Tag Archives: review

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Die Cheerleader Die! (dir by Jerry Patterson)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hey, what do you think this film is about?

Die Cheerleader Die! is a film that was first released in 2008. It’s an independent film out of Chicago and it’s about cheerleaders. It’s also about someone who is murdering all of the cheerleaders at a …. well, I’m not sure if they were supposed to be in high school or college. All of the cheerleaders appeared to be grad student age but all the classrooms looked like they belonged in a high school.

Anyway, Tiffany (Inga Draper) is in charge of the cheerleading squad at this high school or college and she basically runs it like a dictator. She tells everyone what they can and cannot do. For instance, she orders Robin (Maria Perez) to starve herself, even though Robin is not overweight at all. Robin finds herself being tempted away from the cheerleaders by a group of body acceptance activists who are referred to as being “Pretty Intelligent Girls” or …. well, you can figure out the acronym for yourself. When cheerleaders start to turn up dead, the Pretty Intelligent Girls are the number one suspects but could it be someone else?

Who knows? This film is a difficult one to sit through, largely because it was shot on video with amateur actors, fluorescent lighting, and natural sound. That’s another way of saying that Die Cheerleader Die is essentially a 90-minute YouTube video and it’s perhaps appropriate that that’s where I saw it. There’s no suspense, the kills aren’t particularly interesting, and the whole thing just gets kinda boring pretty quickly.  As I always do whenever watching a horror film about cheerleaders, I forced my sister to watch it with me so that I could get her thoughts on whether or not the film accurately captured the high school cheerleader experience.  Erin abandoned the film after about seven minutes but I stuck with it because I though it might turn out to be a Coen Brothers-style commentary on high school films.  It wasn’t.

But, I don’t like being totally negative in any review so I am going to point out two good things. Number one, Inga Draper gave a pretty good performance as Tiffany. She was like every aspiring dictator that you ever knew in high school. Secondly, regardless of whether the film is any good or not, you can’t deny that it actually got made. The filmmakers may have made some poor production choices but they still got their film made and, 11 years later, it’s still being watched and reviewed. That’s more than most people who have, at some point, said, “I’m going to make a movie!” have accomplished.

Finally, cheerleaders always seem to be at a disadvantage in horror movies. I’ve always found that pretty strange because most of the cheerleaders that I’ve known were tough-as-nails athletes who, because they were constantly having to deal with snarky comments and pervy flirtation, knew how to take care of themselves. In a real life horror movie, the cheerleaders would probably be the only ones to survive.

Trust me, when the apocalypse hits and the world is burning all around you, you’re going to be looking to the cheerleaders to not only keep up your spirits but save the world as well.

Horror Film Review: Burnt Offerings (dir by Dan Curtis)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This 1976 film is about a family so obnoxious that their own house tries to kill them!

Well, maybe it’s not entirely the family’s fault. The film suggests that the house would have tried to kill anyone who lived there because the house itself is possessed by ghosts or Satan or something of that nature. Still, you can’t help but feel that the house took some extra joy out of destroying the Rolf family.  I know that I got some extra joy out of watching them get destroyed.

Ben (Oliver Reed) is a writer. Ben’s wife, Marian (Karen Black), is a flake who becomes obsessed with the house as soon as she sees it. Their son 12 year-old son, Davey (Lee Montgomery), is …. well, there’s no nice way to say this. He’s a brat. He’s the type of kid who you would be terrified of your kid befriending at school because then he’d want to come hang out at your house all the time. The movie doesn’t seem to realize that he’s a brat but the audience does. And finally, Aunt Elizabeth (Bette Davis) is Bette Davis, which means that she spends most of the movie delivering her lines in the most overdramatic and arch way possible.

The Rolfs are renting the house for the summer. The owners of the house are the Allardyces (Burgess Meredith and Eileen Heckart) and you would think that people would know better than to rent a house from Burgess Meredith. I mean, how many horror films in the 70s specifically featured Meredith as some sort of emissary of the devil? The Rolfs are asked to do two things: look after the house and look after Mrs. Allardyce, who lives on the top floor and never wants to be disturbed. The Rolfs are assured that they’ll never see Mrs Allardyce and the Rolfs are like, “Sure! That makes sense!”

