Tag Archives: Baywatch

Retro Television Review: Baywatch: Panic At Malibu Pier

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be purchased on Tubi.

Today, I start a new series of reviews.  Since I already did Baywatch Nights, it just made sense to go ahead and do Baywatch.  All together, this show ran for 11 and a movie so it should only take 241 weeks to finish up the series….

“Baywatch: Panic At Malibu Pier”

(Dir by Richard Compton, originally aired on April 29th, 1989)

It’s not easy being a lifeguard.

That would seem to be the main theme running through Panic at Malibu Pier, the two-hour movie that also served as a pilot for Baywatch.  Consider the drama:

Mitch Buchanan (David Hasselhoff) loves the beach and he loves getting in the water but it’s cost him his marriage and now, his ex-wife (Wendie Malick) is suing for sole custody of their young son, Hobie (Brandon Call).  Hobie doesn’t like going to school.  He doesn’t understand why he can’t just spend all day on the beach like his father.  Mitch, meanwhile, has been promoted to lieutenant of Baywatch and he’s now no longer supposed to do rescues.  He’s just supposed to supervise the other lifeguard.  His boss, Captain Thorpe (Monte Markham), is very insistent on that.  Mitch explains that he doesn’t even like wearing socks.  Ewwww.  You have to wear socks, Mitch!

Eddie Kramer (Billy Warlock) is a rookie lifeguard.  He finished at the top of his class but he’s also a tough kid from Philadelphia who grew up in the foster system.  Shauni (Erika Eleniak) is another rookie lifeguard who freezes up when she has to provide CPR to a drowned girl.  Her mentor, Jill (Shawn Weatherly), tells Shauni that it happens to every lifeguard.  I bet it’s never happened to Mitch.  Shauni seems to have a crush on Eddie and Eddie seems to be driven to prove himself.  Eddie has guts because he wears a Philadelphia t-shirt in California.

Al Gibson (Richard Jaeckel) is the veteran lifeguard who is reaching retirement age and who dies at the end of the episode and gets a big lifeguard funeral on the beach.

Trevor (Peter Phelps) is the Australian lifeguard who calls everyone “mate.”

Finally, Craig Pomeroy (Parker Stevenson) is the attorney who prefers to spend his time in his lifeguard tower.  Even when he should be at the office and working for his clients, Craig just hangs out at his tower.  He saves the life of a disturbed teenager named Laurie (Madchen Amick).  Laurie subsequently becomes obsessed with him.  When the married Craig tells her to stay out of his lifeguard tower and stop taking off all of her clothes, she accuses Craig of assaulting her.  Later, she tries to murder Craig’s wife (Gina Hecht).  This all could have been avoided if Craig had just gone to his office like he was supposed to.

This pilot film for Baywatch has everything that the show would make famous — stiff line deliveries from the supporting cast, red swimsuits, David Hasselhoff’s earnestly goofy sincerity, slow motion, and plenty of musical montages.  Amongst the guest cast, Madchen Amick stands out at the obsessive Laurie, showing an ability for handling melodrama that would be put to good use on Twin Peaks.  Take a drink every time Mitch says, “Rescue can,” and see how long you can go before passing out.  Unlike a lot of pilots that don’t really resemble the eventual show, Panic at Malibu Pier is unmistakably Baywatch.

And, watching it, you can see why the show eventually became a success.  The beach scenery is nice.  The men are athletic, the women are pretty, and the slow motion is cool the first time you see it.  Of course, the most important thing about the pilot — and the show itself — is that it doesn’t require a good deal of attention.  It’s one of those things where you can step away from the screen for a few minutes and then come back without having worry about having missed anything important.

Panic at Malibu Pier was a ratings hit.  Baywatch followed.  We’ll get into that next week.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/9/22 — 10/15/22

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I spent most of this week watching movies but I did catch a few shows.  Here’s some thoughts on them:

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

Ava is such a cool principal!  This week’s episode wasn’t as strong as the previous three episodes but the scenes in which we saw how Ava dealt with disciplinary problems were entertaining.  “I want to go to the principal’s office!”

The Amazing Race (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I reviewed the latest episode of The Amazing Race here!

Atlanta (Thursday Night, FX)

Another crazy day at the mall.  I’m glad Al survived.  Earn and Darius got their shoes.  The Crank Dat Killer was taken off the streets.  Some Guy Named Doug finally got to collaborate with Al.  Another day in Atlanta.

Bachelor in Paradise (Monday and Tuesday Night, ABC)

Eh.  This season is too complicated for me.  The scenery’s nice.

Baywatch (Weekday Morning, H&I)

I watched an episode of Baywatch on Wednesday morning.  After an accident left him paralyzed, Manny had a crisis of confidence.  Meanwhile, Neely and Mitch continued to argue on the beach.  This was an episode from Baywatch’s final season.  It was all a bit silly but the scenery was nice.

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

You can read my review of what I watched by clicking here!

Full House (Sunday Evening, MeTV)

In the first episode, Aunt Becky went back to work and Danny panicked because it meant his new girlfriend would be leaving Wake Up, San Francisco.  Fortunately, she got hired to do weather so I guess that all worked out.  Becky going back to work reminded me of how little Jesse actually does.

In the second episode, a singer was hired to perform at Stephanie’s birthday party.  Stephanie had a crush on him but he had a crush on DJ.  The singer was like 30 so he really shouldn’t have had a crush on either of them.

Ghosts (Thursday Night, CBS)

Poor Jay!  He just wants some friends, like his wife has with the ghosts.  Unfortunately, he always seems to end up finding the worst possible friends around.  This week, he nearly got sucked into a cult.  Perhaps Jay should follow the ghost’s advice and become a snake oil salesman.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

O’Shay being eliminated was not a huge surprise.  It really should have happened last week, when he tried to send out raw chicken.  The episode ended with Chef Ramsay announcing that the 20s vs. 40s competition was over and the show was reverting back to its usual women vs men format.  Again, this wasn’t a huge surprise.  Hell’s Kitchen, unlike several other reality shows, has pretty much stuck with its original format and I don’t see it changing any time soon.

Interview With A Vampire (Sunday Night, AMC)

I’m still struggling to get into this one, for whatever reason.  I’ll give it another try next week and maybe rewatch the first two episodes as well.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

This week, the criminal was a serial killer who was also a famous actor.  The episode wasn’t anything special but at least it wasn’t obnoxiously political.

Law & Order: Organized Crime (Thursday Night, NBC)

I watched it but I’d be lying if I said I remembered a thing about it, beyond Stabler looking like he was about to give himself a heart attack with all of his pent-up rage.

Law & Order: SVU (Thursday Night, NBC)

Again, I watched it but I don’t remember much about it.  By broadcasting all of these Law & Order shows on the same night, NBC is causing them to blend together in my mind.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I reviewed what I watched here!

Mike Judge’s Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount Plus)

I honestly thought last week’s episode was the season finale but it turns out I was wrong!  A new episode dropped on Thursday.  Beavis and Butt-Head building their own dinosaur was hilarious and also sad.  “Why did we do this?”

The Real Love Boat (Wednesday Night, CBS)

Who cares?  The old Love Boat is more fun.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I reviewed the latest episode of Survivor here!

Talking Dead (Sunday Night, AMC)

I didn’t pay much attention.  Chris Hardwicke seemed kind of bored with it all.

The Walking Dead (Sunday Night, AMC)

I hate to admit it but I have yet to find the time to write out full length reviews of the past two episodes of The Walking Dead.  Hopefully, I’ll get a chance to do it next week.  As for last week’s episode, it was an improvement on the episode that came before it.  I’m kind of bored with the downfall of the Commonwealth, though.  I think the show made an excuse taking that long break before starting the final half of season 11.  I was really into the show before that break but now I’m struggling to get reinvested.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 3/13/22 — 3/19/22

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I probably watched too much television this week.  It happens.  But, on the plus side, I finally finished the first season of Baywatch Hawaii and I’m making progress on Silk Stalkings.  Plus, The Bachelor is over and I’m finally going to get a break from that franchise.  It’s always good to find the positive in things.

Here are some thoughts on what I watched this week:

American Idol (Sunday Night, ABC)

Despite having announced last week that they had found the next great superstar in that girl who played the piano, the American Idol judges were back for more auditions this week.  As I’ve been saying ever since this season began, American Idol could use a little more negativity.  I know that we’re all supposed to be super supportive nowadays but these shows are more fun when some obnoxious dude who can’t carry a tune gets his dreams shattered by a snarky Brit.  Maybe Katy should bring Orlando with her to the next set of auditions.  He seems like he could handle the role.

That said, I did like the gospel singer because he seemed to be a genuinely nice person and I just hope the show doesn’t ruin him.  If he says he wants to sing gospel, let him sing gospel and let America decide whether or not to keep him around.  Personally, I’m not a huge gospel music fan but whatever.  It obviously meant a lot to him.

The Bachelor (Monday and Tuesday Night, ABC)

Mostly because I found Clayton to be rather dull (hence, why I called him the Claytonbot), I didn’t watch much of the latest season of The Bachelor.  (It didn’t help, of course, that the Bachelor was scheduled opposite both Celebrity Big Brother and the Olympics.)  However, I did join my BFF Evelyn to watch the two-part finale on Monday and Tuesday nights.

Wow, what a mess.  The Claytonbot finally learned what love is and then promptly told three separate women that he was in love with them.  He then slept with two of them, which led the third one — Susie — to leave the show.  Then, at the Rose Ceremony, Claytonbot informed Gabby and Rachel that 1) he loved both of them and 2) that he had slept with both of them.  This caused Gabby to walk off the show.  Claytonbot, however, convinced Gabby to come back and accept the rose.  The next day, Gabby and Rachel both had a nice meeting with the Claytonbot’s human family.  After Gabby and Rachel left, Claytonbot informed everyone but the two women that he had decided that actually was in love with Susie and that he wanted a chance to try to convince her to return to the show. It didn’t seem to occur to the Claytonbot that Gabby and Rachel might not be happy with the idea of going through all of this emotional turmoil just so he could then track down the woman who had previously dumped him.  The Claytonbot’s human family looked deeply disappointed in him and somewhat embarrassed to be associated with him on national television.   That was all on Monday’s episode.

Tuesday’s episode was even messier as the Claytonbot dumped both Gabby and Rachel because he had decided that he was “most in love” with Susie.  Gabby yelled, Rachel cried, and they both ended up leaving.  Claytonbot proposed to Susie and Susie …. turned him down.  Bachelor Nation rejoiced!  But then host Jesse Palmer revealed that, after filming wrapped up, Susie slid into the Claytonbot’s DMs and now the two of them are dating.  The live studio audience was not happy, especially when Claytonbot said that all of the emotional turmoil was worth it to end up with Susie.  Try telling that to Gabby and Rachel, you dumbfug!  (I gave up cursing for Lent.)

Anyway, this season of the Bachelor ended not with an engagement but instead a lot of pain and hostility.  At least Gabby and Rachel will be the next bachelorettes.

Bar Rescue (Sunday and weekday mornings, Paramount)

I watched one episode on Sunday morning.  The owner of an Irish pub was drinking too much so Jon Taffer called him a jerk in front of all of his friends.  That probably helped with the alcoholism.

