Creepshow, S1 Ep2,Bad Wolf Down/The Finger, Review by Case Wright, Spoilers, but worth it!

Posted on October 10, 2019 by casewright

Happy Halloween Havoc!!!! Is it enough for horror to just be fun and even funny? YES! American Werewolf in London or anything by John Landis really proves that. Creepshow on Shudder is all about just sitting back and having some gory fun. This show is so wonderfully over the top that the 90s have returned. Let’s all put away our black turtle necks and put on some Hammerpants and watch some great horror.

Bad Wolf Down is a werewolves in World War II story…Really! It was a lot of fun. Then, when I saw Jeffrey Combs (Re-Animator) playing a Nazi, I realized this show is THE AWESOMENESS! An american platoon gets trapped behind enemy lines and takes refuge in an abandoned police station. They find a woman in the jail who is a french werewolf. This seems relevant because they really spend a lot of time translating.

The Head Nazi (Jeffrey Combs) finds the american platoon and will wipe them out, but the platoon gets the french werewolf to turn them into werewolves and they go and kill a bunch of Nazis. That’s it…Really!

The Finger is your lonely guy adopts a self-regenerating-human-eating-Alien story. I know…I know .. another one?! Clark Wilson (DJ Qualls) is a twice divorced down and out guy who has nothing going for him- until he finds a finger. The finger looks alien and when he spills beer on it, it re-generates into a medium-sized alien and becomes his pet. He calls the alien Bob. Bob becomes Clark’s best friend and as any best friend would do, Bob eats all of Clark’s enemies. He also brings back body parts from the kill like my old cat did. Sidenote: I had a cat who used to bring me squirrel heads. He’d line them on my porch. Bob is like that. The police eventually arrest Clark for the murders, but Bob might break him out.

The finger is told by Clark in real-time narration, which really adds to the comedy. He looks dead into the camera, talking directly to us. Also, it’s especially fun watching DJ Qualls hang out with a bro-alien- Brolien. If you wanna chill, watch this!!!!

Jerusalem’s Lot, Book Review, By Case Wright

Posted on October 9, 2019 by casewright

Jerusalem’s Lot is a short story by Stephen King that is a prequel to Salem’s Lot. Salem Lot was reviewed by Lisa! Lisa’s Salem Lot Review is Right Here! REALLY! I want to make another thing clear: I didn’t read the story this time. I listened to the Audiobook … again. The performance is by John Glover and it’s really like a radio show. John brings it! It’s a one-man-show with different voices and gravitas. John Glover is truly a national treasure!!!

The story takes place in Jerusalem’s Lot, Maine in 1850 and is told as a series of journal entries by Charles Boone and few by Boone’s manservant/pal Calvin McCann. Boone inherits his ancestral home in Chapelwaite, Maine just two miles from the eponymous Jerusalem’s Lot. After he moves in, he starts to hear what he believes are large rats crawling in the walls. It turns out they’re not rats, but ghosts of the damned! The longer that Boone is in the house, the stronger the ghosts become. People acting as a doorway to evil is common in Stephen King’s early works. In “The Shining”, Danny Torrence’s ESP abilities acted as a battery that charged up the ghosts of the Overlook Hotel so that they could interface with our reality. It was weird that the ghosts wanted to kill Danny; they surmised that his death would give them permanent entry into our world; so, why kill Danny? Wouldn’t Danny’s Death remove the energy production?

As Charles stays, the Ghosts leave him and Calvin maps and notes guiding them to the nearby town of Jerusalem’s Lot. It is revealed that Jerusalem’s Lot was a town founded by Charles’ distant ancestor John Boone who became a devil worshiping sex pervert. I used to visit Maine a lot in my younger days and sure there isn’t always a lot to do, but who knew that these Maine residents were only a missed Red Sox game away from creating an inbred demonic sex cult?! Sex cults are in now check out Lisa’s NXIVM Lifetime movie HERE!

John’s demonic sex cult set out to manifest a gigantic intergalactic demon worm to the Jerusalem Lot Chapel by reading from an evil book called “Mysteries of the Worm” by Nicolas Sparks, then have red punch, and Bundt cake. They were apparently successful because the town is deserted. Boone discovers that Boone’s descendants act as a doorway for the inbred demonic sex cult to return because blood calls to blood! Bwhahaha. You can inherit the evil deeds of your ancestors. Oh well, as an Italian, Sorry Celts… Whoopsie.

