Horror Novel Review: The Lifeguard by Richie Tankersley Cusick

Posted on October 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I read 1988’s The Lifeguard earlier today. It’s a fast read, which is always a good thing.

The book tells the story of teenage Kelsey, whose father has just died and whose mother is already getting ready to marry her new boyfriend, Eric. Personally, I think mom is moving a bit too fast but then again, Eric’s rich and he invites Kelsey and her mom to spend the summer on Beverly Island. Kelsey makes new friends. She meets the people who might soon become her stepsiblings. She develops a crush on two of her potential stepbrothers, shy Justin and the intimidating Neale. And she gets involved in a potential murder when Beth, yet another of Eric’s children, disappears. Did Beth drown or did she fall victim to the killer of Beverly Island?

This book was so silly. Can Kelsey solve the mystery? Even more importantly, can Kelsey decide which one of her future stepsibilings she wants to date? Justin seems nice but Neal is so dark and mysterious. Can Kelsey figure out why the mysterious old man keeps yelling at her? Could he be the killer? He seems like kind of an obvious choice but Kesley might as well go ahead and break into his boat just to be sure….

Apparently, this book is considered to be a bit of a cult classic, solely because of the cover. And the cover is pretty cool. The book itself is nothing special but I probably would have appreciated it more if I hadn’t already read countless old school YA books with the exact same plot. I can only guess the R.L. Stine read The Lifeguard at some point.

This book also wins some points from me for having a ludicrously “happy” ending. Everything works out even though, to be honest, nothing should have worked out. Kelsey should have been traumatized for life and whatever plans her mom had to marry Eric should definitely have been cancelled! Seriously, there’s some things that not even the best of relationships can survive! That said, the ending was so over-the-top and — here’s that word again — silly, that I couldn’t help but appreciate it.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.3 “Killshot”

Posted on October 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, another friend of Crockett’s is in trouble!

Episode 3.3 “Killshot”

(Dir by Leon Ichaso, originally aired on October 10th, 1986)

Crockett and Tubbs are working undercover as Burnett and Cooper to take down drug lord Morales (Roger Pretto). Morales is one of the most powerful drug lords in Miami but he’s still not connected enough to know that Burnett and Cooper are undercover cops. I know that I bring this up nearly every time I write about this show but it just baffles me that Crockett and Tubbs are somehow still able to maintain their covers despite the fact that those covers have gotten blown in numerous episodes and Crockett makes no effort to act any differently when he’s pretending to be Burnett. At least Tubbs uses his fake Jamaican accent whenever he’s pretending to be Cooper. Crockett doesn’t even bother to change his suit before pretending to be Burnett.

That said, they’ve somehow managed to keep Morales from discovering that they’re cops. So, Morales instead focuses on manipulating a customs agent, Frank Ariolla (Carlos Cestero). Frank’s brother, Tico (Fernando Allende) is an up-and-coming jai alai player. (That’s the sport, prominently featured in Miami Vice‘s opening credits, in which the players use a wicker to both catch and launch a ball.) However, Tico also has a raging cocaine problem. In fact, the drug often leaves him impotent. When a prostitute suggests that Tico might not be attracted tp women, Tico goes crazy and blacks out. When he wakes up, the prostitute appears to be dead and madam Isabel Batista (Maria Duval) says she’ll protect Tico for a price. Frank has to work as a double agent or Isabel and Morales will send a tape of Tico attacking the prostitute to the police.

(For the record, the prostitute was only pretending to be dead as a part of a plot to frame Tico. But then Isabel had her killed for real.)

Trying to protect his brother, Frank agrees to work for Morales. But when a guilt-stricken Tico makes a mistake during a match that leads to him getting killed when he’s stuck in the head by the ja alai ball, will Crockett and Tubbs be able to stop Frank from taking his own violent vengeance on both Morales and Isabel? As you probably already guessed, this is yet another Miami Vice episode the ends with a freeze frame and an off-screen gunshot as Crockett yells, “No!”

If there’s one thing that has stayed consistent over the first three seasons of Miami Vice, it’s that it does not pay to be a friend of Sonny’s. From Jimmy Smits getting blown up in the pilot to Ira Stone dying last week to Frank throwing his life away to avenge his brother in this week’s episode, anyone who has ever been close to Crockett seems to end up having terrible luck. I’m stunned that Tubbs has managed to survive for as long as he has.