Anyway, as soon as the Rolfs move in, the house starts to make weird noises and shingles start flying off the roof and, at one point, Ben nearly drowns his son in the pool.  And while it’s kind of understandable, considering how annoying his son is, it’s still not a good look.

Yep, it’s pretty obvious that the house is evil but Marian loves it, almost as if she’s becoming …. possessed! Meanwhile, Ben keeps having visions of a sinister looking chauffeur (Anthony James, whose creepy smile is the only memorable thing about this film) and Davey keeps standing too close to the outside chimney. You don’t want to do that when a house hates your guts.

It all leads to the inevitable ending, which involves people getting tossed out of windows and *ahem* crushed by chimneys. The family’s so obnoxious that you can’t help but cheer when that chimney comes down.  In fact, to be honest, as little as I think of this movie, I always specifically watch it just to see that chimney come down on one certain character.  Things might not work out well for the Rolfs or anyone else watching this rather slow and predictable movie but at least the house survives.

Fly, baby, fly!

Now, I will admit that I do own this film on DVD, simply because I love the commentary track.  Director Dan Curtis, star Karen Black, and the film’s screenwriter, William F. Nolan, watch and discuss the film and it quickly becomes obvious that none of them remember much about making it.  While Karen Black tries to keep the peace, Curtis and Nolan bicker over who is most responsible for the parts of the film that don’t work.  When Anthony James shows up as the creepy chauffeur, Dan Curtis says that he doesn’t remember his name and then gets visibly annoyed when Karen Black spends the next few minutes talking about what a good actor Anthony James is.  It’s all enjoyably awkward and, as someone who has hosted her share of live tweets, I couldn’t help but sympathize with everyone’s efforts to find something positive to say about Burnt Offerings.

Horror on The Lens: Where Have All The People Gone? (dir by John Llewellyn Moxey)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

For today’s horror on the lens, we have a 1974 made-for-TV movie about what happens when a family comes down from the mountains and discovers that everyone’s disappeared.

“Where have all the people gone!?” is the obvious question and it’s also the title of this film.  Our own Jedadiah Leland reviewed this movie back in March and he described it as being “effectively creepy.”  I watched it with my friends in the Late Night Movie Gang a few months later and we described as being perhaps the best Peter Graves film we had seen since we watched that one where everyone was a clone.

So, after those recommendations, how can you not watch Where Have All The People Gone?

Enjoy!

Horror Film Review: Tales From Parts Unknown (dir by Cameron McCasland)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

On Shackle Island, there’s a somewhat dilapidated-looking mansion.  And inside that mansion, there’s a friendly and talkative scientist by the name of Dr. Gangrene (played by Larry Underwood).  If you need shelter from the rain, Dr. Gangrene will be more than happy to accommodate you.  Of course, if you do accept Dr. Gangrene’s hospitality, you’ll have to visit the lab and take a look at the doctor’s truly impressive collection of brains.  For every brain, there’s a different story.  In the new horror anthology film, Tales From Parts Unknown, Dr. Gangrene introduces four of those stories.

The first brain, Tailypo, tells the story of a hunter and his dog and what happens when their prey escapes from them but loses its tail in the process.  Let’s just say that some creatures don’t take well to losing their tails and that, if you ever do happen to come across a tail out in the middle of the wilderness, it’s probably best to just leave it where you found it.  I originally reviewed Tailypo back in 2015 and it was interesting to get a chance to rewatch it.  (From my review: Tailypo is the first in a series of short films that McCasland is planning to put together for an anthology film that I hope I will someday get a chance to review.)  Tailypo holds up well to a second viewing.  Not only does David Chattam give a good and sympathetic performance as the Hunter but Tailypo really does capture the feel of being the type of story that someone would tell while sitting in front of a campfire.

