I probably watched too much television this week. It happens. But, on the plus side, I finally finished the first season of Baywatch Hawaii and I’m making progress on Silk Stalkings. Plus, The Bachelor is over and I’m finally going to get a break from that franchise. It’s always good to find the positive in things.
Here are some thoughts on what I watched this week:
American Idol (Sunday Night, ABC)
Despite having announced last week that they had found the next great superstar in that girl who played the piano, the American Idol judges were back for more auditions this week. As I’ve been saying ever since this season began, American Idol could use a little more negativity. I know that we’re all supposed to be super supportive nowadays but these shows are more fun when some obnoxious dude who can’t carry a tune gets his dreams shattered by a snarky Brit. Maybe Katy should bring Orlando with her to the next set of auditions. He seems like he could handle the role.
That said, I did like the gospel singer because he seemed to be a genuinely nice person and I just hope the show doesn’t ruin him. If he says he wants to sing gospel, let him sing gospel and let America decide whether or not to keep him around. Personally, I’m not a huge gospel music fan but whatever. It obviously meant a lot to him.
The Bachelor (Monday and Tuesday Night, ABC)
Mostly because I found Clayton to be rather dull (hence, why I called him the Claytonbot), I didn’t watch much of the latest season of The Bachelor. (It didn’t help, of course, that the Bachelor was scheduled opposite both Celebrity Big Brother and the Olympics.) However, I did join my BFF Evelyn to watch the two-part finale on Monday and Tuesday nights.
Wow, what a mess. The Claytonbot finally learned what love is and then promptly told three separate women that he was in love with them. He then slept with two of them, which led the third one — Susie — to leave the show. Then, at the Rose Ceremony, Claytonbot informed Gabby and Rachel that 1) he loved both of them and 2) that he had slept with both of them. This caused Gabby to walk off the show. Claytonbot, however, convinced Gabby to come back and accept the rose. The next day, Gabby and Rachel both had a nice meeting with the Claytonbot’s human family. After Gabby and Rachel left, Claytonbot informed everyone but the two women that he had decided that actually was in love with Susie and that he wanted a chance to try to convince her to return to the show. It didn’t seem to occur to the Claytonbot that Gabby and Rachel might not be happy with the idea of going through all of this emotional turmoil just so he could then track down the woman who had previously dumped him. The Claytonbot’s human family looked deeply disappointed in him and somewhat embarrassed to be associated with him on national television. That was all on Monday’s episode.
Tuesday’s episode was even messier as the Claytonbot dumped both Gabby and Rachel because he had decided that he was “most in love” with Susie. Gabby yelled, Rachel cried, and they both ended up leaving. Claytonbot proposed to Susie and Susie …. turned him down. Bachelor Nation rejoiced! But then host Jesse Palmer revealed that, after filming wrapped up, Susie slid into the Claytonbot’s DMs and now the two of them are dating. The live studio audience was not happy, especially when Claytonbot said that all of the emotional turmoil was worth it to end up with Susie. Try telling that to Gabby and Rachel, you dumbfug! (I gave up cursing for Lent.)
Anyway, this season of the Bachelor ended not with an engagement but instead a lot of pain and hostility. At least Gabby and Rachel will be the next bachelorettes.
Bar Rescue (Sunday and weekday mornings, Paramount)
I watched one episode on Sunday morning. The owner of an Irish pub was drinking too much so Jon Taffer called him a jerk in front of all of his friends. That probably helped with the alcoholism.
On Monday, I watched another episode. In this one, Taffer and the crew revealed that the bar was selling cheap beer at premium prices. This, of course, led to a Roadhouse-style bar brawl. If only Dalton had been there to break it up. Oh well!
On Tuesday, I again watched one episode. Why was I watching so much Bar Rescue? It’s kind of a fun show. Jon Taffer is amusing and the show itself has a sense of humor about itself. Anyway, Tuesday’s episode was about yet another bar owner who had a drinking problem. Why do so many drunks end up owning bars? I would never want to mix my hobbies with my day job. Taffer yelled at her to get sober and, by the end of the episode, the alcoholism had been vanquished and the bar was making a lot of money. Yay!
