Tag Archives: Retro Television Reviews

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 2.10 “A Pig Too Far”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, we learn about something called hacking.

Episode 2.10 “A Pig Too Far”

(Dir by Linda Day, originally aired on January 11th, 1984)

I’ve got a family thing going on today so I’m just going to do a bullet-point review.

  • The bigger, richer hospitals are transporting their indigent patients to St. Eligius.  When one of those patients dies, Joan Holloran and Dr. Cavanero (making one of her infrequent appearances) attempt to find out why.  It turns out that other hospitals view St. Eligius as being a dumping ground.  It’s not ethical or particularly nice but everyone seems to agree that it’s a common practice.
  • Ehrlich wants to ask Roberta (Jean Bruce Scott) to marry him, despite the fact that he’s extremely immature and has no idea how to have a meaningful relationship with anyone.
  • Matthew Brody (David Knell) is a teenage computer nerd who, from his hospital bed, is able to hack into the hospital’s computer system.  You can tell this episode was from the 80s because of a lengthy scene in which Matthew explains what hacking is.  Everyone is stunned that such a thing can be done.
  • Bobby shaves his mustache.  Now he looks like the handsome Mark Harmon we all know!
  • A woman with violent mood swings is brought into the psych ward.  Dr. Ridley diagnoses her as having PMS.  He and Dr. Morrison have a good laugh about it while this reviewer narrows her eyes and considers throwing her laptop out the bedroom window.
  • Shirley and Dr. White are still under investigation.  What’s odd is that Shirley says that she’s currently not allowed in the ER but actually, we saw her working in the ER in the previous episode.  That leads me to suspect that the episodes were aired out of their extended order.
  • EXCEPT — last week’s episode was a Christmas episode.  This week’s episode features a somewhat random scene of Dr. Craig demanding someone take down a Christmas tree because Christmas is over.  So maybe Shirley being in the ER last week was genuine mistake on the part of the writers.

This was a bit of a bland episode, to be honest.  At this point, I assume anyone who shows up in the hospital is guaranteed to eventually die a terrible death.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.25 “Big Daddy”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This week sounds pretty bad.  On the plus side, I’m nearly done with this show.

Episode 2.25 “Big Daddy”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on May 13th, 2000)

This episode of Malibu CA is the last episode to not be available on YouTube.  Here’s the plot summary from the imdb:

Lisa tells Jason and Traycee about the good feeling she gets from volunteering at the local Community Center and encourages them to do likewise. Traycee is ready to volunteer but Jason isn’t interested until he sees some of the pretty girls from the center, especially Diana. Jason hopes to get some one-on-one time with Diana at the Center but she assigns him to be a “Big Buddy” for a local boy, Kenny. At first the two don’t get along very well, with Kenny insulting Jason every chance he gets. But eventually they warm up to each other and Jason lets Kenny borrow his old guitar, on which he plans to teach the youngster to play.

According to Wikipedia, Scott Whyte (of City Guys “fame”) appears in this episode as Alex’s new boyfriend, who Scott suspects is a thief.

Both plotlines sound pretty dire.  It’s interesting that the second season featured guest appearances from people who previously appeared on Hang Time and City Guys.  I guess the thinking was that it would help the show’s rating.  It must not have worked because there was never a third season.

Next week, we have the series finale and that episode has been uploaded to YouTube so I’ll get to see how this all ended.  Even better, I’ll be done with Malibu CA and not a minute to soon, to be honest.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 1.4 “The Slump”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, cocaine comes to the locker room.  Actually, cocaine was probably already there.  Now, there’s more cocaine.  Football, right?

Anyway….

Episode 1.4 “The Slump”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on December 16th, 1984)

This week’s episode starts off with some full front nudity as wide receiver Mace Petty (Marshall R. Teague) takes a shower with a blonde woman.  Suddenly, a bearded man steps into the shower, accuses Mace of seducing his wife, and points a gun at him.  OH MY GOD, IS MACE GOING TO DIE!?  (And who is Mace, anyway?)

Oh wait, it’s a prop gun.  Ha ha, it’s practical joke.  Those crazy Bulls.