As for this episode, Crockett and Tubbs both seemed to be sidelined in favor of the story of Frank and Tico. It’s always weird when Crockett and Tubbs become supporting characters on their own show. Carlos Cestero and Maria Duval both gave good performances, which is good because it helps to distract from the fact that Morales is a fairly dull villain and Tico is not a particularly compelling character. For the most part, this episode works best as a commercial for ja alai, which looks a hundred times more exciting than most sports. Certainly, its fast action and the constant danger of sudden death makes it the ideal sport for Miami.

October True Crime: Killer’s Delight (dir by Jeremy Hoenack)

Posted on October 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1978 film, Killer’s Delight, opens with the usual beautiful shots of San Francisco in the 70s. It’s a lovely city, full of attractive people with their entire lives ahead of them. The camera lingers on the Golden Gate Bridge. If your movie doesn’t feature the Golden Gate Bridge, is it really set in San Francisco?

A van drives through the city and into the countryside. My first instinct was to think, “Oh, that’s definitely a rape van,” and yes, it is. (Seriously, don’t ever accept a ride from someone with a van. Actually, you shouldn’t be hitchhiking to begin with! Shame on you!) The owner of the van, Danny (John Karlen), pulls over to the side of the road and tosses a naked woman’s body over the side of a cliff.

AGCK!

Now, I have to admit that Killer’s Delight (which is known by about a dozen other titles, including The Dark Ride) is a film that I’ve tried to watch several times but I’ve always struggled to make it all the way through. That’s not because of the subject matter, though as a woman who once thought of herself as being invincible, I could certainly relate to many of the women who appeared in this film and made the fatal mistake of getting in that van. No, the reason why I’ve always struggled with Killer’s Delight is because it’s a slow movie. It’s not necessarily a bad film but it’s not one to watch if your eyelids are already starting to feel heavy.

This is an early serial killer film, made before it was decided that every killer should be portrayed as being an erudite and witty anti-hero. Instead, the film’s killer is a loser named Danny (John Karlen) who has never gotten over his childhood and who, when he’s not killing, is busy sobbing. It’s certainly a more realistic portrayal of a serial killer than anything that one might find in any of the films or books about Hannibal Lecter. Danny has two skills. He’s good at disguising himself and he’s fairly good at getting rid of bodies whenever there’s no one else around to see him. Otherwise, he’s a total loser. This realistic portrayal actually makes Danny into a very scary character. You’re never going to meet Hannibal Lecter in real life. That’s one reason why it’s so easy for some people to accept his crimes. However, there are hundreds of people just like Danny out there. There’s probably at least a few in your city right now.

The majority of the film is taken up with Sgt. Vince De Carlo (James Luisi) and his attempts to prove that Danny is the killer. Vince is married and very protective of his daughters. He’s also having an affair with a psychiatrist (Susan Sullivan) who runs the potential of becoming one of Danny’s victims. Vince becomes obsessed with Danny but, much like Charles Bronson in Ten To Midnight, he knows that the justice system does not know what to do with a monster like Danny.

As I said, it’s a slow film but it is well-acted and, if you stick with it, it does cast an ever-growing atmosphere of doom. It’s the type of film that will make you double-check the locks before you go to bed.

As for why this is a true crime film, it’s loosely based on the crimes of Edmund Kemper and Ted Bundy. At the time the film was made, Bundy was still at large. Killer’s Delight was the first film to be based on Bundy’s crimes, though Danny ultimately has more in common with Kemper than with Bundy.

Horror Film Review: Godzilla vs SpaceGodzilla (dir by Kensho Yamashita)

Posted on October 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Poor Godzilla!

At the start of 1994’s Godzilla vs. Spacegodzilla, our favorite big green radioactive monster isn’t asking for much. Mostly, he just wants to live on his island and be left alone. He’s busy raising Baby Godzilla and he’s minding his own business. That’s one thing that people tend to forget when it comes to Godzilla. With the exception of the very early films, Godzilla is usually just minding his own business until he’s forced to go on a rampage by either aliens or humans. In this film, Godzilla has to deal with both.