Baywatch Hawaii (Prime and Hulu)
On Tuesday night, I watched two episodes from the first season of Baywatch Hawaii. The first episode featured Jessie training for a triathlon and then abandoning the race as soon as she realized that the team needed her to help out with a rescue. Jessie put aside her personal goals for the good of the team. If I was in a similar situation, I cannot say that I would have done the same. This second episode that I watched featured Sean, Jenna, and the team heading to the Big Island for a conference on drowning. With Jenna’s help Sean came to terms with the drowning death of his son. Both episodes felt like they had been assembled from scenes that had been cut from previous episodes. There was an odd subplot during the first episode in which Jason was haunted by an apparently malicious water demon. That whole storyline got abandoned after 20 minutes and was never mentioned again. It was odd. Like, seriously, how do you just forget about a water demon?
On Wednesday afternoon, I finally finished up season 1 with the final two episodes of the season. Top-billed David Hasselhoff, who was absent for most of the season, finally returned as Mitch Buchanon. In the first episode I watched, he helped Jessie’s grandfather deal with the guilt that he felt over surviving the attack on Pearl Harbor. Awwww! Make fun of the Hoff all you want but sentimental stuff like this is what he’s good at and it was actually a pretty effective episode (by Baywatch Hawaii standards, of course). The 2nd episode and the season finale featured Mitch …. GETTING BLOWN UP BY ECO-TERRORISTS! Well, I guess that’s one way to get out of the show. (Reportedly, the Hoff felt that he had been typecast as a result of his work on Baywatch. Well, when you do a show for ten years, that will happen, I suppose.) From what I understand, though, there was later a Baywatch reunion movie that established that Mitch actually survived the explosion, though with a case of amnesia. That’s good because Mitch deserved better. Other than Mitch getting blown up, the most interesting thing about this episode was that it revealed that both he and Sean were apparently part-time CIA agents, along with being lifeguards. Good for them! It’s always interesting to me how many part-time CIA agents there are on shows like this.
On Friday afternoon, I watched the first episode of the second season of Baywatch Hawaii. There was no mention of Mitch or his sacrifice. No one even seemed to be in mourning. Instead, the episode introduced the viewers to a few new trainee lifeguards and also one new senior lifeguard, played by Brande Roderick. Quite a few members of the first season cast were gone without explanation. Jason Momoa was still there, however. He looked kind of embarrassed. As for the episode itself, it dealt with Sean and a former friend of his, an arrogant jet skier who didn’t care about stuff like teamwork. *GASP!*
Beyond the Edge (Wednesday Night, CBS)
In this new reality show, 9 celebrities spend two weeks in the jungle and compete to raise money for charity. Who will stay the entire two weeks!? I watched the first episode and I don’t really care. The celebs don’t really have any sort of personal stake in all of this so the competition aspect of it all is pretty dull. I’m just glad that they’ve never done a celebrity edition of Survivor. You know it’s going to happen someday, though.
The Bold and the Beautiful (Weekday Afternoon, CBS)
I watched an episode of the world’s greatest daytime drama on Tuesday afternoon. Not much happened in the episode but the clothes were to die for and everyone owned a really nice house. That’s the important thing. It’s still hard for me to accept anyone other than Ronn Moss as Ridge. Yes, I know it’s been ten years since Moss left the role but you have to understand that I don’t watch this show that often so, in my mind, it should still be exactly the same way that it was in 2009.
The Brady Bunch (Sunday Afternoon, MeTV)
MeTV showed four driving-related episodes of The Brady Bunch on Sunday. Greg bought a car, without talking to his father about it first. Carol had an accident and was sued by the other driver, who was faking his injuries. Greg was told that he would not be allowed to drive his car for a week after nearly having an accident and then outsmarted his father by driving someone else’s car. Marcia tried to get her license and this, of course, led to her and Greg getting into a fight over whether men were naturally better drivers than women.
I’m a bit disappointed that MeTV did not show the controversial episode were Mr. Brady ran over the homeless guy and then forced Alice to take the blame. (Fortunately, Alice got out of prison just in time to appear on The Brady Bunch Variety Hour.)
Children’s Hospital (Hulu)
Yay! My favorite medical show is on Hulu! I rewatched season one on Sunday night. Fortunately, since there were only five 11-minute episodes in that season, it only took me an hour. But what an hour! How great it was to see the early days of Children’s Hospital, when Dr. Cat Black was narrating her thoughts and Dr. Lola Spratt was pretending to have a brain tumor so she could break up with Owen. And let’s not forget Dr. Blake Downs, curing people with the power of laughter!
Court Cam (Wednesday, A&E)
I only watched one episode on Wednesday evening. This episode featured too much true crime footage for me. I prefer when the episode focuses on lawyers acting strangely and judges speaking sarcastically. Watching the actual crimes that led to people ending up in court in the first place just isn’t as much fun.
