Film Review: Shotgun Wedding (dir by Jason Moore)


A mildly amusing mix of romance, comedy, and action, Shotgun Wedding tells the story of Tom (Josh Duhamel) and Darcy (Jennifer Lopez).

Tom is a washed-up baseball player.  Darcy is …. well, I’m not sure if the film ever really made clear what exactly Darcy does for a living.  She comes from a wealthy family and she previously worked with the Peace Corps in Bali.  After dating for four years, Tom and Darcy are finally getting married.  Darcy wanted to have a simple wedding.  Tom, however, becomes a groomzilla and plans an elaborate ceremony on a remote island resort.  Sure, the island has occasionally been targeted by pirates but the owners of resort assure Tom that it probably won’t happen again.

The night before the wedding is fraught with drama.  Darcy’s mother (Sonia Braga) is not happy that her ex-husband (Cheech Marin) has brought his new agey girlfriend (D’Arcy Carden) to the wedding.  Tom’s mother (Jennifer Coolidge) insists that Tom and Darcy not sleep together the night before the ceremony.  Meanwhile, Tom’s father (Steve Coulter, a genuinely funny actor) wanders about with an old school camcorder, recording everything.  Darcy’s sister (Callie Hernandez) hooks up with one of Tom’s friends (Desmin Borges).  Finally, Sean Hawkins (Lenny Kravitz) makes a dramatic entrance, even though he wasn’t exactly invited to the wedding.  Sean was Darcy’s ex-fiancé, the man that she nearly married before she met Tom.  Everyone loves Sean.  When morning comes around, Tom and Darcy aren’t even sure they still want to get married.

That’s when the pirates show up.

Because Tom and Darcy were busy arguing, they weren’t present when the pirates took the rest of the wedding party hostage.  Now, Tom and Darcy have to make their way through the jungle so that they can defeat the pirates, save the hostages, and work on their relationship problems.  Along the way, both Tom and Darcy will discover that they’re capable of doing things that they never would have thought possible, like killing pirates.

Shotgun Wedding feels a bit like a throw back.  It’s very easy to imagine Cameron Diaz or Jennifer Aniston or Sandra Bullock (or maybe even Jennifer Lopez) starring in this film in 2003, playing Darcy opposite someone like Ron Livingston, Owen Wilson, or Greg Kinnear.  That’s not meant to be a complaint.  There’s actually something rather pleasant about the film’s somewhat quaint approach to its story.  Much like last year’s Marry Me, it feels like a throw back to a simpler time when everyone was willing to accept that there was no need for ambiguity when it came to portraying gun-toting pirates as being the bad guys.

Unlike Marry Me, in which Owen Wilson was able to hold his own opposite his glamourous co-star, Shotgun Wedding is pretty much dominated by Jennifer Lopez.  Josh Duhamel has his moments as the not terribly bright Tom but significantly, those moments almost all occur while Darcy and Tom are separated.  Indeed, much as how the studios used to pair Golden Age divas with forgettable leading men, it sometimes feel as if Duhamel was specifically cast because there was no danger of him taking the attention away from the movie’s main star.  This is a film that was pretty much designed to show off Jennifer Lopez.  With every scene, one can hear the movie whispering, “Isn’t she still funny?  Doesn’t she still look good?”  Fortunately, Jennifer Lopez is still funny and yes, she does still look good.  Even more importantly, she’s more than capable of carrying a film like this and she delivers her lines with just the right amount of comedic exasperation.  A running joke about how much she hates her wedding dress pays off in an unexpected way and the scenes in which Darcy confronts her fear of the sight of blood are enjoyably over-the-top.  For someone who was once frequently been portrayed as being a diva in the tabloids. Lopez has always had a down-to-Earth screen presence and a talent for physical comedy.  At their best, both this film and Jennifer Lopez are enjoyably silly.

Unfortunately, the film itself starts drag after the first hour and the film’s humor starts to wear thin.  There’s only so many times you can listen to someone say something stupid while a pirate points a gun in their face before the joke starts to get stale.  I still laughed at quite a few of the lines.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s an amusing film.  But it’s not a particularly memorable one.  It’s the type of movie that mildly entertains you for 100 minutes and then it quickly leaves your mind afterwards.  In many ways, it’s ideal for the streaming era.  If you left the house and paid money to sit in a theater and watch the film with a bunch of strangers, you might be more likely to get annoyed at how slight the film is.  But, when watched in the safety of your own home, it’s a perfectly pleasant experience.

