wasted them in the dumbest B-plots.

When I first started reviewing this show, I disliked both Scott and Jason equally.  As this season has progressed, Scott has grown on me a little because, unlike his brother, he’s not a total sociopath.  Scott, at the very least, seems to want to be a good person.  Jason, on the other hand, just seems like he’s destined to go to prison for cheating someone out of their life savings.

Thank God, it’s the holidays!  This is my last Malibu, CA review for 2024.  My reviews of this show will return on January 2nd.  Until then, I’m free from the Collins brothers!

RUSH HOUR – 1998, a special year for this fan of Hong Kong action cinema!

Posted on by Bradley Crain

1998 was certainly a special year for me as a fan of Hong Kong cinema but first let me provide a little context… After 150 years of British rule, Hong Kong was being handed over to communist China on July 1, 1997. This left a lot of uncertainty in Hong Kong’s local film industry. Because of that uncertainty, many of Hong Kong’s most popular filmmakers decided it was time to take their talents abroad. Director John Woo had already left for America in the early 90’s and had made successful films like HARD TARGET, BROKEN ARROW and FACE/OFF. This gets us to 1998, the year that many of Hong Kong’s biggest action stars would release their first American films. Chow Yun-fat would reprise his popular, honorable hitman role in his first American film, THE REPLACEMENT KILLERS, which was produced by John Woo and directed by Antoine Fuqua. Jet Li would make a strong impact as the badass villain in the 4th installment of the LETHAL WEAPON franchise. And then there’s Jackie Chan, probably the biggest of all the Hong Kong movie stars. Jackie had been banging around Hollywood as early as 1980 without a lot of fanfare in the west. But in 1996 Chan had a solid American box office hit when his Hong Kong production RUMBLE IN THE BRONX was dubbed and released in America. Armed with that success and a sizable budget provided by an American studio, Chan would get his own big release in 1998, the action-comedy RUSH HOUR!

In RUSH HOUR, Jackie Chan plays inspector Lee, a Hong Kong police detective who’s also a friend to Chinese Consul Han (Tzi Ma), currently serving in Los Angeles. When Consul Han’s daughter Soo Yung is kidnapped, he asks Lee to come to America to assist him and the FBI in rescuing her. The FBI doesn’t really want Lee’s help so they ask the Los Angeles police department to assign someone, anyone, to stay with Lee and keep an eye on him so he doesn’t get in the way of their investigation. Enter fast-talking, LAPD Detective James Carter. After some initial clashes and disagreements, the mismatched duo eventually begins working together to find the criminal mastermind behind the kidnapping, Juntao.

I watched RUSH HOUR at the movie theater on my birthday in 1998. I loved every second of it. A few weeks later I was on a business trip in Chicago, I told my boss how good the film was, and we went to see it as well. I enjoyed it just as much the 2nd time. I’m a big fan of “buddy cop” films like LETHAL WEAPON and BAD BOYS, and RUSH HOUR is an excellent addition to that sub-genre of action films. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker have an excellent chemistry together. Their comedic interplay is hilarious and entertaining. It’s one of the main reasons I enjoy the movie so much. Jackie Chan was 44 years old when RUSH HOUR was released, but he was still extremely athletic so his brand of martial arts action and comedy still worked. The movie would go on to gross just short of $250 million at the worldwide box office and establish Jackie Chan as a bonafide star in the American film market. 2001’s RUSH HOUR 2 would be an even bigger hit, making almost $350 million worldwide. No one works harder or gives more of himself to his film productions than Jackie Chan, and it was nice seeing him achieve the truly worldwide success that he had earned! 

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 3.2 “Murray’s Monster”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters tries to be funny and it actually succeeds for once!

Episode 3.2 “Murray’s Monster”

(Dir by Scott Alexander, originally aired on October 7th, 1990)

Murray’s Monster opens with Sherwin (Joe Flaherty) laying on a psychologist’s couch and talking about how much he hates his overbearing wife while Debbie (Teresa Gaznel) takes notes.  Debbie suddenly tells Sherwin that they’re out of time because Sherwin has to see his next patient.  Sherwin sits up on the couch and Debbie returns to the reception desk.  It’s an obvious joke but one that is well-played by both Joe Flaherty and Teresa Ganzel.  That’s another way of saying that it made me laugh, even though I saw it coming.

Sherwin’s new patient is Murray (Marvin Kaplan).  Murray is nervous and apologetic.  He even apologizes for coming to his appointment, offering to come back next week if it’s too much of a bother for Sherwin to see him that day.  Murray explains that people have been kicking him around all of his life and he’s sick of it.  Sherwin, after telling Murray that he’s less than a man, puts Murray under hypnosis.  Sherwin tells Murray to be more assertive.  Murray promptly turns into an angry ape-man (Colin Penman).  Ape-Man Murray is angry and destructive but, once he calms down, he turns back into Murray.

