Last Night Retro Television Reviews: Nightmare Cafe 1.1 “Nightmare Cafe”

Posted on October 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Nightmare Cafe, which ran on NBC from January to April of 1992. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Created by Wes Craven and Thomas Baum, Nightmare Café was an anthology show about a mysterious café and the people who worked there. The proprietor was played by Robert Englund. The series only aired for six episodes and apparently, NBC didn’t really give the show much of a chance to find an audience. Myself, I just recently came across it on YouTube and I’m looking forward to reviewing it over the course of October!

Episode 1.1 “Nightmare Café”

(Dir by Phillip Noyce, originally aired on January 29th, 1992)

“See those two folks up there?” Robert Englund, playing a sharply-dressed man named Blackie, asks while staring straight at the camera. “They’re about to get a second chance. And you know what? I bet they blow it.”

The two people to whom Blackie is referring are Frank Nolan (Jack Coleman) and Fay Pernovic (Lindsay Frost). On a foggy night, Fay stops her car on the side of the bridge and jumps into the water below. Fortunately, Jack already happens to be in the water so he grabs her and pulls her to dry land. Standing on the deserted road and soaking wet, Fay refuses to say thank you and Frank refuses to mention why he was there to begin with. However, when they see an all-night café in the distance, they decide to get a cup of coffee. As they head to the café, Blackie watches them from the shadows. As they enter the café, the neon sign changes from saying “Night Café” to “Nightmare Café.”

The café appears to be deserted, though in working order. Jack goes behind the counter finds a chef’s outfit. Fay finds a waitress outfit. When she heads into the restroom to change clothes, she briefly hears the sound of a woman crying but, upon entering, she finds no one. Meanwhile, Jack notices that a TV screen at the front of the café has come to life and …. uh-oh! He’s suddenly watching what appears to be security footage of Fay removing her wet clothes. Jack does the right thing and turns the TV off but seriously, what’s happening with this place!?

In the restroom, Fay marvels at how well the waitress uniform fits, almost as if it was made for her. Suddenly, she hears more crying. She touches the bathroom mirror and she sees herself sobbing and pulling pills out of a medicine cabinet.

Fay steps back into the main part of the café. Frank confesses about watching her change on the television. Fay demands to know what color underwear she was wearing. “White …. with red hearts on back,” is Frank’s reply. (For the record, as I sit here typing this, I am wearing black underwear with red hearts on the back.) Fay accuses him of being a pervert and peeking in on her while she was changing. Frank turns on the TV in an attempt to prove that he’s not a perv but, instead of showing the restroom, the TV shows the chemical plant where, according to Frank, he works as a night watchman. He watches as two men steal a barrel of chemical waste and brag about how they’re going to dump it into the harbor. Frank says that his worst nightmare is seeing something that’s wrong and not doing anything to stop it. Fay pinches Frank in an attempt to wake him up. On the TV screen, Frank Nolan tries to stop the men from driving off with the chemical waste. Frank is fired and then knocked unconscious.

Realizing the Frank has vanished from the café, Fay runs over to a payphone and dials 9-1-1, just to be informed that the number cannot be reached. Fay opens the door to the café and discovers that she and the café are apparently floating in space!

Returning to the television, Fay sees that, at the chemical plant, Frank is still on the ground and his employer tells a bunch of thugs that he wants them to make Frank watch as they dump the waste into the harbor. However, once the thugs drive down to the harbor, Frank jumps out of the trunk of their car and into one of the trucks transporting the chemical waste. The thugs shoot at the truck until it explodes and then decide that it’s time to get a cup of coffee.

Realizing that the thugs might be coming, Fay decides she better pretend to be a real waitress. She grabs a cup of coffee and walks into the back where she discovers Frank rising out of a water-filled sink. “You know what?” Frank says, “I don’t think this is your run-of-the-mill all night café!”

Fay congratulates Frank on doing the right thing and standing up to the thugs. Suddenly, Fay starts to worry about what she saw in the restroom so she and Frank enter and, in the mirror, they see the two thugs approaching the cafe. Frank and Fay run into the kitchen. Frank opens a door marked exit and plunges back into the harbor. Fay closes the door and then opens it again and finds herself staring at a back alley. Deciding to face the thugs, she heads to the front of the café, where the two thugs demand to know where Frank is. She tells them that he’s in the ladies room. They rush into the restroom and suddenly find themselves on a police shooting range with a bunch of cops aiming their guns at them.

“This place has possibilities,” Fay says as the two thugs run from the café.

Suddenly, the TV turns on Fays sees herself in her bedroom, getting dressed for a date. Frank steps back into the café and watches the TV, barely noticing that Fay has vanished from the café. While he’s doing this, Blackie steps into the café and, breaking the fourth wall, says, “This ought to be interesting.”

