Icarus File No. 20: Tough Guys Don’t Dance (dir by Norman Mailer)

Posted on March 21, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1987 film, Tough Guys Don’t Dance, opens with Tim Madden (Ryan O’Neal) talking to his father, tough Dougy (Lawrence Tierney). Dougy has stopped by Tim’s New England home to let Tim know that he has decided stop chemotherapy and accept his eventual death from cancer because, as Dougy puts it, “Tough guys don’t dance.” The tone of Dougy’s voice is all we need to hear to know that, in his opinion, his son has spent way too much time dancing.

Tim is an ex-convict turned writer and, when we first see him, he’s obviously had a few rough nights. He explains to Dougy that he woke up after a bender with his ex-girlfriend’s name tattooed on his arm, blood all over his jeep, and two heads dumped in his marijuana stash. Tim says that he’s hopeful that he’s not the murderer but he can’t be sure. He’s been drinking and doping too much. He suffers from blackouts. He’s not sure what happened.

The majority of the film is made up of flashbacks, detailing Tim’s affairs with a number of women and also his odd relationship with the town’s police chief, Luther Regency (Wings Hauser). Luther is married to Tim’s ex-girlfriend, Madeleine (Isabella Rossellini), who long ago accompanied Tim on a trip to North Carolina where they hooked up with a fundamentalist preacher (Penn Jillette) and his then-wife, Patty Lariene (Debra Sundland). (Tim found their personal ad while casually skimming the latest issue of Screw, as one does I suppose.) Patty Lariene eventually ended up married to Tim, though she has recently left him. As for Madeleine, she has never forgiven him for a car accident that they were involved in. Is Tim capable of loving anyone? Well, he does say, “Oh God, oh man,” repeatedly when he discovers that his wife has been having an affair.

Tim tries to solve the murders himself, finding that they involve not only him and Luther but also Tim’s old prep school friend, Wardley Meeks III (John Bedford Lloyd) and also some rather stupid drug dealers that Tim hangs out with. The plot is almost ludicrously convoluted and it’s tempting to assume that the film is meant to be a parody of the noir genre but then you remember that the film is not only based on a Norman Mailer movie but that it was directed by Mailer himself. Mailer, who was the type of public intellectual who we really don’t have anymore, was blessed with a brilliant mind and cursed with a lack of self-awareness. There’s little doubt that we are meant to take this entire mess of a film very seriously.

And the film’s theme isn’t hard to pick up on. By investigating the murders, Tim faces his own troubled past and finally comes to understand why tough guys, like his father, don’t hesitate to take action. Tough guys don’t dance around what they want or need. That’s a pretty common theme when it comes to Mailer. Tim Madden is not quite an autobiographical character but he is, by the end of the story, meant to represent the type of hard-living intellectual that Mailer always presented himself as being. Unfortunately, Ryan O’Neal wasn’t exactly an actor who projected a good deal of intelligence. And, despite his lengthy criminal record off-screen, O’Neal’s screen presence was somewhat docile. That served him well in films like Love Story and Barry Lyndon. It serves him less well in a film like this. It’s easy to imagine O’Neal’s Tim getting manipulated and, in those scenes where he’s supposed to be a chump, O’Neal is credible enough in the role. It’s far more difficult to buy the idea of Tim actually doing something about it.

Indeed, it’s hard not to feel that co-star Wings Hauser would have been far more credible in the lead role. But then, who would play Luther Regency? Hauser gives such a wonderfully unhinged and out-there performance as Luther that it’s impossible to imagine anyone else in the role. Maybe Hauser could have played both Tim and Luther. Now that would have made for a classic film!

Tough Guys Don’t Dance is weird enough to be watchable. The dialogue is both raunchy and thoroughly humorless, which makes it interesting to listen to, if nothing else. The moments that are meant to be funny are so obvious (like casting noted atheist Penn Jillette as a fundamentalist) that it’s obvious that the moment that feel like clever satire were actually all a happy accident. As far as Norman Mailer films go, this one is not as boring as Wild 90 but it also can’t match the unhinged lunacy of a frustrated Rip Torn spontaneously attacking Mailer with a hammer at the end of the unscripted Maidstone. It’s a success d’estime. Mailer flew too close to the sun but the crash into the ocean was oddly entertaining.

Previous Icarus Files:

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.16 “The Count”

Posted on March 21, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988. The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

It’s time to go under the knife in Boston.

Episode 1.16 “The Count”

(Dir by Kevin Hooks, originally aired March 8th, 1983)

Harold Beaumont (Michael Halsey), an adult film actor better known as The Count, has checked into St. Eligius. Of course, Dr. Samuels immediately recognizes him because Samuels is obsessed with porn. Dr. Annie Cavanero does not recognize him but, once she learns what he does for a living, she has to tell him that she finds his work to be offensive because Dr. Cavanero’s entire personality pretty much revolves around getting offended by stuff.

