Tag Archives: Retro Television Reviews

Retro Television Review: The Decoy 1.5 “Dream Fix”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Decoy, which aired in Syndication in 1957 and 1958.  The show can be viewed on Tubi!

This week, Casey goes after a drug dealer.

Episode 1.5 “Dream Fix”

(Dir by Teddy Sills, originally aired on November 11th, 1957)

This week’s episode opens with Casey walking down a city street.  She tells us that she’s working Juvenile undercover, which apparently means that she just walks around the city and waits for a teenager to do something strange.  When she sees a teenage girl collapse on the sidewalk, Casey runs over to her and looks at the powder in her hand.  Casey tastes it.

“Heroin!” Casey snaps.

(How are cops always able to dip their fingers in random powers and then taste it without anything bad happening?  What if the cocaine turned out to be strychnine?  It just seems like a poor training and an unnecessary risk.)

Joanne Kittridge (Phyllis Newman) is indeed hooked on cocaine and heroin.  However, neither her rich father (Les Damon) or her attorney (Frank Bandimer) want her to work with the police to track down her dealer.  Her attorney arranges for Joanne to be sent to a rehab.  Casey’s lieutenant (played, in this episode, by Simon Oakland) assigns Casey to undercover as a nurse.

In the end, Joanne not only gets straight but she reveals that her drug dealer is her lawyer!  When the attorney pulls a gun on Joanne, Casey pulls her gun and shouts, “Freeze, police!”

This was a good episode, one that was well-acted by the entire cast and which featured Beverly Garland at her best.  (Garland even gets to show off some karate moves when she disarms the attorney.)  That said, it’s starting to bother me how almost all of Casey’s assignments seem to involve her pretending to be someone’s friend.  I get that she’s working undercover but it’s sometimes hard not to wonder what’s going to happen to people like Joanne after they realize that the only reason Casey talked to her in the first place was because someone ordered her to.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 1.11 “Rona’s Fling”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, the Bulls try to keep their season alive.

Episode 1.11 “Rona’s Fling”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on February 3rd, 1985)

Rona (Ruta Lee) has been Diane’s best friend and biggest supporter since she first appeared during 1st & Ten’s pilot.  And yet I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned her in any of my review because her character just wasn’t that interesting.  She was a sarcastic society maven who was always drinking.  She was a bit of a sitcom cliche and I didn’t really see any need to waste a lot time on her character.

This episode, however, opens with Rona getting out of rehab.  She’s stopped drinking!  And she’s also met a guy, a fellow alcoholic.  Tim (Will Bledsoe) is a young and handsome and he and Rona have great sex.  Tim is also the Bulls’s new punter!  With Tim on the team, the Bulls are guaranteed to make it to the playoffs!  (I never knew punters were so important.)

Meanwhile, the Arcola Brothers are also determined to make sure the Bulls make it to the playoffs.  They bribe a referee.

The referee, however, is knocked out early in the game when two plays collide with him.  However, the Bulls win the game on their own, no doubt thanks to Tim and his amazing punting abilities!  Rona would be happy except she’s recently learned that Tim is married.  Tim was separated when he went into rehab but, once he got out, his wife fell in love with him all over again.

And that’s pretty much the episode.  It wasn’t a bad episode, even if the whole thing with the referee felt a bit anti-climatic.  Ruta Lee gave a good performance as Rona and I appreciated the fact that she was still sober at the end of the episode.  And, hey ….. The Bulls are going to the playoffs!

Thank God for the kicking team, I guess.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.18 and 6.19 “Isaac’s Aegean Affair/The Captain and The Kid/Poor Rich Man/ The Dean and the Flunkee”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, we have a special two-hour episode!

Episodes 6.18 and 6.19 “Isaac’s Aegean Affair/The Captain and The Kid/Poor Rich Man/ The Dean and the Flunkee”

(Dir by Alan Rafkin, originally aired on February 5th, 1983)

The Love Boat is going to Greece!