On the television, Fay gets a call from a guy named Al (John D’Aquino) who explains that he’ll be delayed but he’ll see her later. Frank recognizes Al as being his boss at the chemical plant and then he realizes that Blackie also worked at the chemical plant and was one of the people who always told him not to waste his time reporting the toxic waste dumping. Blackie holds up a deck of cards and says that whoever pulls the low card will pay for their meal. Frank says that the only person that he’s betting on is Fay.

On the TV, Fay drives towards Al’s house. Suddenly, Frank is standing on the side of the road and hitchhiking. Fay gives him a ride and suddenly, the two thugs pop up and start shooting at them. Fay speeds off, with Frank in the car. Fay outmaneuvers the pursuing thugs, who end up crashing their car into the harbor.

Suddenly, Blackie is the only one sitting in the café. He watches Fay and Frank talk in the car. Frank tells Fay all about Al and Fay kicks Frank out of the car, not understanding how he could possibly know her name. Suddenly, Frank is back in the café. He and Blackie watch as Fay knocks on the door of Al’s penthouse. No one answers and Frank cheers as Fay starts to walk away. Suddenly, Blackie appears on the television and unlocks the door so Fay can enter the penthouse.

Fay gives Al a really ugly sweater for his birthday but is then shocked to discover that Al is at the penthouse with another woman (played by Carrie-Anne Moss in an early role), who promptly asks if Fay is the maid. As Fay heads for the penthouse’s bathroom, one of the thugs shows up and announces that he previous saw Fay at the café. Meanwhile, Fay searches the medicine cabinet for pills before heading back to her car

Seeing Fay driving towards the harbor on the television, Frank runs out of the café to save Fay again. But this time, instead of jumping into the harbor, Fay looks at the water and then says that it would be foolish to kill herself over a loser like Al. Suddenly, Al drives up and Fay and Frank have to jump into the water to avoid getting hit. However, once they hit the water, Frank realizes that they’re already dead.

Upon figuring this out, Frank and Fay are transported back to the café where Blackie tells them that they’re dead in the real world but they’re alive in the café and now, they get to make a difference in other people’s lives. Blackie opens the door, to show Frank and Fay that they are once again floating in space and that the Earth in the distance. Blackie tells them that they’ve been selected by “a higher authority” to help the people who enter the café and “maybe learn a little about yourselves along the way.” But they’re both dead so what’s left to learn?

Suddenly, Al enters the café. Blackie tells Al that Frank and Fay are in the restroom. Al steps into the restroom and suddenly has a vision of Fay testifying against him in court. Terrified, Al runs from the café but, upon opening the door, he plunges through space and lands in a vat of chemical waste.

A woman (played by Joan Chen of Twin Peaks fame) opens the front door. “Hi,” she asks, “Are you open?”

Nightmare Café only ran for 6 episodes and anthology shows are notorious for being uneven. All that considered, I really enjoyed the pilot for Nightmare Café, with its twisty plot, frequently surreal visuals, and — last but not least — Robert Englund having what appears to be a lot of fun as the show’s host. The pilot was directed by Philip Noyce, who keeps the action moving a great pace. Even more importantly, from their first scene together, Lindsay Frost and Jack Coleman have a lot chemistry. I’m looking forward to watching the remaining episodes and seeing where all of this goes!

Horror on TV: The Hitchhiker 4.2 “Minuteman” (dir by Chris Thomson)

Posted on October 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For tonight’s episode of The Hitchhiker, our narrator (played by Page Fletcher) takes a look at Jeremy (John Shea) and Julie (Alexandra Paul).

Jeremy and Julie are a couple who are taking a road trip and whose relationship is strained due to Jeremy’s obsession with organization and control. However, when Jeremy and Julie meet two people that Jeremy can’t control — a biker (Dean Hallo) and his pregnant girlfriend (Nancy Isaak) — Jeremy finds himself taking a trip through time and learning a lesson about letting go.

This episode features good performances from John Shea, Alexandra Paul, Dean Hallo, and Nancy Isaak and it also features the Hitchhiker offering up some memorably judgmental commentary. The Hitchhiker is apparently not a fan of control freaks. I’m not really a fan of control freaks either but there’s nothing wrong with having a to-do list to help guide you through your day.

This episode originally aired on February 24th, 1987.

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.4 “Cool Runnin'”

Posted on October 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs gain an informant!

Episode 1.4 “Cool Runnin'”

(Dir by Lee H. Katzin, originally aired on October 5th, 1984)

One of the main themes of Miami Vice was that, no matter how many drug lords that Crockett and Tubbs got off the streets, there was always someone in the wings waiting to replace them. The drug trade was (and is) big business and there was always someone willing to step into the vacuum that was left by the downfall of any of the major players. For all of their efforts, Crockett and Tubbs were essentially fighting a war on drugs that could not be won.