On Monday, I watched another episode.  In this one, Taffer and the crew revealed that the bar was selling cheap beer at premium prices.  This, of course, led to a Roadhouse-style bar brawl.  If only Dalton had been there to break it up.  Oh well!

On Tuesday, I again watched one episode.  Why was I watching so much Bar Rescue?  It’s kind of a fun show.  Jon Taffer is amusing and the show itself has a sense of humor about itself.  Anyway, Tuesday’s episode was about yet another bar owner who had a drinking problem.  Why do so many drunks end up owning bars?  I would never want to mix my hobbies with my day job.  Taffer yelled at her to get sober and, by the end of the episode, the alcoholism had been vanquished and the bar was making a lot of money.  Yay!

Baywatch Hawaii (Prime and Hulu)

On Tuesday night, I watched two episodes from the first season of Baywatch Hawaii.  The first episode featured Jessie training for a triathlon and then abandoning the race as soon as she realized that the team needed her to help out with a rescue.  Jessie put aside her personal goals for the good of the team.  If I was in a similar situation, I cannot say that I would have done the same.  This second episode that I watched featured Sean, Jenna, and the team heading to the Big Island for a conference on drowning.  With Jenna’s help Sean came to terms with the drowning death of his son.  Both episodes felt like they had been assembled from scenes that had been cut from previous episodes.  There was an odd subplot during the first episode in which Jason was haunted by an apparently malicious water demon.  That whole storyline got abandoned after 20 minutes and was never mentioned again.  It was odd.  Like, seriously, how do you just forget about a water demon?

On Wednesday afternoon, I finally finished up season 1 with the final two episodes of the season.  Top-billed David Hasselhoff, who was absent for most of the season, finally returned as Mitch Buchanon.  In the first episode I watched, he helped Jessie’s grandfather deal with the guilt that he felt over surviving the attack on Pearl Harbor.  Awwww!  Make fun of the Hoff all you want but sentimental stuff like this is what he’s good at and it was actually a pretty effective episode (by Baywatch Hawaii standards, of course).  The 2nd episode and the season finale featured Mitch …. GETTING BLOWN UP BY ECO-TERRORISTS!  Well, I guess that’s one way to get out of the show.  (Reportedly, the Hoff felt that he had been typecast as a result of his work on Baywatch.  Well, when you do a show for ten years, that will happen, I suppose.)   From what I understand, though, there was later a Baywatch reunion movie that established that Mitch actually survived the explosion, though with a case of amnesia.  That’s good because Mitch deserved better.  Other than Mitch getting blown up, the most interesting thing about this episode was that it revealed that both he and Sean were apparently part-time CIA agents, along with being lifeguards.  Good for them!  It’s always interesting to me how many part-time CIA agents there are on shows like this.

On Friday afternoon, I watched the first episode of the second season of Baywatch Hawaii.  There was no mention of Mitch or his sacrifice.  No one even seemed to be in mourning.  Instead, the episode introduced the viewers to a few new trainee lifeguards and also one new senior lifeguard, played by Brande Roderick.  Quite a few members of the first season cast were gone without explanation.  Jason Momoa was still there, however.  He looked kind of embarrassed.  As for the episode itself, it dealt with Sean and a former friend of his, an arrogant jet skier who didn’t care about stuff like teamwork.  *GASP!*

Beyond the Edge (Wednesday Night, CBS)

In this new reality show, 9 celebrities spend two weeks in the jungle and compete to raise money for charity.  Who will stay the entire two weeks!?  I watched the first episode and I don’t really care.  The celebs don’t really have any sort of personal stake in all of this so the competition aspect of it all is pretty dull.  I’m just glad that they’ve never done a celebrity edition of Survivor.  You know it’s going to happen someday, though.

The Bold and the Beautiful (Weekday Afternoon, CBS)

I watched an episode of the world’s greatest daytime drama on Tuesday afternoon.  Not much happened in the episode but the clothes were to die for and everyone owned a really nice house.  That’s the important thing.  It’s still hard for me to accept anyone other than Ronn Moss as Ridge.  Yes, I know it’s been ten years since Moss left the role but you have to understand that I don’t watch this show that often so, in my mind, it should still be exactly the same way that it was in 2009.

The Brady Bunch (Sunday Afternoon, MeTV)

MeTV showed four driving-related episodes of The Brady Bunch on Sunday.  Greg bought a car, without talking to his father about it first.  Carol had an accident and was sued by the other driver, who was faking his injuries.  Greg was told that he would not be allowed to drive his car for a week after nearly having an accident and then outsmarted his father by driving someone else’s car.  Marcia tried to get her license and this, of course, led to her and Greg getting into a fight over whether men were naturally better drivers than women.

I’m a bit disappointed that MeTV did not show the controversial episode were Mr. Brady ran over the homeless guy and then forced Alice to take the blame.  (Fortunately, Alice got out of prison just in time to appear on The Brady Bunch Variety Hour.)

Children’s Hospital (Hulu)

Yay!  My favorite medical show is on Hulu!  I rewatched season one on Sunday night.  Fortunately, since there were only five 11-minute episodes in that season, it only took me an hour.  But what an hour!  How great it was to see the early days of Children’s Hospital, when Dr. Cat Black was narrating her thoughts and Dr. Lola Spratt was pretending to have a brain tumor so she could break up with Owen.  And let’s not forget Dr. Blake Downs, curing people with the power of laughter!

Court Cam (Wednesday, A&E)

I only watched one episode on Wednesday evening.  This episode featured too much true crime footage for me.  I prefer when the episode focuses on lawyers acting strangely and judges speaking sarcastically.  Watching the actual crimes that led to people ending up in court in the first place just isn’t as much fun.

The Dropout (Hulu)

I reviewed the latest episode of The Dropout here!

Full House (Sunday Afternoon, MeTV)

Things continued to get heated at the Tanner household.  First, Joey and Jesse had to write a jingle together.  Then, the Beach Boys mysteriously showed up.  This was followed by Joey trying to be an authority figure as opposed to just a second-rate comic with an angry ex-girlfriend.  Finally, Danny was frustrated to discover that there apparently wasn’t a single woman in San Francisco who hadn’t already dated Jesse.  Poor DJ and Stephanie, it had to be traumatic growing up in that household!  That said, everything always worked out in the end.  The sentimental music would play.  Danny would say something wise.  The audience would respond with, “Awwwwwww!”

Happy Days (Weekday Evenings, MeTV)

I’m never quite understood the popularity of this old show but I did watch one episode on Tuesday evening.  The Fonz had to convince his cousin, Spike, not to be a delinquent.  Ron Howard only appeared for a few minutes at the start of the episode.  I guess it was largely filmed during his week off.

Inventing Anna (Netflix)

On Friday, I finally decided to return to watching Inventing Anna.  It’s not so much that Inventing Anna is any good (it’s not) as much as it’s just a case of me not wanting to leave anything unfinished.  I started watching this show and dammit, I’m going to finish it!  Even if it takes me until 2024.

Anyway, I finally watched the 6th episode, which was all about Anna and her friends traveling to Morocco and Anna apparently committing credit card fraud in order to pay for the whole vacation.  To be honest, though, the episode was really about the character of Vivian Kent bulging her eyes and going overboard with the facial expressions while listening to everyone’s story.  After spending an hour presenting Anna as being a terrible and manipulative friend, the episode suddenly shifted gears and had people talking about how, “I felt so sorry for Anna, in Morocco all alone.”  It was kind of annoying and didn’t make much sense.  Nothing about the way Anna has been portrayed on this show makes it believable that she would inspire that type of loyalty.  Maybe I’ll finish this show next year.

King of the Hill (Hulu and weekday afternoons on FXX)

I watched one random episode on Hulu on Monday evening.  Kahn mortgaged his house to be buy Scrubby’s Car Wash, which was apparently an Arlen institution despite having never been mentioned on the show before this episode.  Needless to say, Kahn’s abrasive management style was not a hit with the redneck customers and eventually, Mr. Strickland had to step in.  It was an okay episode, if not one of the show’s best.  The highlight of the episode was the introduction of infomercial huckster Dr. Money.  Dr. Money promised to make his customer so rich that they would have “champagne for breakfast and caviar for your cat!”

On Tuesday, I watched four episodes on FXX.  I watched as Peggy attempted to run a used bookstore and end up instead running a gun shop.  I watched the classic Halloween episode where Louanne ended up a prisoner of insane pork product industrialist Trip Larsen.  This was followed by the episode in which Dale was hired to kill the rats at the Mega-Lo Mart and instead discovered that jazz trumpeter Chuck Mangione was secretly living in the store.  Finally, I watched an episode in which Louanne became a boxer and ended up fighting George Foreman’s daughter.  Hank nearly got into a fight with Foreman himself over whether or not the Foremen Grill was a novelty product or not.  Luckily, George’s son broke up the fight.  “No, Daddy!  He ain’t worth it!” still makes me laugh every time that I hear it.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

On this week’s “ripped from the headlines” Law & Order, a tennis player who was definitely not meant to be one of the Williams sisters stood accused of murdering a family court judge.  The tennis player went with an insanity defense, claiming that she was suffering from a manic episode at the time of the murder and that only her father’s conservatorship could keep her from losing control.  So, just like that, the episode went from being about the Williams sisters to being about Britney Spears.  In short, this episode was so ripped from the headlines that it was actually kind of dumb.

The Love Boat (Sunday Afternoon, MeTV)

On this week’s cruise: Sharon Gabet, Laurence Lau, Denise Miller, Taylor Miller, Robert Pine, Janine Turner, and Ruth Warrick.  Admittedly, that’s not exactly the most memorable list of passengers and it was a bit of a silly episode.  Somehow, Gopher got trapped in a suit of armor while a preacher was romantically pursued by two of his followers.  And then, out of nowhere, there was this huge dramatic storyline, in which Warrick tried to forgive the son of the man who killed her husband in a drunk driving accident.  It was an odd cruise but the scenery was nice.

M*A*S*H (Hulu and Weekday Evenings, MeTV)

Like Happy Days, this is another old show that I usually don’t really care for but I did watch two episodes on Tuesday.  Both of them featured Alan Alda talking about how much he hates the war and basically getting in everyone else’s way.  Like, seriously, Hawkeye — EVERYONE HATES WAR!  It’s not all about you.

On Friday, I discovered that M*A*S*H is on Hulu and I decided to give the show another shot, mostly because people really do tend to rave about it.  Jeff suggested that I check out a later episode called “Dreams” and oh my God, was it effective!  While dealing with a seemingly never-ending amount of wounded soldiers, each of the main characters tried to get an hour or two of sleep and everyone ended up having a dream about what the war was doing to them, mentally.  It was a bit heavy-handed but it was undeniably effective.  Who knows?  I may have to give this show another shot next week.

Saved By The Bell (Saturday, E!)

E! did a Saved By The Bell marathon on Saturday.  I watched as Kelly broke up with Zack, Zack solved the mystery weekend, and Johnny Dakota tried to get all the students at Bayside hooked on the weed with roots in Heck.  Bad Johnny Dakota!

