Retro Television Reviews: T. and T. 1.15 “Sophie a La Modem” and 1.16 “Black and White”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Amy’s psycho nephew shows up!

Episode 1.15 “Sophie a La Modem”

(Dir by Stan Olsen, originally aired on April 18th, 1988)

“In this episode,” Mr. T tells us, “Sophie goes AWOL with Amy’s nephew and no one is safe from him …. NO ONE!”

This episode focuses on Sophie (Catherine Disher), who is Amy and T.S.’s administrative assistant.  Since my first job out of college was working as an administrative assistant to an attorney, I appreciated that Sophie finally got to be the focus of an episode.  Seriously, you can’t have an office without an office manager.

Amy’s nephew (Sunny Besen Thrasher) — who T.S. refers to as being “that little bad kid, Donald!” — is at the courthouse, firing a water gun at the security guard.  Amy and T.S. take him to the office, where Sophie is extremely happy because she’s purchased — 80s alert! — a new modem!  Donald, who is way too obsessed with guns, fires a rubber dart at Sophie’s computer screen.  How big of a brat is Donald?  He ever wears a bow-tie, just like the problem child kid.  (Remember him?)

T.S. and Amy have to go to court so they’re not at the office when Mrs. Williams (Ruth Springfield) shows up and says that the people to whom she’s rented a house appear to be building something in the basement.  Donald tells the woman that Sophie is Amy and somehow, this leads to Sophie and that little bad kid Donald going to investigate on their own.

Back at the office, T.S. and Amy return and discover that Sophie and Donald are gone but they don’t seem to be too worried about it.  Instead of wondering where their administrative assistant and the little kid have gone, they talk about the time that Donald put a mouse in T.S.’s cookie jar.  “He’s a bad kid,” T.S. growls.

At the house, Amy and Donald meet the two tenants, Gord (Ron Gabriel) and his slow-witted associate, Benny (Richard Donat).  They also sneak into the basement and discover, as Sophie puts it, “a computer and a modem!”  It turns out that Gord and Benny are using the magic powers of the modem to hack into bank databases.  Unfortunately, Gord and Benny catch Sophie and that bad kid in the basement.  Uh-oh!

Back at the office, T.S. speculates that Donald probably abandoned Sophie somewhere in Toronto and then stole her car.  Instead of heading out to try to find the missing child and the administrative assistant, T.S. heads to the gym.  I guess T.S. really does not like Donald!

Gord and Benny attempt to lock Sophie, Donald, and their landlady up in a crude cell they’ve constructed in the basement.  Fortunately, Donald still has his toy dart gun and, by attaching a string to the dart, Sophie is able to snag the key to the cell.  After unlocking and opening the cell door, Sophie turns on the computer and uses the magic powers of the modem to send a message to Amy, letting her know that they are being held prisoner in the basement.

T.S. shows up at the house and bangs on the door.  “LET ME IN!” he shouts.  When Gord and Benny fail to do so, T.S. kicks the door open.  “I SAID LET ME IN!”  While Gord begs T.S. not to kill him, Sophie uses the dart gun to shoot a rubber dart at Benny.  Gord passes out and T.S. throws Benny through a wall.

Yay!  This was an incredibly silly episode but I enjoyed it because Sophie got to live every administrative assistant’s dream.  She did a good job and so did this episode.  It was fun.

Episode 1.16 “Black and White”

(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on April 25th, 1988)

“In this episode,” Mr. T. tells us, “Amy and I are caught in the middle when Detective Jones takes the law into his own hands.”

If the previous episode gave Sophie her chance in the spotlight, this episode spotlights Detective Jones (played by Ken James).  Since the second episode, Detective Jones has been the detective with whom Amy and Turner always seem to end up interacting.  He’s also the detective who arrested for T.S. for the crime that T.S. didn’t commit.  Needless to say, their relationship is occasionally awkward but, all things considered, surprisingly friendly.

This episode opens with Detective Jones’s wife (Meredith McRae) coming across two teenage boys breaking into her house and getting knocked unconscious as result.  Jones, who is out for revenge, thinks that one of the boys was Tom (Nicholas Shields), who is later arrested for another burglary and whose attorney is — you guessed it! — Amy Taler.  It turns out that Tom was one of the two teens that broke into Jones’s house but he was not the one who hit Mrs. Jones.  This is all something that Jones finds out after he follows Tom to the surprisingly large warehouse that is owned by Tom’s accomplice, the psychotic Len.  Fortunately, T.S. also follows Jones to the warehouse and helps him to subdue Len.  Tom is given a suspended sentence and Jones and his wife leave for a Miami vacation.

This is a good example of an episode that suffered due to T. and T. having to cram an hour’s worth of story into a 30-minute time slot.  This episode certainly had the potential to be interesting, with Detective Jones turning into a vigilante and T.S. Turner sympathizing with Tom because of their shared background as foster children but, with the shortened running time, the whole thing was juts a bit too rushed to be effective.

Next week: T.S. Turner faces off against two rich kids who think that ruining someone else’s life is just a game!

Retro Television Reviews: South Central 1.9 “Dog” and 1.10 “Date”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing South Central, which aired, for 10 episodes, on Fox in 1994.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, South Central comes to an end.