This is another one of those two-hour Love Boat episodes.  The crew is assigned to work a Greek cruise.  Love and sight-seeing follow.  Isaac, for instance, falls in love with a passenger named Reesa (Debbie Allen) and even resigns from the crew so that he can spend the rest of his life in Greece with her.  Unfortunately, Isaac forgets to ask Reesa ahead of time and, when Isaac returns to Reesa’s Greek flat, he discovers that she had reconciled with her husband (James A. Watson, Jr.).  It’s back to the Love Boat for Isaac!

Meanwhile, the graduating class of Captain Stubing’s old college is holding their graduation ceremony at the ruins of a Greek temple.  The class  valedictorian (Jameson Parker) give a speech in which he shows appreciation to his Greek aunt (Eva Marie Saint), even though he’s discovered that she’s not as a wealthy as he originally assumed she was.  The Dean (Eddie Albert) is finally convinced to give a makeup exam to a student (Leigh McCloskey) who missed his history final.  A teacher (Shirley Jones) finally agrees to marry the dean.  And Vicki briefly falls in love with a 16 year-old prodigy (Jimmy McNichol) and she gets engaged to him for about an hour or two.  Captain Stubing wonders how Vicki would be able to continue her education if she got married.  I’m wondering how she’s continuing her education while living and working on a cruise ship.

There was a lot going on in this episode but the true star of the show was the Greek scenery.  This episode was filmed on location and, as such, it’s basically a travelogue.  Fortunately, Greece looks beautiful!  Seriously, the 2-hour, on-location episodes of The Love Boat must have been a blast to shoot.

This week?  This week was probably a 10 out of 10 on the How Coked Up Was Julie Scale but hey, she was in Greece.  She had every right to live a little.

Now, I want to take a cruise!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.21 “The Last Ride”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, wild things are happening in Malibu.

Episode 2.21 “The Last Ride”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on April 13th, 1997)

Mahmoud (Shaun Toub) has promised everyone that he will be going straight as soon as he completes his community service.  However, we all know better than to trust Mahmoud!  It turns out that he’s gotten involved in an elaborate con job to sell Malibu Pier to some naive investors.  Oh, that Mahmoud!

What was that?  What did you ask?  Oh, who is Mahmoud?

I asked that exact same question when I watched this episode.  I had no idea who Mahmoud was or why exactly he was at the center of an episode of a show about bicycle cops.  Chris and Cory did show up occasionally to harass him but, still, it really did seem like Mahmoud belonged on a different show.  After this episode ended, I did a search of my previous reviews and discovered that Mahmoud actually has appeared on the show before.  As a vendor on the beach, he sold Chris a necklace that made her neck turn green.  But that was about eight episodes ago and it was a rather minor subplot, all things considered.

As for Mahmoud in this episode, he was annoying.  His dialogue was overwritten, his story felt cartoonish, and Shaun Taub’s overacting didn’t help things.  Still, it’s interesting to think that the regular characters were so boring that the show’s writers decided they would rather do a show about a minor supporting character than actually try to come up with anything for Chris and Cory to do.

The episode’s other subplot actually does feature the bicycle cops.  Victor’s childhood friend has been released from prison and is now the head of a violent car theft ring.  Victor is forced to deal with his own guilt over being a juvenile delinquent as he and TC try to take down the car thieves.  This was pretty standard stuff but it did feature one scene that was just stupid enough to be entertaining.  With the car thieves opening fire on them, Victor and TC ride their bikes straight toward the thieves.  Eventually they both stand up on their still-moving bikes and, leaning forward against the handle bars, they start shooting their guns back at the bad guys.  Somehow, they’re able to do this and aim well-enough to take out the car thieves while also keeping their bikes rolling forward.  (TC does get shot but it turns out the bullet only grazed his forehead.  “He’ll just have a headache for a while,” Chris says.  Yeah, I would think so.)  This is one of those moments that would have been really badass if not for the fact that Victor and TC were still wearing their dorky bike cop uniforms during it.  The blue shorts, the white polo shirts, the bicycle helmets — sorry, you just can’t look cool when you’re wearing all that.  Nice try, guys!