Scenes I Love: “Print The Legend” From The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance


The legendary director John Ford was born 129 years ago today, in Maine.  As I sit here writing this, you can go see The Fabelmans, which ends with a scene in which a young Steven Spielberg (or Sammy Fabelman, whatever) meets John Ford (played by David Lynch).  The meeting is based on a meeting that a young Spielberg actually had with Ford shortly before Ford’s death in 1971.

However, long before John Ford met Steven Spielberg, he directed one of my favorite films, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.  Today’s scene that I love comes from the end of that 1962 film and it features a line that would become a classic.  “Print the legend.”  That was a line that Ford understood and I imagine it’s one that Spielberg eventually came to understand as well.

Oblivion (1994, directed by Sam Irvin)


In the far, far future, Earth has set up colonies all across the universe.  One of those colonies is the dusty town of Oblivion, which looks just like an old west town except the deputy is a cyborg and there’s an ATM outside the saloon.  A humanoid lizard named Red Eye (Andrew Divoff, covered in green scales) comes to town and kills the marshal.  Red Eye and his gang take over Oblivion, planning to turn it into their own personal pleasure palace.

The marshal’s son, Zack (Richard Joseph Paul), comes to town for the old man’s funeral.  Everyone thinks that Zack is a coward because he refuses to avenge his father’s death.  Zack, however, is no coward.  He’s just an empath who can’t handle the negative emotion that are generated by violence.  But seeing as how his father is dead, his best friend Buteo (Jimmie F. Skaggs) is being tortured in the town square, and lovely Mattie Chase (Jackie Swanson) wants Red Eye and his gang to get out of town, Zack knows that he’s going to have to do the right thing and conquer his empathy.

Oblivion is a haphazard mix of comedy, science fiction, and the western genre.  Some of the ideas come close to being clever but it never makes sense why an Earth colony in 3031 would resemble a one-horse town from a singing cowboy movie.  (The film probably would have worked better if it had been about Red Eye invading an actual Old West town in the 1800s instead of a colony designed to look like one.)  Andrew Divoff is entertaining as he hams it up as the main desperado but, as far Old West charisma is concerned, Richard Joseph Paul is no John Wayne or Henry Fonda.  Quite a few familiar names were somehow roped into appearing in this low-budget space oater, though most of them only appear for a few minutes and don’t contribute much to the overall story.  George Takei plays the alcoholic town doctor.  Julie Newmar is Miss Kitty, the owner of Oblivion’s “social” club.  In a nod to her most famous role, Newmar hisses at Red Eye and his gang but that’s all she gets to do.  It feels like a waste of a cameo.  Isaac Hayes and Meg Foster also make appearances, though again neither really gets to do anything interesting.

The idea of a space western isn’t a bad one and there actually have been a few good ones.  (Outland, for example.)  But Oblivion can never escape the drag of its low budget and its bland lead.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.23 “Musical Cabins”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Let’s hear it for life’s sweetest reward!

Episode 1.23 “Musical Cabins”

(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on May 6th, 1978)

This week’s episode of The Love Boat opened with …. a commercial!

Actually, if you’re watching the show on Paramount Plus like me, every episode opens with a commercial and occasionally the commercial freezes and you have to start all over again.  This week, though, was significant because it was a new commercial from Pfizer.  The commercial opened with P!nk holding a rubber germ.

“If I was holding COVID-19,” P!nk says, “I would be in trouble …. because I have asthma.”

Plus, she would be in trouble because that’s the biggest goddamn germ I’ve ever seen.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have asthma too and I am more than aware of the dangers of getting an aggressive respiratory illness.  But I’m just not sure that having a bunch of celebrities passing around a big rubber germ is the best way to advertise the vaccine.  As soon as P!nk threw the germ at Michael Phelps and ?uestlove, the commercial started to lose me.  It felt cheap, like one of those ICDC commercials that Master P forced Romeo Miller to do.  Don’t throw germs at your friends.

Speaking of which, this week’s episode of The Love Boat is all about friendships and relationships.  Ms. O’Roarke (Marica Wallace) is a gossip reporter who has heard that the Pacific Princess is a notorious hotbed of lust and hedonism on the high seas.  She books a ticket and then sneaks around the boat with her notepad, watching as people go in and out of different cabins.  She thinks that she’s uncovering evidence of an orgy on the high seas but actually, she’s just witnessing a bunch of misunderstandings.

