Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.10 “The Java Tiger”

Posted on July 14, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Master, which ran on NBC from January to August of 1984. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, the action moves off the mainland!

Episode 1.10 “The Java Tiger”

(Dir by Bruce Kessler, originally aired on April 13th, 1984)

Max and McAllister go to Hawaii!

I have to admit that I was really excited about this episode, precisely because it did feature Max and McAllister heading to Hawaii. I love Hawaii. Some of my favorite memories come from the summer that me, my sisters and our mom spent in Hawaii. It doesn’t matter how bad a show or a movie may sound, I’ll give it a chance if it features the promise of Hawaii.

Unfortunately, this episode of The Master never really takes advantage of the beauty of the islands. In fact, other than for a few generic shots of Honolulu, it appears that this episode was filmed in California. About the only thing that says Hawaii about this episode are the shirts worn by the bad guys and the lei hanging around Max’s neck when he and McAllister check into their hotel.

Max and McAllister are in Hawaii because McAllister has received a letter from an old friend of his, a private investigator/treasure hunter named Leo Fairchild (Dick O’Neill). Just as with last week, one has to wonder how McAllister got the letter when he doesn’t have a fixed address and he’s supposedly been laying low in America to avoid getting track down by the ninjas who want him dead. As well, how does McAllister have all of these old friends in the United States and how do they all know that he’s a ninja? When the series started, the whole idea was that McAllister had been Japan since the end of World War II and that he had spent the majority of that time either being trained or training others. And yet, as of last week’s episode, McAllister is now suddenly a minor celebrity.

When Max and McAllister arrive in Japan, they meet Leo’s daughter, Shelly (Cynthia Cypert). Shelly tells Max and McAllister that her father was killed while searching for the location of a priceless statue, the fabled Java Tiger. Leo, she explains, was the only person in Hawaii to have a map leading to the tiger’s location. However, whoever killed Leo, stole half of the map. Now, if she’s going to fulfill her father’s dream, she needs to get that half of the map back. She’s pretty sure that Kruger (Kabir Bedi), a notorious and greedy practitioner of the martial arts, has the missing half. So, once again, it’s time for McAllister to put on his black uniform and break into a compound with Max! When things don’t go as well as Max and McAllister might have hoped, they’re saved by an old friend of McAllister’s….

As you may have guessed, Leo isn’t actually dead. He faked his own death so that McAllister would agree to help him find the Java Tiger. As Leo explains it, he needs McAllister to enter the cave where the Tiger is hidden because the cave is full of booby traps and McAllister, being a ninja, is the only man alive who can dodge falling rocks and darts. And, of course, time is of the essence because the cave is on an island that is also home to a volcano that is about to erupt.

This is what the volcano looks like:

To be honest, there’s something oddly charming about how fake the volcano looks. I was pretty annoyed that the episode didn’t have any pretty shot of Hawaii but, as soon as I saw that miniature, plaster volcano spewing smoke, I couldn’t help but smile.

McAllister, Max, Leo, and Shelly arrive at the island with Kruger’s men closely behind. With the volcano erupting all around them, they find the cave and eventually McAllister grabs the Java Tiger. But, when it appears that Kruger might be killed by a booby trap, McAllister drops the statue and saves the life of his enemy because McAllister is a man of honor. As a result, no one gets the tiger but McAllister stays true to his ideals.

To be honest, this episode was so silly that it was almost charming. Unfortunately, the usually reliable character actor Dick O’Neill gives an annoyingly mannered performance as Leo Fairchild, hamming it up and chewing every piece of scenery in sight. Leo is one of those characters who never stops talking and it’s hard not to get annoyed both the character and the actor playing him. In fact, so much time is devoted to Leo talking and talking that the episode almost feels like a pilot for a Leo Fairchild show. Who knows? Maybe it was. All I know is that the episode needed more Hawaii and less Leo.

