Retro Television Reviews: South Central 1.9 “Dog” and 1.10 “Date”

Posted on September 28, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing South Central, which aired, for 10 episodes, on Fox in 1994. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, South Central comes to an end.

Episode 1.9 “Dog”

(Directed by Stan Lathan, originally aired on May 31st, 1994)

Deion finally gets to be the focus of an episode and it’s seriously, the most depressing 30 minutes ever.

After eight episode of never speaking and never smiling, Deion is briefly happy when a stray dog follows him and Andre home. Deion loves playing with the dog and he even starts to bark just like the dog. Joan, however, is not happy about the idea of having the dog in the house. As she sensibly points out, they don’t know if the dog is sick and dog’s are expensive to keep. Still, when she sees how Deion loves the dog, she says that the dog can stay as long as he doesn’t make a mess in the house. Andre agrees to watch over the dog.

Joan leaves for the Co-op, where Bobby has declared the day to be “Black Dollar Day.” Of course, as soon as Joan does leaves the house, the dog makes a mess on the floor. Neither Andre nor his friend Rashad are willing to clean it up, with Andre is more concerned with calling Nicole and begging her to take him back. Finally, Tasha’s friend Shanelle (Shar Jackson) cleans up the mess because she wants to get together with Andre. However, Andre rejects Shanelle, telling her that she needs to have more respect for herself. (Andre wasn’t too concerned about Shanelle’s self-esteem when she was cleaning up after the dog for him.) Later, Andre and Tasha catch Shanelle and Rashad fooling around in Joan’s bedroom. This leads to multiple fights and the dog getting so agitated that it bites Shanelle.

The end result is Shanelle goes to the hospital, animal control takes away the dog, and Deion is left without his only friend. The next morning, Deion steps out of the house and stands on the sidewalk, barking like a dog.

My God, what a depressing show! But I should also add that it was a remarkable well-acted episode, especially the scene in which Joan explained to Deion that the dog wouldn’t be coming back but that the dog was okay and still cared about him. Seriously, I’m tearing up just writing that and I’m not even dog person.

Let’s move on to the series finale.

Episode 1.10 “Date”

(Directed by W.E. Baker, originally aired on June 7th, 1994)

Joan orders Andre and Rashad to take Tasha to the Ujamaa Hi-Life and pushes Deion onto Sweets so that she can have the house to herself for a night. However, almost as soon as the kids leave, Ray (Ken Page) shows up. (Yay! Ray’s back!) Ray sweetly asks Joan if she would like to have dinner with him. They head out to the local catfish place but they discover that there is a 45-minute waiting time for a table. Except …. OH MY GOD, IT’S ISAIAH! Isaiah (Michael Beach) explains that he is friends with the owner of the restaurant and he always has a table. Isaiah invites Joan (and, by extension, Ray) to have dinner with him.

Needless to say, dinner is a bit awkward, with Ray and Isaiah each mentioning that they own multiple homes and tying to impress Joan. Isaiah is as much of a charming jerk as he was the last time he went out with Joan. Ray, once again, promises to always be there for Joan and Andre despite the fact that Joan is obviously not interested in him. As bad as I do feel for Ray, he should realize by this point that Joan doesn’t share his feelings. You can’t create chemistry where there isn’t any.

Meanwhile, at the Co-Op, Rashad and Andre look for dates (which I guess means that Andre is over Nicole) and Tasha eventually cheers up when she gets to perform on stage.

To be honest, it’s a bit of an underwhelming ending for a show that featured so many powerful episodes. The finale feels far more conventional in its humor than the previous episodes and that probably has something to do with the fact that this was the only episode of South Central to not be directed by Stan Lathan. The finale feels more than a bit off when compared to what came before but, at the same time, it’s nice that the show ended with Tasha finally getting a moment to be the center of attention.

South Central only ran for ten episodes and it’s easy to see why it struggled in the ratings. For a comedy, South Central could be a very dark show. There weren’t a lot of standard happy endings to be found in South Central and even the upbeat finale left viewers feeling that things were only going to get more difficult for the Mosely family. Joan is still going to be working herself to death at Ujamaa. Andre is still going to often be his own worse enemy. And, even after performing in front of the entire community, Tasha is still going to be the one who is always expected to sacrifice to help out around the house. This show was all about the small moments of happiness that can be found even in the most difficult of circumstances. Ultimately, though, those moments can only take you so far.