For instance, Didi (Barbara Rhoades) is so disgusted by Curt (Dick Gautier), her chauvinistic boyfriend, that she refuses to stay in their cabin.  When Gopher informs her that the cruise is sold out and there are no other cabins available, Doc immediately volunteers his cabin.  Judging from the look on Gopher’s face, he’s just about had it with Doc hitting on every single passenger on the boat.  An HR report is about to be filed.

Doc, for his part, assumes that Didi is looking for more than just a place to sleep.  Being the swinger that he is, Doc slips into his pajamas and offers to help Didi unwind.

Didi is scandalized and kicks Doc out of his own cabin.  Doc ends up asking Julie if he can crash in her cabin.  Julie agrees but then wonders why Doc has never tried to hit on her.  Doc replies that he thinks of Julie as being a “kid sister.”

Wrong answer, Doc!

Fortunately, Julie is soon approached by Nelson Hoag (Paul Williams), who has been asking every woman on the cruise if she’ll consider marrying him.  Everyone turns Nelson down but what they don’t know is that Nelson is going to inherit a good deal of money but only if he gets married before his next birthday!

Julie and Nelson spend the night talking and Julie is actually charmed by Nelson.  However, just as she learns in to kiss him, Gopher shows up and puts the kibosh on it.  Gopher is going to have a lot of HR reports to write.

Since Doc is sleeping in her cabin, Julie ends up staying in Nelson’s cabin.  Meanwhile, Nelson meets Irene (Michele Lee), a widow who is pretending to be an heiress.  Irene allows Nelson to stay in her cabin and then she spends some time with an entirely smitten Captain Stubing.  Is anyone on the boat actually doing their job?

Eventually, as O’Roarke hides behind the corner and takes notes, everyone meets in one cabin to work out their feelings.  Curt wants Didi back but Didi actually prefers the company of the gentle Nelson.  For her part, Irene likes men who take what they want and say whatever pops into their mind and that certainly describes Curt.  By the end of the cruise, Julie and Doc are friends again, Didi is married to Nelson, and Irene is dating Curt.  And O’Roarke realizes that she doesn’t have a story so she tears up all of her notes.

Usually, I can’t stand shows (or movies) where the plot hinges on a series of misunderstandings that could all easily be cleared up by people just not being stupid but I actually found this episode of The Love Boat to be rather charming, as the show made good use of the cast’s natural chemistry and the guest stars actually brought some much needed emotional depth to characters who were otherwise rather thinly written.  Yes, Nelson was a little weirdo but, oddly, he and Didi made for a really sweet couple.  Add to that Michele Lee brought a sense of genuine sadness to her role as the lonely widow.  Watching the show, I found myself hoping that things would work out for her and they did!

Yay!

I hope next week is this good!

Here Are The 2022 Eddie Nominations!


The American Cinema Editors have announced their nominations for the Eddie Awards, which will celebrate the best in film editing for 2022. The winners will be announced March 5th, 2023.

I’m not really sure why any organization would wait until after the Oscar nominations to announce their own nominations but whatever.  There’s no need to be judgey, right?  Here are the nominees!

BEST EDITED FEATURE FILM (Drama, Theatrical)
All Quiet on the Western Front – Sven Budelmann, BFS
Elvis – Matt Villa, ACE ASE & Jonathan Redmond
Tár – Monika Willi
Top Gun: Maverick – Eddie Hamilton, ACE
The Woman King – Terilyn A. Shropshire, ACE

BEST EDITED FEATURE FILM (Comedy, Theatrical)
The Banshees of Inisherin – Mikkel E.G. Nielsen, ACE
Everything Everywhere All at Once – Paul Rogers
Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery – Bob Ducsay, ACE
The Menu – Christopher Tellefsen, ACE
Triangle of Sadness – Ruben Östlund & Mikel Cee Karlsson

BEST EDITED ANIMATED FEATURE FILM (Theatrical or Non-Theatrical)
The Bad Guys – John Venzon, ACE
Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio – Ken Schretzmann, ACE & Holly Klein
Marcel the Shell with Shoes On – Dean Fleischer-Camp & Nick Paley
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish – James Ryan, ACE
Turning Red – Nicholas C. Smith, ACE