Episode 1.9 “Dog”

(Directed by Stan Lathan, originally aired on May 31st, 1994)

Deion finally gets to be the focus of an episode and it’s seriously, the most depressing 30 minutes ever.

After eight episode of never speaking and never smiling, Deion is briefly happy when a stray dog follows him and Andre home.  Deion loves playing with the dog and he even starts to bark just like the dog.  Joan, however, is not happy about the idea of having the dog in the house.  As she sensibly points out, they don’t know if the dog is sick and dog’s are expensive to keep.  Still, when she sees how Deion loves the dog, she says that the dog can stay as long as he doesn’t make a mess in the house.  Andre agrees to watch over the dog.

Joan leaves for the Co-op, where Bobby has declared the day to be “Black Dollar Day.”  Of course, as soon as Joan does leaves the house, the dog makes a mess on the floor.  Neither Andre nor his friend Rashad are willing to clean it up, with Andre is more concerned with calling Nicole and begging her to take him back.  Finally, Tasha’s friend Shanelle (Shar Jackson) cleans up the mess because she wants to get together with Andre.  However, Andre rejects Shanelle, telling her that she needs to have more respect for herself.  (Andre wasn’t too concerned about Shanelle’s self-esteem when she was cleaning up after the dog for him.)  Later, Andre and Tasha catch Shanelle and Rashad fooling around in Joan’s bedroom.  This leads to multiple fights and the dog getting so agitated that it bites Shanelle.

The end result is Shanelle goes to the hospital, animal control takes away the dog, and Deion is left without his only friend.  The next morning, Deion steps out of the house and stands on the sidewalk, barking like a dog.

My God, what a depressing show!  But I should also add that it was a remarkable well-acted episode, especially the scene in which Joan explained to Deion that the dog wouldn’t be coming back but that the dog was okay and still cared about him.  Seriously, I’m tearing up just writing that and I’m not even dog person.

Let’s move on to the series finale.

Episode 1.10 “Date”

(Directed by W.E. Baker, originally aired on June 7th, 1994)

Joan orders Andre and Rashad to take Tasha to the Ujamaa Hi-Life and pushes Deion onto Sweets so that she can have the house to herself for a night.  However, almost as soon as the kids leave, Ray (Ken Page) shows up.  (Yay!  Ray’s back!)  Ray sweetly asks Joan if she would like to have dinner with him.  They head out to the local catfish place but they discover that there is a 45-minute waiting time for a table.  Except …. OH MY GOD, IT’S ISAIAH!  Isaiah (Michael Beach) explains that he is friends with the owner of the restaurant and he always has a table.  Isaiah invites Joan (and, by extension, Ray) to have dinner with him.

Needless to say, dinner is a bit awkward, with Ray and Isaiah each mentioning that they own multiple homes and tying to impress Joan.  Isaiah is as much of a charming jerk as he was the last time he went out with Joan.  Ray, once again, promises to always be there for Joan and Andre despite the fact that Joan is obviously not interested in him.  As bad as I do feel for Ray, he should realize by this point that Joan doesn’t share his feelings.  You can’t create chemistry where there isn’t any.

Meanwhile, at the Co-Op, Rashad and Andre look for dates (which I guess means that Andre is over Nicole) and Tasha eventually cheers up when she gets to perform on stage.

To be honest, it’s a bit of an underwhelming ending for a show that featured so many powerful episodes.  The finale feels far more conventional in its humor than the previous episodes and that probably has something to do with the fact that this was the only episode of South Central to not be directed by Stan Lathan.  The finale feels more than a bit off when compared to what came before but, at the same time, it’s nice that the show ended with Tasha finally getting a moment to be the center of attention.

South Central only ran for ten episodes and it’s easy to see why it struggled in the ratings.  For a comedy, South Central could be a very dark show.  There weren’t a lot of standard happy endings to be found in South Central and even the upbeat finale left viewers feeling that things were only going to get more difficult for the Mosely family.  Joan is still going to be working herself to death at Ujamaa.  Andre is still going to often be his own worse enemy.  And, even after performing in front of the entire community, Tasha is still going to be the one who is always expected to sacrifice to help out around the house.  This show was all about the small moments of happiness that can be found even in the most difficult of circumstances.  Ultimately, though, those moments can only take you so far.

Next week, just in time for October, we start a new Thursday show and it features a ghost!  Are you ready for …. Jennifer Slept Here!?

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.8 “Play By Play/Cindy/What’s A Brother For?”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time for a Halloween cruise!

Episode 3.8 “Play by Play/Cindy/What’s A Brother For?”

(Dir by James Sheldon and George Tyne, originally aired on October 27th, 1979)

Yes, this episode does feature the Love Boat’s annual Halloween cruise but sadly, it doesn’t do much with the theme.  Last season’s Halloween cruise featured Vincent Price as an illusionist.  This season, there is a costume ball but it’s mostly just there so that the show can do a take off on Cinderella.

