This short was really well done. It had some scary moments and great comedy. This filmmaker has some real talent.
A woman gets a cursed painting from an old woman and the painting houses an evil spirit who likes to mock the main character. I highly recommend this short. It is so rare to be able to do this genre well that I’m going to see their other work. This is a must see!
I actually thought that I reviewed “Backrooms” already, but I had not. However, since it is October, it’s a perfect time to review this …. story. The fanbase is Star Wars-level obsessive and just because I don’t particularly care for something, it doesn’t mean it’s terrible- it usually does, but maybe this time is different. I can’t be correct – all the time…. or can I?
This film started as a 4chan post that went viral and the writer/director Kane Parsons built his life around this 4chan post. Then, he went all found footage on its ass. From the age of sixteen to twenty, his entire life was devoted to this magical world that looks a lot like a cubicle farm without the cubicles. The backrooms is a place where you expect to see sad data entry professionals working in sweatshop conditions. Maybe the backrooms is really just a front for an H1-B scam? Whenever a person enters the backrooms, all the workers are gone; so, maybe they used the backrooms as a means to move around their illegal data entry group and things got out of hand, creating a H1-B multiverse?
The film’s quantum mechanics are very intricate, but the movie itself has a very thin plot like saran wrap thin. Backrooms is 95% lore and the plot exists just to have more scenes wandering around the backrooms. Clark is the vehicle we use to get into the backrooms; he is the protagonist – sort of. He is an abusive alcoholic and failed architect who likely killed his wife. He also runs a furniture store and has employees who hate him, but that’s pretty normal for Clark because Clark is an asshat. In fact, his asshattery is so well-developed that even his therapist thinks he’s a boring jerk.
During one of his self-loathing sessions, Clark goes to his store’s basement and tries to do some electricity maintenance and he falls through a portal in his wall to …. wait for it…the backrooms! They basically look like the same room that he was in, but crappier and there are infinite backroom dimensions and quasi-fake people who you can eat- if you want. Apparently, it is okay to go Dahmer on these freaky people because they are “still lifes” – copies of copies of the earth prime people- I think.
He tells his therapist about the backrooms and she checks them out and nearly dies. I would have avoided this adventure and I would’ve been just fine. Clark, unlike me, becomes obsessed with the backrooms, gets his employees to explore them with him, and all the employees die because of a monster or because Clark eats them. Yes, Clark is a quasi-cannibal or a full-on cannibal or he is long pig curious. Don’t worry, Clark is stopped because he gets eaten by a paper mache version of himself. I always knew that arts and crafts were the devil’s workshop.
You could say that the backrooms are a Clark eat Clark world….
If you want to understand the backrooms, be prepared to have A LOT of homework like D&D dungeon master levels of homework!
Ethan, the creator, never makes title cards and I find that… just ughhhhh, but the films are kinda … okay. I am reviewing this short because it was his most watched and he deserves to be judged by his best work; so, here we go!
This is NOT good, but people liked it; in fact, 500,000 people liked it. I want them to know that I am VERY disappointed in them and they will just have to live with that!
The short is voice over with AI Cthulhus that have taken over the Earth because we sent out messages into space to find us. Really, that is the whole film.
We don’t deserve nice things!
I know that AI films aren’t for everyone, but I’m convinced now that they are the future. To my actor, writer, director, and producer friends, you need to get on board or be left behind. Yes, they are aggressively mediocre today, but they didn’t even exist three years ago. Three years from now, there will be feature films written and self-distributed in a weekend. AI film is evolving and will soon surpass current film. The difference between the films I reviewed last year to this year is a quantum leap.
“Don’t Go to Wolf 1069” is actually pretty good. It has a beginning, middle, and an end. It has a clear story with distinct characters and, most importantly, suspense. Worth noting, Wolf 1069 is an actual star that likely has an planet in the habitable zone. Also, I actually cared that the protagonists were in peril- that is new for an AI film.
“Don’t Go to Wolf 1069” has an “Alien” vibe. It’s a group of surveyors going to an alien planet to find minerals for corporations to exploit and they discover murderous creatures. Okay, that is the exact plot of “Alien”, but this is a little different because the aliens are …. wait for it…. HUMANS… sorta. I give credit to the writer because using an actual star and planet helps anchor the story with some realism. The film is flawed- the characters don’t use each others names enough and there isn’t a lot of character development, but that could be resolved if it were a feature length film. The leader, Xu, is the only character with a clear personality and the only other memorable character who has a personality, in that he is horny and English, goes missing almost immediately.
