Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 1.11 “Barbarino’s Girl” and 1.12 “California Dreamin'”

Posted on July 8, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Barbarino gets a girlfriend and Gabe nearly gets killed by Julie.

Episode 1.11 “Barbarino’s Girl”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 25th, 1975)

At the start of this episode, Gabe tells Julie a joke about his uncle and a monkey. I didn’t get it. Julie didn’t look that amused either.

At school, the Sweathogs are not in a good mood because it’s report card time! Gabe tells the Sweathogs not to panic because apparently, even if they are failing Social Studies, they still have time to raise their grades. (So, I guess Gabe is handing out progress reports as opposed to report cards.) Epstein has a note from his mother’s doctor explaining that any bad grades would be bad for her health. (He actually has several notes, one for each class.) The note is signed “Epstein’s Mother’s Doctor.”

Freddie, meanwhile, tries to bribe Gabe with a half-eaten apple while Horshack falls to his knees and begs for a good grade. Only Barbarino doesn’t beg, probably because he knows that he’s the best-looking guy in the school and when you’ve got a smile like that, who needs brains?

Gabe passes out the report cards. Epstein says, “Thanks for killing my mother.” Freddie takes back his apple. Horshack starts to laugh in his braying way. Gabe asks Horshack what’s so funny about his bad grade. Horshack replies that he’s laughing at Barbarino’s even worse grade. Barbarino, it turns out, actually does care about his grades because his mother is a saint who apparently hits him with rosary beads whenever he brings home a bad grade. Gabe says that he can’t just pass Vinne to be nice. He asks what Vinnie would become if everyone just passed him without checking to make sure that he actually learned something. “A high school graduate,” Vinnie says and he has a point.

Speaking of high school and grades and getting held back, I noticed that Barbarino, Freddie, Epstein, and Horshack appear to be the only regular members of the class. This episode featured a lot of students getting upset over their report card and I think one reason they struggled with Kotter’s class is that none of them had ever attended before. Seriously, who are half these people!? I definitely would have noticed that goony redhead sitting in the corner if he had ever attended class before this episode.

Gabe arranges for Barbarino to get some tutoring from Judy Borden (Helaine Lembeck), the same girl that ran against him for student body president. Though Judy and Barbarino initially don’t get along, they soon bond of their shared love of rhyming insults. Unfortunately, the other Sweathogs give Barbarino a hard time about his new friendship with Judy and Barbarino is stunned when Judy turns down his offer of a date. However, Judy later changes her mind and goes to Coney Island with Barbarino and the Sweathogs. Awwwww!

Back at the apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about his cousin, Gorgeous Jerry Kotter. It was short joke and apparently, the point was that Gorgeous Jerry had a lot of back hair.

This episode pretty much existed so that John Travolta could do his dumb but sweet routine and I have no problem with that because he did it very well and he showed off that smile that could light up a room. Plus, Barbarino and Judy Borden were a cute couple. That said, I’ll be surprised if their relationship is ever mentioned again.

Episode 1.12 “California Dreamin'”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on December 2nd, 1975)

At the apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about the time that his teacher asked him who signed the Declaration of Independence. Gabe replied, “I didn’t sign it.” Later, Gabe’s father came to the school and backed him up. Good for him.

Back at school….

Hey look! The goony redhead is back!

And the goony redhead gets some company when Mr. Woodman stops by the classroom to introduce a transfer student from California. Her name is Bambi (Susan Lanier) and she tells everyone that she loves the beach. She also requests that everyone call her Sunshine.

All the Sweathogs are smitten but Bambi seems to be more interested in Mr. Kotter, asking him what his sign is. Gabe reveals that he’s an Aquarius. “I knew it!” Bambi shouts. Bambi asks Gabe to show her around. Gabe suggests that she ask one of the Sweathogs. “They’re not groovy like you,” Bambi replies.

After the school day ends, Gabe returns to his apartment. Julie asks him why a girl named Sunshine has been repeatedly calling the apartment and asking whether or not Gabe wants to go skinny dipping. Julie is so annoyed that she even puts on her glasses so that her withering stare can be magnified.

