Insomnia File #49: Mystery Date (dir by Jonathan Wacks)

Posted on October 16, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable or Netflix? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!

If you were having trouble getting to sleep last night, around one in the morning, you could have turned over to the HBO Family channel and watched the 1991 comedy, Mystery Date!

A young and extremely adorable Ethan Hawke plays Tom McHugh, a college student who is in love with Geena (Teri Polo), the housesitter next door. The only problem is that Tom is extremely shy and can’t even work up the nerve to ask Genna out. It sure would help if he was rich and charming like his older brother, Craig (Brian McNamara). Eventually, Craig helps his brother out. He gives Tom his credit card and his car so that Tom can take Geena out on a date. What an nice brother! Soon, Tom and Geena are hitting the town and having a great time. They even see Gwar perform which …. well, okay. That probably would not be my ideal first date but whatever.

Unfortunately, it turns out that Craig has gotten involved with some pretty bad things and, as a result, there are two dead bodies in the trunk of the car! Uh-oh, that could be awkward. Plus, the Chinese mafia (led by B.D. Wong) are determined to kill Tom because they think that he’s Craig. And finally, to top it all off, Tom has got a crazed flower delivery guy (played by Fisher Stevens) following him all over the city. Can Tom possibly survive the night and still get a second date!?

Mystery Date starts out nicely. Ethan Hawke is cute in a non-threatening sort of way. Teri Polo is likable. They seem like they would make a cute couple. You want things to work out for them. Unfortunately, once the date actually starts, the film gets frantic without getting any funnier. It becomes a case of the film just trying too hard and you feel as if the film is demanding that you laugh as opposed to offering up a reason to laugh. You watch the film and you don’t so much think about what you’re watching as you think about films like Risky Business and Better Off Dead, both of which told similar stories with a lot more energy and imagination. You have to kind of imagine that whenever Ethan Hawke gives one of his interviews where he talks about why he’s not interested in doing typical mainstream films, this is probably the type of movie that he was talking about. Among the many other things for which we have to thank Richard Linklater, he ensured that Ethan Hawke would never have to star in Mystery Date 2.

Previous Insomnia Files:

Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: The Arrival (dir by David Twohy)

Posted on March 26, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I recorded The Arrival off of Cinemax on March 3rd. Having just watched it, I am 95% sure that it is not the same movie as the Arrival that I saw in theaters last fall.

It’s true that both films deal with the arrival of aliens and feature scenes that take place in space ships. And it’s also true that both films involve scientists trying to figure out what the aliens want. However, The Arrival that I recorded featured far more of Charlie Sheen than I remembered being in the Arrival that I saw in theaters. Amy Adams and Jeremy Renner were nowhere to be seen but Charlie Sheen was all over the freaking place.

And I mean all of Charlie Sheen. The Arrival was made back in 1996 and I guess that Charlie Sheen was still working out back then because, seriously, he is either naked or, at the very least, shirtless for the majority of the movie. What’s funny is that, with a few minor exceptions, there’s rarely a reason for him to be naked. I guess someone just said, “We might as well record Charlie Sheen looking fit and healthy while we still can…”

The Arrival is a relatively serious movie. Oh, it has moments of humor but it’s all Hollywood blockbuster humor. It’s not a comedy by any means. It’s always strange seeing Charlie Sheen in a serious role because … well, he’s Charlie Sheen. Plus, he was never a particularly good dramatic actor. He walks through The Arrival with this grim look frozen on his face and that, combined with his muscular chest, makes him look like a killer robot from the future. You keep waiting for Charlie to say, “I’ll be back.”

Of course, Charlie Sheen isn’t playing a killer robot. He’s playing Zane Zaminsky, an astronomer who works for the government. Or, at least, he did work for the government until he detected an alien signal coming from a nearby star. He’s fired and blackballed by his boss, Phil (Ron Silver). Unable to get work, Zane does what anyone would do. He and Kiki (Tony T. Johnson), the streetwise neighbor kid, set up a DIY astronomy lab in his basement.