It’s not much of a plot. There’s a process server (William G. Schilling) who wants to serve the Count with a courts summons so Samuels and Cavanero help the Count hide and disguise his identity. It’s silly and dumb story that involves the two of the least likable members of the show’s regular cast.

Meanwhile, Dr. Wendy Armstrong (Kim Miyori) comes to suspect that one of the hospital’s heart surgeons, Dr. Larry Andrews (Peter Michael Goetz), is giving pacemakers to people who don’t actually need them. She takes her concerns to Dr. Craig. Craig, an old friend of Dr. Andrews, is initially dismissive but he later confronts Dr. Andrews and finds out that Armstrong was correct. Dr. Andrews explains that it takes a lot of money to fund his lifestyle. This story was an improvement over the Count but it perhaps would have had more power if it had been someone like Dr. Ehrlich who suspected that Dr. Andrews was giving people pacemakers that they don’t need. Ehrlich actually has a complicated relationship with Dr. Craig and his own less-than-stellar record as a resident would have added some ambiguity to storyline. Dr. Armstrong, on the other hand, has been portrayed as being hypercompetent and a bit self-righteous and, if we’re going to be honest, she’s kind of a boring character.

Speaking of Dr. Ehrlich, he is getting fed up with living with Fiscus. Howie Mandel is driving someone crazy? Who could have seen that coming?

This week’s episode was pretty forgettable. The story involving Dr. Andrews had potential but choosing to make the show’s least interesting characters the center of an entire episode was a decision that really didn’t pay off.

Music Video of the Day: Make You Mad by Autumn Eve (2025, dir by Autumn Eve and Ben Cooper)

Posted on March 21, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This powerful song and video deals with domestic violence and the survivor within us all.

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway to Heaven 3.17 “A Night To Remember”

Posted on March 20, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Jonathan and Mark go back to high school, just in time for prom! I went to four proms over the course of my high school years and I loved every one of them. There is no greater American tradition!

Episode 3.17 “A Night To Remember”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on January 28th, 1987)

It’s time for the prom!

Danny (Mitchell Anderson) wants to ask out Melanie (Kimberly MacArthur) but can’t bring himself to do it because he’s feeling insecure about the fact that his father lost his engineering job and is now working at a gas station. Danny makes extra money working at the local pizza joint but he loses his job when he throws a punch at bully Richard Davies (J. Eddie Peck, future star of Lambada).

Sammy (Joel Hoffman) wants to ask his lifelong friend, Kate (Susan Savage). But Sammy feels insecure because he’s short. When he tries to buy lifts to make himself taller, Richard calls him out right when he’s about to ask out Kate. Sammy is an aspiring stand-up comedian and he’s on the verge of dropping out of school all together. “I can be a comedian or a teenager but I can’t be both!”

Don’t worry, though. Jonathan is their new social studies teacher. And Mark is the coach of the girl’s volleyball team because every assignment is designed, in some way, to humiliate Mark. In this case, Mark takes a volleyball to the nose and spends the entire episode worrying that it’s broken. Mark really can’t catch a break (heh) on this show. He has to drive everywhere. He’s usually the one who has to do all of the hard physical work while Jonathan just appears wherever he wants. Unfortunately, there doesn’t appear to be a union for human angel helpers but then again, it’s not like Mark ever seems to get paid for all of his hard work.

Anyway, the stakes aren’t particularly high in this episode. Both Danny and Sammy eventually find the courage to ask their dates to the prom, though Danny doesn’t do it until he’s actually at the prom. And both of them take some time to tell off Richard. “Still wearing your mother’s underwear?” Sammy asks and Richard turns a dark shade of red as if Sammy has accidentally guessed his greatest secret.

I actually always like these episodes where Jonathan and Mark become teachers. They’re not as depressing as the ones where they end up working at a shelter or a retirement home. This episode was just about giving the students the best prom ever and that’s okay. Not everything needs to be a huge drama! Sometimes, you just need a night to remember.

Icarus File No. 19: American Traitor: The Trial of Axis Sally (dir by Michael Polish)

Posted on March 20, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

First released in 2021, American Traitor: The Trial of Axis Sally tells the story of Mildred Gillars, an American women who worked as propagandists for The Third Reich. Gillars would broadcast on German-radio, her show mixing music with propaganda messages that were meant to be heard by American and British soldiers in Europe. Gillars would talk about how wonderfully the war was going for Germany. She would tell the Americans that their mothers, sisters, and sweethearts were waiting for them back in the United States. She was one of the many female Nazi propagandists to be nicknamed “Axis Sally.”

(Interestingly enough, her broadcasts did gather a bit of cult following amongst U.S. personnel in Europe. Even though she was a propagandist, she played music and she also occasionally let slip the location of the German army. As the war progressed, her programs took on a “so bad it’s good” quality as she continued to insist that the Germans were still winning when they clearly weren’t.)

