Tag Archives: review

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 1.24 “This Business of Love / Crash Diet Crush / I’ll Never Fall in Love Again”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Let’s set sail for adventure!

Episode 1.24 “This Business of Love / Crash Diet Crush / I’ll Never Fall in Love Again”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on May 13th, 1978)

This week’s episode of The Love Boat is all about dealing with the past.

For instance, Captain Stubing is shocked when his old high school girlfriend, Jocelyn (Jessica Walter), boards the boat.  He’s even more shocked when Jocelyn points out that he’s gained a bit of weight since high school.  I have to admit that I was also shocked that Jocelyn — or anyone for that matter — would react to seeing an old friend by immediately pointing that out.  Even worse, Jocelyn makes a joke about how one of their other friends no longer has his hair.  This, of course, leads to the Captain refusing to take off his hat and going on a crash diet in an effort to lose weight.  This makes the Captain cranky and his beleaguered staff finally rig his scale to make Stubing think that he’s lost more weight than he has.  This gives Stubing the courage to tell Jocelyn that he’s fallen in love with her.

I had two thoughts on this storyline.  First off, Jocelyn’s kind of a bitch and Captain Stubing, while being a bit of a handful himself, still deserves better than someone who greets him by informing him that he’s no longer as impressive as he was in high school.  Secondly, I didn’t really buy that Stubing would be that insecure in the first place.  He’s the captain of the ship!  He’s in charge!  That takes a certain amount of confidence.  In order to be a captain, you have to have the respect of your crew and it’s hard to imagine the crew respecting a captain who literally refuses to take off his hat because his high school girlfriend is on the cruise.

Meanwhile, Nate (Michael Callan) and Roberta (Annette Funicello) are both depressed because, over the past year, they’ve both lost their spouses.  They meet on the boat and it’s obvious to everyone that they’re meant to be together.  Isaac certainly sees it!  But both Nate and Roberta say that they’re through with love.  Fortunately, an obnoxiously happy couple (played by Morey Amsterdam and Rose Marie) are also on the ship as a reminder that love can live forever.  This was a standard Love Boat storyline.  (Even though the show was still only in its first season, this was not the first time The Love Boat featured a depressed widow finding love on the cruise.)  But Funicello and Callen were both sympathetic in their roles and I was happy they found each other.

Finally, Jill (Caren Kaye) is a former high-priced escort who is setting sail for a new life.  On the Boat, she meets Bill (Christopher George) and they fall in love.  Jill doesn’t want Bill to find out about her past life.  Unfortunately, one of her former clients (Jack Carter) is also on the boat, traveling with his wife (Jayne Meadows).  Again, this was a standard Love Boat story but it worked largely due to the chemistry between Caren Kaye and Christopher George.

This was an okay episode.  The storylines were predictable and a bit forgettable but the guest stars brought a lot of charm to their roles.  It was an pleasant cruise.  I just hope Captain Stubing stops being so hard on himself!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.8 “Return/The Toughest Man Alive”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Mr. Roarke falls in love!

Episode 2.9 “Return/The Toughest Man Alive”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on November 11th, 1978)

As usual, this episode of Fantasy Island starts out with a little Tattoo drama.  After announcing the arrival of the plane, Tattoo informs Mr. Roarke that someone has stolen Tattoo’s car.  Mr. Roarke has his doubts that anyone would steal a car on Fantasy Island but Tattoo points out that his designated parking space is empty.

Mr. Roarke informs Tattoo that he must be mistaken and that his car will eventually show up.  And yes, the car does eventually show up.  About halfway through the episode, two chimpanzees drive by in it.  It’s a bizarre little scene, one that is neither explained nor really resolved at the end of the episode.  I guess the chimpanzees just decided that they liked Tattoo’s car.  To be honest, this entire plotline made me feel bad for Herve Villechaize as the joke’s punch line seemed to be that Herve was so small that even a chimpanzee could drive his car.  From what I’ve read. Villechaize was often times not happy on the set of Fantasy Island and I imagine that jokes like that undoubtedly had something to do with it.

But enough about Tattoo’s car!  It’s time to learn who is having a fantasy this week!

Usually, the show’s fantasies are thematically connected but that’s not the case this week.  Indeed, neither one of the fantasies seems to go with the other and I actually found myself wondering if maybe the two fantasies had been meant for different episodes but, for whatever reason, were instead edited into this episode.