Cool Runnin’ features an early example of this. With Calderone having fled Miami for Colombia, he’s been replaced by Desmond Maxwell (Afemo Omilami), a Jamaican who is willing to murder just about anyone who gets in his way. When he’s first seen, he and the members of his gang are gunning down a group of rival drug dealers in a mall parking lot. Later, Desmond kills one undercover cop and seriously wounds another.

Another major theme in Miami Vice is that Crockett (and, to a lesser extent, Tubbs) are willing to put others at risk to take down their targets. The majority of this episode deals with Nugart Neville ‘Noogie’ Lamont (Charlie Barnett), a talkative thief and speed freak who is recruited, somewhat against his will, to be an informant. When Crockett and Tubbs discover that Noogie served time with Desmond, they use Noogie to set up a meeting with Desmond. When Crockett tells Desmond that he wants to buy from him and that he’ll be waiting for him at Noogie’s apartment, Tubbs points out that Crockett is putting Noogie’s life in danger without even bothering to tell Noogie beforehand.

(Crockett, it should be noted, isn’t thinking straight for most of this episode because his wife has filed for divorce and wants to take his son to Georgia.)

At first, it appears that Noogie is going to get a reprieve when a calls comes in that the man who killed the undercover cops has been arrested. It doesn’t take long for Crockett (and the audience) to figure out that the man who has been arrested is not Jamaican (instead, he’s Haitian) and that he’s been beaten by the racist cop who arrested him.

Instead, the killers are now at Noogie’s apartment, where they are waiting for Crockett and Tubbs to show up so that they can kill both the cops and their informant. It all leads to final shoot-out, one that is shown almost entirely in slow motion and which is surprisingly effective.

This was a good episode about the human cost of getting involved as law enforcement, whether as a cop or a criminal. While Desmond Maxwell was not a particularly nuanced character, he was appropriately intimidating and the audience never had any doubt that he would coldly kill anyone who he viewed as being a threat. (One of the more haunting moments of the episode features the Vice Squad listening to the tape of shooting in which Desmond gunned down two detectives.)

The episode was largely dominated by Charlie Barnett’s performance as Noogie. Barnett was a stand-up comedian who first came to prominence performing in Central Park. He was nearly cast on Saturday Night Live until it was discovered that he struggled with reading. Barnett was replaced, at the last minute, by another New York comedian, Eddie Murphy. As Noogie. Barnett never stops moving, talking, and performing. It’s actually exhausting just watching him. But, as the episode proceeds, Barnett starts to calm down and, by the end of it, the audience is actually happy that he wasn’t killed in the shoot-out.

Unfortunately, next week, a major character will be killed in a shootout. Who? Find out next Monday!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Degrassi Junior High 1.1 “Kiss Me, Steph” and 1.2 “The Big Dance”

Posted on October 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989! The series can be streamed on YouTube!

As much as I love Degrassi, I have to admit that I’ve never really sat down and watched the two shows that launched the entire franchise, Degrassi Junior High and Degrassi High. I figured why not give it a shot now?

Episode 1.1 “Kiss Me, Steph”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on January 18th, 1987)

Welcome to Toronto! It’s time for a new school year at Degrassi Junior High!

As I watched the first episode of Degrassi Junior High, the first thing I noticed was just how grainy and depressing everything looked. As opposed to the bright lighting and vibrant colors of Degrassi: The Next Generation, the world of Degrassi Junior High looked overcast and not always inviting. The school itself looked old, as if it had been a while since anyone bothered to paint the walls or even sweep the floors. In short, visually, Degrassi Junior High looked pretty much like a real middle school. The overcast imagery neatly mirrored the way that most people feel when they’re starting the first day of school, especially if it’s a new school.

It’s the first day of school for Arthur Kobalewscuy (Duncan Waugh) and, being short and way too trusting for his own, it doesn’t take long before the school prankster, Joey Jeremiah (Pat Mastroianni), tricks him into getting locked into the janitor’s closet. Poor Arthur but, far more importantly …. JOEY! As any true fan of Degrassi knows, Joey would go on to become one of the most important parts the franchise, both in the original series and a good deal of The Next Generation as well. In the first episode, he’s far a cry from the likable Joey that we all know. Instead, he’s just an obnoxious kid who wears a fedora to school.