Cindy (Melissa Sue Anderson) is a shy girl who boards the ship with her wicked stepmother (Carolyn Jones) and her two less-than appealing step-sisters (Ronda Bates and Lila Kent).  While the stepmother tries to find an eligible bachelor for either one of her biological daughters, Cindy is expected to stay in the cabin and do the laundry.  However, Gopher hears Cindy singing Witchcraft and decides that Cindy simply has to sing for “the prince of pop,” Preston Maddox (Frank Sinatra, Jr., who looks like a cross between his father and Jerry Lewis).  However, how can Cindy escape from the cabin?  Gopher arranges for her to go to the costume ball and he even steals Julia’s Cinderella costume so Cindy can go incognito.  Cindy impresses Preston but, when Julie sees that Cindy is wearing her costume, Cindy makes a run for it.  She leaves behind one glass slipper and …. well, you know where this is going, right?  As everyone disembarks in Los Angeles, Preston has them try to on the slipper.  Cindy, however, doesn’t have to try on the slipper to prove her identity.  She just has to start singing Witchcraft.  By the end of the episode, you’ll wonder if Cindy knows any other songs.

While all that is going on, Bud Pomeroy (Christopher George) and Peggy Rossmore (Lynda Day George) are two sportscasters who work together but actually dislike each other.  Peggy thinks Bud is a chauvinist and Bud thinks that Peggy was only hired for her looks.  They decide to compete in a series of athletic events to determine who will stay at their station and who will quit.  Bud wins at arm wrestling.  Peggy wins a 5-mile race around the ship.  To determine their third event, Peggy randomly draws a piece of paper from Captain Stubing’s hat and discovers that the next competition will be weight-lifting!  When Bud throws his back out, it looks like Cindy is going to win but then Cindy asks Bud to stay and they discover that they actually love each other.  Yay!  Neither the story nor the characters were that interesting but Christopher George and Lynda Day George were married in real life and they made an attractive couple.

Finally, Tom Benton (Tom Hallick) has devoted his entire life to looking after his brother, Matt (Patrick Wayne), who uses crutches.  When Tom meets and falls in love with Kris (Joan Van Ark), Matt realizes that it is time for Tom to move on and find some happiness of his own.

For the most part, this was a typically pleasant episode of The Love Boat but, as a Halloween episode, it was a major disappointment.  They should have had some fun with season but, unfortunately, they didn’t.  This was like going on a Christmas cruise and not getting any presents.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.16 “Rogues and Riches/Stark Terror”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

Smiles, everyone!  Smiles!

Episode 3.16 “Rogues and Riches/Stark Terror”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on January 19th, 1980)

Our latest weekend on Fantasy Island is both strange and entertaining!

Attorney Mark Hendicks (John Schuck) comes to the Island with a briefcase full of papers.  He’s searching for his former law partner, Pete Gilbert (singer Robert Goulet).  Years ago, Pete came to Fantasy Island with a simple fantasy.  He wanted to be an 18th century British outlaw.  However, Pete had so much fun in the past that he decided that he never wanted to leave.  Mark needs to get Pete’s signature on some official forms so that Mark can sell some land that he and Pete bought before Pete’s fateful trip to the Island.

Mr. Roarke explains to Mark what’s going on with Pete and Mark is surprisingly accepting of Roarke’s explanation.  Roarke drives Mark out to a bridge.  He tells Mark that crossing the bridge will transport Mark to Pete’s fantasy.  Mark crosses the bridge and immediately sees Pete being chased by a bunch of British soldiers.  Pete is having a grand ol’ time in the 18th century but he’s more than willing to take some time out from plundering so that he can sign the papers so that will allow Mark to become a millionaire once he returns to the present.  However, after a dinner scene that is basically lifted shot-for-shot from Tom Jones, Mark falls in love with Margaret Winston (Dolly Read), the wife of sword-wielding Judge Winston (Alan Hale, Jr).  Mark is tempted to remain in the past but, in the end, he decides that his place is in the present.  Fortunately, it turns out that Margaret was having a fantasy of her own and she and Mark leave the Island together.

While that silly but enjoyable fantasy plays out out, Amy Marson (Melissa Sue Anderson) searches for the solution to a mystery that was so traumatic that it caused her to lose her ability to speak.  Amy’s mother (Elinor Donahue) died in front of her and Amy hopes to discover not only who killed her mother but also to recover her ability to speak.  This leads to Amy visiting the lighthouse where she grew up and having a reunion with the kindly lighthouse keeper, Joshua Templar (Michael Constantine).  Amy’s flashbacks lead her to the solution to the mystery of her mom’s death and also to Joshua’s secret son (David Drucker).

This storyline, much like last week’s battle against Elizabeth Bathory, was enjoyably creepy and it featured good performances from Anderson, Constantine, Donahue, and Drucker.  In the best tradition of Fantasy Island, the storyline was both macabre and also rather life-affirming.  Fantasy Island was always at its best when it revealed the hidden humanity at the heart of each fantasy.  Amy learns the truth of her mother’s death and she regains her ability to speak.  Tattoo tells her that she has a beautiful voice.  Awwwwww!

This was a great weekend on Fantasy Island!

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.3 “Heart of Darkness”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs drive into the abyss and discover what happens when you lose yourself in vice.

