What’s A Brother For?”

Posted on September 27, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time for a Halloween cruise!

Episode 3.8 “Play by Play/Cindy/What’s A Brother For?”

(Dir by James Sheldon and George Tyne, originally aired on October 27th, 1979)

Yes, this episode does feature the Love Boat’s annual Halloween cruise but sadly, it doesn’t do much with the theme. Last season’s Halloween cruise featured Vincent Price as an illusionist. This season, there is a costume ball but it’s mostly just there so that the show can do a take off on Cinderella.

Cindy (Melissa Sue Anderson) is a shy girl who boards the ship with her wicked stepmother (Carolyn Jones) and her two less-than appealing step-sisters (Ronda Bates and Lila Kent). While the stepmother tries to find an eligible bachelor for either one of her biological daughters, Cindy is expected to stay in the cabin and do the laundry. However, Gopher hears Cindy singing Witchcraft and decides that Cindy simply has to sing for “the prince of pop,” Preston Maddox (Frank Sinatra, Jr., who looks like a cross between his father and Jerry Lewis). However, how can Cindy escape from the cabin? Gopher arranges for her to go to the costume ball and he even steals Julia’s Cinderella costume so Cindy can go incognito. Cindy impresses Preston but, when Julie sees that Cindy is wearing her costume, Cindy makes a run for it. She leaves behind one glass slipper and …. well, you know where this is going, right? As everyone disembarks in Los Angeles, Preston has them try to on the slipper. Cindy, however, doesn’t have to try on the slipper to prove her identity. She just has to start singing Witchcraft. By the end of the episode, you’ll wonder if Cindy knows any other songs.

While all that is going on, Bud Pomeroy (Christopher George) and Peggy Rossmore (Lynda Day George) are two sportscasters who work together but actually dislike each other. Peggy thinks Bud is a chauvinist and Bud thinks that Peggy was only hired for her looks. They decide to compete in a series of athletic events to determine who will stay at their station and who will quit. Bud wins at arm wrestling. Peggy wins a 5-mile race around the ship. To determine their third event, Peggy randomly draws a piece of paper from Captain Stubing’s hat and discovers that the next competition will be weight-lifting! When Bud throws his back out, it looks like Cindy is going to win but then Cindy asks Bud to stay and they discover that they actually love each other. Yay! Neither the story nor the characters were that interesting but Christopher George and Lynda Day George were married in real life and they made an attractive couple.

Finally, Tom Benton (Tom Hallick) has devoted his entire life to looking after his brother, Matt (Patrick Wayne), who uses crutches. When Tom meets and falls in love with Kris (Joan Van Ark), Matt realizes that it is time for Tom to move on and find some happiness of his own.

For the most part, this was a typically pleasant episode of The Love Boat but, as a Halloween episode, it was a major disappointment. They should have had some fun with season but, unfortunately, they didn’t. This was like going on a Christmas cruise and not getting any presents.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.4 “Going My Way/Dance with Me/Doc, Be Patient”

Posted on August 30, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week’s cruise is all about love and dancing!

Episode 3.4 “Going My Way/Dance with Me/Doc, Be Patient”

(Dir by Adam Rafkin and James Sheldon, originally aired on September 29th, 1979)

Oh no! The ship has just left port and Doc Bricker has come down with the flu! He’s so sick that he can barely walk without getting dizzy. Fortunately, there’s another doctor on the boat. Dr. Emily Bradford (Susan Sullivan) takes time away from her own vacation to not only look after Doc but also check in on his other patients. I have to admit that I found myself wondering if the cruise line agreed to pay her for filling in for Doc or if she just did it for free. It seems like, if she misdiagnosed anyone on the boat, it would lead to an even bigger lawsuit than usual.

It turns out that Doc is not a particularly good patient. He hates having his temperature taken. He hates getting shots. He even resists allowing Emily to take a look at his throat. But when he ends up sick and delirious, he’s thankful that Emily’s there. In fact, he’s so thankful that he decides that he’s in love with Emily and he wants her to spend all of her time with him! Emily reveals to Doc that he’s doing what so many past patients have done to him, falling in love with the person who takes care of them. A chagrined Doc says that he’s going to have to write a lot of apologies to his former patients.