Charles sets out to destroy the book because he doesn’t want the world to end or have a “Notebook” sequel in circulation. Does Boone save the day? Buy the audiobook!

Night Shift as a whole is a brilliant collection of short stories from a time when Stephen King had just been able to support himself and his family with his writing. His stories are leaner and heavily edited, making them a lot of fun to read because there’s no extraneous elements. I will likely review many more short stories from this book and this period because they are some of his best work. Happy Horrorthon!

My Favorite Thing Is Monsters, Book Review by Case Wright

Posted on October 8, 2019 by casewright

Happy Horrorthon! Have you ever read something so dark you felt unclean? My Favorite Thing is Monsters gave me that feeling. The reason I felt unclean is because the situations appeared to be based upon real events in Chicago in 1968 and earlier in Europe. Apparently, everyone in Uptown Chicago in the 1960s and in Germany from the 1920s-1940s was just a terrible person who preyed upon the weak, put their own needs first, and made foolish decisions.

Am I being harsh? No….No, I’m not. When a person can question you, “Didn’t the child being sold into prostitution plot sicken you?” and you have to respond, “Which time?” you wonder why this was written at all? Was Emil Ferris’ having an iced tea one summer and thought, “Hmmmm the world seems like it’s missing something….I got it! … the world is missing a murder mystery that revolves around terrible people who actually deserve to be dead.” By the last few pages, I was rooting for Chicago to be hit be a meteor- it’s the only way to be sure. I know … I know… but Case, so many people liked this book… how dare you buck the literary zeitgeist?! I write… tough! This book is beautifully illustrated, but straight up gross and a pain to read.

The central focus of the story is solving the murder of Anka who has a mysterious and dark past … and when I write Dark Past… I mean the absolutely worst life ever. Anka is the ONLY Holocaust survivor who is not sympathetic! Why?! Because in order to escape the Holocaust, she made a deal with a Nazi pederast to take 6 young children from the camp and force them into child prostitution and be raped by Anka’s Nazi pederast benefactor and other Nazis for the rest of their lives. Yes, that happened! This book was recommended by a parent whose daughter was friends with my daughter and she “loved it, it’s my favorite book”… ok, I’m never speaking with her again!

The plot begins with Anka’s body found in her apartment, shot in the chest, and with no forced entry. Karen Reyes, the ten-year-old main character, does not believe the police’s determination that it was a suicide. Therefore, Karen dons a trench coat and detective hat and gets on the case. By gets on the case, I mean Karen goes on a meandering journey of self-discovery and repeatedly ignores the two most obvious suspects: Anka’s jealous husband and her brother who is a part-time tattoo artist, murderer, who bedded Anka who was married (I should note: the brother bedded Anka while she was alive because this book would go there if it could and probably will in the sequel), and quasi-philosopher.

The book does have a redeeming feature: the art is beautiful, which is maybe a symbolic statement about the world itself; the world is beautiful, but the monsters (people) are the ones who make it ugly.

Karen sees the entire world through art and monsters and draws herself as a short werewolf in the story. She finds out more information about Anka – She was born in Germany shortly after WWI. Her mother sold her into child prostitution twice and Anka garnered a pederast benefactor Schultz who is described above.

Germany is described much like Chicago, an evil place filled with predators, who seek to dominate and murder for their lusts. My big complaint is that this behavior is never really judged harshly by the author; it’s matter of fact and without contempt.

Back in Chicago, her brother Deez would use his tattoos as a form of ownership over his female conquests. The most relevant conquest was Anka, who was extremely mentally ill by the time she moved to Chicago, but that didn’t stop Deez. He also liked to tattoo her back after he would take advantage of her sexually. It was beyond disturbing. Later, in the story, their mother gets cancer and needs medical care. Deez gets drafted, but doesn’t go. You’d think he would accept the draft because it would give his family greater stability, nope; instead, Deez continues down the road of hedonism and violence. Then, I truly despise him.

