Scenes That I Love: The Opening Credits of Saturday Night Fever

Posted on February 18, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Saturday Night Fever (1977, dir. John Badham)

Today is John Travolta’s birthday!

In honor of this day, here’s a scene that I love, the opening credits of Saturday Night Fever. Watch as John Travolta, playing the role of Tony Manero, walks down the streets of Brooklyn, not letting the fact that he’s carrying two cans of paint do anything to lessen his strut. Watch as Tony puts a down payment on a pair of shoes! Thrill as Tony buys two slices of pizza! Cringe as Tony bothers a woman who wants absolutely nothing to do with him!

This is one of the greatest introductions in film history. Not only does it set Tony up as an exemplar of cool but it also subverts our expectations by revealing just how little being an exemplar of cool really means. I always relate to the woman who gets annoyed with Tony and tells him to go away. I know exactly how she feels, as does any woman who has ever been stopped in the middle of the street by some guy who thinks she has an obligation to talk him. It doesn’t matter how handsome he is or how much time he obviously spent working on his hair. He’s still just some guy carrying two buckets of paint and acting like she should be flattered that he spent half a minute staring at her ass before chasing after her. For all of his carefully constructed attitude, Tony comes across as being a rather ludicrous figure in this introduction. He carries those cans of paint like he’s going to war and you secretly get the feeling that he knows how silly he looks carrying them but he’s not going to allow anything to get in the way of his strut.

The rest of the film, of course, is about presenting who Tony actually is underneath the disco facade and it’s not always a pretty picture. I actually discussed this with some friends this weekend while we were listening to combination of disco and punk music. Saturday Night Fever has a reputation for being a fun dance movie but actually, it’s an extremely dark and rather depressing movie. The opening song isn’t lying when it says that “I’m going nowhere.” Tony is lost and, despite what happens in the sequel, he’s probably never going to escape his circumstances. Even though he clearly wants to be a better person, you’re never quite convinced that he has what it takes to truly do that. At least he can strut a little while waiting for the world to end. It takes guts to give an honest performance when you’re playing as imperfect a character as Tony Manero but Travolta pulls it off. (We won’t talk about some of the films that he made in the years immediately after this one. Eventually, he did make a comeback with Pulp Fiction and spent several years again appearing in good films. And then somehow, last year, he ended up starring in The Fanatic. Oh well. 66 is not that old and I’m sure Travolta has more than one comeback within him.)

Anyway, happy birthday to John Travolta! And here is today’s scene that I love:

Love on the Shattered Lens: Rapture (dir by John Guillermin)

Posted on February 17, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1965 film, Rapture, is an odd one.

It takes place in France, largely at an isolated home sitting on a cliff above the Brittany coast. Frederick Larbaud (Melvyn Douglas) is a former judge who has largely retreated from society. He lives in his house with his teenager daughter, Agnes (Patricia Gozzi) and his promiscuous housekeeper, Karen (Gunnel Lindbloom). He’s a stern man, one who is obviously struggling to overcome a vaguely defined personal tragedy. He is very overprotective of his daughter, Agnes.

As for Agnes, she alternates between moments of childish immaturity and moments of surprising clarity. She’s the type who still plays with dolls but who also casually tosses them over the cliff so that they can shatter on the rocks below. She seems to be naive and innocent but, at the same time, she’s also capable of blackmailing Karen and threatening to tell her father that Karen’s boyfriend sneaks into the house at night. When the sheltered Agnes gets her father’s permission to make a scarecrow for the garden, she throws herself into the work, even going so far as to flirt with the scarecrow after it’s been built.

Meanwhile, a sailor named Joseph (Dean Stockwell) has been arrested for getting into a fight during a drunken night on the town. While he’s being transported to jail, the prison bus runs off the road. Joseph escapes from the bus and runs up a hill, passing by Frederick, Agnes, and Karen. Though the police manage to seriously wound Joseph, he still escapes.