Mildred was arrested after the war ended and charged with treason against the United States. The prosecution claimed that Mildred was a committed Nazi who turned against her home country. Mildred and her defense attorneys claimed that Mildred only stayed in Germany because her boyfriend was there and that Mildred was largely apolitical. They also argued that Mildred would have been sent to a concentration camp if she had refused to do the broadcasts. Mildred Gillars became the first American woman to be convicted of treason. She lost her American citizenship, received a hefty fine, and spent 13 years in prison. Reportedly, she never showed much in the way of regret over being a Nazi propagandist.

It’s an interesting story but you wouldn’t know that from American Traitor, which is largely a vanity project. Meadow Williams not only plays Mildred Gillars but she also served as a producer on the film. Williams is the widow of vitamin tycoon Gerald Kessler. When Kessler died, he left his $800 million dollar fortune to Williams and, reportedly, a bit of that inheritance was used to fund this film. That perhaps explains why a name actor like Al Pacino shows up in the role of Gillars’s defense attorney. Pacino barks his lines with authority and manages to give a credible performance, even though he’s stuck wearing a ridiculous wig. There is absolutely nothing about Williams’s performance that suggests the type of charisma that Mildred Gillars would have needed to become an effective propagandist. She gives a blank-faced and blank-voiced performance, one that might be meant to seem enigmatic but which is instead just boring.

And really, that’s the best way to describe the film. It’s dull. The dialogue is dull. The performances, other than Al Pacino, are dull. Even the film’s visuals are dull. The film has little to say about propaganda, war, guilt, or innocence. It’s a vanity project turned Icarus file.

Previous Icarus Files:

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 2.6 “Dancing Fools”

Posted on March 20, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

Eh, this show. I’m never looking forward to having to watch this show.

Episode 2.6 “Dancing Fools”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 13th, 1999)

Here’s how the imdb describes the plot of this week’s episode of Malibu, CA:

Lisa receives a gift (a human skeleton!) from a secret admirer. Scott finds out that Murray is the one who sent it to her. Lisa needs an additional $1800 for tuition. Jason tells her about the swing dance contest at the Malibu Country Club with a prize of $2000. When she finds out Murray and family are all members, she gets him to be her partner for the contest.

Wow, that sounds stupid! In fact, it sounds so stupid that I’m relieved that it’s one of the few episodes of this show that has not been uploaded to YouTube. I’ll keep this post here as a placekeeper in case I ever do get to see the episode but I’m not really planning on spending a lot of time looking for it, to be absolutely honest. I’ve seen enough Peter Engel-produced sitcoms that I can imagine how this went. Murray has a crush. Lisa (the character, not me!) is dismissive until he dances with her at the Country Club and then she realizes that he actually is a great guy. “Awwwwww!” the audience says.

In my imagination, it was a great episode!

March True Crime: The Hunt For The Unicorn Killer (dir by William A. Graham)

Posted on March 20, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Who started Earth Day?

There are a lot of names that get mentioned. Some people give all the credit to U.S. Senator Gaylord Nelson of Wisconsin, who was an environmentalist before it was trendy and who proposed a day-long “teach-in” in 1970. (According to Norman Mailer, Hunter Thompson, and Gary Hart, Gaylord Nelson was also George McGovern’s personal pick for his running mate in 1972 but ultimately, Nelson didn’t get the spot because it was felt people would make fun of his first name. Considering how things went with Thomas Eagleton, one imagines that McGovern probably ended up wishing he had the courage to go with his first instinct.) A peace activist named John McConnell also proposed the idea of an Earth Day in 1969 but there’s some debate whether his proposed Earth Day became the actual Earth Day. Like all things, many people have taken credit for the idea behind Earth Day.

Ira Einhorn was one of those people. A prominent member of Pennsylvania’s counter-culture, Einhorn was a self-styled New Age environmentalist and he did speak at the first Earth Day event in Philadelphia. Einhorn went on to become a prominent guru, providing his services to several corporations that were looking to shake off their stodgy image. He led protests against nuclear energy. He wrote articles about CIA duplicity. He was, for a while, a popular figure and, due to his last name, he was nicknamed “The Unicorn.” He always claimed that he was instrumental in starting Earth Day but the organizers behind the event have always been quick to say that he had little do with it.