The characters who are decent human beings are subjected to constant degradation, humiliation, and physical violence. The best thing about this book was that it ended. You don’t even find out who killed Anka for sure at the end of the book because apparently there is a hunger for a sequel for this. Maybe we should keep track of the fans of the people who enjoyed this book- light monitoring only. Who am I kidding?! ROUND THE CLOCK SURVEILLANCE!

Constantine, Review by Case Wright

Posted on October 7, 2019 by casewright

Can one act stain your soul for all eternity? It turns out that if you attempt suicide, you’re going to Hell. Anywho, Constantine was a comic by Alan Moore (Watchmen) long before Keanu Reeves played the demon fighter. Full disclosure, I have purchased, but not read the comic. It’s long and I’m not sure if I can get through it for this horrorthon, but I WILL TRY!

Constantine was born with a “gift” that he could see demons among us. This drives him out of his mind; so, he commits suicide and is sent promptly to Hell. He’s tormented for what seems like an eternity, but in our time was just two minutes. He returns to Earth because paramedics revive him. Because he attempted to kill himself, he’s condemned to Hell when he dies. How do I know this?The “Half-Angel” Gabriel tells it to us in really clunky exposition. It turns out that Heaven and Hell are basically in a Cold War and can’t directly fight on Earth.

Constantine REALLY doesn’t want to go back to Hell. His solution is to fight demons for a living to get into heaven. He does an exorcism here and there and fights evil, but this isn’t his ticket back to heaven- as I was told by MORE exposition. Constantine is kind of a depressive and a little whiny at times. I guess that’s why I kept getting annoyed by him. Yeah, Yeah, your life sucks, but there’s no reason to do this all the time:

There’s a lot of these “I’m so broody Boohoo” moments in this film.

Like this one: broody 3.jpg

This one was a long trip to bummer time with a soupçon of anger:

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Between the complaining, Constantine uncovers a plot that Lucifer’s son Mammon is trying to break into earth and cause a lot of trouble. Trouble….Trouble….that starts with M …. and ends with N, which stands for Mammon!

Constantine was entertaining, but it seems kinda all over the place at times. The parts that had him hot on the trail of Mammon and his evil plans were fun, but all the side plots and side characters were a mixture of goofy and dull. Overall, it was a good burgers and fries flick. Not to say that the comics or the cartoon (yep, there’s a cartoon, I know because of Google) aren’t awesome, but if they are the same quality as the movie, they are beach reads or I’m stuck on public transportation reading. There might be sequel. Will I watch it? Yes, because despite my snark, I’m basically 14.

Two Sentence Horror Stories, Series Review By Case Wright (Dir/Created by Vera Miao) – The New Coke of Horror

Posted on October 6, 2019 by casewright

Happy Horrorthon! Being lectured to by Two Sentence Horror Stories is as fun as going to an office meeting, at 4 pm, on Friday, December 24th, there are 102 slides, and you have to pee. In short, I watched this so you don’t have to. It’s really been awhile since I watched something so mediocre that it only excelled at being hamfisted trash.

I’ve written many times that horror and science fiction can be great at making political points and raising awareness: Twilight Zone wove great stories with salient issues to America’s living rooms, Night of the Living Dead looked civil rights right in the eye, and Friday the 13th exposed how hockey goalies had taken over the Summer Camp industry.

What do all of the above have in common that Two Sentence Horror Stories does not? They were entertaining and good stories first. I get that some people are angry, but that is no excuse for making terrible television. You have an opportunity to use great stories and subtlety to express yourself and CHANGE people’s minds, but if all you have is a political statement and a boring story- you devolve into lecture and people tune out. The point of using political messages in Horror is BECAUSE your goal is to get through to the other half of the country who disagrees with you.

The greatest example of horror with a message is Night of the Living Dead. Wes Craven discussed Night of The Living Dead and “At the end you realized [George Romero] made a political statement.” AT….THE….END!!!

People have their views. People have views that are different. People have views that are straight up wrong. Now, we are totally and openly polarized so getting people to see your point of view takes the MOST care and effort. It is not the time for hamfisted mediocrity. It’s the time for brilliance!

