Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.11 “Sin-Sop”

Posted on March 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters heads down south. No complaints from me. I like it when things head on down.

Episode 3.11 “Sin-Sop”

(Dir by P.J. Pesce, originally aired on December 9th, 1990)

In the deep South, a young man named Brother Roy (Christopher Shaw) claims that he can literally extract the sin from people, turning it into a black sludge that can then be disposed of. Brother Roy has the corpse of the most evil man in the world in his house. Touching the corpse (ew!) allows for the sin to be extracted. (This is why I prefer going to confession.)

Laura Daniel (Christine Dunford) is a reporter who is hopeful that she’ll be able to expose Brother Roy as being a fraud. Larch Lazaar (Richard Borg) is a sociopathic murderer who shows up at Roy’s place shortly after Laura. Laura and Lazaar are both skeptics but they’re also both about to discover the reality of sin-sop.

This was an atmospheric episode with an intriguing premise. I’m from the South and I’ve heard the stories of the so-called sin eaters, people who would go to the homes of the recently deceased and “eat” all of the dead person’s sins, usually by eating food that had been placed near the corpse. The deceased’s family would get the peace of mind of knowing their loved one was now without sin and the sin-eater usually got to eat a fairly large meal. (That said, I don’t know if I’d want to eat food that had been sitting next to or, in some cases, on a decaying corpse.) This episode makes good use of the sin eater legend and it features appropriately theatrical performances from Richard Borg and Christopher Shaw. This was an entertaining piece of Southern Gothic.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.19 “New York, A.C./Live It Up/All’s Fair in Love and War”

Posted on March 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard, we’re expecting you!

Episode 5.19 “New York, A.C./Live It Up/All’s Fair in Love and War”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 20th, 1982)

Poor Captain Stubing! He’s just returned from burying an old friend named George and now, he’s thinking about his own mortality. When he starts to feel unwell, Stubing goes to Dr. Bricker who tells Stubing that his problems are not physical. The problem is that …. STUBING’S DEPRESSED! Stubing decides to live each day to the fullest and good for him. This was a simple storyline but I liked it. I always appreciate the episodes that allow Stubing to be vulnerable without turning him into a hard-luck doofus. In this episode, Stubing was dealing with something that almost everyone has either had to or will deal with at some point in their life. It was also nice to see Doc Bricker giving good advice for once. Bernie Kopell is so likable in the role that I always appreciate it when he gets to play Doc as being something other than a lech.

As for the other two stories …. agck!

Three New York friends (played by former teen idols Eddie Byrnes, Fabian, and Bobby Sherman) have boarded the cruise. They are members of the Alimony Club. They’re all divorced and they’ve all sworn that they’ll keep each other from marrying again. They are a club that believes all marriages are doomed to failure. But when Sherman’s ex-wife, Annette Funicello, boards the boat, it looks like the Alimony Club might lose a member. And listen, I know that guys have their little rituals and their little clubs and that’s okay. But the Alimony Club just feels weird. It should be called the Misery Club because they seem to be more interested in keeping Bobby Sherman depressed than anything else. I always find it odd when previously divorced couples get back together on The Love Boat. I mean, did they forget why they got divorced in the first place?

Meanwhile, Jill St. John and Ron Ely have been having an affair for four years. Every 12 months, they get together for a romantic getaway. Ron says he can’t marry Jill because he’s married and has children back home. (*cough* jerk *cough*) Jill, who really could do better, insists that Ron leave his wife. She even has her brother board the cruise and flirt with her (*cough* Oh my Gosh, creepy! *cough*) to make Ron jealous. Ron gets jealous, alright. He beats up Jill’s brother and then reveals that he was lying about having a wife. He’s not married …. he’s scared of commitment! And now he’s ready to get married! Uhmmm …. like seriously, WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!? (I gave up cursing for Lent.) Jill — you were a BOND GIRL! You were TIFFANY FREAKING CASE! YOU CAN DO BETTER!

Oy vey, this episode.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.8 “Burnout”

Posted on March 4, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Oh no! It’s the cops!