Next week, just in time for October, we start a new Thursday show and it features a ghost! Are you ready for …. Jennifer Slept Here!?

Retro Television Reviews: South Central 1.5 “Men” and 1.6 “Dad”

Posted on September 14, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, James Mosely returns to South Central!

Episode 1.5 “Men”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on May 10th, 1994)

Because Tasha has a babysitting job and Andre is sneaking out of the house so that he can check in on Nicole, Joan finally has a night to herself. She goes next door, where Sweets (Paula Kelly) is throwing a party. Sweets thinks that Joan should hook up with Dr. Ray McHenry (Ken Page), who is Andre’s mentor and who also brings in a $100,000 a year and who is also obviously in love with Joan.

Joan, however, is more interested in Isaiah (Michael Beach), who is a local food distributor who comes to the Co-Op on a daily basis and demands to be paid for the food that he’s dropped off. Isaiah and Joan start talking and Joan is impressed to learn that Isaiah is also an independent building contractor and that he manages two apartment buildings. When Joan mentions that there are still cracks in her bedroom from the last earthquake, Isaiah offers to come over to her house and take a look at them. Joan takes him up on his offer.

Just when Joan and Isaiah are starting to get romantic, Tasha comes home from babysitting and see Joan and Isaiah kissing. Tasha, who still believes that her father is going to come back into her life at any minute, gets upset and runs out of the house. (As the child of divorced parents, this scene hit pretty close to home for me.) Tasha does eventually return, as does Andre. They both demands to know how Joan could bring some other man into the house. Andre shouts that Joan should stop leading on Ray. (Ray, of course, is standing in the room when he does so.) Joan tells both of her children that her personal life is her business and that she doesn’t owe them any explanations.

Of course, the next day, Joan tells Isaiah that she doesn’t feel like she can get into a relationship with him or anyone else. Her life is too complicated. Isaiah promises to wait until it’s less complicated.

This episode was a good example of what made South Central far more interesting than other sitcoms. Joan loves her children and she has sacrificed a lot to take care of them. But, as this episode shows, she’s not always happy about that fact. Having gotten married young and also having had to drop out of college after her divorce, Joan feels that she’s missed out on a lot of experiences. At the same time, I can understand why both Tasha and Andre felt upset. Andre doesn’t want anyone taking his role as “man of the house,” (though it’s not a role for which Andre is well-suited) and Tasha doesn’t want anyone replacing her father. And then you have poor old Ray, who is the nicest character on the show and who, if we’re going to be honest, allows himself to be taken advantage of by both Joan and Andre. None of the characters are all good or all bad. Instead, they’re all very human.

That said, this episode suffers a bit because Michael Beach, who is normally a very good actor, gives an oddly stiff performance as Isaiah. He’s handsome enough that it’s believable that Joan would want to invite him back to her room but the character doesn’t really have enough of a personality for one to feel that Joan is missing out by not having a long-term relationship with him.

Episode 1.6 “Dad”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on May 17th, 1994)

Tasha is celebrating her 14th birthday but she’s not happy. She’s not happy about the decorations that Joan has hung in the backyard for her party. (“It looks like Deion did them,” she snaps about the decorations that Joan was up until four in the morning preparing.) She’s not happy when she discovers that the meat for the hamburgers was purchased at the Ujamaa co-op. (I agree. Co-op food is the worst.) She’s especially not happy because she has yet to receive a present in the mail from her father, James. Andre says that she’ll be grown and working at the post office herself before she ever receives anything from their father. Joan is upset over Tasha’s resentful attitude but she keeps repeating, “It’s her day.”

As opposed to his sister, Andre is happy because Nicole comes to the party with her friend, Candi (Madlina Williams). Though Andre’s friend, Rashad, originally dismisses Nicole as being “bougie,” he changes his mind as soon as he sees Candi. As for Nicole, she seems to be excited about finally seeing Andre’s house but it’s hard not to feel that Rashad has a point. In many ways, Nicole comes across like the type of rich activists who are convinced that they know what it’s like to struggle because they spent a week “living the wage.”

