Shark Week Review: Shark Warning! (dir by Jimmy Gadd)


2024’s Shark Warning opens with two boys playing on the beach. They’re brothers, and their uncle Ron (David Chokachi) is supposed to be watching them. However, Ron is more interested in having another beer than in watching his nephews. He walks away while they’re playing in the water. As soon as Ron leaves, a shark pops up and eats one of the kids. Well, these things happen up north….

Twenty years later, Alan Rogers (Andrew J. Katers), the brother who was not eaten, returns to his hometown. It’s been a rough few years for Alan. He’s haunted by the death of his younger brother and the sight of that shark. Alan says he’ll never forget that the shark had a scar above its eye. Still, Alan feels like it’s time for him to come back home and start doing something with his life. Of course, the first thing he does is punch out his Uncle Ron.

Ron says that he deserved to be punched, and he tries to reconnect with his nephew. Alan doesn’t want to have anything to do with Ron, but when a shark with a scar above its eye starts to eat the locals, Alan and Ron have no choice but to team up to get revenge!

Now, you may be asking why, after being absent for 20 years, the same shark would return to one particular fishing village. Well, blame the Mayor (Rebecca Ritz). The annual fishing festival is approaching. If the festival isn’t a hit, the town will go bankrupt. Unfortunately, the fish are being kept away from the village by a dam that was apparently built to keep the shark out. The Mayor pays someone to blow up a small portion of the dam so the fish can get through, but, unfortunately, the shark gets through as well. You just can’t trust small-town mayors!

You really have to feel bad for sharks. It’s true that sharks look fearsome and they’ve got those teeth that can pretty much bite through anything, but for the most part, sharks just swim around and eat whatever they run into. They don’t stalk people for years, despite what the movies tell us. Sharks are predators, but they’re not particularly mean-spirited about it. If you leave a shark alone, it will probably leave you alone as well. Even the Soul Surfer girl forgave that shark that bit off her arm because she knew it was nothing personal.

Unfortunately, due to the movies, people have a totally warped view of sharks and their personalities. That’s certainly the case with Shark Warning, which gives us a rather mean-spirited shark. That said, it’s an entertaining-enough film as long as you’re willing to accept the fact that it’s essentially just a low-budget remake of Jaws. It’s an Asylum film, and that pretty much tells you all there is to say about it. If you know, you know.

I did appreciate that one of the characters was named Lisa. Played by Angela Cole, Lisa owned the village’s most popular bar and sighed with frustration when her sister (Lauren Pike) decided to ditch work so she could go hang out at the beach. Both Cole and Pike were convincing in their roles. Even more importantly, from my perspective, is that I got to hear my name while watching the movie. That’s always nice. As for the rest of the cast, David Chokachi — who my sister and I nicknamed “The Bulge” when we last binged Baywatch (if you know, you know) — wasn’t particularly convincing as someone who had ever felt the slightest bit of angst, but he was still likable as Uncle Ron. I will give a shout-out to the actors who played the townspeople, especially the guy who failed to consider that the shark might bump his boat and break his bottle of strychnine. A real shark would never do that, but this is an Asylum shark!

In the end, the shark was definitely the hero of the film, and that’s the way things should be.

Film Review: Survive The Game (dir by James Cullen Bressack)


Looking at the title of 2021’s Survive the Game, you may be tempted to wonder what game the characters are attempting to survive.

The answer is that there isn’t a game, unless you’re one of those people who still insists on using “The Game,” to refer to the drug trade because you once heard someone do the same thing on The Wire.

Though there are no games, the film is full of people who are trying to survive.  For instance, after a drug bust gone wrong, Detective David Watson (Bruce Willis) is trying to survive having been shot in the gut.  He manages to do so surprisingly well, even though he’s being held hostage by the bad guys.  The leader of the bad guys, Frank (Michael Sirow), is supposed to be a fearsome torture expert but David just smirks at him.

David’s partner, Cal (Swen Temmel), survives by running to a nearby farm.  The farm itself is owned by Eric (Chad Michael Murray), a veteran who is haunted by the death of his wife and who just wants to be left alone.  With the bad guys surrounding his farm and looking to eliminate all of the witnesses, Eric teams up with Cal.

