Tag Archives: Retro Television Reviews

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 2.14 “Drama Center”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, things get depressing.

Episode 2.14 “Drama Center”

(Dir by David Anspaugh, originally aired on February 15th, 1984)

This week’s episode opens with a disturbing scene in which a woman, trying to get her car to start on a snowy night, is attacked and raped in the parking lot of St. Eligius.  The rapist is wearing a green jacket and a ski mask.

At first, I assumed that the rapist was a random lowlife, someone who would likely never be seen again.  But then Dr. Cavanero’s wealthy boyfriend tried to force himself on her and I was left wondering if maybe he would be revealed as the man in the ski mask.  However, towards the end of the episode, there was scene featuring Dr. Peter White.  Having been banned from working in the ER and from prescribing medicine, White is now working in the morgue and, needless to say, he spends this entire episode bitching about it.  As the episode ends, we see that Peter is holding a capsule in his hand, suggesting that he is once again abusing drugs.  However, I also noticed that Peter was wearing the same green jacket as the man in the ski mask!

This was a good episode, well-written and well-acted.  It was also pretty depressing.  Dr. Westphall brings his severely autistic, noncommunicative son Tommy (Chad Allen) to St. Eligius so that Dr. Ridley can examine him.  Dr. Ridley warns Westphall that Tommy is aggressive and that Westphall might not be able to continue to care for him at home, despite the fact that Westphall’s daughter (Dana Short) is planning on forgoing her dream college to stick around and help.  Westphall ends his day reading Tommy a book (“Your mom bought you this book.”) and breaking down into tears and it made me cry a little too.

Meanwhile, a TV crew followed around Dr. Craig for a documentary.  Needless to say, they got in the way and they got on Craig’s nerves.  The director was played by Michael Richards, who, of course, is best-known for playing Kramer on Seinfeld and then having a racist meltdown when he got heckled at a comedy club.   In an episode that was, emotionally, pretty dark, it was almost a relief to get some scenes of Dr. Craig losing his temper with the documentary crew.  As someone who knows William Daniels best as the kindly Mr. Feeney from countless Boy Meets World reruns, it’s been a real pleasure to Daniels as the prickly and arrogant Dr. Craig.  Dr. Craig wouldn’t have had much use for the Matthews clan and all of their drama.

This was an intense and sad episode.  It was St. Elsewhere at its most emotional.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 4.12 “With Love, The Claus”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

Merry Christmas!

Episode 4.12 “With Love, The Claus”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on December 23rd, 1987)

Jonathan and Mark find themselves working for a lawyer named Paul Burke (John Calvin).  It’s the Christmas season and they help Paul out by taking his son to Newman’s Department Store.  The kid wants to talk to Santa.  What the kid doesn’t know is that there are several Santas at Newman’s.  They work in shifts and they’re pretty cynical.  However, the newest Santa (Bill Erwin) takes his job very seriously because …. he is Santa!

So, why is Santa working at a department store instead of getting things ready up at the North Pole?  This episode never really explains.  Instead, we get Santa taking offense when he’s asked to help the store sell it’s latest toy.

Santa says that there’s no way he’s going to push machine guns.  He’s about peace and love!  His boss, Mr. Grinchley (Robert Casper), threatens to fire him.  Santa doesn’t react well to that.

Santa ends up unemployed and with nowhere to live.  Jonathan arranges for Paul to represent Santa in a lawsuit that Santa has filed against Newman’s Department Store.  The lead counsel for Newman’s just happens to Paul’s ex-wife, Donna (Wendie Malick).

You can probably guess where all this is going, right?  Santa eventually ends up in jail after the chairman of Newman’s files a lawsuit against him.  Santa says that he can’t stay in jail because Christmas Eve is approaching.  Maybe Santa should have thought about that earlier.

This episode owed a lot to one of my favorite Christmas movies, Miracle on 34th Street.  Of course, Miracle on 34th Street featured Edmund Gwenn, who gave a delightful performance as Santa.  This episode features Bill Erwin, who basically plays Santa as being a half-crazed grump who won’t stop complaining.  Seriously, this episode may feature the most unlikable Santa Claus this side of Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer.  I don’t know why Michael Landon directed Erwin to play Santa as if Santa was plotting to kill all of his enemies but it definitely wasn’t the right approach.