Next week, season 2 ends!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.11 “Games People Play/The Sweet Life”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

“Smiles, everyone …. SMILES, DAMMIT!”

Episode 7.11 “Games People Play/The Sweet Life”

(Dir by Cliff Bole and Don Weiss, originally aired on January 14th, 1984)

Three women who all work for a toy company come to Fantasy Island.  Nora Leonard (Lynda Day George) has closed off her heart after getting hurt in too many past relationships.  Barbara Jessup (Jenilee Harrison) wants her boss to look past her appearance and realize that she really does have a brain to go with her beauty.  Sandy Hoffman (Berlinda Tolbert) wants to have the courage to present her ideas….

Oh hey, it’s a Wizard of Oz thing!  Except it’s not.  There’s no Dorothy and there’s no Toto.  There’s a corporate spy named Steven Curry (John McCook), who wants the details of the company’s new video game and who also falls for Nora.  And there’s Dick York as Mr. Sutton, who wears a bowtie as all toy company execs do.

What there is not is an interesting fantasy.  Even with three separate fantasies in one, this storyline was pretty blah.  Everyone seemed a bit bored, even the usually dependable Lynda Day George.

The other fantasy was slightly more interesting, but only because it featured the great character actor Kevin McCarthy as Daniel Koster.  Daniel wanted to give his wife and his children the lifestyle they could have had if Daniel had been rich.  In fact, Daniel sent his family to Fantasy Island ahead of him so that they could enjoy being rich without him around.  (What?)  I was always under the impression that guests at the Island only stayed for a weekend.  Daniel comes to the Island and discovers that his family appears to be very happy, even if his son is still writing bad poetry.  (There’s no money in poetry, Daniel gruffly explains and, as a poet, I can say that’s very true.)  Along with his son’s rhyming habits, Daniel has other things to deal with, like his bad heart.

In fact, Daniel dies of a heart attack while on the Island but not before realizing that his family always loved him, even if they weren’t rich.  Having Daniel die was depressing.  What made it even worse is that Roarke apparently knew Daniel was probably going to die on the Island but he didn’t really seem to do anything to try to prevent it from happening.  Instead, he just made a bunch of cryptic comments to Lawrence about how Daniel’s weekend on Fantasy Island could be his last.  Lawrence looked concerned but didn’t do anything to help.  Why is Lawrence even there?

Eh, this episode.  I always enjoy watching Kevin McCarthy and he gives a typically solid performance but otherwise, this was a disappointing trip to the Island.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.14 “Ponch’s Angels: Part 1”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch protests having to do his job.

Episode 4.14 “Ponch’s Angels: Part 1”

(Dir by John Florea, originally aired on February 28th, 1981)

It’s a busy week for the Highway Patrol!  The marina is full of tourists and carnival-goers.  A group of escaped convicts are trying to get out of town.  A man and his partner are stealing purses.  But all of that pales in comparison to what Jon and Ponch are having to do.

Jon and Ponch are having to train rookies!

Even worse, from their perspective …. the rookies are women!

Ponch protests when he’s given the assignment to train enthusiastic and blonde Melanie Mitchell (Trisha Townsend).  He tells Getraer that Melanie is attractive and that Getraer knows what happens when Ponch gets around attractive women.  Getraer replies that he wants Ponch to train Melanie precisely because Ponch has so many girlfriends.  A man with many girlfriends will be less likely to be tempted.  Okay, Getraer, that’s interesting logic….

And it turns out that Getraer doesn’t know what he’s talking about because this episode ends with Ponch and Melania passionately locking lips.  “TO BE CONTINUED” flashes on the screen so I guess we’ll get to the disciplinary hearing and the subsequent lawsuit next week.