(Yes, I said “roots in Heck.”  I gave up cursing for Lent.  I realize that I probably could have gotten away with not using Heck because it’s a name of place, as opposed to an actual exclamation.  But I decided that it’s best not to get cutesy with Lent.)

Savoring Our Faith (Sunday Afternoon, EWTN)

Fr. Leon Patalinghug talked about St. Patrick and why we celebrate St. Patrick’s Day while preparing a meal.  I watched this with Erin on Sunday and, somewhat unexpectedly, I enjoyed it.  It’s an Irish Catholic thing.

Silk Stalkings (Tubi)

On Monday, I returned to Silk Stalkings.  I watched the show’s 41st episode, in which Chris got shot at after witnessing yet another fight between a man, his mistress, and his wife. Chris literally couldn’t leave his apartment without witnessing a fight. Once again, the no-funsters at the police department were trying to get Chris in trouble but luckily, Rita was there to solve the crime.  To be honest, it was kind of a confusing episode but, as I’ve said before, this isn’t show that you watch for the plots.  You watch it for the frequently unclothed people committing crimes and having melodramatic conversations.  It’s a lot of fun.

On Tuesday, I watched episode #42.  A serial killer was stalking women who had sought the advice of a fake astrologer.  Chris not only flirted with every woman he met (even if he happened to meet them at a crime scene) but he also tossed the killer into the ocean.  Way to go, Chris!

On Friday morning, I watched episode #43, in which Chris and Rita investigated a murder connected to phone sex and prostitution.  Can you guess what happened next?  If you guessed, “Chris goes undercover as a client and Rita goes undercover as a phone sex operator,” you are correct!  This was a supremely silly episode, largely because there was only one suspect so it was pretty easy to guess who was going to end up getting shot at the end of it all.  Still, Chris and Rita!  How can you not love them?

I followed this with Episode #44 (entitled “Crime of Love”), which was also the first episode of the show’s third season!  Rita suspected that an author that she had previously arrested was responsible for murdering the wife of his publisher.  She was certain that there was no way that he could have reformed but it turned out that he wasn’t the murderer.  Sometimes you have to give people a second chance, Rita!

Since I was on a bit of a Chris & Rita roll, I decided to to watch two more episodes.  The first was Episode #45 (entitled “Team Spirit”), in which Chris and Rita investigated a serial killer who was targeting wealthy men.  However, the most interesting thing about the episode was the B-plot, in which Chris was audited by the IRS after he attempted to write off his wardrobe as a business expense! Even while being audited, Chris couldn’t help but flirt with the IRS agent.  Oh, Chris!

Episode #46 (“The Perfect Alibi”) found Chris and Rita investigating a hot tub murder that was linked to a gang of video tape bootleggers.  It was all very 90s but the main bad guy was named Sorkin so that was kind of amusing.  As usual, every suspect that Chris visited was just getting out of shower when Chris arrived at the apartment.  This happened every single episode but anyone who has watched the show knows that it didn’t matter how many half-naked people tried to come between them, Chris and Rita were always meant to be together.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about this week’s episode at Reality TV Chat Blog!

Talking Dead (Sunday Night, AMC)

Yay!  For the second week in a row, Talking Dead was broadcast from the studio as opposed to Chris Hardwicke’s living room.  Nature is healing.

Vaticano (Sunday Afteroon, EWTN)

It’s news for Catholics!  It’s also Lent so I watched this with Erin on Sunday afternoon.  I couldn’t help but remember the time that we visited Italy and took a tour of the Vatican.  It was, needless to say, beyond amazing.

The Walking Dead (Sunday Night, AMC)

I reviewed this week’s episode here!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/17/21 — 10/23/21

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s a few thoughts on what I watched this week!

(How’s that for a detailed intro?)

Allo Allo (Sunday Night, PBS)

This week, yet another attempt to smuggle the British airmen out of France failed.  As usual, the plan was too complicated to succeed and the British airmen themselves remained cheerfully oblivious to the danger that they’re putting everyone else into.  (“I say,” one of them said after missing his chance to get smuggled out on a fish truck, “When’s the next fish truck?”)  This episode’s highlight was Crabtree getting to speak perfect English to all of the British airmen who had gathered in Rene’s Cafe before then switching back to his usual mangled French to speak with Rene.  Episodes of Allo Allo are not particularly easy to describe but they almost always make me laugh.

The Bachelorette (Tuesday Night, ABC)

I don’t know.  Going straight from one season of the Bachelorette to Bachelor in Paradise to another season of the Bachelorette is a little bit too much.  It works better when there’s some downtime between the seasons.  I have to admit that I was pretty bored with the premiere of the new season.  I mean, the first episode wasn’t even over and already, I was having to listen to all of that crap about whether or not the men were there for “the right reasons.”  The whole thing with Ryan getting kicked off the show felt very staged and pre-planned and Michelle seems like she’ll be canceling a lot of cocktail parties to get right to kicking people off the show.  I think I’ve just been oversturated with this dumb show for the past few months.

Baywatch (Friday Afternoon, H&I)

H&I has changed up their schedule.  Instead of daily showing of Baywatch, they now air a five-hour block on Fridays.  I watched two episodes.  They were both from the 2nd season and I remembered them both from when I binged the show a few months ago.  The first episode featured Eddie trying to clear his name after being accused of assaulting a teenager.  The 2nd was yet another episode where a mysterious woman stayed with Mitch while someone with a gun hunted for her.  This seemed to happen quite frequently to Mitch but he never commented on either the strangeness or the familiarity of it all.

The Brady Bunch (Sunday Afternoon, MeTV)

I watched three episodes on Sunday while working on my Cry Macho review.  The Brady kids were so self-centered that Alice quit.  Greg conspired to make Marcia the head cheerleader.  Marcia fell in love with a much older dentist and decided she was too mature to go on a date with a classmate.  The Bradys were the worst.

Court Cam (Wednesday Evening, A&E)

I watched two episodes when I got home from work on Wednesday.  One episode featured a loser who was arrested several times for pretending to be a traffic cop.  Maybe he wanted to get on Parking Wars.  Regardless of his motivation, everyone he stopped could tell he wasn’t a cop and no one treated him with the respect that he very loudly demanded.  That was kind of fun to watch.

Day of the Dead (Friday Night, SyFy)

I finally watched last week’s premiere on Thursday and I reviewed it for the site.

Fear the Walking Dead (Sunday Night, AMC)

I reviewed the season premiere here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

Once Horrorthon is over and I have the time, I’m going to go back and binge this entire series.

Hunter (Weekday Mornings, ZLiving)

 I watched two episodes of this surprisingly violent 80s cop show on Friday.  I was also working at the time so the show mostly served as background noise.  (I find having the TV on helps me to focus, oddly enough.)  From what I did see, it seemed like an awful lot of people ended up getting shot. In fact, Hunter’s main personality trait appears to be that he’ll shoot anyone.  (The second episode featured Hunter blowing away a psycho motorcyclist played by Don Swayze.)  One thing I will say about the show, though, is that I love the propulsive music that plays over the opening credits.

King of the Hill (Weekday Afternoons, FXX)

I watched two episodes of Tuesday.  In the first one, Bobby became a peer counselor and quickly started to abuse his position.  This is actually one of my favorite episodes, even though Bobby definitely owed Stacy an apology.  The highlight of the episode was Stacy singing, “I’m your Stacy in a bottle.”  The second episode featured Hank visiting the Platter Ranch in Montana and discovering that Henry Winkler was refusing to allow the ranchers to herd their cattle across his land.  Yes, that Henry Winkler.

The Office (Saturday afternoon, Comedy Central)

I watched some classic episodes from season 5.  Dwight and Michael conducted corporate espionage against Prince Family Paper.  Pam and Michael hit the lecture circuit.  Stanley had a heart attack.  Michael’s golden ticket promotion blew up in his face.  I always say that this show started to go downhill after the third season but Season 5 was actually pretty good.

Open All Hours (Sunday Night, PBS)

This week’s episode was actually kind of charming, as it featured Granville dancing in the rain while holding a mop.  For a second, it seemed like Granville might be something other than incredibly depressed. It didn’t last long but it was still good to see him vaguely smile.  Of course, once the rain stopped, it was time to go back to plotting Arkwright’s death.

Saved By The Bell (Sunday Morning, MeTV)

I watched two episodes on Sunday morning.  The first one featured Zack launching a hostile takeover of the student store and then secretly photographing all of the girls for a calendar.  That was kind of icky but at least Kelly got a modeling career out of it.  She even went to Paris, something that was never mentioned in subsequent episodes.  This was followed by the infamous Running Zack episode, in which Zack learned he was Native American and Jessie demanded that Lisa forgive her for being from a family of slave traders.  The important thing is that Zack was able to compete at the track meet.  So cringey!

Silk Stalkings (Weekday Afternoons, ZLiving)

Agck!  Where are Chris and Rita!?  It’s been over a month since I last caught any episodes of this 90s cop show.  I watched two episodes on Friday and Rob Estes and Mitzi Kapture were gone!  Apparently, they left the show and were replaced by two other cops who had the exact same backstory as Chris and Rita.  What a coincidence!  Anyway, the show still featured the same mix of murder, sex, and attractive people getting undressed but these new detectives just didn’t have the same chemistry.

That said, both of Friday’s episodes were enjoyably sordid, featuring a lot of sem-clad, attractive rich people doing a lot of very bad things.  It was fun!  I may have to start binging this show.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about the latest episode of Survivor here!

Talking Dead (Sunday Night, AMC)

This week’s episode was a bit by-the-numbers.  Even Chris Hardwick seemed to be struggling to pretend to be interested in either Fear the Walking Dead or Walking Dead: World Beyond, which was odd since both of those shows were fairly good this week.

Walking Dead: The World Beyond (Sunday Night, AMC)

This week’s episode was actually pretty good.  It still feels like Christopher Pike’s The Walking Dead (or maybe Saved By The Dead) but this week’s episode actually did a good job of capturing the contrast between wanting to be a teenager while, at the same time, having to survive in a world that leaves you with little time to actually grow up.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/3/21 — 10/9/21

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This has been a busy week.  Along with dealing with the Hole of Death, I also took my Dad to and from the chiropractor on Tuesday.  I’ve always been trying to keep up with my horrorthon commitments so I didn’t watch much TV.  That’s probably a good thing.

(“Girl, you watch too much TV!” as my friend Marty would say.)

Here’s a few thoughts on what I did watch:

Allo Allo (Sunday Night, PBS)

Rene had to take pictures of the secret meeting.  Luckily, Michelle of the Resistance supplied him with a totally obvious hidden camera.  He had to hide it under his apron.  How would he operate the bulky camera without anyone noticing, you may be asking.  Michelle also supplied Rene with a fake arm.  Rene went through with it because, as Michelle and others often point out, Rene is the bravest man in France.

Bachelor in Paradise (Tuesday Night, ABC)

It’s now safe to return to the beach.  Bachelor in Paradise is over …. for now!  Three couples got engaged so I guess we won’t see any of them next season.  I’m joking, of course.  They’ll all probably be back next season, even more bitter than ever.