Seriously, Santa is really self-righteous in this episode.

I hate to criticize a Christmas episode and, as always, I’m sure that Michael Landon had the best and the sincerest of intentions.  But this episode just didn’t work for me.  Santa was too much of a jerk.

Retro Television Review: Decoy 1.2 “The Red Clown”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Decoy, which aired in Syndication in 1957 and 1958.  The show can be viewed on Tubi!

This episode, Casey searches for a man who has abandoned his daughter so he can pursue a career as a painter of clowns.

Episode 1.2 “The Red Clown”

(Dir by Teddy Sills, originally aired on October 21, 1957)

Mike Foley (John McLiam) has quit has job and left his New York home.  His wife (Barbara Barrie) suspects that Mike has returned to Greenwich Village so that he can pursue his dream of being a painter.  Normally, this wouldn’t be a police manner but Mike has also left behind his daughter, Bobby (Barbara Myers), and is facing charges of child abandonment unless he starts paying child support.  Policewoman Casey Jones (Beverly Garland) works undercover, pretending to be a bourgeois art collector who wants to buy one of Mike’s horrid clown paintings.

This episode featured some wonderful on-location footage of New York City in the 1950s.  The history nerd side of me loved that.  I have to admit, though, that I found myself wondering whether or not Casey is actually that good at her job.  Bobby managed to follow Casey all the way to Greenwich Village without Casey noticing.  When Casey did notice, she did the whole thing where she went to a phone booth and told Bobby, “Stay here while I make a call.”  Well, of course, Bobby didn’t stay there.  Bobby went running off to look for her father.

(Was Bobby’s mother not concerned that her daughter was basically wandering around the city?)

Of course, if Bobby hadn’t followed Casey to Greenwich Village, they never would have found Mike.  Mike, it turned out, was living in a shabby building and spending all of his time painting.  He was pursuing his dream.  When Bobby asked him to come home, Mike replied that he had no interest in his old life and that he didn’t want anything to do with his family.  Mike’s harsh words left Bobby in tears.  The episode ended with Bobby playing in a playground a few wees later, with Casey watching her and telling us, “I think she’ll be okay.”  Yeah, I don’t think so, Casey.

The episode was depressing!  But I have to give the show a lot of credit for not having Mike have a sudden change of heart.  The truth of the matter is that he left his family because he was self-centered.  He didn’t become any less self-centered when he was confronted by his daughter.  After listening to Mike’s self-serving crap, Bobby dropped the clown doll that she carried with her as she searched for Mike, saying that she didn’t like clowns anymore.  It’s a painful lesson and a sad one but at least Bobby now knows that truth about her father.  Other than that playground coda, this episode had the guts not to give into false hope.

Next week: Casey deals with an obscene phone caller!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & 10 1.8 “The Sins of the Quarterback”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, Bryce Smith finally takes the field!

Episode 1.8 “The Sins of the Quarterback”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on January 13th, 1985)

During a game against the — oh come on! — Atlanta Confederates, Bob Dorsey is sacked and knocked unconscious.  Ultra-religious backup quarterback Bryce Smith (Jeff East) is sent in to replace him.  Bryce throws an amazing pass across the entire field that is somewhat caught for a touchdown.  The Bulls win!

The defensive players celebrate by grabbing Bryce forcing liquor down his throat.  Bryce is a Mormon and a graduate of BYU.  Bryce gets drunk easily.  After the rest of the players leave the locker room, a barely coherent Bryce is  approached by cheerleader Tammy Baker (Pamela Jean Bryant) who says that she is God’s gift to him.  The scene ends rather abruptly, I assume because this episode was heavily edited for syndication.

A week later, an excited Tammy approaches Bryce at a roast honoring the team.  She tells him that she’s pregnant!  She’s super-excited!  Bryce, however, is shaken and — after a fantasy sequence set in the Garden of Eden — Bryce announces that he is retiring from football and going to Tibet to become a monk.  Why would a Mormon go to Tibet to become a monk?

Well, I guess the team is screwed!  Bob Dorsey still isn’t ready to come back and the third-string quarterback can barely throw the ball.  However, Bryce’s wife comes to the rescue.  She forgives Bryce for cheating and she also invites Tammy to come live with them.  Bryce can continue to play football!