The first fantasy involves Samantha Eggar as a fashion designer who returns to Fantasy Island after having previously visited four years ago.  During her first visit, Eggar’s fantasy was to become a designer and to fall in love.  While she became a designer, she did not end up with the man of her dreams so Roarke is giving her a second chance.  The twist is that she’s in love with Mr. Roarke!  And Roarke is in love with her!  To Tattoo’s shock, the two of them plan to get married on the Island.  But then, the designer realizes that she has responsibilities in the real world and apparently, marrying Mr. Roarke means staying on the Island.  So, the marriage is called off.  Mr. Roarke’s heart is broken …. or is it?  As I watched the episode, I found myself wondering if Mr. Roarke really loved her or if he was just giving her a chance to have her fantasy.  Ricardo Montalban’s enigmatic performance kept things ambiguous.

One thing that bothered me about this fantasy is that Mr. Roarke potentially getting married felt like a pretty big plotline to be confined to just half of a one-hour show.  It seemed like this should have been a special episode with just one fantasy.  Instead, because there’s a second fantasy, there’s several odd scenes of Roarke taking a break from planning his wedding so that he can encourage Red Buttons to defeat a bunch of pirates.  Buttons is cast as an engineer who wants to be a hero in the style of Clint Eastwood and Charles Bronson.  Roarke gives him super-strength, which is not something that Eastwood or Bronson ever had.  But whatever!  Buttons is recruited to protect a bunch of islanders from some pirates.  But Roarke abruptly takes away Buttons’s super strength and, instead, Buttons has to use his engineering knowledge to defeat the pirates.  It’s kind of silly, to be honest.

This episode raised a lot of questions about the nature of the Island and Roarke himself.  Mr. Roarke rules over the island and apparently, he has to remain on the Island.  But, at the same time, he apparently can’t be bothered to stop a bunch of pirates from harassing the native’s inhabitants and instead, he gives temporary super strength to an otherwise meek engineer.  Maybe the engineer could have gotten Tattoo’s car away from those chimpanzees.  While all of this is going on, Roarke also ends up falling in love with a mortal who never stops to ask, “Hey, are you an angel or something?”  It’s an odd episode and a vaguely disappointing one, as neither one of the stories is that deeply explored.

Oh well!  There’s always next week!

Insomnia File #59: True Spirit (dir by Sarah Spillane)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable or Netflix? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!

If you were having trouble getting to sleep last night (or this night, for that matter), you could have turned over to Netflix and passed the time watching True Spirit, a rather wholesome biopic from Australia.

Teagan Croft stars as Jessica Watson, who, at the age of 16, became the youngest person ever to sail solo, non-stop around the world.  For Jessica, it was not only the fulfilment of a childhood dream but it was also a true test of survival as, towards the end of her journey, she got trapped in a very violent storm and, at one point, her boat was actually 15 feet below the surface of the ocean.  For the nation of Australia, it was a moment of great pride despite the fact that many of the same people who celebrated Jessica’s accomplishment had earlier tried to prevent her from making the journey.  (Indeed, the film suggests that one reason why Jessica was in such a hurry to start her voyage was because the Queensland legislature was literally putting together a bill that, once passed, would have made it illegal for her to do so.)  The film begins with Jessica already in training for her voyage.  One mistake during a trial run leads to her boat nearly crashing into a tanker, a reminder that, as beautiful as the ocean may be, it can still be a dangerous place.  With the help of Ben Bryant (Cliff Curtis) and the support her parents (Anna Paquin and Josh Lawson), Jessica is determined to make her voyage.  She not only wants to set a world record but she also wants to prove that, even though she’s dyslexic, she can still accomplish anything that she sets her mind too.

There’s really nothing that surprising to be found in True Spirit.  Even if you didn’t already know the true story on which the film was based, you wouldn’t be surprised by how Jessica’s voyage goes.  But, at the same time, it’s a well-intentioned and almost achingly sincere film, one that celebrates a worthy accomplishment and which features a likable lead performance from Teagan Croft.  It’s a film that is determined to focus on the positive, though it certainly doesn’t shy away from the fact that nature can be frightening and unpredictable.  There’s nothing particularly edgy about True Spirit.  Despite a nicely executed storm scene, this isn’t All is Lost.  But it will hold your attention and it’ll probably leave you in a good mood.  It did for me!

Finally, I can’t complete this review without mentioning that Todd Lasance plays a rather obnoxious television journalist named Atherton.  Would it be too much to hope that his name was meant to be a reference to William Atherton, who played a similar reporter in the first two Die Hards?