Halfway into the party, Tasha and Andre’s father, James (Glenn Plummer), shows up in the backyard. While Tasha is overjoyed to see her father, neither Joan nor Andre are happy to see him. James turns out to be very charismatic and soon, for everyone but Andre, he’s the life of the party. He even manages to get Joan to dance with him. When two gang members show up, uninvited, and nearly get into a fight with Andre, James is the one who is able to talk them into leaving the party. Everyone treating James like a hero is too much for Andre and the two of them argue. James accuses Joan of not properly raising Andre and says that Joan only cares about money and material things. James reveals that it was Joan who kicked him out of the house and demanded a divorce. James also suggests that Joan’s bad parenting is what led to Marcus’s death. Joan slaps James and orders him to leave but then she can only watch in horror as Tasha leaves with him.

Six hours later, Tasha returns home. When Joan asks Tasha what she and her father did for six hours, Tasha just says that they talked and had dinner and that they returned one of Joan’s presents so that James could use the money to buy a new jacket for Tasha. Joan says that Tasha can love her father but it would be nice if she could occasionally show some appreciation for everything that Joan does for her on a daily basis. The episode ends with the sound of Tasha sobbing.

Happy birthday!

Once again, I found myself very much relating to Tasha in this episode. On the one hand, it’s easy to see that, underneath James’s charm, he’s basically an immature man who can barely take care of himself. Tasha has idealized him, largely because she doesn’t have to deal with him on a day-to-day basis. He’s just someone who sends her gifts and tells her that her mother is the reason why they can’t be a family. At the same time, Joan may want to be thanked but how often has she thanked Tasha for taking care of Deion? Joan has sacrificed a lot for her kids but Tasha is often expected to sacrifice a lot as well. Andre gets away with everything because no one expects him to be responsible. Tasha, meanwhile, is expected to always be the responsible one. In the end, both James and Joan are guilty of making Tasha’s birthday about themselves instead of allowing it to be about Tasha.

That’s a pretty heavy theme for a sitcom but that’s what set South Central apart from other shows of the era. It’s also probably the main reason why South Central only lasted 10 episodes. As well-acted and well-written as this episode is, it’s still a birthday episode that ends with a 14 year-old girl sobbing in her living room. There’s not a laugh track in the world that’s going to lessen that pain.

Next week: Andre gets a gun!

Retro Television Reviews: South Central 1.3 “RTD” and 1.4 “CO-op”

Posted on September 7, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Andre is nearly killed while riding the bus and Joan is embarrassed by her new employer.

Episode 1.3 “RTD”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on April 19th, 1994)

It’s Andre’s day to watch Deion but when Joan sees Andre’s report card and discovers that Andre failed one class and came close to failing several others, she orders him to go all the way to Inglewood to see his “mentor,” Ray (played by Ken Page). Because Joan has to go to work and there’s no one around who can drive Andre all the way across town, she gives Andre permission to ride the bus. However, she also orders him to sit in front, where it’s safe. Joan then tells Tasha that she’s going to have to give up her day to look after Deion. Tasha gets angry, wondering why she’s the one having to give up her freedom when she’s also the one who actually gets good grades and “doesn’t need a mentor to keep (her) from messing up (her) life.”

I have two thoughts about this.

First off, Tasha is absolutely right to be upset. Why did Joan adopt Deion when she was already financially struggling and she had two children to raise? The show suggests that Joan adopted Deion because she needed a replacement for Marcus but still, it does seem like the responsibility for looking after Deion falls on Tasha much more often than it does on Andre. When Tasha says that she feels that she’s punished for being responsible, she has a point. Obviously, someone has to look after Deion but Joan could, at the very least, acknowledge that the whole situation isn’t easy for Tasha.

Secondly, I have to admit that I’ve always taken the idea of riding the bus for granted. Of course, it’s not something that I do on a regular basis but, whenever I have been on a bus, I’ve felt safe and the only thing that really worried me was dealing with motion sickness. One of the things that South Central did so well was it showed how the experiences that I, as someone living in the suburbs, take for granted (like being able to safely ride a bus) are far different for people living in neighborhoods that are dealing with poverty and crime.

Andre and his friend Rashad, for instance, defy Joan and sit in the back of the bus, where they are eventually confronted by two gang members who steal Rashad’s radio. When Andre tries to stand up to them, one of them pulls a gun on him. Rashad escapes by jumping out the bus’s back window and probably the only thing that saves Andre’s life is that the gunman’s friend recognizes him as being Marcus’s brother. In the second episode, a friend of Marcus’s gave Andre money. In this episode, another one of Marcus’s friends saves Andre’s life. Marcus may be dead but his name still carries some power and it’s hard not to compare the respect that Marcus commands with Joan having to take a job bagging groceries just to keep her home.