The second story was Retrieval Service, which told the tale of two gravediggers who eventually make the mistake of trying to rob the dead.  Retrieval Service had a nice Southern gothic feel to it.  It was set (and filmed) in Tennessee and it really captured the unique feel of the region.  The two grave diggers (played by Kenneth Garner and J.D. Hart) got some good lines and had some enjoyably surreal nightmares on their way to digging up graves in search of treasure.  Don’t disturb the dead, the story tells us, no matter how much jewelry they’re wearing.

For The Prisoner of Perdition, we take a trip back to the old west.  In the small town of Perdition, an outlaw named Thorne (John Wells) waits in jail.  An angry mob wants to play jury and executioner but Marshal Tom Clanton (Rusty James) is determined to keep him safe.  However, Thorne has plans of his own and, as becomes apparent throughout the night, he’s also very good at manipulating people.  In fact, he’s a little too good at it.  It’s almost as if he’s not quite human….

The Prisoner of Perdition may not be the most historically accurate western ever made but that’s actually accounts for a good deal of the segment’s charm.  It’s not taking place in the real old west as much as it’s take place in the public’s popular imagination of what the old west was like.  As a result, you’ve got panicky townspeople, women posing on the saloon’s balcony, a tough-talking marshal, and a coldly manipulative prisoner.  The Prisoner of Perdition looks like it was an enjoyable segment to film, which makes it an enjoyable segment to watch.  John Wells does a good job as the charming but evil Thorne.

The Prisoner of Perdition is followed by my favorite story, The Rider.  The Rider is about a greedy writer (Wendy Keeling), her henpecked husband (Wynn Reichert), and the Biker (Lee Vervoort) that the writer accidentally runs over while she’s trying to drive and yell at her husband at the same time.  In its way, The Rider provides a nice tail-end to Tailypo, though the greedy writer is a far less sympathetic character than the unfortunate hunter.  Like Tailypo, The Rider has a lot of atmosphere and an appropriately dark conclusion.

Tales From Parts Unknown is a horror anthology that has an enjoyably retro feel to it.  Larry Underwood (a.k.a. Dr Gangrene) is a veteran horror host and he’s a lot of fun to watch as he holds up each brain to the camera and as he explains why the viewer can’t leave the laboratory just yet.  Tales From Parts Unknown is an entertaining film, perfect for the Halloween season.

Horror on TV: Baywatch Nights 2.2 “Creature” (dir by David W. Hagar)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In tonight’s episode of televised horror, it’s David Hasselhoff vs. a mermaid.  Basically, the mermaid wants to procreate but it also wants to kill and that leads to all sorts of conflicts and….

Well, listen, this episode is pretty silly.  To be honest, they’re all pretty silly.  But that’s kind of the fun of it all, isn’t it?

This episode of Baywatch Nights originally aired on October 6th, 1996.

Enjoy!

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Girl on the Third Floor (dir by Travis Stevens)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 2019 film, Girl on the Third Floor, tells the story of Dan Koch (Phil Brooks), a former criminal who says that he’s trying to turn his life around.  Phil is married to Liz (Trieste Kelly Dunn) and they’ve not only got a baby on the way, they’ve also got a new house!  It’s a surprisingly big house and you have to kind of wonder why no one else has bought it.  Maybe it’s because there’s an Episcopalian church right across the street.  That definitely would have kept me from moving in.

Still, despite the presence of Anglicans in the neighborhood, Phil moves into the house.  He wants to get the house ready before his pregnant wife comes out to join him.  Helping Phil out are his dog Cooper and his best friend, Milo (Travis Delgado).  Ellie (Karen Woditsch), the rather judgmental pastor who lives in the church, also comes by and visits.

Of course, any old house is going to have its issues.  There’s the mysterious sludge that pours out of the walls.  There’s the mysterious marbles that keep rolling through the house.  There’s the mysterious bumps in the nights and the fact that Cooper seems to be weary of the new home.  Dogs can always pick up on evil.  Of course, along with being a bit of an idiot, Don is too busy banging his new neighbor, Sarah (Sarah Brooks), to notice.

Don, if you haven’t guessed, is a bit of a jerk.  Even though he swears that he feels guilty for cheating on his wife, he still does it.  When his friends mysteriously disappear while helping out around the house, Don doesn’t make much of an effort to find them.  When Don thinks that there’s a chance his wife might find out what’s been going on at the house, he goes to extreme methods to try to cover everything up.  Don thinks that he can control every situation but Sarah and the House both appear to be intent to prove him wrong.