Baywatch (Weekday Evenings, H&I)

While I was cleaning around the house on Sunday, I turned the TV on and had Baywatch going in the background.  It was the pilot film, Panic at Malibu Pier.  The Hoff tried to get used to being in charge while Madchen Amick stalked a lifeguard.

Columbo (YouTube)

Peter Falk vs. Donald Pleasence!  My friend Mark suggested this episode to me after I shared a scene of Pleasence from Wake in Fight.  It’s a terrifically entertaining episode and guess what?  You can watch it here on the Shattered Lens!

Dancing With The Stars (Monday Night, ABC)

It was Britney night!  I was too busy dancing myself to pay too much attention to the dancers on the show.

Flight of the Conchords (Friday Night, HBOMax)

After “dissing” several rappers, Bret formed a gang for his own protection.  Stay cool, Murray!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

This is an entertaining show and I’ve been having fun highlighting here on the Shattered Lens.  Yes, I totally relate to Micki.  We both have red hair and a desire to collect cursed antiques.

Law & Order: Criminal Intent (Tuesday Afternoon, Sundance Channel)

I took my Dad to and from the chiropractor on Tuesday.  The television in the waiting room was tuned to the Sundance Channel and while I waited for my Dad to return, I watched two episodes of Law & Order: CI.  They were obviously very early episodes, as Vincent D’Onofrio was still slightly restrained in his performance as Goren.  One of the episodes featured a killer doctor and was kind of disturbing to watch in a doctor’s office.  Choosing what to show in the waiting room of an office is an underrated skill.  I usually go with one of the retro stations.  The shows may not be challenging but they’re also designed not to cause any undue worry.

Open All Hours (Sunday Night, PBS)

Arkwright, that old perv, finally got to go away with nurse Gladys Emmanuel for the weekend.  Nothing happened, though.  The nurse really seems to be leading Arkwright on, perhaps hoping that someone who isn’t a sociopathic shopkeeper will show an interest in her.  Meanwhile, Granville continued to listen to the voices in his head, undoubtedly imploring him to burn everything to the ground.

Parking Wars (Weekday Mornings, A&E)

Apparently, A&E shows episodes of Parking Wars of every morning.  I watched two episodes while I was working from home on Monday morning.  In the first episode, the people at the impound lot had to deal with an irate “customer.”  Apparently, we were supposed to feel bad for the poor little government quislings who were having to deal with the citizens whose lives they make miserable.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about this week’s episode of Survivor here!

Talking Dead (Sunday Night, AMC)

Chris Hardwicke, who has gone back to being clean-shaven, spent some time talking about Walking Dead, which was cool.  But then he spent even more time trying to get the audience hyped up for Walking Dead: World Beyond and that just felt awkward.

The Walking Dead (Sunday Night, AMC)

I wrote about this week’s episode here!

Walking Dead: World Beyond (Sunday Night, AMC)

I hate to be rude but what the Hell is this?  I guess this show started during my temporary hiatus from all things related to The Walking Dead.  According to Wikipedia, World Beyond is in its seconds season.  AMC advertises the show by saying, “And now, the final season Walking Dead: World Beyond,” as if this show is some sort of landmark event as opposed to just a rather cynical spin-off from one mighty work of pop culture.

Anyway, as far as i can tell, Walking Dead: World Beyond is like a YA version of The Walking Dead.  Instead of adults killing each other and having endless discussions about the ethics of it all, it’s teenagers.  But, from what I saw of the show, it seems like a pretty pale imitation of The Walking Dead and, unlike Fear The Walking Dead, it doesn’t really add anything new to the story.  So, I don’t know if I’ll bother to set the DVR for any more episodes of Walking Dead: World Beyond.  I imagine I will but I probably won’t be very happy about it.

Lisa’s Week In Television: 6/20/21 — 6/26/21

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This was a sad week, as far as television goes. Due to the PBS pledge drive, I didn’t get to watch any of my usual British sitcoms. Plus, Baywatch came to an end so now I have to find a new old show to binge.

202ONE U.S. Olympic Trials (Friday Night, NBC)

I watched the gymnastics trials on Friday night. Simone Biles is amazing. That said, I’m cringing at “202ONE.” Rethink this, NBC.

That said, I’m definitely looking forward to the Olympics this year. I am an Olympics fanatic and I make no apologies for it. (I do, however, prefer the winter games just because of the curling and the skating.) Especially when compared to some people, I managed to stay pretty positive last year but I did get pretty upset when they had to cancel the games.

The Bachelorette (Monday Night, ABC)

The Bachelorette was very emotional this week but, of course, The Bachelorette is emotional every week. Katie isn’t going to put up with any drama or fights this season but fights and drama are kind of the main reason for watching this show. Oh well. Thanks to all the brave internet sleuths out there, I already know how things are going to end. Personally, I think Katie made the right decision, assuming the spoilers I’ve seen are correct.

Bar Rescue (Monday Morning, Paramount)

John Taffer is helping bars survive the Corona Pandemic by yelling at their owners. I hope that strategy works. Watching the latest episode, it occurred to me that the show is currently in a strange place. The whole appeal of Bar Rescue has always been the chance to watch Taffer act like a dick. But it’s not as much fun to watch Taffer yell at people when those people are on the verge of losing their livelihood due to a pandemic. As a result, Taffer has been trying to balance being belligerent with being a nice guy. The end result, so far, has been kind of awkward.

Baywatch (Weekday Evening, H&I)

My Baywatch binge came to an end this week as H&I reached the end of the series and started over again from the start. Here’s my thoughts on how this oddly addictive show wrapped things up.

On Sunday, Mitch and the lifeguards went to Australia! Wait a minute, what? Yes, they actually did This is not a joke. It was a two-part episode called Baywatch: Down Under. After Jake, a lifeguard who had never previously appeared or been mentioned on the show, learned that he had a son in Australia, he went to meet him and Jake’s best friends — who, again, never before mentioned this Jake over the course of the previous 9 seasons of the show — accompanied him. The majority of the two episodes focused on Jake and a bunch of new Australian lifeguards. That’s because Baywatch: Down Under was actually a pilot for a Baywatch spin-off that didn’t happen. It was also kind of a wasted two parter, though the Australian scenery was lovely.

The first of Monday’s episodes featured Mitch and Cody rescuing a violinist who was being held prisoner on a boat. What’s odd is that the episode opened with Cody mentioning that he had broken up with his girlfriend Lani (who was played by Carmen Electra during the previous season). However, since Cody had already been seen flirting with and dating other women all through season 9, that would seem to suggest that either Cody and Lani were already broken up or Cody was just a no-good, dirty cheater. I’m going to guess that, for whatever reason, season 9’s episodes were shown out of production order. As if to prove my theory, the next episode featured Hobie living back at home with Mitch despite the fact that he had moved away to live with his mother earlier in the season. Did the Baywatch producers just not care about continuity? No wonder the show only lasted 11 seasons!

On Tuesday, the recently returned Neely Capshaw tried to 1) seduce Hobie, 2) get Mitch fired, and 3) drug Alex with sleeping pills. This would have all been fun if Gena Lee Nolin was still playing the role of Neely but, for Season 9, Baywatch replaced Nolin with another actress who just have didn’t the same skill when it came to making evil entertaining. Needless to say, Neely did not get away with it. The second episode featured George Hamilton playing himself and really, what more did you need? Well, how about Manny getting paralyzed as a result of a lifeguard accident? After it happened, Manny was bitter but, this being Baywatch, he eventually made peace with his new circumstances.

On Wednesday, season 9 ended not with a bang but with a whimper. The episode was split between Cody searching for a missing boat and Alex trying to figure out who was making elaborate sand castles on the beach. David Hasselhoff and Michael Newman, the two mainstays of the show, were barely featured. As Season 9 came to an end, so did H&I’s collection of Baywatch episodes. Seasons 10 and 11 were rebranded Baywatch Hawaii and, apparently, they were not included in the syndication package. So, the second of Wednesday’s episode was the first episode of season 1, which I really didn’t have much interest in rewatching.

So, I’m done with Baywatch for now. The two seasons of Baywatch: Hawaii are, of course, available on Prime but …. eh. Nine seasons in five months was enough for me, at least for now. Baywatch was an entertainingly dumb show and I’m sure I’ll occasionally catch an episode whenever I’m bored and I want to see some ocean scenery or maybe Cody in a speedo. For now, though, I’m ready to move on and binge another old show.

Court Cam (Wednesday, A&E)

Plenty of drama in the court this week! Court Cam is such a ludicrous show but it’s also rather addictive. Between the showy but shallow editing and Dan Abrams’s breathless narration, it’s hard not to crack a smile while watching.

Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, Monday Night)

The current season of Hell’s Kitchen feels like some sort of demented boomer fantasy. Take the most emotionally fragile 20 year-olds you can find and force them to work for the most abrasive man on television. I’m just waiting for one of the chefs to mention needing a trigger warning.

Anyway, both the red and the blue teams screwed up this week so Chef Ramsay sent two chefs home and then reorganized the teams. I hope it helps because the diners at Hell’s Kitchen deserve the best food possible.

Intervention (Monday Night, A&E)

As soon as Intervention started on Monday night, there was a loud boom of thunder outside, followed by lightning and then pouring rain. Looking around the house, I realized that I wasn’t sure where Doc was so, naturally, I assumed he was outside in the storm. Panicking, I ran out to the backyard and stood there, in my bathrobe, and yelled, “DOC! DOC!” There was no sign of Doc so I ran back inside, grabbed a flashlight, and ran back outside. Shining the light around the backyard, I continued to call for the cat even as I got more and more soaked.

Getting no response and fearing that my beloved cat had been swept away by the storm, I turned to reenter the house and that’s when I saw Doc, sitting inside on a kitchen counter, and watching me through the window with a somewhat bemused expression on his face. (Trust me, cats can be bemused!)

I stepped back inside and, once I finally dried off and changed clothes, Intervention was nearly over. However, the end title cards informed that me that both Nicholette and her father have been sober since 2018 so good for them.

The Love Boat (Sunday Evening, MeTV)

The Love Boat crew goes to Australia! Julie is getting married! Captain Stubing is on the verge of having an affair with Katharine Helmond! Gopher and Doc are competing to impress the new cruise director! Isaac is making drinks while Vicki sacrifices her childhood to essentially do slave labor on a cruise ship! Meanwhile, special guest star Jose Ferrer has captured the missing link and has chained him in a cage that’s been kept in the cargo bay …. wait a minute, what!? Yes, it was a strange episode. Australia looked great, though!

Mom (Friday afternoon, Paramount TV)

I watched four episodes of this long-running commercial for the recovery industry on Friday. Actually, I don’t know if I really watched them as much as I just had them on for background noise. This is probably one of my least favorite shows ever, a 30-minute exercise in 12-step propaganda. Every episode I see of this show, I just find myself wondering if the title characters have ever met anyone whose life isn’t a depressing hellsack. That said, it’s obvious that some people like this show because it’s been on for what feels like 40 years

The Office (Comedy Central, Friday Evening)

I watched the final four episodes of season 4 (Did I Stutter, Job Fair, and the two-part Goodbye Toby) and Season 5’s Weight Loss premiere. Out of that set, Job Fair was probably the weakest, just because it had an entire subplot involving Jim and Andy golfing with a potential client. Jim begging the guy for his business was just cringey and Andy — who was always the most inconsistently written character on the show — was portrayed as being such a cartoonish idiot that it was difficult to watch. Much better was Goodbye Toby (in which Andy was a much more likable character) and Weight Loss (featuring that iconic proposal scene). Did I Stutter is one of the best and most underrated episodes of The Office, with the final conversation between Michael and Stanley being one of the show’s strongest moments.