Two Sentence Horror Stories starts with the social evil right out of the gate and hammers us endlessly with their point of view. Every single episode has the worst mixture of terrible dialogue, confusing plot points, and amateurish camera shots. In essence, it is a failure and shouldn’t even be watched on the elliptical.

Two Sentence Horror Stories- begins with the first sentence of a horror cliche’. Then, you see someone beleaguered by a social evil. No one supports them until it’s almost too late. Then, the social evil is easily smacked in the face. The second sentence of the horror cliche’ appears. Lastly, we get a take home assignment and have to watch Ken Burns’ lesser known works.

The show puts the dilemma right in your face without nuance. I agree with the social message, but it’s as subtle as a brick to the face and the messages in this show aren’t even ground breaking.

They build the story around the message instead of the message around the story. You need to entertain first, get the audience to identify with your protagonist, and then get us to think. This is never done. Lastly, the messages they’re spoon-feeding us aren’t even new ideas and everyone is on board with these ideas. Therefore, the show fails to even break new ground when it’s haranguing us. It’s like they’re shouting at the Mayo Clinic to stop using leeches.

In summary, this show is boring, not scary, and preachy about issues that no one is disputing! Maybe, next week’s episode will be on how we all have to start drinking water and stop drinking bleach.

“In The Tall Grass” Review by Case Wright

Posted on October 5, 2019 by casewright

Happy Horrorthon! With all the streaming services that I review, you’d think one of them would comp me for a month! Feel bad for me… What do you get when you mix: Religious ferver, sacrifice, cannabalism, a soon to be baby daddy, a really skinny dirty kid/oracle, a dog, alien influenced grass, and A LOT of REALLY stupid choices? Yep, you get “In the Tall Grass”. This sounds really convoluted, but the tall grass is just that, but it’s also evil or controlled by an alien spaceship. I’m guessing spaceship. The story is basically Tommyknockers, but without any inventions and far less math.

Let me explain, Becky is unmarried, pregnant by a musician of sorts, and on her way to give up her baby to a family in San Diego. Cal, her brother, is driving her cross country to do it. Why are they driving and not flying? I don’t really know because the adoptive family would’ve definitely paid for a flight, but the adoptive parents make remote bad choices like everyone else in this story. Let’s call this Bad Decision #1. They decide to stop and they hear a boy yelling for help who is purportedly lost in the tall grass and needs emergency services. Becky and Cal do not have EMS training, supplies, or even a compass- so they decide to enter the tall grass because they are stupid..really. This is Bad Decision #2. Really what did they think that they would do other than get lost? They didn’t even think to call the police first! The police by the way would’ve said DON’T GO IN THE GRASS or pay a lot for that muffler. The two of them rapidly realize that they are lost and not really in normal grass.

Later, the soon to be Baby Daddy- Travis- shows up at the cornfield. He finds his girlfriend’s abandoned car. It’s been there a while. Does he call the police? Nope. Now, I get some folks want to be their own first-responder and that’s respectable if you are basically competent. Travis is not call police – Bad Decision #3. Travis then decides to also trounce around in the grass …. and gets lost. Bad Decision #4.

Travis finds Tobin the boy that called Becky into the grass and he knows A LOT about everyone: Travis, Becky, Cal, and all the other people in the grass. Yes, there is another family in there, BUT the dad in the family has gone full on EVIL. That man is Ross (Patrick Wilson). Ross was a normal person until he went into the grass and touched the monolith rock at the grass maze’s center. The rock tells you to do things like how to get out of the grass, how to smash your wife’s skull – yep that happened, and whether or not Keto is just plain bullshit.

I’d like to take a second to write about Patrick Wilson’s performance. I liked it. Granted, I’m a fan of his work, but it was fun to see him play a villain. He had the phony real estate thing down and he could really turn up the rage. Also, his character was the only one not to make stupid choices.

The story shifts into a cat and mouse game of Ross hunting Becky and the rest of the people down to kill them over and over again. Over and over again? Yes, there’s a time loop created by the rock. So, you get lost in the grass a lot and killed a lot by Ross. Bummer. Their only hope is to kill Ross and stop the cycle. Will they kill Ross? Will they remain in the tall grass? Will I get up to benching 315Lbs (142 Kg)?