With the required HBO nudity out of the way, the plot kicks off.  The Bulls are in a slump.  They’ve lost their past two games!  In order to turn things around, Diane makes a trade for a talented wide receiver.  (Ha!  TAKE THAT, MACE!)  Butch Cassidy (Michael Toland) may be a good athlete but guess who has a cocaine addiction!?  Butch is soon snorting in the men’s room.  When he has to take a drug test, he uses a groupie’s urine instead.  When the results come back, it’s announced that Butch is pregnant.  Butch is kicked off the team.  Maybe the Sundance Kid can take his place….

The good news is that The Bulls still win their next game, breaking the slump.  And Bob Dorsey earns Diana’s trust by telling her that Butch has a drug problem.  And the Arcola Brothers attempt to keep the Bulls from serving beer at the stadium is thwarted when Diana has a bunch of helicopter fly in the beer.  (That way, no one has to cross the picket line that the Arcolas have set up outside the stadium.)  Finally, Carl Witherspoon gets a new contract and the rest of the team gets jealous because Carl is now a “millionaire” but then Carl points out that he’s a terrible negotiator and he actually got screwed over on the contract.  He then agrees to take the team to Hawaii.  No wonder they won that game!

This episode was actually better than the previous three.  That doesn’t mean it was particularly good but still it wasn’t terrible.  (And that’s what we mean by “damning by faint praise.”)  If nothing else, Michael Toland gave a good performance as the cocky but self-destructive Butch Cassidy.  I also kind of like the chemistry between Geoffrey Scott and Delta Burke.  They’re good together.  As far as episodes of bad shows go, this was a good one.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.11 “The Tomorrow Lady/Father, Dear Father/Still Life”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, a man tells a terrible lie, Greer Garson can see the future, and Isaac is losing his hearing!  Come aboard, we’re expecting you….

Episode 6.11 “The Tomorrow Lady/Father, Dear Father/Still Life”

(Dir by Richard A. Wells, originally aired on December 4th, 1992)

This episode of The Love Boat features one of the worst stories ever.  Ken Miller (Lawrence Pressman) wants to date Sarah Curtis (Kim Darby).  However, Sarah is on the cruise as a member of the Single Parents Group and, when Sarah first sees Ken, she assumes that Ken is a single father because he’s standing with Libby McDonald (played by the one-named Louanne), who is the daughter of Ken’s friend, Tom (Jim Stafford).  So, Ken just decides to lie about being a father.

Eventually, Sarah finds out.  When she notices that Libby is spending all of her time with Tom, the gig is up.  Sarah, however, FORGIVES Ken and accepts his marriage proposal!  (“Looks like I won’t be a member of Single Parents anymore….”)  Lady, he lied to you about having a daughter!  He recruited a little girl to pretend to be his daughter!  THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO START A MARRIAGE!

The other two stories were better.  One featured Greer Garson (in her final screen performance before retiring) as a woman who was a self-described “good guesser.”  She met a struggling businessman (Howard Duff) who wanted to use her power to play the stock market but eventually, he fell in love with her for her and not her powers.  Howard Duff’s character was not particularly likable but Greer Garson seemed to be having fun.

The other story featured Isaac struggling with a double ear infection and fearing that he would permanently lose his hearing.  He didn’t, which is good considering that he’s the ship’s head bartender and he’s the guy who everyone comes to with their problems.  (It always amuses me how a passenger will just automatically start talking to Isaac as if they’re best friends when they’ve only been on the boat for a couple of hours.)  What made this story work, though, was the performance of Ted Lange.  He was so believably scared of losing his hearing that you just wanted someone to hug him and reassure him that it would all be okay.  When his hearing finally came back, I breathed a sigh of relief.  Obviously, playing Isaac was probably not the most challenging roll of Ted Lange’s career.  I mean, the man has played Othello!  Still, Lange gave a really good and honest performance in this episode.  He didn’t use the fact that he was acting on The Love Boat as an excuse to just coast.

This cruise …. it was kind of forgettable.  Still, at least Ted Lange got a chance to shine!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.14 “One Kiss Goodnight”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Cory helps a man who can’t remember how lame this show is.