Sons of Sam: A Descent Into Darkness (Wednesday and Thursday, Netflix)

I reviewed this Netflix docuseries here.

The Vow (HBO2, Saturday)

The Vow, which originally aired last year, was HBO’s lengthy docuseries about the NXIVM cult. This show started with great fanfare and acclaim, the majority of which tapered off as it became clear that The Vow was produced by a bunch of former cult members who were trying to make themselves look better and more innocent than they actually were. The Vow is famous for a scene in which former NXIVM dude Mark Vicente rages that anyone can get sucked into a cult. That may be true but, judging from The Vow, it helps to be intellectually shallow and emotionally needy. Since it doesn’t take much research to discover that Vicente was far higher-up in NXIVM than The Vow acknowledges and that he financially profited from the cult’s pyramid scheme-inspired structure, it’s hard not to feel that Vicente doesn’t really have the moral standing necessary to portray himself as being just another NXIVM victim.

Anyway, HBO2 aired the entire series on Saturday. I rewatched a few episodes and I have to say that I was kind of surprised to discover that Mark Vicente and Sarah Edmondson came across as even more unlikable and disingenuous that second time I watched than they did the first time. Supposedly, there’s a second season of The Vow on the way so I guess we’ll get even more chances to listen to Mark Vicente brag about co-directing What The Bleep Do We Know.

That’s it for this week! Next week, I’ll be selecting new shows to binge!

Lisa’s Week In Television: 6/13/21 — 6/19/21

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Yes, I did watch some television this week.  However, I didn’t actually take any notes about the shows that I watched so this edition of Lisa’s Week in Television might be lacking a little in detail.  Sorry about that!  To be honest, I spent most of this week adjusting to the arrival of summer temperatures and I ended up devoting most of my attention to the air conditioning.

Still, here’s a few thoughts about what I can remember about what I watched this week:

Allo Allo (Sunday Night, PBS)

It was a bit of a silly episode this week.  (I know, I know, they’re all silly.)  Rene had to fly a kite in order to make the new radio work.  (Don’t ask.)  Mimi, the new waitress, was disguised as a nun and she ended up getting twisted in the kite so she ended up as a flying nun.  It made no sense but, perhaps for that reason, it made me laugh.

The Bachelorette (Monday on ABC)

This week, Katie was stunned to discover that one of the bachelors might not have been there for the right reasons!  She sent Cody home because he was apparently only there to increase his profile.  Usually, it takes a few more episodes for The Bachelorette to reach the “He’s not here for the right reasons” stage.  The fact that this season got to it during the second episode worries me a little because this is a franchise that is always at its worse whenever it gets self-righteous.

(I always remember the episode of Burning Love, where the bachelors had to make sock puppets.  Adam Scott said, “This is so stupid.” Cut to Joe Lo Truglio: “And I was like — hey man, I’m here for my son.  Take this seriously!”)

In other news, Mike read a really awkward letter to his “future wife,” explaining why he waited until marriage to have sex.  Like I said, it was hella cringey but it pretty much guarantees that Mike will be the next Bachelor.

Bar Rescue (Sunday Night, Paramount)

It’s been a while since I watched this show.  Watching it on Sunday night, I discovered that John Taffer still apparently believes that not knowing how to run a bar is the worst crime known to man.  “YOU’RE OVERPOURING!  THAT’S MONEY DOWN THE DRAIN!”  Relax, John.  It’s just a bar.

Baywatch (Weekday evenings, H&I)

H&I has started in on the NINTH season of Baywatch and I have to say that I’m getting the feeling that, by the time this season rolled around, Baywatch was just repeating itself and going through the motions.  Every episode that I watched this week featured a storyline that had been done in a previous episode.  So, I guess if you’re wondering how many lifeguard stories there are, the answer is 8 seasons worth.

Let’s see how much I can remember about what I saw this week:

On the first of Sunday’s episodes, the Baywatch lifeguards had some competition from a private security company called — I kid you not — Bayguard!  Mitch and Cody had to prove that Baywatch was just as good as Bayguard, which they managed to do by rescuing a boy in a storm drain.  Mitch and Cody spent a lot of time rescuing people from storm drains.  The second episode was a sweet story about a little boy named Timmy who really liked dolphins.  Timmy also got trapped in a cave so Mitch and the lifeguards had to save him.  It was typical Baywatch stuff but David Hasselhoff always did his best work with the unabashedly sentimental storylines.

On Monday, a mysterious figure was roaming the beach and saving people from drowning!  Could it have been the klutzy new maintenance worker played Brooke Burns?  Since Burns was already featured in the opening credits wearing a Baywatch uniform, that was a pretty easy question to answer.  This was followed by an episode where April felt guilty about a swimmer dying, which was pretty much a remake of an earlier episode in which Caroline felt guilty about a swimmer dying.

On Tuesday, Hobie made his first appearance of the season.  Despite being Mitch’s son, Hobie had been missing in action for the previous few episodes.  (In real life, actor Jonathan Jackson was dealing with an addiction to cocaine that basically led to him being fired from the show.)  Hobie was arrested after a boat he was driving crashed.  However, it turned out that Hobie was not at fault!  Knowing that this episode was kind of meant to be a wake-up call to Jackson about his own behavior made the whole thing awkward to watch.  This was followed by an episode in which one of the lifeguards was selected for Jeopardy.  Unfortunately, she was later disqualified when it was discovered that she knew someone who worked on the show but Alex Trebek still made an appearance and was his usual charming self.

On Wednesday, the first episode featured Mitch having a mid-life crisis, which he previously had two seasons ago.  This was followed by an episode were Mitch befriend an orangutan.  Strangely, Mitch didn’t mention that — during season two — he befriended a chimpanzee.

On Thursday, Cody started using performance-enhancing drugs to increase his chances of going to the Olympics, much as several other characters have done on previous episodes of Baywatch.  This was followed by a skydiving episode which was basically a remake of the skydiving episode from season six.  Of course, the previous episode turned out to be a dream whereas this episode was real.  MITCH CAN SEE THE FUTURE!

On Friday, Mitch adopted a new son named Tanner.  (Hobie, we were told, was now living with his mother.)  This was followed by an episode where April and Craig finally broke up, which seemed appropriate since April was like 19 and Craig was nearly 60.  Craig apparently is a hotshot defense attorney but he was nowhere to be seen in the episode where Hobie was in jail.  Craig is a bad friend.

On Saturday, Peter Barton co-starred as a race car driver who was officially sponsored by …. wait for it …. AOL!  As a result, the entire episode featured people talking about how much they loved AOL.  Mitch’s adopted son even checked his AOL account and got the “You have mail” prompt.  “Hey, pal,” Mitch said, “you got mail!”

When future historians research the 90s, they’ll just watch episodes of Baywatch.

Court Cam (Wednesdays, A&E)

Don’t talk back to the judge or Dan Abrams will put you on TV and make fun of you.

Hell’s Kitchen (Monday Night, FOX)

There was a lot of raw chicken being sent up to the pass this week.  The blue team lost again.  This seems to be the way that it goes every season, though.  The men start out losing, the women get overconfident, and eventually both teams kind of crash and burn.

Intervention (Monday Night, A&E)

The intervention didn’t work this week.  Kelsey went to rehab but relapsed.  It was sad for I’ll give Intervention some credit for admitting that these things don’t always have a happy ending.

Moone Boy (Sunday Night, PBS)

Martin graduated from national school and attempted to make sure that his name would be remembered by future classes!  I remember, in high school, I was convinced the future students would never forget my graduating class.  In retrospect, I’m not sure why I thought that.  It’s not like Saved By The Bell, where the members of the New Class where still talking about the time Jessie got hooked on caffeine pills.  Time marches on.

The Office (Saturday Afternoon, Comedy Central)

Amy Adams just wanted to sell purses.  Michael bought her a $10,000 espresso machine. CRINGE!  Still, hilarious though.

Open All Hours (Sunday Night, PBS)

It was a typical episode of Open All Hours.  Arkwright abused Granville while Granville silently plotted his revenge.

The Powers of Matthew Star (Sunday Mornings, MeTV)

I was dealing with insomnia on Sunday so I did watch an episode of this old sci-fi series on MeTV.  (I used to set the DVR for it but, up until this week, I had kind of lost interest in it.)  Peter Barton — yes, the same Peter Barton who appeared on Baywatch this week — played an alien who was pretending to be a normal high school student.  In this week’s episode, Matthew Star traveled to the Bermuda Triangle and got a tragic message from his homeworld.  It was pretty silly but, as the title character, Peter Barton was sincere enough to nearly sell it.

Saved By The Bell (Sunday Morning, MeTV)

Screech got struck by lightning and suddenly had the power to see the future.  Zack tried to use Screech’s powers to cheat on the History midterm.  Unfortunately, Screech lost his powers and Zack got an “F minus …. for scamming!”

South Park (Wednesday Night, Comedy Central)

“Free Hat!  Free Hat!”  Actually, I don’t remember which episode it was that I watched but the Free Hat episode is always a good a default to go with.

Upstart Crow (Sunday Night, PBS)

Incredibly proud of his new play, Will Shakespeare is stunned to discover that the few women in his life are not as enamored of The Taming of the Shrew as he is.  Will simply cannot figure it out!  This was a funny episode, mostly because it was true.

 

 

 

Lisa’s Week In Television: 6/6/21 — 6/12/21

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Twonky

I’m a little bit late in posting my week in television.  That’s because it’s been a long week, both in television and out!  Here’s  some thought on what I watched:

allo-allo

Allo Allo (Sunday Night, PBS)

On Sunday’s episode, with Rene back at the café and Maria in Switzerland, a new waitress was hired.  Recommended by the Resistance, Mimi LaBonq was just as short as Maria and, it would appear, just as obsessed with Rene.  She was also just a bit more homicidal than Maria, attempting to poison Herr Flick and later beating up an Italian officer.  While Mimi was attempting to kill people (albeit bad people), LeClerc was delivering Rene’s new radio and Michelle of the Resistance was insisting that she would “only say this once.”  And, as always, it was all a hundred times funnier than it sounds.

Having watched enough episodes, I can now see that the humor of Allo Allo really does come down to the fact that everyone has such a bizarrely idealized view of Rene.  “This is the bravest man in France!” Michelle will announce while Rene scurries behind the bar and tries not to get spotted.  The absurd cluelessness of everyone involved is never less than fascinating.

bachelorette 2021

The Bachelorette 17 (Monday Night, ABC)

Yes, we’re doing this again.  Katie Thurston is the latest bachelorette and Chris Harrison is no longer the host.  While I can understand Katie’s decision not to keep the creepy RV guy around, I wish she had because, judging by last night’s episode, this show could really have used a dose of that weird energy.