Denardo, however, doubts that Bryce is the one who impregnated Tammy.  He demands that every other player who had sex with Tammy raise their hand.  Nearly every hand in the locker room goes up.  Bryce worries that everyone is going to have to move in with him and his wife….

Okay, then!  It’s hard to review this episode because, again, it’s obvious that the racy, original episode (the one that aired on HBO) was heavily edited for syndication.  The version that I saw featured a lot of abrupt jump cuts.  The story itself was fairly dumb but that’s kind of a given when it comes to this show.  I’ll give some credit to Jeff East.  He was far better than the material he had to work with.

Myself, I’m just amazed that this show featured a team called the Atlanta Confederates.  I’m going to assume that team eventually changed their name.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.15 “The Captain’s Replacement/Sly As A Fox/Here Comes The Bride …. Maybe”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard!  We’re expecting you….

Episode 6.15 “The Captain’s Replacement/Sly As A Fox/Here Comes The Bride …. Maybe”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on January 15th, 1983)

First off, before I do anything else, I want to thank Case for covering the last three episodes of The Love Boat for me.  The previous month was not an easy one for me or my family and having Case, Brad, and Jeff helping me out with my television reviews really helped out.  Thanks, guys.  You all did a wonderful job!

As far as this episode goes, I know there’s one question that is on everyone’s mind:

Julie appeared to be moderately coked-up in this episode, though not as much as usual.  I’d say on the How Coked Up Was Julie Scale, this episode was right in the middle.  Five out of ten.

Julie actually had a bit to do during this episode.  Captain Donahue (McLean Stevenson) was on the ship, technically so that he could watch and learn from Captain Stubing.  Gopher, however, suspected that Donahue was planning on replacing Stubing as the captain of the Pacific Princess.  Gopher, Julie, Doc, Isaac, and Vicki all decided to pretend to be crazy in order to convince Donahue to stay away from the Pacific Princess.  Julie, for instance, started to obsessively practice her “welcome aboard” greeting.  I’m not sure what was so crazy about that.  As far as I can tell, Julie’s entire job consists of greeting people when they board the ship.  It seems like it would be a good idea to get some practice in.  Still, Donahue is freaked out enough that he backs off from trying to steal Stubing’s position.  Captain Stubing is relieved and so is the rest of the crew.  Maybe they came across an episode of Hello, Larry and realized what was in store for them if McLean Stevenson became the new captain.

Julie also served as an advisor to Mary Frances Bellflower (Shelley Fabares), who boarded the ship with two suitors.  Ben Phillips (Frank Bonner) and Henry Greg (Arte Johnson) spent the cruise bickering over who would make the best husband for Mary Frances.  Mary Frances assumed that the two men only cared about her because she was rich and she owned a valuable foxhound.  However, by the end of the cruise, Mary Frances realized that both of the men sincerely loved her.  She promised Julie that she would return to the ship in the future with the man she had chosen.  Julia, her nose red, suggested that Mary Frances give bigamy a try.  Everyone had a good laugh.

Finally, Doc arranged for his old friend, Erica Dupont (Jenilee Harrison), to get a job serving drinks on the cruise.  Erica, the daughter of an autoworker, needed the job so that she could help pay for her wedding to Robert Wallingford (Stephen Shortridge).  Erica confessed that Robert and his parents both thought she was rich because her last name was Dupont.  Erica immediately got to work serving drinks but — oh no! — Robert’s snooty parents (William Windom and Jane Wyatt) just happened to be on the cruise!  Erica tried to avoid them but eventually, they saw Erica sharing a friendly dance with Doc and they got the wrong idea.  They called Robert, who flew down to Mexico to meet the boat.  Erica finally confessed that, while her last name was Dupont, that did not make her a Du Pont.  The Wallingfords were disappointed to learn that Erica was not related to future murderer John du Pont.  Still, Robert forgave Erica and I guess they got married after the cruise.  Who knows?  I would think that starting an engagement with a lie would be a problem for most people but whatever.

This cruise was mildly enjoyable.  Jenilee Harrison and Bernie Kopell had a likable chemistry and it was hard not to feel that Erica should have just dumped Robert and declared her love for Doc.  As for everyone acting crazy to fool McLean Stevenson, you could tell that the regulars were having fun.  The storyline about Mary Frances and her two suitors was fairly weak but the other two stories made up for it.

