Really? We’ve got a second Nicolas Cage western coming out this year?
Actually, Butcher’s Crossing has been on the festival circuit since last year and, critically, it’s been slightly better received than The Old Way. Based on a 1960 novel, it features Cage as a buffalo hunter who becomes a mentor of sorts to a young Harvard grad who has decided to experience the old west for himself. None other than Cormac McCarthy cited the novel as being a favorite of his. This could be an intriguing role for Cage.
First released in 1977, Double Nickels tells the story of two California highway patrolman. Smokey (Jack Vacek) and Ed (Ed Abrams) have been tasked with enforcing the speed limit but they’re usually too busy chasing each other up and down the highway to worry about doing their job and, in fact, they even have a friendly relationship with the local street racers.
Now, you may think Smokey and Ed are just wasting the tax payer’s money by taking such a casual attitude towards their work and technically, you’re right. But let’s be honest. Nobody likes the speed limit. There’s a reason why it’s usually the rural speed limit signs that end up getting used for target practice. Smokey and Ed are a part of the system for the paycheck but, deep down, they hate the system just as much as the rest of us do. They’re fighting the Man by taking his money and refusing to enforce his rules.
Anyway, one day, Smokey and Ed pull over George (George Cole). George explains that he’s got a pretty good thing going as a repo man. He and his associates drive up and down the California highways, repossessing cars for non-payment. George says that he could always use some help and Smokey and Ed decided to take him up on the offer. The only problem is that, as employees of the Highway Patrol, they’re not allowed to moonlight. So, when they repossess a car, they have to do it without getting caught by either the local police or the car’s former owners.
Double Nickels establishes its pattern early on. Smokey and Ed stake out a house and see the car that they’re repossessing. They repossess the car. They end up getting chased around by either the cops or the car’s owner or both. Smokey and Ed trade a few lame quips and then flirt with their waitress girlfriends. Eventually, George realizes that the people who have hired him are actually car thieves and Smokey and Ed have to break up the car theft ring but, regardless of any individual complications, the pattern pretty much remains the same throughout the film, with mild comedic moments followed by an elaborate car chase.
As long as the film focuses on the cars, it’s fine. The cars are the true star of the film. Jack Vacek and several other members of the cast and crew were previously involved with the production of the original Gone In 60 Seconds. Double Nickels never comes anywhere close to being as entertaining as Gone In 60Seconds but the car chases are still exciting enough to hold the viewer’s attention. Where Double Nickels struggles is whenever the focus shifts to the guys driving the car, as neither Jack Vacek nor Ed Arbams were particularly charismatic actors and neither really had the comedic timing necessary to pull off the film’s humor.
Despite its flaws, Double Nickels does have something of a following. Its popularity actually makes sense. Because the film’s plot is so simple, you can literally start watching the film at any point and automatically know exactly what’s going on. The makers of Double Nickels understood that, above all else, audiences love to watch fast cars do their thing.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, we learn who Tubbs really is and one scene changes television forever.
Episode 1.2 “Brother Keeper: Part Two”
(Directed by Thomas Carter, originally aired on September 16th, 1984)
The pilot for Miami Vice originally aired as a two-hour made-for-TV movie but, when it was released in syndication, it was split into two separate episodes. That’s the way it’s usually aired on the retro stations and that’s also the way that it’s featured on Tubi. And, as you can tell, that’s the way that I’ve decided to review it for this site.
Picking up where the first half ended, Brother’s Keeper: Part Two finds Sonny and Tubbs searching through the deceased Leon’s apartment. Calderone’s men obviously visited the place and ransacked it before Sonny and Tubbs arrived but Sonny still manages to find Leon’s collection of important phone numbers. Tubbs is surprised to discover that Leon lived in a very nice apartment but that’s the way things work in Miami. Cocaine means big money and any one willing to take the risk can live like a king. While the cops and the regular people go home to small apartments and houses that they can barely afford, the successful criminal lives a life of relative luxury. The question is less why so many people are dealing drugs as why so many people aren’t.
While searching the apartment, Tubbs suddenly realizes that Sonny Crockett used to be a football star with the University of Florida. (“You were a funky honky!” Tubbs exclaims.) Apparently, Sonny was one of the best but a series of injuries ended his NFL dreams and, instead of going pro, Sonny did two tours of duty in Vietnam. (The South Asian conference, Sonny calls it.) Myself, I’m wondering how a semi-famous former football player can also be an undercover detective, working under a false name. Wouldn’t he always be worried that a drug dealer would recognize him from the college days and figure out that Sonny Burnett was actually Sonny Crockett?
