Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.20 “There’s No Business: Part One”

Posted on May 4, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Gabe finally realizes that there’s more to life than teaching!

Episode 3.20 “There’s No Business: Part One”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on January 26th, 1978)

After Vinnie attempts and fails to be a hit at the Comedy Connection’s open mic night, the Sweathogs decide that Gabe should give it a shot. According to the Sweathogs, the audience at the Comedy Connection loves it when people get on stage and tell really old jokes. Gabe admits that he’s thought about doing stand-up before. He decides to give it a shot.

And you know who is really happy about that? Mr. Woodman. Mr. Woodman can’t wait to heckle Gabe. Woodman explains that he’s a master heckler. He’s been heckling people his entire life. “Ever hear of Shecky Rubinstein?” Woodman asks. No, Gabe replies. That’s because Woodman heckled him until he quit show business.

The first night that Gabe performs, Woodman gets many opportunities to heckle. While Woodman, the Sweathogs, and Julie sit in the audience, Gabe struggles through a routine about his aunts and uncles. The audience is not amused. Woodman laughs but only at the fact that no one likes Gabe. As dispirited Gabe retreats to his dressing room, where he tells Julie that he’s going to give up on comedy.

That’s when agent Peter Charnoff (Sam Weisman) enters the room and tells Gabe that he’s funny. It doesn’t matter that Gabe bombed because “there’s some crazy old man out there heckling anyone.” Peter tells Gabe that he should talk about his students in his act.

The Sweathogs are surprisingly cool with the idea of Gabe making fun of them. The next week, Gabe again takes the stage and the audience loves his jokes, especially the ones about how Freddie always says “Hi there,” and Epstein forges his own notes. Gabe is a hit! And, with Peter’s encouragement, he announces that he’s stepping away from teaching so that he can be a stand-up comedian. The Sweathogs and Julie are stunned!

And run the end credits!

Hey, Gabe quit and apparently, he’s abandoning his wife and children. I guess the show’s over now. Thanks for reading, everyone! I wasn’t expecting things to end this abruptly but overall, I enjoyed….

Oh wait. This is a two-parter and this is just the end of part one. So, maybe the series isn’t over. We’ll find out next week, I guess!

As for this episode, it made sense that Gabe would eventually become a stand-up comedian. I’m a bit surprised it took him this long. I’m not really sure that audiences would actually go crazy over the rather anodyne jokes that Gabe told about his students but whatever. It’s television. (In Gabe Kaplan’s actual stand-up act, Arnold Horshack was named Arnold Horseshit. Obviously, that wasn’t going to happen on network television in 1978.) The highlight, as usual, was Woodman’s unhinged delight in being a jerk. Mr. Woodman is a true treasure.

We’ll see how Gabe’s new career progresses next week!

Guilty Pleasure No. 70: Face The Truth

Posted on May 4, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I am so thankful for YouTube.

Seriously, I had forgotten all about the television show, Face The Truth, until I randomly came across a clip of Vivica A. Fox yelling at a guy who she felt was being disrespectful towards “The Truth Panel.” After coming across the clip, I discovered that the Face The Truth YouTube channel still existed, despite the fact that the show hasn’t aired since 2019. I have now watched several clips, all of which reminded me of of the days when I would watch this misbegotten but oddly entertaining show while working in my office.

Produced by Dr. Phil’s production company, Face The Truth dealt with typical talk show issues. Bickering roommates would come on and talk about how messy the apartment was. Bickering parents would come on and complain about their ungrateful children. Ungrateful children would complain about their selfish parents. Ex-lovers would trash each other’s bedroom skills. Ex-business partners would accuse each other of embezzlement. At the end of each show, they would be told to stand in The Circle of Truth and the audience would vote for who they thought was right.

This show’s gimmick was that, instead of just having one host, it had five. The truth panel was made up of actress Vivica Fox and four women who regularly appeared as correspondents and consultants on Dr. Phil. Dr. Judy Ho was a psychiatrist. Rosie Mercado was a plus-sized model. Areva Martin was an attorney who specialized in family law. Scary Mary was an former judge who yelled at everyone and looked like she probably smoked a pack of cigarettes a day.

What made this show a guilty pleasure? I think what really set this talk show apart from others was just how thoroughly ineffectual the Truth Panel was. Dr. Judy occasionally had some good advice but it was obvious that the other three were mostly there to try to convince Dr. Phil to give them a solo show. The panelists talked over each other. Both Rosie and Areva gave long-winded advice that, more often that not, descended into empty psychobabble. As Scary Mary basically glared at everyone as if she personally resented their existence.