Episode 1.8 “Burnout”

(Dir by Lyndon Chubbuck, originally aired on April 20th, 1996)

This episode of Pacific Blue opens with a hilarious scene of Victor and Cory sneaking up on some drug dealers that they’ve spotted making a sale. What makes it hilarious is that Victor and Cory somehow manage to do this while 1) wearing their blindingly white t-shirts and 2) riding their bikes. There’s not much good to say about this show but there’s an undeniable amusement factor in the show’s insistence that bicycle cops don’t look massively dumb creeping up on people while on their bikes.

It turns out that the dealers aren’t selling the usual “smack,” as Cory puts it. Instead, they’re selling steroids! Sheila (Shannon Tweed) is upset that one of her waitresses had gotten hooked on steroids and…. wait, who? Sheila briefly appeared in the pilot episode but she hasn’t been mentioned since and this is certainly the first time that we learn that Lt. Palermo’s girlfriend owns a restaurant. This episode acts as if Sheila is a regular character that we all know and love.

I get the feeling this episode was meant to air earlier in the season. Not only does Sheila return but Chris is back to being her arrogant, bitter self. Chris was a fighter pilot until her eyesight failed, a story we hear again and again in this episode. (She no longer has 20/20 eyesight but whenever she talks about it, she makes it sound as if she literally went blind.) Another pilot, Greg (Peter Barton), comes to visit her and makes a few jokes about how riding a bicycle is lame. This gives Chris a chance to defend her job and to also call out Greg for being a sexist who just wants to get laid before returning to the skies. Chris may be right about Greg but he’s played by the totally adorable Peter Barton so really, why not?

Meanwhile, on the beach, a schizophrenic man annoys the owner of a bodega by playing his saxophone. Fights break out, Cory tells the saxophone man to play his instrument under the pier. Presumably, it will be easier for him to get mugged or murdered under there. I like that the solution when it came to the crazy homeless man was just to find somewhere else for him to be crazy and homeless. Don’t take him to a shelter or a hook him up with mental health professionals or anything silly like that.

This show …. ugh. I’m really hoping the first season is an outlier and the subsequent seasons will be an improvement. The only thing worse than bicyclists are people who are cocky about being bicyclists. For 8 episodes now, it’s been one person after another expressing shock at the whole bicycle thing. We get it. We understand. The cops look stupid on their Schwinns. But, that’s the show. If Pacific Blue is still trying to justify its existence after eight episodes, that’s not a great sign.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.7 “Roller Derby Dolls/Thanks A Million”

Posted on March 4, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, things get strange on the Island!

Episode 6.7 “Roller Derby Dolls/Thanks A Million”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on December 4th, 1982)

Norman Hackett (Vic Tayback) is a sports fanatic who wants to coach his own athletic team. Oddly, he doesn’t specify what type of team he wants to coach. I would think that would be the first thing that a true sports fanatic would make clear. “I want to coach the….” Well, I can’t think of the names of any teams off the top of my head. I’m not a sports person so …. okay, he could have said he wanted to coach the Cowboys. You happy? Yes, I’m from North Texas and our football team sucks, Even I’m embarrassed by them and I don’t even follow football. I’d be tempted to coach the Rangers except I know Erin would get mad at me if the team didn’t make it to the championship. We also have a hockey team called the Stars but Leonard is the biggest hockey fan I know and, if anyone here at TSL deserves to coach hockey, it’s Leonard. What’s that, you say? The Mavericks? Ehh. I hate basketball. Those squeaky shoes drive me nuts. Plus Mark Cuban’s been kind of annoying ever since he decided to run for President in 2028.

Anyway, I’m rambling because this episode really wasn’t that interesting. Because Norman didn’t make it clear what he wanted to coach, Mr. Roarke gives him a whistle and then introduces him to the Belles, an all-female roller derby team. It turns out that roller derby is a big deal on Fantasy Island! There’s a roller derby rink and everything. It also turns out that Norman’s check bounced so, if he abandons the Belles, he’ll have to pay Mr. Roarke even more money …. wait, what? Shouldn’t Norman just be sent home or something? And doesn’t Roarke know enough to make sure the check clears before inviting someone to the Island? No wonder Tattoo used to be in charge of the money.

