Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Freddy’s Nightmares 1.1 “No More Mr. Nice Guy”

Posted on July 25, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Plex!

Having finished up Friday the 13th, I’m not going to take a look at another syndicated horror show that aired around the same time. Freddy’s Nightmares was an anthology show hosted by Robert Englund, in character as Freddy Krueger. Each story would take place in Freddy’s hometown of Springwood, Ohio. Would the show be a dream or a nightmare? Let’s find out!

Episode 1.1 “No More Mr. Nice Guy”

(Dir by Tobe Hooper, originally aired on October 9th, 1988)

Freddy Krueger has become such a familiar and popular figure that I think it’s sometimes forgotten that, when he first appeared, he was truly a horrifying character. He was a child molester and a serial killer, one who escaped legal justice only because someone forgot to read him his rights when he was arrested. He was killed by the citizens of Springwood, Ohio, set on fire in the same boiler room where he killed his victims. Yes, he was brutally murdered and yes, the respectable people who murdered him covered up their crime. At the same time, what would you do if a monster like Freddy was loose in your town and stalking your children? “I’m burning in Hell,” Freddy says and that’s exactly what he deserved.

How did Freddy Krueger then become an oddly beloved pop cultural icon? Some of that was undoubtedly due to his one-liners, which tended to be a slightly better than the typical slasher film banter. If Freddy was pure evil in the first three Nightmare on Elm Street films, he became more a homicidal prankster as the series continued. I think another reason why Freddy became popular is because the actor who first played him, Robert Englund, himself always comes across as being such a nice guy. Unlike the personable but physically intimidating Kane Hodder, who looked like he could kill you even when he wasn’t playing Jason Voorhees, Englund always comes across as being slightly nerdy and very friendly. He’s the neighbor who you would trust to get your mail while you’re on vacation. If Englund hadn’t been cast as Freddy Krueger in 1984, he probably would have spent the 90s playing quirky programmers and hackers in tech thrillers. The thing with Robert Englund is that seems to have a good sense of humor, he’s at peace with his place in pop culture, and he always seem to be having fun. (In his autobiography, he even jokes about something that fans had been laughing about for years, the fact that the female lead in A Nightmare In Elm Street 2 looked almost exactly like Meryl Street.) Those are qualities that bled over into Freddy.

As a result, Freddy became popular enough to host his own horror anthology. The premiere episode of Freddy’s Nightmares open with Englund, in full Freddy makeup, telling us that we’re not about to see one of our nightmares. Instead, we’re going to see his nightmare. The episode gives us Freddy’s origin story, starting with Freddy getting off on a murder charge on a technicality and ending with Freddy getting bloody revenge of the police chief (played by Ian Patrick Williams) who set him on fire.

By almost any standard, it’s a disturbing story. We open with Freddy on trial and we hear details about an 8 year-old boy that he left in a dumpster. After the charges against Freddy are dismissed (damn those Carter judges!), Freddy happily gets into an ice cream truck and later, the police chief has a vision of the same truck coming straight at him. After getting set on fire, Freddy doesn’t waste any time coming back and using his razor-blade gloves to slash his way to vengeance. I think what’s particularly disturbing about this episode is that the police chief is not a bad guy. He arrested Freddy as Freddy was trying to attack his twin daughters. Throughout the episode, Freddy — in both life and death — makes it clear that he’s coming for the man’s daughters. And in the end, Freddy will probably get them because their father fell asleep in a dentist’s chair and got his mouth drilled by Dr. Krueger.

Agck! That’s disturbing stuff. Of course, it would be even more disturbing if the show’s special effects and gore were anywhere close to being a realistic as what was present in the movies. The show itself looks remarkably cheap. I would say it almost looks like a community theater production of A Nightmare on Elm Street. Director Tobe Hooper (of Texas Chainsaw Massacre fame) manages to wring a few jump scares out of the material and a scene where we see one of Freddy’s courtroom fantasies is genuinely horrifying but, for the most part, the budget is low enough that the viewer can safely say, “It’s only a TV show, it’s only a TV show….” In the end, it’s very much an 80s TV show, right down to the oddly gratuitous scene where the police chief suddenly imagines the dental hygienist in her underwear.