Later that night, during a violent storm, Agnes is shocked to see that her scarecrow has vanished. While she’s out searching for it, she comes across a delirious Joseph. Because Joseph has stolen the scarecrow’s clothes, Agnes decides that her scarecrow has come to life and, as a result, Joseph belongs to her. Surprisingly, Frederick expresses no reservations about allowing Joseph to stay at the house while he recovers from his gunshot wound.

Once Joseph recovers, he explains to Frederick what happened and says that he should probably turn himself in and hope for the best. Frederick, however, disagrees. It turns out that Frederick has an agenda of his own and part of that agenda is revealing that brutality of the police. He continues to allow Joseph to hide out at his house but little does Frederick know that Joseph is falling in love with Agnes (and, of course, Agnes still thinks that Joseph is her scarecrow come to life).

Rapture took me by surprise. When the film started, I honestly thought it was going to be unbearably pretentious and I wasn’t exactly filled with confidence when I discovered that the film was directed by John Guillermin, a prolific British director whose career spanned from the 50s and the 80s but whose overall output is not particularly highly regarded among film historians. With its obvious debt to Ingmar Bergman, Rapture did not seem like the type of movie that one would expect to be successfully directed by the 1960s equivalent of Taylor Hackford. And, it should be said, that the first fourth of the film is rather pretentious and a bit silly. The black-and-white cinematography is frequently gorgeous and atmospheric but Agnes’s eccentricity often feels overwritten and it seems to take forever for Joseph to actually show up at the house.

However, things get better. The film, itself, doesn’t become any less pretentious but eventually Joseph starts to fall for Agnes and the chemistry between Dean Stockwell and Patricia Gozzi is strong enough that it carries the viewer over the film’s rough spots. The film becomes less about how strange Agnes is and more about a sheltered girl falling in love for the first time and, freed from the inconsistency that marred her characterization during the first part of Rapture, Patricia Gozzi’s performance starts to click as Agnes becomes relatable and even sympathetic.

The film hits a high point when Joseph and Agnes try to start a life for themselves away from Agnes’s father and we watch a lengthy montage of their steadily deteriorating relationship. In a manner of minutes, we witness how quickly the intrusion of the real world threatens to cause their too perfect romance to go awry. Most of the montage is made up of overhead shots and it captures the feeling of two naive lovers being overwhelmed by the difficulties of living in the real world. With each movement of the camera, we feel Agnes and Joseph’s world getting a little bit more claustrophobic and a little more threatening.

The film ends on a sad note, which shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone watching. From the minute that Agnes leads a wounded Joseph into the house, we know that their love is doomed. That said, it’s still a rather odd ending and one that raises more questions than it answers. It’s a strange ending for a strange film and it’s one that will stick with you long after you watch it.

Love on the Shattered Lens: Lying Eyes (dir by Marina Sargenti)

Posted on February 14, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

If you want to see something creepy, just check out the first 5 minutes of the 1996 television film, Lying Eyes.

It takes place at a high school basketball game. While the team is heading into the locker room for halftime (which is something that I assume they do in basketball, though I’ve never actually watched a game so I could be wrong), the cheerleaders run out onto the court and do their routine. The camera switches back and forth from closeups of the cheerleader’s backsides to shots of a handsome man named Derek Bradshaw (Vincent Irizarry) sitting in the stands and obviously enjoying the show.

The scene already has a leering quality but what makes it disturbing is the little smile that comes to Derek’s face while he watches the cheerleaders. Derek maybe handsome but he’s also quite a bit older than the teenagers who are sitting around him. It’s obvious that he’s come to the game alone and it’s also obvious, just from the way that he’s watching, that he didn’t come because he’s a fan of high school basketball. Instead, he’s there to ogle the cheerleaders.

Later, one of the cheerleaders — Amy Miller (Cassidy Rae) — is driving home. We’ve already seen a scene where Amy explains to her best friend, Dana (Ashlee Levitch), that she’s tired of dating immature teenage boys. While Amy’s sitting at a stop light, another car rear ends her. The driver gets out and checks to see if Amy’s okay. The other driver is ….. DEREK!