Is this movie worth watching? Well…the constant bad decisions really make it hard to sympathize with the characters. I feel like the grass could’ve been more choosy or maybe the grass is a rescuer alien entity likes chaos like ALL of my ex-girlfriends. The movie also really reminded me of Cube and it turns out it was written by Vincenzo Natali – the writer and director of Cube. Well, it basically was Cube meets evil Field of Dreams. What is old is new again and again and again…wait I just wondered into some grass. No…wait, it’s just the kitchen. Do you want anything as long as I’m up?

For all you Stephen King nerds there were some Easter eggs In The Tall Grass, See Below:

Creepshow, S1 Ep 1, “Gray Matter” “The House of the Head” Review by Case Wright

Posted on October 4, 2019 by casewright

Creepshow

Happy Horrorthon! We are in the thick of it and it is AWESOME! Yes, I got another streaming subscription service, but I draw the line at Disney and CBS because they’re boring. In 1982, Creepshow was a film written, produced, and directed by horror masters, including Stephen King. The stories were an homage to the EC Horror Comics from the 1950s and 1960s. The show has become reincarnated on the Shudder streaming service and I will review all of the episodes as they are released.

What’s great about these shows (except for Two Sentence Horror, which is a steaming pile of garbage) is that they give talented people a chance to direct or write when they haven’t had the opportunity prior. Also, because Greg Nicotero (Executive Producer Of The Walking Dead and friend to everyone in horror) is helming it, the show has tremendous access to great stories by Stephen King and actors like Tobin Bell (Saw) and Giancarlo Esposito (Breaking Bad).

The two stories in the premiere were Gray Matter – a Stephen King short story from Night Shift, Directed by Greg Nicotero and The House of the Head was the second story and was Directed by John Harrison, written by Josh Malerman. The two stories and direction were completely different.

Gray Matter was what I expected: an over the top story with lots of gore that would have been totally at home in a Tales From the Crypt episode. The House of the Head, on the other hand was genuinely TERRIFYING! I had trouble watching this story because it was so intense that I really worried about the characters and the figurines- I’ll explain later.

Gray Matter is about a son who’s trying to live with his alcoholic single dad. Everyday the Dad promises to stop drinking and everyday it ends with both of them disappointed.

One day, the father drinks some tainted beer and turns into a slime monster with a craving for beer and people. The son who enabled his father’s drinking now enables his father’s thirst for human flesh.

This enabling dooms mankind. In essence, the disease of alcoholism consumed the alcoholic and destroyed everyone around him. Sounds about right.

At this time in the 1980s, Stephen King was in the worst period of his cocaine and alcohol addiction and many of his stories revolve around the enabling and tragedy that followed his disease. In an interview, he described how he put cotton balls up his nose from the frequent bleeds and he kept a sugar bowl filled with cocaine next to him while he wrote.

The symbolism in the episode was not that obvious; it was much into dramatic performances and gore. The monster was a classic Tom Savini art work.

The House of the Head was amazingly unexpected. It was tense, subtle, and had you on the edge of your seat for the entire episode. Evie, the central protagonist in The House of the Head, is a nine year old girl whose father got her a dollhouse. Screenshot (98).png

The dollhouse is adorable with cute figurine parents and a child.

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Unfortunately, the dollhouse is also haunted by a severed head!!!! Yikes!

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The writing and direction ramps up the tension as we see that reality is being blurred by this supernatural entity. The figurines in the dollhouse get terrorized and murdered by the severed head. It’s real nightmare fuel.

The suspense/thriller writing and directing was also unexpected. I thought it was going to be a Tales From the Crypt style story; instead John Harrison (Dir) and Josh Malerman (Writer) relentlessly pull the viewer into the haunted dollhouse where every shot is filled with uncertainty and terror.

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The dollhouse itself becomes a character and the viewer is forced to wonder if our protagonist and her parents are in fact figurines themselves with shots like this.

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The parents are laying in an doll-like manner and the furniture also looks like a dollhouse’s accessories. Is the Head pulling them into a dollhouse world? Is it pushing its way into our reality? Much like the episode itself, you never really know. Every time Evie looks from one room to another, the camera pans back and the figurines have changed and it’s rarely good.