This was a underwhelming week for The Master. There’s only three episodes left and Max and McAllister don’t seem to be any closer to finding Teri than when they started. Get to work, guys! You’re running out of time!

Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix for The Wraith!

Posted on July 14, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter and I hope to continue to be until the site finally becomes unusable. (It’s going to happen eventually so enjoy it while you can!) I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 10 pm et, #FridayNightFlix has got 1986’s The Wraith! This film stars Charlie Sheen, Sherilyn Fenn, Nick Cassavetes, Randy Quaid, and Clint Howard! Remember …. “if you lose the race, you lose your car!”

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag! It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

The Wraith is available on Prime and Tubi! See you there!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 5.13 “Weight on Jamal” and 5.14 “Basket Case”

Posted on July 13, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, it’s a trip to the rec center with a stop off at the Manhattan Diner. There’s only a few more episodes left and this show cannot end soon enough.

Episode 5.13 “Weight on Jamal”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 27th, 2001)

Here’s the plot description, according to Wikipedia:

Jamal wants to get into USC, but his coach tells him that he isn’t in shape enough to be considered for the team. He starts working out and is offered steroids at the health club. Meanwhile Dawn, Cassidy, Chris and Al have to deal with a cruel pottery teacher. Ms. Hotz scares the students and they eventually fight back. She reveals that she is only mean because most people take her class due to her sexy looks.

Seriously, the pottery teacher is named Ms. Hotz? Considering that L-Train apparently didn’t take the pottery class, I’m going to guess that he was busy convincing Jamal to give up the steroids. Since when has Jamal wanted to go to USC? Plus, didn’t he already get a baseball scholarship?

Eh, who cares? I’m glad this episode isn’t on YouTube.

Episode 5.14 “Basket Case”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 27th, 2001)

God, this episode is stupid.

Jamal’s father is out-of-town and he’s left Jamal with a big responsibility. Jamal has to run the diner, hire some new waitresses, and impress a food critic. Here’s my problem with this. Why is the food critic wasting her time with a generic hamburger place that seems to be exclusively used by the students of Manny High? With all the restaurants in New York, why review that one? As well, how irresponsible and stupid is Jamal’s father to leave Jamal in charge of the diner when something this important is about to happen? When has Jamal ever shown that he can handle that type of responsibility?

Anyway, to the surprise of no one, Jamal screws everything up, misidentifies a friend of Ms. Noble’s as the food critics, and can only watch in horror as the actual food critics leaves in a huff due to not even getting a glass of water while waiting for someone to take her order. Desperate to get the food critic to give the diner a second chance, Chris calls the food critic and pretends to be Jamal’s father. (It’s just as cringey as it sounds as Chris lowers his voice and laughs heartily at his own jokes.) The food critics agrees to give them a second chance. As soon as Chris hangs up, Ms. Noble wanders by and informs Chris, Jamal, and Cassidy that the food critic is in her tango class and that she loves to dance.

This leads to perhaps the stupidest moment ever in the history of this show and that’s saying something.

The food critic returns to the diner. She has a bowl of soup as Jamal and Cassidy watch. She tells them that the diner’s food is some of the best that she had ever had. Now, at this point, Jamal and Cassidy should be happy because the food critic has just told them that she loves the food. There’s no need to do anything else, right? Instead of just taking the victory when they can, they decide bring out “the chef.” The chef turns out to be Chris, wearing a fake mustache. Chris says that he loves to tango and then spins the food critic right out of the diner. WHY!? SHE WAS ALREADY GIVING THE PLACE A GOOD REVIEW! HOW STUPID ARE THESE PEOPLE!? Anyway, Ms. Noble then enters the diner and says that actually, the food critic was not in her tango class but in her Bible study class. WHAT!?

Anyway, the food critic still gives the diner a good review. She recommends that anyone who likes to tango ask for the chef. Except, of course, Chris isn’t actually the chef so anyone who asks is going to be massively disappointed.

GOD, THAT WAS STUPID! And it was only the B-plot!