There’s a SpaceGodzilla heading towards the Earth. Apparently, Godzilla cells were released into space during the epic battles that were featured in both Godzilla vs. Biollante and Godzilla vs Mothra. Those cells were exposed to the radiation of a black hole and the end result was SpaceGodzilla. SpaceGodzilla is coming to Earth to not only dethrone Godzilla as King of the Monsters but also to transform Earth’s core into a power source that it can use to do whatever it is that SpaceGodzillas do in their spare time.

After being warned by those two annoying little faeries that follow Mothra around everywhere, psychic Miki Saegusa (Megumi Okada) and some members of G-Force head to the island that Godzilla calls home. Unfortunately, the Yakuza follows them because the want to capture Miki so that they can use her psychic powers to control Godzilla and use him to …. well, I don’t know. I mean, yes, Godzilla is an awesome weapon but he’s really big and there’s always a lot of collateral damage whenever he gets into a fight and it seems like using him to commit any sort of Yakuza-style crimes would be a bit counter-productive. I mean, you can’t really extort businesses if they all get destroyed by Godzilla, can you? Plus, I just don’t see Godzilla agreeing to chop off the tip of his finger or get all of those Yakuza tattoos.

But listen, I’m thinking too hard about the plot here. Yes, there’s some stuff that goes on with the humans but that’s all forgotten as soon as SpaceGodzilla lands and abducts Baby Godzilla. Grown-up Godzilla is out for vengeance and it leads to some very dramatic fights. This film gives us a chance to see Godzilla fight, more or less, himself and it’s an entertaining sight. This is a bit of a campy film, even by Godzilla standards. It even ends with a warning that SpaceGodzilla might return if human don’t stop polluting space. (Uhmm …. talk to Mothra, she’s the one who sent all those cells up there.) But the important thing is that the battles are fun to watch and Baby Godzilla is adorable.

Who needs the Son of Godzilla when you’ve got this?

Previous Godzilla Reviews:

Horror on the Lens: Trilogy of Terror (dir by Dan Curtis)

Posted on October 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For today’s horror on the Lens we have a made-for-TV movie that was produced and directed by Dan Curtis.

Trilogy of Terror, which aired in 1975, is an anthology film, featuring three segments that were each based on a short story from Richard Matheson. What makes this particular film special is that each segment features Karen Black playing a radically different character from the previous segment. The film really is a showcase for this underrated actress, though Black herself later said that the film ruined her career because it typecast her as a horror actress.

The third segment is the one that gets all the attention. That’s the one with the killer doll. I like all of the segments, though. The first one is often considered to be the weakest but anyone who has ever been through a similar situation will appreciate it as tale of revenge. The second segment has a playful vibe that I liked. And yes, the third segment is genuinely frightening.

From 1975, here is Trilogy of Terror:

Horror Song of the Day: Something Wicked This Way Comes by Barry Adamson

Posted on October 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s song of the day is Something Wicked This Way Comes, by Barry Adamson.

This instrumental work appeared on the soundtrack for David Lynch’s 1997 film, Lost Highway, and its one of my favorite pieces of music. It’s amongst the songs that I tend to play whenever I’m dealing with writer’s block or if I just need an extra boost of energy to finish up a project. This song also seems like the perfect way to kick off the second half of October and our annual horrorthon!

I also have to say that the video below, which was put together by Jessie Essex, is amazingly cool.

October Positivity: Pardoned By Grace (dir by Kevan Otto)

Posted on October 13, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Wait, what’s this?

A sincere and heartfelt faith-based film that works largely due to a sensitive and likable performance from Joey Lawrence?

Well, stranger things have happened.

2022’s Pardoned By Grace tells the story of Scott Highberger (portrayed by Joey Lawrence). Scott is a screw-up. From the first time we see him until roughly until about an hour into this film, Scott is always doing something wrong. He starts out the film as a small town drug addict and dealer and, throughout the course of Pardoned By Grace, he is consistently tempted to retuning to that lifestyle. He’s someone who has spent his entire life being told that he’s never going to amount to anything and that he’s destined to be a failure so it kind of makes sense that he wouldn’t be worried too much about following the laws of conventional society.

The film follows Scott as he goes in and out of prison. The warden, the guards, and even the other prisoners all know that Scott is capable of being more than just a convict but Scott himself cannot find the faith to keep from getting into trouble. Whenever he’s released, he messes up and he’s sent back to jail. At one point, he even gets a good job and he starts making a lot of money and that’s all it takes for him to start using cocaine again.