The panel rarely had anything to offer beyond the shallowest of cliches and the guests always seemed to not only pick up on this but also to get pissed off about it. It’s amazing how many of the clips on the show’s official YouTube channel features guests essentially telling the Panel to shut up while Areva and Rosie stare on in stunned silence. Just as Scary Mary hated the guests, they all hated her too. The fact that the guest’s retorts were often funnier and more memorable than Scary Mary’s insults did little to help the Truth Panel’s struggle to maintain some semblance of authority.

Who can forget the woman who stormed off set because “that older white woman doesn’t like black people!” (The older white woman was Scary Mary.) Or how about the ill-tempered guy who accused Mary of aggravating him until Mary finally turned his back on him. “You need to respect the panel,” Rosie Mercado yelled.

Or how about the moment that Scary Mary, while trying to broker peace between feuding friends, used herself as an example. “I might not like these other women but I still have to come to work!” Areva, with an awkward laugh, assured the audience that the member of the Panel all loved each other while Scary Mary dramatically rolled her eyes.

Overseeing all of this was Vivica A. Fox, who sometimes yelled and who often cried depending on the story being told and who always seemed like she deserved better than to have to deal with Scary Mary’s temper tantrums and Dr. Judy’s attempts to give earnest advise while the other panelists mugged for the camera. It was The Wrong Talk Show. But it was fascinating in a train-wreck sort of way. You watched to see which panelist would give the worst advise and which guest would be the first to tell Rosie that she didn’t know what she was talking about. It was all so openly ineffectual that Face the Truth felt like a break from talk shows that were always edited (or scripted, in many cases) to make their host look all-knowing and wise. Face the Truth was a complete mess. Indeed, it was so messy that it made me feel less guilty about my own not particular stellar track record when it comes to trying to give good advice.

As with most of the shows that he’s produced, Dr. Phil hyped the Hell out of Face the Truth until it actually premiered and tanked in the ratings. After that, Phil never mentioned the show again. Face The Truth premiered in September of 2018 and it was canceled six months later, avoiding the COVID pandemic by a year. It’s forgotten today …. or it would be if not for YouTube.

Previous Guilty Pleasures

6 Trailers For May 4th

Posted on May 4, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Star Wars not only launched an entire expanded universe. It also launched a few thousand rip-offs. For this weeks edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Film Trailers, we’ve got six trailers that might seem just a little familiar….

Battle Beyond The Stars (1980)

From Roger Corman comes this film, which is as much a rip-off of The Magnificent Seven as it is of Star Wars. Battle Beyond The Stars was a surprise box office success when it was first released.

2. Space Raiders (1983)

Also from executive producer Roger Corman, Space Raiders tells the story of what happens when a quirky band of intergalactic outlaws pick up an annoying (and frankly, rather stupid) kid.

3. The Humanoid (1979)

From director Aldo Lado, The Humanoid features the great Richard Kiel as the title character. There’s also a cute robot, an older mystic, and an evil Empire.

4. Message From Space (1978)

Do you remember another film that had a message from space?

5. Flash Gordon (1980)

Interestingly enough, Star Wars was as inspired by the original Flash Gordon as the Flash Gordon reboot was inspired by Star Wars.

6. Starcrash (1978)

And finally, we have Starcrash, the Star Wars rip-off that is actually better than Star Wars!

The TSL Grindhouse: The Spook Who Sat By The Door (dir by Ivan Dixon)

Posted on May 4, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

1973’s The Spook Who Sat By The Door opens with Senator Hennington (Joseph Mascolo) in a panic.

The Senator is running for reelection and is struggling to appeal to white voters and minority voters at the same time. White voters are happy that the Senator recently gave a speech in favor of “law and order” but now, he’s polling weakly with black voters. His wife (Elaine Aiken) suggests that the Senator win back black voters by demanding that the CIA hire more black agents.

The CIA responds to the political pressure by hiring Dan Freeman (Lawrence Cook) to be their first black agent. Freeman is given the standard CIA training and taught how to start revolutions in other countries. However, after he completes his training, Freeman is assigned no real responsibilities. He is given a desk job and spends most of his day making copies. Whenever a senator or a reporter visits CIA Headquarters, Freeman is trotted out so that the CIA can claim to be diverse. Freeman understands that he’s a token. He knows that his job is to basically sit by the door and be seen. But Freeman actually has bigger plans.