Previous Insomnia Files:

  1. Story of Mankind
  2. Stag
  3. Love Is A Gun
  4. Nina Takes A Lover
  5. Black Ice
  6. Frogs For Snakes
  7. Fair Game
  8. From The Hip
  9. Born Killers
  10. Eye For An Eye
  11. Summer Catch
  12. Beyond the Law
  13. Spring Broke
  14. Promise
  15. George Wallace
  16. Kill The Messenger
  17. The Suburbans
  18. Only The Strong
  19. Great Expectations
  20. Casual Sex?
  21. Truth
  22. Insomina
  23. Death Do Us Part
  24. A Star is Born
  25. The Winning Season
  26. Rabbit Run
  27. Remember My Name
  28. The Arrangement
  29. Day of the Animals
  30. Still of The Night
  31. Arsenal
  32. Smooth Talk
  33. The Comedian
  34. The Minus Man
  35. Donnie Brasco
  36. Punchline
  37. Evita
  38. Six: The Mark Unleashed
  39. Disclosure
  40. The Spanish Prisoner
  41. Elektra
  42. Revenge
  43. Legend
  44. Cat Run
  45. The Pyramid
  46. Enter the Ninja
  47. Downhill
  48. Malice
  49. Mystery Date
  50. Zola
  51. Ira & Abby
  52. The Next Karate Kid
  53. A Nightmare on Drug Street
  54. Jud
  55. FTA
  56. Exterminators of the Year 3000
  57. Boris Karloff: The Man Behind The Monster
  58. The Haunting of Helen Walker

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 3.17 “Mary Beth’s Parents” and 3.18 “The Laugh Riot”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Indiana’s greatest basketball team heads for the ski slopes!

Episode 3.17 “Mary Beth’s Parents”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 8th, 1997)

I did a double-take when this episode opened with shots of a snowy ski lodge.  It wasn’t so much that this episode was taking place outside of Indiana (as we did just go through the whole California thing) as much as I thought the show had already done a ski lodge episode, one in which a man dressed as a yeti was trying to keep Mary Beth’s father from developing the land.  However, once the episode began, I realized I was thinking of the episode of California Dreams where everyone is invited to Lorena’s father’s ski lodge.

(That said, I’m pretty sure it’s the same set that was used in not only California Dreams but also Saved By The Bell: The New Class.)

Instead, in this episode, Mary Beth’s parents have invited the entire basketball team out to a ski lodge to help celebrate Mary Beth’s birthday.  That includes Coach Fuller, who is super excited about going ice fishing and catching a legendary bass.  Again, that’s not surprising.  In the world of Peter Engel-produced sitcoms, parents were always inviting and paying for their children’s friends to come vacation with them.  But you do have to wonder why only the basketball team has been invited.  Doesn’t Mary Beth have other friends that would have wanted to come?  Obviously, Mary Beth is close to Julie and Kristy and she and Vince have an unlikely flirtation going on.  But why invite Teddy and Michael, two people with whom she’s had next to nothing to do with over the course of the series?  And why invite Coach Fuller?  Fuller’s an adult.  Does he not have a life outside of his job?  Does no one find the idea of a man in his 40s going on vacation with a bunch of high school students to be a little bit creepy?

That said, even though he shouldn’t be there, Fuller is super-excited about ice fishing and the team is super-excited about watching him ice fish, which really doesn’t seem like something to get that excited about.  However, there’s more going on here than just Fuller trying to relive his fishing glory days.  Instead of going ice fishing, Vince stays back at the lodge and overhears Mary Beth’s parents talking about getting a divorce!  Vince can’t bring himself to tell Mary Beth about what he’s heard and, if we’re going to be perfectly honest, it’s not really his place to tell her because he’s not family.  However, when the rest of the team returns from Fuller’s fishing cabin, Vince tells them and then Mary Beth walks in right when Teddy is making the same point that I just made.  “If anyone is going to tell Mary Beth about her parents getting divorced, it should be Mary Beth’s parents!” Teddy says while a stunned Mary Beth stands behind him.

Now, let’s give the show some credit.  At first, Mary Beth is in denial about her parent’s getting divorced and then she moves into the anger phase and then the bargaining stage.  And, for me, it brought back a lot of memories of going through my own parent’s divorce and the show, at first, handled things with a lot more sensitivity than you would expect from a Peter Engel-produced sitcom.  But then, because this is a Peter Engel show, things get cartoonish as Mary Beth tries to save her parent’s marriage by recreating their honeymoon in Mexico, which means that Mary Beth speaks in an exaggerated Mexican accent while Vince puts on a sombrero and a fake mustache.  It doesn’t work but, fortunately, Mary Beth moves from anger to acceptance in record time.