Probably one of the stranger aspects of The Love Boat has always been the portrayal of Doc Bricker as some sort of decadent swinger. Bernie Kopell was very likable in the role of Adam Bricker but there was also absolutely nothing about him that would make one think that he was some sort of fun-loving satyr. While the show insisted that Doc was a legendary womanizer, he actually came across as being a mild-mannered, slightly out-of-touch but well-meaning suburbanite who just happened to work on a cruise ship. In this episode, Doc actually got to show some vulnerability and it was nice to see. Certainly, Bernie Kopell seemed to be more comfortable playing Doc as someone who hated needles as opposed to as a doctor who casually kept adult magazines in his waiting room.

While Doc came down with the flu, Suzy Butterfield (Arlene Golonka) is determined to still take her cruise despite having been stood up by her boyfriend. Because she has an extra ticket and because she enjoyed the jokes that he told while driving her to the docks, Suzy impulsively invites her cab driver, Mickey Greenbaum (Buddy Hackett) to join her on the cruise. Mickey, an aspiring writer, agrees and I assume he also loses his job as a taxi driver as a result.

On the boat, Suzy recommends women that Mickey could date and Mickey recommend men that Suzy could date but, of course, they’re destined to end up together. And, of course, they do. Mickey even proposes marriage. Yay! This was a sweet story, even if Buddy Hackett wasn’t the most convincing romantic lead. He was ten years older than Arlene Golonka and they had an older brother/little sister chemistry that didn’t exactly translate to romance. But no matter. I was still glad that things worked out for their characters.

Finally, world famous ballet dancer William Delaney (John Meehan) boards that boat with his much younger partner, Joanna (Starr Danias). Also on the cruise is William’s former partner, Marcy McGuire (Carol Lawrence). Marcy now runs a dance academy in Germany and she wants William to teach at the school. William realizes that he’s getting older and that he’s actually holding Joanna back by not retiring. William accepts Marcy’s offer, which Joanna’s misinterprets are William and Marcy having an affair. Fortunately, Captain Stubing is there to help gently explain the whole situation. Both John Meehan and Starr Danias were real-life dancers (To be honest, they were far better at dancing than delivering dialogue.) and the story is really just an excuse for the two of them to perform, together and separately. Starr Danias’s solo performance of Swan Lake was absolutely wonderful and, for me, the highlight of the cruise.

I enjoyed this episode. The passengers were likable, Doc Bricker finally stopped acting like a walking HR nightmare, and best of all …. there was dancing! This was a very enjoyable cruise.

Retro Television Reviews: Half Nelson Episode 1.8 “Malibu Colony”

Posted on April 28, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Half Nelson, which ran on NBC from March to May of 1985. Almost all nine of the show’s episodes can be found on YouTube!

Last week, I took a look at the sixth episode of Half Nelson, which was called Nose Job and which featured Rocky (Joe Pesci) dealing with an obsessed plastic surgeon who was stalking a former girlfriend. That episode featured not only two villains (it turned out that the plastic surgeon wasn’t the only homicidal stalker in Hollywood) but is also ended with Victoria Jackson’s Annie O’Hara starting a romantic relationship with Gary Grubbs’s Detective Hamill.

Nose Job was followed by an episode called Chariots For Hire. It apparently aired on April 26th, 1985 and that’s really all I can tell you about the episode. Chariots For Hire is the only episode of Half Nelson that has not been uploaded to YouTube. I can’t even find a plot summary for it on the imdb. Chariots For Hire is apparently the lost episode of Half Nelson.

Fortunately, the eighth episode of Half Nelson is on YouTube. So, let’s pick up the adventures of Rocky Nelson in Malibu Colony!

Episode 1.8 “Malibu Colony”

(Dir by James Sheldon, originally aired on May 3rd, 1985)

Rocky, Annie, Beau (Dick Butkus), and Kurt (Bubba Smith) have been assigned to guard what Rocky claims is “one of the most valuable art collections in the world.” Fortunately, this job means that they get to spend a few days hanging out in a fabulous beach house in Malibu! Standing out on the deck of the beach house, Annie looks out at the ocean and says that she can hardly believe that China is on the other side of it.

“I wonder how the egg rolls stay fresh crossing over from that far,” Kurt says.