Andre finally does reach Ray’s home and is immediately impressed with Ray’s big house, his big TV, and his stereo equipment. (He is less impressed with what’s playing on Ray’s radio, asking Ray why he’s listening to “white music.”) Ray tells Andre that the only way he’ll ever have a decent home is if he improves his grades and goes to college. Andre, however, is more interested in Nicole (Maia Campbell), who comes from a wealthy family and who works, “after school,” as Ray’s administrative assistant. When Andre hears that Nicole wants to go to Princeton, Andre decides that he wants to go there too.

Ray is hesitant to give Nicole’s number to Andre, which Andre takes to mean that Ray thinks that Andre isn’t good enough to date a girl from an upper class family. However, the next day, Ray has a change of heart and invites Andre to come to church with him and Nicole’s family. An excited Andre agrees but, unfortunately, this means taking the bus once again. When the guy who previously pulled a gun on him sees Andre on the bus, he not only beats up Andre but also steals his good church shoes.

Andre shows up at Ray’s house, bloody and barefoot. It’s not the best way for Andre to meet Nicole’s parents. When Nicole promises that she’ll check on how Andre is doing after church, Nicole’s mother responds, “No, you won’t.” Ouch!

Ray takes Andre home where Joan announces that Andre is no longer allowed to ride the bus, regardless of how he feels about Nicole. Andre, having paid Nicole’s cousin five dollars for her number, calls Nicole and promises her that they’ll see each other, regardless of what their parents think.

This was a strong episode. It can be easy to get annoyed with Andre, who tends to talk a big game but, watching this episode, it’s obvious that he’s perhaps the most naïve character on the show. The only male role model that he has in his life is Ray and, as this episode makes clear, Ray is well-meaning but doesn’t exactly understand the realities that Andre has to deal with on a day-to-day basis. I mean, what’s the point of having a mentor if there’s a good chance you’re going to get killed trying to visit him? Andre refuses to surrender and rides the bus a second time in order to see Nicole and he gets mugged for his trouble. With the whole world seeming to be against him, who can be surprised that getting good grades isn’t his number one concern?

Episode 1.4 “CO-op”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on May 3rd, 1994)

It’s a big day for all the members of the Mosely family!

Andre manages to get a ride into Inglewood, where he shows up unannounced at Ray’s office and finally gets Nicole to agree to go out on a date with him on Friday. I have to admit that I cringed a bit at the scene where Andre showed up, if just because I worked as an administrative assistant when I first got out of college and I know how annoying it is to have some jerk show up and try to keep you from getting your filing done. If the previous episode was about revealing Andre’s hidden depths, this episode was all about his immaturity. Nicole’s decision to kiss Andre and make a date with him honestly felt more like her rebelling against her parents than actually being attracted to Andre as an individual.

While Andre is getting a date with Nicole, Joan is getting humiliated on television. When Bobby (Clifton Powell) arranges for the local news to come do a live spot from the Ujamaa Co-op, he introduces Joan as being someone that he (and the Co-op) saved from having to go on welfare by hiring her to bag groceries. When Joan snaps that Bobby humiliated her, Bobby challenges her to tell him what was inaccurate about anything he said. Joan points out that, for someone who claims to be all about sacrificing for the community, Bobby certainly has the money to afford “a new dashiki.” And Joan does have a point. Bobby is one of the more interesting characters on the show, mixing a sincere desire to improve his community with a healthy ego that prevents him from realizing just how condescending he can be when spreading his message.

Of course, with Andre and Joan both occupied, it falls on Tasha to once again sacrifice her plans so that she can take care of Deion and make sure that he goes to his therapy session. Deion, who doesn’t converse but does often yell, strikes Tasha at one point and, by the time Tasha arrives at the therapist’s office, she’s sick of dealing with him. The therapist (CCH Pounder) sends Deion to play in another room and then talks to Tasha. Tasha finally gets to talk about how unfair it is that, because she’s the responsible one, she’s the one who is always expected to give up her plans. This really was Tasha Scott’s showcase episode and she did a great job showing how difficult it is to have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. This episode works because it not only acknowledges Tasha’s anger but it also admits that there isn’t an easy solution. The therapist doesn’t come up with some perfect turn of the phrase that makes everything better. Instead, in the end, Tasha takes some comfort in the fact that the now calm Deion briefly reaches out towards her, showing her the first real appreciation that she’s received in the series.