Again, let’s give some credit where credit is due.  I’ve been pretty critical of the Vince/Mary Beth pairing but Megan Parlen and Michael Sullivan both have a lot of chemistry in this episode and Sullivan, in particular, is better here than he’s been in any of the previous episodes.  And even the ice fishing storyline pays off as the normally stiff Reggie Theus really gets into trash-talking a legendary giant bass.  Fuller catches the bass (which is obviously a fake, rubber fish) but then he tosses it back in the lake.  It would be a touching moment if the bass actually looked like real, living fish as opposed to a rubber toy.

Flaws and all, this was ultimately a pretty good episode.  Will the streak continue with our second ski lodge episode?

Episode 3.18 “The Laugh Riot”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 8th, 1997)

We’re still at the ski lodge!  Mary Beth’s parents are nowhere to be seen but we know that they’re still getting divorced because Vince gives Mary Beth an expensive ring to help her get over it.  Awwwwwww!  Unfortunately, Mary Beth loses the ring, which leads to her going through a lot of trouble to keep Danny from finding out.  But then she finds it in her pocket and everything’s okay.  Yay!  This whole storyline made me anxious.  I hate plots that could easily be resolved by one person just telling the truth about what happened.

Meanwhile, the Lodge is holding auditions for a new comedian to perform at their comedy club and Danny decides to audition, despite the fact that he’s only there on vacation and will presumably be going back to Indiana in a day or two.  I’m not sure that Danny has really thought this through.  When Danny gets get on stage, he suffers from stage fright and freezes.  Fortunately, Teddy joins him on stage and they become a comedy duo.  They’re both hired!  But Teddy eventually realizes that stand-up comedy is Danny’s dream and he allows Danny to perform the show alone.  It’s kind of pointless, as none of the jokes are particularly funny and it’s kind of a stretch to imagine a club full of wealthy adults going crazy over Danny joking about reading his girlfriend’s diary.

This episode features an extended sequence in which Danny imagines himself as being Jerry Seinfeld.  CRINGE!

Next week, the ski lodge adventure continues!

Music Video of the Day: Diferente by Steve Aoki feat. CINCO (2023, dir by Dusty Deen)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

If this doesn’t get your week off to a good start than I’m afraid you’re just destined to have a bad week.  I take no pleasure in reporting that.  It’s just the way that the stars have aligned.

Enjoy!

Retro Television Review: After The Promise (dir by David Greene)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1987’s After the Promise!  It  can be viewed on YouTube!

Mark Harmon is, in many ways, the ideal television actor.  He’s handsome in a distinguished but not overwhelming sort of way.  He projects a pleasant personality.  He’s likably low-key.  He’s a talented actor but he’s also a bit of a safe and predictable actor.  It’s been said that the difference between a TV star and a movie star is that a movie star combines charisma with danger whereas a TV star combines a likable screen presence with reliability.  Mark Harmon’s been a reliable TV presence for longer than I’ve been alive.

In 1987’s After the Promise, Harmon plays Elmer Jackson, a carpenter who is just trying to survive day-to-day in Depression-era California.  Though his wife (who is implied to be a Christian Scientist) begs him not to take her to the hospital when she gets ill, Elmer goes against her wishes.  When he gets her to the hospital, he is treated rudely by the staff.  A cop approaches him in the waiting room and brusquely orders him to move his car.  When a doctor finally does approach Elmer, he calmly explains that Elmer’s wife has did of TB and that she should have been brought to the hospital weeks ago.

Now a widower, Elmer is determined to keep the last promise that he made to his wife and give his four sons the best life that he possibly can.  Unfortunately, the government is determined to keep Elmer from doing that.  When Elmer goes to the government to try to get temporary financial assistance, the government reacts by taking his children away from him and forcing them into foster care.  When Elmer, during one of his weekly visits, tries to take the children for a ride, the government bans him from having any contact with his children.  When Elmer’s sons try to escape from the foster home, they’re separated and sent to separate facilities.

Informed that he can only get his children back if he proves that he’s financially stable, Elmer becomes an itinerant worker.  It’s only after he meets and marries Anna (Diana Scarwid) that Elmer finally gets a chance to be reunited with his sons but, after years of abuse, his sons have their own traumas to deal with before they can accept Elmer as being their father.

This is a movie that really pulls at your heartstrings!  There’s nothing subtle about it but, at the same time, its portrait of bureaucrats without empathy is one that feels very real and contemporary.  Over the course of the film, Elmer learns that the rules are not being written to help out a blue collar worker who doesn’t have a lot of money and, watching the film, it’s hard not to consider that the rules haven’t really changed that much over the years.  Elmer isn’t just fighting to reunited his family.  His fighting to save them from a system that is designed to dehumanize.  It’s an ideal role for a television star like Mark Harmon, as Elmer isn’t a terribly complex man but he is a very determined one.  It’s a role that demands a lot of sincerity and Harmon certainly delivers.  For that matter, so does this simple but emotionally resonant film.