Baywatch

Baywatch (Weekdays, H&I)

Life on the beach continues, though I do have to say that appears that, in its later seasons, Baywatch started to frequently repeat itself.  How many time can the exact same thing happen to the exact same lifeguards?

On Sunday, lawyer and former lifeguard Craig Pomeroy returned to Baywatch so he could defend the right of one of his clients to die on the beach.  Once his client did die, Craig was free to once again become a lifeguard so I guess it’s good that the old man hired probably the only lawyer in the world who was probably for the opportunity to switch careers and take a massive pay cut.  This was followed by an episode in which a woman disappeared into the ocean because Cody left his lifeguard tower early.  This would seem like a massive dereliction of duty but the show suggested it was no big deal because it was Cody as opposed to some random lifeguard.  Everyone loves Cody!

On Monday, Caroline returned to Baywatch and got held hostage by a criminal.  How many times has this happened to Caroline?  It used to happen frequently to her sister as well so I guess it’s a Holden family trait.  This was followed by an episode in which Craig and April got trapped in a sunken power station.  They survived and it looks like there might romance in the air, despite Craig being in his late 40s and April being 18.

The romance continued on Tuesday, when Manny broke up with April and Craig helped to capture a bunch of reckless jet skiers.  Though April asked Craig to take her to a charity dinner, Craig eventually convinced Manny to take her instead because, again, Craig is like nearly 100 and April is 18.  This was followed by an episode where Cody was trapped underwater and had to be rescued …. wait a minute, didn’t the exact same thing just happen to April and Craig!?  Neely also admitted that she was hooked on pain pills that the real reason she took a leave of absence from Baywatch was so she could have a baby.

On Wednesday, the first episode featured Lani losing her hearing.  Fortunately, she got it back at the end of the second episode because no problem ever lasts longer than two episodes.  During the first episode, Mitch met a woman who was riding a horse across the beach.  In the second episode, cop Garner Ellerbee returned to capture some drug dealers and he als rode a horse across the beach.

On Thursday …. well, who knows?  Cody made the mistake of betting Mitch’s new boat as a part of some silly competition, which is something that I’m pretty sure Logan did at some point during the show’s first two seasons.  During the second episode, Mitch rescued a swimmer who may been sick, which again is something that happened frequently in the past.  As a result, all of Baywatch had to be quarantined!  Only Newman could work the beach, which meant he got to save a bunch of models who were posing for the …. ahem …. new Barbara’s Boutique Catalogue.

Friday was a weird two-part episode.  As occasionally happens when an old show is airing on the retro channels, the show suddenly skipped over a handful of episodes and we jumped, without warning, into the future.  All new opening credits!  All new cast intros, with several regulars now missing!  Suddenly, Mitch was married to Neely and Neely was played by an entirely different actress!  Anyway, the marriage didn’t last because it turned out that Neely was lying about seeing her ex in Alaska (?).  I guess maybe it all would have made sense if the episodes had been shown in their proper order but …. oh well!  The main thing is that Neely and Mitch were no longer married at the end of it all and Neely was no longer a part of Baywatch.

On Saturday, Mitch was stalked and held hostage by a psycho babysitter.  Didn’t that happen to Mitch at least once a year?

brady buch hour

The Brady Bunch Variety Hour (YouTube)

I watched the first episode of this 1977 TV series.  The Brady Bunch sings!  Fake Jan turns out to be more likable than Real Jan!  Peter Brady conspires to replace his father with Tony Randall!  Donnie and Marie Osmond stopped by!  Clowns swam underwater!  The entire family and Alice the maid did the Hustle!  It was …. well, it was something.

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Cellmate Secrets (Monday Night, A&E)

On this new Lifetime/A&E show, cellmates of infamous criminals talk about what it was like living with a temporary roommate.  This week, I learned that Casey Anthony was apparently manipulative and heartless.  Shocker!

Show Boxing

Championship Boxing — Wilder vs Fury (Showtime Extreme, Friday Morning)

This was a boxing match from 2018.  I’m not really a boxing fan, though I do like to see what everyone in the crowd is wearing.  The match was between Tyson Fury and Deontay Wilder and it ended in a draw.  Personally, I wish they both could have won.  I cringed every time I saw a punch land to the head.  That can’t be good!

At one point, during the fight, one of the announcers pointed out that “The Black Panther is in the crowd,” and the camera cut to Chadwick Boseman talking to Mario Lopez in the audience.

Cheaters

Cheaters (MTV2, Friday Morning)

I watched three episodes of Cheaters on Friday morning, from two to three-thirty.  Unfortunately, the guide didn’t list what year they were from but Joey Greco was hosting and, just from the fashion choices made by some of the cheaters, I’m going to guess the episodes were from 2009 or 2010.  Cheaters is, in many ways, a terrible show but it’s also a Dallas-based production so I’m happy it’s out there.  One of my favorite things about Cheaters is that the cheaters often get busted at places that I’ve actually been to.  I’m like, “I’ve been to that restaurant!”

Anyway, all three episodes featured cheaters who didn’t show enough contrition upon getting caught.  Joey Greco’s self-righteous commentary was hilariously overwrought.  All in all, this is a show for the entire family.

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Court Cam (Wednesdays, A&E)

The judges were all sarcastic.  The defendants were unrepentant.  To be honest, the main thing I remember was that someone in the gallery kept yelling at the accused criminals because he didn’t think their bail was high enough.

degrassi minis

Degrassi Minis (YouTube)

Degrassi Minis was a series of 5-minute short films about Degrassi!  They typically had titles like “What if Jimmy could walk?” or “What if Craig married Ashley?”  They presented an alternate reality to the show’s reality and they were often disturbing as Hell.  I watched “What if Jimmy hadn’t gotten shot?,” which featured Jimmy getting a basketball scholarship while a bitter Sean watched from his wheelchair.  So, I guess if Rick Murray hadn’t shot Jimmy, he would have shot Sean?  But, in the “real world,” it was pretty much established that the main reason Rick brought the gun to school was to specifically shoot Jimmy, whom he incorrectly believed has been behind the plot to bully him.  So, if he couldn’t shoot Jimmy, why would he then go after Sean, a character who he didn’t even know?  Why not go after the other people who he thought were in on the plot?

In short, this mini made no sense but both Daniel Clark and Stacey Farber gave good performances as Sean and the ever-loyal Ellie.  Seriously, even in the alternate timeline, Ellie didn’t get enough credit for putting up with everyone’s crap.

friends

Friends (Weeknights, Channel 33)

On Tuesday’s episode, Ross adapted a British accent while teaching and he didn’t both to let Rachel know that he hadn’t actually gotten their Vegas wedding annulled, which was kind of messed up to be honest.  On Wednesday, Joey agreed to keep an eye on someone’s Porsche.  Joey soon started to pretend that it was his Porsche.  It was kind of a stupid storyline but the criminally underrated Matt LeBlanc did a great job selling it.

Hell's Kitchen

Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, Monday Night)

Chef Ramsay’s attempt to mentor Generation Z chefs hit a snag on Monday night when one of the chefs imitated Ramsay getting mad about a dish being undercooked.  The problem was that the dish was undercooked and the chef in question was one who had undercooked it.  Can you guess who ended up going home at the end of service?

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Intervention (Monday Night, A&E)

As I’ve said previously, I always have more sympathy for the druggies than I do for the drunks.  On Monday night, Pam struggled with both drugs and alcohol so my feelings were mixed.  Still, she went to rehab and appeared to be doing better at the end of the show so good for her.

Last Man Standing

Last Man Standing (Sunday, Newsnation)

There are certain shows that just make perfect background entertainment.  These are the shows that you have on television while you’re doing something like cleaning the house or trying to organize your movies.  They keep you from getting overwhelmed by silence but, at the same time, they don’t really demand your attention.  Most of these shows tend to be sitcoms and rather old-fashioned sitcoms at that.  Last Man Standing is a perfect example.  Starring Tim Allen as the often-confused father of three daughters, Last Man Standing was one of the sitcoms that was always more popular with audiences than critics.  I can’t say that I have ever regularly watched it, though the few times I have both watched and paid attention to it, it seemed to be an inoffensive sitcom that, more often than not, worked because of its cast and despite some heavy-handed writing.

For whatever reason, Last Man Standing is one of those sitcoms that always seems to be airing somewhere.  On Sunday, it aired on Newsnation from early in the morning until late in the evening.  I had it playing in the background while I did some work around the house.  I can’t say that I really paid much attention to it.  Tim Allen was confused by his daughters.  His daughters were competing for his attention.  One of the daughter’s had a liberal husband, who was basically the world’s biggest wimp.  It felt more like a series from the late 90s than the 2010s.  But no matter.  It helped me focus on the work I was doing around the house and that was really all I needed.

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Moone Boy (Sunday Night, PBS)

Martin became an altar boy and found out the truth about the Mass Mafia.  It was an enjoyable homage to Goodfellas, even if it did end with the Godfather theme playing over the end credits.  I especially like the fact that Martin’s confirmation name was also Martin.  “That will be easy to remember.”

(For the record, my confirmation name was Sofia.)

The Office

The Office (Comedy Central, All The Time)

On Sunday morning, I watched Safety Training and Product Recall, two classics from season 3. Safety Training featured Michael thinking that he could safely jump off the building and onto a bouncy castle. Product Recall featured Andy dating a 16 year-old high school student. Funny episodes but what the Hell was going on in Scranton!?

Actually, my favorite part of Product Recall was Michael calling the press to let them know about the offensive watermark because, otherwise, how were they going to find out?

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Open All Hours (Monday Morning, PBS)

Poor Granville.  His entire life revolves around that morning milk delivery.  Some morning, the delivery’s going to be delayed and Granville’s going to snap.  It won’t be pretty.

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Parking Wars (Monday Morning, A&E)

“I love South Philly but if you’re parked in the wrong place on one of my streets, you’re getting a ticket.”  Oh, shut up.

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Seinfeld (Weekday Night, Channel 33)

I watched four episodes of this 90s sitcom, two on Tuesday and two on Wednesday.  Two of the episodes dealt with the production of a pilot that was written by Jerry and George.  I’ve always like the episodes with The Pilot, if just because of the way that Jerry Seinfeld poked fun at his own acting limitations.  (“Because he’s my butler!”)  George’s obsession over the box of raisins was another classic, cringey moment.

As for the other two episodes, one dealt with George trying to hire a secretary to which he wouldn’t be sexually attracted (it did not work) and the other was one of my favorites, in which Jerry and George try to figure out how to perfect the roommate switch.  (“I’m not sure of the exact pronunciation but I think it’s called …. ménage a trois?”  “Oh, that’s wild.”  And, of course, later: “I’m not an orgy guy!”)  Really, putting George in any position of authority just seems like the ultimate HR nightmare.

storage-wars

Storage Wars (All Day Tuesday, A&E)

I watched several episodes on Tuesday and, as tends to happen with A&E all-day marathons, they all blended together.  But no matter!  The good thing was that the majority of the episode were from the first three seasons, when the whole show was about Dave getting on people’s nerves and Barry acting all eccentric and somehow managing to injure himself every time he tried to clean out a locker.  To be honest, I don’t think the show has ever really recovered from losing Barry as a regular.