Where will Freddy’s Nightmares lead us? We’ll find out. I’m sure it will be bloody, wherever it is!

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 2.8 “All About Eve”

Posted on July 25, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988. The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, everyone’s got the blues.

Episode 2.8 “All About Eve”

(Dir by David Anspaugh, originally aired on December 14th, 1983)

What a depressing episode!

With tension rising between Boston’s Catholics and its Protestants, threats are being called into the hospital because young Protestant Eddie Carson (Eric Stoltz) is still a patient. (Last week, I assumed Eddie was Catholic but apparently, he’s supposed to be a Protestant. I also assumed his parents were blown up in the pub bombing. In this episode, it was made clear that the victims were his aunt and uncle.) A group of masked, IRA-style terrorists break into Joan Halloran’s home. Joan’s gone at the time but Bobby Caldwell is in the shower and he ends up getting beaten into unconsciousness.

(Wow, did someone on the writing staff have an issue with Irish Catholics?)

Meanwhile, Dr. Westphall has to explain to his several autistic son Tommy (Chad Allen) that their beloved housekeeper has quit and moved away. Westphall’s daughter says she’s going to skip college and stay home to help take care of her brother. While I’ve always known that the widowed Westphall had an autistic son, this was the first episode to actually show us Westphall interacting with Tommy. And, with no disrespect meant to the autistic community, I can understand why Westphall always seems so depressed. Tommy runs and hides in a corner. Tommy hits his father. Tommy demands to know if everyone is going to leave him. By the end of the episode, Westphall was exhausted and I was even more exhausted from watching him.

But Westphall’s angst was not the most depressing thing about this episode. On top of everything else, Eve Leighton died! She didn’t die as a result of the heart that Dr. Craig transplanted into her. The heart was working fine. Instead, the rest of Eve’s body gave out. Being in the hospital initially saved her life but it also shut her off from everything that inspired her to keep living. Dr. Craig was in surgery when Eve coded. By the time he was able to get to her room, she was already gone. And with Eve’s death, that also means that the heart that once belonged to Morrison’s wife is gone as well.

I mean, seriously …. GOOD LORD! It was a well-acted episode. Both William Daniels and Ed Flanders broke my heart. But I seriously had to rewatch Happy Gilmore after watching this show. That’s how depressed it left me!

But that’s life and death in a hospital. Every hospital is home to hundreds of different stories and the majority of them do not have happy endings.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 4.6 “Playing for Keeps”

Posted on July 24, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Highway to Heaven makes a mockery of legitimate theater.

Episode 4.6 “Playing for Keeps”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on November 4th, 1987)

Jonathan and Mark are directing a play!

The play stars movie star Rhett Clark (Eric Douglas, the least talented son of Kirk Douglas). Rhett plays a young man who is struggling to come to terms with the impending death of his father. In the play, Rhett’s father is played by his actual father, Jackie Clark (Donald O’Connor), a old-time comedian who can’t get work anymore.

It’s not an easy rehearsal process. Rhett resents his father. Jackie wants to tell jokes. He wants to put on a dress and a wig because, according to him, all of his fans will want to see him play “Aunt Jackie.” Rhett explains that the play is not a comedy. There’s no room for Aunt Jackie. Really, explaining all of that should have been Jonathan’s job. He’s the director!

The problem with this episode is that we’re supposed to be angry at Rhett for not supporting his father’s attempts to turn the play into a vaudeville comedy but actually, Jackie’s a jerk. Rhett’s a jerk too but he’s a jerk who understands that, when you’re doing a dramatic play, the actor playing a dying man can’t suddenly get out of his hospital bed, duck into a closet, and then come out as Aunt Jackie. An actor ad-libbing dialogue and then turning the play into a comedy because he’s petulant and insecure is not the type of behavior that would be tolerated in all-volunteer community theater, much less on a professional stage. The fact that Jackie is getting paid to appear in the show makes his unprofessional conduct all the more annoying.