Sonny’s co-worker and girlfriend, Gina (Saundra Santiago), takes a break from working the undercover prostitution detail and lets Sonny know that she did a background check on Raphael Tubbs and he’s dead! Raphael was a New York cop who was killed in shootout weeks before the other Tubbs landed in Miami. When Sonny confronts him about this, Tubbs admits that he’s actually Ricardo, Raphael’s younger brother. Raphael was a decorated Brooklyn detective. Rico Tubbs, on the other hand, was a Bronx beat cop who forged a lot of documents in order to come down to Florida and convince Vice to allow him to work the Calderone case. Sonny isn’t happy about being lied to but he has a lot more to worry about because, the night before, he apparently rolled over to Gina and whispered his ex-wife’s name in her ear! Needless to say, things are a bit awkward between just about everyone.
Actually, awkward doesn’t even begin to describe what happens when Tubbs suggests that Lt. Rodriguez could be Calderone’s mole. Sonny refuses to consider it until he overhears Rodriguez talking about enrolling his son in a pricey private school. Fortunately, Rodriguez is innocent and the real mole’s number is found in Leon’s apartment. Unfortunately, that number belongs to Sonny’s former partner, Scott Wheeler (Bill Smitrovich)!
After getting Wheeler to confess and turning him over to Rodriguez, Sonny and Tubbs drive down the dark streets of Miami at night, heading towards a rendezvous with Calderone. They don’t say much. Tubbs loads his shotgun. Sonny stops and makes a call to his ex-wife, something that his former partner Eddie didn’t get to do before he was killed. The neon of Miami glows menacingly in the darkness. Meanwhile, in the background, Phil Collins sings In the Air Tonight….
And it’s an absolutely beautiful sequence. Between the surreal menace of Miami at night, the atmosphere of impending doom, and the moody song playing in the background, this sequence plays out like a surreal dream. Both Tubbs and Crockett know that they are quite possibly driving to their death but, at this point, they have no other choice. Too many people have died to turn back. Neither Sonny nor Tubbs has anything in their life at that moment, beyond arresting Calderone.
And they do manage to arrest Calderone, along with killing quite a few of his associates. However, Calderone is released by a crooked judge and flies away in a private airplane while Sonny and Tubbs can only stand on the runway and watch. Sonny says that Calderone will return eventually. Tubbs replies that he probably doesn’t have a job anymore. Sonny asks Tubbs if he’s interested in a “career in Southern law enforcement.”
The second part of the pilot was dominated by that one scene of Tubbs and Sonny driving down the street. And that scene was so strong and it made such an impression that it’s easy to ignore that the rest of Brother’s Keeper Part Two was not quite as exciting as Part One. If the first part of the pilot set up Miami as a hedonistic playground of the rich and corrupt, the second part felt a bit more conventional in its approach. Or, at least, it did until Phil Collins started to sing and play the drums. One cannot understate the importance of that one scene. That one scene, done with next to no dialogue, pretty much told the viewer everything that they needed to know about the show, about Miami, and about Crockett and Tubbs as partners. In that scene, the show reminded us that no one is guaranteed to get out alive.
Next week: Crockett and Tubbs infiltrate an undercover pornography ring and Ed O’Neill appears as an FBI agent who may have gone over to the dark side.
As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasionally Mastodon. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We snark our way through it.
Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be 1987’s Karate Warrior! It’s an Italian take on The Karate Kid and I picked it so you know it’ll be good.
Following #MondayActionMovie, Brad and Sierra will be hosting the #MondayMuggers live tweet. We will be watching 2005’s Red Eye! The film is on Prime!
It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in. If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up Karate Warrior on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag! Then, at 10 pm et, switch over to Twitter and Prime, start Red Eye, and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag! The live tweet community is a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1973’s The Bait! It can be viewed on YouTube!
Tracey Fleming (Donna Mills) is the widow of a cop and an undercover detective herself. Unfortunately, her superior, Captain Maryk (Michael Constantine), is not convinced that Tracey has what it takes to be in a dangerous situation and, as a result, Tracey spends most of her time riding the bus and busting perverts and low-level drug dealers. When four woman are raped and murdered by the same serial killer, Tracey writes up a report on what she thinks is motivating the killer. Captain Maryk is, at first, skeptical about Tracey’s claim that the killer is fueled by a puritanical rage but, when it turns out that the killer has been wiping off his victims’s lipstick (just as Tracey speculated that he was), Maryk starts to think that Tracey might have something to offer the investigation.
Tracey becomes the bait in an operation to lure out the killer. Leaving behind her son and her mother, Tracey moves into an apartment in the neighborhood that is believed to be the center of the killer’s activities. Tracey is given a job as a survey taker and soon, she’s walking around the neighborhood and asking random men for their opinions on current events and women’s liberation. A local waitress (Arlene Golonka) recognizes Tracey as a detective but Tracey lies and say that she’s no longer with the force. When the killer makes the waitress his next victim, Tracey becomes even more determined to capture him but will she able to get Marsyk and the rest of the force to give her the room to investigate the murders?