Arthur is the younger brother of Stephanie Kaye (Nicole Stoffman), who is the most popular girl in the school. One would think that this would be a good thing for Arthur but Stephanie begins the school day by ordering Arthur not to talk to her because she’s in “grade 8” and he’s only in “grade 7.” Stephanie and Arthur’s parents are divorced, with Stephanie living with her mother and Arthur living with her father. Stephanie is determined to have a new image for Grade 8 and, as soon as she steps into the school, she heads to the bathroom and takes off her boring white blouse and blue skirt to reveal the crop top and tight jeans that she’s wearing underneath. Her best friend, the somewhat dour Voula (Niki Kemey), watches in horror as Stephanie puts on makeup. (I usually waited until I arrived at school to do my makeup as well.)

When Stephanie hears an announcement that student council elections are coming up, she decides to run for President. Voula is happy to serve as Stephanie’s campaign manager until Stephanie starts exchanging kisses for votes. Voula is scandalized that Stephanie isn’t talking about the issues and is running with the slogan, “All The Way With Stephanie Kaye.” Voula warns Stephanie that none of the girls are going to vote for her but Stephanie explains that she only needs the votes of the boys. Of course, the main reason why Voula is upset is because Stephanie is giving all the credit for her successful campaign to Joey instead of her.

(Interestingly enough, one of the first episodes of Degrassi: The Next Generation also featured a student council election and a sister trying to ignore her dorky younger brother.)

While Stephanie is winning over the boys, Arthur finally manages to get a new friend named Yick Yu (Siluck Saysanasy). Yay, everyone needs a friend!

Stephanie wins the election. The announcement is made while Stephanie is in home room where her teacher is none other than Mr. Raditch (Dan Woods), who would later be the first of many principals on Degrassi: The Next Generation. Joey jumps up and hugs Stephanie as the announcement is made. “Mr. Jeremiah!” Mr. Raditch snaps, “Not in my class! Save that behavior for the polls!”

(Fortunately, Mr. Raditch would warm up to Joey by the time that Joey’s stepson was enrolled in the school. But that’s not going to happen for a while….)

Having won the election, Stephanie discovers that she’s actually expected to do a lot of stuff, like give a speech to the PTA. Stephanie begs Voula to write the speech for her but Voula tells Stephanie that she doesn’t want to be her friend anymore. “You’re on your own, Ms. President! You and your new image!”

Oh well. With great power comes great responsibility and all that stuff. Personally, I think Stephanie should just blow off the speech. And really, Voula is being a bit too self-righteous here. I mean, it’s student council. It means nothing! The episode ends with Stephanie swearing that she’s going to be the best president that the school has ever had but it shouldn’t be that difficult since it’s not like the president makes school policy or anything. As Stephanie, once again dressed modestly, leaves the school, she finally acknowledges Arthur as her brother and Arthur offers to write the speech for her.

This was not a bad way to start the franchise and I enjoyed spotting future Degrassi stars like Wheels, Snake, and Spike wandering around the school. This episode did a good job of capturing the silliness of student council elections and also the way every day of high school and middle school can feel like the biggest drama ever. Arthur and Yick are likable in their nerdy way. I related Stephanie. Voula kind of needs to get over herself but we all had a friend like that in school, didn’t we?

Episode 1.2 “The Big Dance”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on January 25th, 1987)

It’s time for the fall dance!

Voula, who is still unreasonably angry with Stephanie, suggests that they use the dance as a way to raise money for the foster child that the school is sponsoring. Everyone thinks this is a great idea and they think Voula should give a speech while handing over the money at the end of the dance. Unfortunately, Voula’s superprotective father (Paul Brock) refuses to allow Voula to stay out past 9:30. He also freaks out when he sees that Voula is wearing lipstick and suddenly, it makes more sense why she’s so jealous of Stephanie.

As for Stephanie, she asks Wheels (Neil Hope) to take her to dance and — OH MY GOD, IT’S WHEELS! Now, as anyone who knows anything about Degrassi can tell you, Wheels eventually became one of the most important characters on the show. As soon as I saw Joey talking to him, I immediately started to think about the fact that this is the same Wheels who is going eventually lose his parents to a drunk driver, get molested while hitchhiking, develop a drinking problem, and end up going to prison shortly after graduating high school. In this episode, though, he’s just a pleasant-natured friend of Joey’s.

Voula lies to her father about spending the night with a study group and instead, heads to the dance. Meanwhile, Stephanie goes to the house of her friend Lucy Fernandez (Anais Granofsky) so she can change into her school dance clothes. (Fans of Degrassi know that Lucy is destined to end up getting temporarily blinded and crippled as a result of Wheels driving drunk.) Along with the two creepy twins, Heather and Erica (Maureen and Angela Deiseach), Stephanie ends up having way too much to drink at Lucy’s.

The end result is that Stephanie shows up drunk at the school dance and ends up embarrassing herself in front of Wheels while Voula is caught breaking curfew by her father. In typical Degrassi fashion, no one gets a happy ending!