This episode puts on the blame on Rhett. We’re meant to see Rhett as the ungrateful son who refuses to see things from his father’s point of view. Because Rhett is being played by Eric Douglas, an actor who did not exactly have the most likable screen presence, it’s easy to blame him. I mean, everyone loves Donald O’Connor, But honestly, Jackie is the jerk here.

How big of a jerk is Jackie? On opening night, he gets mad at his son and does his Aunt Jackie schtick. Somehow, this leads to Rhett and Jackie reconciling and hugging it out while the audience applauds. Honestly, though, it should have led to Jackie being fired. If you’re not going to be professional, you have to go. This episode would have been far more touching if Jackie had been willing to put his ego aside and actually allow his son to have the spotlight for once.

This episode will definitely not be remembered as one of my favorites of the series. In the past, I’ve defended this show’s tendency to go for sentimentality over realism but this episode just pushed things a little too far.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.23 “The Houseguest”

Posted on July 24, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This week, it’s competition to see who can be the worst character.

Episode 2.23 “The Houseguest”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on April 29th, 2000)

A recurring theme for these reviews is that Lisa (the character, not me) is the worst. Amazingly, in this episode, she’s only the third worse.

The second worse is Jason. When Murray announces that he’s going to be spending the week at a convention for surfers, he leaves the key to his apartment with Lisa at the Surf Shack so that Lisa can give the key to the house sitter. Jason and Scott, wondering why they’ve never been invited to Murray’s apartment, steal both the key and the note that Murray left. Along with Lisa, they go to his apartment and break in. It turns out that Murray, who is the son of a multi-millionaire, has a really nice apartment that has a hot tub in the living room! In other words, he’s a rich guy with a rich apartment.

Now, there’s a few things to consider, when it comes to deciding who is the worst of these three. First off, all three of them are breaking into Murray’s apartment despite the fact that he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want them there. Secondly, thanks to Jason and Scott, Murray’s house sitter is now out of a job because they didn’t get the key or the note telling them where the apartment was located. Third, Jason decides to move into the apartment and pretend that he owns it because he has a crush on the lingerie model living next door.

When Murray comes back unexpectedly, Jason tells Murray that Peter’s aunt just died and Peter would appreciate it if Murray spent a week living at the Collins house. Jason then tells Peter and Scott that Murray’s aunt died and that he needs a place to stay for a week. This is the dumbest freaking thing I have ever seen. Why would Jason come up with two lies that would definitely fall apart as soon as Murray or Peter or Scott, for that matter, had any sort of casual conversation?

Regardless of his logic (or lack of it), it’s all enough to position Jason as being worse than both Scott and even Lisa.

And yet, of all the character in this particular episode, Jason is only the second worse. Alex (Suzanne Davis) is even more terrible than Jason in this episode. When soap opera star Traycee says that she needs to hire an assistant, Alex volunteers for the job. At first, Traycee tells Alex to fill in for Lisa at the Surf Shack so Traycee can take Lisa to the new Matt Damon movie. (I hope they enjoyed The Talented Mr. Ripley.) Then Tracyee orders Alex to “detail” Peter’s car. That all made me laugh but then Alex insisted on helping Traycee out on the show. Traycee lets Alex read the latest script for her show. Alex gets offended by the script, telling Traycee that, since she’s playing a doctor, she needs to stand up for herself and tell the producer that she’s not going to wear a bikini in all of her scenes. Even though Traycee doesn’t want to, she tells the producer exactly what Alex told her to say. And Traycee gets fired.