Episode 1.3 “Heart of Darkness”

(Dir by John Llewellyn Moxey, originally aired on September 28th, 1984)

The third episode of Miami Vice appears to be take place at least a month or two after the end of the pilot.  Tubbs is not only now a member of the Miami Vice Squad but he and Crockett are now best friends.  Gone is all the animosity and mistrust that characterized their initial relationship.  Now, Crockett is willing to open up to Tubbs and Tubbs is willing to defend Crockett’s pet alligator, Elvis, when Sonny briefly flies into rage mode and threatens to throw away its favorite blanket.

(Sonny is upset because Elvis, who doesn’t like being left on the boat alone, ate one of Sonny’s records.)

Though Tubbs has been accepted by the Vice Squad, he’s still struggling to adjust to Miami, which is a bit more laid back than New York.  Early on, he complains to Lt. Rodriguez about his apartment.  Rodriguez just rolls his eyes.  Sorry, Tubbs.  Only one Miami cop gets to live with an alligator on a houseboat.  Everyone else is stuck with a one-bedroom.

Crockett and Tubbs’s current assignment is to penetrate the world of Southern Florida porn kingpin, Walter Kovics (Paul Hecht).  Kovics is involved with the Mafia and is suspected of having ordered several murders.  When one of his actresses (played by Suzy Amis, making her television debut) is not only murdered but also turns out to be an underage runaway from Kansas, the case becomes personal.  Crockett and Tubbs want to take down Kovics but the only way to get to Kovics is through his second-in-command, Artie Rollins.  At first glance, Artie seems to be a typical coked up criminal but, upon further investigation, Crockett and Tubbs learn that Artie Rollins is actually Arthur Lawson, an FBI agent who has spent the last few years of his life working undercover.  Now, no one is sure if Artie is still working undercover or if he’s truly gone over to the other side.  Artie claims that he’s still working to bring down Kovics but when Kovics discovers that Crockett and Tubbs are undercover cops, Artie is the one who is ordered to shoot them.  Which side is Artie on?  Not even he seems to know for sure.

Artie is played by Ed O’Neill.  The future star of Married With Children and Modern Family star was in his mid-thirties when he appeared in Miami Vice and this was one of his earliest television roles.  O’Neill gives an unpredictable performance, one that is often frightening and sometimes even a bit poignant.  As played by O’Neill, Arthur is a man who has truly lost himself and the character is compelling because Arthur himself doesn’t seem to know what he’s going to do from minute-to-minute.  He may want to take down Kovics but he’s also spent so many years in Kovics’s world that he knows he won’t ever be able to adjust to anything else.  In the end, Arthur does the right thing but he sacrifices his soul as he does it and his joy at gunning down Kovics is almost as disturbing as the look he had in his eyes when he was previously considering whether to execute Crockett and Tubbs.  The show’s final moments find Crockett and Tubbs sitting in a cop bar.  Crockett confesses that he saw a lot of himself in Arthur Lawson.  Rodriguez approaches them and informs them that, while being debriefed at FBI headquarters, Arthur committed suicide.

This was an interesting episode.  The plot was a bit conventional but it was elevated by Ed O’Neill’s performance as the unstable Arthur.  (O’Neill kept the viewer guessing, along with Crockett and Tubbs, as to who Arthur really was.)  And, of course, just when it seems like everyone’s gotten their happy ending, Rodriguez reminded us that happy endings are never guaranteed.  Everything comes with a price.  Indeed, that’s one of the major themes of Miami Vice.  Arthur sacrificed his identity, his soul, and ultimately his life to see that justice was done but, in the end, someone will quickly replace Kovics and the business of vice will continue with little interruption.  Arthur will be largely forgotten and only mentioned as a cautionary tale.  Can anyone blame Sonny for wanting to spend all of his time on a boat with an alligator?

Retro Television Reviews: The George McKenna Story (dir by Eric Laneuville)


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1986’s The George McKenna Story!  It  can be viewed on Netflix, under the title Hard Lessons!

George Washington High School is a school that has defeated many well-meaning principals.  The hallways are full of drugs and gang members.  A good deal of the student body never shows up for class.  Fights are frequent.  The police are a common sight.  The majority of the teachers are men like Ben Proctor (Richard Masur), burned-out and content to hide in the teacher’s lounge.

New Orleans-raised George McKenna (Denzel Washington) is the latest principal and, from the minute that he shows up at the school, he seems a bit more confident than the other principals that the school has had.  He barely flinches when a raw egg hits his suit.  When he hears a fight occurring, he doesn’t hesitate to head down the hall to investigate.  McKenna is determined to make George Washington High into a worthwhile institution and that means inspiring both the students and the teachers.

When it comes to films about dedicated educators trying to reform a troubled school, most films tend to take one of two approaches.  One approach, the well-intentioned but not always realistic liberal approach, features the teacher or the principal who demands respect but who also treats the good students and teachers with equal respect and who turns around the school through the power of benevolence.  The other approach is the one where the principal or teacher grows frustrated and turns into an armed vigilante who forces the students to shut up and learn.  Think of The Principal or The Substitute or Class of 1984.  The first approach is the one that most teachers claim that they try to follow but I imagine that, for most of them, there’s an element in wish-fulfillment to be found in watching the second approach.  In the real world, of course, neither approach is as automatically successful as it is in the movies.