Before anyone can ponder that question for too long, a half-naked woman runs screaming down the beach while being pursued by two thugs in suits. Rocky saves the woman from the thugs and sends her into the beach house so that she can borrow some clothes from Annie. Once dressed, the woman explains that she’s Nancy Norton (Shari Shattuck) and that she was fleeing from a nearby yacht club. She claims that the owner of the club has some naked pictures of her and she needs to get them back. Rocky, deciding that the art can protect itself, helps Nancy sneak back into the club so that she can retrieve her photographs. However, when she sees the club’s president, Crane (John Beck), she suddenly holds up a gun and shoots at him. Rocky is able to push Crane out of the way of the bullets and then he chases after Nancy.

Fortunately, both Rocky and Nancy make it out of the club without anyone realizing that they’re together. Despite the fact that she nearly made him an accessory to murder, Rocky still wants to help Nancy. Nancy explains that there are no pictures and she wasn’t trying to kill Crane. (“I just wanted to scare him.”) Nancy’s father lost a lot of money while playing poker with Crane and now Crane is threatening to kill him if he doesn’t pay. But Nancy is convinced that the poker game was rigged. The reason she was in club earlier was to take a look at Crane’s cards.

(For some reason, she thought it would be smart to do that while wearing a bikini, the top of which was somehow lost while she was fleeing Crane’s guards. That explains that partial nudity, which I am sure was definitely viewed as being important to the plot and not just as an attempt to boost the show’s ratings.)

Having saved Crane’s life, Rocky is able to get Annie, Kurt, and Beau jobs at the club. Annie models clothes. Kurt and Beau work as waiters. Rocky’s boss, Chester (Fred Williamson), shows up at the club with Dean Martin and is shocked to see all of his employees working there. Dean demands that Chester give them all raises so that they can quit their second jobs.

Eventually, Rocky finds his proof that Crane is a criminal and, with Chester’s help, he takes Crane down. After being stuck in the office for the past few episodes, Chester actually gets to do something in this episode. It’s always nice to see Fred Williamson in action and making it even better is that he smokes a big cigar while he’s taking down the bad guys. Finally, after eight episodes, Half Nelson reminded everyone of why Fred Williamson was so cool to begin with.

This episode definitely earns some points for allowing the entire supporting cast — from Fred Williamson to Victoria Jackson to Dean Martin — to play a role in solving the case of the week. One of Half Nelson‘s biggest flaws was that the appealingly quirky supporting characters often felt underused and Malibu Colony finally gives them a chance to show what they could have done as an ensemble. The mix of Pesci’s wise guy nerve, Jackson’s spaciness, Williamson’s effortless coolness, and Butkus and Smith’s comedic relief is actually pretty entertaining. Unfortunately, as good as the heroes are, Crane is pretty boring villain and the case of the week isn’t particularly interesting. In particular, Nancy’s actions never really make that much sense.

Oh well. This was a flawed episode but it still offered up a hint of what Half Nelson could have been. Next week, I will be reviewing this show’s final episode. Until then, L.A. — you belong to me!

Retro Television Reviews: Half Nelson Episode 1.4 “Uppers and Downers”

Posted on April 7, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The adventures of Rocky Nelson continue!

Episode 1.4 “Uppers and Downers”

(Dir by James Sheldon, originally aired on April 5th, 1985)

When a burglar alarm goes off in Beverly Hills, it’s Rocky Nelson (Joe Pesci) of Beverly Hills Patrol to the rescue! Reaching the mansion of a local businessman (played by Cliff Gorman), Rocky discovers that the alarm was set off by a racoon.

(“A racoon is Beverly Hills!?” Gorman’s wife says, in a tone that suggests that racoons are unknown creatures in California.)

Rocky also happens to spot the next door neighbor (Nancy Stafford) leading her personal trainer into her house, whispering that she’s going to show him her bedroom. At first, Rocky is amused but, later that day, Rocky hears that the personal trainer has been found, floating in Stafford’s swimming pool. Stafford claims that the trainer had a heart attack while swimming but, upon arriving at the scene, Rocky immediately figures out that the trainer died in the house and was then dragged out to the pool. Stafford swears that she didn’t kill him and Rocky believes her. However, when the autopsy report reveals that the trainer was dead before he was put in the pool, Stafford is arrested and charged with murdering him by hitting him over the head.

Despite being told by his boss (Fred Williamson) to stay away from the case, Rocky feels that he has to prove Stafford’s innocence. Rocky’s first plan is to have his associates, Kurt (Bubba Smith) and Beau (Dick Butkus), disguise themselves as mortuary attendants and steal the trainer’s body from the crematorium. Rocky then takes the body to a coroner who does a second autopsy and discovers that not only did the trainer have a heart attack but that he was also poisoned! Someone slipped the trainer a pill that was specifically designed to cause a heart attack. Now, it’s up to Rocky to discover who that person was and clear Stafford’s name before Stafford’s husband (Brett Halsey, a veteran of Italian horror and spaghetti westerns) files for divorce.