Episode 2.14 “One Kiss Goodnight”

(Dir by Sara Rose, originally aired on December 15th, 1996)

Alec Cooper (Markus Flanagan) gets amnesia after he falls off the balcony of his hotel room while trying to escape some mysterious men with guns.  Cory tries to help Alec figure out who he actually is and she starts to fall in love with him in the process.  Alec admits that there seems to be something familiar about Cory.

Well, that means there are only two possibilities.

Cory and Alec are either meant to be together

or

Alec is married to someone who looks just like Cory!

It turns out the latter is true.  Alec eventually get his memory back and Cory meets his wife, who indeed looks a lot like her.  Cory goes back to being single.  Interestingly, Chris spends this entire episode telling Cory that she needs to date more but she doesn’t approve of Cory dating someone who has amnesia.  Then again, Chris doesn’t really approve of anyone doing anything.

Meanwhile, TC’s girlfriend makes the decision to leave Santa Monica so that she can attend a graduate program and become a counselor for rape victims.  This is the sort of storyline that would have been touching if TC has any personality or if he and his girlfriend had any sort of chemistry.  But they don’t.

It probably sound like I hated this episode.  Actually, I think it’s one of the better episodes of season 2, if just because the bike riding was kept to a minimum.  The bikes would have made this awful.  Without all of the bike nonsense, it was merely forgettable.  That’s progress!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.4 “God Child/Curtain Call”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, the curse of Lawrence continues.

Episode 7.4 “God Child/Curtain Call”

(Dir by Ted Lange, originally aired on October 29th, 1983)

Tori Spelling is in this episode.  She was only ten years old at the time but she was already a terrible actress.   In the role of Laurie, a poor little rich girl whose fantasy is to ask God why her parents died in a crash, Spelling gives a performance that is overly cutesy.  There’s nothing authentic about her or her delivery.  Her role on the show was obviously a result of her father being the producer.

Laurie doesn’t find God.  (At first, she assumes Roarke is God but he assures her that he is not, despite the fact that he has God-like powers.  Ricardo Montalban, for his part, said that he always felt that Roarke was a fallen angel who was doing penance on Fantasy Island.)  Laurie does however find Adam Cobb (George Kennedy), a former circus clown-turned-alcoholic who briefly pretends to be God.  At first, Laurie hates Adam for lying about being God.  Then Mr. Roarke explains that Adam’s wife died in a circus fire and that his own daughter was adopted by another family.  Laurie feels sorry for him and invites Adam to come live in her mansion with her aunt.  Adam considers it but ultimately decides that he needs to instead search for his own daughter.  In a rather bizarre turn of events, he dances with Laurie while singing Funny Face to her.

As for Laurie meeting God, Adam suggests that maybe there’s a bit of God in everyone and therefore, we’re all God.  Whatever, you hippie.

This storyline was ugh.  Like seriously, just ugh.  Laurie didn’t get her fantasy.  She just met some old alcoholic who spouted a bunch of a Unitarian mumbo jumbo at her.  As for Adam leaving the Island to find his own daughter …. well, did he?  This episode doesn’t tell us.  How exactly is he going to find her?  Does she want anything to do with him?  How was the penniless Adam able to afford a trip to Fantasy Island in the first place?

AND WHERE THE HELL IS TATTOO!?

Meanwhile, Milton Berle played an old comedian who wanted his former partners (Imogene Coca and Howard Morris) to forgive him so that they could perform together one last time.  This storyline felt very familiar and it featured a lot of singing.  Even Mr. Roarke sang a song.  It’s actually kind of strange how many songs were sung in this episode because this wasn’t a musical episode.  This wasn’t like that musical episode of The Love Boat where the songs were evenly distributed across the program.  Instead, towards the end of the episode, people just started singing.  It was weird.

Speaking of The Love Boat, this episode was directed by Isaac himself, Ted Lange.  Lange keeps the action movie but I just wish this episode had been better written.  This is another episode where it’s easy to imagine how much better it would have been with Tattoo than with Lawrence.  Tattoo would have definitely gotten emotionally involved with Laurie’s search for God.  Lawrence, on the other hand, is just a stiff upper lip butler whose main concern is making sure everyone gets their drink order.  It’s nothing against Christopher Hewett, who I have read was a good Catholic.  It’s just that he’s stuck playing a character who does not belong on the Island.