BEST EDITED DOCUMENTARY (Theatrical)
All the Beauty and the Bloodshed – Amy Foote, Joe Bini & Brian A. Kates, ACE
Fire of Love – Erin Casper & Jocelyne Chaput
Good Night Oppy – Helen Kearns, ACE & Rejh Cabrera
Moonage Daydream – Brett Morgen
Navalny – Langdon Page & Maya Hawke

BEST EDITED DOCUMENTARY (Non-Theatrical)
The Andy Warhol Diaries: “Collab: Andy & Basquiat” – Steve Ross
George Carlin’s American Dream – Joe Beshenkovsky, ACE
The Last Movie Stars: “Luck is an Art” – Barry Poltermann
Lucy and Desi – Robert A. Martinez
Pelosi in the House – Geof Bartz, ACE

BEST EDITED MULTI-CAMERA COMEDY SERIES
The Conners: “Of Missing Minds and Missing Fries” – Brian Schnuckel, ACE
How I Met Your Father: “Timing Is Everything” – Susan Federman, ACE
The Neighborhood: “Welcome to the Art of Negotiation” – Chris Poulos

BEST EDITED SINGLE CAMERA COMEDY SERIES
Atlanta: “Andrew Wyeth. Alfred’s World.” – Kyle Reiter, ACE & Isaac Hagy, ACE
Barry: “710N” – Franky Guttman
Barry: “Starting Now” – Ali Greer
The Bear: “System” – Joanna Naugle
Only Murders in the Building: “I Know Who Did It” – Shelly Westerman, ACE & Payton Koch

BEST EDITED DRAMA SERIES
Andor: “One Way Out” – Simon Smith
Euphoria: “Stand Still Like the Hummingbird” – Aaron I. Butler, ACE & Julio Perez IV, ACE
Euphoria: “The Theater and Its Double” – Laura Zempel, Julio Perez IV, ACE & Nikola Boyanov
Severance: “In Perpetuity” – Geoffrey Richman, ACE & Erica Freed Marker, ACE
Severance: “The We We Are” – Geoffrey Richman, ACE

BEST EDITED FEATURE FILM (NON-THEATRICAL)
Fire Island – Brian A. Kates, ACE
Hocus Pocus 2 – Julia Wong, ACE
A Jazzman’s Blues – Maysie Hoy, ACE
Prey – Angela M. Catanzaro, ACE & Claudia Castello
Weird: The Al Yankovic Story – Jamie Kennedy

BEST EDITED LIMITED SERIES
Gaslit: “Year of the Rat” – Joe Leonard, ACE
Obi-Wan Kenobi: “Part VI” – Kelley Dixon, ACE & Josh Earl, ACE
Station Eleven: “Unbroken Circle” – Anna Hauger, ACE, David Eisenberg, Yoni Reiss & Anthony McAfee
The White Lotus: “Abduction” – Heather Persons, ACE
The White Lotus: “Arrivederci” – John M. Valerio ACE

BEST EDITED NON-SCRIPTED SERIES
Deadliest Catch: “Sailor’s Delight” – Isaiah Camp, ACE, Joe Mikan, ACE & Alexander Rubinow, ACE
Formula 1: Drive to Survive: “Hard Racing” – Cassie Bennitt, Matt Rudge, Duncan Moir, Nic Zimmermann, Jack Foxton & Neil Clarkson
Vice: “Killing for Success & Marcos Returns” – Paula Salhany, Brandon Kieffer, Andrew Pattison. Catherine Lee & Victoria Lesiw

BEST EDITED VARIETY TALK/SKETCH SHOW OR SPECIAL
A Black Lady Sketch Show: “Save My Edges, I’m A Donor!” – Stephanie Filo, ACE, Bradinn French, Taylor Mason & S. Robyn Wilson
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: “Police Interrogations” – Anthony Miale, ACE & Ryan Barger
My Next Guest Needs No Introduction with David Letterman: “Volodymyr Zelenskyy Special” – Cori Wapnowska & Jon Higgins

BEST EDITED ANIMATED SERIES
Big Mouth: “Dadda Dia!” – Felipe Salazar
Bob’s Burgers: “Some Like It Bot Part 1: Eighth Grade Runner” – Jeremy Reuben, ACE
Love, Death & Robots: “Bad Travelling” – Kirk Baxter, ACE

ANNE V. COATES AWARD FOR STUDENT EDITING
Adriana Guevara – New York University
Jazmin Jamias – American Film Institute
Tianze Sun – American Film Institute

 

It’s Over: Tom Brady Retires


Tom Brady has retired.