As for Jon, he trains Paula Woods (Barbara Stock), who is as cool and reasonable as Melanie is enthusiastic and impulsive.  Paula tries to flirt with Jon but Jon keeps it all business because Jon is capable of actually doing his job in a professional manner.

What’s odd about this episode is that it’s called Ponch’s Angels, even though Ponch is only training one of the new motorcycle cops.  This season, even the episode titles were all about erasing Jon Baker!

Anyway, as I mentioned, this is the first part of a two-parter.  Apparently, this episode was actually a backdoor pilot for a series that would have focused on Melanie and Paula and it’s easy to see that Melanie was created to be another Ponch while Paula was created to be a female Jon.  Next week, we’ll see if Paula and Melanie can make use of the lessons they were taught by Jon and Ponch.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.21 “Deliver Us From Evil”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Caitlin makes a fateful return to Miami, an old enemy emerges from the shadows, and Crockett crosses a line that he never thought he would cross.  Will he ever be able to come back?

Episode 4.21 “Deliver Us From Evil”

(Dir by George Mendeluk, originally aired on April 29th, 1989)

At the end of this week’s episode, Crockett executes a man in cold blood!

Whoa!

Now, I should note that the guy that Crockett killed was really, really bad.  Frank Hackman (Guy Boyd) was a hitman who was previously on Death Row for killing one of Crockett’s former partners.  Hackman, who was pretending to be born again and seeking redemption, tricked Crockett into “proving” his innocence and getting his conviction overturned.  Only as Frank left the prison did he smirk at Crockett and reveal that all of the “new” evidence was faked.  It was one of Miami Vice’s darkest episodes.

Frank went back to his old ways, committing crimes and killing families.  Crockett made it his mission to take down Frank but, during a shootout with Frank’s gang, Frank’s wife was caught in the crossfire.  Crockett blamed himself, even though the bullet that killed her came from Frank’s gun.  Frank also blamed Crockett and, while Crockett was struggling with whether or not he wanted to remain a member of the Vice Squd, Frank plotted his revenge.

Caitlin Davies, Crockett’s wife, returned from her European tour.  Unfortunately, her homecoming concert was abruptly ended when she was shot by a sniper.  She died in Crockett’s arms, bringing to an end a marriage that never really made much sense to begin with.

Crockett spent a few days drinking on his boat and then rejoined the Vice Squad, determined to track down Frank.  Castillo did that thing where he narrowed his eyes and looked vaguely concerned but he still allowed Crockett to work the case.  After Crockett and Tubbs learned that Frank was living on a nearby island, Crockett confronted him alone.

“You wouldn’t shoot an unarmed man,” Frank said, smiling while lounging by the pool.

BANG!

Frank was wrong.

It was a powerful moment but one that was diminished by one final shot that showed Frank had been holding a gun in his hand when he was shot.  From what I’ve been able to uncover online, this was apparently added at the insistence of the network, who did not want Crockett to become a cold-blooded killer.  I doubt that would be an issue for the networks today.

Season 4 has been pretty uneven but this was a powerful episode.  As it ended, it definitely seemed as if Crockett had crossed  a line and that he would never again be the same.  Who knows what that might mean for next week’s season finale?

We’ll find out!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Generation 1.6 “The Mating Game”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, everyone’s thinking about sex!

Episode 1.6 “The Mating Game”

(Dir by Anthony Browne, originally aired on April 22nd, 2002)

Sex therpaist Dr. Sally (Sue Johanson, recreating her role from Degrassi Junior High) is coming to Degrassi and it’s not a minute to soon because everyone is thinking about sex.  Ashley and Jimmy’s 8-month reunion is approaching and, when Paige is cast as Juliet opposite Jimmy’s Romeo in a class assignment, Ashley starts to worry that Jimmy might not be happy with their sex-free relationship.  Of course, Jimmy is more than happy with his relationship with Ashley.  If anything, Spinner seems to be the one who is obsessed with when Ashley and Jimmy are going to “do it.”