This was a pretty desultory trip to the Island.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.7 “Satan’s Angels”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Bonnie is taken hostage!  It’s good thing Ponch exists because you know no one else on this show is going to able to rescue her.

Episode 4.7 “Satan’s Angels”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on December 14th, 1980)

When confronting a group of outlaw bikers who are harrassing a teenager (Heather Locklear, in her screen debut), Bonnie is kidnapped!  Reno (John Quade) manages to snap her own handcuffs on her wrists and then drags her to a cabin owned by Stan (William Smith) and his wife (Candice Azzara).

Can the Highway Patrol find the cabin?  The cabin is in the mountains it might not be easy to locate.  It’s a good thing that Ponch and Jon just happen have those motorized hang gliders!   It’s California living to the rescue!  Needless to say, Ponch and Jon (but mostly Ponch) are able to swoop in for the rescue.

This episode didn’t do much for me but then again, episodes about hostage situations rarely do.  Once a character is taken hostage, it pretty much causes the action to slow down to a crawl.  There’s only so many times you can listen to someone being told not to even think about escaping before it gets kind of boring.  This episode did feature the great villainous character actor, William Smith.  It had that going for it.  But, otherwise, the episode itself moved very slowly and it didn’t help that Bonnie herself was required to make a lot of very stupid mistakes so that she could be kidnapped in the first place.  When a show’s storyline depends on a previous competent person suddenly being amazing incompetent, it’s an issue.

This episode’s b-plot featured Getraer’s very pregnant wife continually going the hospital, just to discover it was a false alarm.  Getraer’s wife was played Gwynne Gilford who was (and is) married to Robert Pine.  Their son, Chris Pine, was born a few months before this episode aired.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.14 “Baseballs of Death”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

I saw the title of this week’s episode and I immediately called my sister….

Episode 4.14 “Baseballs of Death”

(Dir by Bill Duke, originally aired on February 19th, 1988)

“Watch this with me,” I told Erin, “it’s a baseball episode!”

“It is?” Erin asked.

“Look at the title!”

I was excited.  I always like to find things that I can watch with my sister and, as we all know, she loves baseball.  She certainly loves baseball more than she loves tv shows about bombs that blow up when you step on them.

Unfortunately, it turned out that this episode was not about baseball.  Instead, it featured a bunch of bombs that blow up when you step on them.  According to this episode, those bombs are known as baseballs.  Sorry, Erin!  Honest mistake….

Misleading title aside, this is a really good episode.  It features Tony Plana as a Chilean diplomat who is trying to buy a shipment of weapons, including the explosive baseballs.  Plana is a chilling villain.  In fact, he’s the first villain of season 4 to actually feel dangerous.  When we first meet him, he’s coldly executing the girlfriend of a tabloid reporter.  Plana’s lack of emotion as he kills and plots to kill feels like a throwback to the soulless sociopaths who made the first season’s rogue gallery.  A very young Oliver Platt shows up as an arms dealer and his nerdy confidence adds to some comedy to what is an otherwise fairly grim episode.  Just as with Plana’s cold villainy, Platt’s cheerful amorality felt like a throwback to the first season.

Indeed, this entire episode felt like a return to what the show used to be.  After a season that’s involved televangelists, bull semen, UFOs, and Crockett getting married to Sheena Easton, it was nice to see an episode that actually felt like an episode of Miami Vice.  Director Bill Dule gave this episode a stylish and, at times, almost surrealistic feel.  Crockett was back to be a cynic.  Castillo stared at the floor and spoke through clenched teeth while Switek actually got to put his phone-tapping skills to good use.  In the end, Tony Plana may have been the villain but, in old school Miami Vice style, the majority of the blame was still put on the U.S. government.  The episode even ended with an exciting boat chase.  All this episode needed was Phil Collins on the soundtrack and it could have passed for something from the first two seasons.

Season 4 has been uneven but this episode felt like classic Vice.  Erin thought the episode would have been better with actual baseballs and I agree with her that the title was misleading.  That said, this was still an enjoyable throwback to what the show used to be.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi High 2.13 “One Last Dance”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1989 to 1991!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi

Degrassi High comes to a close.  Here’s the final time we’ll be hearing this theme song.