I’m glad that I came aboard.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.18 “Full Moon”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, it all about bicycles and sex.

Episode 2.18 “Full Moon”

(Dir by Scott Lautanen, originally aired on February 23rd, 1997)

This week, Pacific Blue gives us the erotically-charged story of two people with no personality falling for each other.  Don’t worry, though.  Even though Chris and TC both put in for transfers so that they won’t violate Palermo’s “No Doing It On The Job” policy, they eventually realize that they’re not actually in love.  After TC kisses Chris and they prepare to move into the bedroom, Chris suddenly says that she can tell that TC feels like he’s “about to have sex with your sister,” and TC nods, as if that’s a feeling that he’s extremely familiar with.

TC and Chris fall for each other while investigating a series of ATM robberies.  The two robbers (Robert Kerbeck and Felicity Waterman) were at least convincingly sleazy.  Cory kills one of the robbers.  How humiliating it must be to be killed by someone who rides a bicycle for a living!

Meanwhile, Palermo was shocked to discover his name was in a madame’s little black book.  Palermo, you hypocrite!  Put that man in jail!  But then it turned out that madame (played by Charlie Spradling) just put random names in the book so that she could use it for blackmail.  That was pretty clever of her.  Still, I find it hard to believe that anyone, outside of the bike patrol, would have had the slightest idea who Palermo was.

This was another episode that failed because not only are the characters not interesting but they’re all pretty much indistinguishable.  Chris and Cory at least have differing hair colors.  But, from a distance, Palermo, TC, and Victor all might as well all be the same guy.  If you told me that this episode was actually about Palermo falling in love with Chris, I’d have to believe you because Palermo and TC are pretty much impossible to tell apart.  Human drama only works when the characters are recognizably human.

Agck!  That’s mean!  Oh well, it’s late….

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.8 “Random Choices/My Mommy, The Swinger”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, we have two more fantasies that do not feature Tattoo.  What even is the point?

Episode 7.8 “Random Choices/My Mommy, The Swinger”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on December 3rd, 1983)

Elaine Ashley (Florence Henderson) is divorced and raising two kids on her own.  Her fantasy is to be a swinger for the weekend!  Mr. Roarke arranges for Lawrence to watch the kids and then he sets Elaine up with tennis player Martin Avery (Robert Goulet).  While Lawrence attempts to explain to the kids why their mother doesn’t want them around for the weekend, Martin offers Elaine a job.  It’s a good job with a nice salary but it would require her to put her children in a boarding school.  On the plus side, I guess Elaine would finally get laid again since that seems to be her main concern.  On the negative side, no more kids.

Elaine is tempted.  In fact, Elaine is so tempted that it actually make her into a really unsympathetic character.  At first, Elaine takes the job but then, when she sees how upset her children are about no longer living with her, she changes her mind.  Hey, Elaine — how did you think the children would react!?

This fantasy irked me.  Of course, to be absolutely honest about things, Florence Henderson irks me in general.  Maybe I’m still holding the last episode of The Brady Bunch Variety Hour against her but, whenever Florence Henderson appeared on this show or on The Love Boat, the characters she played always came across as being judgmental and self-absorbed.  That’s certainly the case here.  You take your children to a tropical paradise and then you abandon them with the butler?  Really?

As for the other fantasy, it featured Jose Ferrer as a dying billionaire who needed to find someone who he could trust to give away his money to people who deserved it.  Roarke determined that person was Eddie Random (James Read), an angry young man who felt his father had been cheated by Ferrer’s tycoon.  The entire fantasy came down to Eddie proving himself by taking supplies to an Island and helping a crotchety old man come to terms with the death of his wife.

This second fantasy felt like a backdoor pilot.  It literally ended with Eddie and the billionaire leaving to have many more adventures.  As such, the fantasy itself felt rather incomplete and …. well, silly.  Why would the tycoon need Fantasy Island to help him find the right person to give away his money?  Why does he even need a person to do that?  He should have just arranged for a big scavenger hunt and whoever found the most items would get the money.  That would have been a lot more fun.