Meanwhile, Toby has a crush on Emma but Emma has a crush on Sean.  Toby invites Emma to join him in watching a DVD about an endangered turtle.  Emma agrees because Emma is all about endangered animal documentaries.  But then she stands him up so that she can help Sean out with his school project.  Sean tells Emma about how he had to give up his pet dog when he moved in with his brother, Emma says. “Awwww!,” and Toby ends up heart-broken.  Emma, for her part, is shocked when Manny later tells her that Toby has a “huge crush” on her.

(Though I’m a huge Degrassi fan, I have to admit that I always forget how much time the first season of Degrassi: The Next Generation spent on storylines that were, more or less, abandoned in future seasons.  Toby’s crush on Emma is a good example.)

As for Ashley and Jimmy, they both do the right thing and buy condoms.  (Jimmy goes to a drugstore.  Ashley orders online.)  However, they don’t have sex and instead just blow the condoms up and write cutesy little messages on them.

Finally, this episode features Terri once again getting offended when Ashley comments on her having never had a boyfriend.  For those of us who know our Degrassi history, it’s hard not to cringe at Ashley’s comment because we know what’s going to happen to Terri (and eventually Jimmy) once Terri finally does start dating someone.

This episode was okay.  These first season episodes are not always easy to watch because the show itself got a lot more interesting after the second season.  It’s hard not watch the episodes from the first two seasons and spend most of the time thinking about what the future holds for the characters.  In this episode, Jimmy is gawky and Ashley is confident that she and Jimmy will know when the time is right.  In the future, Ashley is going to lose all of her friends after taking ecstasy and Jimmy is going to end up paralyzed from the waist down.  In this episode, Toby and JT are bummed that only the eighth graders get to see Dr. Sally.  In the future, JT’s going to get stabbed to death and Toby’s going to end up dating Spinner’s adopted sister.  Meanwhile, Sean’s going to end joining the Army and Emma’s going to end up married to Spinner and Terri’s going to leave school after her boyfriend shoves her and she hits her head on a rock.  When you know all that is going to happen, it’s hard to get caught up in Terri’s hurt feelings or Ashley’s awkwardness when she has to pay for her condom delivery.  Seriously, they should be enjoying their lives while they can because the future is going to be dark!

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 4.7 “Thrill of the Kill”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, Lisa will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, Homicide explores the theory that, when it comes to twins, there’s always an evil one.

Episode 4.7 “Thrill of the Kill”

(Dir by Tim Hunter, originally aired on November 10th, 1995)

Pembleton and Bayliss are working with the FBI to try tack down Newton Dell (Jeffrey Donovan), a Florida man who the FBI believes has committed a series of murders up and down the interstate.  He’s in Maryland now, driving a stolen truck.  Pembleton and Bayliss are able to catch him, though not before three murders have been committed in their jurisdiction.  However, in the Box, Newton insists that he was not the murderer.  He says that the murderer was someone who was traveling with him but he refuses to give out the name.  He says he can’t betray the murderer.  Even when it’s pointed out that his fingerprints were found at the crime scenes, Newton insists that that the murderer wasn’t him.

Bayliss thinks that Newton is trying to set up a insanity defense.  Pembleton doesn’t care.  His job is to catch people who commit murder and, as far as he’s concerned, he’s done just that.  Besides, Newton Dell’s story doesn’t make any sense.  Why would his fingerprints be all over the crime scene if he wasn’t the killer?  Why has every witness provided a description that roughly fits Newton Dell?

Strangely, neither man seems to remember that Munch earlier mentioned that Newton Dell has a twin brother.

Yes, you read that correctly.  This week, Homicide — a show that started off as a very realistic and gritty crime drama — present us with a murderous twin!

Miles Dell calls the department and lets them know that he can’t let his brother go to prison for a crime he didn’t commit.  Soon,  all of the cops are pulling up outside of a convenience store.  Miles (also played by Jeffrey Donovan) is waiting for them.  In the store, a dead clerk is sprawled out on the floor.  So, that’s another murder that occurred because Pembleton and Bayliss somehow overlooked the evil twin theory!