I kind of groaned a little when I saw that this was going to be a Voula episode but actually, the episode did a good job of showing why Voula got so angry at Stephanie. As well, in what would be a Degrassi hallmark, the episode handled the theme of underage drinking with sensitivity as opposed to judgmental melodrama. Yes, Stephanie has too much to drink and ruined her date but the episode understood that, rather than being the end of the world, this is just a part of growing up. On Degrassi Junior High, teenagers were allowed to make mistakes.

Finally, during the dance, I spotted Joey dancing with Caitlin (Stacie Mistysyn), who is of course destined to become the great love of Joey’s life. It was a nice case of (probably inadvertent) foreshadowing.

Next week: Yick thinks Mr. Raditch is a racist!

Horror on TV: The Hitchhiker 4.1 “Perfect Order” (dir by Daniel Vigne)

Posted on October 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

During the month of October, we like to share classic episodes of horror-themed television. That was easier to do when we first started doing our annual October Horrorthon here at the Shattered Lens because every single episode of the original, black-and-white Twilight Zone was available on YouTube. Sadly, that’s no longer the case.

However, there is some good news! Twilight Zone may be gone but there are other horror shows on YouTube! For instance, I’ve discovered that there are several episodes of The Hitchhiker on YouTube! The Hitchhiker was an American/French/Canadian co-production that aired on HBO from 1983 to 1987 and on the USA Network from 1989 to 1991. It was an anthology show, one in which each story was introduced by a mysterious hitchhiker (played by Page Fletcher).

Let’s get things started with Perfect Order, an episode featuring Virginia Madsen as a model who works with a famous but eccentric photographer named Simon (Steve Inwood). It turn out that Simon’s eccentricity includes an obsession with death. Along with featuring good performances from Madsen and the underrated Inwood, this episode both satirizes the world of New York fashion and it features a climax that is full of laser beams. What more could one want for the beginning of October?

This episode originally aired on February 17th, 1987.

Retro Television Reviews: Dragnet 1966 (dir by Jack Webb)

Posted on October 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1969’s Dragnet 1966! It can be viewed on YouTube!

“This is the city….”

So begins Dragnet, a television movie version of the classic cop show that was the Law & Order of it’s day. Dragnet began as a radio program in 1949 before making it’s way over to television in 1951. Each episode starred (and the majority were directed by) Jack Webb, who played a no-nonsense cop named Joe Friday. Friday narrated every episode, dropping trivia about the history of Los Angeles while also showing viewers how the cops went about catching criminals. Despite what is commonly believed, Joe Friday never said, “Just the facts, ma’m,” but he did investigate each case with the cool determination of a professional who kept his emotions under control. The majority of Dragnet’s episodes were based on actual cases that were worked by the LAPD, hence the opening declaration of, “The story you are about to see is true.”

On television, Dragnet originally ran from 1951 to 1959, during which time Dragnet also became the first television series to be adapted into a feature film. Jack Webb decided to relaunch Dragnet in 1966 and he produced a made-for-television movie that followed Friday and his latest partner, the far more talkative Bill Gannon (Harry Morgan), as they worked multiple cases over the course of one long weekend. The pilot movie did lead to a new show, one that lasted from 1967 to 1970 and which is today fondly remembered for scenes of Friday and Gannon debating the merits of the legal system with hippies. However, for whatever reason, the 1966 pilot movie was not actually aired until 1969.

The made-for-TV movie features Friday and Gannon searching not for LSD dealers and draft dodgers but instead for a crazed photographer (Vic Perrin) who hires women to pose for him and then ties them up and takes their picture right before her murders them. The photographer is based on real-life serial killer Harvey Glatman and Perrin is perfectly creepy in the role. Though Friday never loses his composure, his disgust at the photographer and his crimes is palpable and it adds an extra charge to the scene where, in the middle of a drenching rain storm, Friday tries to sneak up on the trailer where he believes the photographer is holding his latest victim. It’s actually a pretty exciting scene and definitely one that will take by surprise anyone who thinks of the 60s Dragnet as just being a campy exercise in establishment resentment.

Of course, catching a serial killer is not all that Friday and Gannon deal with. It’s a long weekend so Friday and Gannon end up investigating the murder of a French tourist and Friday helps a younger, black detective deal with a racist criminal. (The scene where Friday stands up to the racist was obviously meant to answer those who claimed the LAPD was a racist organization.) At the start of the film, Joe almost gets collared into working security for a visiting Russian diplomat and the Russian’s paranoid security team is contrasted to the level-headed and capable men of the LAPD. Some of these scenes are better than others. The French tourist subplot features some truly risible acting and the scene with the racist is well-intentioned but still feels a bit condescending in its portrayal of the black detective needing Friday to help him deal with the suspect. That said, I did enjoy listening to Bill Gannon talking about his plans for retirement and how working for the LAPD was destroying his teeth. Harry Morgan’s folksy humor was always the perfect counterpart to Jack Webb’s perpetually rational Friday.