Rocky deduces that the trainer was probably targeted by a jealous husband. Rocky decides to disguise himself as a physical trainer so that he can get close to all of the dead man’s former clients. How does Rocky prepare for this role? He does calisthenics with his landlord, Dean Martin. When Rocky mentions that he needs someone to determine whether or not his clients are lying to him, Dean Martin suggests that he steal a lie detector from the set of “Burt’s new film.” (I’m guessing that Burt was a reference to Burt Reynolds, Dean’s co-star in two Cannonball Run films.) Rocky promptly goes down to the studio backlot and steals a bunch of Burt Reynolds’s property.

(The backlot was a prominent and amusing part of the show’s pilot but it was ignored during last week’s episode. I was glad to see it back for this episode because Dean Martin instructing Joe Pesci to steal Burt Reynolds’s lie detector will never not be amusing.)

Rocky meets with all of the dead trainer’s clients and tricks them into hooking themselves up to the lie detector by telling them that it’s a instrument that will check their heart rate. Rocky discovers that any number of people could have wanted the trainer dead. However, those of us in the audience already knows that Cliff Gorman is the murderer because we witnessed Gorman gloating about it earlier in the episode. Rocky eventually figures it out as well and tricks Gorman into confessing by pretending to take one of the heart attack pills while driving Gorman around Beverly Hills.

Thanks to the visit to the studio lot and Dean Martin’s eccentric performance, this episode was an improvement on last week’s. That said, it still suffered from the fact that the murder itself wasn’t that interesting (with Gorman’s ruthless businessman not getting much characterization beyond being evil). Despite being second and third-billed in the opening credits, neither Victoria Jackson nor Fred Williamson got to do much in this episode and considering that both of those performers had their own unique and eccentric style, it feels like a bit of waste to just have them sitting in the office and uttering just a handful of lines per episode. The main appeal of the show continues to be Joe Pesci, who brings a lot of streetwise charm to Rocky. In the episodes that I’ve watched so far, Pesci is likable and engaging as Rocky and I think his performance would surprise a lot of people who are used to Pesci playing killers with hair-trigger tempers. Rocky is smart and tough but ultimately rather friendly. In his performance in Half Nelson, one can see hints of his later performance in The Irishman, I just wish the rest of this show was as consistently good.

Next week: Joe Pesci faces off against John Saxon! That sounds promising! We’ll see how it goes.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.14 “Isaac’s Double Standard / One More Time / Chimpanzeeshines”

Posted on December 7, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time for love and monkeys!

Episode 1.14 “Isaac’s Double Standard / One More Time / Chimpanzeeshines”

(Dir by James Sheldon and Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 14th, 1978)

This is a bit of an odd episode.

It’s odd because it features yet another stowaway. Somehow various characters were always managing to stow away on the boat. This week, the stowaway was a chimpanzee. How did a chimpanzee get on the boat? Gopher brought her on. Apparently, Gopher was under the impression that he had the week off so he agreed to look after a friend’s chimpanzee. Then he discover that he actually was working that week so he decided that it would be a good idea to smuggle the chimpanzee onto the boat. Of course, it doesn’t take long for Isaac and Julie to discover that Gopher has a chimpanzee in his cabin. Neither one of them appears to be surprised that Gopher has a friend who owns a chimpanzee. Me, I would want more information on whether or not Gopher’s friend worked for a circus or a zoo or a research lab. I mean, most people just don’t own chimpanzees as pets. Instead, everyone just accepts that Gopher is living with a monkey and that it is now their duty to keep Captain Stubing from finding out.

Of course, the chimpanzee gets loose. She runs around the ship, stealing food and clothes and surprising passengers. Fortunately, she’s a well-trained chimpanzee and she doesn’t try to kill anyone. In real life, Chimpanzees are known for being extremely dangerous and unpredictable. On shows like this, they’re adorable!

While looking for the chimp, Gopher meets and has a romance with Anne Parker (Kim Lankford), who has just had a nose job. She’s insecure about her new nose. Everyone assures her that her new nose looks great. And it does! As someone who spent most of her teen years planning on getting a nose job, I was really impressed with it. (For the record, I still have my original nose and I now realize I wouldn’t change it for the world.)

