There is cocaine. There are shark movies. There are shark movies that appear to be written whilst on cocaine. Maybe the writer is a straight up teetotaler; in which case, he has no excuse for what he brought forth. Alex Magana is horrible, but you get what you signed up for: smiling woman- there’s a smiling woman. His movies are terrible, but they deliver- terrible terrible stories. Lone Star Shark was like watching a big box store of jumbled ideas with Great Value props.

This movie clocked at 65 minutes and had the following plot threads: relationship on the skids, mental illness, sibling suicide, computer hackers, random parable quoting evil people in suits, a ghost, repeated discussions of couples weekend day trip planning, and a paper mâché shark. There was nothing to indicate that there were even in Texas; so, that was not one of the many many plot threads. It also took near a third of their 65 minute runtime to get on the water. The water was a pond- a small pond. For some reason, they were docked on shore and you could see that from the camera angle, but they kept shouting how they had to swim across the “lake”. Why? Just get out and walk home. It’s not like the paper mâché shark that was basically a poorly made pinata (credit to Lisa for seeing that) could’ve followed them home.

I guess that I will stick to the shark plotline because the others were just a mess. There’s a paper mâché pinata shark in a pond that has a really hard time eating people. I think that the time on the water was – at most – 40 minutes. The movie had no idea what it was and the shark was really an add-on the many story lines that were like a bowl of mixed up spaghetti. There’s not a lot to say about this strange movie.