Finally, I appreciated that the movie featured a scene with Friday and Gannon went undercover at a lonely hearts club. If you’ve watched the 1960s version of Dragnet, you know that, for all the times that Friday and Gannon went undercover, they never really put much effort into it. I mean, they didn’t ever bother to take off their jackets!

Though I was disappointed by the lack of hippies, Dragnet 1966 was still not only a good police procedural but also a fun time capsule of its era.

8 Things To Which I Am Looking Forward In October

Posted on October 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to October! October is a big month here at the Shattered Lens. It’s the month when we devote the majority of our time to the horror genre. It’s time for our annual Horrorthon! Last year, we had a record number of Horrorthon posts. I’m hoping that we break that record this year but, even if we don’t, it should still be a lot of fun!

Here’s what I’m looking forward to in October!

Killers of the Flower Moon — So, technically, it’s not a horror film, though it does deal with a horrific incident in American history. That said, Martin Scorsese’s latest is the film that I have most anticipated getting to watch this year. I know that I’m not alone in that. We’ve all read the rapturous reviews. We’ve seen the enigmatic trailers. This month, on October 20th, we’ll finally get a chance to see it for ourselves!
The Killer — One week after we get a new Scorsese film, we’ll be getting a new film from David Fincher! Again, it may not be a horror film but it is a movie from one of our best filmmakers.
The Holdovers — If you can’t get into David Fincher’s latest film, you can check out the latest from Alexander Payne, The Holdovers! Along with Killers Of The Flower Moon, Barbie, and Oppenheimer, The Holdovers is expected to be an Oscar contender come awards season.
Pain Hustlers — And if you can’t get into The Killer or The Holdovers, you can check out Pain Hustlers. 2023 is the year of Emily Blunt!
The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial Trial — The final film from the great William Friedkin is scheduled to be released on Paramount Plus and Showtime on October 6th.
Horror Movies, Horror Movies, and more Horror Movies! — If you can’t enjoy watching horror movies, classic and otherwise, in October, when can you enjoy watching them?
The Fall Of The House of Usher — Mike Flanagan’s upcoming Netflix miniseries promises an update to Edgar Allan Poe’s classic tale of gothic horror!
Halloween — It’s my favorite holiday! I can’t wait to see all the decorations, all the parties, and all the costumes!

October’s going to be a great month and those of us at TSL can’t wait to celebrate it with you! What are you looking forward to in October?

CONGRATS TO THE RANGERS!

Posted on September 30, 2023 by Dazzling Erin

For the first time since 2016, my Texas Rangers are headed to the MLB play-offs!

I got a little nervous, a few months ago, when it seemed like the Rangers had lost all of their momentum and when I saw that they had fallen behind both the Astros and the Mariners in the standings, I started to prepare myself for another disappointment. I started to feel like it would be another post-season of me having to cheer for the Astros by default. But the Rangers fought back and finally, after seven years, the Rangers have clinched a play-off berth!

CONGRATS TO THE RANGERS! Now, win that final game against the Mariners, win the AL West, and keep fighting until the World Series!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 9/24/23 — 9/30/23

Posted on September 30, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Bleh! I have been sick this entire week! (And I don’t mean “sick” as in I had allergies or a headache. I mean I was seriously ill, with fevers and fatigue and everything else.) I haven’t even gotten to watch the Survivor and The Amazing Race premieres yet! Here’s a few thoughts on what I have watched:

All You Need Is Love (NightFlight Plus)

I watched an episode of this old music documentary series on Saturday morning. It dealt with ragtime music and the tragic life of Scott Joplin. It was interesting stuff. Joplin was a fascinating character and it’s a shame that his final years were not happier ones.

Big Brother (24/7, Paramount Plus and CBS)

I wrote about Big Brother here!

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

Bleh. I swore to myself that I would never watch this show again but I hate to admit but it does work well as background noise and watching it on YouTube does help me get my thoughts together. I do make a point of only watching YouTube videos that were not uploaded by the show’s official account. But basically, I’m a hypocrite.

Anyway, on Sunday, I watched (or, to be honest, listened) to an episode about a daughter that worried her mother was suffering from paranoid delusions that led her to believe that she was being stalked by a “hook-up” app.

On Monday, I watched an episode featuring an annoying guy named Anthony who claimed to be a millionaire rap star, despite the fact that he was homeless. Anthony was obnoxious and rude to both the audience and Dr. Phil. It’s always fun when someone tells Dr. Phil to go to Hell.