After spending a few years at the CIA, Freeman resigns and heads back to Chicago to work as a social worker. Using what he learned at the agency, he starts to recruit young black men as freedom fighters. He and the Cobras (as they’re called) launch their own guerilla war against the establishment in Chicago. Some of their tactics are violent and some of them are not. Freeman understands the importance of winning both hearts and minds and he recruits Willy (David Lemieux) to serve as his lead propagandist. Because Willy is light-skinned, he is also assigned to rob a bank because Freeman knows that both the witnesses and the police will mistake him for being white and will be less likely to fire on him. (The other members of the Cobras wear whiteface during the robbery.)

Freeman hopes that he will be able to recruit his childhood friend, Dawson (J.A. Preston), to the cause. Dawson, however, now works as a detective for the Chicago PD and has been assigned to beak up the Cobras. Will Freeman be able to bring over Dawson and what will happen if Dawson resists?

Based on a novel by Sam Greenlee (who was one of the first black men to be recruited to work with the United States Information Agency and who based many of Freeman’s CIA experiences on his own), The Spook Who Sat By The Door has achieved legendary status as a film that the FBI reportedly tried to keep out of theaters. Theater owners were pressured to either not book the film or to only book it for a week before replacing it with a less incendiary film. As a result, The Spook Who Sat By The Door became a difficult film to see. As often happens, the efforts to censor the film only added to its revolutionary mystique.

Of course, in 2024, one can go on YouTube and watch the film for oneself. It’s definitely uneven film, one that has pacing issues (especially at the beginning) and also one that suffers due to its low budget. Depicting the overthrow of the government on a budget will always be a challenge. Some of the acting is a bit amateurish but Lawrence Cook broods convincingly as Freeman and he’s well-matched by J.A. Preston’s portrayal of the more down-to-Earth Dawson. At its best, there’s a raw authenticity and anger to the film that immediately captures the viewer’s attention. It’s the rare political film to actually feature conversations about actual politics and it’s a film that asks how far people would be willing to go to accomplish change. The Spook Who Sat By The Door suggests that the true villains are the members of the establishment who cynically embraced the civil rights struggle in their words but not in their actions. In the end, Dan Freeman becomes a bit of a fanatic but the film suggests that perhaps a fanatic was what the times demanded.

Robert Englund as Han Solo? A Little May 4th Trivia

Posted on May 4, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Can you imagine how things might have played out if Robert Englund had played Han Solo?

It’s not as far-fetched as it might sound. In his autobiography, Hollywood Monster: A Walk Down Elm Street with the Man of Your Dreams, Englund mentions that he was one of the many actor who, in 1975, auditioned for a role in the first Star Wars film. It’s often forgotten that, before he became famous as Freddy Krueger in A Nightmare In Elm Street, Englund was a busy character actor who had roles in several big studio productions in the 70s. He was definitely a part of the “new Hollywood” that included people like George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, and Jon Milius.

Though Englund doesn’t go into much detail, he does say that he read for the roles of both Han Solo and Luke Skywalker. At the time, Englund didn’t feel that he was right for either role and he went back to his apartment under the correct impression that he would not be cast. However, he did feel that his friend and then-roommate Mark Hamill would be a good pick for Luke Skywalker and Englund writes that he encouraged Hamill to try out for the role.

Would Mark Hamill have been cast if Robert Englund hadn’t told him about the audition? Probably. Given that Star Wars was Lucas’s follow-up to the very popular American Graffiti, it’s probable that every struggling young actor in Hollywood was hoping to audition. As well, Hamill was not totally unknown to George Lucas, having early read for a role in American Graffiti. Still, it’s nice to think that, long before he was cast as Freddy Krueger, Robert Englund may have played a role in casting one of the most successful films of all time.

What would Robert Englund have been like as Han Solo? He definitely would not have been as grouchy as Harrison Ford’s Han. Indeed, one of the striking things out about Englund’s pre-Nightmare career was how he was usually cast as friendly characters who were almost shy. Englund would have been friendlier and rather eccentric Han Solo but I think he would have been entertaining in his way.

Because of the film’s success, it can be a bit difficult to know who was actually considered for a role in Star Wars. Lucas has said that he originally wanted to cast Black actor Glynn Turman as Han Solo but he feared audiences would not accept the possibility of an interracial romance between him and Leia, even in a galaxy far away. (Lucas’s regret over that decision is one of the things that led to the casting of Billy Dee Williams as Lando Calrissian.) The film’s IMDb trivia page insists that everyone from Al Pacino to Bill Murray to Marlon Brando to Chevy Chase was considered for the role of Han Solo and I have to say that this is a case where I doubt the accuracy of the IMDb. Harrison Ford, who had originally been hired only to read with people at the auditions, eventually got the role despite telling Lucas, about the script, “You can type this shit but you can’t say it.”