Episode 2.13 “One Last Dance”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on February 11th, 1991)

With the end of term approaching, the students of Degrassi High are shocked to hear that their school will be closing.  The next year, everyone will be split up and going to different schools.  Lucy may have just been elected president of the student council but she’s never going to take office.

It’s sad news but at least the students get one last dance.

Joey and Caitlin finally get back together as the series come to a close, dancing in Degrassi’s gym.  Upon hearing some students discussing the rumor that one of their classmates is HIV+, an angry Dwayne finally admits that it’s him.  His “friend” Nick (George Chaker) refuses to speak to him.  His other friend, Tabby (Michele Johnson-Murray), finally gets over her fear and shares a dance with him.  Snake dances with Michelle.  Wheels shows up to the dance and I’m going to assume that he’s no longer homeless.  Arthur — remember when this show was all about Arthur? — is spotted dancing with someone.  The camera pans over all of the students in the school’s gym, sharing some final moments as they prepare to end one chapter of their life and start another.  It’s a low-key but effective ending for the show.  It helps that the we’ve gotten to know the characters so well.  Degrassi High didn’t need to burn down the school to have an effective ending.  It just needed to get everyone together in the gym.

However, it was not the end of the franchise, not hardly.  A year after Degrassi High ended, School’s Out would air and our characters would be given temporary (and, in some cases, rather tragic) closure.  I’ll take a second look at School’s Out next Sunday. And then, a decade or so later, a new generation would become students at Toronto’s most famous learning center.  Degrassi: The Next Generation is coming soon!

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 3.20 “The Gas Man”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, the third season of Homicide comes to an end.

Episode 3.2o “The Gas Man”

(Dir by Barry Levinson, originally aired on May 5th, 1995)

The third season of Homicide was coming to an end and NBC was dragging its heels as to whether or not it would renew the show.  Homicide was critically acclaimed but its ratings were low, despite the efforts to make the show more audience-friendly during the third season.  Producer Barry Levinson grew frustrated with NBC’s refusal to tell him whether or not the show would be renewed.  Feeling that show was probably over, Levinson and showrunner Tom Fontana decided to do something truly radical.  They crafted a series finale that sidelined most of the major characters.

Instead, The Gas Man focuses on Victor Helms (Bruno Kirby) and his best friend, Danny Newton (Richard Edson).  Helms has just gotten out of prison, where he served six years after a gas heater he installed malfunctioned and caused the death of one of his customers.  Helms blames Frank Pembleton for the loss of both his freedom and his family.  (After getting released, Helms tries to talk to his teenage son but is rejected.)  Helms and Newton follow Pembleton across Baltimore, watching as he goes to work and to a fertility clinic.  While Pembleton is investigating the murder of a fortune teller, Helms and Newton sneak onto the crime scene and find both the murder weapon and the fortune teller’s severed head.  Helms takes both of them home and sends pictures to the Baltimore Sun, trying to taunt Pembleton.  Both the Sun and Pembleton assume its a hoax.  Eventually, Helms makes his move and, even with a knife to Pembleton’s throat, he realizes that he doesn’t have it in him to commit a cold-blooded murder.  He starts to cry.  Pembleton arrests him.  Life goes on.

This was an interesting episode.  The first time I saw it, I was a bit annoyed that the focus was taken off the lead characters.  But the more I think about it, the more I appreciate what Levinson was going for.  With this episode, he shows us what happens after the investigation and the conviction.  Victor Helms is angry because he feels, perhaps with some justification, that he was unfairly charged and convicted.  He’s obsessed with Pembleton but it’s clear that Pembleton doesn’t even remember him.  For Pembleton, arresting Victor Helms was a part of his job, nothing more.  For Helms, it was the moment that his entire life collapsed.  Bruno Kirby and Richard Edson both gave good performances as Helms and Danny.  Kirby captured Helms’s obsession but he also gave us some glimpses of the man that Helms used to be.  As portrayed by Edson, Danny’s loyalty to his friend was actually kind of touching.

Of course, it turned out that this episode was not the series finale.  Homicide would return for a fourth season, without Daniel Baldwin or Ned Beatty.  We’ll start season four next week!