Speaking of money, Suzanne (Janet Leigh), Roger (James Noble), and Eddie (Art Metrano) come to the Island to take part in a contest. The winner will get $1.000.000 from a mysterious benefactor. The benefactor, by the way, is actually Eddie and it turns out that the entire contest is a private bet between him and Mr. Roarke. Eddie thinks that people will do anything to get money. (This is largely true. Up until a few weeks ago, this moronic woman was trying to sue my dead father’s estate for half a million. Fear not, she got nothing.) Roarke believes that people are good at heart. Eddie puts Suzanne and Roger through a series of increasingly dangerous tests to see how far they’re willing to go. In the end, both Roger and Suzanne prove themselves to be good people, though Suzanne is the one who gets the money. Roarke wins his bet and we’re left wondering how all this came about in the first place. (Seriously, how does Roarke even know Eddie?)

Anyway, this was kind of a strange trip to the Island. I’m not really happy about an episode of Fantasy Island featuring a story that isn’t really a fantasy. Still, at least the scenery was nice. That’s a beautiful island!

Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.11 “The Watch Commander”

Posted on March 3, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, a new boss gets on everyone’s nerves!

Episode 3.11 “The Watch Commander”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on November 17th, 1979)

There’s a new watch commander and he’s not making any friends. Lt. Harold Bates (Granville Van Dusen) previously worked in the PR Department at Sacramento and he sets out to make a bad impression from the minute that Sgt. Getraer first introduces him to the cops working out of the Los Angeles precinct. Lt. Bates is all about following the book. He notes every flaw, from a missed button to poor gas mileage. Getraer tries to get him to understand that there’s more to being a cop than just following regulations and that being a member of the Highway Patrol means having to make split-second decisions. Bates wants to know why Ponch isn’t wearing a regulation shirt.

In some ways, this is as close as CHiPs will ever get to The Caine Mutiny. Nobody removes Bates from command but Bates still struggles to recover from making a terrible first impression and his own Queeg-like personality doesn’t help things. His attempts to call out the members of the Highway Patrol who get the worst gas mileage backfires when Officer Grossman siphons gas out of Bates’s car, leading to Bates appearing at the bottom of the list. Bates has no idea how to talk to or trust people. Jon Baker tries to offer a helping hand, especially since both he and Bates served in Vietnam. He invites Bates to go skydiving with him over the weekend. Bates assumes it’s a set-up and turns him down.

We do get the usual car crashes and a subplot about a bunch of thieves who are stealing trucks from loading docks but the majority of this episode takes place at headquarters. Ponch, who is said to still be on limited duty, is recovering from his accident and one gets the feeling that this episode was developed so Erik Estrada could be a part of the story without actually having to spend too much time on his bike. (Estrada actually did injure himself during filming and those injuries were written into the show.) In some ways, this is CHiPs at its most realistic because everyone always hates the new boss, especially one who thinks that he knows everything.

Going back to The Caine Mutiny, it was impossible not to feel sorry for Queeg, who was not a bad guy but instead just someone who wasn’t good at talking to people and who ultimately was let down by the people who should have been supporting him. I never felt that type of sympathy for Bates, who really did just come across as being a jerk. Thank goodness for Robert Pine, whose steadiness as Sgt. Getraer is well-used by this episode. Pine is there to support Bates but he also protects his men. This episode features Getraer at his most likable. Everyone should be so lucky as to have a Getraer in their life.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.19 “Red Tape”

Posted on March 3, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week …. has Tubbs turned evil?

Episode 3.19 “Red Tape”

(Dir by Gabrielle Beaumont, originally aired on March 13th, 1987)

There’s a turncoat in the Vice Department. Someone is leaking information about search warrants to the bad guys and, as a result, cops are walking straight into booby traps. When a routine search for a low-level thief leads to an explosion that kills one cop (Viggo Mortensen) and leaves Tubbs covered in the man’s blood, Tubbs announces that he’s fed up with all of this and he refuses to take another assignment until the leaker has been caught. Castillo tells Tubbs he can either accept his new assignment or quit. Tubbs says he’s done.