In several interviews, Christopher Lee expressed regret at having turned down the role of Grand Moff Tarkin, which was instead played by Lee’s best friend Peter Cushing. Interestingly enough, Cushing was also one of Lucas’s choices for Obi-Wan Kenobi so it’s easy to imagine a universe in which Star Wars reunited two Hammer films legends, along with setting box office records.

Famously, Lucas held joint-auditions with his friend Brian De Palma. De Palma was casting Carrie and just about everyone who read for one of the films also read for the other. Reportedly, William Katt came close to getting the role of Luke before instead being cast as Carrie’s doomed prom date. Amy Irving was also a strong contender for Leia, before instead ending up as Sue Snell in De Palma’s film. Some source that that Sissy Spacek also read for Leia, though I’ve also read that Spacek was not a part of the joint-auditions. That’s one thing about collecting trivia about classic films. It’s often hard to know what’s true and what’s just wishful thinking.

I should mention that another strong contender for Han Solo (and reportedly Luke as well) was Kurt Russell. It’s actually easy to imagine Kurt Russell as Han and, just as with Englund, it leads to an intriguing game of what if. Would Kurt Russell have gone on to have Harrison Ford’s career if he had been cast in Star Wars? Would Russell have gone to play Indiana Jones and Jack Ryan if he had been cast as Han Solo and would Harrison Ford have ended up helping the President to Escape from New York? Or is it just as possible that Star Wars have not worked without the chemistry of Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, and Mark Hamill? Would a Kurt Russell, Amy Irving, and William Katt version of Star Wars captured the imagination of audiences?

It’s a question to which there is no real answer, a bit like wondering if The Godfather would have been as big a hit if it had starred George C. Scott, Martin Sheen, and Burt Reynolds. Still, it’s interesting to consider.

Live Tweet Alert: Watch The Wicker Man with #ScarySocial

Posted on May 4, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, Deanna Dawn will be hosting 1973’s The Wicker Man!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag! The film is available on Prime and Tubi. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Scenes That I Love: Audrey Hepburn in Two For The Road

Posted on May 4, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today would have been the 95rd birthday of one of my favorite actresses, the wonderful Audrey Hepburn!

We’re all Audrey Hepburn fans here at the Shattered Lens. How could we not be? Long before she made her film debut, Audrey Hepburn literally risked her life as a part of the Dutch Resistance during World War II. After she retired from regularly appearing in the movies, she devoted herself to humanitarian causes and brought attention to the plight of refugees the world over. She was one of the greats and, for that reason, today’s scene that I love comes from one of her best films, 1967’s Two For The Road.

In this scene, Albert Finney and Audrey Hepburn play a married couple who discuss their troubled but loving marriage while on the road. This film features one Audrey’s best performances.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Star Wars Edition

Posted on May 4, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, we wish all of our readers a happy May The Fourth Be With You Day! It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Star Wars Films

Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977, dir by George Lucas, DP: Gilbert Talyor)

The Empire Strike Back (1980, dir by Irvin Kershner, DP: Peter Suschitzky)

Return of the Jedi (1983, dir by Richard Marquand, DP: Alan Hume and Alec Mills)

Rogue One (2016, dir by Gareth Edwards, DP: Greig Fraser)

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.2 “The Voodoo Mambo”

Posted on May 3, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, Micki, Ryan, and Jack get involved in voodoo!

Episode 2.2 “The Voodoo Mambo”

(Dir by Timothy Bond, originally aired on October 7th, 1988)

This episode opens with Micki and Ryan watching a street party that just happens to be taking place in front of Curious Goods. It’s a Haitian voodoo party and, judging from Micki and Ryan’s comments, it is apparently some sort of annual event that takes place wherever this show is supposed to be set.

(If Curious Goods was set in New Orleans, I could maybe buy this without giving it too much thought. But the show is filmed in Canada and, judging from the states that were specifically mentioned over the course of the first few episode, it appears that Curious Goods is meant to be located in the Northeast. How many voodoo street parties do you see in New Jersey?)

Micki and Ryan want to join the party but Jack insists that they first meet his old friend, Hedley (Joe Seneca). Hedely is a powerful voodoo priest and he has traveled to the city so that his daughter, Stacy (Rachael Crawford, who was on the first season of T & T until her character vanished), can become a priestess. Ryan is obviously attracted to Stacy but the attraction goes nowhere, which I guess is good considering that every woman who likes Ryan ends up dying in some terrible way.