You know who always enjoyed fantasies dealing with money?  Tattoo.  I miss him.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.11 “11-99: Officer Needs Help”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch fixes everything.

Episode 4.11 “11-99: Officer Need Help”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on January 18th, 1981)

Three criminals are stealing trucks from a trucking company.  One of the criminals works for the company but he gets fired, not for his thievery but because he accidentally put a cate of corrosive chemicals on the wrong truck.  Now, the highway patrol has to track down the chemicals and also stop the criminals.

It’s a typical episode of CHiPs.  A man loses his job after he’s wrongly accused of being the thief.  The man’s son (Greg Bradford) helps Jon and Ponch catch the real criminals.  There’s a subplot about all of the members of the high patrol carrying a new device that sends out of a signal whenever an officer’s down.  Grossman accidentally pushes the button while chasing a lost dog.  The emphasis here is on everyone working together and the Highway Patrol going out of their way to always have the best equipment to do their job.  In the end, this is such a typical episode that the whole thing is kind of boring.

Really, for me, the only interesting thing about this episode is that it featured a subplot about a new police dispatcher who spoke with a stammer and who had trouble sending out instructions over the radio.  I had a lot of sympathy for Kathie Lark (Katherine Moffat) because I had a pretty pronounced stammer up until I was about twelve years old.  (It now only comes out if I’m extremely tired or stressed.)  That said, considering just how important the dispatchers are when it comes to the Highway Patrol, I was a bit surprised that Kathie got the job in the first place.  Kathie mentioned that she had previously been a dispatcher in a small town and again, I wondered how she got that job.  To me, it seemed like the Highway Patrol was basically setting Kathie up for failure.

The good thing is that eventually someone gives Kathie some advice that helps her to overcome her nervousness and become an excellent dispatcher.  Do you want to guess who gave her the advice?  Seriously, I dare you to guess who, out of the show’s cast of characters, magically knew exactly the right thing to say to help Kathie out.  If you’re thinking that Ponch was responsible for Kathie becoming a badass on the airwaves, you are exactly right!  Is there no problem that Ponch can’t solve?  Ponch’s advice, by the way, was that Kathie should always imagine that she was speaking directly to him.  The next time that I find myself tripping over a word that starts with B, I’ll try the same thing.

It’s the Ponch Show!  Seriously, there’s nothing that Ponch can’t do!  Beyond that, this was a boring episode.  The California scenery was nice to look at but otherwise, this episode felt like CHiPs on autopilot.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.18 “Badge of Dishonor”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs battle some corrupt cops.

Episode 4.18 “Badge of Dishonor”

(Dir by Richard Compton, originally aired on March 18th, 1988)

Badge of Dishonor opens with Underworld’s Glory, Glory playing on the soundtrack.  It’s an early electronic tune, one that isn’t quite EDM but still definitely shows hints of what Underworld and a lot of other synth-pop bands would eventually become.  Usually, that would be pretty cool but, unfortunately, the song also has a gospel music feel and I personally gospel music to be excruciatingly dull.

That’s certainly the case here, where the music is played over the opening teaser and the gospel sounds robs it of whatever momentum it might have had.  The episode opens with a drug deal gone wrong.  Tubbs is working undercover when he and his contacts are suddenly busted by four cops, who kill the real dealers and then steal the drugs and the money.  Tubbs barely manages to escape with his life.  It should have been an exciting opening but it had a “been there, done that” sort of feel to it.  This isn’t the first Miami Vice episode to feature an drug deal gone wrong and it’s not even the first to feature corrupt cops.

The cops in question are all originally from Cuba.  Back in Castro’s Hellhole, they were all members of the same street gang.  After coming to Miami and building up lengthy juvenile records, the four men were subsequently hired after a race riot (a real-life event that Castillo discusses in his terse manner) led to demands for a more racially-balanced police force.  Because the force desperately needed some non-redneck cops, no one bothered to do an extensive background check on the four men when they applied to be cops.  Tubbs comments that the corrupt cops are setting “minority hiring back 400 years.”