The problem is that all of Tubbs’s money is wrapped up with the department’s credit union and Tubbs can’t withdraw it quickly enough to get back to New York. The usually cool and collected Tubbs throws a fit, getting himself arrested when he starts threatening people at the credit union. Crockett gets him out of jail and Tubbs says their partnership is done. Switek tries to open up about his feelings after Zito’s death. Tubbs says he doesn’t care. What’s going on with Tubbs? He’s acting like a total jerk and he’s also loudly letting everyone know that he’s desperate to get out of Miami and that he needs money quickly….

If you guessed Tubbs was working undercover, you are correct! It’s all an elaborate ruse to get crooked Detective McIntyre (Scott Plank) to approach Tubbs with an offer. (McIntyre’s girlfriend is played by a young actress named Annette Bening) Unfortunately, only Tubbs and Castillo know that Tubbs is still one of the good guys, A hot-headed young detective named Bobby Diaz (Lou Diamond Phillips) thinks that Tubbs really is crooked. Diaz already lost one partner to the leaker. He’s looking for revenge and even while Tubbs and Castillo are planning to take down McIntyre, Bobby is planning to take down Tubbs. In typical Miami Vice fashion, it all leads to shoot out that leaves the bad guys dead but which also leaves Diaz mortally wounded and cursing Tubbs with his dying breath. Tubbs goes from pretending to hate his job to actually hating it.

Seriously, were there ever any unambiguously happy endings on Miami Vice? It seems like nearly every episode ended with Crockett and Tubbs realizing that their latest victory — assuming they were lucky enough to even have one — would prove to pyrrhic. There would always be a new drug boss ready to replace anyone that they took out of the game. There would aways be a new cop willing to betray his colleagues. And there would always be a mountain of red tape, waiting to keep them from making a difference. This episode was dark!

This season seems like it’s been more Tubbs-centric than previous seasons and, as dark as thing got, it was still a little fun to watch Phillip Michael Thomas go totally over the top as the angry Tubbs. The scene in the credit union was one that I’m sure would be enjoyed by anyone who has ever had to deal with red tape. One could argue that Tubbs go so far overboard that the bad guys should have been able to see through his ruse. But, still, this episode was effectively moody and dark. Watching it, it was hard not to feel that Thomas deserved more storylines than he got.

Next week: Crockett falls in love with Melanie Griffith!

A Note From Lisa To You Regarding Retro Television Reviews

Posted on February 27, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, some may have noticed a lack of retro television reviews this week. I wish I had a better excuse than me being sick to give you but seriously, I’ve just been under the weather big time this week. I went from 9 degree temperatures at Lake Texoma to 67 degree temperatures back home in Dallas and my asthma has basically just been kicking my ass for a week and a half now. Plus …. well, I won’t go into the gory details but let’s just say this is not my week when it comes to feeling well.

I was going to try to get caught up on my television reviews today but then I realized that would essentially mean writing and posting 9 television reviews in one day and it would also mean that I would inevitably have to rush to get them all completed. That, along with me being tired and ill, would probably lead to some badly written reviews on my part. Add to that, the Oscars are approaching this weekend and Oscar Sunday is a big tradition around these parts. It’s a tradition that also requires a bit of focus from me.

Long story short: I’m bowing to reality. I’m sick and the world’s not going to end if there’s a week’s delay in reviewing the next episode of Malibu, CA. I’m accepting that what Erin always tells me about taking care myself is true and that I need to perhaps get a little rest so I can get back to being 100% healthy and alert. Retro Television Reviews will return on March 3rd with Miami Vice! Thank you for your understanding and patience!

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 3.4 “Crosetti”

Posted on February 23, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC! It can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, we discover why Steve Crosetti has not come back to work.