Amy is immediately charmed by Derek, especially after he offers to pay for the damage done to her bumper so that she won’t have to report the accident to her insurance company. Later, when Amy goes to pick up her car from the garage that Derek recommended, she discovers that not only has the bumper been replaced but that Derek also had the mechanic install a CD player! (Remember, this movie was made in 1996.) And Derek’s given her a bundle of CDs! When she thanks him, he smiles and says that he hopes that she likes Hootie and the Blowfish.

(Seriously, he says that. I’m not joking.)

Anyway, Derek and Amy are soon having an affair. Amy thinks that Derek is the best and even accepts his word when he explains that he’s married but he and his wife are separated. However, everyone else in Amy’s life is suspicious of Derek and so are we, because we’ve seen a 100 movies just like this one! Plus, we saw Derek acting all pervy at the high school basketball game….

Soon, Amy’s grades are slipping and her friends are getting mad at her because she’s no longer spending any time with them. However, Amy has other things to be concerned about. For instance, someone leaves a note in her mailbox, calling her a whore. Someone keeps calling the house. Someone takes a knife to her new leather jacket. Apparently, someone is not happy about Amy’s relationship and, even after Amy breaks it off with Derek, the harassment continues.

Who is out to get Amy? Could it be Derek? Could it be Derek’s wife? Could it be Dana or maybe even Dana’s older sister, Jennifer (Alison Smith)? Or could it be someone who Amy doesn’t even suspect?

Lying Eyes is an enjoyably trashy film. This is one of those movies where you know exactly what’s going to happen but the film itself is just so cheerfully melodramatic that you can’t help but get sucked into it. Though the film was originally made for NBC, it has since become a Lifetime staple. This really is the ultimate Lifetime film. Unfortunately, it’s not as a good as it used to be because, the last few times I watched the film, I noticed that the original kickass soundtrack had been replaced by a generic soundtrack. I get that this sort of thing happens and it has to do with whether or not the distributor feels like its worth the trouble to pay for the rights to the songs that originally appeared in the film. But seriously, the generic music that replaced the original soundtrack often doesn’t even go with the scenes in which it is heard. This is especially true of the film’s opening, where the cheerleaders’ opening routine was obviously choreographed to totally different music from what is now playing in the background.

On the plus side, Vincent Irizarry is both perfectly sleazy and perfectly charming in the role of Derek and Cassidy Rae is relatable and sympathetic at Amy. Falling for a guy who is obviously wrong but refusing to listen to your friends and family because you want the fantasy to be true? Seriously, we’ve all been there. That was pretty much my entire life when I was 18 years old. Rae does such a great job that you don’t even mind that Amy often behaves like an idiot. (Seriously, if someone is stalking you, threatening to kill you, and forcing your car off the road, you might want to consider not shrugging it off.)

Lying Eyes is a good, trashy melodrama and if you’re looking for some Valentine’s Day counter programming, it’s on Amazon Prime. I just wish they would bring back the original soundtrack.

Love On The Shattered Lens: Romeo and Juliet (dir by Franco Zeffirelli)

Posted on February 14, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Now that the Oscars and the Sundance Film Festival are over with, it’s time to start a new series of reviews here on the Shattered Lens. For the rest of February, I will be looking at some films that deal with the universal topic of love. Some of these films will be romantic. Some of them will be sad. Some of them might be happy. Some of them might be scary. Some of them might be good. And some of them might be bad. In fact, to be honest, I haven’t really sat down and made out a definite list of which films I’ll be reviewing for Love On The Shattered Lens. Instead, I figure I’ll just pick whatever appeals to me at the moment and we’ll see what happens!

Let’s start things off with the 1968 film version of William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet.

“Oh my God! Romeo and Juliet are hippies!”