The George McKenna Story was made for television and it’s based on a true story so, not surprisingly, it follows the first approach.  Denzel Washington plays McKenna as someone who could probably handle himself in a fight if he ever got into one but, for the most part, the film portrays McKenna as succeeding by treating his students with more empathy and respect that they’ve gotten from anyone else in their lives.  Though cranky old Ben Proctor thinks that McKenna’s methods are foolish and that he’s asking the teachers to do too much, McKenna starts to turn the school around.  One student, whose father was threatening to make him drop out, ends up getting nearly straight A’s and reciting Shakespeare.  Unfortunately, not everyone can be rescued.  One student is arrested for murder and taken away by the cops but McKenna is still willing to be there for that student.  McKenna doesn’t give up on his students and, unlike that music teacher in The Class of 1984, he doesn’t allow them to fall through a skylight either.

The George McKenna Story is a predictable film.  It’s easy to guess which student will be saved by McKenna’s approach and which student will end up getting stabbed in a gang fight and which student will end up in prison.  That said, the film definitely benefits from Denzel Washington in the lead role.  Washington exudes confidence from the minute that he appears on screen and you’re left with little doubt that if anyone could reform a school simply through good intentions, it would definitely be Denzel Washington.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 9/17/23 — 9/23/23


To be honest, I watched so little this week that I nearly didn’t even bother with a week in television post.  But what I can say?  I’m a completist and, even though I spent most of this week focused on getting things ready for our annual October Horrorthon, I did watch a few things and I figured that I might as well share a few thoughts with you all!

I’m looking forward to next week.  Both Survivor and Hell’s Kitchen are coming back!

Big Brother (24/7, CBS and Paramount Plus)

I wrote about Big Brother here!  I have to admit that I’ve reached the point that I reach every season where I kind of hope this stupid show is canceled and I never have to watch or write about it again.  Seriously, this has been a stupid show from the start, each season is worse than the last, and I just want my freedom!  However, I do like my fellow Big Brother fans.  Interacting with them is the only rewarding thing that I get from this show.

Degrassi: The Next Generation (Tubi)

I watched The Time Stands Still two-parter on Monday afternoon.  Drake got shot in the back by Rick Murray and Joey struggled to find someone to buy his house.  Joey never should have dumped Syd.

The Hitchhiker (YouTube)

I checked out a few more episodes of this series throughout the week, selecting which ones that I want to highlight in October.

Jennifer Slept Here (YouTube)

On Tuesday night, I watched the pilot of this old 80s sitcom about a family that moves into a house that is already occupied by a ghost.  Look for my review in October!

Nightmare Café (YouTube)

On Saturday, I watched the pilot of this 1992 horror anthology series, which ran for 6 episodes.  The show was produced by Wes Craven and Robert Englund was the show’s host.  As you can probably guess, he was totally charming.  I’ll be posting a review of this show in October.

South Central (YouTube)

I wrote about South Central here!  Andre got a gun and Nicole decided that she no longer wanted anything to do with him.  To be honest, I’m on Nicole’s side.

T. and T. (Tubi)

I wrote about T. and T. here!  Mr. T continued to keep Canada safe.

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

Yes, Prime Minister (Monday Morning, PBS)

This week’s episode dealt with Prime Minister Hacker attempting to use one junior member of his cabinet’s radical anti-smoking campaign as a way to trick the Treasury into supporting Hacker’s planned tax cuts.  Sir Humphrey, of course, was present to explain that the Treasury doesn’t budget for programs but instead, gets as much money as it can and then comes up with programs to justify the taxation.  This episode was not quite as laugh-out-loud funny as the previous two episodes but, as always, I enjoyed the show’s portrayal of the excesses of the bureaucratic state.  I’m in favor of any show that makes fun of taxation.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back Kotter 2.9 “Hello, Ms. Chips” and 2.10 “Horshack vs. Carvelli”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Mr. Kotter gets a student teacher!

Episode 2.9 “Hello, Ms. Chips”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on December 2nd, 1976)

Instead of telling a joke about a relative, Gabe starts the show by coming home from shopping with Julie.  When Julie says that everyone at the store was crazy, Gabe comments that the women were all pushing and shoving and “bumping into me.”

“I’m going back tomorrow!” Gabe declares while Julie gives him a pity laugh.

At Buchanan High School, Woodman introduces Gabe to his new student teacher, Ms. Wright (Valerie Curtin).

“Ms. Wright,” Gabe says, “My mother always said I’d meet you someday.”

“Keep your sick fantasies out of this, Kotter,” Woodman replies.  “Watch her carefully, you remember what happened to the last student teacher …. she still sends me ceramic wallets from the home.”

After Woodman leaves, Gabe gets to know Ms. Wright and discovers that she’s read about the Sweathogs in her textbooks.  Gabe acknowledges that the classroom is famous and adds, “Some of our best teachers have passed through the windows.”