The A-plot dealt with a rec center, which we’ve never seen before despite the fact that everyone on the show acts as if it’s a huge part of their lives. Dawn has a crush on the 50 year-old head of the center and when he says that the Rec Center may have to close down due to lack of money, Dawn decides to hold a fund raiser. Her plans involves a basketball shoot out and apparently, it’s imperative that both L-Train and his new girlfriend, Kianna, compete. (I’m not sure why.) However, L-Train worries that competing against his girlfriend will lead to them breaking up. Kianna reluctantly agrees not to take part in the shoot out but then, at the last minute, L-Train realizes he’s being a jerk and asks her to compete. And, of course, she wins.

Why did L-Train have a change of heart? I have no idea but the important thing is that the Rec Center stays open.

This was a dumb episode, all-around. Graduation cannot come soon enough!

Scenes That I Love: Harrison Ford Briefs Martin Sheen In Apocalypse Now

Posted on July 13, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Happy birthday, Harrison Ford!

Today’s scene that I love features Harrison Ford in one of his more unexpected roles. In Francis Ford Coppola’s Apocalypse Now, he played one of the three men who ordered Martin Sheen to go upriver and assassinate Marlon Brando. It’s a small role, especially when one considers that Ford had appeared as Han Solo just two years before. Given the lengthy shooting of Apocalypse Now, there’s some debate as to whether Ford was actually cast in the role before he was selected for Star Wars. Giving credence to that theory is that Ford played a similar role for director Francis Ford Coppola in The Conversation. However, it’s hard not to notice that Ford plays Col. G. Lucas, which would suggest that his casting was a bit of an inside joke. Speaking of inside jokes, G.D. Spradlin plays General R. Corman, no doubt named for the man who gave Coppola his start in the business.

(Interesting enough, both Spradlin and Corman played U.S. Senators in The Godfather Part II.)

In this scene, Ford shows off the nerdy intensity that was actually kind of his acting trademark before Star Wars changed his screen persona. This scene, along with his work in The Conversation, serves as a reminder that Harrison Ford is a pretty good character actor along with being one of the last great movie stars.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.23 “A Funny Valentine/The Wallflower/Home is Not a Home”

Posted on July 12, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

After the past few cruises, I think we’re overdue for a good episode of The Love Boat. Let’s see if this week’s episode can deliver!

Episode 2.23 “A Funny Valentine/The Wallflower/Home is Not a Home”

(Dir by George Tyne, originally aired on March 3rd, 1979)

Julie has decided that this week’s voyage is going to have a carnival theme and, in order to get everyone in the mood, she’s hired a fortune teller! Mary Louise (Samantha Eggar) claims that she can read palms but she’s even more interested in the art of phrenology, the study of heads. When she sees that Captain Stubing is bald, she can’t wait to see what the top of his shiny head says about his romantic future. Unfortunately, Stubing is in one of his depressed moods and says that fortune telling is for the young. He explains that he’s old and he already knows that he’s destined to spend the rest of his life alone.

Awwwww!

Luckily, Mary Louise has other ideas! The Captain is soon won over by Mary Louise’s free-spirited ways and her joi de vivre. But the Captain also realizes that, unless he holds a carnival every cruise, there’s really not much place for a fortune teller on the ship. The best that he can offer Mary Louise is a job in the gift shop. Realizing that their lives are just too different, Mary Louise leaves the boat without saying goodbye the Captain …. but then she returns to tell the Captain that maybe she will take that gift shop job.

Awwwwww!

But then the Captain tells her that she would be miserable working in a gift shop. (Hopefully, none of the other gift shop employees overheard him.) The Captain and Mary Louise part ways.

Again, awwwwwww!

It was a simple story but I have to say that Samantha Eggar and Gavin MacLeod had a surprising amount of chemistry and both of them gave really heartfelt performances in this episode. I found myself caring about them as a couple and hoping that things would work out. Of course, I knew things couldn’t work out because then the show would have to find a new captain.