Why is Alex the worse? Alex is correct that the soap opera is exploitive and sexist and not a realistic portrayal of life in hospital. However, Alex is not the one on the show. Traycee is one on the show and she’s happy with her job and she’s certainly making more money as an actress on a soap opera than Alex is making as lifeguard or Lisa is making as a waitress. It’s not Alex’s place to tell Traycee to refuse to do a scene, especially when Traycee herself doesn’t have any objection to anything in the script. Traycee does get her job back, on the condition that she fire Alex. “Okay,” Traycee said, “you’re fired.” YAY, TRAYCEE!

(To be honest, there’s something a little hypocritical about Malibu CA criticizing a show for featuring women in bikinis when every episode of Malibu CA might as well have been shot with ogle cam.)

This was a bad episode but, to give credit where credit is due, Brandon Brooks and Priscilla Inga Taylor once again showed that they were the only two consistently good things about Malibu CA. Even though they were playing caricatures, both Brooks and Taylor brought a lot of energy and sincerity to their performances. It made Murray and Traycee the only likable characters on both this particular episode and the series overall.

Only three more episodes to go! My nightmare will soon be over.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & 10 1.2 “The Opener”

Posted on July 23, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, the football season begins!

Episode 1.2 “The Opener”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on December 2nd, 1984)

The opening game of the season is approaching. The Bulls have trader their former quarterback (who was played, briefly, by Robert Logan in the pilot) for a new quarterback, Bob D0rsey (Geoffrey Scott). Bob Dorsey is a notorious womanizer and a veteran player with a strong arm and a bad knee. So, basically, he’s just like their former quarterback except he’s played by Geoffrey Scott instead of Robert Logan.

Dana has decided that Bob will start on opening day, instead of the quarterback that they drafted out of BYU, the ultra-religious Bryce Smith (Jeff East). (Opening Day, quarterback, drafted — look at me using all the football terminology!) Bryce is fine with not starting because he feels that it is God’s will for Bob to start.

However, the Mafia (represented by Michael V. Gazzo and Robert Miranda) is not happy! It turns out that general manager Roger Barrow has been doing business with the Arcola Brothers. He’s been giving them tickets and allowing the Arcolas to scalp them in return for a 20% commission. Dana puts an end to that, saying that all the tickets will now be sold through the box office as opposed to being held for VIPs. The Mafia wants Roger to make sure that Bob does not start. Roger convinces one of the other players to injure Bob during practice so that Bryce will be the starter.

Uh-oh! Bob injures his knee. Bryce is going to have to play …. except, right before the team hits the field, the team doctor suddenly says that Bob’s knee is at 80% and he can play if he wants to. Of course, Bob wants to! Bob takes the field and, after several minutes of stock footage, we’re told that the Bulls have won the game.

This show feels so strange. On the one hand, I get the feeling that this episode probably was realistic about the physical toll that playing football takes on a player. Bob is 35 and can barely walk. I imagine that the episode’s portrayal of the locker room being a mx of stupidity and testosterone was probably accurate as well. I’ll even give the episode credit for showing that all of the players resent the team’s owner and that Coach Denardo uses that to his advantage when it comes to motivating them. Everyone — well, almost everyone — resents their boss. (Not me! I love everyone I’ve ever worked with!)

On the other hand, the first two episodes have been so low-budget that it appears there’s only five or six players on the team and the mix of comedy and drama feels rather awkward. Dana’s friend Mona (Ruta Lee) starts drinking in the morning and tossing out pithy one liners. Meanwhile, the Mafia is threatening to kill Roger. It really doesn’t fit together. The whole thing just looks and feels cheap.

But, hey, the Bulls won! Good for them!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.9 “The Thanksgiving Cruise/The Best of Friends/Too Many Dads/Love Will Find A Way”

Posted on July 23, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard….

It’s a holiday….

THE LOOOOOOOOOOVE BOAT

Episode 6.9 “The Thanksgiving Cruise/The Best of Friends/Too Many Dads/Love Will Find A Way”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on November 20th, 1982)

It’s Thanksgiving and the Love Boat crew is not getting along!