The Sweathogs make their arrival.  Ms. Wright observes the way that Gabe handles getting them to read their essays on what they would do if they were president and then she steps in and tries to teach while looking through her thick lesson plan.  Needless to say, the Sweathogs do not react well to that and Epstein throws a fit when Ms. Wright reads his essay (which is actually a poem) about how he would make the world a better, flower-filled place as President.  Ms. Wright runs, sobbing, from the room.

Gabe tracks Ms. Wright down to the front office, where Ms. Wright is asking Mr. Woodman what it was like when he was a teacher.  Woodman proceeds to sing Nobody Knows The Trouble I’ve Seen.

“Didn’t they have spankings in those days?” Ms. Wright asks.

“Yes,” Woodman replies, “but my students only spanked me once.”

The next day, Ms. Wright tries again.  This time, she tires to imitate Gabe’s approach and awkwardly tells Epstein, “In your mouth with a sandwich,” when he tries to apologize her.  Ms. Wright tells a series of Kotter-style jokes but her cheery delivery is all wrong.  Ms. Wright suddenly announces that Gabe’s technique isn’t right for her and that she’s just going to quit.

“You can’t quit,” Freddie says, “You’re not a lousy teacher, we’re just lousy students!”

Ms. Wright learns a valuable lesson about not teaching from the book and not trying to teach like someone else but just teaching as herself.  Ms. Wright says that she wants to tell the class about President Buchanan.

“That name sounds familiar,” Vinnie says.

This was not a bad episode.  I appreciated that Ms. Wright had to find her own style as opposed to just blindly following Gabe’s style.  Speaking of Gabe’s style, he ends the episode telling Julie about his Uncle Wilford Kotter, who was in love with an elephant.

Episode 2.10 “Horshack vs. Carvelli”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on December 9th, 1976)

At the apartment, Gabe calls his Uncle Herman and tells him that Julie’s going to be home in five minutes and he doesn’t have a joke to tell her.  Gabe asks if anything funny has happened in Herman’s life recently.  Herman tells Gabe about a guy who crossed an elephant and a beaver.  Herman says that he once knew a guy who was so mean that he used to train homing pigeons and then move.  Judging from the expression on Gabe’s face, Herman then proceeds to tell him something really wild.

(Julie, by the way, apparently never comes home and, therefore, does not appear in this episode.)

At school, the Silver Gloves Boxing Tournament is approaching and the Sweathogs are debating who will take on New Utrecht High’s most fearsome fighter, Carvelli (Charles Fleischer).  Woodman is especially concerned because he says that, in 20 years, Buchanan has never won the tournament.  When Gabe says that Bonzo Maretti won one year, Woodman replies, “Eating your opponent doesn’t count!”  Woodman wants a Sweathog to bring home a trophy.  Unfortunately, it appears that all of Woodman’s hopes rest on Arnold Horshack who is demanding to be the one to fight Carvelli.  As Horshack puts it, he’s tired of always being the one who is pushed to the side.

It’s time for a training montage, as Gabe and Woodman teach Horshack how to throw a punch.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t go well as Horshack ends up getting knocked down by Mr. Woodman.  “Maybe I should fight Carvelli!” Woodman says.

At the boxing match …. actually, I was expecting this to be one of those episodes where Horshack somehow ended up winning despite the odds but actually, he gets knocked out during the first round.  But all the Sweathogs are proud of him for having the guts to enter the ring so it’s a bit of a personal victory for him.  Plus, Gabe tells him a joke about his Uncle Maxie Kotter.

Yay!  Horshack finally won some self-respect!  Horshack was often the most cartoonish thing about this show and it’s rare that there was ever anything subtle about Ron Palillo’s performance but he deserves some credit for his work on this episode.  He revealed that, beneath the weird façade, Horshack was just as vulnerable and insecure as all the rest of the Sweathogs.  He didn’t win the fight but he won the audience’s heart and good for him!

Next week: Epstein is caught smoking!

Retro Television Reviews: T. and T. 1.13 “Sweet Tooth” and 1.14 “Playing With Fire”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, the adventures of T.S. Turner continue!

Episode 1.13 “Sweet Tooth”

(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on March 28th, 1988)

“In this episode,” Mr. T tells us, “a former con man claims to be starting a new chapter in his life, but I keep hearing the same old story.”

At the Toronto courthouse, T.S. and Amy are approached by a prosecutor named Billings (David Ferry).  He’s wearing a plaid suit, which is the show’s way of indicating that he’s not as good an attorney as Amy.  Billings says that he needs to discuss a private matter with T.S.

“Maybe he wants fashion tips,” T.S. growls.

Billings explains to T.S. that a man with whom T.S. served time, a conman named Lee Boone, has been released from prison.  The police think that Boone is trying to set up a new con in T.S.’s neighborhood but Billings thinks that Boone is trying to go straight.  Billings asks T.S. to investigate.  He also asks T.S. to keep their arrangement strictly confidential.

“And I’d appreciate it if you changed that jacket,” T.S. replies, “It gives me an earache.”

That said, T.S. agrees to check out Lee Boone, especially after he hears that Boone is the father of a seven year-old son.