While Gopher is dealing with the chimp, Isaac is freaking out because his mother (Pearl Bailey) is on the ship with her new boyfriend (Arthur Adams) and they’re sharing a cabin! Isaac is being a little bit hypocritical because he happens to be sharing a cabin with his girlfriend, Charlene (Tracy Reed). Isaac finally realizes he’s not being fair and he accepts the fact that his mother is having sex at his workplace. So, it all works out.

Meanwhile, in our third storyline, Nanentte Fabray is a singer who is hired to provide the cruise’s entertainment. She’s upset to discover that her pianist (Don Adams) is also her ex-partner. Don’t worry, they get back together by the end of the cruise. Of course, everyone’s too busy looking for the chimpanzee to notice.

This was not a terrible episode, just an odd one. The Nanette Fabray/Don Adams storyline was pretty forgettable and, though it’s always cool when Ted Lange actually gets to do something other than make drinks, Isaac’s family situation played out predictably. What made this episode stand out, for better or worse, was all the business with the chimpanzee. How Gopher kept his job after that, I have no idea. Chimpanzees have been known to kill people if they get stressed out and being dragged onto a cruise ship by a stranger seems like it would be a stressful situation. Still, after all that, Gopher kept his job. I’m beginning to think that Captain Stubing might not be the disciplinarian that the crew things he is.

Next week, we’ve got more love but hopefully less monkeys.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.13 “Too Hot to Handle / Family Reunion / Cinderella Story”

Posted on November 30, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s Love!

Episode 1.13 “Too Hot to Handle / Family Reunion / Cinderella Story”

(Dir by James Sheldon and Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 7th, 1978)

It’s time for another cruise with three separate stories!

Newlyweds George (John Rubinstein) and Sally Allison (a youngish Kathy Bates) board the Pacific Princess, hoping to enjoy the ideal honeymoon. Instead, it turns out to be one disaster after another. Sally gets sunburned. George gets poison ivy. Having gotten off the boat in Mexico, Sally returns to discover a totally different couple staying in what she thinks is her cabin. Uh-oh. It turns out that Sally accidentally got on the Sun Princess and the Pacific Princess has already set sail without her! This was a pretty simple storyline and, if anything, it mostly seemed to exist so that the show’s writers could see how many bad things that they could do to one perfectly innocent couple. But John Rubinstein and Katy Bates are so likable as George and Sally that the story works. You can’t help but hope the cruise gets a little better for them. Kathy Bates was 29 when she appeared on The Love Boat and there’s nothing about her performance that would necessarily make you say, “Hey, that’s a future Oscar winner!” But still, both she and John Rubinstein do a good job with the material that they’ve been given.

Meanwhile, Tommy (Bob Crane) is a middle-aged man who has been hired to work as a steward on the ship. Captain Stubing takes an immediate dislike to the irresponsible, womanizing Tommy. When he discovers that Tommy has been drinking on the job, Stubing comes close to firing him. However, Tommy confesses that he’s drinking because he’s just discovered that the daughter who he abandoned years ago is on the cruise. Wendy (Dori Brenner) has always believed that her father died in a shipwreck and she hopes that Stubing might know something about the wreck. Seeking to help out Tommy, Stubing tells a lot of lies about Wendy’s “deceased” father but Tommy finally breaks down and confesses the truth. At first, Wendy rejects Tommy but, with the help of her understanding husband (Robert Hays), she eventually forgives her father.

This storyline hinges on a huge coincidence. What are the chances that Tommy and Wendy would just happen to end up on the same cruise together and that Tommy would be assigned to serve as Wendy’s steward? On top of that, what are the chances that Wendy would just happen to have a picture of her mother sitting out where Tommy could see it? It’s all fairly predictable but, if you’ve seen Auto Focus, it’s interesting to watch Crane’s performance here. This episode aired just a few months before Crane was murdered in Arizona and it’s easy to see the charismatic but irresponsible and self-destructive Tommy as being a reflection of who Bob Crane himself had reportedly become at the time of his death. Tommy is a character who lives with a lot of emotional pain and regret and Crane is so surprisingly effective in the role that it’s hard not to wonder if perhaps, on some level, he related to Tommy.