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Upstart Crow (Sunday Night, PBS)

Realizing that his new play, Twelfth Night, just isn’t working, Shakespeare comes up with the brilliant idea to turn it into a jukebox miracle!  Everyone loves the play once the music of Thomas Morley is added but then Morley himself refuses to sign over the rights to his music.  Oh, Shakespeare, will you ever learn?

Twonky

Lisa’s Week In Television: 5/30/21 — 6/5/21

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Between Memorial Day and spending a lot of time deep in thought, I didn’t really watch much television this week. That’s probably a good thing! Here’s a few thoughts on what I did watch:

Allo Allo (Sunday Night, PBS)

Rene and almost everyone else managed to escape the POW camp and they made their way back to the cafe, just in time to open up for the day. Unfortunately, Maria got mailed to Switzerland, which is unfortunate since Maria was the character to whom I always related. Oh well, that’s how it goes when you’re watching a British comedy that might be older than you are. Anyway, the important thing is that life goes on! Of course, the British Airmen are still stranded in France, Rene is still just trying to carry on his affair with Yvette without getting caught, and the British spy pretending to be a French policeman still hadn’t figured out how to properly say “Good morning.”

Baywatch (Weekday evenings, H&I)

The first of Sunday’s two episodes featured Cody and CJ breaking up a nude beach while Caroline, Neely, Samantha, and Mitch prevented a terrorist from poisoning Malibu’s water supply …. wait a minute, what? Every episode of Baywatch is like a weird mix of lifeguard humor and melodramatic action. It’s like 24, if Jack Bauer has spent his spare time running around in a speedo and pulling people out of the water. This was followed by an episode in which Caroline was sued by the mother of someone who died during the previous season. On the one hand, it was realistic to have something like that brought back up after a year. On the other hand, it was hard not to feel that this episode was mostly just an excuse for a clip show.

On Monday, the episode started off with the Baywatch lifeguards transporting an injured sea lion to Sea World. This led to an hour-long commercial for Sea World. The Baywatch lifeguards even designed a new water show for Sea World. The second episode took a jump into Baywatch’s future, as it was a Memorial Day episode from a later season. Suddenly, there were new lifeguards and new opening credits and the entire show revolved around Carmen Electra and Kelly Packard, the former bass player for California Dreams. This episode featured the lifeguards finding a drowned veteran and trying to give his spirit the peace that it deserved by retrieving his dog togs from the bottom of the ocean. Of course, it also featured a lot of slo-mo shots of the team running on the beach. As with most episodes of Baywatch, it was an odd mix of sincerity and exploitation.

The first of Tuesday’s episodes featured Neely and Cody looking for a bipolar surfer who was having a manic episode. It was well-intentioned but, from the point of view of this reviewer who happens to be bipolar, also extremely cringey. It promoted the idea that the only thing you have to do is take your meds and suddenly, you’re magically okay and you don’t have a care in the world. That’s really not the case but let’s move on. The next episode was a bit more fun, as it featured CJ getting kidnapped by a disfigured phantom of the beach type. He may have lived under a pier but he really wasn’t that bad of a guy. It was incredibly silly but kind of fun.

Remember how I mentioned that the Memorial Day episode appeared to be broadcasting from the future? Well, the future began on Wednesday with a new season of Baywatch! The opening credits were slightly different. CJ and Caroline were gone! Both of Wednesday’s episodes attempted to generate some suspense over who would make it through rookie school but, since the opening credits already included Kelly Packard and Carmen Electra as being the new lifeguards, there really wasn’t much suspense to be found. Along with rookie school, the first episode featured Electra being kidnapped by her ex while the second featured Manny becoming a lifeguard despite only having 20/40 vision. Mitch accepted a promotion to captain, presumably so David Hasselhoff would have time to make more movies like Gridlock. In the end, everything worked out for the best. Yay!

Thursday’s episodes were both pretty good. The first one featured Mitch having to pick an new lieutenant. Should he pick JD, an old friend, or should he pick Taylor, who had red hair just like me? The obvious choice was Taylor but JD, who looked almost as good as Cody in a speedo, was given a position with Baywatch as well. The second episode was about a boy named Charlie who was dying of cancer and who spent his last days at Baywatch. It was cheesy but it was also the type of unapologetically sentimental episode that Baywatch usually excelled at. It was the perfect mix of sincerity and schmaltz, made all the more effective by the fact that the episode was inspired by an actual Baywatch fan who passed away shortly before it aired. If you watch the “Charlie” episode and you don’t tear up during the final scenes, regardless of what you may think of Baywatch as a whole, then I would be concerned about your soul,

The first of Friday’s episodes featured the return of Caroline Holden. She came back to Baywatch after spending a few months in New York as a struggling actress. Since she was still listed as a special guest star in the credits, it was easy to guess that she would eventually return to New York, which is what she did at the end of the second episode. Other than Caroline’s return, the first episode also featured some jackass who flew around in a helicopter and shared all the latest gossip about the Baywatch lifeguards. The second episode featured Mitch pressuring Jordan to track down her birth mother. It wasn’t much of a storyline but at least Traci Bingham, who played Jordan, got to deliver more than four lines for once.

On Saturday’s episode, the beach was attacked by yet another sea monster. This time, it was a giant electric eel. Agck! The beach is scary. Manny nearly died but, as always happens on Baywatch, he was brought back to life by a combination of CPR and defibrillators. Yay!

Hell’s Kitchen (Monday Night, FOX)

Chef Ramsay’s back for the 20th season of Hell’s Kitchen! (20th!?) This time, all the chefs are in their very early 20s, which should lead to a lot of emotional meltdowns as Gordon tells them that they’re going to kill someone if they don’t learn how to make a proper risotto. I’m looking forward to it!

Hill Street Blues (Weekday Mornings, H&I)

For me, Hill Street Blues came to an end this week. The final episode of both season 7 and the entire series aired on Friday. Though H&I is now re-showing the entire series from the beginning, I don’t particularly feel the need to go back and re-experience any of it, at least not yet. I will say that, if you want to see a good, retro cop show, Hill Street Blues is available on Hulu, as well as on H&I. The first four seasons are gritty and well-acted and hold up surprisingly well. The final three are increasingly uneven.

Tuesday morning’s episodes were pretty typical of Hill Street Blues in its final season. Neither one of them made much of an impression. For once, neither one of these episodes centered on Norman Buntz. Instead, they increasingly centered on Patrick Flaherty, a patrolman who was added to the cast during the final season and who, in his way, was an even more annoying character than Buntz. Flaherty was always trying to either get laid or getting angry about some minor issue. It didn’t particularly make him an interesting character to watch. Anyway, the first episode also featured Henry Goldblume trying to turn yet another former gang member into an informant. The second episode featured yet another controversial police shooting and it ended with Detective Belker getting shot. I guess that makes sense when you consider that Belker was the only member of the show’s ensemble who, at that point, hadn’t been shot at least once. (Neal Washington, on the other hand, got shot at least three times that I can remember.)

On the first episode of Wednesday morning, there was some fear that Belker might be paralyzed but then it turned out that he wasn’t. The majority of the episode centered on Buntz trying to catch the guy who shot Belker. In other words, one of the show’s longest-running characters got shot and the show made it all about Buntz. The second episode was a silly one about a radio station doing a contest to see who, in the city, could pull off the most outrageous stunt. During the morning roll call, Detective LaRue asked if the police were eligible to win the contest. Patrick Flaherty continued to be the most annoying character on the show by shouting, “Real stunt …. not a sex stunt, DETECTIVE!” Like, seriously, Flaherty, shut the fuck up. Who are you exactly? Why are you taking so much screen time away from the characters that I actually like? Anyway, this was a dumb episode but it did feature brief, before-they-were-stars appearances from Cuba Gooding, Jr. and Don Cheadle.

On Thursday morning, things got started with an episode in which a star football player was arrested for soliciting a prostitute but was then left off the hook because he was a celebrity. Meanwhile, Buntz nearly won the department’s marksmanship contest but, in a rare example of the show admitting that Buntz had flaws, he ended up losing by two points. Meanwhile, newly reinstated Lt. Howard Hunter ended up trapped in a collapsed room and Capt. Furillo made peace with his brother by helping him get a loan. It wasn’t really a terrible episode, though it wasn’t particularly memorable either. The morning’s second episode was a uneven mix of the good and the bad. On the good side, Howard Hunter was rescued after being buried alive for 11 days (he later admitted to honoring a pact that he had made with a friend that the first one of them to die would be eaten by the other), J.D. LaRue survived a near-death experience, and Henry Goldblume finally published a short story. All of these storylines gave underappreciated cast members James B. Sikking, Kiel Martin, and Joe Spano a chance to shine. Unfortunately, they all had to compete for screen time with yet another storyline about Bunt being framed and also the return of the incredibly annoying Grace Gardner. The top it all off, Jesus Martinez returned to the show for his sister’s wedding. The end result was an overstuffed episode that had some good moments but which never quite came together.

On Friday morning, we finally reached the final episode of Hill Street Blues. On the one hand, it felt strange that — after hundreds of episodes — the final episode began and ended with Norman Buntz, a character who wasn’t even on the show when it first started. The storyline of Buntz attempting to prove that he wasn’t a dirty cop was nothing special, largely because every Buntz storyline seemed to involve him having to prove he wasn’t a dirty cop. That said, the finale did get one thing right. By including scenes of LaRue pulling another stupid prank, Bobby and Renko dealing with another fighting family, and Belker finally going through his mother’s belongings, the finale showed that, even though the show was over, life on Hill Street would go on. Crimes would be committed. Life would continue to be a struggle. But, at the same time, there would still be moments of grace and times when people came together to do the right thing. Life goes on, the finale said, even though the faces may change. It was a decent ending for the show, one that did it justice despite the uneven quality of the last two seasons.

Lost In Space (Netflix)

At Case’s suggestion, I finally watched the first episode of this Netflix show. (Only three years late!) The Robinson family was pretty annoying but I liked the robot and I cheered a little when Parker Posey showed up. I imagine I’ll check out the rest of the series eventually.

Moone Boy (Sunday Night, PBS)

Martin’s uncle comes home with stories about being a traveling musician in Europe and working as a roadie for U2. (“Edge would see a really heavy piece of equipment and he’d say, ‘Let Bono get that.'”) Eventually, it turns out that Martin’s uncle has actually been working part-time at a factory for the last few years but Martin’s Dad allows Martin to believe that his uncle had to leave town because U2 was going on tour again. It was a sweet episode.

NASCAR Cup Series (Sunday Night, Fox)

I’m enough of a Southern girl that I can enjoy watching NASCAR. My family loves it and you better believe that we watched the race on Sunday night. One of the drivers was even named Bowman!

Open All Hours (Sunday night, PBS)

I didn’t really pay much attention to Sunday’s episode, as I watched it later during the week off the DVR and the show was having to compete with the cat for my attention. I did notice that Granville looked pretty miserable.

Upstart Crow (Sunday Night, PBS)

The evil Robert Greene tricked Shakespeare into writing Titus Adronicus when his client wanted a comedy! Fortunately, Kate and Marlowe fell briefly in love and inspired Shakespeare to write The Two Gentlemen of Verona instead. Yay! Kate did tell Shakespeare that she doubted the play would be remembered as one of his better plays. “Nonsense!” Shakespeare responded.