Girl on the Third Floor is a deliberately-paced …. well, I guess you’d call it a haunted house story.  I was tempted to call it a ghost story but the film is frequently ambiguous as to whether or not the house is haunted by ghosts or by something far worse.  Eventually, we do learn a bit about the house’s past but Girl on the Third Floor is at its best when it leaves you wondering what exactly is going on.  Not all questions have to be answered, especially not in a horror movie.  In fact, the key to most successful horror tales is the knowledge that some questions will never be answered, no matter how effort we put in to  searching for a solution.

Phil Brooks, who wrestled under the name CM Punk, is well-cast as the frequently brutish Don.  Brooks convinces us that he does want to be a better person while also showing that he doesn’t really have the inner strength necessary to do so.  Trieste Kelly Dunn also does a good job as Don’s wife, who seems like she really does deserve better.  Not surprisingly, the film is stolen by Sarah Brooks as the mysterious neighbor.  Not only does she get to wear all the best clothes but she also gets all of the best lines and her confidence that Don will fail whatever test she puts before him is both chilling and understandable.

Despite being a little bit slow-paced (especially early on in the film), Girl on the Third Floor has enough atmosphere to hold one’s attention and the final third of the film is enjoyably surreal.  Girl on the Third Floor is currently on Netflix.  Watch it the next time you’re wondering whether or not to start a home improvement project.

 

Horror Book Review: Halloween by Curtis Richards

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This is not an easy book to find.

Based on John Carpenter and Debra Hill’s original script for Halloween (which is a fancy of saying that it features scenes that were either not shot or left on the cutting room floor), Curtis Richards’s novelization of Halloween was published in 1979 and it went out of print in the 80s.  It’s subsequently become popular with both horror fans and paperback collectors.  On Amazon, you can order it used for $123.

Of course, if you’re lucky like me, your cousin might have a copy and he might be willing to loan it to you for the weekend.  Boom!

The novelization of Halloween tells the same basic story as the film, just with a few important differences.  For instance, the novelization doesn’t open in Haddonfield, Illinois.  Instead, it opens in Northern Ireland, at the “dawn of the Celtic race.”  It tells about how a disfigured young man named Enda went mad and killed the king’s daughter on the eve of Samhain.  Enda’s murderous spirit was cursed to wander the Earth.

Jump forward several centuries and we’re in Haddonfield!  However, instead of opening with Michael murdering his sister, the novel spends a bit of time telling us about Michael’s family.  Much like Rob Zombie’s version of the story, the novelization of Halloween spends almost as much time detailing Michael’s background as it does “the night he came home.”  His grandmother fears that little Michael Myers might be dangerous.  Michael says that he hears voices, telling him to hurt people.  Could that be the voice of Edna?   It’s also revealed that Michael’s grandfather was a murderer who also heard voices, suggesting that the entire family is cursed.

Along with more information about Michael’s background, we find out more about Michael’s time at Smith’s Grove Sanitarium.  We learn more about Dr. Loomis, as well.  We discover that Loomis is married and that his son thinks that Loomis is kind of lame.  (Reportedly, during filming, Donald Pleasence specifically objected to a scene that would have established Loomis as a family man because he felt that Michael should be Loomis’s sole obsession.)  Michael, who actually does a talk a bit in the early part of the book, comes to control his wing of the sanitarium, largely because everyone is scared to death of him.  The book does a good job of showing how Loomis came to be convinced that not only was there no way to get through to Michael but that he was also pure evil.  Basically, if you’re a Sam Loomis fan, this is the book to read.

Once Michael escapes, the film pretty much settles into the story that we all know from the original film.  Laurie Strode and her friends are stalked by Michael on Halloween night while Loomis desperately searches for him.  The book does a good job of getting into Laurie’s mind while she’s being pursued by Michael.  If you’ve ever wondered why Laurie kept doing illogical things while being pursued by Michael, this book makes clear that she was in a state of shock.  Trust me — if you were being chased by Michael, you’d probably be so scared that you would make a lot of the same mistakes.  I know I would.