This may sound like an intriguing whodunit but, for some reason, The Bait reveals early on that the murderer is a bus driver named Earl Stokely (played, in a very early performance, by William Devane). There’s really nothing to be gained by revealing the killer’s identity as early as the film does. Perhaps if the film was split between scenes of Tracey investigating the neighborhood and Earl stalking Tracey, that would have generated some sort of suspense but, with the exception of one bus ride, Tracey and Earl barely even interact before he comes after her at the film’s end. Devane does give a good performance as a homicidal lunatic but, when viewed today, it’s impossible to watch him in this film without spending most of the time thinking, “Hey, that’s the usually Kennedyesque William Devane, playing a killer bus driver!”
I was not surprised to learn that The Bait was intended to be a pilot for a weekly television series that would have followed the future investigations of Tracey Fleming. Donna Mills was likable in the lead role and she had a good chemistry with the other actors playing her colleagues so it’s easy to imagine a series in which Tracey solved a new case every week while Marsyk continually underestimated her. Ultimately, though, that series never happened and The Bait would be the sole televised adventure of Detective Tracey Fleming.
4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!
119 years ago, on this date, the great director Edgar G. Ulmer was born in what is today the Czech Republic. It’s time for….
4 Shots From 4 Edger G. Ulmer Films
The Black Cat (1934, dir by Edgar G. Ulmer, DP: John J. Mescall)
Detour (1945, dir by Edgar G. Ulmer, DP: Benjamin H, Kline)
The Man From Planet X (1951, dir by Edgar G. Ulmer, DP: John L. Russell)
Beyond The Time Barrier (1960, dir by Edgar G. Ulmer, DP: Meredith Nicholson)
I watched the first two episodes of this Canadian show on Saturday, in preparation for a future series of reviews.
Dr. Phil (YouTube)
My mind was racing on Sunday morning so, around 3 in the morning, I attempted to calm it and ease myself into sleep by putting on an episode of Dr. Phil as background noise. Dr. Phil was talking to the daughter of a country music drummer. She was addicted to drugs and convinced that she was being stalked by strangers. It didn’t sound like Phil did that much good.
On Monday morning, I watched an episode featuring the creator of Jilly Juice. “Jilly Juice can cure cancer, grow back limbs, and reverse homosexuality!” Jillian happily announced about her salt-filled concoction before adding, “No, I’m not a doctor or scientist!” An actual doctor revealed that Jilly Juice actually caused explosive diarrhea. At one point, someone in the audience ran up on the stage and was grabbed by security. It made for a bizarre 43 minutes.
On Wednesday morning, I re-watched the classic episode in which two crazy women, Vicky and Darlene, accused a totally innocent woman of running a fake GoFundMe page. Darlene eventually saw the error of her ways but Vicky was a lost cause.
On Friday night and Saturday morning, I watched an episode about music videos and songs that centered around money. This was followed by a profile of Billy Idol.
My mind was racing on Sunday morning so, around 4 in the morning, I attempted to calm it and ease myself into sleep by putting on an episode of Steve Wilkos as background noise. I was really tired and out-of-it so I’m not sure what exactly was going on but Steve sure was yelling at a lot of people.
Fresh from an uneventful summit in Washington, a jet-lagged Prime Minister Hacker decide it was time to go on television and announce his Grand Design, which would include the return of conscription. Fortunately, Sir Humphrey was able to manipulate a few polls and the opinions of the other members of the cabinet and the Prime Minister decided that it would perhaps be better to go with a speech that announced (and said) nothing. The highlight of this episode was Hacker practicing for the broadcast. Paul Eddington perfectly captured the character’s mix of earnestness and self-importance. Hacker truly wants to be the best prime minister that he can be but he also doesn’t want to say anything that could run the risk of damaging his future political prospects. Early in the episode, he was stunned when Bernard explained to him that, as Prime Minister, he was really only required to work seven hours a week. By the end of the episode, Hacker seemed to be much more comfortable with the idea.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, Julie’s sister shows up and Juan Epstein falls in love.
Episode 2.7 “Sweathog, Nebraska Style”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 11th, 1976)
Gabe tells Julie about his Uncle Oscar, who was harassed one day by three bikers and who responded by “driving over three motorcycles in the parking lot.”
Unfortunately, Julie is not really interested in jokes this week. Her teenage sister, Jenny (Susan Pratt), suddenly shows up in Brooklyn and explains that she has left Nebraska because she had a fight with her longtime boyfriend, Roger Abernathy. Julie insists that Jenny attend classes at Buchanan High but is horrified when Jenny promptly starts to date Juan Epstein! Julie even goes up to the school to complain to the principal, Mr. Lazarus, about her sister dating a Sweathog. (Never mind, of course, that Julie herself married a former Sweathog.) This episode also establishes that the never-seen Mr. Lazarus is apparently best friends with Juan Epstein.