Next week, Tasha and Andre’s father briefly returns to their lives.

Guilty As Charged (1991, directed by Sam Irvin)

Posted on March 28, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

Kalin (Rod Steiger) is a crazy old religious fanatic who is rich enough to own a meatpacking plant and hire goons to work for him. Underneath the meatpacking plant, he has a secret prison and an electric chair that he uses to electrocute people who he feels have escaped justice. Helping out Kalin is a crazy preacher, played by Isaac Hayes (!), who waxes philosophically about how much he loves the smell of burning flesh.

While Kalin and the gang are executing people below ground, parole officer Kimberly (Heather Graham) is above ground and wondering why so many ex-cons are mysteriously vanishing. Kimberly is worried that someone may be executing them but then she gets distracted by a politician named Stanford (Lyman Ward). Stanford wants Kimberly to work on his campaign because she looks like Heather Graham and he’s a sleazy politico.

Meanwhile, a man named Hamilton (Michael Beach) has escaped from prison. Hamilton claims that he was framed for a murder that he didn’t commit but no one is willing to believe him. However, Hamilton is telling the truth and the murder was actually committed by Stanford! The only people who know that Stanford is the murderer are Stanford, his wife (Lauren Hutton!!), and his maid (Zelda Rubinstein!!!).

It all leads to one question: How did all of these talented people all end up in this crappy film!?

The strange thing about Guilty As Charged is that, even though the film is centered around the death penalty, the film itself doesn’t seem to have any opinion on the issue. Kalin and his followers are crazy religious fanatics who claim that they’re doing God’s work by executing people and Hamilton is an innocent man who has been marked for death so you would think that the movie is against the death penalty. But then, in a twist that makes no sense, Kalin reveals that he knows that Hamilton is innocent and he’s only using him to get to Stanford and suddenly, the film is for the death penalty. Kimberly is worried that someone is targeting ex-cons but, by the end of the movie, she’s targeting ex-cons herself even though nothing’s happened that should have made her change her mind.

Guilty as Charged is technically a comedy, though most of the jokes are too thuddingly obvious to provoke even the slightest of a smile. Hayes wins some laughs, just because he seems like he’s having fun. Rod Steiger bellows as if he’s getting paid by the decibel and doesn’t seem to be having any fun at all. Guilty as Charged isn’t funny and it’s not thought-provoking but at least it’s got Isaac Hayes.

Let’s Talk About Deep Blue Sea 2 (dir by Darin Scott)

Posted on August 12, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, today was the first day of SyFy’s final Sharknado week. Leading up to next Sunday’s premiere of The Last Sharknado, SyFy is not only going to be rebroadcasting some of their classic shark films but they’re also going to be premiering a new film every night of the week.

(I’m in Killer Shark Heaven! Yes, the real one…)

They got things started tonight with Deep Blue Sea 2.

Now, before anything else, I should clarify that Deep Blue Sea 2 made its television premiere tonight but the movie itself has actually been out for a while. As opposed to the Sharknado films, Deep Blue Sea 2 was not specifically produced for or by the SyFy Network. Instead, the production honors go to Warner Bros, the same company that distributed the first Deep Blue Sea. Way back in April, Deep Blue Sea 2 was released on Blu-ray, DVD, Digital HD, and VOD and it actually did quite well for a straight-to-video release. There were enough fans of the original film that the sequel was able to rank in the top 10 of VOD releases for two straight weeks.

So, Deep Blue Sea 2 was not produced by the Asylum. Perhaps it would have been better if it had been.

Deep Blue Sea 2 retells the basic story of Deep Blue Sea, just on a much smaller level. Whereas Deep Blue Sea featured an army of big, scary sharks, the sequel features one really big shark and a bunch of baby sharks, all of which are cute but deadly. Whereas the first film was distinguished by detailed set design that gave the underwater laboratory a lived-in feel, the sequel features a lab that is frequently so dark and underlit that I often had a hard time distinguishing one actor from another. Whereas the first film features recognizable actors like Samuel L. Jackson and Stellan Skarsgard getting eaten by sharks, the sequel features a cast that, with the exception of Michael Beach, is largely unknown.