Yes, Minister (Monday morning, PBS)

When the Prime Minister shocks everyone by announcing his retirement, everyone scrambles to find a replacement who is free of scandal and who, most importantly, won’t actually do anything once he’s in office. Hello, Jim Hacker! Yay! This charming one-hour episode was apparently the last episode of Yes, Minister before the show became Yes, Prime Minister. I don’t know if PBS is going to show Yes, Prime Minister or not. It’s not currently scheduled but that could just be because the big pledge drive is coming up. Still, regardless of what PBS does, this was a perfect episode and honestly, I got a bit teary-eyed at the end when Sir Humphrey announced that the Party had selected Hacker to be their leader. It was a great moment.

Lisa’s Week In Television: 5/23/21 — 5/29/21

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I didn’t watch much television this week. I was too busy watching movies! However, here’s some thoughts on what I did see:

Allo Alllo (PBS, Sunday Night)

Everyone’s trapped in a POW camp and having to pretend to be British airmen, incuding Yvette! However will they escape? At the end of Sunday’s episode, they were all still in the camp but I’m sure they’ll find a way out. This is one of the strangest shows that I’ve ever watched but, at the same time, I am eager to see how it all (eventually) works out.

American Idol (ABC, Sunday Night)

Yes, I watched all three hours of the finale on Sunday night. I’m not sure why because to say that I felt absolutely no emotional connection to this season of American Idol would be an understatement. Words cannot begin to express how little I cared about anything that happened over those three hours. Why was I watching? Was it nostalgia for a time when American Idol was a big deal? Was it just laziness on my part? Maybe I just wanted to see if I was correct in my prediction that Chayce Beckham would win because of the whole country music thing. I imagine all of those reasons are correct. I’m not going to think too much about it, to be honest. I was tired on Sunday night.

Anyway, Chayce Beckham did win so congratulations to him and congratulations to me for my above average predictive abilities. Yay!

Baywatch (Weekday evenings, H&I)

On Sunday, Baywatch started off with an episode in which a woman purchased a date with Mitch. Mitch took her sailing and, long story short, they ended up trapped on a deserted island. Fortunately, they were rescued by the end of the episode and they even found time to all in love. Yay! (By the way, Baywatch, Lina Wertmuller would like a word.) This was followed by an episode in which, due to a heat wave, the beaches were extra crowded and the lifeguards were extra busy. Complicating things was the President of the United States, who wanted to go jogging on the beach. Since this show was from the 90s, that means that the president was Bill Clinton. Yikes! Get that beach cleared!

Monday started off with an episode in which CJ’s mom came to visit the Baywatch crew and it turned out that she was being pursued by a murderous gambler. It was actually one of the silliest episodes of this show that I’ve ever seen. This was followed by a much better episode that featured all of the lifeguards competing for a chance to take part in an Ironman competition. Once again, the main goal was to defeat a group of arrogant Australians. What did Baywatch have against Australia? The episode ended with all of the lifeguards — American and Australian — diving underwater and lifting up a submerged car, which they then pushed out of the ocean and back onto the beach! It was just ludicrous enough to be brilliant.

Tuesday started off with yet another earthquake episode, along with a storyline about one of the new lifeguards posing for Playboy, which I assume was only included to help promote an issue of Playboy featuring that particular actress. It was dumb. This was followed by an episode in which lifeguards trained to become firefighters and firefighters trained to become lifeguard and …. well, sad to say, it was pretty dumb too. However, Mitch did spend sometime dealing with a man who thought he was a vampire. Way to give Baywatch Nights a shout out!

On Wednesday, the first episode featured Mitch nearly dying after swimming through polluted water. Fortunately, he survived and, in the second episode, he was named Bachelor of the Month and got to pose with a bunch of models. Meanwhile, Stephanie got married and Caroline and Logan realized that they were never, ever getting back together.

On Thursday, the recently married Stephanie died while trying to sail a boat through a sudden ocean storm. It was shamelessly melodramatic and yet, I’ll be damned if it wasn’t emotionally effective as well. Whatever else you may say about David Hasselhoff on this show, he could deliver even the cheesiest of lines with a surprising sincerity. Of course, the episode featuring Stephanie’s death and funeral was followed by an episode where Mitch was invited to appear on a television talk show and it also featured Jay Leno as a guest star. That’s Baywatch in a nutshell, tragedy followed by Jay Leno.

On Friday, the first episode featured a ghost helping Caroline save a drowning child. The second episode featured a bunch of rival gang members setting aside their differences to learn CPR. Both episodes were as clumsily handled as they sound.

Finally, on Saturday, there was an episode that mixed a teen suicide storyline with an unrelated plot concerning CJ and Cody discovering a mermaid. Yes, a real mermaid. “Finally!” Cody exclaimed, “we can prove that mermaids are real!” “No,” CJ said, “that wouldn’t be fair to the mermaids!” In the end, everything worked out and, in its weird way, it was classic Baywatch.

Gangs of London (Sunday, AMC)

Nine episodes of this, I’ve watched so far, and I still don’t have the slightest idea what’s going on. But I do appreciate it as an exercise in pure style and Colm Meaney is convincingly intimidating whenever he shows up in flashbacks.

Hill Street Blues (Weekday Mornings, H&I)

Oh, Hill Street. It’s amazing how quickly this show went downhill during its final days.

On Tuesday morning, the two episodes that aired seemed to share a common thread — i.e., no one at the Hill Street precinct was particularly good at their job. The first episode featured a mob boss getting held hostage while the Hill Street cops stood around and smirked. And believe me, I get it. He’s a bad guy. He’s a mob boss. But still, he was under police protection when he got grabbed so maybe instead of smirking about it, why not give some thought to how you totally screwed up a simple assignment? The second episode featured Norman Buntz getting his finger chopped off by a loan shark. I enjoyed that, mostly because Buntz is such an annoying character. “My shy’s got a soda connection,” he told Capt. Furillo at one point during the second episode. I nearly threw a show at the TV.

At the start of Wednesday’s episodes, Buntz had gotten his finger reattached. He arrested the loan shark who was responsible for doing the chopping but, Buntz being Buntz, he still ended up shooting the guy. While this was going on, Grace Gardner — an incredibly annoying character from an earlier season — was debating whether or not to become a nun and Patrolman Patrick Flaherty, a new character, was chasing after her with an annoying grin on his face. To be honest, the first episode of the morning was a bit of a mess. Fortunately, the second episode was much better. Capt. Furillo struggled to come to terms with his father’s suicide while Detective Belker had nightmares about the apocalypse. It was all surprisingly well-handled.

Thursday morning brought two frustratingly uneven episodes. The first found the precinct’s cops on the verge of a race war after a white cop shot his black partner. It turned out that it was all linked to a bigger corruption scandal. Sam McMurray played the white shooter. It was an interesting story but, as usual, things got bogged with an unrelated Lt. Buntz plotline and, in the end, it was hard not to feel that the show had handled the topics of systemic racism and police corruption far more effectively in the past. The second episode featured Joyce getting held hostage by a criminal and, as I’ve said before, I always find hostage episodes to be a bit of drag. As well, there was an unrelated plotline about Patrick Flaherty trying to recover a stolen radio, which would have been interesting if not for the fact that Flaherty’s a remarkably uninteresting character.

On Friday morning, the first episode featured several of the policemen going on a hunting trip and …. well, that was about it. The second episode featured a few of the cops having to work as garbagemen while Sgt. Howard Hunter had to deal with his former second-in-command, Jack Ballentine, who had gone crazy and was shooting at people from an upstairs window. As usual, both episodes had their moments but got bogged down with unrelated Norman Buntz action.

Saturday morning’s episodes hit a nadir for me, as far as this show is concerned. The first episode featured a wacky misunderstanding plot, as Buntz got it into his head that Joyce was cheating on Captain Furillo. The second episode found Buntz in charge of the precinct for the day and encouraging all of his officers to basically violate the civil rights of anyone who might be carrying even the most miniscule amount of weed. By the end of these two episodes, I found myself wondering if the writers during the final two seasons were getting paid based on the number of lines they gave to Norman Buntz because it’s hard to deny that the show went from being an ensemble show to being all about him.

Intervention (Monday Night, A&E)

I watched two episodes on Monday night. The first episode was about an alcoholic. The second one was about a woman addicted to fentanyl and cocaine. As I’ve stated in the past, I never have as much sympathy for the alcoholics as I do for the drug addicts. The first episode was about a former hockey player named Dan whose catch phrase was “Oh golly golly.” Good to have a catch phrase when you’re putting your family through Hell, I guess. The second episode was about Elizabeth, who had all sorts of family tragedies to blame for her addictions. Hopefully, they’re both doing better now.

King of the Hill (Hulu)

On Thursday night, I watched two episodes of the greatest show ever made at Texas. In the first episode, the Hills celebrated the millennium. In the second episode, Peggy wrote Bobby’s flag essay for him. These were two classic episodes from a classic show.

Moone Boy (Sunday Night, PBS)

Desperate to find a way to get to school quicker without having to cut into any of his precious sleeping time, Martin Moone tears down the shoddily constructed wall in his family’s backyard. He’s briefly a school hero, until Liam and Debra notice all of the students walking through their backyard. It was a funny episode. I especially enjoyed the scene where Martin’s imaginary friend, Sean Caution Murphy, explained that Martin created him because Martin himself is cautious and doesn’t like to take risks.

“And what did you name me?”

“Sean Murphy, the most common name in Ireland!”

Open All Hours (Sunday Night, PBS)

Granville attempted to change his image by dressing up like some sort of weird mix of punk rocker and 70s disco king. He also ended up nearly hanging himself when his medallion got tangled up with the store’s singing. “Don’t just be hanging about!” Arkwright snapped at him. Granville survived, meaning that he could continue to spend many more miserable days working for his uncle and dreaming of freedom.

Seriously, Granville’s going to snap some day and it won’t be pretty.

Upstart Crow (Sunday Night, PBS)

Despite everyone telling him that Henry V is a much better subject, Shakespeare heads home to Stratford-Upon-Avon to work on a play about Henry VIII. Unfortunately, upon arriving, he discovers that his fearsome former school master is a Catholic! When Robert Greene and Kit Marlowe show up, Shakespeare has to figure out how to allow his teacher to conduct midnight mass without anyone noticing, Fortunately, Marlowe helps out by hiring a prostitute. It’s all a bit convoluted by funny. I’m Catholic and I laughed, largely because most of the jokes were at the expense of the Church of England.

Yes, Minister (Monday Morning, PBS)

Jim Hacker’s attempts to subsidize his local football club run afoul Sir Humphrey’s attempts to continue to subsidize the constituency’s little-visited art museum. I’ve often written about how Yes, Minister was a show that could appreciated by anyone because bureaucracy is a universal reality but all it takes is one episode centered around a football club to remind us that this is, at heart, a very British show. And, needless to say, a very funny one! Sir Humphrey, as usual, won the battle of the wills but Hacker still got some good publicity out of it. That’s the important thing.