The Dropout (Hulu)
Full House (Sunday Afternoon, MeTV)
Things continued to get heated at the Tanner household. First, Joey and Jesse had to write a jingle together. Then, the Beach Boys mysteriously showed up. This was followed by Joey trying to be an authority figure as opposed to just a second-rate comic with an angry ex-girlfriend. Finally, Danny was frustrated to discover that there apparently wasn’t a single woman in San Francisco who hadn’t already dated Jesse. Poor DJ and Stephanie, it had to be traumatic growing up in that household! That said, everything always worked out in the end. The sentimental music would play. Danny would say something wise. The audience would respond with, “Awwwwwww!”
Happy Days (Weekday Evenings, MeTV)
I’m never quite understood the popularity of this old show but I did watch one episode on Tuesday evening. The Fonz had to convince his cousin, Spike, not to be a delinquent. Ron Howard only appeared for a few minutes at the start of the episode. I guess it was largely filmed during his week off.
Inventing Anna (Netflix)
On Friday, I finally decided to return to watching Inventing Anna. It’s not so much that Inventing Anna is any good (it’s not) as much as it’s just a case of me not wanting to leave anything unfinished. I started watching this show and dammit, I’m going to finish it! Even if it takes me until 2024.
Anyway, I finally watched the 6th episode, which was all about Anna and her friends traveling to Morocco and Anna apparently committing credit card fraud in order to pay for the whole vacation. To be honest, though, the episode was really about the character of Vivian Kent bulging her eyes and going overboard with the facial expressions while listening to everyone’s story. After spending an hour presenting Anna as being a terrible and manipulative friend, the episode suddenly shifted gears and had people talking about how, “I felt so sorry for Anna, in Morocco all alone.” It was kind of annoying and didn’t make much sense. Nothing about the way Anna has been portrayed on this show makes it believable that she would inspire that type of loyalty. Maybe I’ll finish this show next year.
King of the Hill (Hulu and weekday afternoons on FXX)
I watched one random episode on Hulu on Monday evening. Kahn mortgaged his house to be buy Scrubby’s Car Wash, which was apparently an Arlen institution despite having never been mentioned on the show before this episode. Needless to say, Kahn’s abrasive management style was not a hit with the redneck customers and eventually, Mr. Strickland had to step in. It was an okay episode, if not one of the show’s best. The highlight of the episode was the introduction of infomercial huckster Dr. Money. Dr. Money promised to make his customer so rich that they would have “champagne for breakfast and caviar for your cat!”
On Tuesday, I watched four episodes on FXX. I watched as Peggy attempted to run a used bookstore and end up instead running a gun shop. I watched the classic Halloween episode where Louanne ended up a prisoner of insane pork product industrialist Trip Larsen. This was followed by the episode in which Dale was hired to kill the rats at the Mega-Lo Mart and instead discovered that jazz trumpeter Chuck Mangione was secretly living in the store. Finally, I watched an episode in which Louanne became a boxer and ended up fighting George Foreman’s daughter. Hank nearly got into a fight with Foreman himself over whether or not the Foremen Grill was a novelty product or not. Luckily, George’s son broke up the fight. “No, Daddy! He ain’t worth it!” still makes me laugh every time that I hear it.
Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)
On this week’s “ripped from the headlines” Law & Order, a tennis player who was definitely not meant to be one of the Williams sisters stood accused of murdering a family court judge. The tennis player went with an insanity defense, claiming that she was suffering from a manic episode at the time of the murder and that only her father’s conservatorship could keep her from losing control. So, just like that, the episode went from being about the Williams sisters to being about Britney Spears. In short, this episode was so ripped from the headlines that it was actually kind of dumb.
The Love Boat (Sunday Afternoon, MeTV)
On this week’s cruise: Sharon Gabet, Laurence Lau, Denise Miller, Taylor Miller, Robert Pine, Janine Turner, and Ruth Warrick. Admittedly, that’s not exactly the most memorable list of passengers and it was a bit of a silly episode. Somehow, Gopher got trapped in a suit of armor while a preacher was romantically pursued by two of his followers. And then, out of nowhere, there was this huge dramatic storyline, in which Warrick tried to forgive the son of the man who killed her husband in a drunk driving accident. It was an odd cruise but the scenery was nice.