Back to the plot. the group goes around the alien planet and finds evidence of cities, roads, and worship sites. They get separated and the remaining crew investigate the ruins, but discover that the bones are human-lite. They are, in fact, Neanderthals’ who we are to believe 1) ate us (not true), 2) were more advanced (unlikely), and 3) fled earth ages ago using their awesome spaceships (really?). The crew searches for their lost horny comrade and finds him – well, what’s left of him. His flesh was ripped from his bones and the remains were crucified; so, that’s bad. Therefore, the crew decides to flee for their lives and hopefully not lead the Neanderthals’ back to Earth.
With some work, this could be a feature length film. Producers need to figure out how to co-opt this creativity or they will be obsolete.
He didn’t make a title card; so, I don’t have to either! Take that, Ethan! This is your run of the mill interstellar space craft crashes on an unknown alien planet and they wander around and get eaten.
Have none of these people ever gone hiking? There is dangerous stuff right here on planet Earth that should make you wary!
If you are ever on a space craft that crashes and you see bizarre abandoned stuff everywhere, don’t investigate like you’re in an 80s horror movie.
Well, at least, Cthulhu wasn’t woken up by Antarctic explorers. I went to Antarctica, but when you’ve seen one abandoned city of madness, you’ve seen them all!
This short has dumbass explorers too, but they are scuba divers; so, that’s new. I wouldn’t describe this short as good, but it something that was made.
The divers discover elder gods and the residents of a coastal town head into the sea to be its food. If you’re looking for more of a plot, you won’t get it. I just wish that this film didn’t take itself so seriously; it even had some black and white shots. UGHHHH. Check it out or don’t…I’m not a cop.
Last year, I reviewed A LOT of AI horror films and yes…most were terrible. It is sad that these films exist and someone spend time making them. However, there are some that are not the worst.
“They Have Awakened” by Ethan is a super short film on Antarctic explorers who find a cave that is just chock full of Cthulhu…Cthulhus(?)…Cthulhossiers(?). Cthulhossiers are like other Cthulhus, but they’re mostly into college hoops.
The explorer team finding Cthulhus is essentially a sub-genre; the stories are always the same, BUT some times the rendering is slightly better. I am actually tired of explorers continuing to unleash Cthulhus- can’t they be like the other Antarctic scientists that I’ve met and just turn to alcoholism and amphetamines?
The film is aggressively mediocre, but it’s only 4 minutes and change; so, have an oat-forward pancake and spend four minutes watching.
Happy Horrorthon.
This movie should be called- Thank Goodness, my friends are all dead!
I don’t always hope for the death of comrades, but when I do I drink… well, it’s Pellegrino…
“The Devil’s Mouth” is a movie that looks more expensive that it is and that is actually a signature of the producer/director Jeff Wadlow. He budgets his films to have nothing left at the end; so, it looks like a studio film, but it was only 3.5MM.
If you’re trying become a filmmaker on a budget, watch an interview with Jeff Wadlow below.
This was a great way to begin my Horrorthon because I got to start it with Lisa. My regular readers know that Horrorthon films are a mixed bag, AT BEST. There are movies that don’t take themselves seriously and just have fun, there are short films that are masterworks, and there are Alex Magana films that strain my belief in humanity’s ability for redemption.
“The Devil’s Mouth” takes place in Thailand and Sara McKenna (Kathryn Newton) is on an caving trip with her MANY toxic friends. Five minutes into the film and the friends are all snorkeling; unfortunately, Sara decides to snorkel too, but her terrible friends mix themselves up and boat off and leave her behind “47 Meters Down” style. Then, she gets attacked by jellyfish and gets actual wounds. Her most toxic friend Max (Lana Condor) doesn’t even apologize. Max’s main personality trait is that she bosses people around the whole movie (badly) and gets most of the group killed.
Sara needs a tough love friend or dad to say, “Look, you’re comin home or I’ll meet you there. Leave that trash behind!”
Also, why are these 20 somethings going caving in the first place and not wanting to just drink and sleep around…ON LAND?! You’re in Thailand! You all should be trying create some souped up version of HPV.