Finally, in the show’s final storyline, Bill Edwards (Bruce Solomon) is a supermarket manager who has booked a cruise with his wife, Doreen (Judy Luciano). When a wealthy advertising exec cancels his trip, Julie and Gopher decide to let Bill and Doreen stay in the man’s luxury cabin. This, of course, leads to Stubing mistaking Bill for the ad exec! Suddenly, Bill and Doreen are sitting at the captain’s table and competing for an advertising contract! Eventually, the truth comes out but business tycoon Greg Beatty (David White) is so impressed with Bill’s ideas that he arranges for Bill to get a job with an actual advertising company. Mad Men it’s not! However, it’s still a charming little story, largely due to the performances of Bruce Solomon and Judy Luciano.

If last week’s episode was a “lesser Love Boat,” this week’s episode show just how much fun The Love Boat could be. Yes, all of the stories are fairly predictable but the guest stars all perform their roles with a lot of energy. Bob Crane brings a poignant sense of regret to his performance as Tommy while Bruce Solomon and Judy Luciano are exactly the type of attrative couple that you would want to meet on a cruise. And, as I said already, it’s impossible not to like John Rubinstein and Kathy Bates as the newlyweds who just can’t catch a break. The regular cast is used sparingly but effectively in this episode. Fred Grandy gets a nice scene where he has to explain to John Rubinstein that Kathy Bates got on the wrong boat. Bernie Kopell plays Doc Bricker as being an agent of chaos. It’s a fun episode and what more can you ask for?

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.12 “The Old Man and the Runaway / The Painters / A Fine Romance”

Posted on November 23, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome aboard! We’re expecting you.

Episode 1.12 “The Old Man and the Runaway / The Painters / A Fine Romance”

(Directed by Stuart Margolin and James Sheldon, originally aired on December 24th, 1977)

Hey, this episode of The Love Boat aired on Christmas Eve! Oddly enough, unlike last week’s episode, it was not a holiday-themed episode. You really do have to wonder if there was some sort of scheduling snafu at ABC and perhaps the episodes were shown out-of-order. Then again, it could be that ABC realized that everyone would be busy getting ready for Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve so they decided to burn off a lesser episode while no one was watching.

(Doesn’t everyone spend Christmas Eve getting ready for Midnight Mass while their aunt tells them to dress more like the Virgin and less like the Magdalene? Or was that just my experience?)

Yes, this is a lesser episode of The Love Boat. It’s not a terrible episode but, at the same time, it’s not all the memorable. A big problem is that there’s not really much romance on this cruise. The show was called The Love Boat for a reason and, when there’s no love, it just doesn’t feel right.

For instance, one subplot dealt with two incompetent painters (played by Arte Johnson and Pat Morita) painting the captain’s office during the cruise. They kept screwing up the job, which led to Captain Stubing getting progressively more and more annoyed. From the start, I guessed that the punchline would be that the painters were screwing up on purpose so that they could stay on the boat and get a free cruise and …. yep, that’s exactly what it was. Johnson and Morita were a good comedy team but the story itself felt like filler.

Meanwhile, a grumpy old widower (Will Geer) discovered that he was sharing his cabin with a teenage runaway (Bayn Johnson), who had stowed away on the ship and who was planning on meeting up with her boyfriend in Mexico. Once he got over complaining about her being young and irresponsible, Geer convinced her to return to her parents. Again, it wasn’t terrible and Bayn Johnson did a good job of keeping her character from getting annoying but it felt a bit out of place on The Love Boat. Obviously, the 75 year-old man and the 16 year-old runaway weren’t going to fall in love and leave the ship arm-in-arm while the crew smiled knowingly. Instead, this was a typical generation gap story. The most interesting thing about this story is that this was the second time that a runaway managed to stowaway on the Love Boat. Does that boat not have a security team? Don’t you actually have to show your tickets to board the boat? How does these people keep sneaking aboard?

Finally, the third storyline felt a bit more like a Love Boat story. Cruise director Julie (Lauren Tewes) is super-excited when she sees that Sean McGlynn (Anson Williams) is a passenger on the cruise. Julie and Sean grew up together and Julie always had a crush on him. At first, Julie and Sean have fun hanging out but, whenever Julie tries to flirt, Sean panics and runs off. Julie worries that there’s something wrong with her (oh, Julie!) but …. nope, Sean’s a priest. Apparently, he was having a crisis of faith when he boarded the boat, which is why he didn’t tell anyone he was a priest. But, when his roommate (Tom Poston) has a heart attack, Sean delivers the last rites and his faith is restored. (Don’t worry. His roommate survives and has a surprisingly quick recovery. Doc Bricker is a miracle worker!) Anyway, Sean leaves the boat wearing his collar and Julie stays on the boat, no doubt waiting for someone else from her past to buy a ticket. It’s a bit of a shame, as Lauren Tewes and Anson Williams did make a cute couple. Then again, we all know that Julie and Gopher belong together.