Meanwhile, Lee Boone (Anthony Sherwood) is giving a speech in front of an old church.  He’s asking for donations to turn the church into a community center.  Among those donating money is T.S.’s aunt, Martha (Jackie Richardson).  T.S is stunned to discover that Lee is the man who he knew in prison as “Sweet Tooth.”  After Boone finishes his speech, T.S. confronts him and accuses him of trying to con people out of their money.  Boone argues that he’s changed and he’s just trying to give back to the community.  T.S. doesn’t buy it, later telling Billing that he judges a man not by his words but by his eyes and, “I looked in Sweet Tooth’s eyes and nothing had changed.”

On T.S.’s recommendation, Boone is arrested.  Guess who is assigned to be Boone’s lawyer?  Amy Taler!  Now, considering that Amy is partners with someone who would undoubtedly be called as a witness if the case ever went to trial, this seems like a clear conflict of interest but maybe they do things different up in Canada.  Amy is not only convinced that Boone is innocent but she’s also angry at T.S. for working with prosecutor’s office.

You know who else is angry with T.S.?  Aunt Martha!  Aunt Martha brings Boone’s 7 year-old son down to the gym and orders the kid to ask Turner, “Why did you put my Daddy in jail?”

“I wasn’t trying to hurt him, son,” T.S. says, “I was trying to help him.”

Aunt Martha announces that Lee Boone is back on the street and the entire community is rallying around him and donating their money for the community center.

Stunned, T.S. returns to his office and contemplates the mysteries of life.  When Amy tells him that she believes that everyone deserves a second chance, T.S. says, “And what if you’re wrong?  What if all those people get kicked in the teeth again?”

The next morning, Amy goes down to the church and waits, with Aunt Martha, for Boone to show up and announce his plans for the money that’s he’s raised.  However, Boone never shows up because it turns out that T.S. Turner was right and it really was all an elaborate con!  Instead, having packed all of his money in suitcase, Boone and his son prepare to leave their apartment building and head to another town.

However, T.S. is waiting for them in the stairwell.  When Boone claims that he was just about to head for the church, Turner declares, “With a suitcase full of money?  Come on, brother!  Give me some rap!  Give it up, Sweet Tooth!  Your son deserves better!  If you want a better life for your kid, you need to go to that church and stand by your word.  You just gotta believe your own rap!  EVERYONE ELSE DOES!”

At the church, Aunt Martha tries to keep the crowd calm by singing a gospel song.  Given how I feel about gospel music, you can imagine how relieved I was when a reformed Sweet Tooth finally showed up at the church and everyone stopped singing.  Sweet Tooth goes straight and uses the money to open up the community center.  All it took was T.S. Turner showing up at his apartment building!

As I watched this episode, it occurred to me that Mr. T’s main strength as an actor was his innate earnestness.  As limited as his range may have been, the viewer never doubted for a minute that he believed everything that he said.  This episode worked because it allowed Mr. T. to be himself.

Episode 1.14 “Playing With Fire”

(Dir by Harvey Frost, originally aired on April 11th, 1988)

“In this episode,” Mr. T says, “the heat is on a teenage girl who’s charged with arson.”

Across Canada, someone is setting fires.  After teenager Felicity (Susannah Hoffman) is found playing a flute in front of a fire that’s raging in a park, she’s arrested.  Because Amy is the only defense attorney in Toronto, she’s assigned to the case.  And when Amy is assigned to your case, that means that T.S. Turner is assigned to it as well!

Unfortunately, Felicity isn’t very helpful and gets defensive whenever Amy asks her why she always goes to the park to play her flute, even in the middle of the harsh Canadian winter.  Turner goes down to the park to investigate on his own and he meets Kramer (Alan Fawcett), a real estate developer who wants to build a luxury condo in the middle of the park.  Since this is T. and T., “luxury condo” is all we need to hear to know that Kramer is a bad guy.

Another building in the park burns down and again, for some reason, Felicity is nearby playing her flute.  Felicity is again accused of being the arsonist, which leads to a police interrogation scene where we discover that, as an attorney, Amy’s main legal strategy is to dramatically roll her eyes whenever anyone asks her client a question.  Meanwhile, T.S. heads down to the park and discovers that the building was insured for a million Canadian dollars.

“The only way we’re going to avoid paying,” the claims agent explains, “is if that lady lawyer gets that flutist off.”

“Lady lawyer!?” Turner replies, “You mean Ms. Amy Taler!”

“I hope she pleads as good as she looks,” the agent says.

T.S. nods.  “I’ll pass it on.”

Felicity is dragged down to a mental hospital, where she is committed for a week-long evaluation.  She sits in her room and plays her flute and I have to say that it didn’t take me long to get really sick of Felicity and her stupid flute.  Seriously, every time we see her, she’s playing the flute and getting angry about Amy trying to clear her name.  What an annoying character!

Anyway, Felicity overhears Turner telling Amy that he thinks that Kramer is behind the arsons so Felicity breaks out of the mental hospital, goes down to one of Kramer’s buildings, and starts playing her flute.  When Kramer confronts Felicity, she threatens to burn down the building for real.  This leads to Kramer confessing, just in time for Turner to show up and subdue him.

That’s the end of that.  Felicity’s name is cleared but Felicity is still such an annoying character that it’s difficult to really care.