Episode 3.4 “Crosetti”

(Dir by Whitney Ransick, originally aired on December 2nd, 1994)

Detective Steve Crosetti has yet to return from a week-long vacation in Atlantic City. When Giardello asks Lewis where Crosetti is, Lewis lies and says that he has the flu. In truth, Lewis hasn’t heard from Crosetti but he remains convinced that his partner will soon return and will once again be annoying him with all of his theories about Abraham Lincoln.

Meanwhile, Bolander and Munch are called to the harbor. A body has been fished out of the water. The body has been in the water for a while and, from what we see, its bloated and the skin has turned the purplish color of decay. Bolander and Munch have no idea who the man is but they see that he’s wearing a lapel pin that identifies him as a member of the Fraternal Order of Policeman. They check the body for ID….

Lewis is called in Giardello’s office. Giardello tells Lewis that Steve Crosetti is dead. His body was found in the harbor. Bolander is investigating but all signs seem to indicate that Crosetti’s death was a suicide. Lewis refuses to believe it. He is convinced that Crosetti was murdered, perhaps by someone he investigated. Lewis takes out his anger on Bolander and Munch, feeling that they’re attempting to besmirch Crosett’s reputation by even considering the possibility of suicide.

It’s more than just Lewis’s feelings at stake. If Bolander determines that Crosetti committed suicide, it will make him the fourth Baltimore cop to have committed suicide that year. The brass says that Crosetti won’t get an honor guard if it’s determined that he committed suicide. Giardello subtly suggests that Bolander should rule the death of homicide. Bolander suggests that committing suicide was Crosetti’s final statement. Who are they to ignore a man’s final statement?

In the end, the toxicology results reveal that Crosetti was drunk when he fell in the harbor, leading to Lewis saying the death was an accident. Munch then reveals that Crosetti was also taking several anti-depressants at the time of his death and Lewis is finally forced to admit that Crosetti was not murdered. Crosetti does not get his honor guard, though Pembleton, after spending the whole episode acting as if he didn’t care, puts on his full dress uniform and salutes as Crosetti’s casket passes.

This was an incredibly powerful episode, all the more so because no explanation is given as to what specifically led to Crosetti taking his own life. The genesis behind the episode was not a happy one. One of NBC’s conditions for renewing Homicide for a third season was that Jon Polito, who was not considered photogenic enough for television, be written out. Showrunner Tom Fontana told Polito it would only be a temporary thing and that Crosetti would return once the show had been renewed for a fourth season. Polito didn’t believe Fontana and went to the press, complaining about how the show was being run. As a result, Crosetti ended his life. (Polito and Fontana later ended their feud, allowing Polito to return as a ghost at the end of Homicide: The Movie.) The show uses Crosetti’s suicide as a way to explore the psychological impact of being a cop as well as the impossibility of truly knowing what’s going on inside anyone’s head. Only after Crosetti’s suicide has been confirmed can Lewis look back and see certain signs that Crosetti was unhappy.

Wonderfully acted and wonderfully written, this episode is a dark one but, as so often happens with life’s darker moments, there are moments of humor. Pembleton brags about his parallel parking skills, just to discover that he can’t actually pull out afterwards. An attempt to buy cookies for Crosetti’s reception leads to a fierce argument between Bayliss and Pembleton, regarding both the price of cookies and whether or not the baker was actually Italian. We meet Munch’s younger brother, a rather bitter mortician. When Lewis cleans out Crosetti’s desk, the first thing he pulls out is a yo-yo. These are small moments but they affirm the humanity of the show’s characters and reminds us that the show and this episode in general is as much about living as it is about dying.

Steve Crosetti, RIP.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 3.8 “Mutiny on Mr. Christian”

Posted on February 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and Peacock!

This week, Howard leaves the store once again. Chaos follows.

Episode 3.8 “Mutiny on Mr. Christian”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on November 7th, 1987)

Howard goes on another one of the 100 vacations that he seems to take during the year, leaving Christian in charge of the store. To no one’s surprise, Christian turns out to be a total martinet who times Marlene’s check-out speed, bothers Leslie at the deli, and refuses to give out the paychecks early. “The book says 4:00,” Christian explains, “and I’m doing things by the book.”