While all that is going on, shy Sylvia (Patty Freedman) has finally taken the advice of her neighbor, Gopher. She has booked a cruise on the Love Boat! However, Sylvia is painfully shy and doesn’t even realize that there’s a passenger named Monroe (Zane Lasky) who has a crush on her. (Of course, Monroe is pretty shy himself.) Gopher decides that Sylvia needs a confidence boost so he sends her a rose at dinner and tells her it’s from a secret admirer. Unfortunately, Sylvia becomes so obsessed with finding her secret admirer that she continues to fail to notice Monroe trying to talk to her. When Sylvia returns to her cabin, she discovers hundreds of roses. When she tells Gopher about it, Gopher is confused because he didn’t send any roses to her cabin. For some reason, Gopher assumes that Sylvia is now delusional and that she only thought she saw all of the flowers in her cabin. Seeking to restore her sanity, Gopher confesses that he sent Sylvia the rose. Sylvia assumes that Gopher means that he sent all of the roses so, when Monroe confesses to sending the flowers to her cabin, she assumes that Monroe is making fun of her and….

AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Yes, this is another story where all of the problems could have been easily resolved by everyone not acting like an idiot. But you know what? As much as stories like this usually tend to drive me crazy, I actually enjoyed this one. Patty Freedman and Zane Lasky both gave charming performances, even if their characters did things that didn’t always make sense. I was happy when they finally got together. This was a rare case where two passengers really did seem perfect for each other.

Finally, the third storyline featured Arthur Godfrey and Minnie Pearl as Ned and Molly, two seniors who were eloping. Looking to stop the marriage was Ned’s son, Francis (Warren Berlinger), and Molly’s daughter, Rowena (Elinor Donahue). Of course, Francis and Rowena fell in love and the episode ended with everyone planning to get married in a big double wedding. This story was pretty predictable and Berlinger and Donahue went a little bit overboard playing their characters as being uptight prudes in their first few scenes. But, still, at least everyone got a happy ending.

I liked this episode. The crew was likable, the passengers were charming, and everyone found love. Yay!

A Few Thoughts On The 2023 Emmy Nominations

Posted on July 12, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Emmy nominations were revealed today. There’s so many of them that I couldn’t even begin to list them all here on the site but you can view them over at the Emmys’s main site. While looking over the nominees, I had just a few thoughts.

First off, the Emmys themselves always feel a bit silly. I think it’s because there’s so many different categories and so many contenders that, inevitably, one feels as if they’ve only seen a few of the actual nominees. As well, the Emmys tend to fall into the habit of nominating the same programs over and over again, regardless of whether the show or performer actually had a good individual season. Once a show is nominated two times in a row, it seems destined to be nominated for the rest of its run, even if its subsequent seasons aren’t that interesting. (Cases in point: Only Murders In The Building and Ted Lasso.) By that same token, if a show is snubbed during it’s first or second season, it’ll probably never be nominated for anything, regardless of how popular or critically acclaimed it may eventually become. (Case in point: Yellowstone.) In other words, don’t take the Emmys seriously.

In the comedy categories, I was really happy to see that both Jury Duty and James Marsden were nominated. Ted Lasso was nominated because the Academy is addicted to voting for it and not because it had a particularly noteworthy third season. I was glad to see that Barry was nominated but annoyed to see that neither Sarah Goldberg nor Stephen Root were remembered. I was glad that Natasha Lyonne was nominated but Poker Face still deserved far more nominations than it received.

In the drama categories, it’s pretty much all Succession. Succession ended this season and I’m glad that I’ll no longer have to pretend to care about it. There’s something so liberating about the prospect of never having to read another cutesy interview with Brian Cox or another think piece on why Shiv is the greatest character ever. I imagine Succession will sweep the Emmys, which is a bit unfortunate as this year will always be Better Call Saul‘s last chance to be honored. Hopefully, Bob Odenkirk will finally win an Emmy for Better Call Saul. I’m glad that Andor was nominated but I’m disappointed that Diego Luna was not.