Well, that’s not quite true. I mean, it is true that Romeo (played by Leonard Whitting) and Juliet (Olivia Hussey) are played by actual teenagers in this version of the classic play. It’s also true that, even though the film is set in a painstakingly recreated version of 15th century Verona, almost all of the actors have what would have then been contemporary haircuts. Romeo, Benvolio (Bruce Robinson), and Mercutio (John McEnery) all have longish hair, dress colorfully, and look like they could all be in the same band, covering the Beatles and writing songs about dodging the draft. Even Tybalt (Michael York) seems a bit counter-cultural in this version.

As played by Olivia Hussey, Juliet comes across as being far more rebellious in this version of Romeo and Juliet than in some of the others. It’s hard to imagine that Olivia Hussey’s Juliet would have much patience with Juliets played by Norma Shearer, Claire Danes, Hailee Steinfeld, or even the version of the character that Natalie Wood played in West Side Story. Olivia Hussey’s Juliet is always one step away from running away from home and hitch-hiking to the free Rolling Stones concert at the Altamont Speedway. Like the audience that the film was intended for, Romeo and Juliet both know that their parents are out-of-touch and that their friends are only temporary. Embracing love and pursuing all that life has to offer is what matters.

Was this the first film version of Romeo and Juliet to make explicit that the two characters had consummated their marriage? I imagine it was since it was apparently also the first version of Romeo and Juliet to feature on-screen nudity. That’s quite a contrast to the largely chaste 1936 version, in which Norma Shearer and Leslie Howard both seemed determined to keep a respectable distance from each other. Leonard Whiting and Olivia Hussey have an amazing chemistry together. They’re the two prettiest people in Verona and they just look like they belong together. From the minute they meet, you believe not only that they would be attracted to each other but that they’re also meant to be lovers.

Of course, we all know the story. The Capulets and the Montagues are rival families. Juliet is a Capulet. Romeo is a Montague. Juliet’s cousin, Tybalt, kills Romeo’s friend Mercutio. Romeo kills Tybalt. Juliet fakes her death. Romeo commits suicide. Juliet wakes up and does the same. The Prince shows up and yells at everyone. This film version moves around some of the events and it leaves out a few scenes but it actually improves on the play. For instance, poor Paris (Roberto Bissaco) doesn’t die in this version. Seriously, I always feel bad for Paris.

Throughout it all, director Franco Zeffirelli emphasizes the youth of the characters. It’s not just Romeo and Juliet who are presented as young. The entire Montague and Capulet feud is largely portrayed as being just a silly turf war between two competing high school cliques. When Tybalt and Mercutio have their fateful duel, it starts out largely as a joke and, when Tybalt kills Mercutio, it comes across as if it was an accident on Tybalt’s part. Tybalt appears to be just as shocked as anyone, like a scared kid holding a smoking gun and trying to explain that he didn’t know it was loaded when he pulled the trigger. When Mercutio curses both the Capulets and the Montagues, it’s all the more powerful because Mercutio is undoubtedly wondering how the duel could have so quickly gone from playful taunting to a fatal stabbing. The entire conflict between the Montague and the Capulets is a war that makes no sense, one in which the young are sacrificed while the old retreat to the safety of their homes.

Romeo and Juliet was a hit in 1968 and it’s still an achingly romantic film. Whiting and Hussey generate more chemistry in just the balcony scene than Leonardo Di Caprio and Claire Danes did in the entirety of Baz Luhrmann’s version of the tragic tale. Along with being a box office hit, it was also a critical hit. The Academy nominated it for best picture, though it lost to Oliver!

Documentary Review: Lord Lucan: My Husband, The Truth (dir by David O’Neill)

Posted on February 12, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Who was Lord Lucan?

He was a British aristocrat, born not only wealthy but also with all the right connections. His birth name was John Bingham but he eventually inherited the title of Lord Lucan when his father died in 1964. At the time, the new Lord Lucan was 30 years and had been married for less than a year. Lord Lucan was handsome and charming, so much so that Cubby Broccoli considered him for the role of James Bond in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. Lucan had no formal acting experience but he had the right look. Nothing, of course, ever came of the idea of casting Lucan as Bond. It’s rumored that he may have done a screen test but nothing can be said for sure. Would Lord Lucan have had better luck with the role than George Lazenby? Well, it’s hard to imagine how he possible could have had worst luck.