This show was a lot of fun and it’s great to see a horror anthology story done well!

It’s not really enough to recommend this show without recommending Shudder itself. It’s not a lot of money per month and has a lot of original programming.

Joker, Book Review, By Case Wright

Posted on October 3, 2019 by casewright

Happy Horrorthon! 2008 – Barack Obama was becoming a household name, I still had some hair, and Heath Ledger’s Joker brought the absolute evil of clowns to the silver screen. I understand that some of you might think that the comic Joker is not a horror comic, but guys it’s got a clown right there on the cover; they are ALL trying to kill you. IT COUNTS!

Brian Azzarello and Lee Bermejo sought to bring Ledger’s Joker into a comic form and dig a little deeper into the psychology of Joker and why someone would follow him. The story is narrated by Jonny Frost – a small time gangster- who wanted to be big. Jonny figures that he himself is not larger than life, but by being near bright evil, he too could shine like the moon does with the earth. He picks the Joker.

Christopher Nolan described the Joker as an absolute. He is an id of Corruption and destruction. In this story, the Joker has gotten out of Arkham….again. SIDE NOTE: what’s with Gotham?! They must have the single party liberal governing that we have in Seattle because you’d think they’d have a Three Strikes Rule or the Death Penalty by now. I mean, why let the Joker continue to keep breathing? I get how Batman has this weird code- he wears rubber, cape, lives in a cave, and is all kinds of weirdo, but why do the rest of Gotham’s citizens have it? Do they not vote? Do they have only one ballot choice? So, the Joker meets Jonny Frost the second that he leaves Arkham and Jonny works as a toady and hanger on for the majority of the book.

Jonny narrates the Joker’s return to power as he reaps through the underworld, but he burns most of his possessions down and kills all of his own henchmen and even shoots Jonny at the end. Really, the story depicted the Joker as a force of Anti-Creation. While it was a deeper dive into this Super Villain, it left me wanting because it was told through the lens of this mediocrity Jonny Frost. It says Joker right there on the cover so you’d think it would be all about the Clown Prince of Crime, but instead it was this tangential view of him. I would’ve been more captivated by a story just about the Joker without a go-between.

The story was strong and depicting LOTS AND LOTS of gore. In fact, the Joker kills more people than the Spanish Flu. He’s Lucifer and Death combined to cause havoc. In the end, we get the obvious conclusion that he’s just this disease of evil and that Batman is really just a treatment, but not a cure. It seems that Gotham’s real disease is a soft on crime public policy.

N. By Stephen King; Review By Case Wright

Posted on October 2, 2019 by casewright

kingsnhere

What if you’re not crazy? What if you’re finally seeing the truth that everyone else is too afraid to see? Is the revelation too much for your mind? Could your mind be both the doorway to hell and the gate keeping the evil old ones at bay? Most importantly, can a person’s mental illness infect another person? Stephen King’s “N” is a hybrid of Lovecraft and Modern Psychology where we are forced to learn the answers to these questions.

The story was both a novella and adapted as a comic book/olde-timey radio-show. Confused? Let me explain. N was first published as a novella, but instead of getting made into a comic book or as is typical of King’s work- a movie or miniseries, it became something else. Marc Guggenheim adapted the work as an all dialogue webseries similar to the serials of the 1930s and 40s and presented the story as a series of hyper-detailed comic illustrations. You can see it in its entirety below.

I have also read the novella several times. Honestly, sometimes I’m not sure why I like a particular Stephen King story more than another, but it seems to be when the characters are so real that they could be you or your neighbor. Yes, the monsters are spooky, but it’s the people, their story, their lives, who just happen to have to also deal with a monster or four.

The story begins with Sheila Bonsaint who is in mourning from her brother’s suicide. She is calling her friend who is reminiscent of Anderson Cooper to look into why her brother John killed himself. She believes it’s because of his contact with a patient named N. The story shifts to John’s perspective describing a patient N who suffers from extreme OCD. N believes his OCD rituals keep the portals between our world and the hell world closed.