In the limited anthology series category, it’s hard not to be a bit annoyed that the Academy went for Ryan Murphy’s overlong and rather pointless miniseries about Jeffrey Dahmer while completely snubbing National Geographic’s A Small Light. At this point, I guess the Academy feels obligated to honor anything that Ryan Murphy forces on them. I was also disappointed that The English failed to pick up any major nominations, not even for the great Emily Blunt. The Emmy win that would make me happiest would be for Ray Liotta to win for Black Bird.

In the movie category, Beavis and Butt-Head Do The Universe was not nominated but …. well, I kind of knew that it wouldn’t be. It was hilarious but, unfortunately, it’s not the type of thing that wins awards.

Traitors should have been nominated for Best Reality Competition.

South Park‘s “Worldwide Privacy Tour” was not nominated for Best Animated Program. That’s just ridiculous. The Television Academy wimped out as far as that’s concerned.

Anyway, it’s the Emmys. In the end, no one really cares that much.

Scenes That I Love: Dracula Meets Van Helsing

Posted on July 12, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

143 years ago, on this date in Kentucky, director Tod Browning was born. Though Browning was a director who was comfortable working in any genre, he is today best remembered for the horror films that he directed for Universal studios. Today’s scene that I love comes from Tod Browning’s 1931 adaptation of Dracula.

In this scene, Count Dracula (Bela Lugosi) is introduced to Prof. Van Helsing (Edward Van Sloan). Van Helsing notes something interesting about Dracula’s reflection, namely that he doesn’t have one. Needless to say, the Count is not amused.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Monte Hellman Edition

Posted on July 12, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

94 years ago today, the great director Monte Hellman was born in New York City. Though Hollywood never quite understood Hellman or his idiosyncratic vision, he and his films have inspired a countless number of independent filmmakers. Hellman started his career with Roger Corman and was one of the first directors to recognize the talent of actors like Jack Nicholson and Warren Oates. When Monte Hellman passed away in 2021, he was eulogized as one of the key figures of the Hollywood counterculture. Today, we celebrate Hellman and his films with….

4 Shots From 4 Monte Hellman Films

The Shooting (1966, dir by Monte Hellman, DP: Gregory Sandor)

Two-Lane Blacktop (1971, dir by Monte Hellman, DP: Jack Deerson)

Cockfighter (1974, dir by Monte Hellman, DP: Nestor Almendros)

China 9, Liberty 38 (1978, dir by Monte Hellman, DP: Guiseppe Rotunno)

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.5 “The Chain Gang/The Boss”

Posted on July 11, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

What I’ve long-feared has happened.

Tubi has removed the original Fantasy Island from its site. The recently-canceled Fox version can be viewed but not the original. Don’t get me wrong. I liked the new Fox version. But these are Retro Television Reviews and a show that premiered in 2021 is not yet retro.

Fortunately, quite a few episodes are on YouTube and it’s probable that the original complete series will again end up streaming somewhere. So, I’m going to try to continue to review this show. I can’t guarantee that I won’t run out of episodes at some point. For instance, it doesn’t appear that much of seasons 6 or 7 can be found, even on YouTube. (Unfortunately, it appears that only the first three seasons of Fantasy Island have been released on DVD.) But I’m going to do my best!

Episode 3.5 “The Chain Gang/The Boss”

(Dir by Michael Vejar, originally aired on October 19th, 1979)

Tattoo has decided that he wants to be an artist! Mr. Roarke demands to know why because God forbid Tattoo have a life outside of spotting the plane. Tattoo admits that he wants to get the island women to pose for him. Mr. Roarke orders Tattoo to abandon his art career and head down to the docks to meet the plane.

The plane is carrying two guests who hope, much like Tattoo, to change their lives.