Like James Bond, Lord Lucan loved to gamble. Unlike Bond, who was rarely seen to lose a hand whenever he sat down at the poker table, Lucan was not a particularly good gambler. In fact, he lost so often that he was often broke. Fortunately, his rich friends usually took care of him whenever he needed money or someone to testify as to his courage whenever he was accused of neglecting his wife, Lady Lucan. When Lord and Lady Lucan separated in 1972, it forced the members of British high society to pick sides and most of them sided with Lord Lucan. That remained true even in 1974 when Lord Lucan was accused of murdering his children’s nanny, Sandra Rivett. Rivett, who bore a superficial resemblance to Lady Lucan, was bludgeoned to death with a piece of lead pipe while making a cup of tea in Lady Lucan’s home. Lady Lucan claimed that she came across Lord Lucan in the house and that he admitted to having attacked Sandra in a case of mistaken identity. Meanwhile, shortly after the murder, Lord Lucan reportedly called his mother and told her that he had just happened to be driving by his old home when he saw an unidentified man fighting with his wife.

The same night that Sandra Rivett was murdered, Lord Lucan vanished. Both the police and Lady Lucan speculated that Lord Lucan had committed suicide by drowning himself in the Thames. However, for years after Sandra Rivett’s murder, there were regular sightings of Lord Lucan around the world. While many of those sightings were undoubtedly due to hysteria caused by the extensive press coverage surrounding the case, there were other sightings that seemed to be a bit more credible. There was much speculation that Lucan’s powerful friends had helped him escape from Britain and he had relocated to either southern Africa or Australia. As late as 2012, sightings of Lord Lucan were still being investigated. If Lucan were still alive, he would be 86 years old today.

The story of Lord Lucan and the murder of Sandra RIvett is a fascinating one and the 2017 documentary, Lord Lucan: My Husband, The Truth, is a must-see for everyone interested in the case. Produced for British television, this documentary is essentially an hour-long interview with Lady Lucan, during which she discusses not only her abusive marriage but also her feelings about the question of whether or not Lucan was still alive. (For the record, she felt that he committed suicide “as a nobleman would do.”) The documentary also features video that was shot by Lucan himself in the 60s, showing himself, his wife, and their wealthy friends touring Europe and basically acting like members of the idle rich. Lady Lucan discusses how the notoriety surrounding the case affected her own life, leading to her becoming estranged from her children. When asked if she was a “cold” towards her children, Lady Lucan chillingly replies, “All of my relationships are cold.” When asked why she once claimed that Lord Lucan was still alive and hiding out somewhere in either Europe or Africa, Lady Lucan replies that she was “drugged up” when she said it and, as such, had no control over anything she said. The documentary than shares a clip of a very stoned-looking Lady Lucan being interviewed in 1981 and saying that her former husband was still alive.

It’s an interesting story and a rather sad one. Lord Lucan: My Husband, the Truth is a documentary that should appeal to anyone who is interested in true crime, missing fugitives, and the scandals of the very rich. Despite the rumors of him still being alive, Lord Lucan was declared dead in 2016 so that his son could inherit his title and his place in the House of Lords. As for Lady Lucan, she committed suicide shortly after being interviewed for this documentary.

Lord Lucan: My Husband, The Truth can be viewed on Amazon Prime.

Here Are The Oscar Winners!