Gun (Tubi)

I watched the first episode of this Robert Altman-produced 90s anthology series on Thursday. Look for my review this upcoming week!

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

Hell’s Kitchen, one of the few classic reality shows to still retain its bite, is back! The Quidditch player is definitely going to be a liability for the Blue Team but he’s so weird that I have a feeling that the show will find excuses to keep him around for at least a few weeks.

The Hitchhiker (YouTube)

I watched episodes of this anthology series throughout the week while preparing for Horrothon.

The Montel Williams Show (YouTube)

On Monday, I came across an episode of this show on YouTube. Montel tried to understand goth kids and was shocked to discover that being rude and condescending is never a good way to win over a teenager. It was good for a smile.

Night Flight (NightFlight Plus)

The episode that I watched on Friday night was all about animation in music videos. The videos were pretty trippy.

Police Woman (Monday Morning, GetTV)

Police woman Angie Dickinson went undercover as a flight attendant to catch a smuggler played by Larry Hagman. It was all very 70s.

Red Dwarf (Monday Morning, PBS)

I watched an episode of this British sci-fi satire on Monday morning. A robot was briefly transformed into a human being and struggled to adjust. The episode ended with the robot-turned-human once again being transformed and turning into a miniature version of Robocop. It was amusing, though I get the feeling I would have gotten a lot more out of the show if I was a regular viewer. As is, this was only my second time to watch an episode of Red Dwarf and I spent a lot of time trying to catch up with who everyone was and why they were in space.

Saved By The Bell (Sunday Morning, Me TV)

On Sunday morning, as I got ready for me day, I watched the episode where Lisa overspent on her credit card and was shocked when her father refused to punish her for being irresponsible. Seriously, if you can avoid getting punished for being stupid, don’t question it. Just go with the flow.

Yes, Prime Minister (Monday Morning, PBS)

This week’s episode featured one of the rare occurrences in which Prime Minister Hacker got the better of Sir Humphrey and I have to admit that, as much as I enjoy watched both this show and Yes, Minister, it just didn’t feel right. I know that the point of the episode was that Hacker is finally learning how to use the self-importance of the civil service against itself (i.e., by threatening to take away Sir Humphrey’s key to Number 10) but I like Hacker more when he acts like a well-meaning incompetent than a Machiavellian game player. By the end of last night’s episode, Sir Humphrey would probably agree.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back Kotter 2.11 “Sweathog Clinic for the Cure of Smoking” and 2.12 “Hark, The Sweatking”

Posted on September 30, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Epstein smokes and the Sweathogs learn the true meaning of Christmas!

Episode 2.11 “Sweathog Clinic for the Cure of Smoking”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on December 16th, 1976)

Gabe tells Julie a joke about his uncle, a doctor who used to trick his patients into sticking their tongue out and staring out his office window as a way to anger the people on the other side of the street.

At school, Horshack is stunned to see Epstein lighting up a cigarette in the boys room. (Epstein hides his cigarettes in the paper towel dispenser.) Horshack says that he is shocked and he points out that smoking is against the school rules. (Since when do Sweathogs care about the school rules?) Epstein responds by blowing smoke in Horshack’s face. Then, Gabe and Woodman step into the restroom and Epstein desperately flushes his cigarette but not before everyone sees him exhaling a cloud of smoke.

Woodman takes Epstein to the office of the perpetually unseen Principal Lazarus. Woodman tells Gabe that he can’t wait to see how Epstein gets punished but it turns out that Epstein is the only person at the school who Lazarus likes. Disillusioned at the lack of punishment for Epstein, Woodman announces that he’s moving to Scarsdale and goes into his office. Epstein, meanwhile, promises both Gabe and Barbarino (who just happens to be in the front office for some reason) that he’ll quit smoking.

However, the next day, Gabe again catches Epstein in the boys room, smoking. Epstein confesses that he can’t quit smoking. Gabe tells a story about how, when he was 12, he was addicted to potato knishes. Gabe explains that his knish habit led him to moving onto harder junk food, like Twinkies. In order to break his habit, Gabe says he went cold turkey.

“Cold turkey!?” Epstein says.

“That’s right. For five days, I ate nothing but cold turkey!”

Gabe says that he and the Sweathogs will help Epstein break his smoking habit through aversion therapy.

“Oh yeah,” Barbarino nods, “Perversion therapy. We’ll torture Juan until he quits smoking.”

The next day, Gabe, Epstein, Woodman, and the Sweathogs gather in Gabe’s classroom to make Epstein “unlearn” smoking. After talking about his own struggle to quit smoking, Woodman leaves the classroom. It’s probably for the best because one can imagine how Woodman would have reacted to Juan smoking a cigarette while Barbarino and Freddie walked in place on a red carpet in an attempt to generate enough static electricity to shock Epstein every time that he took a puff.