The Halloween novelization is surprisingly well-written.  Curtis Richards does a good job of bringing the characters to life, beyond just transcribing their dialogue.  He gets into the heads of Michael, Loomis, and Laurie and forces us to see the story through their eyes.  That said, the most interesting thing about the book is the chance to see what Carpenter’s original vision of the film would have looked like.   Whereas the finished film is a masterpiece of editing that keeps the focus almost entirely on Laurie being stalked, the book is just as concerned with what makes Michael tick.

It’s interesting to contrast why both the film and the book work.  The film works because Michael is largely motiveless.  He’s a force of malevolence and you can understand why Carpenter cut the scenes that went into Michael’s time at Smith’s Grove.  Those scenes aren’t necessary because all of that information is supplied to as visually and, by cutting the store down to only its absolute essentials, the film duplicated Michael’s relentless pace.  In the book, of course, you don’t have the benefit of Carpenter’s visuals.  The book would be pretty boring if it was just Michael showing up and killing people.  Instead, the book works because Richards takes the time to get into the heads of his characters and make them more than just killer and victim.  What wouldn’t have worked for the film works wonderfully for the book.  And vice versa.

Anyway, this novelization of Halloween is not easy to find but if you’re a horror fan, it’s worth the effort.

International Horror Film Review: From the Dark (dir by Conor McMahon)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s an Irish horror film!

As a reviewer, I think it’s important for me to be open about my biases.  Especially in October, I think it’s important for you to know that I love horror movies in general and that I especially tend to like low-budget horror films.  You should also know that I tend to value positivity over negativity and, as a result, I’m always going to spend more time on what I like about a movie than on what I don’t like.  I have no interest in joining in with the parade of bitterness that’s consumed so many otherwise intelligent people.

You should also know that I take a lot of pride in my Irish heritage.  Whenever I get stressed out here in America, I remember visiting Argdlass two years ago.  It calms me down.  It makes me happy.  I hope to be able to visit again soon.  As a result, I’m naturally biased towards Irish films.  That’s particularly true now, when I find myself often thinking about what life was like before the start of this year.

Needless to say, with those biases in mind, I was probably the ideal audience from From The Dark.

From The Dark open with a man named Mark (Stephen Cromwell) and a woman named Sarah (Niamh Algar) in a car.  As I watched them drive across Ireland, I shouted, “I’ve done that!”  When Mark and Sarah got lost while trying to navigate the Irish roads, I said, “I’ve done that.”  When the car ends up getting stuck in mud, I said, “Yep, I’ve done that.”  Finally, when Mark and Sarah approached a scary-looking farmhouse in the middle of the night while looking for help, I said, “Oh, Hell no!”

Once you’ve seen enough horror movies, you know that it’s always a mistake to approach a farmhouse in the middle of the night.  Farmhouses are always full of either zombies or inbred rednecks or blood farmers.  Stay away from the farmhouses!  That’s what Sarah and Mark should have done because they soon find themselves being chased and attacked by a monster who seems to thrive on the darkness of the night….

Albeit uneven, From The Dark has its moments.  The low-budget is obvious in almost every shot but the film makes good use of that farmhouse location and, even more importantly, it keeps us guessing about the monster that’s living there.  Wisely, the film keeps the monster off-camera for as much as possible, leaving both the audience and Mark and Sarah to wonder where in the darkness it could be hiding.  I’ve always felt that horror is more effective on a low-budget than a big budget and From The Dark shows why.  The more expensive a monster is, the more obligated the filmmaker is going to be to show it off.  Low-budget monsters, though, are usually kept off-camera for the majority of the film and therefore, they’re much more intimidating.  There’s nothing scarier than what the human imagination can come up with and nothing sparks one’s imagination quicker than trying to figure out what might be hiding in the dark.