Posted on February 9, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Best Picture — Parasite

Best Director — Bong Joon-ho for Parasite

Best Actor — Joaquin Phoenix, Joker

Best Actress — Renee Zellweger, Judy

Best Supporting Actor — Brad Pitt, Once Upon A Time In Hollywood

Best Supporting Actress — Laura Dern, Marriage Story

Best Original Screenplay — Parasite

Best Adapted Screenplay — JoJo Rabbit

Best Animated Feature Film — Toy Story 4

Best International Feature Film — Parasite

Best Documentary Feature Film — American Factory

Best Documentary Short Subject — Leaning to Skate In A Warzone (If You’re A Girl)

Best Live Action Short Subject — The Neighbors’ Widow

Best Animated Short Film — Hair Love

Best Original Score — Joker

Best Original Song — Rocketman

Best Sound Editing — Ford v Ferrari

Best Sound Mixing — 1917

Best Production Design — Once Upon A Time In Hollywood

Best Cinematography — 1917

Best Makeup and Hairstyling — Bombshell

Best Costume Design — Little Women

Best Editing — Ford v Ferrari

Best Visual Effects — 1917

Here’s The Trailer For A Rough Draft!

Posted on February 9, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, this is weird.

This trailer just dropped today and I watched it and I thought the movie looked like it might be fun. It’s called A Rough Draft and it’s about a video game designer who gets sucked into some sort of multi-dimensional portal or something like that. I mean, the plot sound stupid but the trailer looked like it could be entertaining. If nothing else, it looked like it might be the Asylum version of Ready Player One and y’all know how much I love The Asylum.

But then I did some research and I discovered that this movie was released in Russia in 2018 and apparently, the Russian critics hated it and it was a total bust at the box office. A Rough Draft is based on a popular Russian novel so it was a widely anticipated release but the general consensus was that it didn’t live up to what people were hoping for.

I mean, that happens, right? The trailer still looks like fun.

Then I discovered that the film is now available to stream on Prime. Apparently, it just dropped like two days ago, with absolutely no fanfare. So, I guess I’ll watch it next and discover whether or not it’s actually any good.

Until then, here’s the trailer:

Here’s The Trailer for Resistance!

Posted on February 9, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

While we think about what won at the Oscars, we can also think about some of the movies that will be coming up over the next couple of months!

For instance, let’s consider the upcoming film, Resistance. Resistance is being distributed by IFC films and it stars two past Oscar nominees, Jesse Eisenberg and Ed Harris. The film deals with how, as a young man, the French mime Marcel Marceau was a member of the French Resistance. Eisenberg plays Marceau while Ed Harris will play American General George Patton. It’s an inspiring story and it has all the elements for a good and powerful film.

Resistance will be released on March 27th. Here’s the trailer:

<– Birds of Prey (Dir by Cathy Yan) Chilling Adventures of Sabrina S3 E1–>

Film Review: Gamera vs. Monster X (dir Noriaki Yuasa)

Posted on February 9, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The world’s favorite atomic turtle is back!

1970’s Gamera vs. Monster X (a.k.a. Gamera vs Jiger) once against finds humanity doing something stupid and nearly getting destroyed as a result. This time, the trouble stats when a large statue is removed from an island and transported to Japan, where it will be the centerpiece of a gigantic expo. Gamera, who is a giant turtle that can fly and breathe fire, tries to stop the humans from doing this but, of course, they ignore him.

(Seriously, this was the 6th movie featuring Gamera. You would think that, by now, humanity would have learned to listen to the turtle’s concerns.)

Moving the statue awakens a dinosaur named either Jiger or Monster X, depending on which version of the film you’re watching. Jiger is pissed off about the statue being moved so it sets out to destroy humanity. Gamera tries to stop Jiger but Jiger stabs a quill into his chest and …, oh no! Is Gamera dead!?

No, don’t worry. Gamera may be incapacitated by he lives still. It’s just that he’s got something inside of him now and …. well, basically, Jiger inserted an egg inside of Gamera. And now, for some reason, a bunch of little children are going to have to navigate a minisub through Gamera’s blood stream so that they can get rid of the egg and the mini-Jiger waiting with within…..

What?