Meanwhile, good-for-nothing Carl Walters (David Matheson) is in danger of losing the mansion that has been in his family’s possession ever since their days as plantation overlords. Carl finds a voodoo mask in the basement. Whenever he puts the mask on, the spirit of a voodoo priestess named Laotia (Suzanna Coy) rips out someone’s throat. Laotia wants to rip out the throats of the city’s top voodoo priests so that she can gain their powers. Carl agrees to help because part of the deal is that Carl will get what he wants as well. I’m not sure what Carl wants, though. Money, I guess. But it doesn’t matter because, of course, Laotia is really only concerned with what she wants.

This episode had some atmospheric moments, especially in the scenes featuring the big party outside of Curious Goods. There’s also some black-and-white footage of actual voodoo ceremonies that is randomly inserted throughout the episode. I assume that black-and-white footage is meant to be a flashback or something like that, though the show never really makes it all that clear. That said, this episode was a bit on the dull side. Carl and Laotia were not particularly interesting and this is the second episode this season to feature an old friend of Jack’s. (That wouldn’t be a problem, except for the fact that we’re only two episodes in.) This episode felt a bit tired, as if someone entered the production office and shouted, “I need an episode about Voodoo! You’ve got 48 hours!”

Next week, hopefully, thing will be a bit more interesting.

The Film of 2024: Lola (dir by Nicola Peltz Beckham)

Posted on May 3, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Lola (Nicola Peltz Beckham) works her days working in a convenience store and her nights dancing at a strip club. It’s not enjoyable work but she’s trying to raise money so that she can enroll her little brother, Arlo (Luke David Blumm) in a special arts school in Dallas. At present, Arlo is being homeschooled by their religious fanatic mother, Mona (Virginia Madsen). Heavy-drinking Mona throws a fit whenever she sees Arlo putting on makeup or wearing a dress but she doesn’t do a thing about the way her boyfriend (Trevor Long) leers at Lola. She’s the type who gives people doughnuts with “God” written in icing.

Lola thinks that it is a film about poor people but actually, it isn’t. Written by, directed by, and starring the daughter of billionaire Nelson Peltz, Lola is less a film about poor people and more a film about what rich people think being poor is like. As such, everyone smokes and everyone lives in either a trailer or a one-story house but the inside of those houses are perfectly lit and not the least bit cluttered. Lola may have to work two jobs and she may be hooked on cocaine but her hair and her makeup are always perfect. Lola’s homelife may not be perfect but, as all poor white girls do in movies like this, she has a super-loyal Black friend (Raven Goodwin) who doesn’t appear to have a life outside of obsessing on Lola’s problems. Lola also has a dumbass boyfriend (played by Richie Merritt, the star of White Boy Rick) who keeps her supplied with cocaine but who also gets upset when Lola says she’s not ready to lose her virginity to him.

The film follows Lola from one trauma to another. We’re supposed to sympathize with her because her life is so bad but the film itself doesn’t seem to realize that Lola is often her own worst enemy. For instance, knowing that she cannot afford to lose her job at the convenience store, she still tries to steal from the store in the most obvious way possible. When she gets caught, her boss fires her. Even when she offers to get the stolen stuff out of her locker (seriously, she put it in her locker?), her boss tells her that she’s fired. The film sets this up as if the boss is somehow being unfair but actually, he’s doing what any boss would do to an employee stealing products from his shelf. He has every right to fire her and if he didn’t, he would basically be inviting everyone else who works for him to steal from him as well. Losing the job sends Lola into a spiral of depression and desperation but again, it was her own fault so how sorry am I supposed to feel for her?

Eventually, there is a tragedy. It’s not great shock when it happens but it does lead to scene of Lola sobbing while portentous string music playing on the soundtrack. Much like everything else in the film, the music choice is so obvious and heavy-handed that it’s more like to inspire a chuckle than a tear. The right to portentous string music is something that a movie has to earn. Requiem For A Dream earned Lux Aeterna. Lola is no Requiem For A Dream.

Instead, Lola has more in common with Ryan Gosling’s directorial debut, Lost River. Both Lola and Lost River are films about poverty that try way too hard to be profound. The difference is that Lola lacks the spark of madness that made Lost River interesting, albeit incoherent. That said, I do think that Nicole Peltz Beckham does have some talent as a director. There are a few impressive shots to be found in Lola, even if Beckham doesn’t really seem to yet understand how to use them to tell a compelling story. But with some experience and a script written by someone other than herself, Nicole Peltz Beckham seems like she has the potential to be a worthwhile director.