Crockett and Tubbs’s investigation at first centers on a lieutenant (Reni Santoni) who they think is crooked because he lives on a yacht.  The lieutenant explains that he married well and that he suspects the same four cops as Crockett and Tubbs.  The lieutenant is subsequently murdered by the cops.  It turns out that the corrupt cops are getting their information from an undercover detective named Madison Stone (Michele Shay).  Stone has spent the past few years deep undercover, living in a homeless community on the riverfront.  Stone is not herself corrupt.  She’s just been manipulated and is now in an impossible situation.  At least, that’s the way Tubbs views it.  Myself, I just felt that Madison Stone appeared to be as bad at working undercover as Sonny Crockett.

Technically, this was a well-made episode.  The main problem is that the plot itself just felt so familiar and the four corrupt cops were not particularly interesting.  Compared to the usual flamboyant Miami Vice criminals, the cops were pretty bland.  In typical Miami Vice fashion, it ended on a dark note.  The corrupt cops were defeated but both Madison Stone and their lieutenant were dead.  There’s no happy endings in Miami.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Generation 1.3 “Family Politics”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.

It’s the first day of school!

Episode 1.3 “Family Politics”

(Dir by Anthony Browne, originally aired on April 1st , 2002)

It’s the first day of school at Degrassi Community School and — hey!  There’s all the folks we know.

Spinner (Shane Kippel) and Jimmy (Drake, then known as Aubrey Graham) make their first Degrassi appearance, demanding that Emma and Manny show them their hall passes and then laughing about how “Grade Sevens are such geeks.”  Emma and Manny are soon referring to Spinner as being “the jerk,” little aware that — in the far future — Emma will end up marrying Spinner.  As for Jimmy, he’s walking.  That’ll change in another few seasons.

There’s Liberty Van Zandt (Sarah Barrable-Tishauer), already showing herself to be one of the most annoying characters in Degrassi history by zealously running for student council secretary.

There’s Ms. Kwan (LinLyn Lue), the first of many English teachers who are destined to torment Spinner.

There’s Mr. Raditch (Dan Woods), promoted to principal!

There’s Paige (Lauren Collins), bragging about her clothes and her plans to start a school spirit squad.  Eventually, Spirit Squad drama will become one of the most enduring parts of Degrassi: The Next Generation.  In this episode, Paige is presented as being fashionable and shallow and nothing like the complex character she would become in later seasons.

Finally, we meet Toby’s stepsister, Ashley Kerwin (Melissa McIntyre) and Ashley’s loyal friend, the insecure Terri (Christina Schmidt).  Ashley is running for class president and struggling to get along with her new stepbrother.  I don’t have any brothers to compare him to but I still imagine that I would struggle to get along with Toby too.  At the start of the episode, Toby spots Ashley’s bra hanging in the bathroom and proceeds to put it on and run around the house.  “MOM!” Ashley yells as the episode segues into “Whatever it takes, I know I can make it through…..”

Annoyed with the fact that no one is running against Ashley for school president, Toby convinces JT to run a joke campaign.  “I’ll do what real politicians do,” JT says, “nothing!”  The students love him!  A poll comes out that shows JT beating Ashley.  Who conducted the poll?  Seriously, who polls a student election?  Degrassi never tells us and that’s the kind of thing that’s going to keep me up at night.

Ashley finally bribes JT to drop out of the election.  When Toby hears about the bribe, he threatens to expose Ashley to the school but, in the end, he doesn’t.  Ashley wins the election and she and Toby agree to try to get along.

Watching this episode, I was struck by two things.  First off, it was a less trampy remake of the first episode of Degrassi Junior High, with Ashley and Toby stepping into the roles previously filled by Stephanie Kaye and Arthur.  Secondly, it’s easy to forget how much the first season revolved around Ashley and Toby.  Much as happened with Stephanie and Arthur on Degrassi Junior High, both Ashley and Toby would become significantly less important after the first season as Degrassi shifted its attention to characters like Paige and Spinner.  This episode, however, is all Toby and Ashley.

Seen today, this episode is a good example of an episode that does what it needed to.  It introduced us to the main characters.  It had a few moments of humor that indicated Degrassi was going to be slightly more clever than the average teen show.  It established the hierarchy of the school.  That’s really all the episode had to do.  The entire student election subplot was pretty silly, as most student council storylines tend to be, regardless of which show might feature them.  On television, student councils are always absurdly powerful.  In real life, they’re just busy work.

Next week: It’s time for the first school dance!