Julie asks Gabe if he has anything to say for himself.

“Yes,” Gabe replies, “Can I go?”

Gabe explains that Sunshine has a crush on him but he also tells Julie that he’ll explain to Sunshine tomorrow that they cannot run off together. He says that he’s sure that he can get Sunshine to understand and, “If she doesn’t, I promise I’ll write.” Julie attacks Gabe with a pillow in a way that suggests that she’s genuinely furious with him. Reportedly, Marcia Strassman and Gabe Kaplan did not get along during the production of Welcome Back, Kotter and, in this episode, Julie really does seem like she’s just looking for an excuse to kill her husband.

Back in the classroom, each Sweathog tries to impress Bambi. Epstenin chants her name. Horshack shows up with a walking stick, an overcoat, and sunglasses and pretends to be a Hollywood producer. Freddie sings a calypso song about how Santa Claus is black. Barbarino rushes into the room and sings, “I’m singing ba-ba-ba-ba-Barbino!” while the audience goes crazy.

Gabe, however, asks to speak to Bambi in the hallway. He reveals that he checked her records and discovered that she’s not from California. She’s from Lubbock and she’s been to 11 different schools, where she has always caused trouble. Bambi decides to show Gabe what type of trouble she can cause by entering the room and announcing that her pencil is on Gabe’s desk. Barbarino, Freddie, Epstein, and Horshack lunge for it.

After Gabe points out how foolish everyone is acting over her, Bambi sees the folly of her ways and tells everyone the truth. The Sweathogs are very forgiving, probably because the last thing they were interested in, as far as Bambi was concerned, was what state she was from.

Back the apartment, Gabe wakes up Julie in the middle of the night to tell her about his Uncle Herbie. Julie rolls her eyes as Gabe talks about how his Aunt Estelle tried to trick Herbie into giving up alcohol and how it didn’t work.

I liked this episode more than I thought I would. My family moved around a lot when I was growing up so I could relate to how Bambi felt about having to always make a big first impression at every new school that she went to. Even if Marcia Strassman seemed to be annoyed by his very existence, Gabe Kaplan gave a good performance in this episode, especially in the scene where he confronted Bambi with the truth about her background. All in all, this was a pretty good episode.

Next week — Horshack gets promoted out of remedial classes!

Live Tweet Alert: Watch Graduation Day with #ScarySocial

Posted on July 8, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, I will be hosting 1980’s Graduation Day! Someone’s killing high school athletes! Is it Christopher George, Vanna White, Linnea Quigley, or the band Felony? Join us to find out!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag! The film is available on Prime and Tubi. I’ll be there co-hosting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.9 “Kunoichi”

Posted on July 7, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Master, which ran on NBC from January to August of 1984. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, McAllister and Max head to Washington, D.C.!

Episode 1.9 “Kunoichi”

(Dir by Gordon Hessler, originally aired on April 9th, 1984)

The 9th episode of The Master opens by showing us what Okasa (Sho Kosugi) has been doing since coming to America to track down and kill his former teacher, John Peter McAllister (Lee Van Cleef). Okasa has been training an apprentice of his own. The apprentice ninja is always seen while wearing a light gray ninja uniform, the better to keep the apprentice’s identity a secret until halfway through the episode.

Meanwhile, McAllister and Max (Tim Van Patten) are in Washington, D.C. As McAllister explains it, he was good friends with Brian Elkwood (Jack Kelly) when they both served in the Army together. During the Korean War, they were both held in the same POW camp and they escaped together. (This, of course, goes against McAllister’s previous backstory, which was that he left the Army after World War II and spent the next 40 years hidden away in Japan.) Elkwood is now an important advisor to the President. Apparently, Elkwood sent McAllister a letter informing him that a spy known as The Hawk was threatening his life so McAllister has come to Washington to protect him. (How exactly McAllister received a letter when he and Max are constantly driving around the country in search of McAllister’s daughter is not explained.)