When Howard returns early, Marlene rats on Christian and reveals, amongst other things, that Christian attempted to strip search a female shop lifter. (Agck! As someone who was a compulsive makeup stealer in her teen years, I’m glad Target didn’t have the same policy.) Howard probably could fire Christian for the strip search stunt but instead, he …. well, he does nothing.

Christian, however, gets back at Marlene by disguising his voice, calling her, and telling her that she has won two tickets to Atlantic City as a part of a newspaper sweepstakes that she was taking part in. Marlene is super-excited and can’t wait to take her grandmother on a real vacation. Christian suffers a pang of guilt. When he later calls to tell Marlene that she didn’t win the tickets, Howard overhears him. Christian is forced to tell Marlene what he did. Instead of yelling at Christian, Marlene says she’ll just win the tickets for real.

Marlene does not win the contest. But Howard, Leslie, and even Christian all buy her tickets to Atlantic City. Awwwww!

Plotwise, this episode felt like a season two episode. Howard is once again going on vacation whenever he wants. Christian is once again acting like a jackass. Leslie and Marlene are once again allied against the world. Edna is not in the episode and neither is Viker. Even the ending feels like a season two ending. Marlene takes the tickets from Christian while Marlene returns the other tickets to Leslie and Howard so that they can get refunds. They laugh about getting one over on Christian though they might want to consider that Christian, for once, tried to do the right thing without being ordered to do so.

That said, this episode works like a season 3 episode because it focuses on the show’s three most consistently funny performers, Jeff Pustil, Aaron Schwartz, and Kathleen Laskey. Schwartz has fun with Leslie’s snarky insults. Laskey brings an edge to Marlene’s sarcasm. Jeff Pustil is always at his best when he’s portraying Christian’s attempts to weasel out of being held responsible for his actions. The three of them more than make up for the fact that Don Adams himself feels a bit off in this episode.

All in all, this wasn’t the best episode of the show or even the third season. But it still made me smile.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.4 “Crippled Inside”

Posted on February 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, it’s all up to Johnny Ventura!

By the way, it is true that these reviews usually run on Friday. This week, however, all the cold weather caught up to me and I spent most of yesterday in bed. As a result, this week’s review got preempted to tonight. Now, let’s find out what’s been going on in the world of cursed antiques!

Episode 3.4 “Crippled Inside”

(Dir by Timothy Bond, originally aired on October 21st, 1989)

This week’s episode opens with teenager Rachel Horn (Stephanie Morgenstern) nearly getting gang-raped by a group of jocks. Rachel manages to escape from them but, as she runs away, she’s hit by a car and left a quadriplegic. Feeling that her life is over, things start to look up for Rachel when an old man (John Gilbert) gives her his antique wheelchair, which he suggests will help her regain the ability to move. When Rachel sits in the antique wheelchair, she can send out her astral form. Each time she uses the wheelchair, her body heals just a little bit more. The only catch is that the wheelchair only works if Rachel kills people while in her astral form. Hey, I can think of at least four guys that Rachel might want to kill….

With Jack and Micki in London, it falls to Johnny Ventura to try to get the wheelchair back. I have to admit that I was a bit skeptical when I saw this episode was going to be a solo effort on Johnny’s part. I was like, “Johnny’s only been a regular for two episodes and he’s already working alone?” (I have to admit that my feelings towards the Johnny Ventura character are very much influenced by how much I liked Ryan.) But I have to say that this was a good episode and a lot of that was because Johnny was working alone. Not understanding the true danger of the cursed antiques, Johnny was torn about whether or not to take the wheelchair away from Rachel. Rachel was a very sympathetic character and the people she was targeting truly were terrible. Johnny, not understanding that Rachel was losing her soul to the devil, actually gave the wheelchair back at one point. By the end of the episode, he realized he had made a mistake. Steve Monarque did a wonderful job portraying Johnny’s growing realization that there are no good curses.

This was a good episode. I still miss Ryan but Johnny held his own. The story was emotionally effective and the ending left me feeling genuinely unsettled. Johnny learned the truth about curses and I learned that, even during its final season, Friday the 13th: The Series was capable of producing intelligent and memorable horror.