There’s a lot of bad guys in this film and they’re all so eccentric that they really do become the main attraction.  The bad guys are occasionally entertaining.  They spend a lot of time bickering and each one has at least one particularly obnoxious personality trait that can be used to distinguish one from the other.  Most of them have a tattoos.  One has a mohawk.  Quite a few have brightly colored hair.  You can’t help but wonder how any of these people could possibly be successful criminals because they’ve all gone out of their way to make sure that it will be easy for law enforcement to spot and identify them.  To once again cite The Wire, Wee-Bey Brice yelled at at his son Namond for not shaving his head because the police would be able to easily spot Namond’s haircut.  Wee-Bey had a point.

Anyway, this is a siege film.  Cal and Eric spend almost the entire movie running around the farm and picking off bad guys.  For those of you who are into this sort of thing, some of the kills are imaginative and ruthless.  Interestingly, some of the bad guys are presented as being more sympathetic than the film’s heroes.  They have their own relationships and fears and they get upset when their friends are killed.  I actually felt a little bit bad for some of them. It makes Survive the Game slightly more interesting than the usual DTV B-action movie.

As you may have guessed, this is another Randall Emmett production.  Emmett is best-known for his ability to get former and current A-listers to take small roles in his B-movies.  As such, an actor like Bruce Willis or Sylvester Stallone would put in a day’s worth of work and the film could be advertised as starring Bruce Willis as opposed to Chad Michael Murray.  In Survive The Game, there’s a somewhat endearing moment that occurs when Willis appears to start laughing at the ludicrous dialogue to which he is being subjected.  That said, Willis was obviously not doing well when he appeared in this film and it does make some of his scenes somewhat difficult to watch.  The viewer really does end up missing the Bruce who could drive Alan Rickman to distraction.

Survive the Game is a film that I had long meant to watch, though I’m not sure why.  I think the title appealed to me.  Again, I’m not sure why.  It’s better than some of Emmett’s DTV action movies but it’s still pretty forgettable.  I would still watch a prequel about how the mohawk guy became a ruthless mercenary.  It seems like there’s probably a story there.

Cleaning Out The DVR, Again #35: A Father’s Secret (dir by R. D. Braunstein)


(Lisa is currently in the process of trying to clean out her DVR by watching and reviewing all 40 of the movies that she recorded from the start of March to the end of June.  She’s trying to get it all done by the end of July 11th!  Will she make it!?  Keep visiting the site to find out!)

Father's Secret

(MINOR & MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW!)

The 35th film on my DVR (only 5 more films to go!) was A Father’s Secret.  A Father’s Secret originally aired on the Lifetime Movie Network on June 19th.  It’s about a father who has a secret!

Actually, it’s about more than just that.  It’s also about an attorney named Carrie Evans (Willa Ford).  Carrie would appear to have everything.  She has great hair, a great job, a great apartment, and a great boyfriend.  What she does not have is any knowledge of who her mother was.  She’s close to her father, however.  Or, at the very least, she’s close to the man who she thinks is his father.  He’s not actually her father but that’s all a part of the secret.

Carrie is also close to Cagswell Foxx (Daniel Hugh Kelly), the senior partner at the law firm.  Cagswell is rich, old, white, and politically ambitious so we already know that he’s going to turn out to be a bad guy.  Cagswell has assigned Carrie to defend an oil company in a wrongful death lawsuit.  (Boooo!  Oil company!  Hissssssss!)

One night, Carrie is shocked when she receives an envelope that is full of pictures of her undressing.  At first, Carrie assumes that it must have been sent by environmental activist, Greg (Aidan Bristow).  However, Greg tells her that the picture were sent by Cagswell.  Why?  Because Cagswell wants to have something on her, just in case he needs to use it in the future…

Wow, that Cagswell is really evil!

Carrie decides to take a closer look at the details of that wrongful death case.  As she illegally goes though the files in Cagswell’s office, she comes across a picture of a youngish Cagswell with a woman who seems oddly familiar to her.  Carrie decides to discover the woman’s identity and soon learns that the woman has been missing for decades.  And the last person she was seen with?  Cagswell Foxx!

Of course, Cagswell isn’t just interested in covering up crimes and helping out the oil companies.  Cagswell is also running for the U.S. Senate!  Do you think all of this could possibly lead to Carrie challenging Cagswell right in the middle of a political rally?

Of course, it could!

A Father’s Secret is predictable but well-done.  Daniel Hugh Kelly is properly sleazy as Cagswell, while Willa Ford is surprisingly credible as a lawyer.  Director R. D. Braunstein brings a surprising amount of visual flair to this Lifetime film, with the film’s opening montage being especially well-done.  A Father’s Secret is full of melodrama and silly plot twists and, in the end, it’s a lot of fun!

What more can you ask for, really?