At least, that’s what I think he did. I kind of had a hard time following The Arrival‘s plot. It all seemed a little bit overcomplicated, especially when savvy viewers will have already guessed that 1) the aliens are real, 2) Phil is an alien, 3) there’s a big government conspiracy involved, 4) and Zane has stumbled across it.

What are the aliens doing on the planet? To figure that out, Zane’s going to have to go to Mexico and meet with climatologist Illana Green (Lindsay Crouse). However, we already know what the aliens are doing. They’re attempting to destroy the environment so that they can wipe out humanity. We know this because that’s what aliens are always trying to do! They’re always either trying to save the environment or destroy it. My personal theory is that Bill Nye, The Science Guy is actually an alien. It explains a lot.

Anyway, it may sound like I’m criticizing The Arrival but it was actually kind of a fun movie in its dumb way. It’s a serious movie but it’s also kind of a silly movie. Any film that features Charlie Sheen as anyone other than Charlie Sheen is going to be watchable just on a WTF sort of level. Beyond that, Ron Silver makes for a rather convincing alien and director David Twohy keeps the action moving quickly. Several of Twohy’s shots are memorably atmospheric, even if they often do feature a bearded and naked Charlie Sheen.

Is The Arrival as good as Arrival? HELL NO! Arrival is one of the greatest science fiction films ever made. The Arrival is a rather minor sci-fi melodrama but it’s fun nonetheless. Just don’t expect it to make any sense. To quote the bard, John Lennon, “Turn off your mind, relax, and float downstream.”

Hallmark Review: Straight From The Heart (2003, dir. David S. Cass Sr.)

Posted on October 10, 2015 by Valerie Troutman

You know what the best part of Straight From The Heart is for me?

It’s that I’m almost 100% positive that’s the director David S. Cass Sr. With this movie, I will have seen 15 of his Hallmark movies. It’s nice to finally put a face with the name. The reason being that they refer to him as Mr. Cass in the movie.

Correction: According to a commenter identifying themselves as David S. Cass Sr. himself, that is most certainly NOT a picture of him.

Anyways, he’s asking a photographer named Jordan Donovan (Teri Polo) if she likes garbage, not because her photos are garbage, but because she likes taking pictures of garbage. Work isn’t going well for her. Now we are introduced to a cowboy named Tyler Ross (Andrew McCarthy). Friends and family of these two decide to play matchmaker and with an ad in Country Connections, Jordan is in now in the country with Tyler.

Honestly, there is less to talk about here than most. Sure there are details. He lost a wife and child. There is an issue with wild horses and his property that has ties back to his father in law from the now dead wife. Jordan was proposed to, sort of, before she came to the country. By sort of, I mean he asked her to move in with him, but not marriage.

None of that is really too important. What you have here is the cowboy who is damaged. A photographer who is a little lost both in her work and personal life. Then you have this little matchmaking scheme that gets them to spend some time together. They go through a series of different experiences together developing a friendship.

This is one of those really early Hallmark movies so it looks good. You can tell more money went into this then the stuff you see nowadays on the channel. That also means it’s one of those that censors itself. Twice, Jordan says the word “butt” and it falls silent on the word. It’s still in the captions though.

The acting is good too. In fact, I would be recommending this as one of the best one’s I have seen if it didn’t have one problem that really bothers me. I don’t really see any reason that these two people should end up together as lovers. It doesn’t make sense. It makes perfect sense that they should end up as close friends, but asking me to buy them as lovers feels as genuine as if she were a mail order bride and they just lived happily ever after. I see these two people as having helped to heal each other, not fell in love with each other. That part felt forced to me. Especially the ending where it almost felt like he shows up just out of obligation to the script.

If that part doesn’t bother you, then this is worth seeing. It certainly is one of the best looking Hallmark movies I’ve seen.

Hallmark Review: Love, Again (2015, dir. Michael Scott)

Posted on October 3, 2015 by Valerie Troutman

The other day I went hiking at one of my favorite regional parks in the Bay Area. It’s basically a straight path through a canyon. A ways in you can turn left and start to go up to the top of the canyon. Although my leg was hurting, I decided I hadn’t been up there in awhile, so I did it. When I reached the end of the path and looked down at the canyon my iPhone starting playing Captain & Tennille singing Love Will Keep Us Together in Spanish. Had no idea I had that in Spanish.