Yes, I know it doesn’t make any sense but it’s a Gamera movie! What you do expect? I mean, this is a movie about a world where, because Godzilla doesn’t exist, it falls to a gigantic, radioactive turtle to serve as the world’s protector. In order to watch a movie like this, you have to be able to accept the reality of a giant turtle. Once you’ve accepted that, it’s much easier to accept the idea that the future of the world depends on not just a giant turtle but also three kids in a small submarine.

(One thing that we discover, while watching this film, is that Gamera is bigger on the inside than the outside. Seriously, at one point, the kids get out of the sub and walk around inside of Gamera. And I know that Gamera’s big but he never looked like he was that big.)

Anyway, the important thing is that Gamera must be saved so that he can defeat Jiger and the expo can go on as planned. Because I don’t believe in spoilers, I won’t tell you how it ends but I will say that you should never lose faith in a giant turtle.

I was just looking over my notes and I discovered that, since 2017, I’ve actually watched Gamera vs. Monster X on three separate occasions. Despite having seen it more than once, I still have to say that I really don’t have the slightest idea what the Hell’s going on in the majority of the film. I guess it really doesn’t matter, though. You don’t watch a Gamera movie for the plot. You watch it for a giant turtle fighting other big monsters. On that front, Gamera vs Monster X delivers. It’s enjoyably incoherent.

Tonight, if you’re looking something to watch other than the Oscars, Gamera vs. Monster X is available on YouTube.

Film Review: Zontar, The Thing From Venus (dir by Larry Buchanan)

Posted on February 9, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Look, I get it. Not everyone is as crazy about watching the Oscars as I am. Some of you have absolutely no interest in watching the Oscar tonights and right now, you’re saying, “If only there was something else to watch!” I hear you and I’m here for you.

And fear not!

There is something else for you to watch! Just go to YouTube and look up Zontar, The Thing From Venus! You can watch the whole movie three times in a row while everyone else is watching the Oscars. Don’t ever say that I didn’t do anything for you.

What is Zontar, The Thing From Venus? It’s a film from 1966 and it was directed by Texas’s own Larry Buchanan! It tells the story of what happens when a creepy scientist named Keith (Tony Huston) manages to contact a big, three-eyed bat named Zontar. Zontar’s from Venus and it wants to rule the world. Keith thinks that humanity could benefit from being conquered by a ruthless alien warlord. So, Kieth arranges for Zontar to come to the Earth. While Zontar hides out in a cave, it manages to shut down everyone’s electricity and, using a bunch of smaller, flying bats, it also possesses almost an entire town. Keith thinks it’s great but that’s because Keith is an idiot with fascist tendencies.

You know who isn’t impressed by Zontar and all of his high-and-mighty rhetoric? Another scientist named Dr. Curt Taylor (John Agar). Dr. Taylor knows that Zontar is up to no good but how can he stop him? Well, he’s not going to do it by driving a car because Zontar’s knocked out America’s electrical systems. So, instead, he rides a bike from location to location. Seeing John Agar awkwardly trying to balance himself on a bike is more than worth the price of admission.

(Of course, since this is on YouTube, the price of admission is only your immortal soul and your internet privacy.)

Anyway, if all of this sounds familiar, that’s because Zontar is a remake of an earlier Roger Corman film called It Conquered The World. For some reason, in the 60s, American International Pictures gave Larry Buchanan a handful of money and told him, “Go direct some crappy remakes of some of our best films.” Zontar is probably the best known of Buchanan’s remakes and it’s also probably the most fun.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. It’s nowhere near as good as It Conquered The World but, at the same time, it doesn’t have the slow spots that show up in most of Buchanan’s other films. The story moves fairly briskly and Buchanan keeps the picture in focus and, considering some of Buchanan’s other movies, that’s a bit of a minor triumph. Zontar is an impressive monster. In fact, I’d say that batty Zontar is probably a more effective creation than the smiling crab that showed up in It Conquered The World. Finally, you get to see John Agar trying to ride a bicycle and that’s always an entertaining sight.

Zontar is enjoyably dumb. If you want to kill 80 minutes but you don’t want to have to do any thinking, watching Zontar is definitely one way to do it.