The entire tone of this episode feels different from every episode that preceded it.  With this episode, we hear the tortured inner thoughts of Miles Dell, we get some random slow motion, and we finally get an ending that is so over the top that it feels like a dry run for CSI or Criminal Minds.  Yes, Bayliss and Pembleton do have their usual philosophical debates about the nature of evil.  This is definitely a Homicide episode.  However, it’s also a Homicide episode that shamelessly embraces the melodrama.  There’s not a subtle moment to be found in this episode.  It’s a weirdly entertaining episode but it’s still somewhat jarring to watch.  This is one of those episodes that was obviously made to keep NBC happy.  One need only compare it to something like Doll’s Eyes to see how different this episode was from what came before it.

Again, it’s an entertainingly trashy episode.  Bayliss and Pembleton are enjoyable to listen to.  Jeffrey Donovan was entertainingly over-the-top as both Newton and Miles.  That said, I hope this episode was just a one-off and not a sign of what’s waiting for me over the rest of the season 4.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Good Morning Miss Bliss 1.10 “Practical Jokes”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Good Morning, Miss Bliss, which ran on the Disney Channel from 1988 to 1989 before then moving to NBC and being renamed Saved By The Bell.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Screech goes on trial!

Episode 1.10 “Practical Jokes”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 25th, 1989)

“It’s Hoosier Harvest Festival!” Miss Bliss tells us.  Apparently, this is some sort of Indiana thing where everyone rolls around in hay and plays practical jokes on each other.  In her 11 years of working at JFK Junior High, Miss Bliss is proud to have never been pranked.  Mr. Belding gets pranked all the time.  In fact, Belding spends this entire episode getting humiliated over and over again.  After eating some tainted food, he runs from the cafeteria.  Miss Bliss has a good laugh over the suffering of a man who, just a few weeks ago, moved Heaven and Earth so she could win the Teacher of the Year award.

In other words, Miss Bliss is a bitch.

When Miss Bliss sits down in class, it turns out that someone has painted her chair.  Her new sweater is ruined!  Miss Bliss gets angry and demands that the responsible party step forward or the entire class will be punished.  The class immediately pressures Screech to confess.  Screech does so and is told that he will have to pay for Miss Bliss’s sweater.  Screech takes back his confession.

Miss Bliss says the only way to settle this is by holding a mock trial.  Hey, that’s convenient!  Would you believe that Miss Bliss just happens to be teaching a unit on the Constitution?  Screech is put on trial.  Zach is his lawyer.  Nikki is the prosecutors.  Mikey is the bailiff.  Lisa is a witness.  The rest of the cast — you know, the dorky kids who don’t get names or storylines — are the jury.

The evidence is stacked against Screech but Zach gets most of it thrown out.  (Nikki may have found a paint brush in Screech’s locker but she had no right to search it.)  The only evidence against Screech is that he said he was going to get Miss Bliss and …. well, he did confess.  Somehow, his confession never comes up at the trial.  That’s a pretty big piece of evidence, even if everyone knows he was pressured into making it.  Screech surprises everyone by taking the fifth when asked why he went to his locker after saying he was going to get Miss Bliss.

Screech is acquitted for lack of evidence.  (Uhmm …. confession?  Hello, he confessed?)  Miss Bliss reveals that she pranked herself to trick the kids into learning about the Constitution.  Because she pranked herself, this mean that she has still never been officially pranked.  After class, she helps Screech open his locker and gets hit by the silly string that Screech previously set to go off.  So, Screech did prank Miss Bliss!

(Wouldn’t Nikki have gotten hit by the silly string when she illegally searched Screech’s locker?)

This episode was dumb.  Screech should have been wrongfully convicted because Zach wasn’t that good of a lawyer.  Unfortunately, Nikki wasn’t that good of a prosecutor either.  That’s the system for you, dagnabit!