From the Dark does have some pacing issues.  As much as I enjoyed the footage of the Irish countryside, the scenes of Sarah and Mark driving dragged a bit.  As well, Sarah and Mark aren’t always the most sympathetic of protagonists.  Usually, I don’t mind it when characters in horror films do stupid things because, quite frankly, we all do stupid things.  But when there’s only two humans in the entire film, it’s a lot easier to dwell on the dumb things that they did that led to them getting in their dire situation in the first place.

Taking all of that into consideration, From the Dark may be imperfect but, when it works, it’s effectively creepy.  Plus, it’s Irish!

Horror Film Review: Everfall (dir by John Kissack)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 2018 horror film, Everfall, tells the story of Eva and Daniel.

Eva Saint (Jessica McLeod) is a figure skater who, at one time, had a bright future.

Daniel (Joe Perry) is the world’s worst boyfriend.

Daniel is also the reason why Eva’s skating career get derailed.  Daniel hosts his own “extreme sports YouTube channel,” which he calls “The Daniel Show.”  Daniel is the type who tends to say things like, “This is going to be a totally new direction for the Daniel Show!”  One of Daniel’s new directions was to convince his girlfriend to stand on a ledge.  Unfortunately, while Daniel was showing off for the camera, Eva fell off that ledge and broke her leg.

A year later, Eva’s leg is scarred but healed.  She wants to get back into the world of competitive figure skating but she’s struggling.  She’s no longer as confident in herself as she once was.  None of her old partners want to work with her anymore.  Even worse, she’s still going out with Daniel.  I’m not sure why.  If I was dating a guy who was responsible for me falling off a roof, I’d probably break up with him as soon as I regained consciousness.

Eva’s coach gives her one last option.  She can go to an obscure little town called Everfall, where they have an annual skating competition.  Eva’s never heard of it before but she knows that she has to do something so she agrees.  And again, for some reason, she takes Daniel and Daniel’s cameraman, Jordan (Kristian Wang), with her.

The competition at Everfall turns out to be even worse than Eva was expecting.  First off, the ice skating rink appears to be on the verge of collapse.  Secondly, there don’t seem to be another other skaters around.  The mysterious Mrs. Redgrave (Catherine Gell) sends Eva to Dressing Room #5.  Dressing Room #5 turns out to be a not very pleasant place to be….

Everfall is an effectively creepy film, one that makes good use of its eerie location and which features an excellent performance from Jessica McLeod.  Everfall is also a film that never really makes much sense but, in this case, that’s acceptable.  When you’re dealing with a skating rink that may or may not be haunted by several ghosts, you can get away with a little incoherence.  The film is full of surreal moments and disturbing imagery.  Characters appear to die and then, just as quickly, they show back up again.  It’s a film that was obviously influenced by Kubrick’s The Shining — particularly the final few scenes — but it also manages to carve out its own rather odd identity.

While Eva, Daniel, and Jordan are wandering around the skating rink from Hell, there’s also wildfire raging around the town of Everfall.  Amazingly enough, Eva’s father is a fireman but he refuses to acknowledge that Eva’s in any sort of danger.  Eva’s parents are played by Jayson Therrien and Julie Orton.  They bicker through the entire film and, to be honest, I could have done without the majority of their scenes.  The scenes between Therrien and Orton wreck havoc on the film’s narrative momentum.  Whenever you’re really starting to get into whatever’s happening to Daniel, Eva, and Jordan, Eva’s parents pop up and start arguing with each other.  The main theme of these scenes is that Eva’s dad isn’t willing to rescue her from a fire despite the fact that he is a fireman and that’s literally his job.  You really can’t help but feel sorry for Eva.  She never had a chance.

Everfall has its flaws.  This is one of those films where the camera is always moving, even when it should be sitting still.  That said, there’s enough strange details and out-there plot twists to make it an effective head trip and it ends on a nicely surreal note.  That’s always a good thing.

Horror on the Lens: An Evening With Edgar Allan Poe (dir by Kenneth Johnson)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

What better way to get ready for Halloween than spending a little time with Vincent Price?

In this 1970 film, Price recites four of Poe’s works in front of a live studio audience.  Price performs as only Price could, proving once again that he was not only an iconic figure in the history of horror but an iconic actor as well.

Enjoy!