It all starts when Gopher makes a joke about Doc being a womanizer. Doc, who has spent five seasons bragging about being a womanizer, gets offended and stops talking to Gopher. Isaac tries to give Gopher some advice but Gopher offends him by saying that he’s sick of hearing stories about the wisdom of Isaac’s grandfather. (I have never heard Isaac mention his grandfather in the past.) Julie gets mad when Doc says that he didn’t care much for some of her past hairstyles. (Julie’s hair does look terrible this episode.) Everyone is fighting …. except for Captain Stubing and Vicki. They do have an argument but Stubing refuses to take it personally and Vicki says she could never stay angry with her father. Awwwww!

(I think it’s seriously irresponsible to raise someone on a cruise ship but I still tear up at the Stubing/Vicki scenes. Can you tell I’m missing my Dad?)

I have to admit that it kind of upset me to see the Love Boat crew fighting. The passengers come and go but the crew has remained the same for six seasons and their likable chemistry has always been one of the show’s greatest strengths. Julie getting mad at Doc? No, it can’t happen! We all know Julia and Doc are secretly in love! I was really concerned that the crew was going to have a bad Thanksgiving but luckily, everyone forgave everyone else in time for Thanksgiving.

I was so worried about the crew that I barely paid attention to the other two stories. Lorne Greene and Dorothy McGuire played parents who were initially alarmed when their daughter (Wendy Schaal) announced that she was going to marry a paraplegic (Jim Knaub). Luckily, they saw the error of their ways. Meanwhile, Michael Lembeck boarded the boat with a court order that stated that he had been given legal custody of B.J. Lewis (Christian Jacobs), who was traveling with his stepfather, Roger (Richard Hatch). In the end, everyone agreed that Roger was the better father and B.J.’s biological father gave up custody which …. I don’t know. That doesn’t seem like something that would happen in real life. I mean, if you go through the trouble of hiring expensive lawyers and then storm a cruise ship, I don’t think you’re just going to shrug and give up.

“Now I have two Dads!” BJ announces.

Kid, one of your Dads just rejected you.

Oh well! It’s Thanksgiving! And I’m giving thanks that the Love Boat crew all learned an important lesson about friendship. That’s what life is all about.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.12 “Wheels of Fire”

Posted on July 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, TC is pissed off because he’s expected to do his job.

Episode 2.12 “Wheels of Fire”

(Dir by Gary Winter, originally aired on November 17th, 1996)

Two Russian mobsters are shaking down businesses on the boardwalk. Only Ed Tarlow (Richard Redlin), a paraplegic who owns a “head shop,” is willing to testify against them. This means that he gets two undercover bicycle cops assigned to his shop to provide protection. TC and Cory get the assignment but it turns out that TC doesn’t want to protect Ed because he feels that Ed is selling drug paraphernalia and that Ed “is a cop hater.”

Hey, TC — it’s your job, idiot. You’re supposed to help everyone on the boardwalk, regardless of how you feel about them personally.

Still, TC spends most of the episode pouting. It’s mentioned that he’s also worried about studying for his upcoming sergeant’s exam but if TC is too immature to protect Ed without bitching about it than maybe TC doesn’t deserve a promotion. TC is also upset because his girlfriend wants to go out-of-state so that she can enroll in a graduate program, become a sex abuse counselor, and help rape victims. Because how dare she try to help other women without checking with TC first, right? TC IS THE WORST!

Eventually, Palermo rolls up and tells TC that Ed is a decorated veteran who was paralyzed by a cop during an anti-war protest. TC realizes that he misjudged Ed and he finally stops pouting enough to catch the Russian mobsters. But you know what? It shouldn’t matter how Ed ended up in wheelchair and it also shouldn’t matter whether or not he’s a veteran. TC’s job is to protect people from crime! Ed has got two Russian mobsters trying to kill him. TC should be protecting Ed because that’s HIS. DAMN. JOB!