Cindy Carter (Donna Mills) is a switchboard operator who has a crush on her boss, Brent Bailey (Brett Halsey). Her fantasy is to be the boss of her own company. Mr. Roarke grants her wish and soon, Cindy is in charge of her own multi-national corporation. In fact, her corporation owns Brent Bailey’s business! Cindy also gets a executive assistant named Gary Pointer (Roddy McDowall). Unfortunately, it turns out that Brent isn’t a very nice person and he’s been siphoning money out of the pension fund. He threatens to frame Cindy to keep her from approving an audit of the fund. However, with Gary’s support and eventual love, Cindy stands up to Brent and reveals his wrong-doing. Mr. Atwell (Stacy Keach, Sr.), the presumed-dead head of the company, suddenly shows up at the stockholder’s meeting and announces that he faked his own death to discover who was embezzling from the pension fund. The stockholders applaud as Brent Bailey is taken away from the police. It’s all rather silly and melodramatic but the likable presence of Roddy McDowall kept the story entertaining.

Meanwhile, Mike Jenner (Dennis Cole) came to the Island to confront Eddie Collins (Cameron Mitchell), the criminal that Mike believes murdered his father and framed him for a theft. (There’s a lot of theft in this episode.) Mr. Roarke reveals that Eddie lives in a nearby fishing village. Mike goes to the village, spots Eddie, and punches him. Eddie hits back….

….and both of them are sentenced to spend a year on a chain gang!

Fantasy Island has a chain gang!? And the chain gang is overseen by a redneck named Captain Hawks (R.G. Armstong)!? Why has this never been mentioned before? I mean, is it normal to sentence paying guests to spend a year on the chain gang?

Anyway, Eddie and Mike set aside their difference and break out out the prison camp. (Fantasy Island has prison camps!?) During their escape, Eddie gets trapped in quicksand. Mike does eventually rescue him but only after Eddie confesses to having framed Mike’s father. As soon as Eddie confesses, Mr. Roarke shows up in his jeep. Apparently, Mike is now free to leave the Island with his fiancee (Pat Klous) while Eddie is sent to the Fantasy Island prison for the rest of his life. Much as the other fantasy was saved by the reliable likability of Roddy McDowall, this episode was saved by Cameron Mitchell’s grouchy presence. One could always trust Mitchell to give it his all while playing a bad guy.

With the fantasies taken care of, Tattoo returns to his art. When he asks his model to pose naked, she destroys all of his paintings while Mr. Roarke laughs and laughs. Mr. Roarke really does hate his assistant.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 5.9 “Tolerance” and 5.10 “Big Brother Blues”

Posted on July 10, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, many important lessons are learend.

Episode 5.9 “Tolerance”

(Directed by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on November 13th, 1999)

Even though none of them have ever been seen or mentioned over the course of the previous 87 episodes, the episode reveals that Deering High is home to several students who dress in black, wear black eye-liner, and who hang out at a coffeehouse called The Morgue.

I know what you’re thinking. They’re Goths, right?

No, according to Hang Time, they’re called Grotes, which is short for Grotesques. Uhmmm …. okay. Was Grote actually a term that was used in 1999? Maybe it’s an Indiana thing. Who knows?

Anyway, everyone at school is scared of the Grotes, which makes it awkward when Kristy is assigned to work with one of them for her science class. At first, Syd (Alicia Lagano) dismisses Kristy as just being a typical popular cheerleader but she’s impressed with Kristy actually shows up at the Morgue. Kristy learns that the Grotes are human underneath all of their dark makeup and she also realizes that her two best friends are incredibly shallow when they start making fun of the Grotes. While it’s in character for Mary Beth to be judgmental of someone else’s fashion choices, I was a little bit surprised to see that the show portrayed Julie as being equally close-minded. Usually, Julie is portrayed as being a near-saint. You would think that, with all trouble Julie has supposedly had getting people to accept her as a basketball player, she would be a bit less …, well, mean. Mary Beth makes fun of the Grotes for wearing too much makeup. Julie goes as far as to say that the Grotes should expect to be picked on if they’re going to insist on being so different.