N describes how he encountered a field with rocks similar to Stonehenge in Maine and that by viewing the structure, he caused the structure to activate and potentially release an ancient evil that will consume mankind. He begins to do OCD rituals to keep the portal closed, but realizes that he must sacrifice his life in order to shut the gate forever. Unfortunately, John becomes infected by N’s mental disorder and becomes overcome with the need to investigate the structure, which activates it again and causes him to spiral into the same OCD as N.

This story struck a very strong chord with me. Last year, I began to take a long road into facing my own PTSD experiences in the Army. When I would tell the medical professionals in the VA about what happened, one cried. My stories had infected them and left them different afterwards. The world was less clean, less safe, and much darker. Now, like N, if I have to tell a person the stories, I begin by saying that I am sorry because what I will tell you, will change you. I suppose that is what humanity does; we share our burdens and our curses. Maybe that’s how we keep the gate to hell closed?

Sorority Row, Review By Case Wright

Posted on October 1, 2019 by casewright

Horror can make a political statement, it can make you reflect on your status in society, or it can just entertain. The first two types are good, but it’s also nice to just have fun! “Sorority Row” written by Josh Stolberg & Peter Goldfinger and directed by Stewart Hendler is a 1990s throwback. It had a real “I Know What You Did Last Summer” feel to it. Honestly, the reviews are not fair to this film. A lot of people want horror to be all things, but it’s supposed to be fun too. So, just relax and have a good time. Also, it doubled its money, which is what a movie is supposed to do- especially horror. It’s one of the few genres left that can produced by mere mortals.

What I liked mostly about the film was the writing. It had a lot of great humor without it being campy. I’ve gotten to know Josh Stolberg on twitter the script has quite a bit of his personality: clever and quick-witted. I especially enjoyed Jessica (Leah Pipes). As a man who went a Greek dominated college, she was very realistic. Her character and one-liners gave the story a mix of comic relief and reality. I practiced Criminal Law for waaaaay too long and I can tell you that even honest people can turn to something wicked if they feel threatened. People will invariably choose themselves over a possible life ending punishment.

The plot is similar to the original House on Sorority Row: a prank run a muck. The girls belong to Theta Pi and they to love to party, prank, and get murdered. Garrett a brother of the Sister “Chuggs” cheated on Megan another Theta Pi, which is not okay! So, the sisters have her fake an overdose so that Garrett believes he killed Megan. The sisters: Jessica, Ellie, Cassidy, Claire, Megan, and Chugs are all in on the prank are a little too convincing because they make Garrett believe that they need to hide Megan’s body in a mine shaft or their lives will be ruined. The sisters say they have to get rid of the air in Megan’s lungs or she’ll float back up. So, Garrett takes the initiative as a true go-getter and uses a tire iron to stab Megan to death. Jessica decides very quickly that they need to hide Megan’s body for real. When Cassidy refuses to participate, they wrap the corpse in Cassidy’s coat and throw it down the mine shaft. Jessica really thinks fast on her feet.

I don’t know about you, but I think Jessica would be good marriage material. Hear me out: she’s determined, quick-thinking, has a college degree, and is ruthless to protect her goals. Also, Cassidy tried to be all above it, but as Jessica said- “you could’ve called the police, but you didn’t!” Agreed. You don’t get to benefit from something wicked and then look down on everyone else. Jessica made her choice and stuck to it. She made a good point as to protecting everyone’s future and ran with it. Cassidy kept Hamletting over her bad choices. Do it or Don’t. Jessica, don’t listen to the haters.

All seems fine a year later. They’ve all moved on except for Garrett who has become a wreck over his humiliation and accidental murdering. Then, they all receive a threatening group text on their very old timey looking phones- 2009 was just ten years ago and these phones look like museum pieces.

This technology allowed for some extra suspense because reception and tech wasn’t that great then; therefore, the characters can be cutoff from help. I really think horror shouldn’t be set any time after 2009 because it’s just too easy to get help now. This lack of tech added a nice layer of suspense. The text sender stalks and murders them one by one.

The kills were pretty clever: an electrocution, death by chardonnay, tire iron throwing, and a good ol’ fashioned stabbing or three. It also had a fun twist at the end like the 1990s horror films of my youth. I recommend this film. Read my past reviews- I don’t just recommend anything. I’m an iconoclast and can tell you that this was a lot of fun. Happy Horrorthon!