It’s understandable that the people behind Earth Day would rather not be associated with Ira Einhorn. Einhorn presented himself as being a quirky, fun-loving hippie but, in private, he was known for having both a violent temper and a misogynistic streak. In 1977, Einhorn’s ex-girlfriend, Texas-born Holly Maddux, disappeared. In 1979, her mummified remains were found in a box that Einhorn kept in his closet. Arrested for her murder and defended in court by future U.S. Sen. Arlen Specter, Einhorn claimed that he was innocent and that he had no idea how Holly Maddux ended up in his closet. (He suggested the CIA might be responsible.) With the help of his wealthy friends, Einhorn fled the United States and ended up in Europe. He lived in Europe for nearly 20 years until he was finally arrested in France. Einhorn’s claim that he was being framed for his anti-nuclear advocacy found a sympathetic audience amongst certain members of the French intellectual community. Eventually, though, Ira Einhorn was extradited to Pennsylvania. He spent the rest of his life in prison, eventually dying in 2020. To the end, he had his supporters despite the fact that he was clearly guilty.

Made for television in 1999, The Hunt For The Unicorn Killer tells the story of Ira (Kevin Anderson), Holly (a pre-Mulholland Drive Naomi Watts), and Holly’s father, Fred (Tom Skerritt). It does a good job of telling the disturbing story of Ira Einhorn and it features good performances from its main stars. Tom Skerritt especially does a good job as a father determined to get justice for his daughter. The film shows how so many of Ira’s friends rationalized his actions, not wanting to admit that their nostalgia for the 60s and the counterculture was blinding them to the monster in their midst. It’s a portrait of how one evil man was able to take advantage of the idealism of others.

The Hunt For The Unicorn Killer‘s original running time was 163 minutes and it was aired over two nights. It was later edited down to 90 minutes for syndication. The uncut version is available on YouTube and that’s definitely the one to see.

Guilty Pleasure No. 78: Armageddon (dir by Michael Bay)

Posted on March 20, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Remember that time that Bruce Willis and a team of oil drillers saved all of humanity from a giant asteroid that was apparently the size of Texas?

Sure, you do! Everyone remembers Armageddon!

1998’s Armageddon is a film that doesn’t get a lot of respect but which everyone remembers. There’s been a lot of movies made about giant asteroids on a collision path with the Earth. Ever since scientists announced that a collision with a comet or an asteroid probably killed the dinosaurs, there’s been a somewhat irrational fear that the same thing could happen to us. Back in 1978, Sean Connery and Karl Malden tried to stop a Meteor (and failed). In 1998, the same year that Armageddon came out, Morgan Freeman, Robert Duvall, and Elijah Wood tried to stop an asteroid from causing a Deep Impact (and failed). Adam McKay made an entire film about everyone saying, “Don’t Look Up,” in an attempt to promote increased panic about climate change (and failed). (“I’m so scared!” Leonardo DiCaprio shouted and audiences responded, “Oh, calm down.”) And yet, it’s Armageddon — ridiculed by critics, endlessly parodied by other movies — that people use as their go-to source for commenting on the prospect of a mass extinction event. Mostly because, in Armageddon, humanity didn’t fail. Bruce Willis showed that asteroid who was boss!

Why do we love Armageddon? A lot of it has to do with the cast. Not only do you have Bruce Willis battling an asteroid but you’ve also got Steve Buscemi, Owen Wilson, Ben Affleck, Will Patton, Michael Clarke Duncan, Peter Stormare, William Fichtner, and a host of others working with him. You’ve got Billy Bob Thornton working ground control. You’ve got Liv Tyler, somehow managing to give a decent performance even while Ben Affleck attacks her with animal crackers. It’s not just the cast is full of familiar and likable actors. It’s that the members of the cast know exactly what type of film that they’re appearing in and they all give exactly the right type of performance for that film. They deliver their lines with conviction while not making the mistake of taking themselves too seriously. Bruce Willis announces that his crew will destroy that asteroid in return for never having to pay taxes again and he announces with just the slightest hint of a smirk, knowing that the audience is going to cheer that moment.

But really, the real reason why Armageddon has survived that test of time is because it’s just so utterly shameless. Director Michael Bay will never be accused of being a subtle director but Bay instinctively understood that Armageddon was not a film that demanded subtlety. Armageddon is a film that demands that constantly moving camera and all of those carefully composed scenes that were clearly made so they could be included in the trailer. It’s a film about big moments and big emotions. Unlike something like Deep Impact, it doesn’t get bogged down in trying to be better than it actually is. Unlike Don’t Look Now, it doesn’t degenerate into a bunch of histrionic speeches. Armageddon exists to make the audience cheer and it succeeds. It takes guts to include a slow motion scene of a bunch of kids celebrating in front of a faded Kennedy For President poster but Bay is exactly the type of director who can pull that off. Michael Bay’s style is not right for a lot of films. But it was perfect for Armageddon.

As I sit here typing this, there are some people panicking because there’s speculation that a meteor is going approach the Earth in the 2030s. It’ll probably miss us but who knows? But you know what? I’m not worried at all. I’ve seen Armageddon. So, on this International Earth Day, let’s remember the courageous men who saved this planet back in 1998.