Jenny finally agrees to return to Nebraska but just because Epstein is planning on going back with her. Not even Barbarino and Freddie dressing up as farmers and Horshack putting on a cow outfit can convince Epstein to stay in New York. But then Roger Abernathy calls from Nebraska, apologizes for arguing with Jenny, and Jenny dumps Epstein and heads back home alone.
After Jenny leaves, Gabe tells Julie about his uncle SitDownThere Kotter, who got that name because of the time he stood up in a movie theater and everyone yelled, “Hey, sit down there!”
“That is the worst joke I’ve ever heard in my entire life,” Julie replies. Gabe looks sincerely hurt.
Actually, Julie doesn’t come across particularly well in this episode, flat out announcing that Juan Epstein is not good enough for her sister and basically acting like the biggest snob in Brooklyn. It’s hard not to feel bad for Epstein, who seems to have genuine feelings for Jenny but who gets rather abruptly dumped at the last minute. For all the talk about how moving to Nebraska would be a strange thing for Epstein to do, it probably would have also been a good thing for him. He would be free of his reputation for “being most likely to take a life” and he could start his own life all over again. In the end, though, Jenny abandons him and returns to Roger. According to the IMDb, this is Jenny’s only appearance on WelcomeBack Kotter, so I’m going to assume that things went well for her back in Omaha.
Let’s move on.
Episode 2.8 “Sadie Hawkins Day”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 18th, 1976)
Gabe tells Julie about his cousin Shermie, who didn’t start talking until he was 9 years old. Shermie’s first words were “cereal bowl.”
It’s time for the Sadie Hawkins Day Dance at Buchanan High! Barbarino is scandalized by the idea of girls asking out boys. “You know when girls should be able to ask us out?” Barbarino tells Horshack, “When they can get us in …. trouble.” Barbarino does, however, give Horshack some advice on how to get a date. His hair should always look like it’s been dried by the wind. Horshack should always use the “Barbarino stance,” which is defined as looking like you don’t care one way or the other. Barbarino sings his Ba-Ba-Barbarino song while showing Horshack how to relax. The audience loves it.
Barbarino is not the only person who has an issue with Sadie Hawkins Day. Mr. Woodman hides out in Gabe’s class and pretends to be a student in order to prevent Ms. Fishbeck from asking him out. Gabe tells Woodman that no one is going to mistake him for a Sweathog.
“Hi there,” Woodman replies, doing his best Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington impersonation.
Eventually, Ms. Fishbeck does manage to track down Mr. Woodman, hiding in the teacher’s lounge and jumping out of a cupboard. Barbarino, however, is less lucky than either Woodman or Fishbeck. With the day of the dance rapidly approaching, Barbarino doesn’t have a date! Barbarino is so self-absorbed that he doesn’t even realize when someone is trying to work up the courage to ask him out. Later, when one girl does find the courage to ask Barbarino to the dance, Barbarino turns her down because he doesn’t want anyone to learn that he didn’t get a date until the day before the dance. Gabe points out that Barbarino’s actions don’t make any sense. “It’s not easy being a living legend,” Barbarino explains.
Despite not having a date, Barbarino does show up at Buchanan High on the night of the dance. However, instead of joining everyone in the courtyard, he decides to sit in Gabe’s classroom. Gabe finds him in the room and starts to tell Barbarino a story about his time as a student at Buchanan High. “No more stories!” Barbarino begs before heading down to the courtyard. Barbarino confesses to the other Sweathogs that he doesn’t have a date. However, Judy Borden (Helaine Lembeck), making her first appearance since the end of the first season, reveals that she doesn’t have a date either. Quickly adopting the Barbarino Stance, Barbarino becomes Judy’s date. Everyone dances and, even though we’re supposed to laugh at Barbarino ending up with the loud and obnoxious Judy, they actually make a really cute couple.
As the dance wraps up, Gabe tells Julie about his Uncle Atlas, who used to play handball with a guy named Morty.
This episode worked largely due to the performance of John Travolta, who does a good job of portraying both Barbarino’s well-meaning stupidity and his (often hidden) sensitivity. On the one hand, Barbarino had no one to blame but himself. On the other hand, the scene where gazed out the classroom window at all of his friends having fun was actually a little heart-breaking. Personally, I hope things work out for Barbarino and Judy. They’re a great couple!
As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.
Tonight, at 9 pm et, Tim Buntley will be hosting #ScarySocial! The movie? 2021’s Meander!
If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag! I’ll be there tweeting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.