Finally, after having alienated every member of his family and committed one too many crimes, Scott finds himself in a church, where he listens to a sermon from Pastor Dave (Michael W. Smith). Dave instinctively hires Scott to handle odd jobs at the church. While Scott cleans up the place and stacks chair and tries to live an honest life, Dave makes plans for his prison ministry. Scott is excited when he’s invited to take part in the ministry but then he learns that he won’t be allowed to enter any prisons to preach because he still has a years-old warrant out for his arrest. Scott heads to Florida, where he turns himself into the police, even though he knows that, as a repeat offender, he is looking at a potential life sentence as a result.

Pardoned by Grace works surprisingly well. Joey Lawrence is not exactly the first person who comes to mind when you think of an actor with tremendous dramatic range but he is still likable and earnest as Scott, a man who is determined to atone for his past mistakes and to take responsibility for his actions, even if it means losing his freedom. If anything, Lawrence’s limited range actually makes him a good pick for Scott, who is initially portrayed as being someone who does whatever he feels has to be done in the moment with very little consideration given to what his actions could mean in the future. As well, one doesn’t have to be religious to appreciate the film’s portrait of a justice system that is so obsessed with punishment that it’s forgotten that one of the purposes of prison is rehabilitation. Scott is not someone who wants to be a criminal but it’s not prison that helps him to move on from his old ways. Instead, it’s the faith of someone who is willing to give him a second chance.

Pardoned by Grace was surprisingly good.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 3.12 “Taking Off: Part Two”

Posted on October 13, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989! The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, Degrassi goes there again!

Episode 3.12 “Taking Off: Part Two”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on February 20th, 1989)

When last we checked in with the students at Degrassi Junior High, Shane was missing and Wheels, having been sexually assaulted by a man who picked him up while he was hitchhiking, was walking towards Port Hope in search of his biological father.

Shane is discovered underneath a bridge. As the police tell his friend Luke, it appears that Shane either jumped or he fell. Shane is alive, but he’s in a coma and there’s no guarantee that he’s going to survive. When asked whether or not Shane had done any drugs at the Gourmet Scum concert, Luke finally admits that Shane did drop acid right before the show began.

As for Wheels, he manages to make it to Port Hope and he even finds the cheap hotel where his father, Mike (Dave James), is playing with his band. Wheels imagines knocking on the hotel room door and his father happily greeting him and inviting him to join the band. Instead, when Wheels knocks on the door, Mike is shocked and not particularly happy to see him. Though Mike forces Wheels to call his grandmother and let her know that he’s okay, Mike does agree to let Wheels spend the day at the hotel. Mike then promptly abandons Wheels.

When Mike eventually returns, a few things become obvious.

First off, Mike didn’t even know that Wheels’s adoptive parents had died.

Secondly, Mike doesn’t want anything to do with his biological son.

Third, Mike’s new girlfriend is pregnant and, as she explains it, they can’t afford to have Wheels around.

I mean, goddamn! Poor Wheels! First, he gets sexually assaulted while hitchhiking. Then, his father rejects him. Wheels, after yelling at his father for abandoning him, is prepared to run away again but suddenly, his grandmother shows up. She was finally able to convince Joey to tell her where Wheels had run of to and she shows up to take him home. Wheels is adamant that he’s going to run away again but when his grandmother starts to cry and calls him out for being a “selfish, selfish boy,” Wheels reconsiders.

At the end of the episode, Shane is still in his coma and it’s still up in the air whether he accidentally fell or if he was trying to commit suicide when he plunged from that bridge. Wheels, however, returns to school and is greeted by Joey and Snake. Joey apologizes for telling Wheels’s grandmother about Port Hope but Wheels says it’s okay. He’s ready to give school another try. Everyone smiles as the end credits roll on a well-acted and classic episode of Degrassi Junior High.

YAY! It’s a happy ending, as long as you haven’t seen Degrassi: The Next Generation. If you have seen The Next Generation, you know that Wheels has alcoholism and prison in his future. And, for that matter, Shane is going to end up spending the rest of his life in an institution. So, it’s not really that happy of an ending.

But it’s very much a Degrassi ending.