Sara and her terrible friends go to this cave system that was flooded with salt water and it looks super creepy and Max demands the group ignore the guide and go in the evil cave system. It is really amazing that Max and her friends have lived as long as they have. They can barely swim, they have claustrophobia, relationship issues, and Max, the toxic garbage person, leading them.
Because the cave was flooded with salt water, bull sharks have come into the cave system and start eating them all. Unfortunately, Max stubbornly continues to live until the final 15 minutes. Sara valiantly fights off sharks and risks her life to try to keep the body count down, but the sharks just want it more!
I highly recommend watching this film!
There is cocaine. There are shark movies. There are shark movies that appear to be written whilst on cocaine. Maybe the writer is a straight up teetotaler; in which case, he has no excuse for what he brought forth. Alex Magana is horrible, but you get what you signed up for: smiling woman- there’s a smiling woman. His movies are terrible, but they deliver- terrible terrible stories. Lone Star Shark was like watching a big box store of jumbled ideas with Great Value props.
This movie clocked at 65 minutes and had the following plot threads: relationship on the skids, mental illness, sibling suicide, computer hackers, random parable quoting evil people in suits, a ghost, repeated discussions of couples weekend day trip planning, and a paper mâché shark. There was nothing to indicate that there were even in Texas; so, that was not one of the many many plot threads. It also took near a third of their 65 minute runtime to get on the water. The water was a pond- a small pond. For some reason, they were docked on shore and you could see that from the camera angle, but they kept shouting how they had to swim across the “lake”. Why? Just get out and walk home. It’s not like the paper mâché shark that was basically a poorly made pinata (credit to Lisa for seeing that) could’ve followed them home.
I guess that I will stick to the shark plotline because the others were just a mess. There’s a paper mâché pinata shark in a pond that has a really hard time eating people. I think that the time on the water was – at most – 40 minutes. The movie had no idea what it was and the shark was really an add-on the many story lines that were like a bowl of mixed up spaghetti. There’s not a lot to say about this strange movie.
It’s not quite shark week, but we’re still all in on sharks eating people here at TTSL. I watched this shark v people movie with Lisa and it was pretty fun. It did have a touch of environmentalist gobbledygook, but it was brief enough to ignore. My advice to anyone doing a shark film is to stick to reality: sharks. You don’t need to bring in vampires, werewolves, or climate change to raise the stakes.
There is a category five hurricane that hits a South Carolina town, it breaks the seawall, the town is taken by the sea, and sharks come in to eat everyone. There were some decent tropes to keep the popcorn popping: abusive foster parents, redneck foster kids, a pregnant woman who gives birth, an annoying anxiety-ridden lady who stares at things through the movie and rises mostly to the occasion, and a wise sailor/marine biologist who actually saves the day.
The mean foster parents and some good Samaritans become shark food, but that was about it. I was happy to see the foster parents die, but one of the foster parents was straight up murdered by the foster kids, which made the foster kids less sympathetic to me. Yes, foster dad was a horrible jerk, but there was no reflection on the fact that they killed him. You would’ve thought the abusive foster parent would’ve been well thought of by the director and writer because he was a state subsidized parent. I thought government intervention was supposed to make everything better?
My three big critiques is that there were not enough deaths, some scenes were too bright, and the protagonist did not get to save the day. “Thrash” was low on the body count; it made me wonder if they ran out of money or had to donate half of their money to an NGO. Did it have to be “Sharknado” levels of shark chomping? No, but I think that there were only five deaths in this film and that’s a little light.
The other critique is the lighting; typically, Netflix films are really dark and I don’t mean mood; it’s actually difficult to see. “Thrash” went the other direction and there was clear sunlight in a number of scenes that were supposed to be at night. The director had an environmentalist streak; so, maybe it was purposeful to lower a carbon footprint and use daylight to film? I do not have a good answer because it took me out of the story.
Finally, the anxiety-ridden star, whom I will call Anxious Girl, was more annoying than inspiring. Also the film ended where the Anxious Girl and the pregnant woman needed to be rescued by Anxious Girl’s uncle. I don’t think the writer understood that this was a failure. The Anxious Girl faced her fears and should’ve saved the day, but it was her Uncle, a minor character, who had to save the protagonist and pregnant woman. Was the Anxious Girl annoying? Sure, but she grew as a character and by taking away her chance at true heroism, it made the victory hollow and deflated.
Is the film worth watching? Sure. Like a tinder date missing a left-arm, “Thrash” was all right.