And while the entire cast is undeniably talented and does the best that they can with what they’ve been given to work with, everyone in the film is playing a type. Michael Beach is Durant, the pharmaceutical billionaire who, despite what happened in the first film, is breeding super intelligent sharks and drinking their blood. (You read that right.) Danielle Savre is Misty Calhoun, the shark conservationist who thinks that mankind is to blame for all the troubles in the world. Rob Mayes is Trent Slater, the Navy SEAL who knows how to fight sharks. Nathan Lynn is Aaron, the nerdy virgin computer guy. Kim Syster and Jeremy Jess Boado are the obviously doomed married couple. Darron Myer is the guy who you know is going to die as soon as you notice that he doesn’t take off his tie, even when he’s in an underwater lab. And then you have Cameron Robertson as the guy who sticks his arm down a shark’s throat and Adrian Collins as the diver who thinks it’s a good idea to taunt sharks that can literally jump out of the water and bite your head off.

Of course, as soon as everyone’s in the lab, the super smart sharks rebel and the majority of the cast ends up getting eaten. There’s no big shock there. Some of the gore effects are well-done. Faces are ripped off with panache and one unfortunate victim falls apart as soon as he’s pulled out of the water. Michael Beach has a lot of fun with the role of the ranting Durant and it was impossible not to smile whenever he would smirk off Misty’s outrage. For the most part, though, Deep Blue Sea 2 moved too slowly and didn’t feature enough shark action. That said, I think this is the first shark film that I’ve ever seen in which the sharks actually growl at people and that’s got to be worth something.

Catching-Up With Two Courtroom Dramas: Suspect and 12 Angry Men

Posted on June 24, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As a part of my continuing effort to get caught up with reviewing all of the movies that I’ve seen this year, here’s two courtroom dramas that I recently caught on This TV.

Suspect
Released in 1987
Directed by Peter Yates
Starring Cher, Dennis Quaid, Liam Neeson, John Mahoney, Joe Mantegna, Philip Bosco, Fred Melamed, Bernie McInerney, Bill Cobbs, Richard Gant, Jim Walton, Michael Beach, Ralph Cosham, Djanet Sears

Suspect is a hilariously dumb movie. How dumb is it? Let me count the ways.

First off, Cher plays a highly successful if rather stressed public defender. And don’t get me wrong. It’s not that Cher is a bad actress or anything. She’s actually pretty good when she’s playing Cher. But, in this movie, she’s playing someone who managed to graduate from law school and pass the DC bar.

Secondly, Cher is assigned to defend a homeless man when he’s accused of murdering a clerk who works for the Justice Department. The homeless man is deaf and mute, which isn’t funny. What is funny is when he gets a shave and a shower and he’s magically revealed to be a rather handsome and fresh-faced Liam Neeson. Liam doesn’t give a bad performance in the role. In fact, he probably gives the best performance in the film. But still, it’s hard to escape the fact that he’s Liam Neeson and he basically looks like he just arrived for a weekend at Cannes.

Third, during the trial, one of the jurors (Dennis Quaid) decides to investigate the case on his own. Cher even helps him do it, which is the type of thing that would get a real-life attorney disbarred. However, I guess Cher thinks that it’s worth the risk. I guess that’s the power of Dennis Quaid’s smile.

Fourth, the prosecuting attorney is played by Joe Mantegna and he gives such a good performance that you find yourself hoping that he wins the case.

Fifth, while it’s true that real-life attorneys are rarely as slick or well-dressed as they are portrayed in the movies, one would think that Cher would at least take off her leather jacket before cross-examining a witness.

Sixth, it’s not a spoiler to tell you that the homeless man is innocent. We know he’s innocent from the minute that we see he’s Liam Neeson. Liam only kills who people deserve it. The real murderer is revealed at the end of the film and it turns out to be the last person you would suspect, mostly because we haven’t been given any reason to suspect him. The ending is less of a twist and more an extended middle finger to any viewer actually trying to solve the damn mystery.

I usually enjoy a good courtroom drama but bad courtroom dramas put me to sleep. Guess which one Suspect was.