Horror on TV: One Step Beyond 2.7 “The Open Window” (dir by John Newland)

Posted on October 13, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

If tonight’s episode of One Step Beyond seems familiar, that’s because it’s a remake of a story that was originally filmed as an episode of The Veil.

This time, instead of witnessing a murder occurring in another apartment, it’s a suicide that is witnessed by artist Anthony March (Michael Higgins). Of course, when he investigates, he discovers that the apartment in empty. Is Anthony hallucinating or has he gone one step beyond and is he seeing the future? Watch to find out!

By the way, that’s future Oscar winner Louise Fletcher playing Anthony’s model.

This originally aired on November 3rd, 1959.

Enjoy!

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life on the Street 1.2 “Ghost of a Chance”

Posted on October 13, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC! It can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, the search for Adeena Watson’s murderer begins.

Episode 1.2 “Ghost of a Chance”

(Dir by Martin Campbell, originally aired on February 3rd, 1993)

There’s been a murder in Baltimore. That, in itself, is not news. The pilot firmly established that murder is a fact of life in Baltimore. But, the victim of this crime is an 11 year-old girl named Adeena Watson, who left her home to go to the library and who never returned. The press is covering every detail. The police brass want an arrest and they want an arrest quickly. And the primary detective on the case is rookie Tim Bayliss, who has never even worked a murder case on his own before. Giardello refuses to replace Bayliss but he also makes it clear that he needs Bayliss to bring him something.

As for Bayliss, he spends most of this episode struggling. Not only does he not have the respect of his fellow detective but he also, as a rookie, doesn’t even have a desk until Giardello, in a fit of anger, knocks everything off an unoccupied desk and awards it to Bayliss. (So, was that desk just sitting there the whole time? I thought they didn’t have any available desks.) Because this crime is what is known as a “red ball,” (i.e., a murder that has attracted the attention of the media and the public), every detective is looking for Adeena’s murderer. While Bayliss obsesses on who Adeena was before she was killed, the rest of the squad does the practical things, like talking to neighbors and bringing in all of the city’s sex offenders for interrogation.

My heart broke for Bayliss while watching this episode. Kyle Secor did a good job of capturing both Bayliss’s outrage over the crime and his fear of failing to solve his first case as a primary. While Bayliss stared at Adeena’s body in the alley, Munch, Lewis, and Crosetti debated sports. And while their attitude may have seemed callous, this episode established that disconnecting is the only way to handle working Homicide. Bayliss, having not learned how to disconnect, grows more and more obsessed with Adeena. I cheered a little when Bayliss finally stood up for himself and even won the grudging respect of Frank Pembleton. That said, the change in Bayliss happened almost too quickly to be credible. Apparently, all it took was for Giardello to give him a desk for Bayliss to go from being meek and overwhelmed to being a confident and take-charge detective.

While Bayliss searched for Adeena’s killer, Much and Bolander dealt with a murder that happened in a wealthy neighborhood. The killer (Gwen Verdon) was a wife who snapped after 60 years of marriage. As she explained to Bolander and Munch, she and her husband had earlier promised each other that they wouldn’t get a divorce until the children died. Bolander has a crush on the coroner, Dr. Blythe (Wendy Hughes), but he’s worried about getting back in the dating game after his own divorce. When Munch asks Bolander how old he is, Bolander replies, “48.” Ned Beatty was a great actor and I’ve never seen a bad Ned Beatty performance. That said, it’s also hard for me to think of any film where he looked a day under 50.

Meanwhile, Kay tries to get a confession from a guy who is about to go on trial for murder. Felton laughs when Kay says that she was visited by the ghost of the guy’s victim. However, Felton makes up for being a jerk by helping Kay find the murder weapon. This whole subplot was odd to me, largely because Kay really doesn’t come across as the type to believe in ghosts. But whatever works, I guess! Melissa Leo and Daniel Baldwin did a good job in this episode, selling a storyline that had the potential to be a little bit too cute for its own good.

As the episode ended, the killer of Adeena Watson had yet to be captured. While the other detective drank at a wharf bar, Bayliss went to Adeena’s memorial service and stared at her coffin, haunted. It was a powerful moment but one that left the viewer worried about Bayliss’s sanity. Earlier in this episode, Pembleton said that a murder that goes 72 hours without being solved will never be solved. Bayliss is running out of time.