Meanwhile, three woman are secretly beating up creepy men on the boardwalk. One of the women is a rape survivor and the other two women claim that they are getting vengeance for her. What is the deal with this show not only using rape as a plot point but also trivializing it in the process? Chris Kelly eventually arrests the women and does her thing where she glares at everyone.

Palermo’s 15 year-old daughter goes to Del Toro and asks “type of condom do guys like.” It turns out that she’s thinking about having sex with her 19 year-old boyfriend. Del Toro’s answer should have been, “Your boyfriend is old enough to buy his own condoms.” Instead, Del Toro convinces her to hold off on having sex until he can check out her boyfriend. Her boyfriend turns out to be a nice guy but still, a 19 year-old dating a 15 year-old is kind of weird. (It’s less the age difference and more the maturity difference. Four years isn’t that big a deal when it’s something like a 26 year-old and a 22 year-old. But this is the difference between someone starting high school and someone starting college.) It’s also statutory rape, though no one seems to be too concerned about that.

Anyway, Palermo finds out so guess which couple isn’t going to be having sex for a long time?

This was another stupid episode of Pacific Blue. Again, the problem isn’t just that the cops all look stupid on their bicycles. It’s also that the cops represent everything that people hate about cops. Chris and TC are both self-righteous and immature. (When someone complains about Chris nearly running someone over on her bicycle, Chis replies that she’s doing her job.) It gets annoying after a while.

This week’s episode served as a reminder to never depend on anyone riding a bike.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.2 “The Big Switch/Hooker’s Holiday”

Posted on July 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, the tyranny of Laurence continues.

Episode 7.2 “The Big Switch/Hooker’s Holiday”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on October 15th, 1983)

Shelley James (Melinda Culea) is a high-priced call girl who comes to Fantasy Island looking for an escape from her life. For one weekend, she wants not only a normal life but also a chance to meet a man who will love her without paying her for sex. Luckily, Brad Jacobs (Richard Hatch) is also on the Island!

This is the type of fantasy that Fantasy Island handled well in the past. It doesn’t work out quite as well this episode became Mr. Roarke’s new servant (there’s no other word for him), Laurence, makes some rather snarky and judgmental comments about Shelly and her profession (asking at one point whether she’s on the Island for a fantasy or to give someone a fantasy) and it just feels totally wrong. One of the good things about Fantasy Island was that Roarke never judged the people asking for fantasies. He may have warned them about what they would discover. Sometimes, he manipulated them to help them discover something important about themselves. But once you were allowed to come to the Island, Roarke didn’t judge you and neither did Tattoo. In fact, Tattoo was probably even less judgmental than Roarke. Tattoo knew what it was like to be judged. Laurence, on the other hand, is a snooty British butler and seems personally offended by Shelley’s presence on the Island. (Eventually, after she shares her tragic backstory, he comes around but still, it shouldn’t take a sad story to get people to treat each other with decency.) Laurence is the type of employee who would keep me from wanting to visit the Island. I fear he would tell me that my skirt was too short or something.

As for the other fantasy, Laura Walter (Katharine Helmond) feels that her husband George Walter (Vic Tayback) is a chauvinist and she’s right. She wants him to experience what it’s like to be a woman so Roarke arranges for them to switch bodies. Laura is in George’s body and George is in Laura’s body but for some reason, the show dubs their voices so, whenever George speaks, we hear Laura’s voice and whenever Laura speaks, we hear George’s voice. It’s a bit awkward. Why would their voice switch too? Anyway, Laura discovers that women tend to toss themselves at George and George discovers that his business partner is a lech.

It’s the final season and final seasons often feel uninspired. That was certainly the case with this episode. Even the reliable Ricardo Montalban seemed bored with it all. In the end, it’s just not as much fun without Herve Villechaize around.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.4 “The Poachers”

Posted on July 21, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch brings us all closer together.