12 Angry Men
Released 1997
Directed by William Friedkin
Starring Courtney B. Vance, Ossie Davis, George C. Scott, Armin Mueller-Stahl, Dorian Harewood, James Gandolfini, Tony Danza, Jack Lemmon, Hume Cronyn, Mykelti Williamson, Edward James Olmos, William Petersen, Mary McDonnell, Tyrees Allen, Douglas Spain

The 12 Angry Men are back!

Well, no, not actually. This is a remake of the classic 1957 film and it was produced for Showtime. It’s updated in that not all of the jurors are white and bigoted Juror #10 (Mykelti Williamson) is now a member of the Nation of Islam. Otherwise, it’s the same script, with Juror #8 (Jack Lemmon) trying to convince the other jurors not to send a young man to Death Row while Juror #3 (George C. Scott) deals with his family issues.

I really wanted to like this production, as it had a strong cast and a strong director and it was a remake of one of my favorite films. Unfortunately, the remake just didn’t work for me. As good an actor as Jack Lemmon was, he just didn’t project the same moral authority as Henry Fonda did the original. If Fonda seemed to be the voice of truth and integrity, Lemmon just came across like an old man who had too much time on his hands. Without Fonda’s moral certitude, 12 Angry Men simply becomes a story about how 12 men acquitted a boy of murder because they assumed that a woman would be too vain to wear her glasses to court. The brilliance of the original is that it keeps you from dwelling on the fact that the accused was probably guilty. The remake, however, feels like almost an argument for abandoning the jury system.

Embracing the Melodrama Part II #87: One False Move (dir by Carl Franklin)

Posted on May 26, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Who doesn’t love Bill Paxton?

Seriously, he’s just one of those actors. He’s appeared in a countless number of films and he’s played a lot of different characters. He was a psycho vampire in Near Dark. He was the underwater explorer who got stuck with all of the worst lines in Titanic. In Frailty, he was a father who was driven to murder by heavenly visions. He was the sleaziest of sleazes in Nightcrawler. And, of course, in Big Love, he was an unrepentant polygamist. In all of these roles, Paxton showed the quirkiness that has made him so beloved to film lovers like me. Much like Kevin Bacon, it doesn’t matter what role Bill Paxton is playing. You’re going to like him and you’re going to be happy to see him onscreen.

And yet, considering just how many popular films that he’s appeared in, it’s interesting to note that Bill Paxton’s best performance can be found in a film about which not many people seem to have heard. That film is the 1992 Southern crime drama, One False Move.

Actually, it does the film a disservice to refer to it as merely being a crime drama. I mean, it is a drama and it even has a properly dark ending to prove that fact. And it is about criminals and police officers. But ultimately, the film’s plot is just a starting point that the film uses to examine issues of culture, race, and guilt. In the end, One False Movie is an unexpectedly poignant and penatrating character study of 5 very different people.

We start out with three criminals. Ray (played by Billy Bob Thornton, who also co-wrote the script) is a career criminal, a white trash redneck who is not particularly smart but who is dangerous because he’s ruthless and he’s willing to whatever he need to do to survive. (If you’ve lived in the country, you will recognize Ray’s type as soon as you see him.) Ray’s girlfriend is Fantasia (Cynda Williams), a beautiful but insecure woman. And finally, there’s Ray’s partner and former cellmate, Pluto (Michael Beach). Of the three of them, Pluto is the most menacing, a knife-wielding sociopath with an IQ of 150. Even though he’s working with Ray and Fantasia, Pluto always makes it clear that he considers himself to be both separate from and better than both of them.

Ray, Pluto, and Fantasia have just brutally murdered 6 people in Los Angeles, all of whom were friends of Fantasia’s. Now, they’re making their way to Houston, planning on selling stolen cocaine. Pursuing them are two LAPD detective, Cole (Jim Metzler) and McFeeley (Earl Billings). When Cole and McFeeley come across evidence that the three criminals might have a connection with the tiny town of Star City, Arkansas, they call up the local sheriff.

And that’s where Bill Paxton shows up.

Paxton plays Sheriff Dale Dixon. Dale’s nickname is Hurricane and it’s soon obvious why. Like a hurricane, Dale never stops moving. He’s a well-meaning but hyperactive good old boy who has a talent for saying exactly the wrong thing. When he first talks to Cole and McFeeley over the phone, he amuses them with his enthusiastic bragging and briefly offends them with his casual racism.