At the Elkwood estate, Brian Elkwood tells his assistant, Allison Grant (Kelly Harmon), that he has been receiving letters from John Peter McAllister in which McAllister has threatened to kill him. Allison argues that McAllister has always been Elkwood’s friend but Elkwood says that people can change. Elkwood’s head of security, Ron Gordon (Rick Hill), is concerned not only about McAllister but also about uncovering the identity of The Hawk.

Or at least, that’s what Gordon claims. A few scenes later, we discover that Gordon actually is The Hawk and that he’s hired Okasa to assassinate Elkwood. Okasa is planning on framing McAllister for the assassination. The assassination will be carried about his apprentice, who we learn is close to Elkwood. The episode tries to build up a lot of suspense over who Okasa’s apprentice actually is but it’s actually pretty easy to figure out. Elkwood is not the apprentice because he’s the target. Gordon is the not apprentice because he’s the Hawk. There’s only one other guest star on this episode so obviously, the apprentice is Allison. Myself, I’m just confused as to when Okasa’s mission went from personally killing McAllister to framing him for murder.

Eventually, McAllister is able to convince Elkwood that he didn’t write the threatening letters but a sudden attack of Okasa’s apprentice leaves Elkwood hospitalized and McAllister arrested for attempted murder. Fortunately, Max is able to use his ninja training to help McAllister escape from jail and they manage to not only prevent the second attempt on Elkwood’s life but they also expose both Gordon and Allison as being enemies of the state. Yay!

This is one of those episodes where everyone, with the exception of Sho Kosugi, steps to the side and lets their stunt doubles do most of the work. There’s a lot of fights but they are all awkwardly choreographed and framed, probably in an attempt to keep the audience from noticing that Lee Van Cleef’s stunt person was notably thinner and more athletic than Lee was. As far as episodes of The Master are concerned, this was not a bad one but it still ultimately leaves the viewer feeling that it could have been so much better.

Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix for Sheena!

Posted on July 7, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter and I hope to continue to be until the site finally becomes unusable. (It’s going to happen eventually so enjoy it while you can!) I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 10 pm et, #FridayNightFlix has got 1984’s Sheena, starring Tanya Roberts and Blossom’s dad!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag! It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Sheena is available on Prime! See you there!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 5.11 “Cassidy Couch” and 5.12 “Brother From Another Mother”

Posted on July 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Despite the fact that the Neat Guys haven’t been neat for a while, it’s time to review two more episodes of City Guys!

Episode 5.11 “Cassidy Couch”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 20th, 2001)

Chris’s dad is investing in a play being written and directed by Derek Wagner, one of Broadway’s hottest directors! (Oh yeah, Chris is rich. It’s kind of funny how that aspect of Chris’s character kind of got pushed into the background.) Cassidy thinks that she would be perfect for the lead role of an innocent pilgrim girl. Chris offers to ask his dad to pull a few strings but Cassidy says that she wants to get the job based on nothing but her ability.

When Chris and Cassidy go to the auditions, Chris is surprised to see that Cassidy is dressed up like a pilgrim. Cassidy explains that you should always dress for the role you want. Chris spots another actress waiting to try out and says that apparently, she’s planning on auditioning to be a hooker. (Boooo! Way to be judgmental, Chris.) Cassidy sees that the actress is wearing a short skirt and a tank top and she throws a fit. “Excuse me!” Cassidy snaps, before demanding why the actress is dressed like me on a warm day. The actress informs Cassidy that the director only casts attractive women and that her pilgrim outfit isn’t going to get the job done. Cassidy rips off her pilgrim outfit and auditions in her pajamas.

(Personally, I’m more interested in whether or not Cassidy is a member of Equity because I doubt Broadway’s hottest director is going to be working on a non-union show.)

Cassidy does get a part in the show, though it’s not the starring role. When Chris takes Cassidy to her first rehearsal, he overhears Derek Wagner having an argument with the actress he did cast in the lead role. The actress tells Derek that he’s a pig and then she quits. Derek then goes into the rehearsal hall and, after Cassidy approaches him and thanks him for giving her a small role, he promotes Cassidy to the lead role!