Episode 4.4 “The Poachers”

(Dir by Barry Crane, originally aired on October 19th, 1980)

In the beautiful hills surrounding Los Angeles, Jon and Ponch (but mostly Ponch because, as of the start of season four, this is The Ponch Show) pursue two poachers (Robert F. Lyons and Michael Gwynne). However, Ponch is not the only one after the poachers. A Native American grandfather named Nathan (Michael Ansara) is in the hills with his grandson (Tony Raymond) and, together, they shoot arrows at the poachers.

Hey, that’s attempted murder!

Well, no matter. No one like poachers, least of all me.

While Ponch captures the poachers and befriends the grandfather, the rest of the Highway Patrol spend their time at the drag strip and try to win races and set records. Ponch insists that he should be the one allowed to represent the force on the track and he’s probably right because he’s Ponch and this is The Ponch Show. Instead, Sgt. Getraer — who technically outranks Ponch but who knows how long that will last — takes to the track himself and amazes everyone with his speed. Woo hoo! Meanwhile, poor Baker stands in the background and perhaps remembers how, when the show started, he actually got to do stuff other than follow Ponch around.

This episode was nothing special. It was well-intentioned with its anti-poaching storyline but it also featured even more cliches than usual. Michael Ansara was himself not Native American. He was born in Syria. The actors who played his son and his grandfather were also not Native American, at least not as far as I could detect from their IMDb profiles. In short, this was an episode about the wisdom of Native Americans that doesn’t appear to have featured any actual Native Americans.

All that said, it was nice to Robert Pine get to have some fun with the role of Sgt. Getrear. Pine’s tough-but-fair performance as Getraer has often been this show’s secret weapon and, in this episode, he at least got to smile for once. He earned it!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.12 “The Cows of October”

Posted on July 21, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week …. I don’t even know how to describe it.

Episode 4.12 “The Cows Of October”

(Dir by Vince Gillum, originally aired on February 5th, 1988)

A cannister of bull seamen has been stolen from a Miami lab and the feds (represented by Harry Shearer) want it back before it falls into the hands of the Cubans. Switek assists. Izzy shows up to broker the deal. Gerrit Graham plays a shady person who we are told is from Texas. (His accent is more Arizona.) Philip Michael Thomas wears a cowboy hat. Don Johnson is largely absent until the final scene. One gets the feeling that Johnson hated every minute of this episode while Thomas just seemed to be having fun.

This episode was, without a doubt, the stupidest episode of Miami Vice ever filmed. And listen, I will admit that I haven’t seen every episode. I’ve still got a season and a half to go. There seems to be a general online consensus that the final two seasons of Miami Vice were not good at all. I’m sure I have many dumb episodes ahead of me. But I cannot — as much as I try — imagine any episode that could be as a dumb as the Vice Squad abandoning the war on drugs so that they could keep the Cubans from getting their hands on a cannister of bull semen.

Miami Vice has always been as its best when its been surrealistic, cynical, and gritty. I would argue that Miami Vice really does not need to do comedic episodes. For the first three seasons, nearly every episode ended with an innocent person either dead or forever embittered. At its best, Miami Vice was not a happy show. It was a show where Crockett and Tubbs drove around in the dark, loaded their guns, and Phil Collins sang in the background. When Collins sang, “I can feel it coming in the air tonight,” he was not talking about bull semen. At least, I hope he wasn’t. (Oh, Lord….)

I really don’t know what to make of season 4. Trudy’s going to space. Crockett’s married. The Vice Squad is searching for bull semen. Yet somehow, through it all, Castillo continues to just stare at the floor and speak through gritted teeth. Like seriously, shouldn’t Castillo be concerned about all this weird stuff going on?

I didn’t care much for this episode. Searching for bull semen is a Pacific Blue thing. Miami Vice needs to handle real cases and leave all that other stuff for the bike cops.