This is one of those Love Will Keep Us Together Hallmark movies. Just The Way You Are is the worst of these I have seen. Lead With Your Heart is the best. Love, Again is very much on the Lead With Your Heart end of the spectrum.

The movie opens up with our couple on the beach with their daughter. They are Chloe (Teri Polo), David (Paul Johansson), and their daughter Amanda (Chloe Babcook). The look all nice and happy. Then cut to 15 years later, and things don’t look so good anymore.

The separate sinks and the distance between them represent the distance in their marriage. Not so subtle. But not as blunt as what happens next. The two of them go downstairs, get into their cars, and both try to pull out at the same time nearly hitting each other. That’s where this movie’s biggest issue is. Nothing is subtle about the problems with the marriage. It’s all blunt force trauma to the head stuff to make sure you know they are in trouble. However, they never really give a reason why. Yes, their daughter no longer lives at home, but that’s all. The marriage just seems to have gone stale like bread.

In Lead With Your Heart, their children were leaving home, a new job opportunity opened up for the wife, and the movie was about adapting their marriage to new circumstances. Here, it’s more a journey of rediscovery. They never really adapt, just remember. Hence the title.

After talking about divorce a little, their daughter comes home much to their surprise. But she isn’t alone. She has a fiancee in tow. Chloe and David don’t want to rain on her parade so they decide to pretend they are okay.

It’s now off to Camden, Maine where the wedding is going to happen. The soon to be married kids and another couple’s stories run parallel to the main characters. Their part of the story isn’t that important. The focus is on Chloe and David. There’s more of the obvious stuff you would expect from a couple who is only pretending to be happy. But there are also moments here and there where they get a glimpse of reality. That being they still have strong feelings for each other.

The centerpiece of this whole movie is a bridge. Chloe is afraid of heights. While the family is out hiking they reach it and Chloe just can’t cross it even with encouragement from David. He turns back to stay with her. She feels sorry that things like this prevent her from stuff like skiing with him. He tells her that’s simply not true. That they have had great trips with each other. Then they go back to the resort together.

This is a bit of a turning point in the story. Things shift somewhat from them finding stupid signs that their marriage is in trouble to finding real signs that they simply have forgotten their feelings for each other.

An example of the stupid things comes very early in the film when they poor some wine for each other, their daughter, and the future son-in-law. The wine isn’t good. He says that ’89 must have been a bad year. Of course she responds that they were married that year.

An example of something that reminds them of their love is when they loosen up a bit and dance together. They also play limbo. They wind up sharing the bed that night.

Near the end of the movie Chloe grabs David and they return to the bridge. This time she summons up the courage to try and cross it. She doesn’t make it all the way, but she gets as far as she does because she let’s herself be more than she can be alone. She listens to David’s words and trusts that no matter what happens, he will be there for her. He then goes out and joins her.

As you can see, the bridge wasn’t very high at all. However, making this happen finally shifts their mindsets back to being greater than their individual selves.

It’s a nice symbolic touch that I thought worked well. It reminded me of the father counting in Love Under The Stars and the china in Bound By A Secret.

With the couple’s love reignited, the wedding goes ahead even though the rain chases it inside.

This was one of the best Hallmark movies I’ve seen so far. I just wish there was less of the brick to the head obvious they are in trouble stuff. I think they should have dialed that back. I believe it would have worked better.

There was one thing that had me confused. When they show up at the resort they run into a guy they once knew and a story about a missing necklace comes up. Later it seems like that same guy has the necklace or a similar one. I’m not sure if that was meant to indicate that there was an affair at one point or not. It wasn’t clear to me. However, it didn’t make any difference for me.

Also, cause I always seem to notice this stuff. They replace the tablets and docking station company names with a fictional one called Lintus.