Like I said, this was not a terrible episode. It just wasn’t particularly memorable. It needed just a bit more romance. After all, love is life’s sweetest reward.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.5 “Isaac the Groupie / Mr. Popularity / Help! Murder!”

Posted on October 5, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Just remember …. the Love Boat promises something for everyone.

Episode 1.5 “Isaac the Groupie / Mr. Popularity / Help! Murder!”

(Directed by Peter Baldwin, Tony Webster, and James Sheldon, originally aired on October 22nd, 1977)

This episode was all about mistaken identities.

Robert Tanner (Jim Nabors) is the most annoying man to ever set sail on the Love Boat. All he does is talk and talk about what he had for dinner. Unfortunately, he’s had the same liver and onions dinner for several years now so it’s not like he has much to say that would be considered to be new. Everyone on the ship avoids Mr. Tanner but Captain Stubing insists that Julie figure out a way to keep him happy. (No, not like that….) Fortunately, two passengers read an article about an international jewel thief named Roscoe Toler and they decide that Tanner must be Toler. (What?) Suddenly, everyone is hanging out with Mr. Tanner and listening to his stories. I’m not sure why being mistaken for a criminal would make everyone want to hang out with Tanner. I mean, aren’t they worried about their jewelry?

While that’s going on, Isaac is excited because his favorite singer, Roxy Blue (Diahann Carroll), is sailing on the boat. She’s using an assumed name. Not even the rest of the crew know that she’s onboard. But Isaac recognizes her as soon as she sits down at the bar and soon, the two of them are having a ship-board romance. Good for Isaac and, even more importantly, good for Ted Lange, who gives a really likable performance in this episode. Unfortunately, once the cruise ends, Roxy will go back to her life as the world’s most famous singer and Isaac will once again be the ship’s only bartender. This is one of those storylines that would be unthinkable today. Just try to imagine any celebrity managing to sneak on a boat (or anywhere) without the world knowing.

Finally, in our third and final storyline, Bert Fredricks (David Groh) wants to throw a surprise party for his wife, Denise (Michele Lee). Unfortunately, his wife spots him talking to Julie and decides that Bert is cheating on her. Then she overhears Gopher talking about “blowing up” something and she decides that Bert is going to kill her! (Gopher was actually talking about the photographs that Bert had asked him to secretly take of his wife.) Everything is eventually worked out but seriously, how bad was their marriage that Denise had absolutely no doubt that Bert was going to kill her so that he could run off with a cruise director that he had only known for a day?

Anyway, this was another one of those mixed episodes. The Isaac storyline was nice, largely because of the chemistry between Lange and Carroll. The other two storylines were both examples of the type of thing that drives me crazy, where everything could be resolved if people just talked to each other and used a little common sense. That said, Michele Lee had a few funny moments of panic. I’d like to have a surprise birthday party on a cruise ship. That’s the important thing.

Horror Scenes That I Love: Anthony Sends Dan To The Cornfield in The Twilight Zone

Posted on October 6, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“You’re a very bad man!”

Today’s horror scene that I love comes not from film but from television. In this episode of The Twilight Zone (entitled “It’s A Good Life”), the citizens of a rural community have to go out of their not to upset a rather unpredictable six year-old.

What happens when you upset little Anthony Fremont?

Take a look:

Written by Rod Serling and directed by James Sheldon, this episode originally aired on November 3, 1961.

Horror on TV: Twilight Zone 3.76 “Still Valley”

Posted on October 17, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In this episode of The Twilight Zone, a Confederate soldier (Gary Merrill) meets an old man (Vaughn Taylor) who claims that, through magic, he can help the Confederacy win the Civil War. However, as often happens when it comes to weird old men and magic, there’s a price that must be paid.

I like this episode, largely because I’m obsessed with three things: history, the Civil War, and magic. And this one has all three!

It originally aired on November 24th, 1961.