Chris is worried that Derek is “going to put the moves” on Cassidy. Cassidy is offended at Chris’s suggestions that Derek wouldn’t just cast her for her talent. But then, one night at rehearsals, Derek does exactly what Chris said he would do. Cassidy quits the play. Determined to expose Derek for being a predator, Chris and Jamal invite him onto their radio show and Derek agrees. Why would Derek agree to go on a high school radio show? It’s because the show needs Derek to do something illogical so it can end the story without having to leave the roof of Manny High. If Derek had refused to appear on the show, Cassidy wouldn’t get a chance to confront in the booth and expose him to the handful of students who are actually dorky enough to listen to Chris and Jamal’s show.

This episode dealt with a real issue so let’s give it some credit. Unfortunately, all the credit in the world isn’t going to make up for concluding the episode with Derek getting exposed on a high school radio program. Derek is a Broadway director who is busy putting together his latest show. He’s not going to appear on the Manny High Morning Show and he’s certainly wasn’t going to appear on a show hosted by the boyfriend of the actress who he just sexually harassed and then fired. Not everything can be resolved on the roof of the school, City Guys!

Don’t even get me started on the B-plot, which featured L-Train getting psychic powers and having a premonition of Ms. Noble’s impending death. Jamal, Al, and Dawn were really worried that Ms. Noble would die because apparently, these high school seniors who are on the verge of graduating don’t have a life outside of obsessing on their principal. Fear not. Ms. Noble did not die. The most interesting thing about the B-plot was that Al and Dawn were dating, despite having broken up several episodes earlier. Again, it would appear that this episode was meant to air earlier in the season but NBC aired it later, continuity be damned.

Episode 5.12 “Brother From Another Mother”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 20th, 2001)

Here is the plot description of this episode, courtesy of Wikipedia:

There is a heat wave going through New York, Dawn convinces Ms. Noble to allow a small waiting pool on the roof of Manny High. Instead Al and Chris secretly set up a large swimming pool for the whole school to enjoy and relax. Ms. Noble later finds out about the pool when one of the many interruptions preventing her from having a peaceful lunch break is leaking water coming from the ceiling. She tells Al to get rid of the pool. Before he does this, Al attempts to conquer his fear of the pool and learn how to swim, but in the process he almost drowns. Ms. Noble comes in the nick of time to rescue him and decides to teach Al how to swim before she gets rid of the pool. Meanwhile, Jamal’s father and El-Train’s mother develop an attraction for each other while attending a parent-principal conference. They set up a date and have the time of their lives. Jamal freaks out and doesn’t know what to think of this blossoming relationship, the possibility of someone else being his mother, and the future of a new family. While El-Train is ecstatic that his mother is finding some happiness in her life and he is looking forward to a possible future of Jamal becoming his brother and Mr. Grant his father.

Wow, that sounds terrible! This kind of makes me glad that this episode is one of the many from season 5 that has not been uploaded to YouTube. How exactly could they put a large swimming pool on the roof with Ms. Noble noticing? And why does everything have to be on the roof? Wouldn’t it actually be hotter on the roof than it would be if they put the pool in the courtyard or something? Add to that, how many times could Jamal freak out over the possibility of his father dating someone. Grow up, Jamal!

Next week, this show will be two episodes closer to being over.

Here’s The Teaser For Bob Marley: One Love

Posted on July 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s the first teaser trailer for the upcoming musical biopic, Bob Marley: One Love. This film will star Kingsley Ben-Adir at Bob Marley. You may remember Ben-Adir from his strangely bland turn as Malcolm X in One Night In Miami. The film was also directed by the same director who did King Richard.

The film is opening wide on January 12th, 2024. Here’s the trailer:

Here’s The Second Trailer for Martin Scorsese’s Killers of the Flower Moon!

Posted on July 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The second trailer for Martin Scorsese’s Killers of the Flower Moon dropped today.

The first trailer was criticized by some (but certainly not by me) as being a bit too moody and obscure. The second trailer is a bit more action-packed. It leaves little doubt that Robert De Niro is the film’s villain while it’s a bit more ambiguous in what it shows us of Leonardo DiCaprio. (Though who have read the book already know the truth about the character that DiCaprio is playing.) The second trailer definitely plays up the thriller aspect of the story.