Kristy decides to teach her friends a lesson by dressing up like a Grote. At first, Julie and Mary Beth are shocked to see Kristy dressed in black and wearing too much eyeliner. Later, they’re stunned to learn that Kristy has been beaten up by two non-Grote bullies. At the homecoming dance, Mary Beth is elected Homecoming Queen and she spends her acceptance speech apologizing for judging the Grotes. She gives her crown to Kritsy as way to thank Kristy “for teaching me about tolerance.” The audience goes, “Awwwww!” but it’s hard not to notice that none of the Grotes are at the dance.

Meanwhile, Eugene is dating a woman who has graduated from college! It turns out that he lied to her about his age. Despite the fact that everything about Eugene screams “High School Sophomore!,” Eugene convinces her that he’s a college student. But then Eugene’s girlfriend (Veronica Lauren) is hired to teach at the school! Uh-oh! Is Deering about to become a crime scene? Fear not. It turns out that Eugene’s girlfriend is a genius who graduated from high school when she was 12 and is only 16 years old. Uhmm, okay.

This episode aired a year after “A Guy and a Goth,” the episode of City Guys where Chris dated a goth girl and briefly dressed up like a goth himself. This is actually a rare example of City Guys handling a topic better than Hang Time. First off, City Guys actually used the term “goth” as opposed to “grote.” As well, there’s something painfully self-congratulatory about the Hang Time version of this story. Mary Beth apologizes to the Grotes but there aren’t any Grotes at the dance so it’s not really going to do them a lot of good. In the end, the audience said “awwwww,” not because Mary Beth was being tolerant but because Kristy, Mary Beth, and Julie agreed to still be friends.

How much you want to bet that we’ll never see Eugene’s girlfriend or the Grotes again?

Episode 5.10 “Big Brother Blues”

(Directed by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on November 20th, 1999)

The Tornadoes are one victory away from making the playoffs!

Yes, apparently, the Tornadoes have been having another successful season. Up until this episode, we really haven’t heard much about Deering’s latest season. I imagine this is because Season 5 and 6 were originally meant to be one season before NBC decided to not only split the show’s final 26 episodes into two seasons but also to show the episodes out of order. Just judging from the episode descriptions that are available on Wikipedia, it appears that most of the basketball episodes were moved to the sixth season.

Anyway, as I said, the Tornadoes are once again one game away from making the playoffs. However, they have to defeat the Mustangs, a team that Deering hasn’t defeated in over 11 years. The team is convinced that they’re jinxed. Coach K. brings in a “jinx exorcist” who works with the NBA. He dramatically banishes the jinx from the locker room. With their confidence intact, the Tornadoes dominate the first half. However, at halftime, they discover that the jinx exorcist was just some random guy that Coach K paid to fool them. The Tornadoes lose their confidence and nearly lose the game. In the end, thanks to Silk’s final shot, the Tornadoes win by …. you guessed it …. one point!

Meanwhile, Michael and Silk sign up for the Big Brother program and are assigned to spend time with a kid named Daniel. Daniel loves hanging out with Michael and Silk but it turns out that Daniel’s mom is a racist who doesn’t want her son to hang out with anyone black. Daniel still comes to the game but, after the Tornadoes win, he’s dragged away by his mom. Daniel runs back into the locker room to give Silk a hug but it’s pretty clear that the two of them will never see each other again,

What a sad ending!

This episode featured both Mary Beth and Julie talking about how much they hate it when people are judged by how they look. Interestingly enough, no one says, “You mean like how you judged the Grotes?” That said, it was a heartfelt episode with a good message and Danso Gordon does a good job of portraying Silk’s anger and sadness. The final scene was far more moving that what one would typically expect of a Peter Engel-produced sitcom.

Next week: the team gets cocky!