Lisa Marie’s Week in Television: 1/29/23 — 2/4/23

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I watched quite a bit.  Let’s see what I can remember about it.

Accused (Tuesday Night, FOX)

This week’s episode was actually pretty good.  It has an enjoyably macabre ending and was well-directed by Jonathan Mostow.

The Amazing Race 5 (Netflix)

The fifth season of The Amazing Race is on Netflix!  I watched a few episodes this week.  I’m glad that Colin and Christie were given a second chance to compete on the show because they really were the strongest competitors during the fifth season.  After getting used to the mellow Colin who appeared the second time, it was interesting to be reminded just how intense and ultra-competitive he was the first time he appeared on the show.  I know that Colin and Christie were meant to be the fifth season’s “villains” but, honestly, it’s impossible not to like them.  I respect the fact that they consistently refused to yield or U-turn anyone.

American Auto (Tuesday Night, NBC)

Anna Gasteyer’s character went on the Seth Meyers show to try to soften her image and convince everyone that she really wasn’t the country’s most hated CEO.  I understand that the whole point here was to reunite Gasteyer and Meyers, as I assume they were on Saturday Night Live at the same time.  But I don’t know.  Gasteyer had a few funny moments but Meyers has never really appealed to me a a talk show host.  And really, if  you were a CEO trying to improve your image by appearing on a talk show, would you go on the one that most people don’t watch?  She should have held out for Fallon.

The Bachelor (Monday Night, ABC)

Boring!

The Brady Bunch Hour (YouTube)

I wrote about The Brady Bunch Hour here!

California Dreams (YouTube)

I wrote about California Dreams here!

City Guys (Tubi)

Uh-oh!  It looks like Tubi has removed a few episodes of City Guys!  Fortunately, I think I can find them all on YouTube.  Anyway, click here to see what I wrote this week!

Football Game: Bengals vs Chiefs (Sunday Evening, CBS)

I watched this game with Jeff and Erin.  I guess I’m glad the Chiefs won.  The Bengals uniforms were a kind of silly looking.

Football Game: Eagles vs 49ers (Sunday Afternoon, FOX)

Was it on FOX?  I honestly can’t remember.  Anyway, I watched this game with Jeff and Erin and they were a lot more into it than I was.  I decided that I would root for the 49ers because Philadelphia is the city of Parking Wars but I changed my mind once it became obvious that the 49ers weren’t going to win.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

I’m not sure if I agree with Chef Ramsey’s decision to keep  Dafne over Sommer.  Sommer may have been abrasive when she was put in charge of the Kitchen but she was still a lot less scatter-brained and more effective than Dafne was.  That said, we all know that Alex is going to win this season.

Kids Behind Bars: Life or Parole? (Hulu)

This show originally aired on A&E.  I watched an episode on Monday morning and I was immediately reminded of why I never particularly cared for this show.  Not only does it exploit real-life tragedy but it’s also so biased and heavy-handed that it’s not really worth watching as a work of journalism.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

This week, the murderer was a prosperity preacher.  Nolan Price used a bunch of shady legal tricks to convince a judge to force a minister to break his sacred oath.  This show is always at its most cringey when it tries to deal with religion.  As I watched this week, I noticed that the show is now playing up the whole “relationship” angle between Price and Maroun.  They’re a cute couple but I kind of want to see Maroun handle a case without Price hovering over her shoulder.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

I know I watched the episode because I jotted it down in my notes for the week but I can’t remember a thing about it.  That’s kind of a recurring problem with Night Court.  I’ve seen every episode so far and I still can’t really tell you anything about the show or its characters.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

I watched an episode from the 80s.  It was all about the use of animation in music videos.

Survivor: Philippines (Hulu)

There are several old seasons of Survivor on Hulu.  I watched a bit of the Philippines season, which featured the unbelievably hot Malcolm and the unbelievably obnoxious Abi-Maria.  Along with Penner, RC, Russell, and a few others, this season featured some of the least likable castaways ever but it also featured Malcolm so it all worked out.

TV Party (Nightflight Plus)

I watched an old episode of this 80s public access program on Friday night.  Chris Stein, of the band Blondie, led a small band in playing medieval music.  Then a bunch of drunk people called the studio and threatened to beat him up.