Regardless of which trailer does what, I can’t wait to see the film!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.22 “Love Me, Love My Dog/Poor Little Rich Girl/The Decision”

Posted on July 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time for Isaac’s heart to get broken, yet again!

Episode 2.22 “Love Me, Love My Dog/Poor Little Rich Girl/The Decision”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on February 24th, 1979)

Isaac has sworn off falling in love with passengers. As he explains it, he’s fallen in love with a movie star, a singer, a criminal, and a journalist and, every time, the romance ended as soon as the ship docked. Isaac is tired of getting his heart broken and, unlike Doc and Gopher, he doesn’t view romance as just being a game.

Still, as soon as Isaac spots Selena Moore (Debbie Allen) boarding the ship, he’s interested. He insists that he’s not going to act on his attraction but both Gopher and Doc tell him that it’s okay to just have some fun. And when Selena starts showing up at the bar and telling Isaac about her doubts about whether or not she wants to get married to her fiancé, Isaac decides to follow Gopher and Doc’s advice. He and Selena have a shipboard romance.

And, of course, Isaac falls in love. He said that he wouldn’t but he does because that’s just who Isaac is. Isaac is the most sincere character on the show. Gopher is goofy. Doc is a walking HR nightmare. Julie is practical. The Captain is stern. And Isaac is the one who impulsively falls in love, even though he knows he’s probably going to get hurt.

When Isaac trips and falls after one night of dancing, Doc jokingly declares that Isaac will never walk again. Selena runs away in tears. That really should have been a clue that she loved her fiancé more than she was letting on. When the ship finally returns home, Isaac can only watch as Selena greets her fiancé, who turns out to be an older man who uses a wheelchair. Isaac can only wipe away a tear and hand the roses that he got for Selena to a random passenger. It’s a bit sad, even though the outcome was predictable. Ted Lange and Debbie Allen both made the story work far better than one might expect it to.

And it’s a good thing that Lange and Allen worked so hard because the other two stories are nowhere near as strong.

One of the stories features Fannie Flagg as Alicia Finch, an eccentric woman who sneaks her terrier (played by Cricket) onto the boat. (Cricket gets her own credit, which is cute). Alice meets Mason Randolph (Gene Rayburn), a single man who also loves dogs! Unfortunately, Cricket starts yapping and biting whenever she sees Mason. It looks like Alicia and Mason will never be. However, when the boat docks, Mason’s dog is waiting for him. Even though Mason’s dog is quite a bit bigger than her, Cricket takes a liking to him. This story was extremely predictable and Gene Rayburn was a bit annoying as Mason. (Apparently, he was a game show host and he delivers almost all of his lines as if he’s waiting for the audience to applaud.) On the plus side, Cricket was really cute.

Finally, Suzanne Welles (Maren Jensen) is a waitress who has won the lottery but now that she’s rich, she’s not sure if auto mechanic Alan Harmon (Dennis Cole) really likes her or just wants her money. Alan is also the Captain’s mechanic and Stubing comes up with a plan that’s so stupid that it makes you wonder if he should really be in charge of cruise ship. Basically, Stubing tells Suzanne that she’s right about Alan and that he’s only after her for the money. Alan then says that the Captain is correct. Stubing thinks that if Suzanne’s suspicions are confirmed, she’ll be able to relax and fall in love with Alan without worrying about why he’s pursuing her and …. wait, what? How does that make any sense? Why would Suzanne continue to spend time with Alan after he tells her that he’s only interested in her for the money? I mean, the boat is full of single, handsome men. The plan is idiotic but somehow, it works! Everyone tells the captain that he’s a genius. Seriously, what a weird story. I mean, Isaac is pouring out his heart and getting hurt again and the Captain is busy encouraging his passengers to lie to each other.