When shock therapy proves ineffective (for some reason, Gabe is the one who keeps getting shocked), Horshack comes into the classroom, dressed like a doctor. While twirling his stethoscope, Horshack asks Epstein about his sex life because “I thought it would be fun to hear about.” Gabe suggests that Horshack not ask anyone about their sex life until “you get one yourself.” Freddie then says, “Hi, there,” and pretends to be someone who has been smoking for four years and can now only say a few words without coughing. Gabe then forces Epstein to smell a cup full of soggy cigarettes. They then force Epstein to smoke three cigarettes at once.

“Doesn’t taste so good, does it, Mr. Puff!?” Gabe shouts.

Epstein gives up cigarettes but, seven days later, he shows up at school with a pipe. Gabe says that he’s disappointed in Epstein but then Epstein points out that Gabe is eating a knish. Gabe agrees to give up knishes if Epstein gives up smoking. Epstein agrees and he and Gabe dramatically toss all of the tobacco and knishes into the trash. It turns out that Gabe had a knish hidden in every corner of the classroom.

Back at the apartment, a knish-free Gabe tells Julie about his uncle, who was a famous frontiersman.

This episode worked because it centered not on a guest star or a gimmick but instead on the Sweathogs acting like their usual goofy selves. The second season has, so far, been a bit more uneven than the first but the chemistry between Robert Hegyes, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, Ron Pallilo, and John Travolta continues to be, along with John Sylvester White’s delightfully unhinged turn as Woodman, the show’s greatest strength.

Episode 2.12 “Hark, The Sweatking”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on December 23rd, 1976)

Gabe tells Julie about his uncle, who got drunk at the zoo. “They don’t sell liquor at the zoo,” Julie replies.

It’s Christmas in Brooklyn! Horshack is hoping that he’ll finally get a Marie Osmond doll from Santa. The other Sweathogs are more interested in Angie (Michael V. Gazzo, who played Frankie Pentangelli in The Godfather Part II), the homeless man who is hanging out in the school’s courtyard and who claims that he was once a corporate executive. Gabe reveals that Angie has been coming by the school ever since Gabe was a student at Buchanan himself. After Gabe hears the Sweathogs making fun of Angie, he decides to invite Angie to come speak to the class.

“What’s he going to teach us?” Epstein asks, “Advanced vagrancy?”

Before Angie can start his speech, Woodman steps in the room and refers to Angie as being “our Christmas hobo.” Gabe says that Woodman probably goes around from house-to-house on Christmas Eve and tells all the kids that there’s no Santa Claus.

“Someone has to do it,” Woodman says and, as always, John Sylvester White totally nails the line. One of the underrated joys of this show is watching Woodman go progressively more and more insane.

Angie finally tells his story, explaining that he was a butcher with a wife and a family but he gambled away all of his money. One night, coming home broke, Angie discovered that his wife and his kids had left. Wiping away the tears, Angie leaves the classroom.

Feeling guilty, the Sweathogs want to do something for Angie. Freddie suggests putting Angie on their “shop-lifting lists.” Horshack makes a slightly more legal suggestion, saying that they should pool the money that they were going to use to buy each other gifts and instead, do something for Angie.

What do they do for Angie? Barbarino gets him some fresh clothes. Freddie gives him a haircut while Epstein shaves his beard and mustache. And Gabe invites Angie to come to the Christmas party that Julie and he are throwing at the apartment.

The action cuts to the apartment, where Julie is complaining about having to spend Christmas Eve with Gabe’s students. Julie then gives Gabe the Hanukkah bush that she bought for the holidays while Gabe explains that he has nothing for Julie because he spent all of his money on Angie. Epstein, Freddie, Horshack, and Barbarino show up, complaining that they haven’t seen Angie since helping him out. On cue, Angie shows up at the apartment, once again dressed like he was when the Sweathogs first saw him in the courtyard. Angie thanks the Sweathogs for everything but says that, for now, he’s comfortable living on the streets. Angie leaves and the Sweathogs are angry that they spent all of their money on someone who doesn’t appreciate it. Gabe tells them that the important thing is that they tried to help another human being. And then he reveals that he has presents for all of the Sweathogs. Yay! Merry Christmas!

After everyone leaves and Julie has fallen asleep on the couch, Gabe spots Santa Claus sitting in the kitchen and tells him about his cousin Eileen, who was so skinny that she had to wear snow shoes in the shower.

“Ho ho ho!” Santa replies.

This was a sweet episode, featuring good performances from not just the regulars but also from Michael V. Gazzo. Gabe telling a joke to Santa was adorable and the perfect way to end the episode. I love Christmas shows!