Val’s Movie Roundup #12: Hallmark Edition

Posted on August 12, 2015 by Valerie Troutman

Finding A Family (2011) – This movie is about a kid named Alex (Jared Abrahamson) whose mother has serious mental problems. She has a great degree, but her mental problems absolutely cripple her. As you can guess, they create major issues for her son who has to live with her day after day. Ultimately, Alex has himself emancipated. He wants to go to Harvard and works hard in school to make this work while not forgetting his mother. Then he decides that he really does want a family and starts writing to people asking them to take him in. It’s a nice story that really only had one issue and a minor personal complaint.

The issue is that I have some experience in this area and the depth to which his mother’s mental problems should affect him, don’t. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like The Blind Side (2009) where they gutted and flattened two amazing people, but it’s noticeable. The other thing is a minor complaint. In the old days you did receive a letter from colleges you applied to telling you whether you were accepted or not. However, I applied in 2006 and we was never sent a letter. You checked their website to find out whether you were accepted or not. This film was made in 2011. I know it’s more dramatic and familiar to go with the letter thing, but it’s time to move on.

You’ve seen it all before, but if you want to see again, then check this one out.

Generation Gap (2008) – There really isn’t much to talk about here. You’ve seen this plot a million times before. We meet Dylan (Alex Black) who is just too much for his mother because of a few scenes of rebellion. His Mom, played by Catherine Mary Stewart, calls up her father played by Ed Asner and dumps Dylan on him. After a few scenes of Asner acting like a dick, which he seems to think he is entitled to do because he’s old, both him and the kid calm down. The film does three things: 1. Asner and the kid come to realize that despite being different ages, they both occupy the same time and place on Earth, 2. Asner hooks up with Rue McClanahan who sounds weird without her Southern accent, 3. The kid also gains a romantic interest.

The only other noteworthy things are that they age Asner by about 10 years to have his character able to have been in WWII. The other is that the kid walks in on Asner and three other guys playing Halo. Pretty funny. Remember that scene in The Wizard (1989) where Beau Bridges is supposedly playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but we now know thanks to AVGN that he was probably playing Winter Games for the NES? Well, they actually show that Halo is what is being played and I wouldn’t be surprised if Asner and the others were actually playing.

This one is cliched, but okay.

Expecting A Miracle (2009) – This is a weird movie. It seems to be nice and have it’s heart in the right place, but there are some odd bits. It introduces us to a couple played by Jason Priestley and Teri Polo who have been trying to get pregnant. It seems that the couple has tried IVF several times, but there doesn’t seem to be any mention of sex whatsoever. Did they try that?

To try and calm down, they take a vacation and wind up in a small Mexican town that seems to consist only of a courtyard. Cheech Marin is here along with some other characters who conveniently speak English. There is a kid who has something wrong with his leg and is convinced that a special ceremony is going to fix it. This is the kind of place populated with people who are like the magic negro/eccentric characters that turn your life around simply by coming into contact with them.

Polo is told a line that basically says God decides whether you will have kids or not. Okay, but does that mean God also controls the adoption process which is brought up numerous times during this film. Maybe it’s the film’s way of saying that God sometimes is trying to tell you that it’s not necessary to pass on your genetic material, but instead to save a poor kid who needs a family and people who will love them.

The rest is harmless and kind of nice, but then comes the ending. The kid in the village is miraculously cured of a condition with his leg during a ceremony. The couple talk about adopting him. At the very end, they are at home working through the adoption process, talking about how much paperwork there is to adopt a kid. The wife goes to the bathroom and takes a pregnancy test. She’s pregnant! Then there are the credits. Did they have sex? Was it IVF again? Did they still follow through and adopt the kid? No answers.

It’s nice and everything, but I can’t honestly recommend it. Just a little too weird and relies on people’s assumptions about the nobility and happiness about simple rural communities.

Murder 101: If Wishes Were Horses (2007) – Another Hallmark murder mystery, but just like Murder 101, this was good. As always, I’m terrible about following the plots of these movies. It all begins when a horse is kidnapped. Once again, Dick Van Dyke is brought in to help with the case. Barry Van Dyke is back again as well, but this time Shane Van Dyke joins in on the fun. This is your standard murder mystery movie in the vein of Diagnosis Murder, Murder, She Wrote, and Mystery Woman as opposed to recent movies like Wedding Planner Mystery and Garage Sale Mystery. This one’s fine.