It’s over.

The last time Tom retired, he changed his mind a month and a half later and returned to lead the Buccaneers to the playoffs.  On Twitter, there’s already a lot of people making jokes about him changing his mind a second time but I think everyone knows that this Brady retirement is for real.  He’s 45 years old now, playing a game that many players are forced to quit when they’re only in their early 30s.  This season, there were times when Brady struggled but he still led the Buccaneers to the post season.  A struggling Brady was still better than many quarterbacks at their prime.

Tom Brady was the greatest of all time.  He’s also someone who played for so long that there’s an entire generation that doesn’t know of a time when Brady wasn’t one of the most dominating quarterbacks in the league.  Brady played 23 seasons.  People who were born during his first season with the Patriots have graduated from college.  Famously, Brady was picked in the 6th round of the 2000 NFL Draft but, in the end, he was the last member of the class standing.  Brady dominated like a few others.  It was exciting and fun to watch him play, except for one he was playing against your team.

There are, of course, other great quarterbacks in the NFL.  Two of them are about to meet in the Super Bowl.  But Tom Brady retiring is definitely the end of an era and a reminder that time catches up with all of us eventually.  Brady has been hired by Fox Sports to provide commentary during the 2023 season.  I could see Tom Brady doing anything he wants during his retirement.

Let’s not get crazy now.

Personally, I think Tom Brady would make a hell of a coach.  But, whatever he does from this point forward, he’ll always be remembered as one of the greatest of all time.

Celebrate February With These Historical Romance Covers!


Welcome to February!

Since February is the month of love and Valentine’s Day, I wanted to help everyone get into the spirit by sharing some great historical romance covers!  Whether you call them bodice rippers or gothic romances, they prove that love, romance, and old dark castles have been with us through the centuries.

Here are a few of my favorites!

2022 In Review: Lisa Marie’s Favorite Novels


Again, as with my non-fiction list, I just wish I had read more last year.  Fortunately, this year, I plan to do just that!

  1. The It Girl by Ruth Ware
  2. The Paris Apartment by Lucy Foley
  3. Tracy Flick Can’t Win by Tom Perotta
  4. The Maid by Nita Prose
  5. The Hacienda by Isabel Canas
  6. Heat 2 by Meg Gardiner and Michael Mann
  7. A Flicker in the Dark by Stacy Willingham
  8. House of Hunger by Alexis Henderson
  9. Electric Idol by Katee Robert
  10. It Starts With Us by Colleen Hoover

Be sure to check out my picks for 2021, 202020192018201720162015201420132012, and 2011!

Lisa Marie’s 2022 In Review:

  1. 16 Worst Movies
  2. 10 Favorite Songs
  3. 10 Top Non-Fiction Books

2022 In Review: Lisa Marie’s Top 10 Non-Fiction Books


As always, I wish I had read more.  Hopefully, that’s something that I’ll accomplish in 2023!

Be sure to check out my previous picks for 2021, 2020201920182017201620152014, and 2013

  1. American Demon: Eliot Ness and the Hunt for America’s Jack the Ripper by Daniel Stashower
  2. Gangsters vs Nazis by Michael Benson
  3. Welcome to Dunder Mifflin by Brian Baumgartner and Ben Silverman
  4. Blood, Sweat & Chrome: The Wild and True Story of Mad Max: Fury Road by Kyle Buchanan
  5. Mean Baby by Selma Blair
  6. Cimino: The Deer Hunter, Heaven’s Gate, and the Price of Ambition by Charles Elton
  7. The Book of Broadway Musical Debates, Disputes, and Disagreements by Peter Filichia
  8. The Office BFFs: Tales of the Office From Two Best Friends Who Were There by Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey
  9. Everybody Thought We Were Crazy by Mark Rozzo
  10. Godzilla: The Official Guide to the King of the Monsters by Graham Skipper

Lisa Marie’s 2022 In Review:

  1. 16 Worst Movies
  2. 10 Favorite Songs