The cruise was definitely mixed bag. The Ted Lange/Debbie Allen story was nicely done. Cricket was cute. Lauren Tewes got to wear a really pretty dress for the ship’s Mexican Fiesta Night and I loved the sparkly blue evening gown that Maren Jensen wore while having dinner at the Captain’s table. But the non-Isaac stories were, respectively, bland and incredibly dumb. I guess no vacation is perfect.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Jean Cocteau Edition

Posted on July 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, the Shattered Lens celebrates the 134th anniversary of the birth of the great French surrealist Jean Cocteau! It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Jean Cocteau Films

The Blood of a Poet (1932, dir by Jean Cocteau, DP: Georges Perinal)

Beauty and the Beast (1946, dir by Jean Cocteau, DP: Henri Alekan)

Orpheus (1950, dir by Jean Cocteau, DP: Nicolas Hayer)

Testament of Orpheus (1960, dir by Jean Cocteau)

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.4 “Baby/Marathon”

Posted on July 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week’s episode is saved by the one and only Herve Villechaize.

Episode 3.4 “Baby/Marathon”

(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on October 5th, 1979)

Fantasy Island is going to be hosting a marathon competition so Tattoo decides to greet Mr. Roarke while carrying a replica of the Olympic Torch.

Tattoo proceeds to light a huge flame in a cauldron. A group of Islanders start trying to splash water on the fire, leading to Tattoo yelling at them to leave the flame alone. Mr. Roarke, who appears to be even more disgusted than usual with Tattoo’s antics, barks at his assistant to put on his tuxedo and head down to the docks so that they can greet their guests.

Bunny Kelly (Barbi Benton), Gretchen Wasserman (Arlene Golanka), and Olaf Olafsen (Peter Isacksen) have all come to the Island so that Olaf can compete in the marathon and hopefully win enough money to keep their barbell factory open. (Don’t blame me, I didn’t write this script.) When Olaf is injured while trying to lift some weights, Bunny enters the marathon in his place! (At first, Bunny tries to disguise herself as Olaf but, when that doesn’t work, Mr. Roarke declares that Bunny can compete as herself.)

Can Bunny defeat the men who have shown up to run the marathon? Well, it won’t be easy. Bruno Glass (Bruce M. Fischer) is so evil that he often stops in the middle of the race so that he can laugh at everyone else’s misfortune. Helping out Bruno is his trainer, Dr. R.M. Funk (Dick Martin). Using techniques that would be more appropriate for a cartoon, Bruno sabotages the other racers. Somehow, Bruno is able to do this despite the fact that the entire race is being televised live to the world. Fear not! With the help of friendly competitor Eugene (Paul Petersen), Kitty makes it to the finish line. When both Kitty and Eugene sprain an ankle towards the finish line, they carry each other to a tied victory! The factory is saved and everyone falls in love!

As you have probably already guessed, the whole marathon was pretty stupid. There really didn’t seem to be any sort of set rules as to how the marathon would be run. Olaf and Gretchen grabbed a car and drove alongside Kitty for most of the race. Meanwhile, Dr. Funk was somehow able to commit numerous acts of open sabotage without anyone noticing. Because Dr. Funk and Bruno were so cartoonish, it made it difficult to take seriously the possibility that they might win. There was no suspense whatsoever, which made for a pretty boring fantasy.

I preferred the episode’s other story, in which Tattoo was placed in charge of finding a family to adopt an orphaned baby. At first, Tattoo wanted to adopt the baby himself but eventually, he realized that the child would be better off with Thomas (Joshua Gallegos) and Mary (BarBara Luna), two Islanders who already had a large family and who had more experience taking care of babies. There was nothing surprising about the story but seriously, Herve Villechaize’s portrayal of Tattoo’s dilemma was surprisingly touching. While Villechaize was notoriously difficult on the set of Fantasy Island, he also used his fame to speak out in support of abused and neglected children and he really seemed to be put his heart into this episode of Fantasy Island. When Tattoo said that he wanted to make sure the baby had the best and most loving home possible, one got the feeling that he was speaking for Villechaize as well.

So, this was yet another mixed episode of Fantasy Island. Ultimately, it was saved by the sincerity of Herve Villechaize.