M*A*S*H (Hulu and Weekday Evenings, MeTV)
Like Happy Days, this is another old show that I usually don’t really care for but I did watch two episodes on Tuesday. Both of them featured Alan Alda talking about how much he hates the war and basically getting in everyone else’s way. Like, seriously, Hawkeye — EVERYONE HATES WAR! It’s not all about you.
On Friday, I discovered that M*A*S*H is on Hulu and I decided to give the show another shot, mostly because people really do tend to rave about it. Jeff suggested that I check out a later episode called “Dreams” and oh my God, was it effective! While dealing with a seemingly never-ending amount of wounded soldiers, each of the main characters tried to get an hour or two of sleep and everyone ended up having a dream about what the war was doing to them, mentally. It was a bit heavy-handed but it was undeniably effective. Who knows? I may have to give this show another shot next week.
Saved By The Bell (Saturday, E!)
E! did a Saved By The Bell marathon on Saturday. I watched as Kelly broke up with Zack, Zack solved the mystery weekend, and Johnny Dakota tried to get all the students at Bayside hooked on the weed with roots in Heck. Bad Johnny Dakota!
(Yes, I said “roots in Heck.” I gave up cursing for Lent. I realize that I probably could have gotten away with not using Heck because it’s a name of place, as opposed to an actual exclamation. But I decided that it’s best not to get cutesy with Lent.)
Savoring Our Faith (Sunday Afternoon, EWTN)
Fr. Leon Patalinghug talked about St. Patrick and why we celebrate St. Patrick’s Day while preparing a meal. I watched this with Erin on Sunday and, somewhat unexpectedly, I enjoyed it. It’s an Irish Catholic thing.
Silk Stalkings (Tubi)
On Monday, I returned to Silk Stalkings. I watched the show’s 41st episode, in which Chris got shot at after witnessing yet another fight between a man, his mistress, and his wife. Chris literally couldn’t leave his apartment without witnessing a fight. Once again, the no-funsters at the police department were trying to get Chris in trouble but luckily, Rita was there to solve the crime. To be honest, it was kind of a confusing episode but, as I’ve said before, this isn’t show that you watch for the plots. You watch it for the frequently unclothed people committing crimes and having melodramatic conversations. It’s a lot of fun.
On Tuesday, I watched episode #42. A serial killer was stalking women who had sought the advice of a fake astrologer. Chris not only flirted with every woman he met (even if he happened to meet them at a crime scene) but he also tossed the killer into the ocean. Way to go, Chris!
On Friday morning, I watched episode #43, in which Chris and Rita investigated a murder connected to phone sex and prostitution. Can you guess what happened next? If you guessed, “Chris goes undercover as a client and Rita goes undercover as a phone sex operator,” you are correct! This was a supremely silly episode, largely because there was only one suspect so it was pretty easy to guess who was going to end up getting shot at the end of it all. Still, Chris and Rita! How can you not love them?
I followed this with Episode #44 (entitled “Crime of Love”), which was also the first episode of the show’s third season! Rita suspected that an author that she had previously arrested was responsible for murdering the wife of his publisher. She was certain that there was no way that he could have reformed but it turned out that he wasn’t the murderer. Sometimes you have to give people a second chance, Rita!
Since I was on a bit of a Chris & Rita roll, I decided to to watch two more episodes. The first was Episode #45 (entitled “Team Spirit”), in which Chris and Rita investigated a serial killer who was targeting wealthy men. However, the most interesting thing about the episode was the B-plot, in which Chris was audited by the IRS after he attempted to write off his wardrobe as a business expense! Even while being audited, Chris couldn’t help but flirt with the IRS agent. Oh, Chris!
Episode #46 (“The Perfect Alibi”) found Chris and Rita investigating a hot tub murder that was linked to a gang of video tape bootleggers. It was all very 90s but the main bad guy was named Sorkin so that was kind of amusing. As usual, every suspect that Chris visited was just getting out of shower when Chris arrived at the apartment. This happened every single episode but anyone who has watched the show knows that it didn’t matter how many half-naked people tried to come between them, Chris and Rita were always meant to be together.
Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)
Talking Dead (Sunday Night, AMC)
Yay! For the second week in a row, Talking Dead was broadcast from the studio as opposed to Chris Hardwicke’s living room. Nature is healing.
Vaticano (Sunday Afteroon, EWTN)
It’s news for Catholics! It’s also Lent so I watched this with Erin on Sunday afternoon. I couldn’t help but remember the time that we visited Italy and took a tour of the Vatican. It was, needless to say, beyond amazing.
The Walking Dead (Sunday Night, AMC)