Cole and McFeeley eventually end up taking a trip to Star City, so that they can investigate how the three criminals are connected to this tiny town. When Dixon meets up with them, he asks them if they could help him get a job with the LAPD. The two cops initially humor Dixon and laugh at him behind his back. When Dixon’s wife (a wonderful performance from Natalie Canerday) asks Cole to keep Dixon safe, Cole assures her that Ray, Fantasia, and Pluto are probably not even going to come anywhere near Star City.

However, Dixon soon reveals to the two cops that Fantasia’s name is Lila and that her family lives in Star City. What he doesn’t tell them, however, is that he and Lila have a personal connection of their own…

One False Move is a twisty and intense thriller, one that’s distinguished by strong performances from the entire cast. (Even Metzler and Billings bring unexpected shadings to Cole and McFeeley, who, in any other film, would have been portrayed as being stock characters.) But the film is truly dominated by Bill Paxton. When we first meet Dixon, he seems like a joke. We’re sure that he’ll somehow end up being the film’s hero (because that’s what happens in movies about small town sheriffs being underestimated by big city cops) but what we’re not expecting is that Dale is going to turn out to be such a multi-layered and fascinating character. Just as Dale eventually starts to lower his defenses and reveal who he truly is, Paxton also starts to reign in his initially overwhelming performance and reveals himself to be a subtle and perceptive actor. It’s a great performance that elevates the entire film. Al Pacino won the 1992 Oscar for Best Actor for his performance in Scent of a Woman. That award should have gone to the unnominated Bill Paxton.

It wouldn’t be fair to reveal One False Move‘s secrets. It’s a film that you really should see for yourself.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #112: Megachurch Murder (dir by Darin Scott)

Posted on February 7, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Earlier tonight, I watched the latest Lifetime original film, Megachurch Murder!

Why Was I Watching It?

First off, it was on Lifetime. And secondly, I had read that the film was supposedly based on Hamlet!

What Was It About?

Something’s rotten in the state of Denmark … Denmark, Georgia that is. Shortly after resisting the efforts of Michael Beach to expand his church, Pastor Malcolm Jamal-Warner dies under mysterious circumstances. Soon, Beach is having an affair with the pastor’s widow (Tamala Jones) and the pastor’s daughter (Shanica Knowles) is convinced that there’s been a murder. Complicating things: Knowles is dating Beach’s son, Romeo Miller.

What Worked?

To be honest, the best thing about Megachurch Murder were the tweets. This is one of those films that seemed to bring out the best of twitter.

I appreciated that the film pretended to be based on Hamlet, even though the story itself had next to nothing in common with Shakespeare’s play. That said, two youth group leaders did show up as the Megachurch Murder equivalents of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

Most of the actors seemed to just be going through the motions but Michael Beach did a good job in the role of Clay King. He made for a great villain.

What Did Not Work?

All through the movie, whenever Hannah had to get away from it all, she always went to the exact same bridge. At first, it was funny that she was always standing on that bridge. But, after the 20th scene on that bridge, I started to wonder why nobody else in the town of Denmark ever seemed to use the bridge. Finally, by the time that Clay was demanding to know where Hannah was, I found myself shouting at the TV, “She’s on the bridge! She’s always on the damn bridge!”

Plus, Romeo Miller … actually, to be honest, I think Romeo Miller could give a good performance if cast in the right role. But, in this film, I kept expecting him to start talking about ICDC college. Whenever he was comforting Hannah, I kept waiting for him to say, “You can major in criminal justice or homeland security…”

Finally, I was surprised to discover that, at the end of the film, people were still attending the church. After three violent deaths, I’d probably change parishes.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

To be honest, and no one is more shocked by this than me, this is probably the first Lifetime film that I’ve ever watched that featured absolutely no moments that made me go, “Oh my God! Just like me!” I guess it’s because I was raised Catholic and didn’t have to deal with any murders while I was growing up.

It is true that, much like Hannah, I did go through my rebellious phase and I would snap at any adult who tried to speak to me. However, Hannah had an excuse. She was dealing with her father’s murder whereas, in my case, I was just a brat. So, it really doesn’t count as a “OMG! Just like me!” moment.

Lessons Learned

Big church = murder.