Frightened at first, Sherwin soon realizes that he can use Murray to his advantage.  He invites Murray to have dinner with his wife, Luann (Miriam Flynn).  His plan is that Murray will get angry with Luann, turn into an ape, and kill her.  Then Sherwin will be free to pursue Debbie.  Sherwin’s plan works in that Murray does get frustrated and he does turn into the ape.  But, instead of killing Luann, he instead picks her up and runs off with her.

The next day, Sherwin is shocked when Murray and Luann show up at his office.  It turns out that, since Murray was sick of people always telling him what to do, Ape Murray decided to disobey Sherwin’s wishes and has instead fallen in love with Luann.  When Sherwin gets upset and starts yelling, Murray turns into the ape again.  Uh-oh!

(As Luann puts it, “You’re a bad psychologist, Sherwin, because you never listen to your patients!”)

I have to say that I usually cringe whenever Monsters tries to be deliberately funny but this episode actually made me laugh.  Joe Flaherty and Marvin Kaplan both had great comedic timing and, even though I saw the final twist coming, the dialogue was still clever enough and the performances sharp enough to hold my interest.  This was a good episode.  Good for Murray.  Good for Monsters!

With the the holidays approaching, this is my final review of Monsters for 2024.  My Monsters reviews will return on January 1st, 2025!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.10 “Love, Honor and Obey/Gladys and Agnes/Radioactive Isaac”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Isaac has a problem!  Oh no!  Who will man the bar?

Episode 5.10 “Love, Honor and Obey/Gladys and Agnes/Radioactive Isaac”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on November 28th, 1981)

Oh no!  Isaac’s radioactive!

Well, no, not in the way that you might be thinking.  Before leaving on this week’s cruise, Isaac had some dental work done and his new fillings can pick up radio stations.  The only real problem with that is that Isaac likes a passenger named Patty Phelps (Berlinda Tolbert) and Patty likes him, except for when his teeth start playing music.  It leads Patty to suspect that Isaac is just pulling a big prank on her and she doesn’t have any patience for that nonsense.  Especially when there’s another handsome single man on board (played by Darrow Igus) whose teeth do not pick up radio stations.  Is Isaac willing to sacrifice his fillings for love?

Meanwhile, Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara play …. well, they might as well  just be playing Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara.  I’ve seen Jerry and Anne on a few of these shows and they always play the same two characters regardless of what their characters may be named.  In this case, Jerry and Anne want to renew their wedding vows on the Love Boat.  Captain Stubing is happy to oblige but Anne decides that she doesn’t want to vow to “obey’ her husband.  Jerry and Anne get into a fight and it looks like the marriage might be over!  However, things work out in the end.  They renew their vows and then Anne starts bossing Jerry around.  It was a pretty simple story but Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara were so likable together that it didnt matter.  I was happy they stayed together.

Finally, Agnes (Audra Lindley) and Gladys (Marion Ross) are two sisters who are taking a cruise together.  Agnes meets and falls for Henry Whitewood (Bernard Fox), who is a genuine English earl!  Gladys doesn’t want to lose Agnes and tells Henry that Agnes doesn’t have much money.  It turns out that Henry doesn’t have a lot of money either.  But he’s willing to sell what little land he does have so that he can refurbish the manor and invite Agnes to be his wife.  Awwww!  And don’t worry about Gladys.  She realizes that the most important thing is that her sister’s happy.

This cruise was a bit on the forgettable side.  After last week’s two-hour extravaganza, this week’s episode was rather low-key and almost mild-mannered.  It was pleasant without being particularly memorable.  I think we’ve all had vacations like that!

Speaking of vacations, the holidays are approaching so this is going to be final Love Boat review of 2024.  My reviews will resume on January 1st!

 

THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT (1996) – the $4 Million script!

Posted on by Bradley Crain

Shane Black wrote a couple of my favorite action movies during my teenage years, LETHAL WEAPON and THE LAST BOY SCOUT. His scripts are characterized by strong violence balanced out by a healthy amount of comedic banter. That lethal (pun intended) combination made Shane Black a star in his own right, with his work being very much in demand. In 1994 he sold his script for THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT for the unheard price of $4 Million. After hitting this payday, Black would go dark for the next decade and not release another screenplay until 2005’s KISS KISS BANG BANG, which was also his directorial debut. 

THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT opens with Samantha Caine playing Mrs. Claus in her small town’s Christmas parade. She has a nice boyfriend, an 8 year old daughter, and she’s a member of the PTA. This is pretty good for a lady that doesn’t remember a damn thing about her life prior to 8 years ago. After celebrating her friends at a Christmas party, she’s driving a soused old man (Alan North) home when she hits a deer and flies right through the window and lands on a snowbank. This wakes up some of her memories and she starts having a few quick flashbacks and some odd dreams from her past, including the name Charly Baltimore. She also learns that she can easily break a buck deer’s neck and handle knives like a champ! Around this same time, low-rent private detective Mitch Hennessy (Samuel L. Jackson) who has been paid a retainer by Ms. Caine to be on the lookout for any clues related to her past, gets lucky and finds a letter from Caine to a supposed former lover. He heads her way to give her the update. When a local news program shows the beautiful Ms. Caine in the parade, some enemies from her past see the story and head to town to try to kill her. Surviving the attempt on her life, and now with Hennessy by her side, Samantha leaves to find out who she really is and unravel the secrets of her past. Is she a chef? Is she a school teacher? Is she a badass hit woman named Charly Baltimore? The fun is in finding out! 

Geena Davis is so good in her role as Samantha Caine / Charly Baltimore. She’s simultaneously beautiful, funny, sexy, cute as a button, and badass. She was married to the director, Renny Harlin, when the film was made and they both went all out to create a strong, female action hero. I think they succeeded admirably. Samuel L. Jackson is just so good in this type of role. He’s sarcastic and funny, a little sleazy, and very much a reluctant hero who does the right thing when he has to. In 2019, Jackson would go so far as to tell late night host Jimmy Fallon that Mitch Hennessy is his personal favorite role. The remainder of the cast is fine, with Brian Cox particularly standing out. His declarative statement about the ultimate results of a small lapdog continually licking his asshole really hit home for me and is reason enough alone to watch this film.  

Ultimately, even though I personally went to see it during its theatrical run, THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT underwhelmed at the box office in 1996. It grossed around $90 million worldwide on a budget of around $65 million. But that’s fine to me, I enjoyed it in 1996, and I enjoyed it again when I watched it today! 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.22 “A Thousand Words”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, we wrap up Baywatch Nights.

Episode 2.22 “A Thousand Words”

(Dir by Tracy Lynch Britton, originally aired on May 16th, 1997)

After two seasons of gangsters and monsters, Baywatch Nights ends with yet another haunted house story.

Well, technically, it’s actually a haunted restaurant.  Diamont drags Ryan and Mitch to an abandoned restaurant that is said to be haunted.  Accompanying them is a researcher into the paranormal, Sarah (Kathy Tragesar).  Sarah explains that the restaurant has a long history of strange occurrences.  Diamont explains that, recently, two women have been killed and a man left in a coma after entering the restaurant.  Diamont thinks that it’s a poltergeist.  Mitch, as usual, is skeptical.

*sigh*

Seriously, why is Mitch still a skeptic?  I’ve gone into this before but it continues to bother me.  After everything that Mitch had seen and experienced over this season, why does he still refuse to believe in the supernatural?  Even Agent Scully eventually admitted that Mulder had a point.

Anyway, Ryan vanishes and finds herself in another dimension where she’s menaced by the knife-wielding murderer (John Snyder).  The murderer is driven by his relationship with his mother, whose portrait hang around the restaurant and whose painted facial expression changes depending on how determined her son is to kill.  (That was actually a nice touch.)  Mitch puts a call into his old friend (and season one co-star), Garner Ellerbee.  Garner shows up with psychic named Kira (Jazmin Lewis) and soon, Kira is in the other dimension as well….

Long story short, the poltergeist is eventually defeated.  Kira and Ryan come back to our world.  Mitch says that he loves Ryan.  He and Ryan share an embrace and start in on some really passionate kissing.  (Woo hoo!)  The show ends.

The main problem with this episode is that Mitch and Ryan didn’t really get to do that much.  For the most part, Kira did all the work and the episode so focused on her that I wouldn’t be surprised if it was meant to be a sort of backdoor pilot for a proposed series about Kira.  As well, the killer poltergeist is scary when he first appears but he becomes progressively less scary as the episode goes on.  By the end of the episode, he’s just kind of whiny.  As a series finale, this was definitely a bit underwhelming.

That said — hey, Mitch and Ryan kissed!  Seriously, I’ve been waiting for that moment ever since I first started reviewing this show.  No matter what else one might say about Baywatch Nights, David Hasselhoff and Angie Harmon had great chemistry together.  I won’t necessarily miss reviewing this show but I will miss seeing the two of them together.

In the end, Baywatch Nights was a pretty uneven show but it was definitely fun.  I think it had potential but I’m going to guess it was doomed by being a part of the Baywatch franchise.  People who didn’t like Baywatch weren’t going to watch a version of the show that took place at night.  People who did like Baywatch were undoubtedly disappointed by the lack of red swimsuits.  The ratings went down.  Judging from the final few episodes, the production budget got seriously cut.  The Hoff and Harmon were fun to watch but their chemistry couldn’t save the show.

Well, that completes Baywatch Nights!  Retro Television Reviews is going on a holiday break but, on January 7th, I will start reviewing a new show in this timeslot!  Until then, happy holidays to all the lifeguards out there.