Next week: Amy’s frequently frazzled administrative assistant gets an episode of her very own!

Retro Television Reviews: South Central 1.7 and 1.8 “Gun”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing South Central, which aired, for 10 episodes, on Fox in 1994.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Andre gets a gun!

Episode 1.7 and 1.8 “Gun”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on May 24th, 1994)

I’m not a huge fan of the song Amazing Grace.

Okay, allow me to clarify.  I know that it’s an important song.  I know that it’s a song that was at least partially written as a protest against the Atlantic slave trade.  I know that it’s a song that means a lot to many people.  But I have to admit that I cringe whenever someone starts singing it in a movie or on a TV show because it’s always sung in such an overwrought manner and it usually indicates that the program is about to take an extremely heavy-handed term.

I point this out because the first 30 minutes of Gun features Tasha singing Amazing Grace several times around the house, once while a police helicopter hovers over her house.  My first instinct was to cringe but actually, upon watching a second time , I realized that the scene with the helicopter is a powerful moment.  Tasha sings not only in defiance of the police but the helicopter’s spotlight briefly turns her front porch into a stage.  After six episodes of Tasha continually being told to sacrifice, it was nice to see a rare episode in which Tasha actually got a moment of triumph.

The majority of this two-part episode centers on Andre.  Just as Tasha has spent six episodes being expected to constantly sacrifice for the family, Andre has spent six episodes trying to come to terms with the death of his brother Marcus while living up to his mother’s expectations and also trying to pursue a relationship with Nicole.  In order to see Nicole, Andre has been riding the bus and, as we’ve seen, he’s gotten mugged, beaten up, and continually harassed for his troubles.  This episode, Andre takes two things with him on his latest trip to Nicole’s.  One is a pack of condoms, which leads to Nicole telling him that she doesn’t want to see him again unless he can figure out how to articulate how he really feels about her.  The other is his mother’s gun, which he tucks in the waistband of his pants and which he flashes when a guy starts to give him and Rashad trouble.  Rashad is excited about the gun, announcing that he and Andre now have “juice” and treating it almost like a toy.  Andre, who has actually lost a family member to gun violence, is more serious about it, telling Rashad that he would like to use it on the people who killed his brother.  (Of course, while Andre and Rashad stand in the house and handle the gun, Deion stands silently in the background, taking it all in.)

One interesting thing about this episode is that Andre’s mentor, Ray, is nowhere to be seen nor is he mentioned, even when Joan grounds Andre for forgetting to pick up Deion.  Given the fact that Ray was last seen realizing that Joan will probably never love him the way the he loves her, it makes sense that Ray might need a break from the Mosely family but it also means that there’s no one, outside of his family, for Andre to talk to, with the exception of Rashad.  At the Ujamaa Co-op, Bobby attempts to reach out to Andre and Rashad, telling him that he heard they had trouble on the bus and warning them about young men carrying guns.  As well-intentioned as Bobby is, both Andre and Rashad are too young and immature to really understand his message of building up the community as opposed to destroying it.  As opposed to Ray, who sometimes seemed too distant from the realities of life in Andre’s neighborhood, Bobby understands what is happening in the community but his insistence on trying to view everything in idealistic terms makes him ineffectual as an authority figure.

(If anything, Earl Billings’s perpetually annoyed Mayo Bonner, who trusts no one, seems like he might be the wisest of the older men on the show but his bad-tempered comments are mostly just played for laughs.)

Days later, Joan agrees to allow Andre to go to the High Life Party being held at the Co-op.  Andre knows that Nicole will also be at the party and he wants to give her a letter that he’s spent the last few days writing and re-writing.  While Joan and her next-door neighbor Sweets go through Andre’s bedroom and discover not only his condoms but also a first draft of the letter that he wrote for Nicole, Andre meets up with Nicole at the Co-op and ruins everything by once again flashing his gun at a guy who rudely steps in front of Nicole.  Nicole leaves, even though her best friend Candi, who has taken a sudden interest in Rashad, refuses to leave with her.  Andre chases after her and, on the bus, he tells her that only carries the gun for protection.  Nicole says that her parents were right about Andre and refuses to talk to him for the rest of the ride.  After Nicole gets off the bus, Andre tears up the love letter that he was going to give her and realizes that he will probably never see her again.

Yep, just another not-so happy ending on South Central!  That said, it was also a realistic ending and the show deserves a lot of credit for having Nicole react realistically to Andre’s aggressive behavior.  She freaks out when she sees that he has the gun and all of his excuses (and they are just excuses) cannot fix the damage of that one moment.  And Nicole is totally in the right.  What if the guy at the party had a gun?  What if someone on the bus had a gun?  Carrying a gun for protection is one thing and certainly, Andre has had enough bad things happen to him on this show that one can understand why he would feel like he needs some sort of protection.  But, at the Co-op, there was no threat.  Andre showed off the gun just to intimidate someone else.  I would have dumped Andre too.

This was a powerful episode.  In the end, Andre swears that he’s never going to carry another gun and watching it, the viewer hopes that he’s telling the truth but also knows that life is never as simple as one might hope.

Next week: we finish up South Central!